Aaron Chynn's Blog
July 10, 2020
The Importance of having the Correct PPE
Throwing Down The Gauntlet
I don't know what it is but I seem to be able to attract the type of jobs that can only be regarded as involving shit. I think I need to enlighten............
My daughter and son-in-law (and assorted grandchildren) were becoming increasingly aware that the loo was not doing its business, and this had got to the stage where something had to be done.
Being the type of guys we are, generally we have a go at things, at least before we get into serious difficulty. So we decided we would dive in to the job without fear (or sense for that matter). So from our point of view it was a no brainer. The easy thing is normally to attack things from above in some way, so we set about things with the plunger.
It became clear quite quickly that our little plunger was not going sort things out, but luckily our local area still has a couple of plumbers shops and before long we had what can only be described as a big daft plunger. It was not long before we were back at the 'coal face' and attacking things with serious gusto once more with the toilet bowl.
“We are going to have to go at this with some serious force” I said as I encouraged Ian. Down came the plunger. There was a distant scream.
“I think we have moved something,” I said “give it another go.”
We did. This time the scream was unmistakeable, and disturbingly long.
“It moved” said Ian, “but it isn't going anywhere is it!” He was right, we were going to have to sort things from below.
To say that we had a struggle would be an understatement, the old building had been standing for some ninety years and it seems as if there had never been a reason to remove the manhole cover. Ian does not do 'giving up' however and with persuasion (and frankly brutality) the cover was off. “Have you noticed how dry it all is” I said, “it must have been building up for days....... maybe weeks”
We surveyed the opening. Main pipe was clearly blocked, only the two smaller pipes had any semblance of moisture in the manhole. Oddly, and with a great deal of lack of care on our part, we still had not worked out what a strange and partial set of pipe connections we had. We only had in mind the scary raging column that could potentially unleash above.
“We need some PPE, no way am I about to release this lot without some decent gloves on my arms” I moaned.
Quick as a flash, from a shed in the garden we managed to find some suitable gloves, nice long motorcycle gauntlets, the sort that would deflect a thunderstorm off your granddad's BSA Bantam on a wet February morning. We would, however, have to come back to what is meant by 'the degree of suitability' at some point later as events were about to take a somewhat different path.
Now laid on my back with my gauntlet up to my elbow I could see that there was more than problem.
Problem one was that there clearly was something very firmly stuck to the blocked pipe.
Problem two was that we had extracted a fair amount of poo using the plunger and there was absolutely nothing to show for it. In fairness though, as my cogs were slowly rolling around, I was in the process of figuring this one out.
Problem three and for that matter, four was that we now had a new audience. “Excuse me gents” the larger of the two policemen said, ”could I have a word?”
“Oh, hi there!” I said nonchalantly.
“There seems to be a bit of a problem, sir!”
Oh heck I, thought another problem. But to be honest, having already surveyed the larger of the pipes above, I knew we had a big problem, there, was a second connection point to the two upstairs buildings,and we had just found where the missing shit had gone!
“The young lady next door has told us that you have destroyed her bathroom, she says that you have created an explosion of effluence.” his lip began to quiver perceptibly, “listen”, he said as the quiver became a smirk, “I don't think that you have done anything deliberately, we could always wag a finger at this, so to speak, however”, he continued, “I will just have to do this first.”
Out came the dreaded coppers pocket book, oh heck I thought, here it comes. “Between me and you”, he said, ”We are currently being very carefully watched by the young lady in question, and you two are clearly wrong un's, so hear it is...... Name!”, He insisted, and I told him, he doodled in the margin. “Name!”, The process was repeated by Ian.
Yet another doodle, then tapped his pencil in a significant manner and turned to the taller of the two coppers, “Hooooo, heck, nnnniii for fx sake, Dave”, he said “We have got to go.”
Dave wasted no time. Before the patrol car was started up the cops were wiping their eyes.
“Strange thing to get upset about” I said to Ian.
