Marcia Sirota's Blog, page 3

Alice Munro and the Enabling of Child Sexual Abuse

By now, everyone knows about the essay Andrea Robin Skinner wrote for the Toronto Star in which she spoke about having been sexually abused by her stepfather, Gerald Fremlin, and about how her mother, Alice Munro, chose to side with her husband over her daughter. This essay came just a few months after Munro’s death at age 92, and it has shaken up the Canadian literary community.

Many people have said many things since this essay was published. I want to talk specifically about enabling and about the conspiracy of silence that arose in order to protect Alice Munro from any consequences of her husband’s egregious behaviour.

As a psychotherapist for many years, I have learned that child sexual abuse doesn’t occur in a vacuum. While it takes a village to raise a child, it also takes a village to abandon and retraumatize one.

The pedophile perpetrates the abuse but the enablers perpetuate it

When a child is being sexually abused, there is almost always at least one adult around who knows what’s happening and who can make it stop, if they choose to. There are always other adults around who could at least notice the signs of trauma in a child and step in to protect them, if they choose to. While a pedophile is responsible for perpetrating the abuse, enablers serve to perpetuate it.

Andrea Skinner was surrounded by enablers. She lived with her father and her siblings but she would go and visit her mother and stepfather periodically. After she was abused by Fremlin the first time when she was nine, she told her father what had happened. He never discussed the abuse with her again and he forbade her sisters to ever mention it to their mother.

Her father continued sending the young Andrea to visit her mother and stepfather, accompanied by one of her sisters who was supposed to act as a chaperone. Of course, the abuse continued, because a child is not in the position of protecting another child from a sexual predator. That is the responsibility of the adults around them.

There were other enablers of the abuse. It turns out that Munro’s biographers knew about it but chose not to mention it in their books. There were people in the Canadian literary community who knew what had happened and they, too, kept quiet. Margaret Atwood admitted in a recent interview that she had heard rumours, and went on to say that in small-town Ontario, these things weren’t openly discussed. I wonder how many of Munro’s friends knew more than just rumours and still did nothing.

Alice Munro was one of many enablers of her daughter’s sexual abuse

Alice Munro herself was an enabler. When Andrea was 25, she finally got up the courage to tell her mother what had happened to her. Munro got angry, accusing her daughter of having “seduced” Fremlin. She dismissed Skinner’s feelings, saying that this was between her daughter and Fremlin. According to Skinner, Munro “reacted exactly as I feared she would, as if she had learned of an infidelity,” and that Munro was “overwhelmed by her sense of injury to herself.”

Munro told her daughter that she had spoken up “too late,” because by then, Munro was too in love with her husband to leave him. Munro’s selfishness was in evidence here in her statement that “our misogynistic culture was to blame” if Skinner “expected [Munro] to deny her own needs, sacrifice for her children, and make up for the failings of men.”

Although Munro did not appear to know about Skinner’s abuse while it was going on, she admitted to her daughter that she had known about Fremlin having had “friendships” with other children. Skinner noted in her essay that Munro “was emphasizing her own sense that she, personally, had been betrayed.”

It seems as though Munro perceived these so-called “friendships” as acts of infidelity on Fremlin’s part and had been more concerned with her own sense of injured pride than with the safety and welfare of the many children he was abusing. It makes me wonder what Munro would have done if she had known about Skinner’s abuse while it was actually going on.

In cases of child abuse, the narcissist protects their own interests

In my many years as a psychotherapist, I have encountered a number of toxic narcissists. These are individuals who are enormously over-entitled and self-important; incapable of taking responsibility for their actions, and profoundly lacking in empathy. These negative traits tend to be magnified when such an individual achieves a position of high social status in which their grandiosity is validated.

Based on what Andrea Skinner had to say in her essay, Munro perfectly fits the profile of a toxic narcissist. With her many achievements, awards, and iconic status, it’s not difficult to understand how Munro might have evolved from a somewhat narcissistic, creative individual to a full-blown toxic narcissist.

Skinner was a goner from the start. All the enablers appeared to have one goal in mind: to protect Alice Munro. Was her ex-husband too aware of Munro’s social currency to risk upsetting her with the news that her new husband was molesting their daughter?

Were her friends in the literary community too afraid to risk being cast out of the golden inner circle for confronting Munro about the abuse? Were her biographers too reluctant to risk the disapproval of those who adored Munro, and fearing that her fans would “shoot the messenger?” We’ll never know, but it’s something to consider.

Alice Munro’s fame and narcissism created the perfect conditions to enable her daughter’s abuse

Skinner’s predicament from the start was that her mother was both world-famous and profoundly insensitive to the needs of the children around her. Munro’s narcissism made her incapable of responding with sensitivity and compassion when her daughter revealed what had happened to her, and Munro’s fame made her immune to the consequences of this cold-hearted response.

My heart breaks for Andrea Skinner. It must have been unspeakably awful for her. Not only was she being sexually abused; everyone around her was focused on her mother’s well-being and not on hers. It must have been so painful for her as well, to observe her mother being lauded as a feminist icon and genius, when her experience of her mother was so negative.

I’m sad that Skinner waited until Munro was dead to reveal in public what had happened to her. However, I understand it. She grew up surrounded by enablers and must have been conditioned to expect punishment for speaking out about her trauma. It must have taken her an enormous amount of courage to finally tell the truth, even after this many years, and even after Munro was no longer with us.

After posting her essay, Skinner has been unavailable for comment. I hope she is surrounded by people who love her and support her and see her for the valuable person that she is. Her parents and all the enablers in her life caused her enormous harm, and the fame machine did her a great disservice. It is my hope that the people around Skinner today are giving her all the compassion and care that she deserves.

—-

Sign up here for my free bi-weekly wellness newsletter that brings you fresh, thought-provoking content.

Subscribe to my YouTube Channel where you’ll learn simple tips for taking the best care of yourself and your loved ones.

Tune in to my Ruthless Compassion Podcast where I go in-depth about topics like mental health, trauma, and loneliness.

Tune in to my Reel Mental Podcast where I host lively discussions with film critics and explore how mental health is portrayed on-screen.

Complete our Audience Listening Survey here.

if(window.strchfSettings === undefined) window.strchfSettings = {};window.strchfSettings.stats = {url: "https://marciasirotamd.storychief.io/... "Alice Munro and the Enabling of Child Sexual Abuse",siteId: "3591",id: "84fb0907-fb13-4676-8158-d29510e9b589"};(function(d, s, id) {var js, sjs = d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0];if (d.getElementById(id)) {window.strchf.update(); return;}js = d.createElement(s); js.id = id;js.src = "https://d37oebn0w9ir6a.cloudfront.net... = true;sjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js, sjs);}(document, 'script', 'storychief-jssdk'))

9 Ways to Create an Unlonely Summer

Ever since the pandemic ended, we’ve been trying to figure out how to reconnect with others. In the three years of lockdown, our social skills got a bit rusty.

Sitting around at home is not the way to have an unlonely summer. We have to get out there and make an effort to connect with other people.

