Jude Stringfellow's Blog, page 86
December 10, 2021
Just Having Too Much Fun
I know I get on a kick and keep harping about it, but it's new and it's exciting, so yeah, I'm gonna go on and on about it. No one has to actually read my blog if they don't want to. I mean, I do, I read what I write to remind myself that I could have used another comma here or there, or I could have used a different set of words. Often times I think to myself that I should have another window open with the thesaurus pulled up so I can actually use another word for the word I over use. LOL...that's telling. Do you do that? OK, so it's just me, got it. I'm not gonna blame the English teacher living inside of me, I'm going to blame the one I am thinking of at the moment I wrote "gonna" and laugh - - because I can.
So, I'm moving out of the apartment after six plus years, and I'm thinking I can probably take most of the stuff I brought to the apartment with me. I pulled out the handy-dandy notebook on a hard flat clipboard to make my list of all the things I'm bringing with me. My things. Things I bought and paid for. Things I think I have to have and can't possibly let Laura keep. Little did I know she was standing right there with me giving me suggestions and basically saying I had too much crap and she didn't want it in HER apartment anymore. Really? Because I'm not taking a single thing that isn't mine, except maybe the dog lead she bought but in fairness she did buy it for Ginger! I'm taking Ginger! Ginger is MINE! I say that with the biggest smile on my face. Ginger has no idea what we're planning and as soon as we move she'll be scratching the door to get to Laura's after maybe, I don't know, an hour.
I'm taking the bookshelves damn it! I paid great money for them. She laughed at me and said, "I really hope you take these bookshelves, they're really out of date and not my style." She went on to show me the ones she's picked out to buy the second I pull those two out of the apartment! I'm taking the smaller appliances too because I'm the cook. She's got Door-Dash on speed dial. This is funny though, I was going through the kitchen to find all the things I want to take, and I opened the silverware (or flatware) drawer. I looked and saw quite a few various forks, spoons, butter knives, etc., and I said, "Hey, why do we have so many different types of flatware anyway?" It's like we just sort of never really stuck with one style, we had a few from when I was first married, then a few from when we lived here or there. Now we have all sizes, types, brands, and shapes of forks that if I had to pull them all out and match them up I couldn't come up with a set of anything. She looked at me and said "You take the thick ones, I like the thin ones." That was so weird. I was thinking to myself I wanted the thick ones but I didn't want to upset her or make her think I was leaving the bad ones for her. She went on to say that she digs through them all to find the thinner style flatware....what? Thirty-two years you live with someone and you never know things about them -- crazy.
We have really nice art on the walls and we divided those just as easily. She hated the ones I loved. I didn't really like the ones she thought were best, and it just went that way all through the apartment. Could it be generational? Could it be she's NOT my clone? Or, maybe she is my clone, but she's opposite of myself, and that's why we get along so well to be able to ignore each other nearly every day and night, but never letting the other know that we're ignoring them. We smile and wave a lot.
We both keep our respective doors closed so that we don't have to hear each other. I listen to Celtic music rather loudly without headphones because if I have my headphones on I can't hear her screaming at me to answer my phone that's been ringing non-stop. She stays on her computer all day and night either talking on the phone to clients and customers or with her international friends on one of the many games they play into the night. There's a lot of screaming from time to time, and I routinely get up and open and shut her door a few times to say "You know, you're really kind of loud!" She does the same thing to me - - so I guess we're not gonna miss that! Ginger may miss that. I think Ginger secretly likes the drama. Caity has already called a couple of times to say she will believe it when she sees it, because she thinks we can't handle being apart from each other for more than a day.
I am leaving her the nasty cat-clawed, chewed up couch and chair that I once believed were really chic and couldn't stop staring at them. That was a few years before a few animals. She'll have them professionally cleaned again and buy covers for them. I'll buy new and forbid her to bring any animals over to visit Ginger. I'll take Ginger to her place. I may make the woman take off her shoes when she comes into my apartment since she goes to the barn most days. I'm leaving her the vacuum and the steam cleaner - - she'll use them more often and I want to start new, not even bringing old dust to my new home. She can keep her dust. I am taking my saddle and stand. If nothing else it will be a great decoration. When Baeleigh (cat) was alive she loved sitting on the saddle. It was her place to hide, sort of like a "base" where the other cats knew she was off limits. If Bae Bae were with us I'd take her. She's not like the others. I don't think she ever clawed anything other than her cardboard scratch posts, the ones she was supposed to destroy. Maybe it's a boy-cat thing.
Anyway, I went through the apartment making a list of what I was bringing, and another list of what I would need. I went to Home Depot online, I went to Pinterest. I went to Wayfair, and I went to Target online as well. I found all the things I need to make my happy little home my happy little home. I am going to be so decked out when I get it - - at least in my head until I can actually afford to buy all the things I wrote down on my two lists. My lists have lists. Do you do that too? Is that just me? My plans have plans. I plan to plan. There is the pre-plan for the pre-plan in most cases and I get around to executing most of my plans most of the time. I think the fun part is the mental exercises. I draw the floor plans and pencil in where I'll put the furniture I haven't bought. I even label things like "lamp" or "flower pot", I'm not kidding. I'm anal, but she's the one with OCD, so just for fun I left my clipboard in the middle of the kitchen floor and walked away. LOL...is that mean?
I will absolutely miss that kid - - but I can't let her know that.
The Benefits of Living Alone
There have been only a few times in my life when I have actually lived on my own without having someone in the next room to either pester or be pestered by, and it looks like I'm about to come up to the next time! (I'm giggling with glee because I thought I had this taken care of over 6 years ago.) Years back I was living on my own here in Oklahoma, but Laura, my daughter who was up in Indiana, just HAD to have me move back up with her so she could make ends meet. Well, instead of getting our own place, we were sort of forced to finish her lease with her then boyfriend, and after that was up she decided to move back to Oklahoma and live with her dad for a minute until she could get her own place. This left me with a choice between living with the ex-boyfriend or my son (also in Indiana) and without a job that paid enough for me to move back to Oklahoma immediately, I moved in with my son.
