Caleb J. Ross's Blog, page 44
September 5, 2013
August 19, 2013
Metroid as a Stand-In for Fatherhood OR Asshole Father Gives 10-Year-Old Son Metroid for the NES
Nintendo games have been an important part of my life for as long as I can remember, and truly became integral around the age of 10 when my father, 5 years post-divorce, sent an NES console and the game Metroid to me for my birthday. That system was my best friend until a few years later when my mother upgraded me to a Super Nintendo (selling the NES to help pay for it). Recently, during a weak moment of nostalgia, I purchased a used NES console and Metroid on eBay.
The transaction initiated a question I wasn’t expecting to answer: are video games and my father inextricably linked in my mind?
I explore this idea in my new, and sadly final, post at Manarchy Magazine. It’s been a wonderful trip, and the absence of Manarchy will surely leave an unfillable hole in the internet. Don’t worry though, the Manarchy staff will surely come together again for something amazing. Keep your eyes out.
Read the final article here, “Metroid as a Stand-In for Fatherhood OR Asshole Father Gives 10-Year-Old Son Metroid for the NES”
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August 7, 2013
Author Seeks Publisher for Romantic Relationship. Handcuffs optional.
Me: Author of 5 books of fiction, creator of funny video content, Twitter following cultivator, YouTube personality, crowd pleaser, book seller, and proponent of the Oxford comma.
You: Publisher looking for an author who knows all about platform building, book selling, and people pleasing. Dollar signs turn you on. Command of the English language turns you on more.
Lovely to meet you, publisher. Up front, I must admit to a bit of a situation. My publisher and I recently separated. Please, don’t assume this split is indicative of our relationship. We had a lovely relationship, actually. Unfortunately, due to matters beyond our control, the publisher has closed its doors completely. As of September 12, 2013 I am officially single.
This leaves my novel, I Didn’t Mean to be Kevin, unattached as well. Thus, this literary courtship.
I know, you’re wondering, “why should I take a chance with you?” It’s a fair question. Allow me a few lines of ego with which to highlight the value I bring to this burgeoning relationship.
How important is your career?
Very:
2,300+ copies (eBook and print combined) of I Didn’t Mean to be Kevin moved since original publication
Authored 4 additional books of fiction, including the novel Stranger Will and the short story chapbook Charactered Pieces: stories (full list)
40+ stories and non-fiction articles published online and in print (full list)
20+ interviews with and articles about me published online and in print (full list)
Bachelor of Arts, English Literature with a focus on Contemporary American literature and the American short story from Emporia State University. Minor in Creative Writing with a focus on Fiction, postmodernism, and metafiction.
I don’t want to bore you on this first date, so please have a look at my Wikipedia page for a full list of publication credits.
What about family?
I’ve got quite an extensive family. I hope you have a big Christmas budget.
I manage, and have cultivated the audiences, for each of the following social profile accounts:
@calebjross – 6,105 followers
@AWPtweets – 4,631 followers
@TheVelvet - 1,855 followers
@NoirLiterature – 1,431 followers
Again, where are my manners? I’m going on and on. See my platform building page for a nauseatingly detailed list of my platform building initiatives.
Do you have friends?
I’m embarrassed by all the kind people in my life. Please, meet some of these kind individuals:
This could be yours. No prenup required.
“Brilliant…one of the most amazing fiction concepts I’ve ever read.”
Rayo Casablanca, author of 6 Sick Hipsters and Very Mercenary re: I Didn’t Mean to be Kevin
“In I Didn’t Mean to Be Kevin, Caleb J. Ross writes fearlessly, never shying away from the wild, insane places where his fertile imagination leads him.”
Joey Goebel, author of Commonwealth and Torture the Artist re: I Didn’t Mean to be Kevin
“A stirring novel, this extraordinary work plays upon the reader’s willingness to suspend disbelief and turns it on its ear… Covering ground similar to the works of Sherman Alexie and Chuck Palahniuk, this is an author worth keeping an eye on.”
Publisher’s Weekly re: I Didn’t Mean to be Kevin
“Here’s hoping some of that mainstream audience can pull their heads out of their asses long enough to read Ross, and then be gloriously horrified.”
Paul Tremblay, author of The Little Sleep and No Sleep Til Wonderland re: I Didn’t Mean to be Kevin
“With As a Machine and Parts Caleb J. Ross continues to stake his claim as his generation’s Watcher.”
Ben Tanzer, author of You Can Make Him Like You and My Father’s House re: As a Machine and Parts
“This is an original—unlike anything you’ve ever read before.”
Rob Roberge, author of More than They Could Chew and The Cost of Living re: Stranger Will
“Just like a Palahniuk novel, Stranger Will reads volatile: it could go any way. Caleb J. Ross leads you with a wry smile into dark places, but by the time you realize it’s too late. You will follow him anywhere.”