Whether you’re a single who wants to expand your social group or a newcomer to the community who wants to meet new people, an unlonely summer is available to you.

Here are 9 different things that you could try that are guaranteed to give you a summer full of satisfying social interactions.

1. Travel with a group

If you book a vacation as part of a group, you will have several days together with other people, sharing activities and meals and hopefully, creating lasting bonds.

2. Take a class

If you attend a summer class over eight or ten weeks, you have a chance to get to know your classmates. You already have one thing in common; now you can find out if you’re compatible in other ways.

3. Join a sports club

Whether you’re playing tennis, golf, or pickleball, playing sports is a great way to get to know other people. Having an activity to focus on takes the pressure off, so you can ease into a friendship.

4. Attend your local community centre

You can take an art class, a yoga class, a dance class, aqua fit, or swimming lessons. These fun activities will help you to connect with the other people in your group.

5. Participate in an outdoor activity

Join a birding group, a hiking group, a running group, or a bike club. These activities provide ample opportunity for good conversation and new friendships.

6. Get involved

Take part in social activism and meet like-minded people. You’ll be working together towards a good cause and build deeper connections as a result.

7. Explore your faith

Attend services at your local church, synagogue, mosque, or temple and become a part of faith-based community.

8. Volunteer

Bring your sweat equity to a local organization and meet the other people who are helping out. Volunteers tend to be pretty nice people and could be a source of new friends.

9. Be a good neighbour

Check in on the people in your neighborhood, especially the elderly and those who have difficulty getting around. Spending time connecting with your neighbours can be deeply gratifying for both them and you.

As you can see, there are many different ways to have an unlonely summer; many of which require no financial output. The season goes by so quickly. What are you waiting for?

—-

Sign up here for my free bi-weekly wellness newsletter that brings you fresh, thought-provoking content.

Subscribe to my YouTube Channel where you’ll learn simple tips for taking the best care of yourself and your loved ones.

Tune in to my Ruthless Compassion Podcast where I go in-depth about topics like mental health, trauma, and loneliness.

Tune in to my Reel Mental Podcast where I host lively discussions with film critics and explore how mental health is portrayed on-screen.

Complete our Audience Listening Survey here.

if(window.strchfSettings === undefined) window.strchfSettings = {};window.strchfSettings.stats = {url: "https://marciasirotamd.storychief.io/... "9 Ways to Create an Unlonely Summer",siteId: "3591",id: "84fb0907-fb13-4676-8158-d29510e9b589"};(function(d, s, id) {var js, sjs = d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0];if (d.getElementById(id)) {window.strchf.update(); return;}js = d.createElement(s); js.id = id;js.src = "https://d37oebn0w9ir6a.cloudfront.net... = true;sjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js, sjs);}(document, 'script', 'storychief-jssdk'))

The Power of Cinema to Advance Our Understanding of Mental Health

Years ago, I saw a film at TIFF that I’ll never forget. It was an Argentinian production, entitled Man Facing Southeast, and it was the first time that I appreciated how sensitively and subtly mental illness could be explored on film.

Illuminating mental health through cinema

The story was simple. A new patient, Rantes, mysteriously shows up at a mental hospital. He’s almost devoid of emotion and he spends hours each day facing in the same direction. He has unusual talents and he’s very kind.

Soon after he arrives, strange things start to happen. The other patients begin to flock toward Rantes, treating him like he’s a messiah figure. He periodically escapes from the asylum and tends to the local poor. A beautiful woman comes to visit him and sings his praises.

Rantes tells the depressed, disillusioned psychiatrist that he’s a hologram, sent to earth from another planet to save the world.

The doctor chooses not to believe him or support him, and Rantes dies of a heart attack when he is medicated against his will and then forced to receive electroshock treatment.

Although the film hints that Rantes might be an alien messiah, it wasn’t clear to me. What was clear was that Rantes needed a lot more compassion and understanding than he received.

The film also suggested that Rantes could have helped the broken psychiatrist if the doctor had just been willing to meet him where he was. They could have saved each other if the psychiatrist had only been more humane.

Cinema and the psyche

I walked away from the film deeply moved and lost in thought. The film did what the best of cinema should do: it made me think, it made me feel, and it brought me into a heretofore unfamiliar world.

It made me wonder about the concepts of psychosis, and got me questioning the way we view people with supposed mental illness. It opened me up to the possibility that perhaps some “mentally ill” people might simply be different; not “sick.” It also showed me that the line between a “doctor” and a “patient” might be fairly thin.

It was after seeing Man Facing Southeast that I understood how powerfully film can contribute to our understanding of the psyche and how effective this medium is in offering nuanced, yet profound depictions of individuals who think and behave differently than some of us.

Cinema shines a light on the mind

Eventually, I became a psychiatrist. During my residency, I volunteered to run the psychoanalytic film forum where local psychoanalysts took turns each month discussing a film that we screened. That was the most fun I had over the four years of my training program.

Since then, I’ve continued to be interested in how films portray mental health. Sometimes, a film will come along that does a fantastic job, expanding our understanding of the subject and enabling us to grow in our compassion. Leaving Las Vegas, another film I saw at TIFF, is one such film. More recently, Turning Red looked at female rage and the way we try to suppress these qualities.

Mental health on and off screen

I’ve been presenting a podcast for several years now about mental health and wellness, and a short while ago, I started a new podcast, Reel Mental, to pick up where my old film forum left off. In each episode, I talk to a film critic about a recent film and we look at how mental health is portrayed and how it contributes to the narrative.

Mental health and mental illness carry so much stigma and are still shrouded in mystery. When movies tell stories that touch on these themes, they can demystify and sometimes help us to open our minds and our hearts.

—-

Sign up here for my free bi-weekly wellness newsletter that brings you fresh, thought-provoking content.

Subscribe to my YouTube Channel where you’ll learn simple tips for taking the best care of yourself and your loved ones.

Tune in to my Ruthless Compassion Podcast where I go in-depth about topics like mental health, trauma, and loneliness.

Tune in to my Reel Mental Podcast where I host lively discussions with film critics and explore how mental health is portrayed on-screen.

Complete our Audience Listening Survey here.

if(window.strchfSettings === undefined) window.strchfSettings = {};window.strchfSettings.stats = {url: "https://marciasirotamd.storychief.io/... "The Power of Cinema to Advance Our Understanding of Mental Health",siteId: "3591",id: "84fb0907-fb13-4676-8158-d29510e9b589"};(function(d, s, id) {var js, sjs = d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0];if (d.getElementById(id)) {window.strchf.update(); return;}js = d.createElement(s); js.id = id;js.src = "https://d37oebn0w9ir6a.cloudfront.net... = true;sjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js, sjs);}(document, 'script', 'storychief-jssdk'))

“Creativity February”: A Call to Cultivate Your Passions

As the new year progresses, many of us are thinking about how to improve our lives, given all the challenges we’ve been facing.

One way to do this is by focusing on our creativity. Whatever form it takes, creativity brings more joy, fulfilment, meaning, and focus to our lives. And it doesn’t have to cost a lot of money.

