Kristin van Ogtrop's Blog, page 389

Prioritizing What Is Important Can Help You Organize Your Holiday Budget

The holidays can be a difficult time for family finances. We want to shower the people we love with tokens of our affections, but we don't want to break the bank.



In his book The Simple Dollar, author Trent Hamm brings up an important budgeting concept that applies amazingly well to the holidays:

If there's a single overriding point ... it's this: Money is nothing more than a tool with which you can create the life you truly want. The true challenge is knowing what you truly want, taking control of your situation, and putting yourself in a position to take advantage of the opportunities that come your way while protecting yourself from the obstacles life throws at all of us.

Before you buy up every toy on your child's list or splurge for a dream vacation for your husband, pause and think about Trent's quote:


What matters most to you in life?
What kind of life do you truly want?
Do you have a financial safety net for when life throws obstacles at you?
Do you have a budget and know exactly where your money goes?


Once you have these questions answered, then you can determine how much money you really have and want to spend on holiday gifts. You still need to save money this month. You still need to pay your bills. You still need to live in a way that doesn't throw you into debt and keep you from living the life you desire.



Living an organized and uncluttered life includes managing and maintaining a budget -- it also means knowing what is important, truly important to you and always keeping these important things at the top of your list of priorities.

What's Most Important When it Comes to Work?

In recent weeks, I've been thinking a lot about what's most important to me when it comes to my work.

Money?

Flexibility?

Emotional and spiritual fulfillment?

Creating a better world?

For almost 20 years, I have worked in a profession that most people either don't understand or outright despise: public relations. I fell into this field, really. In college, I wanted to be a journalist. I wrote for the campus newspaper and had one "try out" writing obituaries for a local newspaper. The pay for that job—in 1991 when I graduated college—was $13,000 a year. I made the snap decision that I'd rather be living in a big city working as an administrative assistant than toiling away at a small market newspaper near my hometown.

When I moved to Boston I went to the local teaching hospital in search of a job. Any job. The economy was bad then, too, so I would've been happy with answering phones and filing. That's when I saw the posting for a public relations associate. The job involved answering phones and filing newspaper clippings, but it also allowed me to work with local health and medical beat reporters. I set up interviews with patients and doctors and escorted camera crews. There was the occassional crisis, too, which fed the journalist sleeping inside of me.

Many years later, I would find myself teaching introductory public relations courses at a local college. I thought about a career in academia and decided no, too much schooling. Since having my second child six years ago, I have been freelancing. I pick up short-term projects here and there. Most are still within the field of public relations and I am able to make a good living. I'm also able to spend more time with my boys than I could if I worked full time in an office somewhere.

But what's next?

Going back to school for an advanced degree? Making a total career change (oh wouldn't it be fun to own a paper store or be an interior decorator)? In all seriousness, though, I'm struggling over my next steps. I'm told these are my prime "earning years" and the fact that I am out of the traditional workforce now could have a big impact on me later. When my boys are in high school, where do I want to be?

I look around at other women I know, the ones with high-paying careers and families, and for some, the stress is visible. I feel fortunate that I was able to trade away that stress for more flexibility and yet I have given up other things along the way: corporate-funded retirement and benefits, paid vacations and holidays, professional training and development, bonuses and raises (as if those still exist). Unlike women who leave their careers altogether to raise children, I've managed to stay connected to my field and keep my resume in tact, but at what price?

As another new year approaches, I'm making a list of what's important to me professionally and reading a lot of books and blogs about on-ramping women. I'm curious what other women think. What's most important to you when it comes to work?

 

 

 

 

Why Write Mean Things Online You Would Never Say in Person?

"You are a terrible mother." "You should be ashamed of yourself." "You're an idiot." "Your children must hate you so much."

 

All this may be true. Yet no one has ever said anything like it to me in person. But during the 12 years since I've been writing regular magazine and newspaper columns— about parenting and life and, now, etiquette—I've been barraged.

 

And it's not just me; vitriol litters nearly any online comments section, no matter how innocuous the topic under discussion.

