Kelly Oram's Blog, page 4

Cinder & Ella Dream Cast

I get asked the casting question with every book I write and it’s always the hardest one for me to answer. By the time I’ve written a book, I know the characters so well that they are their own people in my mind. It’s hard for me to put an actor to them. But alas, I shall try to get as close to my idea of them as I can, because hey, who doesn’t like to gossip about celebrities? CLICK HERE TO SUPPORT CINDER & ELLA ON IFLIST

Starting with our stars…

Ariana Grande as Ella 

Ella was hard because she’s half Latina, which cuts my options down significantly. Add to that her bright blue eyes and well… impossible. I couldn’t find anyone with the blue eyes, but I did find someone who I think looks like she could play Ella. Ella needs to be someone who can pull off shy and with a guy she likes but also stubborn, outspoken witty and feisty at the same time. She needs to be someone who could play beautiful but doesn’t know it. The only girl that kept coming to mind for me was Ariana Grande.

Zac Efron as Brian/Cinder

This almost seems cliché but really, can we go wrong with Zac? He’s sort of the poster child for gorgeous Hollywood playboy. He’s charming charismatic, and can do both pretty and bad boy. Nice and jerky. Sensitive and arrogant. He’s very “Hollywood Actor,” you know?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And now for the stepfamily…

Patrick Dempsey and Charlize Tharon as Richard and Jennifer Coleman 

Ella’s dad is actually her real dad in the book, but she hasn’t seen him since she was eight when he left her and her mom for another woman and never looked back. Richard Coleman is a U.S. Attourney. He’s powerful and intimidating, but in a knight-in-shining-armor kind of way. He’s made mistakes, but deep down he’s a good guy and tries hard to be a good father. I can definitely see Patrick fitting into this role of trying to do his best in a difficult situation, sometimes making the wrong choices, and being overwhelmed. (Yet you can’t help but want him to win.)

Jennifer Coleman is “the other woman.” She plays the role of the “evil stepmom,” though I’ve taken my own “Hollywood” spin on her. She’s a professional model and is a little clueless and tactless but not inherently evil. But she’s absolutely gorgeous and the perfect trophy wife for Richard. Charlize is the perfect look in my mind and with her acting capabilities, I know she could accomplish the personality I was trying to create with Jennifer.

The Ugly/Evil Stepsisters
Annasophia Robb & Brittany Snow as Anastasia and Juliette

The Ugly/Evil Stepsisters. Obviously not ugly. Evil… Well…  Anastasia and Juliette (Yes, Anastasia is a nod to the Disney film but I couldn’t bring myself to use Drisella, so Juliette it was…) are your quintessential popular girls. They’re gorgeous, popular, spoiled and self-centered. They are two girls who are used to their perfect looks, and their perfect lives, in their perfect home, with their perfect family. Until Ella shows up and shatters that perfect world. The two have a lot in common, and you could probably use Annaspohia or Brittany for either sister, but I chose Annaspohia for Anastasia because, of the two sisters, Anastasia is definitely the more viscous of them. I would love to see Annasophia play up the Evil Stepsister.

And last but not least the supporting BFFs

Bella Thorne as Vivan 

Vivian was easy for me. As our resident fairy Godmother, she’s quirky, fun, and very confident in herself. She has her own unique sense of style and flaire. Bella Thorne is perfect!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jesse Metcalfe as Rob

Rob was harder like Ella. His character is a lot more subtle. I love him, and have big plans for him, so I couldn’t just pick any old face. In this story I suppose Rob would play the role of the mice in the Disney film—Jaque and Gus. Or in the Hillary Duff movie A Cinderella Story—which is totally my favorite, by the way—he’d be Carter, the lovable, sidekick the BFF. He’s there to support Ella and be her friend when no one else is. This star athlete is hot and confident, but he’s also very quiet and modest. He doesn’t mind letting others take the spotlight. He has an element of mysterious and sexy to him. Does Jesse not look like he could fill that role? Mmm. I’m a fan!

 

 

Anyway, those are my picks. I’d love to hear yours. And, Hollywood, if you’re listening, take notes! This movie could be EPIC!

How about we add just one more picture of Jesse because… well just because.

Brian Oliver’s original email to Ella (how they met.)

In Cinder & Ella, Brian and Ella share a passion for all things reading and fantasy. Ella has a book and movie review blog, and “met” Brian the day he wrote her an email about a post she’d written on his favorite book series. While they agreed that The Cinder Chronicles was the best set of books ever to be penned, and that the author was a genius, that was pretty much where their mutual understanding stopped. Brian’s bold letter about Ella’s post, and Ella’s heated reply, sparked a strong Internet friendship that carried them both through some difficult times.

Excerpt from the book:

“I met Ella through her blog over three years ago, after I came across a post she’d written about my favorite book series.” He flashed the audience a devastating smile. “You guys might have heard of it—The Cinder Chronicles by L.P. Morgan.”

Cheers erupted, and after the noise died down Brian continued on. “She had this insane theory that Prince Cinder should have chosen Ellamara instead of Princess Ratana, which of course I absolutely had to argue with. I wrote a very nice and polite Letter To The Editor explaining how completely misguided her theory was.”

Brian chuckled, but I scoffed. “Nice and polite? He called me a pig-headed, naïve feminist romanticist!”

Everyone in the room laughed, and even I had to smile because a secretive smirk crept over Brian’s face. No doubt he was thinking about the exact same thing I was.

“When she wrote me back, it was love at first fight.”

****************

I thought it would be fun to share with you guys, the actual letter that Brian wrote to Ella, which you won’t find in the book. Enjoy!

 

Brian’s Letter To The Editor

To: EllaTheRealHero@yahoo.com

From: Cinder458@gmail.com

Subject: Words of wisdom…?

More like the absurd ramblings of a pig-headed, naïve, feminist romanticist. As much as I respect your love for the greatest book series of all time, I simply cannot let your backwards ideas stand without argument. Ella, the real hero of The Cinder Chronicles? In what reality? Was Obi-Wan the hero of Star Wars? Or Mr. Miyagi the hero of Karate Kid? I don’t think so. If Ellamara were the hero of the story, they’d have to change the title of The Druid Prince to The Boring Book About That Weird Chick No One Cares About.

And you think Cinder should have chosen her over Princess Ratana? ARE YOU CRAZY? Ellamara was a too-good-for-everyone, cryptic-just-to-be-difficult man-hater. All she ever did was give a bunch of vague, unhelpful advice and constantly harp on Cinder and try to change him. So typical of a woman. And she was way too stubborn—always thought she knew best, and always had to be right about everything. (Kind of reminds me of someone…)

Ratana was so much better for Cinder. I mean, come on. She was as fierce a warrior as he was. She was always up for an adventure, supported Cinder when he had risky ideas, and believed in him when no one else did. Plus, she was a princess. She understood the kinds of responsibilities Cinder had as the leader of his people. She was raised to be a queen. She could help Cinder run the kingdom after he took the throne. If Cinder had chosen Ella, it would have ruined the book.