I’ve been working on a speculative fiction project for the last few years that only costs me my monthly internet fees. I know people who take dance classes, art classes, music lessons, and improv workshops that are of high quality but low cost.

The power of creativity

Creativity is available to anyone and everyone. If you want to explore, to play, to build, there are plenty of resources available, both in-person and online.

We can use our creativity to discover new ideas and consider new ways of doing things. We can use it to solve problems, or to make things.

Whether we focus on the process or the product, we should remember that the experience of creating is valuable, in and of itself.

Creativity is empowering

Being creative is empowering, educational, enjoyable, and eye-opening. We learn about ourselves, build self-esteem and confidence, and through it, we have opportunities to connect on a deeper level with others.

We’re able to bond over shared passions, bring forth objects of beauty, and contribute positively to our communities and the world.

Being creative gives us immediate access to joy and fulfilment. We don’t need to be entertained or amused when we are in touch with our creativity. We can enjoy ourselves, challenge ourselves, and even heal ourselves by pursuing our passions.

Everyone is creative

Too many people have this false belief that they’re “not creative.” This comes from our families or our schools, which often have the wrong approach when it comes to our creativity.

Many kids grow up with their innate creativity repressed or suppressed. It’s up to each of us to dig deep and find it once again.

Creativity isn’t about doing things a certain way. We don’t have to get hung up on perfection or pandering to current trends. We can just express ourselves, authentically and adventurously.

Creativity brings fresh perspectives

Creativity is a tremendous solace in hard times. I’ve turned to it in moments of sadness and stress, and it has always helped me to work through my feelings and emerge stronger and more resilient.

And creativity enables us to think about things in different ways; to be open to new perspectives and new methods.

Art of any type enables people to see themselves and their world in a different way. Art — whether doing it or experiencing it— has the power to change lives and disrupt systems. It’s needed now, more than ever.

We’re all talking about “dry January” and “join a gym January,” but why not talk about "Creativity February?” My wish is for everyone to explore their own creativity, and see what amazing things come from it.

—-

Sign up here for my free bi-weekly wellness newsletter that brings you fresh, thought-provoking content.

Subscribe to my YouTube Channel where you’ll learn simple tips for taking the best care of yourself and your loved ones.

Tune in to my Ruthless Compassion Podcast where I go in-depth about topics like mental health, trauma, and loneliness.

Complete our Audience Listening Survey here.

if(window.strchfSettings === undefined) window.strchfSettings = {};window.strchfSettings.stats = {url: "https://marciasirotamd.storychief.io/... ""Creativity February”: A Call to Cultivate Your Passions",siteId: "3591",id: "84fb0907-fb13-4676-8158-d29510e9b589"};(function(d, s, id) {var js, sjs = d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0];if (d.getElementById(id)) {window.strchf.update(); return;}js = d.createElement(s); js.id = id;js.src = "https://d37oebn0w9ir6a.cloudfront.net... = true;sjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js, sjs);}(document, 'script', 'storychief-jssdk'))

Kenneth Law, merchant of death?

WARNING: This article discusses suicide.

David Parfett’s son Tom was 22 years old when he committed suicide in 2021. Tom had been a student at St. Andrew’s University in the UK. He had been struggling for a number of years with his mental health when he finally chose to end his life.

David was devastated by the loss of his son, but then the situation took a darker turn when he learned that his son had died after having purchased a type of poison online from a website run by Kenneth Law — one of several sites that remain active today.

Law lives in Mississauga, Ontario. He allegedly shipped the poison to Tom Parfett, and to nearly 300 other people in the UK. So far, there are 88 known deaths in the UK from packages that Law allegedly sent. In all, it appears that Law has sent more than 1200 packages of this poison across the globe.

When David Parfett approached the police about what he had learned, they were unwilling to take on the case because the substance being sold was legal, although it should be noted that suicide was never its intended purpose.

Parfett then went to his MP, Teresa May, who tried her best to push the case onto the police, but still, there wasn’t any action.

David Parfett would not be deterred. He found a journalist, James Beale, from the Times of London, who was willing to help. Beale impersonated a customer and had a phone conversation with Law that he recorded. In the conversation, Law apparently went into great detail about what the substance he was selling would do and how to use it.

After that, the police got involved. Law was initially charged in Ontario with counselling and aiding suicide. The charges were recently upgraded here to second degree murder.

Law’s methods were simple. He had posted links to his websites on online forums where people were talking about suicide. Many of the vulnerable people on these forums then clicked on the links and were able to access the poison Law allegedly sold.

Murderous motivations

Why did Law do it? I can think of at least four reasons:

1: He has a strong conviction about a person’s right to die, if and when they choose. Apparently, his mother had been ill and he felt that she would have benefited from medical assistance in dying. I’m less likely to believe this reason, however, because there’s a big difference between a terminally ill elderly person and a depressed but treatable 22-year-old.

2: He needed money and in the absence of a conscience or a moral compass, there was no deterrent to his actions. This reason seems more plausible. He lost his cooking job during COVID. He figured out a way to make easy money and he pursued it without any thought to the harm he was causing.

According to an interview on the CBC, Law was not well-liked in his job at a hotel kitchen. He was seen as difficult, unpleasant and unresponsive to feedback. Even without the pandemic, he might have struggled to hold down a proper job.

3: He’s a new type of serial killer. He identified a convenient source of potential victims and exploited these individuals to achieve his own murderous goals. He allegedly facilitated the deaths of dozens, if not hundreds, of people who suffered with their mental health. And he did it under the guise of running a business.

4: He’s a cowardly monster. He wanted to cause harm to others but he didn’t have the guts to do it directly. Instead, he was allegedly providing people with the means to hurt themselves and then took satisfaction in the damage done without ever having to lay a hand on his victims. It can be seen as murder done vicariously.

Of course, there could be any number of other reasons for his actions. We may never know the truth.

To Be or Not to Be?

Some people have suicidal thoughts at one or more points in their lives. Fortunately, many of them don’t have the means to hurt themselves when these thoughts are strongest. As a result, they remain alive and they have a chance to find help and get better.

Although the evidence shows that the first year after a suicide attempt is the highest-risk period for repeating the act, there is also anecdotal evidence that many people who survive a suicide attempt are grateful to have failed and happy to still be alive.

Many suicide survivors who I spoke to told me that they regretted their actions as they were in the midst of their suicidal act. Many told me that they had called 911 right after taking an overdose, because they realized that they although they were distraught, they didn’t actually want to die.

Some people told me that they were glad they had no means of committing suicide when they had the impulse to do it because the feeling eventually passed and it never came back. They shuddered to think of what would have happened if they had had the means to act on their impulse at that moment.

The statistics show that more suicide attempts fail than succeed. In an article by Suominen et al. (2004) from the American Journal of Psychiatry, the authors wrote that, “It is often estimated that about 10–15% of people who attempt suicide eventually die by suicide.” The impulsive nature of suicide means that often, the individual hasn’t planned out their act and therefore, it’s unsuccessful.