 

I just stumbled across a comment, for instance, taking me to task for suggesting in December's Real Simple magazine that it might be OK to bring along an extra guest, if attending a large cocktail party where one more person might not make a difference. "...it might be fine. But why not call to check anyway?" I wrote.

Which sparked this response from a reader: "You have done every host and hostess a disservice...SHAME."

 

Note the use of ALL-CAPS, which gives the impression of quivering wrath, righteous indignation—a deep, bone-shaking disgust. Is this reader really that ANGRY?

 

Somehow, I don't think so. I picture her hitting the "Post" key and then never giving it another thought as she skips off to a large cocktail party, possibly with an uninvited guest in tow.

 

In fact, I doubt she ever was truly angry. Or thought I would feel SHAME. Or, if she stopped to consider, would have wanted me to mope around the rest of the day, all hang-dog and sad, feeling bad for having had an opinion and expressing it.

I have a few theories about why people write angrily online: (1) They think it's expected, because everyone else does it; (2) They think it's the only way to get noticed, amid a cacophony of opinions and views, or (3) They're blowing off steam anonymously, because something else in their lives is making them feel bad, and they don't know how to address that problem directly.

 

So, where's the harm? Sticks and stones, etc. 

Well, as an etiquette columnist, I have to ask: Is this the best way to carry on a public conversation in the 21st century? Do we really want historians of the 22nd century to feel sorry for us, for not having been capable of handling gracefully the giddy delirium of being online?

 

One solution: Teach "Internet comments writing" in school. Remember "business letter writing?" And "how-to-address-an-envelope-properly writing?" We need better writing skills to give us confidence we can use words to express ideas, not just insults.

 

Right? Or am I an IDIOT?

 

(image by Digital Sextant, courtesy of flickr)

 

Lisa Birnbach Preps for her Real Simple Pop-Up Shop Appearance

This week the first-ever Real Simple Holiday Pop Up Shop opened in the heart of Rockefeller Center. If you're in the neighborhood over the next few days, stop in and shop for gifts, take holiday photos with Santa, catch live demos and presentations by Real Simple editors, or check out some of the experts that are joining us for some fun festivities.

 

One expert you won't want to miss is Lisa Birnbach, who just released a brand new book—True Prep: It's a Whole New Old World—a follow-up to The Official Preppy Handbook.

 

 

Back in 1980 (yes, 30 years ago) Lisa first formally introduced us to Muffy and Biff. They inspired our wardrobe. (Hello, embroidered animals and grosgrain belts.) They instructed us to call Grandmother once a week, join the tennis team at the club, and replace our school bag with a monogrammed Boat and Tote. They also showed us that when pink is paired with Kelly green – it can look sharp on anyone.

 

We had a chance to chat with Lisa to find out why now–after 30 years–it was time for a preppy revival.

 

Why did you decide we needed a follow-up book now?

Lisa Birnbach: I was actually responding to our readers. People were requesting a sequel to The Official Preppy Handbook. You know, a lot has changed in the world over the last 30 years but when it comes to being a prep, things haven't changed that much.

 

If you had to pick one thing that has changed for preps over the years, what would it be?

LB: Polarfleece.

 

Why Polarfleece?

LB: Preppy's are, by nature, in love with natural fibers. Buying Polarfleece is actually a pretty big deal. And, not to mention, that Polartec—the Company that makes these microfiber items—is actually based in Massachusetts. For anyone who doesn't know, Massachusetts is one of our preppiest states. It's ground-breaking.

 

What does it take to be preppy?

LB: A true prep is confident, poised, charming, and sporty. A prep goes with the flow and will always fit in. No matter what. A prep understands that education is important and that money isn't essential to survival. Preps like to do things the way their parents did them.  In fact, they still go on vacations with their parents. And they still let them pay to take them on vacation.

 

What's the one item of clothing every preppy male or female needs to own?

LB: A blue blazer. It's the perfect go-to finishing piece.

 

What's proper preppy holiday party attire?

LB: Preppy girls: Velvet. Black velvet is great but really any color works. Of course, you'll already be wearing your pearls. And, unless, there is snow on the ground, those UGG boots are off-limits. 
For a dressy affair, you can't go wrong with tartan and taffeta.

