Cate Gardner's Blog, page 41
April 1, 2011
April Fool
I'm back...
I'll work on a blog post about what I did or didn't achieve during my week's (cough) absence sometimes this weekend, but not on April Fools' day. One should only do foolish things today, like:
Phone office services and tell them the bucket they put above the ceiling tile had fallen through and landed on someone's head, and they were wearing it as a hat. Flap, flap, flap.
Being a wise and unfoolable sort, I haven't fallen for too many April Fool jokes over the years. Ahem! But the below, was a classic...
Once upon a time a naive me opened the local free paper to read an article about a new television channel that would be showing the latest movies for free. This may have been in the early days of cable or satellite television, or before then when the UK only had a measly four or five stations. I was super excited and began following the instructions--boring stuff like turning your tv on etc etc, then clapping your hands at the television (yes, I did that), then rushing across the room to open the window and wave your arms... Oh!
To which my mum said, "What are you doing?"
"Being an April Fool," I replied.
I may never live it down. Especialy as I keep mentioning it.
I'll work on a blog post about what I did or didn't achieve during my week's (cough) absence sometimes this weekend, but not on April Fools' day. One should only do foolish things today, like:
Phone office services and tell them the bucket they put above the ceiling tile had fallen through and landed on someone's head, and they were wearing it as a hat. Flap, flap, flap.
Being a wise and unfoolable sort, I haven't fallen for too many April Fool jokes over the years. Ahem! But the below, was a classic...
Once upon a time a naive me opened the local free paper to read an article about a new television channel that would be showing the latest movies for free. This may have been in the early days of cable or satellite television, or before then when the UK only had a measly four or five stations. I was super excited and began following the instructions--boring stuff like turning your tv on etc etc, then clapping your hands at the television (yes, I did that), then rushing across the room to open the window and wave your arms... Oh!
To which my mum said, "What are you doing?"
"Being an April Fool," I replied.
I may never live it down. Especialy as I keep mentioning it.
March 25, 2011
Dead Line
I'm not here.I hope.
There are a few deadlines for anthlogies/magazines looming that I promised myself I'd write for and I'm so far behind, I'm not even certain how many there are or if I'm too late for some. There's a mound of printed sheets on top of my printer--I see guidelines, interesting writing posts, I press print, I forget about them--and I need to get to.
I also need to bury myself in the Barbed Wire Heart edit and stop allowing distractions to lead me astray.
Normally, if I'm at home and manage to ignore twitter for an hour I call that a result. I'm aiming for a week's silence. It's going to be hard. I've turned off the comment section at the bottom of this post or I'll be tempted to come by and see if anyone's spoken and then I'll reply and in a heartbeat I'll be cruising along to twitter.
I've cleared my google reader of all but one post (that has a link to a short story I want to read and guidelines for a magazine I may be interested in submitting to), but otherwise, I've read everything, and commented where I had something to say. It'll be interesting (and fun) to see how full my google reader is when I return to the web. I think it'll have about 271 blog posts to read. If you fancy guessing how many blog posts you think my google reader will have amassed in my break (which may be 7 days, may be one hour or may even be a month--yeah right), then shoot me an email - catephoenix(at)gmail(dot)com and I'll send the person who gets the closest a prize on my return.
If you need me for anything, send me an email. I'll be checking my mailbox regularly (though, hopefully not too regularly :D)
Here I go...
March 23, 2011
WIP Wednesday - Time, Heartbreak and Exploding Monkeys
It's Wednesday.
I have a WIP.
It has nothing to do with clocks or exploding monkey heads.
It has to do with this
When I'm not twittering, I'm editing 'Barbed Wire Hearts'.
*no monkeys were harmed in the making of this post.
March 21, 2011
The 99 cent Plaster Fairy
...or things that occured at the weekend.
I frightened my four-year-old nephew. Not on purpose. He insisted I put another plaster around the three or four plasters he already had on his finger because he was frightened the other plasters would fall off and it would hurt. They're covering a week old papercut. I did so, but told him not to fret, that the Plaster Fairy would remove the plasters when he slept and that it wouldn't hurt. This sent him into hysterics. Warning to parents: don't leave a horror writer in charge of a child. In my defence, the Plaster Fairy tale sounded cute and not freaky in my head. I have been chastisted.