But, if they are provided with a highly effective means of ending their lives, such as the poison allegedly sold by Kenneth Law, these same people could have a successful attempt. Then, their loved ones – like David Parfett – would be bereft and they wouldn’t have a chance to look back and be relieved to still be alive.

Lethality of method is key

An article in the New York Times noted a recent study about suicide attempts. It quoted the Mayo clinic psychiatrist who led the study, Dr. J. Michael Bostwick, who said that most suicide attempts are “impulsive acts, and it’s critical to prevent access to tools that make impulsive acts more deadly.”

The study mentioned that “the odds of successfully committing suicide are 140 times greater when a gun is used than for any other method.” By allegedly selling the poison, it was as if Law had placed a gun in each one of his victim’s hands and explained to them how to use it..

The system is broken

Many suicidal people broadcast their intentions well in advance. Tom Parfett certainly did. I’m not sure how easily people can access mental health assistance in the UK but it’s not easy at all, here in Canada. People can wait one or two years to speak to a psychiatrist or to see a psychotherapist. Millions don’t even have a GP who could help them with counselling or medication while they await contact with a mental health professional. For that reason, the friends and family members of a person in crisis might be the only ones available to support them during their time of need.

Here in Canada, the government has just instituted a new 9-8-8 phone number for mental health and suicide prevention support. Will it be effective? I guess time will tell.

How can loved ones help?

In the meantime, there are things that we can do. First and foremost, we must never minimize another person’s experience or dismiss their feelings. We must listen without judgment and acknowledge what they’re going through. We have to take their suicidal statements seriously.

While we are waiting for the person to access mental health care, we need to determine if the person is having suicidal thoughts alone or if they have a plan which they intend to act on.

If they have a plan and serious intentions to act on this plan, they need to be seen in the local emergency department immediately and be assessed by a psychiatrist. They might require admission to psychiatry for their own safety. If they have serious thoughts but no plan or intention, they most likely don’t need a hospital visit, but they do need kindness and support.

Perhaps we could consider removing any potentially dangerous items from their home. Like taking out any weapons, ropes, sharp objects, and locking away the medications.

Also, we can find out if there is a particular issue that is making them feel acutely suicidal and see if we can help to resolve the problem for them. This could potentially alleviate their suicidal thoughts.

Maybe they shouldn’t be left alone for a while. Maybe they can temporarily stay with a friend or a family member. They might benefit from starting some medication or counselling from their family doctor while awaiting an appointment with a mental health professional.

A warning about starting medication

One thing to be aware of is that sometimes, the first symptoms the antidepressant treats are low energy and low motivation. The person can still be depressed but soon after starting the medication, they might suddenly have enough energy to act on their lingering suicidal thoughts.

The period shortly after starting an antidepressant medication can be the most high-risk, then, and the person struggling with their mental health might need close monitoring until we see how they respond to the treatment.

Other things that we can do: We can tell them that they are loved and would be sorely missed if they were no longer around. We can assure them that we would definitely not be better off without them. Sadly, people with suicidal thoughts often believe the opposite of these things and it’s up to us to convince them otherwise.

I remember being in medical school and learning that it’s really hard to predict when a person might attempt suicide. Over the years since I’ve been in practice, I’ve seen that some people broadcast their intentions and others keep it a secret from everyone. Sometimes it’s tragic but unsurprising that someone has attempted suicide, and sometimes it’s a huge shock.

There’s not much we can do when someone is keeping their suicidal thoughts secret from everyone. But, if someone we love has attempted and failed, or if they’re making concerning statements, we have the opportunity to step up and show them love and care. We can’t take responsibility for rescuing them but we can be present and compassionate with them. And we can make sure that our legal system prevents people like Kenneth Law from preying on the vulnerable.

People like Kenneth Law make things more complicated and deadly when it comes to suicidal ideation. Hopefully, his story can alert the public and the politicians to the need for more and better mental health services right now.

—-

Sign up here for my free bi-weekly wellness newsletter that brings you fresh, thought-provoking content.

Subscribe to my YouTube Channel where you’ll learn simple tips for taking the best care of yourself and your loved ones.

Tune in to my Ruthless Compassion Podcast where I go in-depth about topics like mental health, trauma, and loneliness.

Complete our Audience Listening Survey here.

if(window.strchfSettings === undefined) window.strchfSettings = {};window.strchfSettings.stats = {url: "https://marciasirotamd.storychief.io/... "Kenneth Law, merchant of death?",siteId: "3591",id: "84fb0907-fb13-4676-8158-d29510e9b589"};(function(d, s, id) {var js, sjs = d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0];if (d.getElementById(id)) {window.strchf.update(); return;}js = d.createElement(s); js.id = id;js.src = "https://d37oebn0w9ir6a.cloudfront.net... = true;sjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js, sjs);}(document, 'script', 'storychief-jssdk'))

Ruthless Compassion: The Power to Be Kind but Not a Pushover

The world is in a bad place these days. It’s clear that we all need to be kinder to each other. We really need more empathy [the understanding and emotional appreciation of another person’s experience] and more compassion [a caring response to another’s distress]. It’s also clear that many people aren’t so sure what these things are or how to put them into practice.

How to be an asshole

We’re all aware of what it means to be a selfish, insensitive jerk. We see so many representations of this in the media. From the sociopaths in politics doing their best to wreck our democracy; to the liars and cheats running big companies and destroying the environment in the process; to the scammers inundating our devices; to the constant stream of predators we see on trial for sexual misconduct; to the hypocrites in positions of trust who are abusing their authority by exploiting the innocent; all of these individuals are modelling the worst of human behaviour.

These people mistakenly believe that being an asshole is how to get what they want. Sadly, with hearts so completely closed to the needs and feelings of others, they can never have meaningful connections. They can never have real intimacy. For these reasons, it’s impossible for them to ever be happy. They feel continually empty and mistakenly pursue more of the same, convinced that their failure to find satisfaction is due to not having been sufficiently selfish and insensitive.

How to be a doormat

We’re equally aware of the model of the nice person in the media. This is someone who bends over backwards, tolerates mistreatment, and is a chronic people-pleaser. It’s the person who won’t stand up for themselves; who never speaks out or challenges anyone. These people put up with a lot of hurtful behaviour and get nothing out of it.

What we don’t see in our media is the representation of a truly kind person – one who practices empathy and compassion but who is no pushover.

The truly kind person has equal amounts of self-love and love for others. They’re thoughtful and caring but they don’t put up with nonsense.

How to practice Ruthless Compassion

I developed my concept of Ruthless Compassion several years ago to inspire people to be kind but not nice.

The “ruthless” part of this idea refers to the determination to see the truth about yourself, others, and the world. It’s an unwillingness to accept mistreatment or to enable someone else’s bad behaviour.

To practice Ruthless Compassion is to have self-love, as opposed to self-indulgence. It’s not giving yourself a free pass to do whatever you want but rather, it’s taking responsibility for your actions without beating yourself up for your mistakes. It’s accountability without self-abuse.