Soon after that I found a good paying job in Oklahoma, worked a month in Indiana to get the funds to make the move and there I was....free!! Free to live in my own place! YEA!! So I did that, right? I had a little two bedroom house on a really cozy cute street. It was close to everything and it was affordable, adorable, and just mine. It was mine for less than a month before the kid (my 2nd) decided that her dad wasn't the best choice, and yeah, she wanted to move back in with her mom. I am a mom. I am a good mom. Scratch that, I am a DAMN good mom. I let her move in with me and I really thought I was looking at a year tops, but nope. It's been over six years now. Kinda glad to see this chapter of our lives move forward, just too many pages to flip to get to the next phase!
We currently live in a really nice apartment complex that I have lived in over five separate times in my life and she's lived in a few times as well with me. She and her sister had their first independent apartment here as well, and there aren't enough sentences to describe how horribly awful/awesome that was. It was a living and creatively strange way of life for the both of them. Let's just say I won't be able to put into print all the things that happened just 100 feet from my back door. The clean up when they were asked to leave cost me a little over $2000.00. Did I mention I was a DAMN good mom? Since Caity was then living with me, and Laura had an offer to move in with her cousin 100 miles away, I decided to move to Texas into another two bedroom house on another really cool street because I was working on a feature film about my dog, and needed to move -- being with a kid wasn't a problem until it was a real problem. Laura came back. I think I may be a kid magnet, but I'm not sure.
THIS IS IT! I have made up my mind, and Laura has even given her approval. I'll be moving out in about two months to an apartment in the same complex and probably only 50-100 feet away from my little one (who is now 32 years old). We went over the various good and great reasons why this would be the best decision for both of us. I'll let her keep the two bedroom unit and I'll take the one bedroom unit because this way I can say NO to anyone who asks to move in with me - - not that I would say no, but I can at least have a valid argument if I chose to. My kids are OLD now. They are really really old, and two of them are married, they have their own houses, they are all three working. They are suitable, sustainable, responsible adults...let's see if we can keep it that way! Leave MOM ALONE!!
Here are some of the benefits on both sides of the coin dealing with being on my own. I'll start with what Laura gets out of the deal.
I can listen to my music loudly, and by loudly I mean loudly. I won't have to put up with her coming into my room and using hand gestures to silence me.I can eat my food without it being gone because now when I buy food I can only hope it's there when I go for it.I can come into an apartment and smell the latest incense I had burning earlier or on the warming plate and not ode de cat litter.I won't be stumbling over cat boxes, litter boxes, tack boxes, dog bowls, pet beds that seem to find their way in the middle of the hall, and sometimes I have strange new animals in my bed expecting me to share my comforters with them. I always share my comforters with them. I'm not about to turn a sweet fuzzy face down, there's no way. I will have 3 large closets to store my things, and nothing will be out of place now. NOTHING.I can have a full dining area room sized area to exercise in and not have to retract when I stretch or push the couch back to have more room. I'll have more room.I'll buy new furniture that won't be torn up by dogs and cats.I can dance in the living room, kitchen, dining room, my room, the bathroom, outside. I can dance and not embarrass my kid. I can burn SANDALWOOD (and cedar, teakwood, and patchouli) again!!My place, my entire place, will be clean and free of tiny cat litter pellets that get in my socks and bug the crap out of me all day.I'll have a patio with a fence and my dog can be outside when she wants to be.I can open the windows and the curtains to let in light.I can do my laundry and know that my socks will be in my drawer and not carried off under the couch.I can smoke my little cigar.I don't have to look at that Texas Longhorn sweatshirt I bought for a friend and ended up giving it to Laura so it wouldn't be thrown out. Honestly, there's just so many things to be thankful for. I'm so very happy I have my daughter so close, and we can go out to dinner, we can go to the store together, we can hang out, go to the lake, but you know what, at the end of the day (unless there is a tornado) we will be sleeping in our own places and waving good night to each other through the window while we're talking to each other on the phone. The cord stretches across the breezeway apparently, but at least it's longer than it is right now. Many people told me they would feel so sad for Laura if I decided to move. She is the one who was hoping I would make the suggestion. I could have done this a year ago! She's not only ready for me to leave, she's agreed to help me pack my bags, boxes, and stuff and carry it over to the new place! What a doll. This is going to be good for the both of us. If she really got lonely she could pull her curtains open and watch me dance.
When I was thinking and planning on moving to Scotland she wasn't thrilled because she wouldn't have someone to hang with, shop with, go to the barn with, and all that, but now she's OK with me being out from under her feet, and she's more than OK with not having to eat everything I force on her to eat. I cook and I don't like cooking for one so I cook for two and guilt her into eating it when I don't want to save it for the next day. It's a mom thing. I'm good at it. Say a few prayers for us! We'll be OK, but at least we'll be independent and happy enough to do our own thing again -- I hope it lasts a long time for both of us. Woot!
December 8, 2021
Mental Balance - Responsibility and Recovery
Let me start off by saying I am not a medical doctor. My Ph.D. is in Administration. Throughout my educational journey, which if you know anything about the process, I was privileged to have taken and passed many hours or credit hours in subjects dealing with human nature. Depression and anxiety were covered in at least 18 hours of my tracts, and though I didn't choose to go into counseling, I do have a good mind and heart full of compassion for those who are suffering these mental illnesses. I can't say I have always been so compassionate or even caring, because that wasn't the case. For many years (and I do mean years) I was the one standing on the sidelines when I found or saw someone who just couldn't pull their own weight, or get it together, and I was complaining openly and to them personally, to pull up their bootstraps and make it happen! Wow, what a jerk! No lies. That was me. I was that person!
I've always been a tough nut really. Not much has been able to strip me of my bravado or my I-Can-Do-This attitude. I've been a warrior for myself since I was a kid, and because I have always made my own way I just assumed everyone else was able and willing, even capable of doing the same thing for themselves. It wasn't until more recently, maybe in the past two years or so, that I have realized that my ineptness to show empathy was even a problem. I have had friends (really good friends) tell me that all through the years of them knowing me they could always count on me bringing them out of their funk, or I'd have the tough-love approach they needed to get back on track. I suppose I counted that as a blessing and thought I had all the answers. I wasn't depressed. I wasn't anxious, and I didn't want them, my good friends, to be suffering, so I tried what I thought was the best approach. I wasn't very nice.
