Jennifer Bebb's Blog, page 3

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Breaking up is hard to do.

A cliche, but true.

Sometimes, though, the only way forward is to leave something behind. You gotta break away from everything holding you back and be…you. Whatever that is.

Don’t panic, wonderful readers, I’m not breaking up with Steve or you. But I am breaking up with all the “shoulds” I’m truly sick of.

I am a Creative (with a capital C…that’s right, a capital C). With that comes all sorts of scary stuff. Like not seeing the world like everyone else. Like not wanting the same things as everyone else. Like not doing the same things as everyone else. Like taking big risks and sometimes falling down. Like getting back up and doing it again.

That’s not to say I don’t have obligations or toe the line in lots of ways. I get my kids to school and practice on time. I have a strong (almost too strong at times) series of beliefs about right and wrong. I keep regular business hours, eat three meals a day (most of the time) and try to workout. There are definitely ways I conform, especially on the outside.

But the older I get and the longer I do this (whatever *this* is) the more I break away from what everyone else is doing and the happier I become. I make the rules of my life, along with Steve and the boys. We don’t have to be like everyone else.

I broke up with the conventional office and the regular pay cheque a long time ago.

I broke up with the idea photographers have to have a studio, and the idea that working moms have to have a nanny.

I broke up with the notion you can’t have your cake and eat it too.

I broke up with the pressure to be a super woman.

I broke up with what it means to survive scary shit and the notion that a life without ovaries is less satisfying.

I broke up with the contrived checklist of success too many people subscribe too (married by 28, kids by 32, house in the country by….blah, blah, blah)

I broke up with the part of my family that was toxic and sad while staying close with the rest.

I broke up with the idea that my self esteem was hinged to what others think of me.

It is so hard to break away from everything you thought you knew, or everything you were supposed to do. But do it.

Do. It.

Snap it, bend it, break it….walk into the life you want for yourself. It’s worth it.

trading on tools

“How did you get into photography?”  ”Did you and Steve meet in photography?”

Conversation starters or genuine curiosity, these are the two most common questions I’m asked by those with “conventional” jobs or, really, any non-photographer jobs. The creative incites curiousity already, but a creative in business is something of a novelty to many.

Those questions are invariably followed with something like this: “I saw your site, you guys do beautiful work. Do you only do weddings? Weddings must be SOOOO inspiring. You are so lucky to be able to do this.”

Yep, I am. I am lucky, blessed, fortunate and grateful to do what I do for a living. But what I do is not who I am, and I work damn hard, every single day, to make a business out of my creativity.

These conversations typically wrap up with something about “passion” and the idea that I must be “passionate” about photography.

Bleh.

Passion is such an overused word, especially when it comes to wedding and portrait photographers. If you consider why you make a living as a creative, and you are really honest in your answer, how many would say “passion” is the reason?

Are you really passionate about photography, or are you passionate about the “why” of photography?

Let’s flip that for a moment. Do you think doctors are passionate about medicine per se or are they passionate about healing people, solving problems, and improving lives? Are lawyers passionate about the law, or about using the law for some purpose? Do you see the difference?

My passion, bliss, joy, whatever you want to call it, comes from telling stories and facilitating the success of others. Right now, my stories are told through my lens, but they were not always told that way. As a child and teen I told stories through words. As a grown up I use image making instead. The “why” is the same, the tools are different.

The past two years have been filled with introspection as I look at options for my creativity. I could, for example, decide to write full time and tell my stories that way. I could turn to teaching and mentoring as a means to be part of the story and satisfy the “teacher” part of me. Or I could continue to use my camera to forge ahead. What will it be? Will it be more than one?

When you are a creative and you give a piece of yourself to all you do, joy is a necessary part of the process – if you don’t love it, why do it?  This joy-turned-job will suck you dry, taking all the enjoyment, and ultimately creativity, out of what you once loved, if you don’t find ways to stay joyful.