Finished the second draft of 'Barbed Wire Heart' and now I get to do the pretty editing phase. Told my mum, I'd finished (while rewarding myself with biscuits) and was again chastised with, 'What do you mean it's a novella not a novel? What the 'feck' use is that?'
Drew the winner of my Space & Time and Amazon voucher competition - Gary B Phillips - who subsequently decided to do a competition where three lucky souls can win the Strange Men in Pinstripe Suits ebook. How awesome is he...
And the final chastisement came via myself...
I procrastinated and read a bunch of blogs (and blog comments) about 99 cent ebooks. I'm aware that people I respect are anti selling a book for 99 cents (and there are also others who I respect who are pro 99 cent books) and that many think that pricing a book at 99 cents = crap and not worth their time. That bothers me, of course that bothers me. The last thing I want is people to make the assumption my book isn't worth their time--I need their time.
I've been lucky, Strange Men has gathered some fantastic reviews, but the fact is, I'm an unknown writer and selling story collections is hard even for the well established. So, when my publisher asked how much I wanted the ebook priced at (my publisher is so awesome, I get 100% of net electronic sales) I was torn. In the end, I decided on the lower price scale in the hope it would tempt folk to try the collection who may not have otherwise and having liked (she hopes) the book, they may be more willing to give my book 'Theatre of Curious Acts' a try when it is published later this year.
Of course, now I'm aware it has possibly put others off.
(I'll let you into a secret: I care what people think. I care too much and thus I chastise myself)
I'll admit, seeing Strange Men on Amazon.com at 99 cents doesn't bother me (I have had twinges of 'no one will buy the paperback' now, but I think one has sold since the ebook went live - don't laugh, each sale means the world to me), but seeing it at 70p on Amazon.co.uk does. Seventy pence. God, I am cheap. I cost as much as a Galaxy chocolate bar (but I last longer).
For an awesome, more eloquent post about the price of books check out Katey Taylor's blog. I love her analogy. It had me crying 'yes' and 'oh my god' and 'I'm the cheap bottle of wine' and 'but I've gotten drunk quite well on Lambrusco and Thunderbirds and my liver survived'.
Okay, back to writing or obsessing or both.
I frightened my four-year-old nephew. Not on purpose. He insisted I put another plaster around the three or four plasters he already had on his finger because he was frightened the other plasters would fall off and it would hurt. They're covering a week old papercut. I did so, but told him not to fret, that the Plaster Fairy would remove the plasters when he slept and that it wouldn't hurt. This sent him into hysterics. Warning to parents: don't leave a horror writer in charge of a child. In my defence, the Plaster Fairy tale sounded cute and not freaky in my head. I have been chastisted.
Finished the second draft of 'Barbed Wire Heart' and now I get to do the pretty editing phase. Told my mum, I'd finished (while rewarding myself with biscuits) and was again chastised with, 'What do you mean it's a novella not a novel? What the 'feck' use is that?'
Drew the winner of my Space & Time and Amazon voucher competition - Gary B Phillips - who subsequently decided to do a competition where three lucky souls can win the Strange Men in Pinstripe Suits ebook. How awesome is he...
And the final chastisement came via myself...
I procrastinated and read a bunch of blogs (and blog comments) about 99 cent ebooks. I'm aware that people I respect are anti selling a book for 99 cents (and there are also others who I respect who are pro 99 cent books) and that many think that pricing a book at 99 cents = crap and not worth their time. That bothers me, of course that bothers me. The last thing I want is people to make the assumption my book isn't worth their time--I need their time.
I've been lucky, Strange Men has gathered some fantastic reviews, but the fact is, I'm an unknown writer and selling story collections is hard even for the well established. So, when my publisher asked how much I wanted the ebook priced at (my publisher is so awesome, I get 100% of net electronic sales) I was torn. In the end, I decided on the lower price scale in the hope it would tempt folk to try the collection who may not have otherwise and having liked (she hopes) the book, they may be more willing to give my book 'Theatre of Curious Acts' a try when it is published later this year.
Of course, now I'm aware it has possibly put others off.