About two years ago I ran across a man who suffered both depression and anxiety. He is a musician and an artist so I immediately had that really rude and under the breath bias in my mind thinking something like, "of course he's depressed, he doesn't have a real job and thinks he can make it as a musician. It's a good thing he's married. At least she can pay the bills." I listened to all of his music videos. I bought his LPs. I saw that he was in a band actually, not only a solo artist, and I listened to the band's work as well. I was really impressed with his ability to sing, and he seemed absolutely genuine in his love for Christ as well as for his stand on trying to help those with alcohol, drug, and other addictions which can lead to mental illness. I had another thought of, "It takes one to know one, and maybe he can do more good there than I can. He' understands what they're going through, so he can be more open to their excuses when they say they can't work because they're just not ready to go into work and face the people." I had this mindset for about another year while I continued to watch him and listen to his podcasts about mental health awareness.
Over the course of time I realized I had been unfair to people with anxiety. I mean, no, I didn't have it, so I didn't understand it, but that didn't mean I needed to toss it to the wind and claim anyone with anxiety is just too weak to matter. I looked back over my own path and realized that I had Jesus with me, and I was supported by friends and some family, I didn't have the best family support. I wouldn't have and couldn't have leaned on a one of them really, but at least I had people praying for me. This guy really didn't have that. Even his own wife wasn't really praying for him. She was really too busy working, and making the ends meet. She really did pay the bills, and he stayed home to watch the kids and keep the house. There's no reason to think roles can't be reversed. I'm not that stone-hearted.
I enrolled in college in 1997, I was almost 36 years old. I divorced the same semester in November, and I was suddenly a single parent with 15 hours of college to handle as well as a full time job. I needed to move out of my three bedroom house into a one bedroom apartment with the kids, it had a little den that we called a 2nd bedroom. For years I worked 40 hours a week, studied, went to class, wrote essays, did research, mothered the kids, drove them to school, made arrangements for them to be kept after school, cooked, cleaned, did laundry, shopped, set and made appointments, and no, I didn't have a single penny in child support. I didn't have time to be depressed. I didn't have the luxury of being anxious, and there was NO WAY IN HELL I was going to play the victim card. I was a mother and I had a job to do! Getting my education was part of that process, and there I was in 2001, graduating with a Bachelors degree in Liberal Arts Pre Law, hoping to go on to Law School and be the best provider possible. That didn't happen.
My divorce court judge went beyond the scope of her job and authority, and she told me I could have the kids or go to Law School but not both. She said she knew the challenges. Not that I had just successfully worked a full time job, graduated with Honors and raised the kids on a shoestring budget; but hey, OK, I'll take the kids! If there was a time for depression and anxiety this was it. I had to make decisions about my life, not worry about what comes next or if I can handle it. I don't have to handle it. I have Jesus. I know that sounds incredibly trite to some who don't have Jesus, but if you do have Jesus you understand completely. I know the end has already been met, so I don't have to worry about it. That was and is still, my attitude about depression and anxiety, it's just that I don't bark at people now, and I don't throw those facts in their face with fervor. I try to lure and coax.
Getting a Ph.D. (though 90 hours) was a bit easier actually, the Masters is only 36 hours, not 124 like the Bachelors. I was able to do most if not all of the main courses at night, and my oldest was old enough by that time to watch the two younger kids. The Ph.D. was 100% online and both degrees were met on time and with higher grades than I expected. Again, I had to maintain a full time job, which by that time was teaching, and I owned an insurance company LLC and sold insurance online to make the bills! This is about the time my son brought home a disabled two-legged dog and I decided to leave my full time job and care for the dog, selling insurance was the only option at that time. For more about Faith, you can Google her; Faith the Two-Legged Dog. It's a thing, but not part of this blog really. I'm only including it to say that I had a lot on my plate and didn't even dream of thinking about it. I just put it in gear and made things happen.
Mental illness didn't hit me. Meanness hit me, rudeness hit me, but mental illness stayed away for the most part. I began noticing that my friends weren't as apt to come by, and my long time acquaintances weren't calling or sending cards at Christmas. Was it me? Could it be me? What did I do to piss them off to the point that they don't want to communicate? Another few (many) years went by before I realized how deep my harshness really was. It was 2019 when I woke up and found out that I needed to be a LOT more open to the way people feel and the way they handle or don't handle situations. I began really listening to the singer and his story. I began praying for him and following his recovery through his podcasts and interviews. He was really making a difference in the lives of so many and so many people really appreciated his help and understanding. I loved that. I wanted to be a better tool for Jesus and decided I would be.
Today, that very man, that singer, is taking a leave of absence from performing and even posting because he needs time for himself and his own health. He's suffering and he's in a great deal of mental anguish over what all is happening, what has happened, and in his mind, he can't seem to figure out what will happen, but he knows that he needs to take a few steps back and let Jesus have not only the reins, but the entire carriage. This is the type of balance I believe is meant for everyone. We have eyes on the inside too, and we need to open them to realize that we can't always be who everyone else thinks we should be. We need to be who we are, and try our best to better that person. We can't be strong for others if we're not first confident and strong for ourselves. We can get there with Jesus. It's next to impossible, no matter what anyone else says, to do it without Jesus. No, you don't have to be RELIGIOUS to have Christ. In fact, religion is often the problem! Be open, be honest, be willing, and ask Jesus to help you. He will.
We all have our own lives to live. I can't expect another person to do what I expect myself to do. I can't expect myself to do what I know is impossible. We need to know our limits. That goes without saying when we talk about addictions, but in recovery, we have to set limits too. Being responsible is just as important as being aware. Taking full responsibility for our own actions, good and bad, is the very least (and first thing) we can do. I choose to pray and I choose to let God help me. I know there are many many paths to take - - the journey is never smooth. Take a friend, and be kind to yourself and others. We really don't know what lies behind the eyes of a wounded soul. Even if their face is smiling.
Photo Credit: Vertigodetective.com 
Photo Credit: Atort Photography
December 7, 2021
A New Place
Today was a great day for study, and a great day for reflections. As many of you know, I have lived in the same apartment complex for over 100 years and I've lived in about 5 different units over the course of time. I leave, I come back, I stay, I leave again, I over think it, and I move back. This pattern began when I was just out of high school and I've basically been living the life of a homing pigeon with this same complex for over the long haul. Well, today I decided to move out of my two-bedroom (basically two-bath) house with my daughter, and I'm going to get my own place - - again. I laugh when I say that, and the landlord laughed right along with me. Leaving Laura? What the hell? She's 32 years old, how will she ever survive without her mom? You can't see me laughing, but I'm on the floor.
