Srikumar Rao's Blog, page 34

No, You DON’T Know, Dummy! And That is Why You Suffer!!

Why you keep doing stuff that harms you and you know it harms you.

He was a diligent student. He did all the exercises and assignments in my program and

benefited greatly. And one day he approached me about a serious problem he had. He was an

alcoholic. He had kicked the habit numerous times but, somehow, he always relapsed.

“I know its bad for me,” he said. “I know it very clearly but I just can’t stop myself.

Can you help me?”

And I thought about the numerous persons I know who have participated in Creativity and

Personal Mastery over the decades who have expressed something similar to me.

I have my own thorns. I ‘know’ that salty Indian snacks are bad for me but I indulge anyway.

How about you? Are there things you do that you clearly ‘know’ are not in your best interest?

Like checking email compulsively? Or being driven by overweening ambition? Like ignoring your

family while you climb your career ladder?

Here is some disquieting news for you. The reason you indulge in this self-defeating behavior is

because you DON’T know how it is harming you. You think you ‘know’ but you don’t. You just have a

vague feeling that it may not be the best for you and perhaps you shouldn’t be doing it. A very

vague and nebulous feeling.

Let’s say you are walking in the countryside on a path bounded by thick hedges. Suddenly you see

an out of control car careening toward you.

What do you do?

Here’s one thing you don’t do. You don’t seek out a sage and relate your tale of woe to him.

“Oh holy one, there is a car coming toward me. What should I do? Can you please guide me?”

You go through the nearest hedge instantly. You don’t pause to think that this is an

impossible task, that it is a thick hedge, that you may get scratched or your new clothes

my get torn.

The reason you do this is because you know, REALLY know in a visceral, deep down way, what

will happen to you if the car hits you.

If you had an equal degree of clarity about the other stuff in your life, you would not do

what you do.

So how do you get that clarity?Sometimes we are dragged willy-nilly into a different state of

consciousness. Have you ever had someone close to you die unexpectedly?

There was grief, of course, but there was also reflection. A sense that you were far too

preoccupied with trivial matters and perhaps a determination to live differently.

And then, of course, you went back to your normal life with its incessant striving and the

rainbow was always over the next hill.

Why can’t you retain that sense of clarity?

Because you have been programmed to revert to your unthinking ways.

There is a way to be anchored in your new realization if you choose to. But you have to work

at it and employ a powerful tool.

That tool is Deep Reflection.

In Deep Reflection you consciously bring to mind and meditate on the ramifications of the behavior

that is troubling you.

Are you fiercely ambitious to the point that you cannot sleep and are consumed by work to

the extent that your family is suffering and insomnia stalks you?

Think about the inevitability of death and how “…scepter and crown must tumble down and in the dust be

equal made with the poor humble scythe and spade.” In India seekers meditate in cremation fields and

graveyards to impress on themselves that life is transitory.

Are you lustful and fixated on sex? Think of the human body and what it is composed of.

Blood that pours out of cuts, pus that forms in wounds, bones and excrement and entrails.

Can you really be attracted to something so gross?

Whatever it is that troubles you, there is a Deep Reflection that can rid you of that programming.

This is a very powerful tool so use it with care. I will say more about how to form your

Deep Reflection in a later column.

And some information: I have received many requests for individual coaching and accept

highly select clients. If you would like to explore this, please reach out to Janelle Light at

janelle.light@theraoinstitute.com

Please be aware that there will be several rounds of screening and you will have to make a compelling case.

The post No, You DON’T Know, Dummy! And That is Why You Suffer!! appeared first on The Rao Institute.

It’s Better Than Loving What You Do!

Sometimes the lesson you need to learn is right at home but you have

spent a lifetime avoiding it.

And you have suffered much totally unnecessary misery as a result.

To give you some background, I do not like gardening.

I do like beautiful gardens with colorful flowers with butterflies

flitting to and fro but they do not make my heart soar.

And I emphatically do not like planting and weeding and watering

and fertilizing and all the stuff you have to do to create a beautiful garden.