Ruthless Compassion means accepting yourself with all your flaws while always trying to be a better version of yourself. It means facing your mistakes and learning from them. It’s forgiving yourself for messing up, while doing your best not to repeat the same mistakes.

You don’t have to be a wimp to be kind

It also means having an open heart and an open mind; being tolerant of others and feeling deeply for them, but having strong boundaries and limits. It means saying “no” when you need to. It’s facing the hard truths about the people in your life and giving them the appropriate consequences when necessary.

It means not enabling people in their bad behaviour, whether it’s towards themselves, towards others, or towards you. It means knowing when it’s right to confront someone and when it’s appropriate to just walk away.

Practicing Ruthless Compassion means not wasting your breath on people who are rigid, unreasonable, or disrespectful. It means not trying to negotiate with someone who has no interest in listening to you and no intention of changing their opinion or their behaviour.

To practice Ruthless Compassion is to be truly kind. The people who are close to you will be inspired by your way of being and might want to emulate it. Some folks around you might be angry, though, that they can’t get away with behaving badly toward you.

Sometimes, people who are unkind will mistake a truly kind person for a pushover. They’ll see our openness, thoughtfulness, courtesy and sensitivity as signs of weakness. They see our softness as a defect and often, they’re surprised to see that under all our gentleness, we have a backbone, and we won’t be strong-armed, coerced, or bullied.

You don’t have to be tough to be strong

I find that it’s not necessary to present as a “tough guy” in order to live as a strong but loving person. Practicing Ruthless Compassion means trusting yourself to stand up for yourself when you need to. It means being soft and gentle when that’s called for and fierce, feisty, and even ferocious when appropriate.

Being tough makes it impossible to be attuned to the needs and feelings of others. It also makes it difficult to be in touch with your own needs and feelings. Ruthless Compassion enables you to be soft and strong at the same time.

You can be vulnerable, flexible and responsive when you trust yourself to take the best possible care of yourself. You don’t need to be rigid, defensive, or guarded when you’re confident in your ability to be there for yourself.

Nice people care too much about what others think. They need the approval of others to boost their self esteem. They twist themselves into knots trying to make sure that others like them. They do too much for everyone else and often feel exhausted or even resentful for all that their efforts.

Unfortunately, they never feel loved because they’re not being sincere. They’re putting on a pleasing performance and the people around them don’t know who they really are, deep down. It’s sad, because they’re working so hard for approval and they’re not getting their needs met.

Ruthless Compassion can transform the world

Kind people are deeply caring but they aren’t attached to what other people think about them. They’re free to be authentic because they don’t feel the need to ingratiate themselves with anyone. As opposed to the nice people-pleasers, kind people are genuine, so they’re seen for who they are. When someone likes them, they can really appreciate it, because they know it’s real.

I would love for more people to practice Ruthless Compassion. The world would be a much better place if more of us could be truly kind.

When we’re kind, everyone around us can benefit. And because we’re taking care of ourselves, we don’t give more than we can. We don’t deplete ourselves when we’re being kind. We conserve our energy so that we can keep on loving each other.

No-one has to be a selfish jerk in order to get their needs met. No- one has to be a doormat in order to be liked. We can try a radical new approach to interacting with others by being kind but not nice. Why not try Ruthless Compassion today? It’s a win-win.

—-

Sign up here for my free bi-weekly wellness newsletter that brings you fresh, thought-provoking content.

Subscribe to my YouTube Channel where you’ll learn simple tips for taking the best care of yourself and your loved ones.

Tune in to my Ruthless Compassion Podcast where I go in-depth about topics like mental health, trauma, and loneliness.

Complete our Audience Listening Survey here.

if(window.strchfSettings === undefined) window.strchfSettings = {};window.strchfSettings.stats = {url: "https://marciasirotamd.storychief.io/... "Ruthless Compassion: The Power to Be Kind but Not a Pushover",siteId: "3591",id: "84fb0907-fb13-4676-8158-d29510e9b589"};(function(d, s, id) {var js, sjs = d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0];if (d.getElementById(id)) {window.strchf.update(); return;}js = d.createElement(s); js.id = id;js.src = "https://d37oebn0w9ir6a.cloudfront.net... = true;sjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js, sjs);}(document, 'script', 'storychief-jssdk'))

Sasha Velour Challenges the Lies About Drag Queens, Trans People, and Grooming

I was listening to the drag artist Sasha Velour being interviewed on the CBC radio show Q the other day, and I was struck by her reaction to one of the host, Tom Power’s questions. He had asked her about how these days, certain groups are accusing LGBTQIA+ individuals of “grooming” young people.

To clarify, “grooming” is a manipulative act of befriending a young person (or their caregiver) in order to eventually sexually exploit them. It is a classic technique used by pedophiles. It is not, however, something typically done by gay or transgender people.

To paraphrase Sasha’s response, she said, “this world is full of people who prey upon others and often, they’re deeply protected by our institutions.” She added that her community “is all about consent and encouraging everyone to be exactly who they are,” which is the opposite of what they’re being accused of.

We ignore the true predators and obsess over the illusory danger of the Drag Queen and LGBTQIA+ community

The same week that Sasha was interviewed, the local news was constantly reporting on the trial of former fashion designer Peter Nygard, who has been accused of using his position of power to perpetrate a decades-long pattern of sexually assaulting young women.

I’m assuming that if this is true, then the people around Mr. Nygard knew what was happening but said and did nothing about it. Which would be typical of the way sexual assault is handled by those associated with the perpetrators. Some of these individuals are too afraid to speak out; some simply don’t care, and some are happy to collude with the behaviour.

It’s fascinating that so many people are near-hysterical about the so-called risks of our youth being anywhere near a drag queen or a trans person, when our society has a long and shameful history of tolerating and often enabling the vast numbers of sexual predators in our midst.

Speaking of Q, Jian Ghomeshi, the former host of the show went on trial for allegedly engaging in a long pattern of sexual assault toward young women and frustratingly, he was acquitted. I believe that this was a miscarriage of justice, but sadly, that’s the norm as opposed to the exception in cases of sexual assault.

It’s exceedingly difficult to bring a case of sexual abuse to trial, near-impossible to get a conviction, and in the rare exception where it does happen, the sentence is usually absurdly short – almost always less than that of a someone convicted of destruction of property due to arson.

Bill Cosby, Harvey Weinstein, Kevin Spacey, Bill Clinton, Donald Trump, and Louis CK are all men in positions of power who got away with inappropriate (and sometimes criminal) behaviour for years. Some have never come to justice.

Powerful institutions have a reputation for enabling rampant sexual predation

Look at the scandals with the Catholic Church and with the Boy Scouts. These organizations are alleged to have ignored and enabled rampant sexual predation upon young people over many decades.

The church has a well-known policy of transferring a problematic priest to a different location – essentially allowing the perpetrator to continue their behaviour elsewhere.

Look at college campuses today. Rape culture is so prevalent that it’s almost remarkable if a young person makes it through their undergraduate education without having been sexually assaulted at least once.