About six years ago Laura called me from her roost in Tulsa saying she believed I needed a roommate. I couldn't possibly be happy living on my own, and she knew the perfect roommate for me. Though I argued with her, telling her I was fine, there was no reason to split rent, share space, or put up with her endless menagerie of animals, she moved in anyway. I think she may have waited for me to go to the store before employing her older brother to do the dirty work. I know that since that day I've put up with geese being hatched in my bathroom more often than I care to recall. I have to say MY bathroom, because it's the one without the tub and when I INSISTED that the goose eggs be wrapped in towels and placed in a box with the proper lighting, I also insisted that they not be in the bathroom with the tub! I have priorities.
Laura has rescued horses and tied them to the trees downstairs. She has rescued dogs and we sleep with most of them until she can find them homes. We rarely rescue cats, we just pick them up and let them know they'll be fed and cared for until they decide to leave. You don't force a cat to stay if it wants to leave. We have seen ducks, birds of all species, and even a baby goat come through the place, but no more friends. No more cycle of Laura's Resident Farmhouse for me. I'm taking my one dog, Ginger, and I'm heading all the way across the breezeway from my 2nd child. I have to tell the truth, I am glad I won't be on the other side of the complex. I plan on using her kitchen and dining room to pour the soaps and candles. She doesn't need the dining room and she is rarely in her kitchen. She's more of a pop-it-in-the-microwave type; you know those people. I'm the chef who has no one to cook for. She's a minimalist when it comes to food. (Pop Tart for dinner? Sure.)
I took a tour of the new place today. I'm not sure when it will be ready, I may wait another month or so in order to give the maintenance guys time to really do it right. Usually when someone moves out they replace all the carpet, appliances, blinds, paint, you name it. This time around if I wait a minute they can go one better and get me new countertops and shelves in my kitchen that I don't have in the current unit. I won't get my requested washer and dryer, that's asking too much, but I'll buy my own. I won't get the new door bell I requested either. The manager took the door bells out about 2 years ago and I now have to listen for Ginger to sound off to let me know Amazon is downstairs backing up their big truck! Ginger has saved me from countless delivery drivers, postal people, the occasional visitor to another tenant, and the dog from the apartment below us. That Chihuahua could be the death of any of us, but with Ginger around, I am alerted the first time a butterfly lands on the bush outside the window! Such a great dog.
I walked the new place today though, and it was wonderful. I live in a complex that from time to time I can come home and see the maintenance men/man sitting on my couch testing out my television and internet connection to be sure they still work while they hide from the manager. They also test my milk, bread, cheese, cereal, toaster, or cookies I may have out waiting for Laura. (Yes, I'm that mom even if she is 32 years old.) The maintenance men are like family - - hell, they've been here longer than we have been, and we were born here I think. It was so long ago I don't remember. I know the other tenants, I know their families, I know their lifestyles, their secrets, their habits, and they know mine. So many of my old timer neighbors were plotting against me when I was planning to move to Scotland. They were concocting ways to trap me and hide me under the stairs in the little boiler room thing. No one wanted me to leave. I make them brownies, soaps, candles, and any cookies Laura doesn't eat goes out to anyone who happens to be walking by the window. If I see them, I call out, they come by, and they get a cookie - - we have such a tight group and we like it that way.
The new place has one big bedroom that is 15 feet by 13 feet. The living room is 15 by 21 feet. The kitchen is around 15 x 12 and the the dining is around the same. The bathroom is big enough to dance around in really, and I have 3 clothes closets, two in my room and one in the hall. There is another closet when you first come into the apartment and a long thin pantry closet in the dining room. Out on the patio, which is fenced and has a "yard" or garden of about 30 feet by 30 feet, I have another storage closet, another walk in, and it is about 6 feet by 4 feet I guess. It's a good size. We don't have garages or covered parking, but our neighbors watch out for each other, we don't let anyone who doesn't live here or know someone who lives here come into the parking lot for soliciting. We have block parties that go on for hours in the summertime, with cook outs, swimming, and those stupid silly games that I suck at! Laura's good at them, she's got the wrists for it (being a roper). I suck at all things competitive really.
I LOVE and I do mean LOVE the new place. Though I've been in and out of this type of unit a million times I wanted to measure and take photos and get things ready in my mind for it. It may be February before I take possession since I'm going to probably wait for the new countertops. I will hit up Home Depot soon to pretend shop. I love that. I buy a 1000 things in my head and then end up going on Pintrest to be sure it's Jeannie-Approved. (My bestie) Can't wait, can't wait. I'll be able to listen to my music as long and as loudly as I want to. I won't have to figure out how to change the TV from the X-Box back to normal. I'll be able to kick box and dance since it's on the ground level. I'll be able to let Ginger out to bark at all the passersby and they can't wait to be able to feed her treats and come in the back door for coffee in the mornings. We do have a great set of neighbors....but after 100 years one would think that I should know a few of them pretty well, right?
I'm OK not moving to Scotland. This is home, and these are my people.
Ginger 
Laura with the Unicorn she rescued.
Comparison: Apples to Apples
Yesterday I wrote a blog post where I literally gave reasons from my personal experience and my personal opinion as to why I would not be moving to Scotland, but staying here in Oklahoma City. I called it a comparison because that is exactly what it was. I was comparing what I have now to what I would have had. I wasn't saying Edinburgh was this or that, or that Oklahoma City was better because this or that. I was saying I live here in Oklahoma City, and this is what I pay, this is where I live, the type of housing, etc. Literally, because I called it a house once and an apartment once, I was called out for being a liar. What? Well, there you go, still another reason not to move to Scotland. Not if the people who I would be engaging with most of the time can't expand their brain cells to include two words meaning the same thing. I say "pants" for trousers too. They call underwear "pants" so does that mean I'm a LIAR if I say I am wearing new pants today, but they can't see them because I was talking about my trousers? It went downhill fast.