And so What IF and BoomCrush were born – two endeavours that combine my love of teaching with my love of creating and building. I am part of other people’s stories, an integral part, and that is inspiring on its own. I’m about to start my next work with Wiley, my publisher, creating a new story that will facilitate creativity in others. And I still photograph weddings, satisfying the need to create something visual and lovely for others.

It’s not the tools, it’s why we use them. Too many trade on the tools and forget why this path called them. Odds are you have many tools to choose from, many ways you can create. You don’t have to stick with one tool forever. Choose the tools necessary to create the why…

…but trade on the why before the tools.

refuge of medocrity

Mediocrity is a choice. It’s the safest choice, one with fewer perceived or immediate consequences.

Some choose mediocrity as a means of maintaining control, others out of fear. Some choose mediocrity because it’s all they’ve ever known, some because they aren’t aware they are making a choice at all.

Just like greatness is a choice, so is mediocrity.

I was part of a conversation last night about this very thing. We were talking about sports and how some kids are natural athletes, rising to the top with seemingly little effort. Yet, at some point, those same kids are faced with a growing group of athletes who work tirelessly to develop their skills, and suddenly the natural athlete no longer stands out.

This happens to all of us, athlete or not, at some point in our lives. The important thing is what we do next.

For some, the realization they are no longer “great” is accompanied by the sting of rejection or the embarrassment of failure. They can seek refuge in mediocrity or they can push hard to reclaim their greatness.

For others, this fall from favor is accompanied by the relief of blending in. There is safety in the crowd,  and this can be alluring to those who have not experienced it before. My son chose this – he chose to falter just enough to fade into the crowd, fearing the pressure that comes from greatness. He chose mediocrity in a moment, and now faces the consequences of that choice, working harder than ever to regain his confidence and teammates’ trust.

So many talents choose not to shine – the pressure to produce high quality work consistently can be too much. Too many talents choose not to take risks, choosing safety instead.

Risk can result in failure. Risk can result in success. Greatness is hard to sustain. Mediocrity is safe and, therefore, appealing.

The lesson I took was this: people to whom things come easy (that gifted athlete, for example), people who find themselves successful without a lot of work, those people never learn to really want something. It is given to them, with little effort on their part, and they start to believe things will always be that easy. When they falter or fail, and they will, they aren’t always able to recover – that fire to achieve may never have been there at all.

Failure is an important part of our development as creatives. Not everything will work, but not everything will fail. You never know until you try.

The refuge of mediocrity, while appealing, is no place to languish. Choose to work, choose to risk, choose to fail and choose to fly. Choose mediocrity if you must, but own that choice and know that it was yours to make.

defending your fire

How many of you treat your business as something you must defend from all attackers?

Hang on, I’ll backtrack a little here.

I’ve spent much of this week considering an experience I recently had. The actual experience is secondary to the thoughts it left me with. Why, I’ve wondered all week, are some people receptive to change while others are not? It has stuck with me and I’ve probably spent more time on it than I should have.

But it led me to this: in my head I see two kinds of business people. Bear with me as I take you through this…

Imagine a cave person crouched in a defensive stance in front of his fire. Now imagine, just outside the light of the fire are a number of other cave people. They are not threatening our cave person, or his fire, they are simply there, not even really interested – just there.

In this situation, the cave person is defending his fire. There is no actual threat, merely a perceived threat on his part. He is convinced these others are going to try to take his fire. No matter what these others do, no matter how non-threatening they are, he defends his fire.

Now imagine the opposite. Our cave person has fire and he is alone with that (just like our first cave person). He sees other cave people, who are not threatening, nor leaving the area of his fire. In fact, some of them even start their own fires. Our cave person realizes he cannot simply defend his fire – he must look for food, he must rest, and he must find fuel to keep his fire burning. So he invites others to join him at his fire and they take turns building it up, looking for food and fuel, and resting.