Preppy guys: Suit or a sport coat and cords will work. Absolutely no jeans or sneakers. Preps love embroidered animals on clothing, but seasonal-inspired embroidery is a no-no. Refrain from sporting mistletoe, wreaths, you get it.

 

What's proper preppy party etiquette?

LB: There are just a few simple rules to follow:

•Shower within 12 hours of party-time.

•Arrive with clean fingernails.

•Make eye-contact.

•Give a nice, firm handshake.

•Avoid kissing the hostess on the mouth.

 

We know first impressions are important. What's a great hostess gift?

LB: •A bottle of champagne or single malt scotch. Plus, re-gifting a bottle of alcohol is totally acceptable and easy if you need to find something fast.

•Frame. Preps do love their photos.

•Imprinted napkins or monogrammed luggage tags.

•Magazine subscription.

 

What does every prep have on their holiday wish list this year?

LB: •Digital camera because they have definitely lost the one they received last year. In case you didn't know, preppies are always losing things.

•Passport case. This way, they don't lose their passport. (See above.)

•Professional organizer would also be nice.

 

Why read True Prep?

LB: Preppy or not, this book is filled with lots of common sense. Plus, it's funny. And everyone needs a good laugh.

 

Still looking for more preppy pointers? Stop by the Real Simple Pop-Up Shop this Monday between 6:00pm-7:00pm to catch Lisa signing copies of her newly released book.

 

Money Rant of the Week: Mortgage Solicitations

The husband and I are in the middle of refinancing our house. We decided to work with the same mortgage broker that secured our loan when we bought the place back in 2008.

 

Lots of money experts advise against using a broker because of outrageously high fees that some charge (luckily, many of these were recently banned by the Federal Reserve). But I just don't have the time to call bank after bank to inquire what interest rate we qualify for. Even those online mortgage marketplaces (like this one here) are more than I really want to deal with. So if I pay our broker a little something for all her work (even if it is just running all of our financial statistics through a computer program), that's fine by me. And just for the record, her fee wasn't remotely egregious. Nor was it sneaky—it was clearly presented on our initial fees worksheet. And with the great interest rate that she secured for us, we'll make up for those fees in just a matter of months with our lower mortgage payments.

 

So now that you've got the backstory, I must clarify that this isn't a rant against mortgage brokers. Rather, it's a blast (as my sister would dub it) against the deluge of junk mail we've received since we began the refinancing process. Submitting our application must have put us on some sort of mortgage mailing list. Our mailbox is now remniscent of the fireplace in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone—letters flying out of it, hitting you before you can catch them. Well, okay, not really, but that made for a funny image, right? And to be serious, most days, we receive enough envelopes marked presorted first-class to completely fill our mailbox. There were 10 solicitations yesterday alone. Among the crazy claims they promise: "Refinance without any fees!" "You qualify for a zero-percent interest rate!" and even, "Get your reverse mortgage now!" I haven't even paid off my mortgage, so how can I get a reverse mortgage?! 

 

The government has cracked down on dubious mortgage dealings, so why can't they eliminate this obnoxious practice as well. We have the do-not-call list. Why can't we get the do-not-send-any-junk-mail-to-me list as well? I'm just hoping that this is one of the things that the newly-created Consumer Financial Protection Bureau will eventually address. But until then, I guess I'll keep ducking when opening my mailbox.

 

What other situations about buying home or refinancing drive you crazy? Sound off below.

Jessica Seinfeld Dishes on Her New Cookbook and the Holidays

Attention, holiday shoppers! Today kicks off the opening of the first-ever Real Simple holiday pop-up store in the heart of Rockefeller Center (right across from the giant tree and skating rink). If you're in the area, stop by and say hello, plus get great gift ideas and holiday tips from our team of experts who will be doing demos and offering advice each day.

 

One of our experts is Jessica Seinfeld, who just released a new cookbook—Double Delicious! Good, Simple Food for Busy, Complicated Lives, a follow-up to her best-selling Deceptively Delicious. A mother of three young children (and married to comedian Jerry Seinfeld, of course), she also creates cooking videos for her website Doitdelicious.com, which aims to teach beginner cooks quick and easy recipes in a down-to-earth, non-threatening way.