Here is basically what I tried to say, and it was not accepted. It was not only not accepted, it was never challenged. They just called me names, told me I was wrong, and accused me of lying and being an idiot. I was the only sober one I think. That's another reason not to make a permanent move to Scotland. The size of the country is 1/2 the size of my own average to small state, and they have twice as many folks, many of which are on disability for being too drunk to work; I'm sorry, but it's true. I know we have the same thing here, so why would I go from a place that has less people in a much larger area who have issues to a place that has so many more people in a much smaller area with more addictions? I want to help not add to the problem. If I was there I would be a volunteer at a homeless shelter, but according to their visa rules and laws I can't even do that more than a few hours a week, and I'm not allowed to work at all for the entire time I'm on the visit visa. I would have to have a work visa and that means I would have to have a job offer, and that means I would have to be hired but I can't be hired because employers there can't hired me if I am not a citizen! It's just a mess.
I live in an apartment (I will call it a house from time to time, get over it) that is upstairs and on the 2nd floor in America. They call that the 1st floor, as the ground level is the ground floor. So when I said I went up a flight of stairs but lived on the 2nd floor I was called out for that too! I tried to say why, but I was called an idiot. I was literally put down for having a different word for the same thing. We don't say drink-driving here, we say drunk-driving. I was corrected. I call this time of year Fall, but I was corrected, it's Autumn only. I was corrected constantly, and as a professor of English looking at their atrocious spelling and misuse of words, I had enough of it and I left the group. NO ONE can tell me I had another experience than what I had. It was in fact MY EXPERIENCE!
Apples to apples. What may appear to be a green apple vs. a red apple, may be evident, but it is nevertheless apples to apples. In Oklahoma I pay $680 a month for a 2 bed 2 bath apartment that is upstairs and in the city about 5 miles from the downtown hub. I pay no water, garbage, or sewage. I have electric heating and I pay for my own electricity, about $125 USD a month. My cable is connected with the internet and a landline phone for $125 USD. I pay about $40 in insurance each month, but I do have a car and pay a payment of $330 as well as $100 for insurance and maybe $50-60 for gasoline. I pay about $7 to go to a burger joint to eat, and about $13 to go to a restaurant. I pay $350 for pasture board on my horse, my horse that only cost me $125 USD by the way, and the U.S. Government literally paid me $1000 to keep! (www.blm.gov/whb but watch them all think BLM stands for something else and say we can't use those initials.) He's an American Mustang. I live in a conservative state, one that still votes for pro-life, and we are basically divided 70-30 against taking the vaccine, not that we are anti-vax, no, we just don't like this one. This is the RED apple.
The GREEN apple is Edinburgh, Scotland. I did my homework. I took an AVERAGE not a specific detail for housing, cost(s) of living, parking, transport, etc. I priced nearby boarding facilities and I considered their Christian values and politics to see if I would be happy living there. An apartment about the same distance from downtown would be about $1000 a month, all bills would be paid through a council tax of about $200-340 depending on what BAND your house/apartment was considered. I was told to only go with BAND D so that's about $300-340 for bills except for your internet, cable, phone, and insurance. Internet was $80 which included the cable, no phone line, but you can buy your cell service for around $40 and more if you want unlimited. The other costs were the transport costs. I would not have a car, so a monthly rail pass was $230 and a pass to ride the bus was $75. So far it's not that big of a deal really, except I would have to give up going to the store when I wanted to, and I would possibly have to walk in weather to get to a bus stop, and then stand at it, wait on a bus, ride to the store, get what I want, and not be able to get much. Boarding was out of the question! A horse facility with 80 acres will not be found near Edinburgh. There were private stables but I was told the price was $800 a month for pasture and I had to provide the feed. The religious views are about the same as mine if I attended a church, but the average person considered themselves to not be religious or spiritual, most would in fact embrace pagan ideals. Not a fan. (Pretty! But not Biblical)
The healthcare there has our healthcare beat by a 1000x, but I couldn't use it. I would have to have a private insurance contract, and I would not be allowed to even go to a hospital without it. They accept you sure, they don't turn you away, but they insist on you being vaccinated and even to get into the country you have to be vaccinated and that just doesn't set well with my American beliefs or my personal beliefs about the vaccine. Sorry, but I know too many folks who have been diagnosed with the C19 after being given the vax and even after being boosted. So, it doesn't work, why are they forcing it on us? Why can't we make our own minds up about it? They want to "Save the people" but are OK with abortion? Aren't babies people? It would just not be a good fit. They like to say they dogged a bullet by me not going - - so I went ahead and corrected that to "dodged" and called it fair.
Apples to apples and yes, I do love apples. I both love Scotland and pray for her. I want the country to be the best it could ever dream of being. I want people to visit it, I want them to have a great time. I want there to be peace, love, harmony, and good times for every single person there and here, but to be called out to explaining myself just felt like I was talking to a room full of teenagers with angst and piss wanting to be one-up, better, bigger, badder, braver, whatever. It was all "look at me" and showing off how big their ass really was online. I know we have those idiots here too, but it just reiterated in my mind that I can just Google map my way through the Highlands and I can visit anywhere and anyplace I want online. I don't have to spend $$$$ going to a place where my idea of it would be ruined the second I was asked to prove what I just said to a person who lives in a place where I am a GUEST. No thank you. The BIGGEST comparison I can show you is this; if any one of those online morons would come to Oklahoma and want to be shown what we have to offer I would not have treated them the way they treated me, and that includes anyone who has a different opinion, religious view, outlook, world view, or political view. I am not going to spit on someone for being different and think it's OK to brag about the spitting.
That being said, I have many friends (about 70) who are from Scotland who I believe would never treat another soul the way I was treated on the Facebook ancestor sites by native Scots. The people I know and have grown to love over the years are caring, kind, giving, and then again, they are born again Christians, every last one of them. THAT must be the difference, right there. You can't expect an unbeliever to act like a believer. You can't, and to do so is futile. I learned that the hard way. I left the group, and I deleted the blog. I decided to rewrite it in a different way. I should include links so the less than intelligent who like to call people liars can go and read for themselves. I should, but I don't have to. I can (because they can't) get into my car and drive to Braum's Ice Cream store and get a sundae. They may have ice cream, but they do not, and will not ever have Braum's. That's only for those of us lucky enough to live in this part of the big wonderful U.S.A. Oh, and my best friend wouldn't be there, and she wanted me to bring that fact up as well. She said to mention that we have actual football here too - - that's a point I'll give to Edinburgh, as American football is much more fun I think, but it should not be called "football".