In turn, each of these other cave people tends their own fire. They share the knowledge of where the best firewood is and where the animals run. They work together, maintaining their own fires, but ensuring the survival of all.

Who survives?

Who doesn’t?

In this simple scenario, the answer is obvious. What might not be obvious is how many of us defend our businesses like they are that first fire. How many of you live in fear of another person stealing your fire? A lot, I would bet.

And so I am grateful for this week, for feeling challenged and misunderstood in my intention. I have come to realize those who are compelled to defend their fire are blinded by fear. They are unwilling to change because, so far, it has worked for them. Until they get hungry or their fuel runs out. Then what?

In a roundabout way, I think I have found the clarity to forge ahead. Those who wish to adapt, to change, to develop creatively, and to build businesses that will thrive long term have learned to share fire. It is that group, in my opinion, that will have the tools to move forward and build something that gives them the life they want. They are the creative thinkers and the dreamers, they are the ones who can take information and use, or not use, it in a way that benefits them. They are not compelled by fear.

You can open yourself to change, to community, to the conversation…

…Or you can defend your fire.

doing it anyway

I launched a new company last night (BOOMCRUSH) and, as such, chatted on twitter much later than I usually do. I was asked if I worry about stretching myself too thin, and I do. All the time.

I worry every single day of my life. I do things, take things on, get things done, and then the worry sets it. For example, I agreed to go on a nine city, twelve day speaking tour – without Steve. Did you get that second part – without Steve. That's like walking a tightrope strung 100 feet off the ground, with no net. At least it is for me.

Steve is my comfort, my constant, my biggest fan and harshest critic. He is the one person who will support all I do, but point out where I can do better. He is honest, he knows my odd habits and he takes care of me always.

And yet I agreed to go away for 12 days (9 cities) and speak to photographers without him. Am I an idiot? Why would I do such a thing?

Simple. It scares the shit out of me. I literally get butterflies, and not the good kind, every time I think about it. It is still weeks away and yet every day I get a little bit nervous. I want this – I want to speak to people, I thrive on teaching and facilitating. It's part of who I am and what I feel compelled to do. And it scares me.

That's good. If I'm scared, this is something I need to do.

You know what else scares me or makes me nervous? Almost everything new. Starting the WHAT IF conference scared me every day. It still scares me because the next one is coming up and I want/need more registrations. In my head I know they'll come, but my gut doesn't always believe my head.

Having a 12 year old boy scares me. He is texting with his friends, watching YouTube, playing video games, trying out for provincials in lacrosse and walking home from school alone. The fact that he is growing up worries me – not in a "I hope something doesn't happen to him" kind of way, but more in a "I hope we are helping him grow into a good man, a good influence in the world. I hope he will see his potential and reach for it. I hope he finds his bliss and follows it to happiness. I hope he finds love and joy in his life. I hope I live to see his every dream come true."

I am equally afraid for his younger brother, almost ten.

Fear is good. The nerves let you know you are taking a chance, you are alive in the moment. It would be so, so easy to sit in comfort, never growing into my potential. It would be so easy to just let life happen around me, to work in a regular job with a regular pay cheque, to live an anonymous life, unnoticed.

Easy is never the right choice. Not for me. Not for you.

So yeah, I worry about taking too much on – I hear all the time "You guys are so busy". We are, that's true. But it's also how we live, how we thrive and how we grow. Busy is good. Overwhelming is not. I'm not there yet.

You want something? Go get it. Be scared…

…do it anyway.

sudden and complete

That's what a revolution is – a sudden, complete or marked change in something, according to dictionary[dot]com (one of my favorite sites, btw, alongside thesaurus[dot]com).

There are many self proclaimed revolutionary things. I bet if you google revolutionary products you'll get everything from vacuums, to something Steve Jobs did. But how many of those revolutionary things actually marked a sudden and complete change? Some did, sure. And others will in the future.