 

Jessica will be demonstrating her Whoopie Pies and doing a book signing at the pop-up store this Friday at 1 p.m. I was able to catch her on the phone recently to get a little insight into her new cookbook and how she handles the holidays.

 

What makes the Whoopie Pies from your cookbook special?

 

Jessica Seinfeld: They are such a favorite of mine…this is pretty much the only item in the book that [nutritionist] Joy Bauer did not approve because I really believe in having treats in moderation and enjoying your life. Especially if you give your body the gift of eating well most of the time, then you deserve to eat what you want, always of course in moderation. So to me, this is a great tribute to a wonderful treat that I know I love and lots of people love. I wanted to find a way to get a little bit of spinach in them [the recipe calls for a ½ cup of spinach puree] but still, they're full of fat, full of calories, and absolutely delicious. We all deserve to treat ourselves.

 

How is this cookbook different from your first?

 

JS: This book is full of great recipes just like the first one was, but this one is a little bit more focused on whole grains in the recipes than the first one was. I created a shopping guide to help people navigate supermarkets, which I find totally overwhelming, as well as reading food labels, which is next to impossible unless you're a scientist. So I wanted to break that down for people.

 

Many of your recipes include vegetable purees. Do you have any tips for getting picky eaters to try or like new foods?

 
JS: For me, it was always just not putting stress around mealtime and finding another way to feel better about the food my family was eating.…People make pumpkin muffins all the time, or people make zucchini bread all the time, and oftentimes if you're giving a kid zucchini bread or pumpkin muffins, you might not say they're pumpkin muffins, [you'll just say] they're a muffin, if you're dealing with a picky eater. So for me, this was how you remarket food for children that's actually a favorite they already like, but it's just got a little something extra in it to make it better for them.

 

Do your kids like to cook or help you out in the kitchen?

 

JS: Every time I pick up my knife, my son is right there putting his apron on and wants to help me. My daughter wants to be a waitress when she grows up and my son wants to be an ice cream man. So we're very focused on the kitchen and food in our house.

 

What must-have ingredients are always in your refrigerator or pantry?

 

JS: I love olive oil. I love a high-quality olive oil, and I love a low- to mid-range olive oil that I keep for everyday cooking. The higher-end [oil] I use for salads or drizzling just for flavor, so you can not go through that high-quality one very quickly. It's expensive, so I save it for special occasions. I always have garlic, I always have lemon, I always try to keep at least one fresh herb in the house, and I have my favorite knife and my absolute favorite cutting board. I find that having a great knife and a great cutting board makes me feel comfortable at all times, whatever I want to cook. And I think that's half the battle for people, getting comfortable in the kitchen.

 

Do you get stressed out around the holidays? How do you manage that stress?

 

JS: I don't get stressed out. I just try to manage my time really well. I try not to drink a lot of alcohol, because I know a lot of parties are focused on alcohol but…I'm so old now [laughs] that I get so tired when I drink anything. I really limit myself to one glass of wine if I'm at a holiday party and I nurse it for a long time. I think that cuts down on your tiredness and your exhaustion and your crankiness. And I try to get a little bit of extra sleep at night….My perspective is, if you're so stressed out about the holidays, you're doing something wrong and you're not really focused on the most important things, which are being grateful for what you have and being conscious of other people who don't. I've spent a lot of time thinking about how I can give of myself and time and resources and thought to people who are less fortunate. And far be it for me to be stressed about anything that has to do with anything other than people in need.

 

What do you typically serve around the holidays? Do you have any family specialties?

 

JS: My anniversary is on Christmas, so Christmas is the one night a year that Jerry and I always go out to dinner…I'm going to make potato latkes for my son's school…and we'll certainly have those for the holiday…I have to tell you that I'm the lamest holiday person that there is because I really don't celebrate Christmas.

 

But do you make a big deal out of Hanukkah?

 

JS: Yeah, we do. We have the roast chicken and potato pancakes, and I make homemade applesauce. It's not really the kind of deal with Hanukkah the way Christmas is. It's just a different kind of holiday; it's not as focused on giving gifts and parties and stuff. It's a more introspective holiday, so it's not that celebratory.