OK, well, there you go. There is ONE more thing that I would have to give up if I moved to Scotland and that would be my firearms. I don't mind not taking my firearms to the UK. I get that, I do. I really do understand their reasoning, but a person can't even have a stun gun, a good knife for protection, or a can of mace. Seriously, a officer will take your three-inch blade from you if it is locked. It can be three inches if it is not locked. That's all you can have, and you can't have that knife out ready to protect yourself, you have to have it in your pocket until you need it. Oh, but the bad guy can have one right? Well, there you go, another reason to love the place from afar and just be the happy little Okie that I am. Boomer Sooner.
Photo Credit: Healthfeed.org
December 5, 2021
Pouring My Life into My Work (Candle Making)
So I decided to get onto Etsy and make a living, right? I didn't want to do just anything because I have a passion for certain things, but not other things. I'm not looking to make a complete living at this stage, but rather supplementing my income, and putting money to the side to rebuild the business too. I'm doing soap making and candle making, and selling my books of course. I'll have a day job as well soon, but for right now I'm pouring my life into my work literally. I've been working with soy wax only but in the future I'll experiment with other wax bases and even blend them together. I'll read, watch videos, learn, and blog. I fully intend on keeping you abreast of what it is that I'm doing. I can't always force my best friends to listen to me rant or go on and on about every little thing, but here you are listening!! Thank you!! I love you. You'll never realize how much I appreciate you watching and reading, sharing, caring, praying. Thank you. You're the best.
To make a candle you start out with very basic supplies and by basic I mean really, it's not rocket science. Here is a list of the things you'll need -- or better, here is a list of the things I'm using right now. In the future I'll change a few things. I'll tell you all about that too. Keep it simple. Keep it cheap. Keep it fun. I'm assuming you'll want color and scent for your candles so I'm adding them to the things you need, but you really don't need them if you're just making candles for surviving or dinner or something where scent and color is not a big thing. The color of the wax you buy is the color of the candle you'll make unless you add colorant.
To calculate how much wax to use for a candle you take the amount of liquid you need to pour to make the number of candles you need (i.e. 5 candles at 8 ounces = 60 ounces) and you divide that by the number 20. That tells you how many POUNDS you need to make the candles. In this scenario, 60 divided by 20 = 3 so you need 3 pounds. THIS IS NOT A METRIC MEASURE.
LIST OF THINGS YOU MAY NEED: (This is not a large batch maker)
quart size pan to boil the waterpour pot - stainless steel, mine is about 32 ounces stainless steel spoon that goes to the bottom of the potthermometer - I use the one with the steel tip (digital but you can use any type)Soy wax flakes (remember to do the calculation as to how much you need)Container - metal or glass preferredDrinking straw (cut it down to about 6")Wick holder -- clothes pin, stick with hole, paper with X cut out, metal plate with holesWick (I use the premade with wax that you buy online)Scent (I use 100% essential fragrance oil that says for candle making on the bottle)Colorant (not necessary, but makes it pretty. I use prepared chips I buy online)Superglue or same type product Wick holder (I use small popsicle sticks with a bored hole, again, you can buy them online, or you can use clothes pins. I've seen people cut out circles with stiff paper and add an X in the center. you just need something to hold the wick in the air straight up while its being poured and hardening. This is important. The wick is sooooo important.OK, and yes, paper towels are always needed. I tend to buy any and every thing I find at the stores that are on sale and in big bulk. I make a lot of messes. Why not have fun, right? Besides, my house smells so great now from all the loose wax and soap I've poured all over the cabinets and kitchen floor.DIRECTIONS TO MAKING CANDLES.
Set up your candle container first. Use a dot of Superglue in the center of the container (no paint at the bottom of the container). Stick the wick into a straw to have a better grip and you literally stick it to the Superglue spot. The wick MUST BE FLAT. You hold it for a second or two, and you lift the straw. Let that sit before you move it.Pour water into the pot, enough to cover half of your melting pot. Bring to a near boil.Add enough wax to your melting pot using the calculation from above. I use flakes. Set the melting pot into the boiling water. BE CAREFUL NOT TO BURN YOURSELF. Use a hand mitt to pull the melting pot out of the boiling water. Don't be like me and grab the handle with your bare hand. Heat and stir the wax until it is completely melted. It should be around 140-150 degrees or so.Add the scent (about 1 tablespoon for each pound of liquid)Add the color (check your color product instructions. Mine are premeasured for 1 pound of liquid.)STIR and STIR ( I also reduce the heat and often times I take the pot out of the water)Sometimes I even set the melting pot in the pan with cold water to bring the temperature down to around 130 before I pour it into the container.At around 130 degrees I pour the candle wax into the container. I pour it slowly and watch the wick to be sure it's not going to come out.Do not OVER pour. You want to be sure your stick or metal holder doesn't get wax on the bottom and mess up your pretty candle. Pour in just enough, but not to the top of your container.THIS IS IMPORTANT...leave the damn thing alone. Don't mess with it until it is hardened.You're done. Except now you have to clean everything. This is where the paper towels come in to play. If you used all of your wax, like you should, you only need to wipe out the steel pot. Don't pour extra wax down the drain. DAWN liquid soap helps to degrease the drain if you do, but you may consider using an anti-clogging agent once a month if you're going to do this for a hobby. If you live in an apartment the landlord may not even want you to make candles. Just a hint. (draw your curtains) LOL
When the candle is hardened (around 2 hours) you can cut the wick to size and tell your friends how awesome you are. Take photos, post them, and just say to yourself "Self, you're never buying another store bought candle EVER!" You can literally make a candle that is about 8-10 ounces for around 80 or 90 cents. Why would you pay $26.00? I mean sure, you have to buy a bunch of stuff to get to the point that making one candle may only cost you 80 cents, but it's fun, and you can make the extra money yourself and not have to deal with a scent you really don't like all that much. YOU get to decide what the scent is, and you can mix them, match them, have fun trying them all out. Your friends and family will think you are the best ever - - we can dream, right? Have fun.
Photo Credit: MeLick Me All Over? Really?