And if a young college man is brought to trial for having raped a woman, or for having been part of a gang rape (which is far more common than university officials ever admit), his defense counsel will emphasize how leniency must be shown in order not to “ruin this promising young person’s career.” The destruction of their victim’s self-esteem, physical well-being, inner peace, career, and yes, entire life, is not at all considered.

Sexual predators are protected by our institutions

Sasha Velour is correct when she says that sexual predators are protected by our institutions. Decades and decades go by, and the abusers carry on without any obstacles.

Sports is a huge arena for child abuse. Over the last few years we have discovered how coaches and trainers have been molesting their young athletes for decades, and how sports organizations have been consistently turning a blind eye to this horror, because it’s not “convenient” for them to deal with what’s going on. We see it in gymnastics, in swimming, in skating; in both amateur and professional team sports.

People at the highest levels of sports are refusing to acknowledge or act upon the harm being caused to their young athletes. These leaders know what is happening but they’d rather shelter the high-profile perpetrators than protect the innocent victims.

How long was Harvey Weinstein engaging in his horrific predatory behaviour, including destroying the careers of the young women who refused his advances, before the MeToo movement put an end to his reign of terror? How many people around him knew exactly what he was doing and said nothing? He might have been the worst but he was only one among dozens of similar predators.

Schools are a regular site for child sexual abuse. From elementary school through to college and graduate school, teachers and professors have been preying upon young people forever.

If you want to talk about grooming, just consider how often a supposedly hip, sympathetic teacher takes a “special interest” in a vulnerable young person, and manipulates them into believing that they are in a consensual sexual relationship when in fact, this is something that the young person is not capable of understanding or agreeing to.

And by the way, these teachers and professors are employed in their positions for decades, which means that they are likely to be repeating the behaviour year after year, with successive classes of students. One perpetrator can have dozens, if not hundreds of victims, over the course of their entire career.

Many workplaces deny the sexual misbehaviour that’s happening in plain sight

Sexual harassment and assault is woven into the fabric of every workplace. Women and LGBTQIA+ individuals are constantly being harassed and abused by (usually) men in positions of power.

Their livelihoods (i.e., their survival, and their ability to care for their children) are constantly being threatened. The perpetrators could have the victims of this harassment fired or demoted for refusing their advances or for speaking up about what’s happening.

Often, when someone does speak out about sexual harassment or abuse in the workplace, it’s the victim who gets moved to a different department or demoted or told to seek alternative employment. Often they are strongly encouraged to take a payoff and sign a non-disclosure agreement. What doesn’t usually happen is justice for the victim.

Scapegoating LGBTQIA+ people while allowing the real predators to continue their abuse

The fact is that LGBTQIA+ people are not assaulting people. They are not grooming children. They are not a community of perverts and pedophiles. In fact, gay, lesbian, bisexual and other sexual minority people in Canada were almost three times more likely than heterosexual Canadians to report that they had been physically or sexually assaulted in the previous 12 months in 2018.

If you want to find perverts and pedophiles, you have no further to look than at our most powerful and well-regarded institutions, the same institutions that are often persecuting the LGBTQIA+ and Drag community.

The hypocrisy is appalling. Sexual abuse is embedded in the fabric of our society and there is so little incentive to actually address the issue. It’s easier to scapegoat the Queer community than to root out the problem.

Even post-MeToo, many of the organizations that promised systemic change have either done nothing to begin with or have reverted back to ignoring and enabling the sexual abuse that’s happening within their walls. Powerful men protect other powerful men. That’s just the way things are.

Collective guilt being projected onto the entire LGBTQIA+ community

It’s obvious that the fear-mongering around the LGBTQIA+ community has nothing to do with any legitimate concerns about the potential victims of “grooming” or sexual assault. It’s simply a way to demonize an entire community and to deflect attention from where the real abuses are being perpetrated.

Scapegoating LGBTQIA+ people for the problem of sexual violence in our society only serves to vilify an entire community and it heaps additional harm onto those who have already been marginalized, hounded, harassed, and deprived of many of their human rights.

It also side-steps the issue of who, in fact, is doing all the grooming and abusing, and thereby perpetuates this age-old problem.

How nice for the individuals and institutions who accuse LGBTQIA+ people of predatory behaviour. They get to label an entire community as “perverts” when they’re merely projecting their own guilt and culpability onto others.

The concept of “projection” can be explained like this: it’s when a guilty person or group denies responsibility for their actions and blames others for their own, unacknowledged, bad behaviour.

The real sexual predators are not wearing false eyelashes and fake boobs

The perverts and pedophiles that we hear some people shouting about aren’t wearing wigs and false eyelashes and fake boobs. They’re not hanging out at gay bars and drag brunches. They’re wearing clerical collars and Scout leader uniforms; sports jerseys and bespoke three-piece suits. They’re running fashion empires and governments; they’re heading up film companies and major corporations.

The rapists we’re shouting about are populating our college campuses, our workplaces, our communities. They’re not drag queens or trans people. They look and act like “regular” guys. They’re our teachers, our coaches, our classmates, our politicians, our bosses, and our priests.

The more we allow this deflection of collective guilt to continue, the more we end up punishing the innocent and abandoning the victims.

If we truly care about grooming of young people and sexual abuse in general, we need to turn our attention away from the fake news and toward the real perpetrators and enablers – to the institutions that ignore, tolerate, and perpetuate this abuse. Only then will real change be possible.

—

Sign up here for my free bi-weekly wellness newsletter that brings you fresh, thought-provoking content.

Subscribe to my YouTube Channel where you’ll learn simple tips for taking the best care of yourself and your loved ones.

Tune in to my Ruthless Compassion Podcast where I go in-depth about topics like mental health, trauma, and loneliness.

Complete our Audience Listening Survey here.

if(window.strchfSettings === undefined) window.strchfSettings = {};window.strchfSettings.stats = {url: "https://marciasirotamd.storychief.io/... "Sasha Velour Challenges the Lies About Drag Queens, Trans People, and Grooming",siteId: "3591",id: "84fb0907-fb13-4676-8158-d29510e9b589"};(function(d, s, id) {var js, sjs = d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0];if (d.getElementById(id)) {window.strchf.update(); return;}js = d.createElement(s); js.id = id;js.src = "https://d37oebn0w9ir6a.cloudfront.net... = true;sjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js, sjs);}(document, 'script', 'storychief-jssdk'))

Matthew Perry Remembered: His Massive Talent, Huge Heart, and Terrible Demons

Mathew Perry was 54 when he died. It happened only a few days ago and at the time of writing this article, it’s not clear exactly what happened.

We know that he drowned in a hot tub or a Jacuzzi after coming home from a two-hour game of pickleball. What we don’t know is if it was a stroke, a cardiac arrest, or some other acute medical issue that led to the drowning.

Matthew Perry was, by all accounts, an incredibly kind, thoughtful, and caring person. He was highly intelligent and extremely talented. He was also someone who had struggled for many years with substance abuse.

Medication for pain became his “substance of choice”

He had been to rehab numerous times over the years seeking treatment for his issues with alcohol and drugs. He had significant problems with opioid addiction – an enormously difficult substance to quit.