 

Do you do any holiday baking?

 

JS: Not really. I bake all the time anyway. Baking is my pastime. So I bake pies, and it's such a great time of year to make sweet potato pie. We have so many apples left over from fall apple picking, so I make lots of applesauce and apple desserts and baked apples. I just made two amazing apple pies last night, and I made two pecan pies, and pumpkin pie of course. My family is crazy for pumpkin pie, which is wonderful, so I make one with a gingery crust and one with a regular graham cracker crust.

 

Do you have a holiday wish list?

 

JS: Jerry and I don't really exchange holiday gifts…for my anniversary, I would like a cashmere robe and really nice, cozy slippers.

(image courtesy of Doitdelicious.com)

Where is that music coming from?

Visitors to our home are often surprised to realize that music is coming from speakers in our ceiling (pictured at right).



I'll admit that when my husband first suggested installing speakers, which I can only describe as resembling something you'd see at the mall, I was skeptical. But now, nearly one year later, I've started asking him why we don't have speakers in every room (because apparently I need a soundtrack wherever I go - including the bathroom).



The real "magic" to the system is not the speakers, but the Sonos wireless, multi-room music system which drives them.



At the bottom of our basement stairs (pictured below) sits a Sonos 120 Zoneplayer ($499)  which is connected to our router. This is the heart of our household's sound system through which we can access music services including Pandora, Naposter, Sirius and HD Radio (which allows us to listen to radio stations from around the world, including our local favorites). We can also play any music we have in our personal library. In Sonos-speak, the speakers in our kitchen and living room are defined as a "zone."

We have a second Zoneplayer, also in the basement, which drives the speakers in our bedroom. When playing the same thing at the same time on both zones, the system matches the playback so that music is synched together with no echoes. 



Stashed in a kitchen cabin is a rechargeable Sonos Controller (Yep, you guessed it – Pictured below.) but most of the time we use the free apps for my iPhone and iPad to control the system. We've been able to get rid of our bedside alarm clocks, setting the system to wake us up in the morning with the built in alarm clock function.

The Sonos system is available in three different systems: the Sonos S5 ($399) is an all-in-one bookshelf unit with speakers (like a Bose Wave Radio), the Zoneplayer 120 we have, and the Zoneplayer 90 ($349) which needs to be connected to an existing sound system like a receiver. 



Because it's a wireless (no holes, no wiring) my husband assures me that installing the system is very easy, and can be completed by any would-be do-it-yourselfer. You need to have one of the three available Sonos devices listed above, or a small wireless connector called a Zonebridge 100 ($99), connected via an ethernet cable to your home router or high-speed internet modem. Remaining units are plugged into available electrical outlets and only take a few minutes to set up.



We plan on expanding the system in the future – adding speakers outside (for entertaining), and additional speakers in our kids rooms so they can listen to music, or story podcasts such as Storynory.

Special thanks to my husband, and tech consultant, Steven Brandt
for explaining where the music comes from.

More Consumers Are Dumping Cable

Research firm SNL Kagen recently reported that cable television suffered its biggest customer drop in three decades, as 119,000 people canceled their cable, satellite or telecommunications subscriptions. That drop followed the biggest defection on record – a loss of 216,000 subscribers in the second quarter. To this I say: Welcome to my world! You'll love being cable-free!

 

I dropped my cable in August 2009 and never looked back. (I wrote about the decision in my Yahoo!Finance column.) My primary motivation was not financial – although we've saved more than $900 since we dumped Comcast. It was more about removing a potent distraction that made it difficult for us to be intentional about how we spend our time, and to be more thoughtful about where we put our attention. Even though we don't allow the kids to watch TV during the school week, the stations were constantly churning out new inane junk I had to ban on weekends and holidays.

 

Researchers have found that self-control is more important to kids' success than high IQ -– and self-control is not just a genetic blessing, but something that can be taught and enhanced with practice. Studies have found that one key is simply eliminating distractions that hijack focus and attention. My three daughters read more, play more games, and one of them boosted her grades and moved up to all honors classes. While I can't prove cause and effect, I'm really happy the cable is gone.