OK, yeah, that's a bit...forward, don't you think? Candle making and soap making suppliers have come up with some really fun and innovative ways to sell their wholesale supplies to us wee craftsmen. We thumb through catalogs (who am I kidding, we don't thumb, we scroll in 2021), looking for the best deals on buying more than just a couple of fluid ounces of any one scent. It's amazing the costs involved in just getting the business side of this craft off the ground. Each scent goes from around $2.00 a bottle for 1/2 an ounce to over $100 for 16 ounces in some cases; and yeah, it does go up from there when you're talking gallons and five-gallon buckets of essential fragrance oils for pouring into soaps and/or candles. I'm sticking with the 4 oz, 8 oz, and 16 oz sized bottled for now, and yeah, I will admit it; I bought "Lick Me All Over" just to see what it smelled like. I'm not saying I love it, but I don't hate it - - the marketing is KEY in this one. I added vanilla to mine and I'll rename it something more appropriate -- at least the people I sell my wares to won't be red-faced and blushing when they gift their new candles and soaps to their bosses and not-so-intimate friends.
Lick Me All Over isn't patented, I don't think. I mean, I didn't see a little registration R on the bottle. It has a fruity sort of soft smell to it, not really sexy, not really delicious, more of a smooth aroma that maybe puts you in the mood for a bit of romantic foreplay and maybe it's just there to remind you of how pretty you feel. I don't know. If it had a flavor I think it would have cotton candy, pineapple and maybe honey in the mix. I'm going to refrain from using it alone in the future so I don't have to tell someone what the scent is and have to watch their eyes pop out either because they're excited I made the suggestion, or because they're married and think I'm being overly forward by admitting my lustful desires through a veiled attempt at calling a scent what it really is named. I'll just restrain myself from gifting it to anyone I would feel a bit giddy around, and we'll call it done. Yeah, that would be a bit embarrassing as well as awkward, wouldn't it? "So, yeah, I really love the new candle you gave me, what's the scent?" (and then I blush and hide my face in my hands before I say it.) Yeah..not gonna do it. I'll add something to it maybe call it "Happy" or "There You Go!" (OK, I just patented those two!) LOL
One of the reasons I am getting into the crafts business, both soap making and candle making, is that it is profitable, and you can pour yourself into your work. LOL...did you see what I did there? Yeah, that's me, I'm punny, I know. I can fix things, have fun, redo them, repurpose. I can put in my own hours, my own time, I'm the boss, and I don't have to sell them if I don't want to. I can sell them all if I want to. I can charge what I think is fair. I can have an Etsy and be really really cool. I am not going to full rely on my wares for my living. Having ambitions is good, but I think I'll keep it as a really good paying profitable hobby for now. I have a great base of clients lining up on Facebook and now Instagram. I have about 40-50 customers even before the candles harden or the soaps cure. After the first of the year I'll have a Grand Opening, and have my Etsy open full time and with more than just my book for sale on the pages of glory. I think I'll have about 30 scents to choose from and they'll all have really cool names like: "Zen", "Breath", "Meditate", "Music", "Harmony", "Patriot", "Caledonia" and I know I'll have a few really fun barn smells in there too. I'm not lying, if I can match a horse poop and sweat scent, I'm patenting that thing, and I'm selling it exclusively for $$$$....just kidding. I'll want everyone and their furbabies to enjoy it. It'll be priced the same as the others.
Right now the prices will be at an introductory price of around $4.00 USD and L3.00 (I don't have the Pound Sterling symbol on my keyboard. The L will have to do.) I'll have to charge for shipping and handling, and that means for the international clients there will be a significant surcharge. I hope it doesn't make it impossible, but the best thing for an international client to do is to buy in a heavier load so that the price of shipping is absorbed. I'll figure it out and then post it on the Etsy to give the best price breaks. I'll be sending a lot of my broken pieces and unsellable soaps to Bethany Christian Trust to use for their people who they care for. A bar of soap for their cause doesn't need or have to be pretty. My hope was to move to Scotland and make soaps and candles, but the cost and feasibility of doing that for a much smaller clientele was not a good overall productive plan. Looks like I'm staying here and when I visit in the summer I'll bring several boxes with me to give to Bethany Christian Trust. Flying with the soaps and candles as luggage will be a great way to get them overseas without much cost involved. I'll just wear the same clothes over and over for two weeks. (giggles)
December has been a very active and proactive month so far. Laura (my daughter) is also making soaps and candles, mostly for horse people. She is making horse and hound use soaps and they are shaped like little grooming brushes. They are so adorable. Believe it or not there wasn't many people out there making what she does, and yet she's decided to be fair and not over price her wares. I really think she's an amazing soul for that. Most people mark up the price just because their creation is different. She sees the need, she fills the need. I think that's admirable. Making a profit is good, we all want that, but there's no reason to steal from anyone just because they'll pay what you ask. Jesus is still watching you know, and the heart is the gauge, not the wallet. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you, still stands. Proud of my little one.
So yeah, that's it, I'm about to pour another batch of Patchouli. Everyone seems to love it. I'm adding another scent to it, and mixing about 16 oz of wax to make two or three candles. The way you measure the wax flakes to see how much you'll need is simple: If you want to make 10 candles all 8 ounces, that's 80 ounces. You divide that by 20, and that's how much you need, so 80 divided by 20 = 4. I need four pounds of wax to make 10 candles that will be 8 ounces each. I'm just pouring 3 and they're about 4 ounces, so 12 ounces divided by 20 = .6 pounds. Done and doner. Love it. I learned so much today about pouring, adding scent, adding colors, and standing the damn wick in place. The hardest part about making candles is setting the wick folks. As soon as I get that down to a science I'll post about it, until then, if you're learning, watch 10 videos and practice...practice, cuss, throw a pot or two at the dog, and just say a prayer - - then do it again. Not the best wick setter....nope, I am not.
Be blessed!