Come on, folks, let's stop buying the hype and getting all bent out of shape when things don't work or aren't different. "REVOLUTIONARY" is a marketing buzzword used, in all likelihood to hide the shortcomings of something rather than to describe its value.

In fact, I would go so far as to say most "revolutionary" things are merely repackaged and redesigned ideas that have come before. At least as far as our corner of the world goes.

So, my I humbly suggest the following: let's put the marketing rhetoric away. Let's be responsible consumers and read everything with a grain of salt and a little bit of cynicism. Let's be aware of the hype, the hyperbole and the desire to sell you something, and let's focus instead on getting the full value out of what we already have and what we choose to invest in.

I would go so far as to say, let's use our own strengths to create and innovate. Let's pursue our dreams to fruition on our terms. Let's rely on ourselves and our community of like minded people to build something.

It might not be revolutionary in the end, but it will be genuine, and that has to count for something, right?

That's why Steve and I started the WHAT IF Conference – it's for creatives (in all genres) to come together, to build, to dream and to support each other. This is a place with intention matters more than hype and where community matters more than hierarchy. This is a place where every person's idea counts, where every creative is given an equal voice, and where hard work and steady achievement are given their due.

This is a place built for creatives, for artist-prenuers seeking a life that matters. This is a place for writers, painters, photographers, designers, business people, marketers, and more. There is nowhere quite like this place.

Why don't we start our own revolution? Let's change things up and make conferencing about community and teaching about facilitating. Let's get our speakers off the stage and into the crowd, let's put our students in the front and have them lead. Let's meet in a place where, collectively, we choose to find growth. And let's do it all NOW. RIGHT NOW.

What are we waiting for…it's time for a sudden and complete change. It's time for the Artists and Creatives to call the shots.

This is our time. This is YOUR time. Let's go…

 

on suplements and success

Healthy doesn't equal whole.

Bear with me on this one…I'm pretty healthy (if you forget about about the whole surgical menopause and no estrogen thing). I workout 4+ times a week, I eat really, really well. I drink lots of water and drink alcohol only on occasion. I had my first child before 30, and breast fed both my children. I weigh a little more than I did in high school, but I'm also an inch taller than I was at graduation. I get a decent sleep most nights and, to be fair, I don't have loads of stress in my life.

Healthy, right? But not whole.

I'm not whole – there are a lot of things my body can't do now. I am missing some vital pieces, and I need a gazillion supplements (pills) each day. I use a multi-vitamin, take calcium and vitamin D, probiotics, and a couple other things that make me feel better each day. And yet I eat healthy (really healthy), I exercise and I do everything you are supposed to do.

Healthy doesn't equal whole

Supplements aren't a bad thing – they help, actually. And I use them facilitate the success of my body and it's functions.

Business is no different. In fact, I'm struck by the similarities between a successful business and a successful body/weight/lifestyle.

Let's look at it this way: to succeed, a business needs constant, healthy nourishment. It needs to move, it needs to rest, it needs to be monitored frequently and it needs supplements for some things it can't get any other way. I was struck this morning, as I took my pills, at how differently my mind works when it comes to business vs. my personal health goals.

With my business, I can see where things aren't working and change them. Some things I notice right away, others creep up on me, but I'm vigilant and I do the work needed for success.

Why is it, then, that I (and probably you too) don't have the same awareness of our bodies and health. I'm gonna go out on a limb  and tell you that I fight a 10 pound battle. I feel like I'm about 10 pounds heavier than I want to be and I work like a maniac to try and change that. But I get frustrated, I sabotage myself with chocolate or really good bread. I get mad and stay in bed instead of going to the gym, all because I feel like I'm on a losing streak. This gets in my head and I shut down.

Truth is, I'm a self indulgent, self sabotaging, baby when it comes to my weight. A big old baby.

If I stomped my feet and ate chocolate every time something happened in my business it would fail. Sure, it could last for a while, but failure would come. So why do I treat my body and mind any differently?