His problems began after he was given Vicodin (acetaminophen and hydrocodone) after a jet ski accident in 1997.

He attended rehab that year but after he developed pancreatitis in 2000, he was given Dilaudid (hydromorphone) and that became his “new favourite drug,” as he recalled in his 2022 memoir, Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing.

He had serious health problems over the years and he came close to death several times but still, he managed to survive. Finally, he attained sobriety in 2021. He wrote a best-selling memoir. His life was getting back on track. And then, suddenly, he was gone.

Why did he turn to addiction?

It’s impossible to know what makes one person become addicted to opioids after being given the medication for pain when another person can just walk away when the prescription runs out.

It’s impossible to know why one addict is eventually able to achieve sobriety and another one fails. Addiction is a complex condition with so many moving parts.

There is the underlying personality structure; the childhood environment; the presence – if any – of early-life trauma; the stressors of adult life; the individual’s coping mechanisms, and the presence – or lack of – professional and social support. All of these factors play a role in an addict’s recovery.

I have no idea why Matthew Perry was susceptible to substance abuse. The stress of being a celebrity is enormous and many people in the public eye end up with this problem. But why him and not his co-stars? We’ll never know.

I’m sad that he spent so many years struggling with addiction and ill health. I wish that he’d had more time to just enjoy his life. I’m so sorry that he had to die alone.

A good person to the end

It’s especially sad because he was such a good person. He opened up his Malibu home in 2015 as a sober living facility. For the past several years, he let everyone around him know that he was there to help if they wanted to get sober.

He said that when he dies, he wants to be remembered for helping people stop drinking, more than he wants to be remembered for his appearance on Friends. He showed up for everyone else but he was unable, ultimately, to save himself.

Opioid addiction is a huge problem these days. Young people are being given doses of Dilaudid at parties, not having a clue about what they’re getting into. Fentanyl, a highly addictive opioid, is being mixed with all sorts of other drugs, and people don’t even realize when they’re taking it. The death rate from overdose is climbing year by year. It’s a true public health crisis – one that Matthew Perry tried his best to mitigate.

It’s tragic that this smart, talented, and generous person spent so much of his precious life fighting his demons. It’s even more tragic that when he had finally slayed them, his beaten-up body ended up giving out.

I wish his friends and family only good things from now on. I hope that some day, they find peace. I can’t imagine what they’re going through, right now.

If nothing else, I hope we can learn from Matthew about how no amount of wealth, fame, intelligence or good looks can compensate for the suffering created by alcohol and drug addiction.

I hope that we use his passing as a reminder of how short life is and how much we need to take care of ourselves and each-other.

Rest in peace, Matthew. This truly is the one in which our hearts are broken.

—-

Sign up here for my free bi-weekly wellness newsletter that brings you fresh, thought-provoking content.

Subscribe to my YouTube Channel where you’ll learn simple tips for taking the best care of yourself and your loved ones.

Tune in to my Ruthless Compassion Podcast where I go in-depth about topics like mental health, trauma, and loneliness.

Complete our Audience Listening Survey for a chance to win one of three cash prizes

if(window.strchfSettings === undefined) window.strchfSettings = {};window.strchfSettings.stats = {url: "https://marciasirotamd.storychief.io/... "Matthew Perry Remembered: His Massive Talent, Huge Heart, and Terrible Demons",siteId: "3591",id: "84fb0907-fb13-4676-8158-d29510e9b589"};(function(d, s, id) {var js, sjs = d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0];if (d.getElementById(id)) {window.strchf.update(); return;}js = d.createElement(s); js.id = id;js.src = "https://d37oebn0w9ir6a.cloudfront.net... = true;sjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js, sjs);}(document, 'script', 'storychief-jssdk'))

The Many Dangers of Pop Psychology

There’s an old expression, “a little knowledge is a dangerous thing.” It means that a partial or inadequate understanding of a concept can create a lot of problems. That is especially true when it comes to psychology.

Pop psychology is a mixed blessing. On the one hand, it brings an awareness of psychological issues into the mainstream. On the other hand, it often presents these concepts in an incomplete or distorted manner.

The most important message of the major medical and psychological associations is to “do no harm.” When pop psychology offers misrepresentations of the workings of the human psyche there is the potential for real harm.

Pop psychology has hidden dangers

Laypeople (often, influencers) obtain their information about psychology from a variety of sources, many of which are neither reputable nor accurate. They form opinions based on their own personal experience or that of a friend. They think they know what they’re talking about but more often than not, they don’t.

It’s unfortunate that on social media, we often see untrained, unskilled influencers offering advice about our mental health and relationships. These individuals are in no position to provide this type of content and if unsuspecting individuals take their erroneous suggestions seriously, they could end up making huge mistakes.

Pop psychology can have dangerous, real-world consequences

Sometimes, these pop-psychology-spouting content creators talk about childhood trauma and encourage us to confront our abuser(s). They say that this will empower and liberate us but they have no idea of how dangerous this could be. They have no idea what harm (psychological or physical) these abusers are still capable of, today.

Sometimes, those who spout pop psychology will tell us to forgive our abusers, because this will supposedly enable us to heal. They have no idea what the abusers have done and whether or not their actions were even forgivable. They have no clue how trying to force ourselves to forgive them will affect us. In fact, it very well could do us more harm than good.

Sometimes, influencers encourage us to identify as “survivors” of alcoholic parents, childhood abuse, or institutional harm. While it’s a good thing to recognize any adverse events in our past, it’s also important to process these hurts or losses with the help of trained, skilled professionals. Influencers are not in a position to know what we need for our healing . The ultimate result of this kind of advice could be to keep us stuck in our suffering.

Sometimes, these unqualified advice-givers will tell their followers to give their hurtful romantic partner another chance, telling us that we shouldn’t “give up on love.” They have no idea how destructive these relationships might be. They have no context for their advice, which could result in our staying with someone who is totally wrong for us.

Pop psychology bandies about pseudo-diagnoses

Another problem is that sometimes, influencers will reveal to their followers that they have a particular mental health diagnosis – which may or may not be true, depending on how they ended up with the diagnosis. They will throw out a few vague “symptoms” and encourage others to ask themselves if they might be suffering from the same condition.

Some of their followers will then self-diagnose, wanting a quick and easy explanation for their own life challenges.

This is highly irresponsible behaviour on the part of the influencer, as the ability to diagnose a mental health condition requires years of training and experience. Misdiagnosing a mental health condition can cause a lot of harm, possibly leading someone to seek treatment for a condition that they don’t have, while giving them a label that they can carry – incorrectly – for years.

It’s even more irresponsible when these same unqualified influencers “diagnose” other people in their online posts. These influencers are violating the boundaries of the person on the receiving end of this labeling and that’s not the full extent of the harm done to them.

These “diagnosed” individuals can have serious personal and/or occupational repercussions for having received this label, even when it was proffered by someone completely unqualified to give it.