My wife, on the other hand, LOVES gardening. Which is fine by me

but what is not fine is the way

in which she tries to rope me in to ‘help’ her in the misguided

hope that I will start liking it.

Here is a portion of our backyard and I love reading in it.

She also grows flowers in pots, many pots. Here are some of them:

She had to go away for three days last week and strictly enjoined

me to water the plants in the pot.

The automatic sprinklers took care of the rest of the flora.

The temperature soared into the nineties on all three days and I

completely forgot my promise on the first day.

I tried to make it up by double dousing them in water for the next two days.

When Meena – that’s my wife – returned she was really upset and laced into me.

“You just poured water on them,” she accused me.

I thought that was exactly what I was supposed to do and said so.

“No, no, no!.” she protested and she was almost in tears.

“The flowers are delicate.

Look how many you killed by subjecting them to a heavy stream of water.”

She explained further – the plants were babies and needed to be watered with love,

with a gentle trickle to the roots and not a barrage from the top.

Observing her, that is exactly what she did. The love with which she

pruned and watered

and weeded was evident. I just never noticed it.

She was correct. There was no love in my action. I poured water on

the pots with resentment

at what I considered a chore. There were other things I would rather have been doing.

And so, until she pointed it out with some vigor, I did not even notice that

I was harming the life forms that I was supposed to be nourishing.

And then I remembered the quote from Gibran that had impressed me so much I put it

in the syllabus for my program:

And all work is empty save when there is love;

And when you work with love you bind yourself to yourself, and to one another,

and to God.

And what is it to work with love?

It is to weave the cloth with threads drawn from your heart, even as

if your beloved were to wear that cloth.

It is to build a house with affection, even as if your beloved were to

dwell in that house.

It is to sow seeds with tenderness and reap the harvest with joy,

even as if your beloved were to eat the fruit.

It is to charge all things you fashion with a breath of your own spirit,

And to know that all the blessed dead are standing about you and watching.

Often have I heard you say, as if speaking in sleep, “he who works in marble,

and finds the shape of his own soul in the stone, is nobler than he who

ploughs the soil.

And he who seizes the rainbow to lay it on a cloth in the likeness of man,

is more than he who makes the sandals for our feet.”

But I say, not in sleep but in the over-wakefulness of noontide, that the

wind speaks not more sweetly to the giant oaks than to the least of

all the blades of grass;

And he alone is great who turns the voice of the wind into a song made sweeter

by his own loving.

Work is love made visible.

We race around desperately seeking work that we love and a career we can

be passionate about. And we totally forget to put love into what we are doing

as we seek these pastures we think are greener.

It is perfectly OK to seek betterment – in finances, in career prospects,

in greater satisfaction.

But do so while you are pouring love into what you are doing now.

Putting love into what you do is better than searching for what you love.

And, who knows, if you do this sincerely you may find that your perfect

station is right where you are now.

So, I will endeavor to water with care and feeling. Even with love

Peace!

The post It’s Better Than Loving What You Do! appeared first on The Rao Institute.

The Telemarketer and Me – a Valuable Lesson

If I were to make a list of my five favorite activities, ‘Listening to a telemarketer make his pitch’ would not make it.

Between you and me it would not make the ‘2,000 activities I enjoy’ list.

When the National Do-Not-Call last was announced a few years ago, I signed up immediately.

It does not work. Those pesky creatures get through anyway.

What REALLY annoys me is that, starting recently, telemarketers have started calling me on my cell phone.

Two days ago I was talking to my daughter shortly before I was due to drive her to the airport. We were having a lively discussion on a topic that escapes me.

My cell phone rang.

I did not recognize the number but had recently posted a blog that was well received so I took the call in case it was a fan.

A somewhat nasal voice mispronounced my name and wanted to know how my day was going.

“Who are you and why are you calling?” I responded. I was loud and not very polite.

He tried to explain who he was and I got rid of him by hanging up.