It's about trial and error – sticking something out long enough to see if it works and if it doesn't, changing something. It's about knowing I'm on the right track, but that I might have a detour or a bump. It's about sucking it up, putting on my big girl pants, and getting it done, whether I like it or not. It's about shifting the story in my head and writing a new one. I can write, right?

And so today, supplements in hand, I pledge to forgive myself, make the changes I need to make, and go to bed each night knowing I did my best. Like my business, my health is a long term project that will face setbacks and unexpected changes. As a responsible business owner, I have to deal with those head on, fixing what I can, and working around what I can't. I will ask for help and not be ashamed to need it and I will keep trying, sure in the knowledge that trying is all I can do.

Sometimes what it obvious to others takes time for you to see. See it. Own it. Do it.

And forgive yourself along the way.

until it’s too late

For most of us, life is just, well, life.

Maybe we’re parents and we spend a lot of time with and doing things for our kids. Maybe we’re newlyweds thrilled just being with our new spouse. Maybe we’re artists, driven to create something new. Maybe we’re business people, students, retirees, athletes, innovators.

Our life is just our life. It’s what we know, what we do, and it unfolds around us..

…until you or someone you know gets cancer. Until it’s too late.

Cancer is all too common. There are too many stories of people, young and old, forced to fight for their lives. And it seems, from a purely anecdotal perspective, that there are more and more people who have no risk factors at all, getting the dreaded diagnosis.

Cancer might just be the one thing that touches every single one of us in some way. Some of us actually get cancer and are forced to deal with all that brings. Some of us have family members who have fought and won, or fought and lost. Some of us know people dealing with cancer right now. Some of us hear about people, people like us, fighting for their lives.

In 2008, I had a close call with cancer.  It ended up being borderline ovarian cancer – a bullet dodged to be sure. Yeah, I lost my ovaries along the way. Yeah, I lost the chance to have more children before I was ready to give that up. Yeah, I was forced into menopause about 30 years before I should have been. It sucked to be me for a while – I raged, I grieved, but I lived.

You know what’s crazy though? Cancer still touches my life.

My mom had breast cancer – fought it and won (so far). My aunt (mom’s sister) had breast cancer. She fought it, won and had it come back. Then she had to fight it again.

A parent at my kids’ school, someone I had known for years, went for her first mammogram at 40 and had stage 3 cancer. Within days she was in chemo and the fight for her life began.

A dear friend fought cancer for nearly 10 years and lost the fight almost three years ago.

Why is it, with the incidences of breast cancer, seemingly so prevalent in young women, there isn’t a way to screen earlier? Why is it so hard to get screened even when you are at risk? Why does it seem that even with all the attention given breast cancer, so many people (men and women) still get it?

I had the chance to ask some questions of the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation recently. I was curious if what I was hearing and experiencing was true – is there some huge upsurge of women under 40 with breast cancer, or was I simply more aware because these women were a lot like me?

There was some interesting information. For example, did you know that women under 40 have such dense breasts it is very difficult to detect any abnormalities? I didn’t realize that – I always thought 40 was a rather arbitrary number, but it’s related to density of the breast and the historically lower numbers of women under 50 having breast cancer.

But did you also know that there is no stat for women who have breast cancer under the age of 40? Interestingly 1 in 6 breast cancers are diagnosed in women in their 40s. That makes me wonder how many of those women had the cancer earlier and simply did not know.

Why now, why write this now? This is why: the Awareness Day Luncheon – the 20th anniversary of this event – May 3, 2012 at the Fairmont Hotel Vancouver. The keynote speaker, Rene Syler, is sharing her stories. She is a dreamer (not unlike you and I) who walked away from her life as a news anchor and towards a life of inspiration. Determined to find her own voice and to be an example to women just like her, she took a chance and decided to live life of her terms. And that is something I can relate to.

I haven’t always paid attention to these types of events, but I’m realizing it’s time for that to change.

I’m at risk for breast cancer.