I reached into the opening, clad with my trusty gauntlet once more and finally got enough pressure with a finger to push the blockage back up the pipe. “I think that what we have got is a toy car or something.” As I spoke, there was loud disturbing quack as things suddenly moved and between extracting the blockage and managing to move my finger out of the way, the manhole had filled almost to the brim with an assortment of evil goop. Then, almost as rapidly and with just a few gurgles the manhole emptied, leaving a plastic hinge off a toilet seat, which I had held on to for some reason, and the gauntlet which had now become sort of evil jelly mould perfectly filled from below my arm with a sort of brown mash which we had managed to stir into submission with a plunger.
“Whoo! That's manky” said Ian. He was right, it did not, have to be said. I ran with my arms outreached and partially backwards in a vain attempt to move faster than the ensuing pong, all the while making croaking noises as I ran, and with a final flourish I opened the outside tap and gave it full pelt. I kept my eyes and nose well clear as I purged the smell from my lungs.
“What did you mean by 'correct' PPE?” said Ian.
I said nothing.
I did wonder if Ian wanted the old gauntlet back.
I don't know what it is but I seem to be able to attract the type of jobs that can only be regarded as involving shit. I think I need to enlighten............
My daughter and son-in-law (and assorted grandchildren) were becoming increasingly aware that the loo was not doing its business, and this had got to the stage where something had to be done.
Being the type of guys we are, generally we have a go at things, at least before we get into serious difficulty. So we decided we would dive in to the job without fear (or sense for that matter). So from our point of view it was a no brainer. The easy thing is normally to attack things from above in some way, so we set about things with the plunger.
It became clear quite quickly that our little plunger was not going sort things out, but luckily our local area still has a couple of plumbers shops and before long we had what can only be described as a big daft plunger. It was not long before we were back at the 'coal face' and attacking things with serious gusto once more with the toilet bowl.
“We are going to have to go at this with some serious force” I said as I encouraged Ian. Down came the plunger. There was a distant scream.
“I think we have moved something,” I said “give it another go.”
We did. This time the scream was unmistakeable, and disturbingly long.
“It moved” said Ian, “but it isn't going anywhere is it!” He was right, we were going to have to sort things from below.
To say that we had a struggle would be an understatement, the old building had been standing for some ninety years and it seems as if there had never been a reason to remove the manhole cover. Ian does not do 'giving up' however and with persuasion (and frankly brutality) the cover was off. “Have you noticed how dry it all is” I said, “it must have been building up for days....... maybe weeks”
We surveyed the opening. Main pipe was clearly blocked, only the two smaller pipes had any semblance of moisture in the manhole. Oddly, and with a great deal of lack of care on our part, we still had not worked out what a strange and partial set of pipe connections we had. We only had in mind the scary raging column that could potentially unleash above.
“We need some PPE, no way am I about to release this lot without some decent gloves on my arms” I moaned.
Quick as a flash, from a shed in the garden we managed to find some suitable gloves, nice long motorcycle gauntlets, the sort that would deflect a thunderstorm off your granddad's BSA Bantam on a wet February morning. We would, however, have to come back to what is meant by 'the degree of suitability' at some point later as events were about to take a somewhat different path.
Now laid on my back with my gauntlet up to my elbow I could see that there was more than problem.
Problem one was that there clearly was something very firmly stuck to the blocked pipe.
Problem two was that we had extracted a fair amount of poo using the plunger and there was absolutely nothing to show for it. In fairness though, as my cogs were slowly rolling around, I was in the process of figuring this one out.
Problem three and for that matter, four was that we now had a new audience. “Excuse me gents” the larger of the two policemen said, ”could I have a word?”
“Oh, hi there!” I said nonchalantly.
“There seems to be a bit of a problem, sir!”
Oh heck I, thought another problem. But to be honest, having already surveyed the larger of the pipes above, I knew we had a big problem, there, was a second connection point to the two upstairs buildings,and we had just found where the missing shit had gone!