My daughter’s jaw dropped. “You were so rude to him, Daddy,” she explained. “I’ve never seen you shout like that before!”

“He does it all the time,” my wife interjected helpfully.

I tried to explain that on the scale of evolution telemarketers were somewhere between primordial slime and amoebae, but my daughter was having none of it.

“He was just trying to do his job and he probably hates it and you just made it even more awful for him,” she said.

I said that I had no interest in buying anything.

“You don’t have to buy what he is trying to sell,” she came back. “But you could have been nicer to him. You had the opportunity to make the world a little nicer to a fellow human being and you totally blew it.”

And then she delivered the coup-de-grace.

“Isn’t that what you teach in your course?”

I threw in the towel. Yes, I was being totally me-centered and gave no thought whatsoever to the feelings of said telemarketer and countless others before him. In the back of my mind lurked the thought that if enough persons were like me all telemarketers would quit and the profession would become deservedly extinct, but I did not express it.

But my daughter changed my train of thinking. And exposed a blind spot in which you could park a tractor-trailer.

How many persons do we run across that we cavalierly ignore? Janitors? Waitresses? Cab drivers? Bell hops? Lawn care workers?

Each of these is a human being with his own cares and dreams. They provide a valuable service that we need but we barely acknowledge it. And we don’t even recognize that we are being callous. That we are so self absorbed in our ‘busyness’ that we totally miss the opportunity to enhance someone else’s life and hence our own.

Guiltily I recalled that my wife laid out ice-cold water for our lawn mowers and the mailman on really hot days. I applauded the sentiment but did not even think of doing something similar when the mercury soared and she was away.

I will endeavor to change. I may not buy candy for the next telemarketer who gets me but I will consciously not bite his head off.

And, for a brief instant, I will acknowledge that fate has intertwined us for some unfathomable purpose and will endeavor to make his life a little better through genuine interaction.

The world may be a better place if we all did likewise.

Peace!

The post The Telemarketer and Me – a Valuable Lesson appeared first on The Rao Institute.

I HATE My Job – and the Solution!

One of the blessings of what I do is that people share their deepest longings and darkest fears with me. I am the repository of many confidences and know the turmoil that lurks beneath many shiny ‘success’ stories.

One problem, in particular, bedevils many.

They toil in jobs that they mildly dislike, or feel disenchanted about and sometimes even hate. They would like to follow their ‘passion’ but feel stuck because ‘they need the income’ and can’t see how their ‘passion’ can provide this.

In my last blog – “What a Fool He Was. Or Was He?” – I spoke about someone who found a solution to this dilemma by walking away.

I also said that another solution is to really like – not ‘pretend like’ – what you actually do.

The question is how do you ‘like’ or even ‘love’ something that you have spent so much time decrying as something you are stuck in, something that you have to ‘endure’ because of some external consideration such as money or stability or security.

The way to do this is to change the way you think!

Here is a truth that you may not wish to hear, but think about it all the same.

Passion does not exist in the job. It exists in you!

And if you cannot ignite it within yourself right where you are now, you will not find it outside.

We find what we do distasteful for a number of reasons – the task is boring, or meaningless, or too tough/easy. Or we don’t like the person(s) with whom we are involved. Or we resent the time demands. Or we feel that too much is being put on our plate or whatever.

Each of these is a ‘thought in our head.’

It is important to recognize this. Clouds in the sky will be blown away and replaced with other clouds. Our thoughts will similarly dissipate to be replaced with others. They have no power to drag us into dark emotional domains unless we give them that power.

Try this yourself. Next time you find yourself resenting something at your place of work see how much of your resistance is because of your mental chatter going “I don’t want to do this. Why do I have to do this? It is a waste of time. It is beneath me. I should be doing something else. Etc..”

See how strong your preferences are and how they drag you, willy-nilly into dark places.

Can you start seeing your situation as a training ground to gradually stop being so wedded to your desires? Would this possibly lead to results that are far better than you could have ever imagined?

Many decades ago my boss, who was president of the largest entertainment conglomerate in the world, reminisced about his career.