I’m at lower risk because I lost my ovaries, but I’m at higher risk because of my aunt and mom’s experiences. I asked for, and was not given, a mammogram at age 37. I was too young. I didn’t have any risk factors (I was healthy, worked out, breast fed my children, drank in moderation, etc.). Oh, except for the whole borderline ovarian cancer and family history of breast cancer thing. I also asked for, and was not given, the test for the BRCA gene – same reasons were cited.

So you know what I did? I listened to the expert(s) and buried my head in the sand. Because, to tell the truth, I didn’t really want either of those things. I didn’t really want to know if I have the gene or if there is already an abnormality. I had just gone through something ridiculous and didn’t want to deal with anything else.

That was stupid. And irresponsible. And cowardly. And the only thing I could really think to do at the time – I was barely hanging on as it was.

Don’t be like me. Go have a mammogram. Do the self exam and get familiar with your breasts. Don’t assume there is enough research being done, don’t assume you’ll survive if you end up with cancer.

Be proactive. Be healthy. Be smart about your choices and be an advocate for your health. Know the risk factors and minimize what you can. Go on the walks, raise money and don’t ever assume there is enough attention being paid to breast cancer research (or any other cancer for that matter).

Don’t let it be too late…

until it's too late

For most of us, life is just, well, life.

Maybe we're parents and we spend a lot of time with and doing things for our kids. Maybe we're newlyweds thrilled just being with our new spouse. Maybe we're artists, driven to create something new. Maybe we're business people, students, retirees, athletes, innovators.

Our life is just our life. It's what we know, what we do, and it unfolds around us..

…until you or someone you know gets cancer. Until it's too late.

Cancer is all too common. There are too many stories of people, young and old, forced to fight for their lives. And it seems, from a purely anecdotal perspective, that there are more and more people who have no risk factors at all, getting the dreaded diagnosis.

Cancer might just be the one thing that touches every single one of us in some way. Some of us actually get cancer and are forced to deal with all that brings. Some of us have family members who have fought and won, or fought and lost. Some of us know people dealing with cancer right now. Some of us hear about people, people like us, fighting for their lives.

In 2008, I had a close call with cancer.  It ended up being borderline ovarian cancer – a bullet dodged to be sure. Yeah, I lost my ovaries along the way. Yeah, I lost the chance to have more children before I was ready to give that up. Yeah, I was forced into menopause about 30 years before I should have been. It sucked to be me for a while – I raged, I grieved, but I lived.

You know what's crazy though? Cancer still touches my life.

My mom had breast cancer – fought it and won (so far). My aunt (mom's sister) had breast cancer. She fought it, won and had it come back. Then she had to fight it again.

A parent at my kids' school, someone I had known for years, went for her first mammogram at 40 and had stage 3 cancer. Within days she was in chemo and the fight for her life began.

A dear friend fought cancer for nearly 10 years and lost the fight almost three years ago.

Why is it, with the incidences of breast cancer, seemingly so prevalent in young women, there isn't a way to screen earlier? Why is it so hard to get screened even when you are at risk? Why does it seem that even with all the attention given breast cancer, so many people (men and women) still get it?

I had the chance to ask some questions of the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation recently. I was curious if what I was hearing and experiencing was true – is there some huge upsurge of women under 40 with breast cancer, or was I simply more aware because these women were a lot like me?

There was some interesting information. For example, did you know that women under 40 have such dense breasts it is very difficult to detect any abnormalities? I didn't realize that – I always thought 40 was a rather arbitrary number, but it's related to density of the breast and the historically lower numbers of women under 50 having breast cancer.

But did you also know that there is no stat for women who have breast cancer under the age of 40? Interestingly 1 in 6 breast cancers are diagnosed in women in their 40s. That makes me wonder how many of those women had the cancer earlier and simply did not know.