“The young lady next door has told us that you have destroyed her bathroom, she says that you have created an explosion of effluence.” his lip began to quiver perceptibly, “listen”, he said as the quiver became a smirk, “I don't think that you have done anything deliberately, we could always wag a finger at this, so to speak, however”, he continued, “I will just have to do this first.”
Out came the dreaded coppers pocket book, oh heck I thought, here it comes. “Between me and you”, he said, ”We are currently being very carefully watched by the young lady in question, and you two are clearly wrong un's, so hear it is...... Name!”, He insisted, and I told him, he doodled in the margin. “Name!”, The process was repeated by Ian.
Yet another doodle, then tapped his pencil in a significant manner and turned to the taller of the two coppers, “Hooooo, heck, nnnniii for fx sake, Dave”, he said “We have got to go.”
Dave wasted no time. Before the patrol car was started up the cops were wiping their eyes.
“Strange thing to get upset about” I said to Ian.
I reached into the opening, clad with my trusty gauntlet once more and finally got enough pressure with a finger to push the blockage back up the pipe. “I think that what we have got is a toy car or something.” As I spoke, there was loud disturbing quack as things suddenly moved and between extracting the blockage and managing to move my finger out of the way, the manhole had filled almost to the brim with an assortment of evil goop. Then, almost as rapidly and with just a few gurgles the manhole emptied, leaving a plastic hinge off a toilet seat, which I had held on to for some reason, and the gauntlet which had now become sort of evil jelly mould perfectly filled from below my arm with a sort of brown mash which we had managed to stir into submission with a plunger.
“Whoo! That's manky” said Ian. He was right, it did not, have to be said. I ran with my arms outreached and partially backwards in a vain attempt to move faster than the ensuing pong, all the while making croaking noises as I ran, and with a final flourish I opened the outside tap and gave it full pelt. I kept my eyes and nose well clear as I purged the smell from my lungs.
“What did you mean by 'correct' PPE?” said Ian.
I said nothing.
I did wonder if Ian wanted the old gauntlet back.
April 21, 2016
Retirement - Ha!
I am 64
I was asked the other day if I had thought about when I would retire.
I thought for a second and then, waving a hand generally around the office, said "When this lot stop amusing me and start humouring me instead".
I think that is a fair summation.
I was asked the other day if I had thought about when I would retire.
I thought for a second and then, waving a hand generally around the office, said "When this lot stop amusing me and start humouring me instead".
I think that is a fair summation.
December 22, 2015
Advent Candle
Ok - who the heck stole our Advent Candle......there we were, watching TV, next thing, someone has snook in while we were snoozing and there is no sign of it!
I shall be making serious enquiries!
I shall be making serious enquiries!
August 19, 2015
More from 1913
More Hints on Driving
Sorry about this, but there is something that sets little pictures running in my mind when I read this stuff....
More from 1913....'Hints on driving'
The following are good general rules for traffic:-
1. Observe the usual road rules and sound your horn if passing or overtaking another vehicle.
2. Be careful when passing a tram; passengers therein have an awkward habit of alighting and passing around the back.
3. Don't follow a tram too closely; their brakes are stronger than yours.
4. Beware of dogs; motoring is past their ken in the scheme of life.
5. Always give cyclists plenty of room; some are nervous.
6. Be careful and slow down at cross roads.
7. Turn into a road, or go around a corner, at slow speed, and on your right side.
8. If there be an opening and you must get through, dont hesitate, especially with trams.
I suppose we aught to make allowances, in those days if you had a car, you were a toff and the streets were full of annoying plebs who didn't have their own transport.
PS this is absolutely genuine!
Sorry about this, but there is something that sets little pictures running in my mind when I read this stuff....