I hate to say it but, as entertaining as your blog post was, it sounded a bit defensive. Are you sure you didn’t just hate the fact that Cinder chose the beautiful, fun, popular, rich chick instead of the quiet, shy outcast? Hit a little too close to home maybe? You know, they say our favorite characters are often the ones we can most relate to. Hence the reason Cinder is my favorite character ever written. He’s awesome. He’s impulsive and passionate. I’m awesome. I’m impulsive and passionate. He’s under a lot of pressure. I’m under a lot of pressure. He’s good looking. I’m good looking… You see what I’m saying?

You’re probably just like Ellamara, aren’t you? Only you’re much more capable of stringing together coherent thoughts. I bet you’re shy and awkward in real life, but you come alive online. You should stop hiding behind your blog. I’ve read a few of your posts. You’re funny, and though your opinions are severely misguided, you show a great amount of intelligence in your writing. Your wit and sarcasm are totally awesome. You’re pretty, too. I mean, the braces are a little unfortunate (been there, done that, hated it), but you still have a beautiful smile and your eyes are stunning. I bet if you borrowed a little of Cinder’s confidence you’d have the guys flocking to you like crazy.

From one die-hard fan to another, I sincerely hope this letter will help you realize how wrong you are, and that the book is absolutely perfect the way it is. But considering how obstinate you seem, it’s more likely we’ll have to agree to disagree. Still, your blog is pretty cool. Keep up the good work.

Sincerely,

Your newest follower,

Cinder458

The Music Behind V is for Virgin

Today I’d like to share Kyle’s songs with you and tell you a little about the inspiration behind his band Tralse.

First of all, if you haven’t yet heard where the idea for the book V is for Virgin came from, and how Tralse actually came to be, you can get the whole story (and trust me, it’s a good one) in my post about The History of V is For Virgin. There’s even an interview with the REAL Kyle Hamilton. (Yes, there’s a real Kyle Hamilton–go read the post…)

But today I want to talk a little about the music. When I first started writing V is for Virgin, I knew I was going to have to have a song in it. The plot relies heavily on the song that Kyle writes for Val, that makes her famous and him even more famous, and I always knew I would have to have actual lyrics for it. The problem was, I am sooooooo not a songwriter. I completely freaked out at the idea of having to write a song for this book. So what did I do? I went to my amazingly talented, songwriting little sister and made her write it for me, of course.

My baby sister Cara used to be the singer in a local band here in Phoenix called Science of Sydney, and her husband was the lead guitarist. (Yup, the Cara in the book is totally named after my little sis, and Shane is named after her rocker husband.) Just for fun, here’s a picture of the real Cara and Shane, who totally inspired the fictional Cara and Shane. (Though the real Cara is such a sweetheart and totally not self-centered at all like the fictional Cara in the book. LOVE YOU SIS!)

Cara and Shane started their band, wrote all their own music, and even had a producer pick them up and help them record a demo at one point. But, as life will do to people sometimes, they were forced to move away to Seattle and the band had to break up. You can still listen to a few of their songs HERE.

So, Cara wrote the song that started it all, Kyle’s song for Val, Cryin’ Shame. When I spoke to her about writing the song for me, I had to tell her a lot about Kyle, and the kind of guy he is, and the type of sound I was going for. I even made her read the book (what I’d had written so far) so that she’d know what I was trying to accomplish.I fell in love with it instantly, and thought she did a perfect job getting the angry, obnoxious, yet sexy and sweet tone of Kyle Hamilton down. Really, she nailed it!  (I understand I could be biased I this, but still…)

Cryin’ Shame

She’s smokin’ hearts with a burnin’ flame

She’s got a wild side without a name

And when she’s riled it’s a cryin’ shame

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! I’ve got it bad

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! I’m goin’ mad

Cause in your head you’ve got it right

Won’t go to bed without a fight

You think you’re wise, you think it shows

So show me wise without those clothes

She’s playin’ hardball and it’s nothin’ new

Short skirts so enjoy the view

She’s a coldblooded tease baby through and through

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! I’ve got it bad

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! I’m goin’ ma

Cause in your head you’ve got it right

Won’t go to bed without a fight

You think you’re wise, you think it shows

So show me wise without those clothes

Come on Legs don’t go to waste

I could be your only savin’ grace

Put those morals on the back burner

Something tells me you’re a fast fast learner

Cause in your head you’ve got it right

Won’t go to bed without a fight

You think you’re wise, you think it shows

So show me wise without those clothes

Fun, right? I can totally picture him up on stage singing this song. I love it! Well, when Cara gave me these lyrics, she also introduced me to an indie rock band that she said inspired her. It is a testament to how well my baby sister knows me, because as soon as I heard them I knew they were exactly the type of band I’d always imagined Kyle’s band Tralse sounding like. It was as if she read my mind and conjured up Tralse in real life for me.

So, the sound behind Tralse, the inspiration for Kyle, and what I always imagine him/them to sound like is based on the indie rock band Head Automatica. Check them out on their official Facebook page. More than just having the right sound, they also had a song that was just so perfectly Kyle and Val in my mind, that it became their theme song. So… everyone… please enjoy Beating Heart Baby, and imagine Kyle singing it to Val…

Again, I love it. Head Automatica, I’m a fan. And to me that song is just so Kyle and Val. Dream cone true? I would LOVE one day to have these guys put a Melody to Kyle’s songs and perform them for me. Wouldn’t that be the most amazing awesome thing ever? I’ll keep dreaming, but hey, as Kyle always says, Dream Big!

Now, moving on to A is for Abstinence… When I eventually wrote a sequel to the book and knew that Kyle and Val would get their second chance, there was never any doubt that there would be another song. However, my little sis was super busy with life and whatnot, and I didn’t want to bug her to write me another song, so I pulled up my big girl panties and wrote one myself. That’s right, Worth Waiting For was all me. (Hopefully that’s not a bad thing.)

I figured I knew Kyle well enough, and knew exactly what he sounded like, and what kind of song I wanted, so I tried really hard to come up with something that sort of matched the first song, and yet shifted tone just a tiny bit. I wanted the second song to still have a hint of the old sassy obnoxious Kyle, and I still wanted it to be sexy, but I also wanted it to be much sweeter and more romantic at the same time, since Kyle had done a lot of growing up, and had learned a little. So, who knows if I accomplished it, but by the end I was pretty happy with the results, (if not still a little self-conscious, ’cause, again, NOT a songwriter…)

Anyway, here’s the lyrics for Worth Waiting For. Hope you enjoy them, and I hope this post helped you get a better feel for Kyle and Tralse.