(I'll let you into a secret: I care what people think. I care too much and thus I chastise myself)
I'll admit, seeing Strange Men on Amazon.com at 99 cents doesn't bother me (I have had twinges of 'no one will buy the paperback' now, but I think one has sold since the ebook went live - don't laugh, each sale means the world to me), but seeing it at 70p on Amazon.co.uk does. Seventy pence. God, I am cheap. I cost as much as a Galaxy chocolate bar (but I last longer).
For an awesome, more eloquent post about the price of books check out Katey Taylor's blog. I love her analogy. It had me crying 'yes' and 'oh my god' and 'I'm the cheap bottle of wine' and 'but I've gotten drunk quite well on Lambrusco and Thunderbirds and my liver survived'.
Okay, back to writing or obsessing or both.
March 16, 2011
WIP Wednesday - Spinning Spider Silk
Currently deep in the second draft of Barbed Wire Hearts and contemplating a title change. Something along the lines of Spider Silk with one or more other words, unless that sounds more fantasy... Does it sound more fantasy? I like Barbed Wire Hearts only there's no barbed wire here. There could be of course. Heck, this time next week it could be...
"the tale about a dead girl's beating heart, a living boy's empty chest and the goat-man who stole their town"
Oh, and the place I decided to specifically write this tale for (okay, I know I was writing it for me, but me wanted to get into this place so :P - yes I did just pull tongues at you) appears to be closed or maybe I'm reading their guidelines wrong. I hope I'm reading their guidelines wrong because they seem to have been closed since last August and that would make me very dumb indeed.
Oh wait, I might be.
Will I still send a query letter? I think yes. But I won't sub-sub. Of course, that all depends on whether I can stay off twitter long enough to make the story something gruesome and pretty and very, very odd. If only chapters could be 140 characters long.
Current word count: 14,158 words
March 14, 2011
If only they were fifty-two...
Gary Fry's chapbook 'Abolisher of Roses' is now available to pre-order from the Spectral Press website for £3.50UK/£4.50EU/$8US and $12 RoW. The chapbook, in a limited edition of only 100 signed and numbered copies, is due to be published in the first week of May.You can also get a four issue subscription (£13.50UK/$30US/£16EU/$40RoW) which will of course include my chapbook, Nowhere Hall.
Other Monday news...
I have three stitches in my head - I'd have you believe they are a luminous blue, but they're possibly just blue, I guess only nighttime will tell. I do hope I glow in the dark. I haven't decided whether to tell folk I've had my muse removed (could confuse the non-writing people) or I've had a lobotomy (most suspect I had one years ago).
I have a box of chocolate vampires and I haven't eaten them. I may never eat them.
Last line I wrote in my WIP before venturing here (and twitter, and facebook, and twitter, and statcounter, and goodreads etc etc rinse and repeat): "So about this minion business," Rose said.
Guess I should get back to work.
March 12, 2011
Ashes
My story 'And, the Bride Wore Ashes' is now available to read at Phantasmacore.
It's a tale of a jilted Buster Keatonesque groom, a wedding dress made of moths and a snow globe.
I hope you like it and I also hope you'll comment over at the site if you do (or don't). It's my first story available to read online since last September. I need to pull my socks up.
March 11, 2011
The List
I forgot how to breathe earlier today...
I saw a link to Ellen Datlow's Full Honorable Mention list (ie the long list) and first I noticed that Aaron Polson was on the list and then I noticed that I was on the list...
Well not me exactly--my story 'The Hollow Framework for the Cotton Man' which was in Postscripts 22/23.
Oh my freaking god.
I can't deny that if I had a list of things to achieve, then a mention from Ellen would be on that list.
However, I may have to tippex my computer screen so that I can remove Jacob Garbe from between me and Neil Gaiman. Other folk on the list include Simon Bestwick, Lee Thompson, Lavie Tidhar, E Catherine Tobler, Jason Fischer, Patty Jansen, DeAnna Knippling, Alison J Littlewood, Felicity Dowker, Kurt Newton, Gary McMahon (who got 11 nominations - show off :D) and others.
P.S. Don't forget, there's still time to enter my competition to win Space & Time magazine and an Amazon Gift Card.
March 10, 2011
Space, Time and The Competition
Competition time.