More from 1913....'Hints on driving'
The following are good general rules for traffic:-
1. Observe the usual road rules and sound your horn if passing or overtaking another vehicle.
2. Be careful when passing a tram; passengers therein have an awkward habit of alighting and passing around the back.
3. Don't follow a tram too closely; their brakes are stronger than yours.
4. Beware of dogs; motoring is past their ken in the scheme of life.
5. Always give cyclists plenty of room; some are nervous.
6. Be careful and slow down at cross roads.
7. Turn into a road, or go around a corner, at slow speed, and on your right side.
8. If there be an opening and you must get through, dont hesitate, especially with trams.
I suppose we aught to make allowances, in those days if you had a car, you were a toff and the streets were full of annoying plebs who didn't have their own transport.
PS this is absolutely genuine!
August 6, 2015
Hints on driving ....1913
Back in 1913, driving tests were not even thought about. Still you could find useful instruction on how to go on from useful chapters such as this from the Motor Mechanics Handbook.............
For Open Country:
1. Take corners on your right side, and slowly.
2. Don't tear downhill; a herd of cattle may be at the point of crossing at the bottom.
3. If you meet grease in the guttering, don't suddenly turn out, you may turn over or break a wheel; take it gently.
4. Observe all road signs.
5. Remember, it is you, as a motorist, who must observe the rule of the road; others may if they like.
6. If the roads are narrow and winding and the hedges high, special caution is necessary.
7. Slow down for cattle and sheep; fowls can generally take care of themselves.
8. Give led or ridden horses a wide berth; they sometimes turn round to see who is coming, or going.
9. Never drive in the dark on open roads by guiding yourself by the telegraph poles; sometimes these cross over and the road does not.
10. If there be dust ahead, go slowly; troops of sheep often give a misleading indication of a fast car ahead.
11. Don't pass another car unless the road is well clear ahead.
12. If there be mist, tie a lamp to you running board, and drive from the hedge or kerb, going dead slow.
13. If you skid, release your brake and re-apply. If your front wheels skid there is no remedy.
14. If a smash is inevitable take out your clutch and duck your head.
15. Never let a hare or rabbit detract your attention from the road.
I have given No.9 a great deal of thought and my head is in danger of exploding!
Hint No.12 may be useful on the M11 on a misty evening at rush hour.
EEEEE, them were the days!
For Open Country:
1. Take corners on your right side, and slowly.
2. Don't tear downhill; a herd of cattle may be at the point of crossing at the bottom.
3. If you meet grease in the guttering, don't suddenly turn out, you may turn over or break a wheel; take it gently.
4. Observe all road signs.
5. Remember, it is you, as a motorist, who must observe the rule of the road; others may if they like.
6. If the roads are narrow and winding and the hedges high, special caution is necessary.
7. Slow down for cattle and sheep; fowls can generally take care of themselves.
8. Give led or ridden horses a wide berth; they sometimes turn round to see who is coming, or going.
9. Never drive in the dark on open roads by guiding yourself by the telegraph poles; sometimes these cross over and the road does not.
10. If there be dust ahead, go slowly; troops of sheep often give a misleading indication of a fast car ahead.
11. Don't pass another car unless the road is well clear ahead.
12. If there be mist, tie a lamp to you running board, and drive from the hedge or kerb, going dead slow.
13. If you skid, release your brake and re-apply. If your front wheels skid there is no remedy.
14. If a smash is inevitable take out your clutch and duck your head.
15. Never let a hare or rabbit detract your attention from the road.
I have given No.9 a great deal of thought and my head is in danger of exploding!
Hint No.12 may be useful on the M11 on a misty evening at rush hour.
EEEEE, them were the days!
July 9, 2015
Zombie
Well, that is it! I am officially bionic, a flatliner, a zombie, one of the returned! And also one very lucky bugger!
I seem to have suddenly developed third degree heart block! [This by the way is not a heart attack.]
What this means is that the signals to fire off my hitherto [pretty much anyway] reliable pump are either getting lost on their way across the muscle, or are too weak by the time they get there, or possibly they are prodding the wrong thing altogether, or just maybe they couldn't be arsed and have buggered off to the equivalent of a Pub for electrical signals.
When I say I am a lucky bugger, I seem to have survived three attacks of Sudden Cardiac Arrest.