When he graduated from Harvard Business School he joined a brokerage firm that was not his first choice because that was the only job he could get. He was an analyst but did not get to cover the then prestigious industries like automobiles or pharmaceuticals. Instead he was given the entertainment industry.

In those days it wasn’t even considered an ‘industry’ and he was pretty much the only one covering it. This was not what he wanted, but he accepted it, more grudgingly than cheerfully.

But strong willed entrepreneurs like Steve Ross, Lew Wasserman and Charles Bluhdorn built up holding companies like Warner Communications, MCA and Gulf & Western and all of a gradual sudden he was the premier analyst covering this emerging sector.

My boss was candid and humble. He recognized the role that ‘luck’ played in his ascent and he was grateful.

Here is a very powerful and instructive quote from Rumi:

“When I run after what I think I want, my days are a furnace of stress and anxiety; if I sit in my own place of patience, what I need flows to me, and without pain. From this I understand that what I want also wants me, is looking for me and attracting me. There is a great secret here for anyone who can grasp it.”

And there is indeed a great secret in this concept.

I will say more about this in a future column.

If you would like to learn exactly how to ‘think differently’ and experience the change this brings to your life, you should consider enrolling in my “Creativity and Personal Mastery” program.

A new one begins in September. The syllabus has been extensively revised and is worth reading in it’s own right. If you find that the syllabus resonates with you, then I recommend rearranging your life so that you can take it.

If the syllabus does not call to you with a deep insistence, then it is not right for you at this time.

To receive a copy of the new syllabus, email Janelle Light at Janelle.Light@theraoinstitute.com

Peace!

The post I HATE My Job – and the Solution! appeared first on The Rao Institute.

How to Deal With Fear and Anger After a Terrorist Attack

 

The pictures are surreal even as the aftermath is gruesome. Three youths nonchalantly pushing airport luggage carts, calm and composed as they stare into middle distance.

And there are scenes of horrific destruction with dismembered bodies and weeping relatives after the suitcases on the carts exploded.

The incidents happen more frequently and countries that prided themselves as havens of tranquility find that the world outside cannot be kept out and intrudes noisily.

An elderly man, a war veteran, was choleric as he raged against ‘these beasts’ and bemoaned that he was too old to bear arms once again. When someone suggested that he feel compassion for all who had lost their lives including those who caused the mayhem, he foamed at the mouth. “I don’t want to feel compassion,” he screamed, “I want to (expletive deleted) them!”

He had a lot more to say about the ‘misguided’ idiots who refused to recognize the danger we were all in and wasted sympathy on terrorists. Many in earshot nodded in agreement.

We feel righteous. We have done nothing ‘wrong’, or at least nothing that calls for the level of wanton bloodletting that we witness. We need to stamp out this evil using overwhelming force if necessary.

Fear is rampant. Fear that our loved ones and we may no longer be safe. That our way of life and our personal safety are both threatened. Anger is close behind. And a thirst for revenge that grows daily, fed by opportunistic politicians.

When emotions run high is precisely the time to step back and act with cool reason rather than impetuous reaction.

How does one cope with fear and anger?

There are several steps you can take. Some you take personally and some as an advocate for the society you would like to be a part of.

1) Recognize that a great deal of the angst you feel is misplaced. Yes, horrible things have happened but you are still more likely to die in an automobile accident or by slipping in the bath tub than in a terrorist incident. The numbers in a particular incident seem large but the totals are insignificant. Insignificant in numbers only-not in meaning.

2) Media feasts on carnage and disproportionate coverage is more titillating porn than news. Do not let talking heads tell you what to think about and how to think about what is relentlessly put in front of you.

3) Feel compassion for all who lost their lives. Even those who perpetrated the disasters.

Many will push back on this instinctively like the red-faced veteran. They will label you a ‘pacifist’ and invite you to come to the ‘real world’.

So let me clarify.

First, when you react with compassion, you do not do this for the terrorist. You do this for YOU.