Worth Waiting For

Thoughts of you runnin’ through my head.

Heart’s pumpin’ full speed ahead

Body’s screaming to get you in bed.

Need you, want you, Baby gotta be mine.

Come to me girl, I’m done wastin’ time.

You ask me to wait, don’t know if I can

Too scared to lose, I’m only a man

But I can’t let you go, can’t shut the door

Heart’s telling me you’re worth waiting for

The feel of your lips, hot breath on my skin

Touching you, touching me, I’d relish the sin

Lets find a way for us both to win.

Need you, want you, Baby gotta be mine.

Come to me girl, I’m done wastin’ time.

You ask me to wait, don’t know if I can

Too scared to lose, I’m only a man

But I can’t let you go, can’t shut the door

Heart’s telling me you’re worth waiting for

Forever I’ll wait, it’s drivin’ me mad

Driven by memories I’ve not yet had

Hanging on a promise of you and me

Hope springs eternal for things that could be

You ask me to wait, don’t know if I can

Too scared to lose, I’m only a man

Bring on the torture, forever and more

’Cause girl it’s true, you’re worth waiting for

History of V is for Virgin and interview with the real Kyle Hamilton

This is the Story Behind V is for Virgin and How Kyle Hamilton Came To Be. (It’s a funny story.)

If you’ve read V is for Virgin, you may have noticed that the book is dedicated to Kyle. No, I did not dedicate this book to my fictional rock star. (Though, if Kyle were to ever come to life and ask me, I’d totally tell him I did!) This book was dedicated to my baby brother. AKA Kyle Hamilton.

The story of V is for Virgin all began one random weekday afternoon when my brother stopped by my house to make himself a sandwich. No, I am not kidding. Also, this may have something to do with why Fictional Kyle loves food so much.

My little brother used to work for a pest control company in my town. He was the guy who drove the truck to people’s houses and sprayed so that they didn’t get bugs. (Honestly, considering I have a major phobia of bugs, these guys are my heroes.) Anyway, the job kept my brother driving all around the city all day so every now and then if he was in my neighborhood he would stop by my house for a minute to use the bathroom and raid my fridge. On this particular day where my story starts, it was his need for a turkey sandwich that made him stop by. I have a soft spot for my kid brother, so I gave him full access to my kitchen.

As Kye stood there smearing mayonnaise on bread I was sitting on my couch with my laptop. I was in between story ideas, so I asked him, “Hey, Kyle, I’m going to write another book. What should I write about?”

His response was immediate and completely serious. “Me.”

I raised a questioning brow at him but he wasn’t fazed. He simply continued on. “You should write a book about me. And I want to be a rich, famous, rock star who gets all the chicks. Oh, and my band’s name is Tralse.”

Yes, he was still completely serious.

Some shoving of a turkey sandwich into his face commenced. (And probable some drinking of my last soda, but I can’t quite remember for sure.) But while he ate I actually considered the idea. A “rich, famous, rock star who gets all the chicks” could make a very fun character. But I still needed a story. Well, me, never being one to think much beyond romance, thought, “What if I write a story about the one girl a guy like that couldn’t get? Now, that could be really fun.”

But why couldn’t he get her? What was different about this girl, that she would be immune to the guy who can get anyone?

Because she’s a virgin. And she’s waiting until marriage.

BINGO.

From there my brain started spinning like mad, coming up with this whole plot. I swear I had half the book planned out before my brother left my house. And that’s saying something considering how fast he can eat a sandwich. So… Kyle asked, and he received. Hence the dedication of the book. (Thank you Ky! Love you and your random brilliance!)

While Kyle Hamilton the fictional rock star is named after my brother and is, in a way, his brainchild, the two are still completely different people. Fictional Kyle got his name, his charm, his appetite, and his random band name from my brother, but that’s really where the similarities end. And it’s a good thing too because it didn’t take me long to realize I can’t write a romance story about my little brother! Um, ewe!

It took me a long time developing Kyle’s character before he was completely mine and I didn’t think about my brother and get grossed out every time Val thought he was sexy. It was weird. I will admit it. And it made it a little difficult to write the story at first. But, eventually I made Fictional Kyle so different from Real Kyle that he became my own and now it’s just a funny story that we all joke about.

Now, I am one of five kids. When my other siblings found out that I was writing a book “for Kyle”… well lets just say there were some “you love him the best” comments.  So, I ended up putting all of my siblings and their spouses in the book somewhere. Robin and Cara are my two bestest sisters anyone could ever ask for so naturally they had to be the two best friends. My other brother Jeff and all my brothers and sisters in law got to make appearances as well. Love you too Jeff, Alan, Bethany, Shane and Ani!

My baby sister Cara is really a music junkie in real life, and also, she’s brilliant and talented and wrote the lyrics to “Cryin Shame” for me. (While I may be able to write a book, I CANNOT write songs. I’ve tried. It’s very scary!)  So Cara wrote Val’s song for me because she’s the best!  Love you Cara! Miss your face! Thank you! People love your song! Also, fun fact, Cara and Shane are really married in real life. Shane really does play the guitar in a band and Cara really is his groupie, and they really are sickly shmoopy kissy-face in love.

ANYWAY…

Since this is the Battle of the Book Boyfriends, and we’re getting to know Kyle Hamilton today, I thought it would be fun to hear from the real Kyle Hamilton as well!

Name: Kyle Hamilton

Hair: Aubern

Eyes: Hazel

School activities: Dropped out to make it Big

Likes: Food, Family, Outdoors, Music, Sports

Favorite Food: Carbs and Diet Dr. Pepper

Favorite Music: Todays hits, Any thing on the radio Specifically Katy Perry

Favorite Movie: Die Hard Trilogy, Out Cold and all J-Lo movies

Favorite Phrase: No regrets, That and everybody wang chung tonight!

Kelly: And without further adieu, please welcome to the Battle of the Book Boyfriends, the real Kyle Hamilton! Say Hi, Kyle!

Kyle: Hello!

Kelly: So, what’s it like to be related to the coolest, funniest, most brilliant, talented genius on Earth? HA! Kidding. What I meant to ask is, what’s it like to be immortalized as a rich, famous, rock star who gets all the chicks?

Kyle: Not much different, Although I am not rich yet, I am rather famous, I have 80 followers on Instagram and 230 friends on Facebook, Needless to say people know me. I still get all the chicks, I have a wife three daughters and a girl dog. I am definitely popular with the ladies!