My contributor copies of Space and Time arrived today. That's right--copies--which means I have a spare magazine to pass onto someone awesome (and it'll be signed by me) and I thought I'd throw in a $10 or £10 (depending which side of the Atlantic you're on) Amazon gift card so you can buy more books.
So what do you have to do to win...
Well, I figured since it's ebook week, you could maybe buy an ebook and then comment below saying you'd like to be entered in the competition. I'm not looking for proof you bought an ebook (I trust y'all). Just do it. Or perhaps you've already bought an ebook this week and in which case, consider yourself entered (but you still have to tell me in the comments so I know you're playing).
Here are some ebook buyage suggestions:
Strange Men in Pinstripe Suits - UK or USA
(Yes, that's my sly way of telling you my book is now available to read on the Kindle - I am made of evil things)
Some more ebook suggestions: (I LOVE these books)
The House Eaters by Aaron Polson - UK or USA
House of Fallen Trees by Gina Ranalli - UK or USA
Morning is Dead by Andersen Prunty - UK or USA
Or try something I have on my to read shelf (and to read file):
Amity by Jeremy D Brooks - UK or USA
The Masks of Our Fathers by Barry Napier - UK or USA
The Black Act by Louise Bohmer - UK or USA
Try a famous author:
Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro - UK or USA
...or a small press author:
Empire by David Dunwoody - UK or USA
...or an independent author:
Zombie Punter by Zoe E. Whitten - UK or USA
...or pre-order a book by a first time author:
Bad Taste in Boys by Carrie Harris - UK or USA
...or buy what I'm currently reading:
Tide of Souls by Simon Bestwick - UK or USA
Heck, just buy a book. Anybody's book because we're all in this together.
Competition closes midnight (your time), Friday 18th March 2011.
PS Forgot to say - even if I've mentioned your book, you can enter and if I haven't mentioned your book, please feel free to link to your book in the comment section (one time only offer).
My contributor copies of Space and Time arrived today. That's right--copies--which means I have a spare magazine to pass onto someone awesome (and it'll be signed by me) and I thought I'd throw in a $10 or £10 (depending which side of the Atlantic you're on) Amazon gift card so you can buy more books.
So what do you have to do to win...
Well, I figured since it's ebook week, you could maybe buy an ebook and then comment below saying you'd like to be entered in the competition. I'm not looking for proof you bought an ebook (I trust y'all). Just do it. Or perhaps you've already bought an ebook this week and in which case, consider yourself entered (but you still have to tell me in the comments so I know you're playing).
Here are some ebook buyage suggestions:Strange Men in Pinstripe Suits - UK or USA
(Yes, that's my sly way of telling you my book is now available to read on the Kindle - I am made of evil things)
Some more ebook suggestions: (I LOVE these books)
The House Eaters by Aaron Polson - UK or USA
House of Fallen Trees by Gina Ranalli - UK or USA
Morning is Dead by Andersen Prunty - UK or USA
Or try something I have on my to read shelf (and to read file):
Amity by Jeremy D Brooks - UK or USA
The Masks of Our Fathers by Barry Napier - UK or USA
The Black Act by Louise Bohmer - UK or USA
Try a famous author:
Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro - UK or USA
...or a small press author:
Empire by David Dunwoody - UK or USA
...or an independent author:
Zombie Punter by Zoe E. Whitten - UK or USA
...or pre-order a book by a first time author:
Bad Taste in Boys by Carrie Harris - UK or USA
...or buy what I'm currently reading:
Tide of Souls by Simon Bestwick - UK or USA
Heck, just buy a book. Anybody's book because we're all in this together.
Competition closes midnight (your time), Friday 18th March 2011.
PS Forgot to say - even if I've mentioned your book, you can enter and if I haven't mentioned your book, please feel free to link to your book in the comment section (one time only offer).
March 9, 2011
The First Day
This is not subliminal advertising--honest. It's the only picture I had of Jack Knocking Head on my laptop and he just happens to be leaning against something that I won't mention here today but may mention here tomorrow but have definitely over-mentioned on twitter and slightly on facebook.Deciding what to give up for Lent has been a tough decision. Last year I attempted to give up green pens and failed. Accidentally failed. I picked up a pen, scribbled something and voila, failure.
But I forgave myself.
This year, I am giving up tapping Jack's head and watching it wobble when I'm supposed to be writing.