The toxins of anger and attendant side effects on blood pressure and heart do your body much harm. Paroxysms of rage can, literally, kill you.

Second, having compassion does not mean that you flinch from doing what must be done. It simply means that you do it while occupying an emotional domain of calm rather than hate or revenge.

Consider this scenario: You have a dog, one that your entire family loves. The dog has grown up in your house and is a beloved pet. Every one of your children has played with and has fond memories of him.

But then one day your dog wanders into the wild and is bitten by a raccoon. He snaps at your children and you realize he is rabid.

What do you do?

You put him down, of course, because he has become a grave threat to your family. But there is no exultation. You do it with sorrow and respect and grieve that you have to do so.

The very existence of terrorists means that, at some level, we have failed as a species. We have permitted anger and hate to germinate and grow to such proportions that multiple individuals are ready for wanton violence and cruelty.

Can they be redeemed? Who knows? Should they be put down because the destruction they can cause is so terrible? Perhaps. But if so, let it be with the same sorrow and respect with which you put down a beloved pet.

You do not flinch and you do not rejoice. You just do what you feel needs to be done. It is not appropriate to revel. That would be playing their game.

No matter what they do, if you react with venom and try to exact retribution, you begin playing their game.

Do not do this.

Instead, play your own.

Peace!

The post How to Deal With Fear and Anger After a Terrorist Attack appeared first on The Rao Institute.

What to do about the ‘beep’! How to let go of inner disturbance

In my last post I described how we get upset when a motorist ‘beeps’ at us if we are slow to get moving when the light turns green.

Such a trivial event has the ability to disturb our equanimity.

What about more ‘serious’ events like your messy divorce proceeding, business reverses or career setbacks?

I am going to speak about an important step you can take to ‘let go’ of the inner disturbance that life produces so, so often.

Wanting to ‘let it go’ is not the same thing as being able to do so. I will say more about this in a future post.

So here is something that can help you.

Step 1: Examine your life as it is right now and make a list of all the things that disturb you with some predictability.

For example: you may are bothered by your daughter refusing to take college seriously and hanging out with a boyfriend you think unsuitable; or you get angry/depressed at how things are at work and feel your career has been derailed; or you have concerns about your relationship with your spouse and wonder if you should stay in your marriage; or whatever.

Step 2: In each case, think of the ‘worst case scenario’. Your daughter may drop out of college, run off with her unsuitable paramour who leaves her when she is pregnant.

You may get fired with no notice and your spouse may leave you before you decide what you would like.

Step 3: Recognize that this ‘worst case scenario’ is just a thought in your head. It may come to pass. It may not happen. In any event, imagine that it transpires and come up with what you will do if and when it happens.

Here is the secret – when you have consciously and explicitly recognized that this could happen and what you will do if it does, it loses its power to terrify you.

Make your peace with that ‘worst case scenario’. You hope it won’t happen. But if it does, you now know what you intend to do.

Step 4: Go about your business and take steps that will prevent that ‘worst case scenario’ from coming about. Focus relentlessly on your intent and what you are doing.

DO NOT even think about what will happen. You have no control over the outcome so why waste your energy worrying?

As long as you pour your energy into what you are doing, you will feel peace rather than turbulence.

Repeat these steps for every situation that disturbs you.

It is a simple process and, once you get the hang of it, you will find that it works in a vast range of situations.

Do implement this in your life NOW!

Peace!

P.S.: I am conducting a two module workshop in London in collaboration with Imperial College. The modules are in March and June and you are required to attend both.

Details are at: http://wwwf.imperial.ac.uk/business-school/executive-education/management-strategy-leadership-open-programmes/inner-landscapes-of-leadership/

If you would like to participate, be sure to tell Julie Coyne that you are part of Dr. Rao’s community to get a 10% discount

The post What to do about the ‘beep’! How to let go of inner disturbance appeared first on The Rao Institute.

Letting go: It’s only a ‘beep’! But what a lesson it carries!!