Pop psychology misuses concepts like 'triggered,’ ‘victimhood,' and 'gaslighting’

Another way that people misuse pop psychology is that when they identify themselves as “victims” of trauma, they then demand to be treated with greater care than the average person. Whether or not they’ve had traumatic experiences, they use pop psychology to advance their over-entitlement to special treatment.

At times, we can see them bullying those around them into scared silence because they claim to be “triggered” by every little thing. In fact, they are using their “victimhood” as a way of oppressing others and gaining unfair advantages. These individuals are easily offended by the slightest thing but then they make it everyone else’s problem. Instead of recognizing that they are thin-skinned and reactive, they blame others as “triggering.”

As a practitioner of trauma-centered therapy for more than 25 years, I can attest that this aggressive victim-consciousness is not a positive state, either for an individual or for those around them. It’s certainly not a goal of psychotherapy, which aims to help people move through and beyond their wounds and into a state of confident, compassionate empowerment.

Another problem with pop psychology is when people accuse others of “gaslighting” them when in fact, all these other people are doing is offering their own opinion on something. The accuser is in fact, bullying anyone who disagrees with them into silence by shaming them for supposed “abuse.”

Another offence committed in the name of pop psychology is when influencers make blanket statements about forms of treatment, saying that one is good and another is bad. These individuals aren’t qualified to offer an opinion on any type of mental health treatment, and their ill-advised remarks could prevent others from receiving the care they need. It could also encourage people to seek unproven and potentially harmful pseudo-cures.

Pop psychology is superficial, simplistic, and potentially dangerous

Psychology is a deep exploration of the workings of the brain and the mind. It wants us to understand ourselves and each-other better in order to have happier, more fulfilling lives. Experts in the field base their opinions on years of training and experience as well as a strong grounding in rigorous scientific research.

Pop psychology is based on personal opinions devoid of training, clinical experience, or research. It’s a way of reducing complex concepts into simplistic and often erroneous tropes. It disempowers us and often encourages bad choices. It is an excellent example of how “a little knowledge” in the wrong hands can be a very dangerous thing.

—

Sign up here for my free bi-weekly wellness newsletter that brings you fresh, thought-provoking content.

Subscribe to my YouTube Channel where you’ll learn simple tips for taking the best care of yourself and your loved ones.

Tune in to my Ruthless Compassion Podcast where I go in-depth about topics like mental health, trauma, and loneliness.

Complete our Audience Listening Survey for a chance to win one of three cash prizes

if(window.strchfSettings === undefined) window.strchfSettings = {};window.strchfSettings.stats = {url: "https://marciasirotamd.storychief.io/... "The Many Dangers of Pop Psychology",siteId: "3591",id: "84fb0907-fb13-4676-8158-d29510e9b589"};(function(d, s, id) {var js, sjs = d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0];if (d.getElementById(id)) {window.strchf.update(); return;}js = d.createElement(s); js.id = id;js.src = "https://d37oebn0w9ir6a.cloudfront.net... = true;sjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js, sjs);}(document, 'script', 'storychief-jssdk'))

Minds on Fire: The Mental Health Impact of Our Climate Crisis

This has been an unprecedented season of wildfires in Canada. This isn’t my first blog on the topic and sadly, it won’t be my last. As I write this one, great swaths of the North West Territories and British Columbia are being evacuated due to out-of-control fires.

People are losing their homes, their animals, and their livelihoods. Even for those with homes to return to, the pain is barely mitigated as they look to their neighbours and friends who’ve lost everything.

The emotional afterburn of a wildfire

So many emotions are stirred up by these experiences. There’s the anxiety over what might happen next; the depression over what’s been lost; the fear for their loved ones; the survivor’s guilt over having been spared the worst.

There’s confusion over how to move ahead; regret over choices that were or weren’t made, and anger about the whole situation.

Trauma persists long after the flames have died down

Make no mistake, these are traumatic events in people’s lives and the suffering continues long after the flames have died down. People develop nightmares, panic attacks, lethargy, social withdrawal, and even addictions, as symptoms of their grief and stress.

Stress makes us less resilient to further challenges and more susceptible to illness, both mental and physical. It adversely affects our relationships and it impairs our cognitive abilities.

Vicarious trauma can burn like fire

Even if we haven’t been affected personally, just hearing about what’s been happening in our country can be deeply distressing to caring individuals in other parts of the country and the world. We call this vicarious trauma.

On the radio, we’re hearing that these devastating climate events are going to be our new normal, as the effects of global warming are being demonstrated more and more rapidly in every corner of the globe.

It seems like the world is on fire

On the island of Maui, the town of Lahaina went up in flames in mid-August – something unheard of for a community more used to tsunamis than to wildfires.

There have been huge fires in Greece, Turkey, Portugal, Spain and Slovenia, to name just a few. This, after a record-breaking heatwave that scorched most of Europe as well as other parts of the world.

In California and Mexico, they have experienced massive flooding as unprecedented tropical storms approach the Gulf Coast.

Here in Canada, like in Hawaii, places are burning that have no history of such fires, including parts of Quebec, Nova Scotia and Ontario. Families are being displaced, farmland is disappearing, and communities are being destroyed.

It shocked me profoundly that while Alberta was experiencing terrible wildfires, the province elected a government that is pro-fossil fuel. I wondered whether the citizens of that province might have had their priorities somewhat skewed.

It’s easy to bury our heads in the sand

Life has been incredibly difficult lately, what with the pandemic, inflation, and now these ongoing environmental crises. It’s easy to bury our heads in the sand at times like this but what we need to do is face the truth about what is happening and step up, so that we can minimize any future suffering.

If we don’t want to keep being traumatized by repeated climate disasters, we have to take action immediately against global warming.

We have to elect and support the leaders who are focused on addressing global warming. We have to lobby our current lawmakers to reduce greenhouse emissions and protect our green spaces.

Photographer: Markus Spiske | Source: UnsplashIts time to act to begin reversing the effects of climate change

The effects of trauma are deep and long-lasting. We can risk being further traumatized by environmental catastrophes or we can act now to begin reversing the effects of climate change. We could reorder our priorities and start creating a country – and a world – in which these threats aren’t continually hanging over our heads.

This will be beneficial for the planet and for our mental well being.

______

Sign up here for my free bi-weekly wellness newsletter that brings you fresh, thought-provoking content.

Subscribe to my YouTube Channel where you’ll learn simple tips for taking the best care of yourself and your loved ones.

Tune in to my Ruthless Compassion Podcast where I go in-depth about topics like mental health, trauma, and loneliness.

if(window.strchfSettings === undefined) window.strchfSettings = {};window.strchfSettings.stats = {url: "https://marciasirotamd.storychief.io/... "Minds on Fire: The Mental Health Impact of Our Climate Crisis",siteId: "3591",id: "84fb0907-fb13-4676-8158-d29510e9b589"};(function(d, s, id) {var js, sjs = d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0];if (d.getElementById(id)) {window.strchf.update(); return;}js = d.createElement(s); js.id = id;js.src = "https://d37oebn0w9ir6a.cloudfront.net... = true;sjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js, sjs);}(document, 'script', 'storychief-jssdk'))