Why now, why write this now? This is why: the Awareness Day Luncheon – the 20th anniversary of this event – May 3, 2012 at the Fairmont Hotel Vancouver. The keynote speaker, Rene Syler, is sharing her stories. She is a dreamer (not unlike you and I) who walked away from her life as a news anchor and towards a life of inspiration. Determined to find her own voice and to be an example to women just like her, she took a chance and decided to live life of her terms. And that is something I can relate to.

I haven't always paid attention to these types of events, but I'm realizing it's time for that to change.

I'm at risk for breast cancer.

I'm at lower risk because I lost my ovaries, but I'm at higher risk because of my aunt and mom's experiences. I asked for, and was not given, a mammogram at age 37. I was too young. I didn't have any risk factors (I was healthy, worked out, breast fed my children, drank in moderation, etc.). Oh, except for the whole borderline ovarian cancer and family history of breast cancer thing. I also asked for, and was not given, the test for the BRCA gene – same reasons were cited.

So you know what I did? I listened to the expert(s) and buried my head in the sand. Because, to tell the truth, I didn't really want either of those things. I didn't really want to know if I have the gene or if there is already an abnormality. I had just gone through something ridiculous and didn't want to deal with anything else.

That was stupid. And irresponsible. And cowardly. And the only thing I could really think to do at the time – I was barely hanging on as it was.

Don't be like me. Go have a mammogram. Do the self exam and get familiar with your breasts. Don't assume there is enough research being done, don't assume you'll survive if you end up with cancer.

Be proactive. Be healthy. Be smart about your choices and be an advocate for your health. Know the risk factors and minimize what you can. Go on the walks, raise money and don't ever assume there is enough attention being paid to breast cancer research (or any other cancer for that matter).

Don't let it be too late…

on being genuine

Intent matters. A lot.

But at some point, intent becomes blurred as people begin buying into their own hype.

When people start to buy into their own hype or become self-proclaimed (anything) or adopt the labels other put on them, they become takers instead of givers. In other words, people who give anything – advice, help, interesting quotes, etc – are only givers as long as they don't take on the persona the world gives them. Once they do that, they are takers.

Are you a giver or a taker?

In this world of constant connection and instant updates, we are bombarded with seemingly innocuous statements. Some of them are interesting, some of them designed merely to share; some of them are written with a keen eye to the result, the result usually being an increase in something like status or money. Very little of what we see and read each day is put into the world without reservation or expectation. Everyone wants something.

As someone who came into their own before social media, I'm challenged by this. I don't buy into my own hype – I cringe when someone calls me a leader or innovator. But I can't say I don't like being recognized for what I do, after all having your work product treated with respect is incredibly gratifying. I appreciate every time someone comments about my work in a positive way. I like being thanked for what I do. I'm not alone in that, I know.

So where is the balance between giving and taking? Is is possible to merely give or must we always take too?

I don't know the answer, but I know I struggle with it.

What do you want to be?

For me it comes back to intent. Why do we do what we do? Why am I tweeting (or not tweeting) that thing? Why am I writing? Why am I sharing what I write?

Often I will write a post, share a tweet, offer a status update, and feel like I'm speaking to no one. At first that bothered me, but I've since realized that I'm only one person in a massive sea of people contributing to the larger conversation. Sometimes what I say will get a response, sometimes it won't.

I consider what I share, very carefully. I don't want to have my relationships live only online and I don't want people to think they know me because of what I post. I'm a reluctant sharer in many ways, choosing to leave a very large part of myself outside the pubic eye. But when I do share, it's rarely with the intent to sell anything or be anything other than what I am, at that moment.

It's here, actually, in this place that people have to search for, where the truest sense of me can be found. It's here that I can write with impunity, share with integrity and live with honesty. It's here that my intent can truly be seen and I am a giver, not a taker. I don't want to be that person – I don't seek greatness, I seek to be known for who and what I am, whatever that may be.

My intention is to be me, and only me. Not to take from others, but to simply give to the world.

What is your intention?