 

My kids still watch the shows everyone talks about at school (Glee) and catch some cable programs on Hulu.com on the weekends. My kids love the show Psych, so we just ordered the whole season on Netflix.

 

Have you dumped your cable service? What was the result? If you're thinking about it -- perhaps as a New Year's Resolution, what's stopping you?

Five Healthy Gifts On My List This Season

As we all scramble to tick off our holiday gift lists, I wanted to suggest a handful of inexpensive, healthy -- or simply just helpful -- items that would make terrific gifts or stocking stuffers for anyone on your list who's into healthy living.

*Grease Monkey Wipes:
These individually-wrapped wipes (six for $6, pictured above) are strong enough to erase traces of stubborn bike-chain grease (for your cycling sister) but also gentle enough to use as an all-around hand-wipe during expeditions to germ-laden public spaces. (Mall escalator handrails, anyone?) The natural citrus-based formula is safe for sensitive skin but strong.

*Water.org bottle: 
Pick up a limited-edition water bottle ($19-25, pictured above) to keep you hydrated day after day in a handsome way, but also to help ensure that the millions of people without access to fresh water don't go thirsty. 100% of the profits from the sale of these Camelbak bottles goes to help improve the lives of those who need clean water. 



*These convertible Running Gloves from Manzella ($30, pictured above) will keep your hands toasty during the most frigid days of winter without making you feel like you're wearing bulky potholders.



*Soothe a sore muscle with a bit more style with alively Retro Ice Pack from The Container Store. ($13, pictured above) The soft fabric also ensures that you the icepack doesn't inadvertently irritate your skin.



*Okay, I'll admit that this item may not exactly slim your hips or lower your HDL, but honestly, I find it sort of  genius -- and I'd even wager that warm hands leads to overall happiness, if only by a tiny increment. Instead of the constant on-off of gloves or mittens, just tuck your mitts into a cozy stroller muff -- The Mommy Mitten, $30, or Baby Jogger Hand Muff (above), $40 -- and push that pram no matter the weather outside. A great present for anyone with a little one and a lot of errands. (Hint, hint.)

Plan Your December, Today!

Now that Thanksgiving is behind us and we're propelling toward the holiday season, it's a great time to get organized to keep your stress levels under control. Even if you don't celebrate Christmas, you still might be invited to parties, plan to take time off from work, and will celebrate the New Year. December is a mess for pretty much all Americans -- and the better organized you are the easier it is to survive.


Pull out your calendar. Start this process by making sure you have all known events marked on your schedule. Do you have an office party? A secret Santa gift exchange? Parties? Dinners? Travel? Parades? Pageants? Do your children have events for school or sports teams or orchestra concerts? Do you need to make cookies for your child's class party? Get everything on the calendar.
If you have any scheduling conflicts, decide now which event you will attend and send your regrets to the other offer. If you think you're overbooked, you can send regrets to offers which might not have conflicts -- just to keep your sanity.
Pull out your to-do list. Write down all of your obligations and action items related to those obligations. For example: If you need to make cookies for your daughter's class party, you'll need to write down grocery shopping for supplies, making the cookies, packaging the cookies, and delivering the cookies onto your to-do list. Additionally, you'll need to schedule these events on your calendar so you will remember to do them when you need to.
Plan your meals. Pull out cookbooks and your calendar, and plan your meals for the month. Skip meals when you'll be eating out of the house, but don't forget to plan meals for your children if they'll be at home with a babysitter. Schedule time on your calendar for when you will make your meals -- especially if you're in charge of any large dinner parties.
Create your shopping lists. Based on your meal plan, you'll need to create your shopping lists for the month. Additionally, now is the time to create your lists for any gifts you plan to exchange at the holidays. Don't forget hostess gifts for parties you'll attend and one or two "works for anyone" gifts for any surprise gift givers who might appear at your door. Also, you'll need to schedule time to do this shopping -- so pull out your calendar and mark off blocks of time to do your shopping.


Good luck to you as you experience these next 31 days. If you stay organized, you might greatly enjoy this festive month!