  

Kelly: Do you have groupies yet? Any crazy stalkers?

Kyle: The closest I come to that is my 18 month old daughter follows me around the house most of the time. Usually cause she wants something to eat. 

Kelly: What did you think of Fictional Kyle? Was he everything you were hoping for?

Kyle: He was pretty legit, exactly How I envisioned Him.

Kelly: Wait a minute. Did you even read the book?

Kyle: Totally……

Kelly: Have you ever even read any of my books? (And, no, watching the Being Jamie Baker book trailer doesn’t count as reading the book!)

Kyle: I totally read Jamie Baker!

Kelly: Don’t lie.

Kyle: Okay I read the first chapter, I am a horrible Brother. I am proud of you though and what you have accomplished. I just figured if Edward didn’t have to read twilight to get the part than I should be good. 

Kelly: It’s okay. I still love you anyway. Maybe I just love my other siblings a little more now. You know, Robin has read ALL of my books. Even the ones not published yet. Even DAD has read my books… I’m just saying…

Kyle: I love you sis!!

Kelly: Who’s better looking: you or the fictional Kyle?

Kyle: Me hands down, we probably have similar dressing styles you with eye liner and all, but My body is way better.

Kelly: Yeah, and who’s more conceited?

Kyle: I think we just established that!

Kelly: If you could cast someone to play you in the movie, who would it be?

Kyle: Probably Ryan Reynolds, Ryan Gosling, Ben Osmond (look him up on FB) or that guy who plays Arrow in the new TV series. We all have very similar Body type!

Kelly: *snort*. Sure you do. Anyway, I think the question we’re all wondering… Why Tralse? What does it mean? Where did you come up with it? And would you really name your band that if you were in a band? Wait… are you in a band?

Kyle: Tralse is the combination of True and False, I think we have all put that on a test at some point in time or maybe a capital T with that little extra line so it could be considered either one at first glance.  It was created when me and my friend Dustin Morden started a band right after high school, we decided on the name because we were going to be sell outs from the beginning and just play the music people wanted to hear, even if we didn’t like it. Thus we gave the impression of truly loving the music when we were just in it for the money. We broke up 3 months later. 

Kelly: And last but not least, why should we vote for Kyle Hamilton in the Battle of the Book Boyfriends?

Kyle: Because this is every woman’s dream, we all know that girls love the “Bad boy” and the idea of fixing someone is all they dream about. This story gives women hope everywhere that they can change that rugged, daring, egotistical man into someone that is capable of loving. Plus, any man that can change that much for love, deserves a reward. 

Kelly: Thanks so much for stopping by today Kyle! I’m sure your fans appreciate it! Any parting words? Now may be your only opportunity to spill embarrassing secrets about your sister. (Though, I know where you live, so… just saying…)

Kyle: Nope just thank you for the opportunity to be in your books. I am grateful you took my suggestions into consideration as you wrote another book, you’ve always been a good sister, best of luck with your future books. 

Kelly: Aww. You see? That’s why I love you the best. Thanks for stopping by today!

Character comparison-Kyle Hamilton vs Brian Oliver

Cinder & Ella is a contemporary spin on the classic fairy tale Cinderella wherein my “Prince” is a famous movie star. I will admit it: I like books about celebrities. A couple of my favorites off the top of my head would be, Unmaking Hunter Kennedy by Anne Eliot, This is What Happy Looks Like by Jennifer E. Smith, and Teen Idol by Meg Cabot. Call it a guilty pleasure if you must, but I love these types of books and will read every one I come across. It’s not a surprise to me that I’ve written a few myself.

Cinder & Ella is my third book that stars a male celebrity as the lead love interest, the first two being my V is for Virgin series, which features my infamous rock star Kyle Hamilton. (My latest book If We Were a Movie is also set in the same universe and features a rockstar in the making.) But that doesn’t mean that if you’ve already read the V is for Virgin books, you don’t need to read Cinder & Ella or vice versa. The books are completely different. Kyle and Brian may both be celebrities, but they are two very different characters with two very different stories.

Yes, they’re both charming, passionate, creative guys with slightly inflated egos, but that’s really where the similarities stop. Kyle is a larger-than-life attention hog. He loves the spotlight and is a natural-born performer. Brian just wants to do what he loves best—act. The rest of it—the fame, the women, the parties—he could go without. Okay, well he does have a fondness for his Ferrari, but other than that he likes to keep things low key.

I thought it would be fun to do a little comparison between my two Hollywood Divas to give you a feel for just how different these two guys are. I think Brian and Kyle could probably tell you better than me, so I’ll let them do it by pulling a few short excerpts from their respective books.

Kyle and Brian On Fame:

~Kyle Hamilton, A is for Abstinence

A lot of celebrities grumble about the inconvenience of fame—the lack of privacy, people only loving you for your money and connections, the constant hounding by fans and the paparazzi. I can’t say I agree with them. If ever someone was meant to live the life of a celebrity, it was me.

I got my first taste of fame when I was eighteen and my band, Tralse, got our big break. Our song “Broken Passion” topped out at number one on the charts and our debut album went platinum. Our follow-up album, S is for Sex, went triple platinum, won six Grammys, and turned me into an international superstar.

For the last three years people have worshipped at my feet, and I’ve yet to tire of the attention. I’m never without friends or something to do, I always get everything I want, and I’m treated like a king wherever I go. I’m not ashamed to admit that I love it.

~Brian Oliver, Cinder & Ella

I hadn’t had a say about anything since my first teen movie hit number one in the box office. Agents, managers, publicists, lawyers, image consultants, personal trainers, a million others… They controlled my life now—what I could and couldn’t wear, what I could and couldn’t eat, what functions I could and couldn’t attend, what I could and couldn’t say. Hell, they’d scheduled this entire publicity tour without once consulting me.

Before I could storm out of the meeting, Lisa, the executive producer of the film, and the only person in the room besides Scott I could actually stand, met me at the door and blocked my way. “Brian,” she said, taking my hand. Her smile was completely patronizing, but I still softened to it. “We know you’re frustrated. You’ve had some bad luck with the paparazzi over the last year, but this press tour is important.”

Some bad luck? Ever since I was cast to play Cinder, I’d become the paparazzi’s new golden boy for the entire female market. They’d stuck to me constantly in order to sell millions of magazines to every woman in the country between the ages of twelve and sixty. They followed me everywhere. I couldn’t wipe my ass anymore without having it plastered on every magazine cover in America. I hadn’t had a moment’s peace in over a year.

Kyle and Brian On Education:

~Kyle Hamilton, V is for Virgin:

“What about you? Do you ever think about going back to school?”