Alan Gassman, a prominent Florida attorney, took my capstone program Creativity and Personal Mastery a few years ago. Shortly thereafter he invited me to Tampa to meet some of his clients. He gave me a bunch of books that had an impact on him and among them was an inconspicuous paperback with a light blue cover. It was called ‘The Untethered Soul’ and was by someone called Michael Singer.

I gave many talks during that visit and an affable gentleman, who had asked some really good questions, came up to me afterward and asked me if I had read a book called ‘The Untethered Soul’. I assured him that I had not.

I came back to New York and discovered that I had two copies of ‘The Untethered Soul’ on my bookshelves. I buy lots of books and my wife is convinced that Amazon’s share price run-up is entirely due to my activity. Somehow, somewhere, something had made enough of an impression on me that I actually ordered the book. Twice.

I can recognize when the Universe is nudging me.

I read the book. It instantly made it to the ‘life-changing books’ section of my syllabus. I have since recommended it to many. Andre Vogtlin, an executive recruiter based in Basel who is also an alumnus of my program, called it ‘spiritual TNT’.  I concur.

‘The Untethered Soul’ is not a book to read. It is something that you have to let seep into you so that it permeates your entire being. When and if you do, a transformation will occur that cannot be described. It can only be experienced.

Two weeks ago I got on a plane to Gainesville, Florida. I just had to meet Michael Singer. Mickey, as he prefers to be called, had graciously agreed to a private meeting. Afterward he took me in his car to show me around the Temple property and we talked about many things and he acquiesced to remaining in touch.

He has a way of driving home the ridiculous predicaments we are all stuck in and the ridiculously easy way to get ourselves unstuck.

The paradox is that it is both supremely easy and exceptionally difficult at the same time.

Here is one of the game changers he threw out in his talk at the temple on the Sunday I visited.

You are driving and stopped at a red light when your smart phone vibrates. You take a quick glance at it and your brain registers that it is a message you have to respond to. Even as you do this there is beep from the car behind you. The light has changed.

You shake your head and move on. “Geez,” you think. “What’s with that guy? Where the hell does he think he’s going and who the hell does he think he is? People are so impatient these days.”

When he pulls up beside you at the next light you glare at him. He studiously avoids looking at you.

That beep bothered you. It threw you off your stride. It colored your day and made it a little worse.

It’s just a trivial beep. If you let that upset you, what will happen when you have to deal with your ex-husband or your contentious son or your irritated boss?

No wonder we are all stressed out and desperately seeking to meditate or be mindful or practice Yoga as a way to hold it all together.

There is an astonishingly simple way out. There is a brief moment, when you hear the beep when you can decide “Am I going to let this disturb me?”

You can decide that you will not let it disturb you and relax into the entity that hears the beep and watches you decide to let it go.

You can also decide not to let your irritated boss or your contentious son or your ex-husband disturb you.

This does not mean that you don’t do what you have to. It does mean that you do it from the knowledge that you are doing what you can in the best way that you can and you are at peace with the outcome, whatever it may be. It does not disturb your equanimity because you have decided that it will not.

It really is that simple.

It is ridiculously easy.

It is unbelievably hard.

There is one thing you can do, starting right away, that will help you practice letting go. I will tell you what it is in my next post.

If you are impatient and cannot wait, send an email to my trusty right hand person – Janelle Light – at Janelle.Light@theraoinstitute.com with the subject “I am impatient – please send it to me right away”.

Peace!

The post Letting go: It’s only a ‘beep’! But what a lesson it carries!! appeared first on The Rao Institute.

It’s Holiday Season – Don’t Make the Mistake I Made

I made a bunch of phone calls this week but reached few of the persons I wanted to. Companies are slowing down and executives are more concerned with holiday plans than business.

My wife is in California visiting our daughter and I am holding the fort in New York looking after my mother-in-law who is the most good-natured and undemanding elder relative you can hope to find.

And I am also taking stock and acknowledging the many blessings in my life. And I am remembering my friend.

We had known each other for more than three decades and met socially many times in the early days.