[in words of one syllable, my heart stopped.]....is stopped one syllable or two? Unfortunately, since I have a firm belief that good luck comes in bunches of three, then I am not going to win the lottery this weekend, and I am going to have to make my own luck.
So if anyone wants to know what it feels like to die, or my secrets of the afterlife, eg.. did I have an out of body experience, or see a long stairway, pearly gates etc etc, I shall be putting the info up for sale on E-Bay, [I have to make a buck or two somehow] after all by time I got to flatline number three I was well aware what was happening and that it was not just a funny turn, so I thought that I had better take notice!.... my attempts to write things down as they were happening were however, a bit of a failure.
I thought that I had better do a bit of research on the Internet...It was not a great consolation, I just have to hope that there are a good set of batteries [Duracell at least!] in the pacemaker. Best thing I found is this....
You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it.
Bill Cosby
I seem to have suddenly developed third degree heart block! [This by the way is not a heart attack.]
What this means is that the signals to fire off my hitherto [pretty much anyway] reliable pump are either getting lost on their way across the muscle, or are too weak by the time they get there, or possibly they are prodding the wrong thing altogether, or just maybe they couldn't be arsed and have buggered off to the equivalent of a Pub for electrical signals.
When I say I am a lucky bugger, I seem to have survived three attacks of Sudden Cardiac Arrest.
[in words of one syllable, my heart stopped.]....is stopped one syllable or two? Unfortunately, since I have a firm belief that good luck comes in bunches of three, then I am not going to win the lottery this weekend, and I am going to have to make my own luck.
So if anyone wants to know what it feels like to die, or my secrets of the afterlife, eg.. did I have an out of body experience, or see a long stairway, pearly gates etc etc, I shall be putting the info up for sale on E-Bay, [I have to make a buck or two somehow] after all by time I got to flatline number three I was well aware what was happening and that it was not just a funny turn, so I thought that I had better take notice!.... my attempts to write things down as they were happening were however, a bit of a failure.
I thought that I had better do a bit of research on the Internet...It was not a great consolation, I just have to hope that there are a good set of batteries [Duracell at least!] in the pacemaker. Best thing I found is this....
You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it.
Bill Cosby
April 29, 2015
Waking Meg
Waking Meg
Arise, fair maid, for 'tis after the time of fourteen calls of the cuckoo and we must venture forth. We must travel beyond the great river to a mysterious clearing where you will find many great chariots. One of these chariots is for your use. You must take great care that the one you take is yours, as selecting the wrong chariot will cause you great distress. You will be able to identify yours by the symbol 33A upon it. It is a great and powerful chariot that will take you beyond the great hill to the place where the keepers of children reside. Here you will be treated kindly, yet as a slave, held captive for many hours without payment or reward. Many of those under you will act as the devil's children, you must use this experience to strengthen your will...............................................
Meg! wake up! it's after seven! you are gonna miss your bus and be late for placement at the nursery!
Arise, fair maid, for 'tis after the time of fourteen calls of the cuckoo and we must venture forth. We must travel beyond the great river to a mysterious clearing where you will find many great chariots. One of these chariots is for your use. You must take great care that the one you take is yours, as selecting the wrong chariot will cause you great distress. You will be able to identify yours by the symbol 33A upon it. It is a great and powerful chariot that will take you beyond the great hill to the place where the keepers of children reside. Here you will be treated kindly, yet as a slave, held captive for many hours without payment or reward. Many of those under you will act as the devil's children, you must use this experience to strengthen your will...............................................
Meg! wake up! it's after seven! you are gonna miss your bus and be late for placement at the nursery!
April 9, 2015
Bully Boy Cars
Round our way there seems to be an increasing number of what can only be described as 'bully boy cars'.............................
Invariably these things are about half as large again in all directions as a normal car, with wheels as large as a truck, with the result that they are often driven down the middle of the road. This is particularly noticeable on narrow country lanes. They are NEVER driven anywhere near the side of the road and God forbid that they might have to use their nice nobbly tyres on the grass verge!