Kyle shrugged. “Not really. I already get to do what I love, so I don’t see the point in a college degree.”

“But what about high school? It doesn’t bother you that you dropped out?”

“Can you keep a secret?” Kyle asked giving me a sly look. When I nodded he grinned. “I didn’t drop out. When the band got the record deal I transferred to an online high school so I could finish my education while I traveled. I’ve even taken a few random college courses in things like accounting and basic entertainment law—stuff that’s helped me keep up with the business end of my industry.”

I stopped walking to stare at Kyle in astonishment. He laughed at my shock then linked his arm through mine and started pulling me forward. “Ignorance is dangerous in my line of work,” he explained.

“Then why do you tell people you’re a high school dropout? Is it really that important to have the bad boy, rebel, rock star image?”

Kyle sighed. “The image is almost as important as the talent, sadly. When ‘Broken Passion’ made the radio, and it looked like Tralse had a real shot at becoming successful, my managers suggested the dropout thing. They made me break up with my girlfriend too.”

“Really?”

Kyle shrugged like it was no big deal.

“That’s appalling.”

“That’s fame. Gotta be sexy. Three point six GPA and faithful devoted boyfriend don’t exactly spell sexy rock star.”

~Brian Oliver, Cinder & Ella:

“How about enrolling him in college?” another person suggested.

Yes! I could get on board with that. I’d always wanted to go to college. I’d been homeschooled with a private tutor my whole life. The closest thing I’d ever gotten to a real school was playing a high school student in the movies.

“Hey, yeah, I could do that. I could go to UCLA—go Bruins! I’d like to study English Literature.”

Joseph shook his head, sending me a sympathetic smile. “That’s a really good idea, but you wouldn’t have the time.”

“But we’ve wrapped on The Druid Prince,” I argued. “I don’t have anything going on right now. I could totally do it. I can take a couple years off and go to school. It’d keep me out of trouble.”

Everyone in the room collectively shook their heads.

“Why not?” It pissed me off that they were so quickly dismissing the idea. “What would prove that I’m responsible more than getting a college degree? I’m plenty smart enough. I’d get good grades.”

Lisa smiled, but it was full of pity. “Of course you would, but there are five books in The Cinder Chronicles series. When The Druid Prince hits theaters and breaks box-office records—which it will—the studio will green light the other four movies. They’re already working on the next script. You’ll be filming again by spring.”

My heart sank. I should have known I wouldn’t be allowed to do something as normal as go to college.

Kyle and Brian On Temptation:

~Kyle Hamilton, V is for Virgin

“Is sex really that vital? Am I really not worth waiting for?”

Kyle swallowed hard. “If ever a girl was, Val, it’d be you, but I can’t promise that. You have no idea what my life is like. There are always too many beautiful and willing women. There’s too much temptation. Too much expectation. If I wasn’t getting it from you I’d probably stray. I know how that sounds, but I’m just being honest. I’m only human, Val. A weak one who’s been indulged way too long. I can’t give you what you’re asking for because I’m afraid of breaking your heart.”

~Brian Oliver, Cinder & Ella

Kaylee stood there, staring completely dumbfounded, as she finally realized she’d lost this argument. In one last desperate attempt to get what she wanted, she crossed the room and placed her hands delicately on my chest. “Brian…” She gazed up at me with lust-filled eyes as she slid her arms up over my shoulders and pressed her body against me. “Baby, please don’t go.”

As Kaylee brushed her lips over my freshly-shaven jaw, I wondered how I’d ever found her tempting. I grabbed her arms off my shoulders and untwined myself from her grip. “Sorry, Kay. There’s only one woman for me now, and you aren’t her. You don’t even come close.”

 

As you can see, Brian and Kyle live very similar lives, and are put in a lot of the same situations, but they react to things very differently. They feel like very different people when you read them, and their stories are completely different. Thanks for taking the time to get to know them a little bit better!

Character Interview (Serial Hottie & Being Jamie Baker)

Character Interview I did a while back for Cat @ Reading & Things blog.

(Featuring Jamie and Ryan from Being Jamie Baker & Seth and Ellie from Serial Hottie)

****

Cat: hi everyone! I’m excited to welcome Seth and Ellie from Serial Hottie and Ryan and Jamie from Being Jamie Baker! *hugs everyone* Hi y’all! How are y’all doing today?

Ryan: We’re fantastic. Thanks for having us. *pokes Jamie* Right, babe?  

Jamie: Sure. Thrilled.

Ellie: *scoffs* Speak for yourselves. I’m sick of interviews. It’s always the same stupid questions over and over.

Seth: *chucks his arm over Ellie’s shoulder* What my girlfriend means to say is, We’re great and it’s a pleasure to be here.

Ellie: *glares at seth* Do you have to use the G word in every sentence?

Seth: Yes. Until it stops bothering you to hear me call you my girlfriend.

Ryan: *laughs* Good to see I’m not the only one with a difficult girlfriend.

Seth: *grins* *pulls Ellie close* The difficult ones are the best kind.

Ryan: *laughs* Very true.

Cat: Haha ok. *turns to Jamie and Ryan* Would y’all mind giving us a rundown on y’all’s story for the readers that haven’t had the chance to read it?

Ryan: *leans forward and rubs his hands together with excitement* Well. You see, it all started when I made a bet with my friend that I could get Jamie–we called her the Ice Queen because she was the school’s stone-cold outcast–to kiss me. The rest of the story is basically about how she fell madly in love with me because I’m completely irresistible.

Ellie: *snorts*

Jamie: *heaves a sigh* Forgive Ryan. He’s delusional. I think that first kiss fried his brain and gave him permanent damage. The story’s not about me falling in love with him. It’s more like a superhero origin story.

Ryan: It’s a romance, babe. Accept it.

Jamie: *ignores Ryan* I was in an accident that gave me a bunch of freaky superpowers. They’re dangerous and they’re tied to my emotions, so I’d lose control a lot.

Seth: *chokes on a laugh*

Jamie: *glares at Seth* You think that’s funny?

Seth: *holds his hands up in surrender* No. Sorry. I was just thinking that if Ellie had dangerous powers tied to her emotions, the whole world would be screwed.

Ellie: *scoffs* I am not emotional.

Seth: Anger is an emotion, Ellie.

Ellie: *huffs* *slumps back in her chair and glares at the ground*

Seth: I rest my case.

Ellie: *punches Seth in the arm*

Seth: *laughs* *looks at Jamie* Sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt. So it’s about you learning to control your powers? That sounds cool.

Jamie: Well, it’s more complicated than that, of course. There was a reporter and a mad scientist and a super irritating guy at school that was so desperately infatuated with me he couldn’t take a hint no matter how many times I told him I wasn’t interested.