Then he moved west and I moved east so geography intervened. I used to joke that New York was close to the largest toxic dump in the world – a dump called New Jersey. As a new resident of that state he did not agree.

We met for lunch two or three times a year. He would drive more than two-thirds of the way braving both river crossings. Sometimes the trip would take him two hours each way but he never complained or suggested that perhaps I could come closer to him the next time.

We had deep conversations. We discussed family and philosophy and business and where we were headed in our lives.

When I was passing through a turbulent phase in my life he found his own gentle way of supporting me. He was unfailingly encouraging and frequently gave me examples of how something I had told him made a big impact on his life. He was not lying, nor was he flattering. He was trying to get me to expand my thinking to reach more people. And reassuring me that I was OK.

We were supposed to meet one day but something intervened so I asked if we could re-schedule. He was leaving on an international trip so we agreed to meet on his return.

He emailed me when he got back and we scheduled but I canceled again. He sent me alternate dates but none of them worked for me. He called me to set something up in real time. I explained that several projects were coming to a head at the same time so could we meet in six months.

Of course he agreed readily. He emailed me again in a few months and I meant to reply but, somehow, it got lost in my in-box and I never replied.

He called me from Florida where he was vacationing and we had a brief conversation because I was interrupted by another call. We agreed to meet on his return.

I dropped the ball again.

I was in London on a business trip. I came across his old email and determined that we absolutely should get together. It had now been more than two years since our last meeting.  

The next day my wife called me. He had passed away peacefully and she wanted to know if I would be back for the funeral service.

Pancreatic cancer moves swiftly. He was pretty far gone when he called me from Florida. I keep wondering if he would have told me about it if I had not abruptly ended our call.

And I kick myself for not knowing, for not being there for him whereas he always made time for me when I needed it.

And he was gone before I could say goodbye or let him know how much I valued his friendship.

Life always encroaches. The ‘urgent’ rides roughshod over us and sidelines the ‘important.’

There is someone in your life who is important to you. You wish him – or her – well and love him dearly. But you have not made the phone call or sent him the email to let him know this.

You want to. You mean to. But something always intervenes and you resolve to do it ‘tomorrow.’

Sometimes tomorrow never comes.

So, reach out to that person TODAY. Draft and send that email. Make the phone call. Don’t set yourself up for unending regret. You will bring joy to his life.

And to yours.

Peace to you and yours.

Srikumar Rao

The post It’s Holiday Season – Don’t Make the Mistake I Made appeared first on The Rao Institute.

This Illusion is Wrecking your Life!

There is an illusion that you hold on to though your own experience shows that it is just that – an illusion. You know it, but you behave as if it were not true.

And much suffering results from this.

What is this delusion that holds you in thrall?

It is the notion that you are one single permanent self that is present all the time.

I know this is not true.

The resolute me that greets the morning with joy and determines to eat healthy and exercise is not the same person who, having had a good dinner and brushed his teeth, decides the perfect way to end the day is with a deep-fried, salty snack.

The good natured me, who fully believes the universe gives hints, is not the snarling brute who emerges when he has sunk into a comfortable armchair to watch his favorite TV show and the universe, in the shape of his lovely wife, reminds him that he had promised to do the laundry.

The book “Sybil” became a bestseller and the protagonist had 16 separate personalities. You may not be a pathological case but I bet you have more.

I certainly do.

Perhaps you can relate to this entertaining piece written by Obi Ejimofo who took my course at London Business School. (Explanation – My course is called Creativity and Personal Mastery and frequently called CPM.)

My Nigerian me was caught on camera last Monday battling with the UK-born me

for control of the kitchen. Spontaneous me sneaked in between the two and

whipped up a spicy stir-fry with ingredients from both warring camps.

Mindless me grabbed the steamy plate, leapt on the couch, opened up my laptop,

turned the TV volume down a notch and began to make a phone call while

furiously blowing on the meal to cool it down.

CPM me wagged a stern finger and negotiated a more mindful experience of the

meal (the TV stayed on as a compromise).