The four wheel drive system that these units possess can therefore only be for one thing........It has to be so these things can more easily scale normal cars should they come into contact with the type of thing that a pleb would drive. This can of course also happen if you are approached from behind, since the speed that these units travel at also seems to be scaled up by 50%. And I wonder whether I am still in the drivers field of vision when I am being tailgated by one of these beasts with it's 'permanently on' headlights shining directly into my rear view mirror. It is just possible that the reason I am being followed so closely is that the driver does not know that there is anything down there.
Invariably these things are about half as large again in all directions as a normal car, with wheels as large as a truck, with the result that they are often driven down the middle of the road. This is particularly noticeable on narrow country lanes. They are NEVER driven anywhere near the side of the road and God forbid that they might have to use their nice nobbly tyres on the grass verge!
The four wheel drive system that these units possess can therefore only be for one thing........It has to be so these things can more easily scale normal cars should they come into contact with the type of thing that a pleb would drive. This can of course also happen if you are approached from behind, since the speed that these units travel at also seems to be scaled up by 50%. And I wonder whether I am still in the drivers field of vision when I am being tailgated by one of these beasts with it's 'permanently on' headlights shining directly into my rear view mirror. It is just possible that the reason I am being followed so closely is that the driver does not know that there is anything down there.
March 18, 2015
A bad throw
I became aware of a cat sitting by the pond in our garden. He or she was clearly watching the fish as they went past. I decided that he required moving along, so I hatched a half witted plan. The thing to do was to get some wood from the woodpile and throw it. The thing I forgot was that I am the world's worst thrower of anything.
I should have remembered.... There was a works cricket match. I was persuaded to bowl. I think that everyone was in shock when the first ball became embedded in the pitch two yards in front of where I stood, the next went off to the left, then the right. You see, the middle finger of my right hand has a condition known as trigger finger, basically IT decides when to release the ball....
Then there was the kong tree....the tree next to the footpath where we walk the dogs in which a large number of the 'balls on ropes' hung like unusual fruit. Oh! and that occasion when I threw one of the kongs and it went straight up in the air, an inordinately long distance up I have to say, only for me to be struck dumb as the missile decided it would strike a direct hit in the middle of Tim's bald head.
As the piece of wood left my hand it immediately became apparent that the idea of throwing in the direction of the cat was not about to happen, nor was it going anywhere near the pond. It was however making a bee line for the shed, where it punched a neat hole in the window. The loud bang was enough to attract the attention of the cat, which let out a wail and jumped from his perch. By the time he had 'run' the full length of the pond, he was looking slightly bedraggled and covered in pond yuk and duckweed.
If it was your cat, I am sorry for the state it ended up in, but it did brighten up my day!
I should have remembered.... There was a works cricket match. I was persuaded to bowl. I think that everyone was in shock when the first ball became embedded in the pitch two yards in front of where I stood, the next went off to the left, then the right. You see, the middle finger of my right hand has a condition known as trigger finger, basically IT decides when to release the ball....
Then there was the kong tree....the tree next to the footpath where we walk the dogs in which a large number of the 'balls on ropes' hung like unusual fruit. Oh! and that occasion when I threw one of the kongs and it went straight up in the air, an inordinately long distance up I have to say, only for me to be struck dumb as the missile decided it would strike a direct hit in the middle of Tim's bald head.
As the piece of wood left my hand it immediately became apparent that the idea of throwing in the direction of the cat was not about to happen, nor was it going anywhere near the pond. It was however making a bee line for the shed, where it punched a neat hole in the window. The loud bang was enough to attract the attention of the cat, which let out a wail and jumped from his perch. By the time he had 'run' the full length of the pond, he was looking slightly bedraggled and covered in pond yuk and duckweed.
If it was your cat, I am sorry for the state it ended up in, but it did brighten up my day!
February 22, 2015
Typists
One thing I am absolutely sure of is that I am a long way from being the worlds fastest typist.....I have come to the conclusion that I have far too many fingers to type efficiently.