Ryan: Irresistible guy. And desperately infatuated or not, you were interested. Which is why I refused to take all your false hints. *leans over and kisses Jamie just below her ear along her jaw line.* *whispers* You know you’re glad I wouldn’t give up.

Jamie: *shivers* *sighs* Whatever.

Cat: Well *turns to Ellie and Seth* y’all’s turn. Can you give the readers who haven’t had the chance to read your story a rundown of it?

Ellie: Sure. It’s a serial killer mystery.

Seth: Really, it’s more of a romance.

Ellie: Actually, it’s kind of a comedy too.

Seth: And it’s a coming of age. It’s different.

Ellie: *snorts* Yeah, it’s definitely different.

Ryan: Sounds fun.

Seth: It was. Very, very fun.

Ellie: I don’t know that I’d call being stalked by a psycho killer fun.

Jamie: *confused* So it’s about how you were stalked by a psycho killer? But it’s a romance?

Seth: *grins* I told you it’s different.

Cat: Ok guys its time for y’all to get out of here, I want some girl talk. Can y’all go get us some drinks?

Cat: Sorry Ellie but I’ve got ask this for the readers. What were each of your first thoughts when you saw your guy?

Ellie: My very first thought? I believe I wondered if I’d died and gone to the O.C. I mean, seriously, who looks that good when they aren’t on TV? Seth is too hot for his own good. He’s like an Abercrombie & Fitch model. I didn’t think people like him existed in real life. Don’t get me wrong, I was happy to be proved wrong, but just… for real. He’s disgustingly attractive. And I’m like this tall skinny freckled mess… Sometimes I’m temped to break his nose just so his face wont be so perfect anymore and I don’t have to worry about people wondering what he’s doing with me.

Jamie: *laughs* You’re funny. But I know the feeling. I don’t really care what anyone else thinks, but I wonder why Ryan dates me all the time. I don’t really remember the first time I saw Ryan. When I moved to California I was pretty messed up. I was going through so much that I didn’t pay attention to people around me. The first time I really remember thinking about Ryan was the day we met. I’d overheard him make a bet with his best friend that he could get me to kiss him, and my first thoughts then were that I was going to have a lot of fun when he attempted it. But I’d known who he was then, and yeah, he was good looking, but not anything special enough for me to really take notice of. Not until we spoke for the first time anyway.

Cat: Jamie, other than the obvious, how has Ryan helped you become a better person?

Ellie same question.

Jamie: Mr. Optimism? Are you kidding? Ryan has done so much for me in helping me see the good in life—which believe me, I needed. He gives me courage and strength every day just by being there for me. He does wonders for my pessimism. And no one settles my temper the way he does.

Ellie: *snorts* Must be nice. I’m pretty sure Seth makes my temper worse.

Jamie: *laughs* From what I’ve heard about you, I’m not surprised.

Ellie: He does do wonders for my self-confidence, though. In the girl department, I mean. I’ve never been good at being a girl. I’ve never considered myself pretty, or the kind of girl boys want to date, but the way Seth treats me—

Cat: You mean how he worships the ground you walk on?

Ellie: *smirks* Basically, yeah. He makes me feel special. He’s helped me discover this whole other side of myself that I didn’t know existed. He also makes a good buffer between my sister and me, so there’s a lot more peace in my house.

Cat: One final question before the boys get back, what is one thing we don’t know about each of your guys?

Ellie: Seth is an amazing artist.

Cat: Really?

Ellie: It surprised me when I discovered it too. He loves to sketch. Mostly he just uses pencils, but his sketches are incredible. He spends so much time watching and studying people that he doesn’t just draw them well, he as a way of capturing their emotion. I learned this about him last Valentine’s Day when I found a picture of myself playing street hockey. He’d sketched it one afternoon while watching me play and then left it on my dresser with a vase of roses Valentine’s Day morning.

Jamie: Oh, how romantic!

Cat: Yeah, that’s so sweet. But then, we already knew Seth was a romantic guy. How about you, Jamie?

Jamie: Hmm… well… Ryan’s a pretty straightforward guy. There’s not really a lot about him that he doesn’t openly share. Oh, I know. He loves kids. He’s an only child like me, but he’s always wished he had brothers and sisters. He loves babies especially. He said he always wanted to babysit in high school but that was a “girl” thing to do, so he never did. I keep telling him he’d make an excellent kindergarten teacher. He’s never laughed at the idea. I think he might actually be considering going into elementary education.

Ellie: I could see that.

Cat: Definitely! Though, He’d be trouble for all those kinder moms. He’d never have a hard time getting classroom volunteers!

Jamie: *growling slightly* You mean I’d be trouble for those women. Trust me, they’d learn very quickly that my man is off limits.

*Ryan and Seth return with drinks*

Ryan: *grins* Threatening people again, babe?

Jamie: *grumbles* If you weren’t so loveable, I wouldn’t have to do it so often.

Everyone: *laughs*

Cat: Welcome back boys, girls your turn. Can y’all bring us some snacks, and Jamie no super speed or spying with your super hearing.

Jamie: *snorts as if there’s a fat chance she won’t*

Ryan: *also snorts as if there’s no way Jamie won’t listen in*

Cat: Ok guys, what were each of your first thoughts when you saw your girl?

Seth: Easy. That there is a God, and he doesn’t hate me.

Cat: *giggles* That’s an interesting thought. Care to explain?

Seth: My aunt moved us from our amazing house in Beverly Hills because she wanted to research what it was like to live in the suburbs. It was a major downgrade, and I was pissed about having to leave. But when I was checking out the crappy house I was supposed to live in, Ellie was across the street, doing her homework on her roof, eating ice cream and blaring Social Distortion. She was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen and she lived directly across the street. Suddenly the suburbs didn’t seem so bad.

Cat: Aww. Seth, you are so romantic. Ellie’s a lucky girl.

Seth: *laughs* You should tell her that.

Cat: I think she knows. Even if she’s too stubborn to admit it.

Ryan: Your girl is stubborn, huh? I feel your pain, man. It took me months to win Jamie’s heart, and it took me even longer to get her to admit it. But I always knew she’d be mine someday. The first time I ever saw her, it was her first day of school our junior year and my best friend put the moves on her. She shot him down faster than I’d ever seen anyone get rejected. I was shocked. I genuinely didn’t understand why she’d done it. She baffled me when usually girls were so easy to figure out. She was a mystery, and I knew from that very first day that I wanted to solve the mystery. I wanted to get to know Jamie Baker. I had to get to know her.

Cat: *sighs* You guys are seriously killing me. Can each of y’all tell the readers how your girl has made you a better person?