Photo Credit: Me.November 29, 2021
Empyrean (a Poem)
Empyrean
One, two, three, four,
One, two, three – fly
I chase the illusion
Dream – fantasize
Drawn to the velvet
Thick the motions scroll
Clear floating breezes
Line my heart’s soul
Oh, do I see him
Is he here – just there
Dance for me kind king
Spin your servant fair
Long I’ve dreamt to find you
Entice, come near I pray
Take my hand, my every breath
Give your strong command
Drawn to this, my trance
An escape to be with you
If only in my visions
Until a day so new
So new with its beginning
Unearthed and set above
Heaven holds my waiting
How dare I mention love
- Jude Stringfellow, November 29, 2021
Photo Credit: Tattoos Love to Know
Reflections of the Eve (a Poem)
Reflections of the Eve
Pure, the echoed silence
Forced to hold its breath
Gently pricks my soul
I resign to your request
Touch, creating motion
Heat moves now within
Strong and so assuring
Flow, caress, we bend
Embrace the swollen air between us
Let it linger through the night
Tantalizing spirits
Radiant as light
Your kiss, my cadence
Trails between my lips
Your mouth an endless river
Deep and sensuous
Stay with me forever
Day through night we live
Devotion is your heart’s beat
Ardor is your gift
Jude Stringfellow, November 29, 2021
Photo Credit: Dreams TimeLMAO / Turn it All Around!
So, they say when life gives you lemons you're to make lemonade, right? Well, how about this, how about when you make the biggest soap mess possible, you turn it around and make another (reformed) recipe and turn the gloppy hard solid "mashed potatoes" into bourbon honey ginger milk soap! Yeah, that's what you do! You take the bad and you think fast. You think about all the ways you screwed up because you don't ever want to sweep that under the rug. No, you want to remember what you did, and remember what you'll never do again. Take the bad, think, and reform. That's the ticket! Let me explain.
Yesterday my daughter and I were making another batch of soap to give as Christmas gifts. This soap making thing is new to us, and we're just literally at the very start of it. We had poured about 3 different batters without really any problems. We followed the recipes, we watched the videos, and we were ready! Let me tell you - - we did such a great job. Then Laura left me unattended. That can be a disaster all by itself folks, that can be...well, yeah. I learn a lot when I'm left unattended.
I set the lye water just perfectly fine, no issues there. I set the lye water to the side, let it cool a bit, and I began mixing and melting the coconut oil, the palm oil, the mango butter, before pouring the liquid into the measured olive, castor, almond, and avocado oils. There are so many various oils to use and they all bring unique textures and properties to the soap. For instance, did you know the castor oil is the product that creates the suds in the soaps? Did you know that? I did not know that. I was standing there at the stove with my cooled oils with a temperature reading of about 120 degrees. My lye water was close to that, so now it's time to add the sodium lactate to the water, did that. Next you pour the water into the oils, and you burst stir it with the stick blender, alternating the burst for manual stirring -- after you do it a few times you get the hang of it. You wait for the "trace" to form just a bit on the top of the mix and that's when you add the color and the scents. I started with the scents. I chose a really cool oily mix called "Lick Me All Over", which yeah, I know, it's sort of sexy, sort of fun, right? OMG....LOOK OUT!
I poured in the oily mix scent and within seconds, I mean SECONDS, my batter was hard, it was solidifying and it was clumping around my blender like thick mashed potatoes. Same color as mashed taters too, because I didn't have time to put the pink colorant in before I had one big fat ugly mess on my hands and at 120-125 degrees I couldn't just grab it with my hands and start packing it into the silicone molds in order to try and make something valuable from it, but yep, that's what I was doing. Hands digging in, slapping that mix into the silicone molds and frantically pushing, packing, trying to get every tiny crack filled up (filled in) with soap so that it wouldn't set up and crumble. NO DICE. I suck! Truth. I suck. It was about that time that I took a minute and read the scent oil bottle's little written label that clearly stated it was suitable for LIQUID soap - - not poured soap - - and yes, there is a big difference folks.
I let the soap set for a few hours, popped it out of the mold and then cut it up into squares with the slicer because I'm not going to lie, the cutting of the soap is really so very satisfying. It's like watching paint drip into a pan or something. You just love doing it. Cutting soap could be my newest hobby. I could do it for hours and never complain. I cut the soap, I let it sit up on a little towel overnight and tried to think of a way to save it. I knew (know) that if I let it cure 3 weeks and try to use it as regular bars of soap it will end up breaking apart probably after one or two uses. Not good. What do you do? What do you do to save the batch, the money you spent on oils and scent? Each batch can cost about $7.00-10.00 and you don't want to just throw it out do you? No, there must be a way to save it. I knew there had to be, so I looked it up. I was right -- many many people have faced the same problems. You can also collect old bits of soap that most people just throw away. You can reform it (melt) by using heat and either milk, water, goat's milk, etc. I chose lactose free 2% because that's what I had. It worked.
JUST because I can, just because I thought it would be cool, and possibly make a difference, I decided to add a few tablespoons of ginger powder and honey. Why? Oh, I don't know, I saw a lady who had a batch of ginger, tumeric, and honey soap and thought maybe I can do that. Well, it started to really melt up pretty good, but then bubbles began to form on the top and you don't want that to happen. It looks funny and I don't want it to interfere with the solid bars either. What do you do? Well, you can use 90% alcohol and spray or spritz it on top, or you can do what I did, and that was to pour the old Kentucky Bourbon I had in the cabinet into a spray bottle, and you can spray the top of the heated mix with a few dozen spritzes until the bubbles disappear. It worked. It also turned the gingery brown liquid into a little watery looking which only added to the character; really cool.
I don't drink, so the 1/3 bottle of Bourbon I had in the cabinet was probably over a few years old. Does Bourbon go bad? It worked. and now I have a new idea for the old, the broken, the ruined, or just a new and exciting recipe that could end up being a multi-million dollar sales product for me. LOL That would make me laugh. So, Lick Me All Over, or LMAO for short turns out as Honey Ginger Bourbon...it's all good. Good in the hood.
My dogs watch me dance and giggle while I'm left alone in the kitchen. They know they will be entertained. They don't even beg for treats at that point, they're just too interested and engaged with the spectacle before them. By the way, there was no artificial colorants used for the Honey Ginger Bourbon soaps, and they turned out so gloriously golden brown. I do love it. Let me tell you...I love this soap making folks. Just love it. A batch can cost about $7 and you can sell each bar (10 in the loaf + 1 or 12 bars in the molds) for $4.00 each, or $44/48. Not a bad thing. You can see why no one wants to let the mashed potatoes hit the trash bin. Nope. Not when I can reform, remelt, reinvent, restore, or just plain find a way! MAKE IT HAPPEN PEOPLE.
Photo Credit: Me! Jude Stringfellow's Blog
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