Worry me applauded the choice of fish over red meat and the variety of

vegetables but worried about the liberal amounts of groundnut oil used.

Indulgent me tucked in, cleaned the plate, went for another helping and topped

it all off with 3 glasses of wine.

Sporty me bemoaned my foot injury, no football for a few weeks. Music me

couldn’t decide whether to play Cuban jazz or neo-soul while CPM me denounced

all the other me’s as mere manifestations of mind chatter

Nigerian me was sulking, UK me flicked the Dutch channels for something in

English while Don Juan me wondered yet again whether the ladies at the spinning

class giggled for Sporty me or the Black me.

The Black me chuckled to himself, he felt he knew the answer…

Creative me fretted and tugged and squirmed, he wanted to write and draw and

make music again ‘Damn this MBA’.

MBA me fretted and tugged and squirmed, he missed the classes, the debate, the

broadening of the mind.

Worry me sniffed, remembering that I turn 34 in less than a month. Nigerian me

concurred, my mum wants to see that me married. Family me agreed, he wanted

kids. Career-minded me joined the thought – I should have been far more

successful by now. UK-born me just wanted to be back in London.

CPM me joined forces with Sporty and Creative, morphed into Positive me, bribed

Mindless to stay out of it and kicked Worry to the curb.

Music me decided on some Cuban jazz…

… All of Me stretched, lay back and relaxed to enjoy the vibes…

…..except Worry me ‘Who was going to do the washing up?’

Do you recognize yourself?

You have many selves. Some of these selves do stuff that greatly upsets other selves.

That is just the way it is.

Your problem arises because you think that there is only one permanent self. And that self is accountable for all your sins of omission and commission.

Recognize that these ‘selves’ come and go. They are all equally unreal.

YOU are beyond that. You are NONE of these selves.

You are the OBSERVER of these selves.

Rest in that state.

Peace!

The post This Illusion is Wrecking your Life! appeared first on The Rao Institute.

Stop Struggling! ALLOW it to happen!

Here is how most of us live life.

We set a goal for ourselves and then take appropriate action to reach that goal.

When things do not go our way, we work harder. We put our ‘nose to the grindstone’ and try to remember that ‘when the going gets tough, the tough get going.’

Our lives are full of struggle as we tot up our accomplishments.

This is just the nature of life, right?

Well, maybe not.

I am reading The Surrender Experiment by Michael Singer. Singer is the author of The Untethered Soul and I think so highly of it that it appears in the life-changing books section of the syllabus for my program.

Singer describes a phase in his life when he was so tired of his mental chatter that he was spending virtually all his time in deep meditation. His description of his life then is eerily similar to that of Ramana Maharshi when he first came to the temple at Tiruvannamalai and simply meditated in the cavernous rooms in the many-level temple basement.

He was in a doctoral program in economics at the University of Florida and had to take three exams. He registered to take the two that he was somewhat prepared for.

Somehow he got registered for all three and he had not done a stitch of work for his public finance exam.

He was tempted to withdraw, but was experimenting with surrendering to the universe rather than imposing his will on it.

He decided to take the exam and thought the failure that happened would help in his struggle to vanquish his ego.

On the day before the exam he picked up his main public finance textbook and read three sections at random.

He repeated this the next morning and left to take his exam fully expecting to fail and fully at peace with it because he was sure he would drop out of his Ph.D. to devote full time to his spiritual practice.

There were six questions on the exam and he was required to answer three. Three of the six dealt with the topics that he had briefly studied.

He received an A in the exam and even got a commendation from the dean on his exemplary performance.

Here is a really scary thought.

Do you really have to impose your will, with all of the pain it involves and the drama it creates, on the universe to make things happen the way YOU want them to?

Or can you learn to set aside your oh-so-strong preferences and let a greater wisdom guide you effortlessly through life?

Don’t rush to answer this question.

This is deep, so think about it and let the answer emerge.

Don’t force it.

Peace!!

The post Stop Struggling! ALLOW it to happen! appeared first on The Rao Institute.