Ryan: *with a big cheesy grin* Jamie completes me.

Seth: *snorts*

Ryan: Seriously. Jamie is my better half. I was just breezing through life before she came along. It was great, but it was really bubblegum if that makes sense. I did what everyone expected of me, I was friends with everyone, got good grades, stayed out of trouble…but I never really did anything just for myself. I was letting life steer the car and I was simply along for the ride. When Jamie came into the picture, that changed in a major way. I’d never wanted anything so badly in my life, and since I had to work so hard to get it, everything has so much more meaning now. Jamie brings depth to my life. She gives it meaning. She’s literally my everything.

Seth: *looks at Cat* And you said I’m the romantic. I’m not really sure how to follow that speech.

Cat: I doubt you’ll have a problem.

Seth: Well…what can I say? Ellie does so much to make me a better person that I don’t even realize she’s doing it a lot of the time. I’m not exactly a normal guy, you know? I’ve been diagnosed with a personality disorder. I struggle a lot with my social skills and stuff like that. I’ve never had close friends because of it. I’ve never had any real relationships with anyone except my aunt. I freak people out. But Ellie loves me anyway, and she’s the kind of person that has no problem telling me when I’m stepping over a line or acting weird. She’s really helped me learn a lot about myself and overcome some of my flaws. She makes me stronger. I’ve been through a lot of trauma in my life, and Ellie makes it all okay. She gives me something to focus on other than the pain and nightmares of my past. She’s healed me. I owe her everything.

Cat: *sighs* See? No problem at all. Will y’all tell the readers one thing they don’t know about Ellie or Jamie? Something only y’all would know.

Seth: Hmm. Okay, you know how Ellie is so coordinated? Hand-eye coordination especially. She kills at video games and is so good at all sports—not just hockey. But for some reason she cannot play ping-pong. It drives her crazy that she can’t get it because she’s so competitive. She gets mad at me any time I ask her to play because she knows she can’t beat me. *grins* She can be a bit of an ungraceful loser, but she’s so adorable when she’s frustrated that I actually asked my aunt for a ping-pong table for Christmas so I’d have more opportunities to get her riled up.

Ryan: *laughs* Ha! If I ever tried something like that with Jamie, she’d end up burning the house down or something. As entertaining as my girl is, she’s a bit of a menace when she’s pissed off.

Cat: I can imagine. So what about you? What can you tell us about Jamie?

Ryan: *thinks for a long moment then snaps* Oh, I’ve got one! Jamie loves country music even though she’ll never admit it.

Jamie: *shouting from another room* I DO NOT! THAT IS A LIE!

Ryan: *nods his head* She totally does. She sings country songs all the time when she thinks no one is listening.

Jamie: *comes storming back into the room* He’s full of it. I don’t like country music. My mother listens to it. I can’t help it if the songs are so annoying they get stuck in my head!

Ryan: *grins* Whatever you say, babe. But, hey, it’s okay, Jamie. Country’s not so bad. You can like it if you want to.

Jamie: *rolls her eyes as she plops back down in her chair*

Cat: Hi girls. *waits as everyone settles in* What did y’all bring back?

Ellie: *tosses Cat a bag of Twizzlers after snagging a handful*

Jamie: *Opens a can of Sour Cream and Onion Pringles and passes it around*

Cat: Ellie and Seth, will the readers ever get another story from y’all?

Seth: I hope so. I plan to have many adventures with Ellie. I’m sure all of them would be novel worthy.

Ellie: *shakes her head* I don’t think so. Our last adventure nearly got me killed. And it hurt like a son-of-a-you-know-what. I’m all adventured out, thanks.

Cat: Ryan I gotta ask, you always seem so easy going but how do you really feel about Teddy?

Jamie: *laughs*

Ryan: *takes a deep breath and exhales slowly* I always believed that everyone had at least one good thing about them. I thought you could always find something positive about a person no matter how much you disliked them. *smiles and shrugs* Apparently I was wrong.

Ellie: *bursts into laughter* Nice. The guy sounds like Travis.

Cat: Jamie and Ryan, y’all left us with a doozy of a cliffhanger in More than Jamie Baker. Seriously it pretty much ripped my heart out. Can y’all give us any hints on what to expect in Remember Jamie Baker?

Jamie: Honestly, I have no idea what to expect. I mean where the heck was Kelly going with that plotline anyway? And why? Why would she do that? It was cruel! Not just for Ryan and me, but for all of the readers too.

Ryan: *slips his arm around Jamie’s shoulder and squeezes her tightly* Babe, settle down. You know Kelly tried her best to find a way to end it without a cliffhanger and just couldn’t manage it. And the first ending she had for us was even worse, if you remember correctly. So have a little faith. I trust Kelly. She hasn’t let us down so far. *grins at Cat* I’m not sure what Kelly has in store for us with Remember Jamie Baker, but I know it’s going to be awesome. Aside from Jamie, I know for a fact that Kelly happens to be my biggest fan. So I’m sure the book is going to have a plethora of awesome swoony Ryan-Miller-Steals-Your-Heart scenes. And come on, do you really think Kelly’s capable of finishing something without a happy ending? I mean, we’re talking about the woman who wrote Cinder & Ella for crying’ out loud. Whatever she has planned for us, I personally can’t wait!

Cat: Aw, I like your attitude Ryan. And I think you’re right. I’m sure whatever she comes up with will be great. Well unfortunately that’s all the time we have for today. *Gives everyone a hug* Is there anything y’all want to say to your fans or just in general before you leave?

Ellie: Can you pass the Pringles?

           

 

Meet Eleanor Westley!

Serial Hottie – Character Profile/Interview – Ellie Westley

Serial Hottie is available for $4.99 on Amazon or FREE with Kindle Unlimited.

Meet Ellie Westley

Name: Eleanor Elizabeth Westley. “Ellie” to my family. “Westley” to my friends.

Birthday: I turned 16 on good ol’ July 4th (lamest birthday ever.)

Interests: Hockey, video games, UFC, music, movies, ice cream, Seth Bishop, and hockey.

Canton High Sophomore Class Poll: Most likely to get tear gassed during a riot.

Vanilla or chocolate? Hmm… Chocolate. Unless the vanilla has lots of candy in it.

Edward or Jacob? I don’t see why anybody would prefer Sir Frowns-A-Lot to Jacob’s abs. My sister says I’d have to read the book to understand the whole “Team Edward” thing, but, yeah, like that’s gnonna happen.

Hockey or soccer? * snort * I’m insulted that you have to ask.

Ebook or paper? The closest I get to reading is the occasional comic book so, I guess, um… paper?

Salty or sweet? Sweet! I’m a sugarholic. The more processed the better. Ice cream, Twizzlers, Dr. Pepper, Little Debbies, and chocolate-peanut butter anything. Oh! And those cherry turnover things from Arby’s. Mmm.

Beach or mountains? I’ve never actually been to the mountains. In Michigan we have to ski on the old landfill. No joke. I bet skiing in the Rockies would be awesome though. Plus, the beach = water and swimsuits. Two things I’d rather have to stab myself in the eyeball with a fork than be involved with.

Phone call or email? Neither if I can help it. Anyone I need to talk to just shows up at my house or vice versa.

Early bird or night owl? Early bird. Awesome things that happen in the morning: cartoons, neighborhood street hockey games, and Seth’s uber-delicious workouts. Things that happen late at night: serial killers kidnap and stab you to death.

Dog or cat? Dog. The bigger and dumber the better.

Messy or neat? My room could be worse, despite what my mother says. But organization is definitely overrated.

Ninjas or pirates? Ninjas. DUH. 

Cast Picks for Serial Hottie

Serial Hottie – Cast Picks

I’ve never been one to “cast” the books I read. I always manage to make mental pictures of the characters, but I’ve never associated them with celebrities. However, for some reason I’ve always had a very specific person in mind to be my Seth since the day I thought up the idea for Serial Hottie. I couldn’t tell you why, but I just knew it was him…

Logan Lerman is my one and only Serial Hottie. He can be cute, charming, and likable… Plus he’s just so gosh darn pretty. And let’s face it, he could definitely do creepy psycho killer.

 

The rest of the cast was much harder. Especially Ellie. Do you know how hard it is to find “tomboy” type pictures of celebrities? Then add red hair to that, and limit yourself to teenagers? Plus you need the attitude as well. The only one I could think of was the really cute girl from the first Diary of a Wimpy Kid movie. I think Chloe Moretz is perfect for Ellie.

Cute right? I made my husband turn her hair red in photoshop for me. Hey, she could die it for the role.

For Ellie’s older sister Angela, I went with Bridgit Mendler. I love her! She can do hot and sassy and yet somehow still look nice.

For some reason when I really had to think about Dave, Zeke from High School Musical kept coming to mind. He’s bulked up a bit since then, but it still works. Chris Warren Jr. could definitely play the cool, athletic, laid-back nice guy!

Travis was probably the easiest for me. Someone hot with muscles that could play that cocky, dumb-jock, scary, d-bag type. Paul Wesley seemed an obvious choice. I’ve never seen the Vampire Diaries and didn’t realize he was in them until I googled pictures of him. I was thinking of his role as Lucas Luther on Smallville.

So there you have it. Kelly’s Serial Hottie dream cast. Now I’d LOVE to see all of your picks!

Ellie’s Top 10 Tips for Stalking Your Hot Neighbor

Serial Hottie – top ten list

Because why not?

 

 

Ellie’s Top 10 Tips for Stalking Your Hot Neighbor

10. Decorate a keepsake box and put stuff that reminds you of him in it. Pictures ofhim. Pencils he loaned you that you never returned… whatever you want.

9. Enlist a partner. You need someone who can run interference, keep a lookout, and stay up late obsessing with you.

8. If he has a sister, she is now your best friend.

7. Learn his schedule. School. Work. Sports games. Then find reasons to be in those places at the same time.

6. Dress to the occasion. If you’re following him secretly, wear a disguise. If you want him to notice you, learn his tastes and dress accordingly.

5. Join his extra curricular activities. He’s in the marching band? Learn the clarinet. He need’s a French tutor? Learn French.

4. The internet is your friend. Social networks, personal blogs, chat forums… Chances are he’s already helping you learn everything about his personal life.

3. Keep your camera phone ready at all times. You never know when you’ll need to snap a picture for evidence. (Or just one for your personal collection.)

2. Have an excuse ready. If he catches you someplace he thinks you shouldn’t be, (like in his garage going through his stuff…) you have to be ready to explain yourself.

And the #1 tip for stalking your hot neighbor:

If (and only if) you discover he is a psycho killer, call the cops and find a new crush!

I Have The Lamest Birthday Ever (Serial Hottie – Bonus short story)

Serial Hottie – Bonus short story

This is a fun essay Ellie wrote when she got detention for using inappropriate language in her English class last year. The assignment was to write a standard 5oo word five paragraph persuasive essay on a topic she felt strongly about. She got points for creativity. She didn’t get out of detention early.

I Have The Lamest Birthday Ever
An essay by Ellie Westley

There are a million, bazillion, gagillion reasons why it sucks to be born on the 4th of July. I know because I’ve been suffering from such a lame birthday for sixteen years now. Sixteen long years of craptastic birthdays. I could write a novel on this subject, however, since this essay is only supposed to be 500 words, I’ll only give you the top three reasons why July fourth is the lamest birthday ever.

The first reason why my birthday sucks is the obvious: it’s in the middle of the summer. This blows because your friends are never around. Not that I’d ever want to be one of those pathetic suckers that have to carry a giant heap of balloons around school all day, but when all of your friends are off on cool vacations or at hockey camp, you’re forced to celebrate your birthdays with people like your parents and older sister. LAME. Also, because it’s a holiday, it’s the same thing every year—dinner and fireworks. Yippee.

The next bit of proof—and much more horrific than the first—that being born on Independence Day sucks, is that in honor of our blessed nation’s birthday you get named after prominent US patriots or leaders. I was named after the 34th First Lady of the United States, Eleanor Roosevelt. While I am grateful my parents weren’t cruel enough to name me George Washington Westley, and being named after Betsy Ross would have sucked harder, Eleanor is still a complete grandma name. Not cool. Plus, my friends all know who I was named after and like to call me Eleanor Roosevelt because it pisses me off. For this reason, I learned how to throw a proper punch by the time I was six.

The last—and by far the worst—reason my birthday is stupid, is that for some reason people think that because it’s the Fourth of July it’s cool to use sparklers in place of candles on your birthday cake. This is so not true. Aside from the fact that they leave behind a funky taste on the frosting—which is my favorite part of the cake—you cannot blow them out. Ever. If you don’t blow out all the candles, your wish doesn’t come true. That’s the rule. Do you realize what this means? It means that for as long as I can remember I’ve been gypped out of my birthday wishes! I so call BS on that crap! I’d better get some freaking real candles this year—sixteen of them—or I’m going postal on the world. I need my freaking wishes!

As you can see, my lack of birthday wishes, total grandma name, and absentee friends are all proof of how much my birthday sucks. Therefore it is only logical that I come to this one simple conclusion: I have the lamest birthday ever.