Alan Emmins, author of Mop Men: Inside the World of Crime Scene Cleaners re: Stranger Will
“Evoking a novel by Chuck Palahniuk or a film by Darren Aronofsky, Charactered Pieces is a multifarious patchwork of despair. From the misshapen protagonist of the title story to the gruesome climax of “The Camel of Morocco,” this collection is among the most profound and disturbing artifacts of our time.”
Daniel Casebeer, editor of Pear Noir! re: Charactered Pieces
“These stories change you, and not just a little bit. Try to forget them, tell yourself they’re not true, but it’s no use. Whether you want them to or not, they’re going with you.”
Stephen Graham Jones, author of Demon Theory and Ledfeather re: Charactered Pieces
All I ask, publisher, is for just one date to prove myself. If anything, at least it’s a guaranteed free meal, right? Contact me via the Contact Page.
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July 22, 2013
A collection of stories by some of the most talented new and established writers. You need to buy this one.
July 22nd, the release of the long awaited The Booked. Anthology, compiled by the minds behind The Booked Podcast. Consider this collection a primer for the names you’ll need to know if you plan on being cool at any dark, alt-literature party. Also, if you know of any dark, alt-lit parties happening let me know. As far as I know they are Sasquatch-level myth.
We’re talking stories from Chris Deal, Christopher J. Dwyer, Michael Paul Gonzalez, Amanda Gowin, Seth Harwood, Gordon Highland, David James Keaton, Nik Korpon, Axel Taiari, Paul Tremblay, Fred Venturini, Craig Wallwork, and many more . And even more amazing, ALL of these stories are NEVER BEFORE SEEN. That’s right. Nothing previously published. You’re getting the new shit this time.
Click over to the The Booked. Anthology page for a full list of contributors along with a variety of purchase options. Or, go straight to Amazon, because let’s face it, that’s where you’re going anyway.
And because you’re reading this from my blog, chances are you’re at least partially interested in my story in the collection, “The Removal Kind.” It’s a story about an illegal transaction gone wrong. And like most of my typical domestic grotesque stories it involves a family and something really, really creepy. Also, it’s probably going to be a chapter in a longer novella or novel sometime, so read it now and be extra hipster cool at those fictitious dark, alt-lit parties.
Subscribe to my amazing, hilarious YouTube channel. Just click the button below.
Consider sharing this post on Facebook, Twitter, and Google+. Think of it as a way to tell a friend “I’m thinking of you.”
The post A collection of stories by some of the most talented new and established writers. You need to buy this one. appeared first on Caleb J Ross The World's First Author Blog. If you are reading this post anywhere else, please return to the original source when sharing.
July 17, 2013
James M. Cain’s “Pastorale” vs. Chuck Palahniuk’s “Guts”
A few nights ago, when reading the James M. Cain short story “Pastorale,” I was struck by a scene that seemed very Chuck Palahniuk-ian[1]. A dead man is pulled out of a frozen lake; the man fell through the thin ice atop the lake when trying to retrieve the severed head of a man he helped kill earlier in the story.
But unlike a Chuck Palahniuk story, “Pastorale” kept going. The shock was not the climax.
I’m not sure why I immediately forced a comparison to Chuck Palahniuk. The writers, and their work, are completely different. I suppose the use of shock, which I consider a very Palahniuk thing, was used in “Pastorale” in a way that I wasn’t ready for.
It’s important to state up front that I love Chuck Palahniuk’s writing. I’ll read every novel he writes, even if they continue to be as bad as his last few. This post isn’t a condemnation of his writing, but rather a critique of his storytelling by way of comparison to the author of, what some have called, one of the best novels of all time.
For a shocking image to resonate beyond the original ick value the story context, specifically the characters within the story, must be able to exist beyond the shock. Yes, the image of the frozen man/severed head in “Pastorale” has inherent potency, but the story around it beautifully builds to the image, and more importantly continues on afterwards without the reader ever feeling like he is simply enduring an unnecessary, extended denouement.
By contrast, a Chuck Palahniuk story is, well, Palahniuk-ian, partly because the shock value plays such an important role in the overall experience. Again, that’s why I love him. But when it comes to straight storytelling, with characters a reader is meant to empathize with, Palahniuk has nothing on Cain[2].
Let’s compare the context-supported icy severed head image in “Pastorale” with what is perhaps the most well-known Palahniuk story, “Guts.” Like “Pastorale,” “Guts” contains a very shocking image, so shocking that it has caused more than 60 people to faint. That image: a boy forced to chew through his intestine to avoid drowning in a swimming pool.
The intestine boy image is supported not by the character of the boy himself, but rather by a series of unfortunate events that leads up to the image. Palahniuk’s trademark rhythm of minimalist, straightforward commentary underscored by poignant observations contributes significantly to the experience. Take this example:
Knotted inside the snake, you can see corn and peanuts. You can see a long bright-orange ball. It’s the kind of horse-pill vitamin my dad makes me take, to help put on weight. To get a football scholarship. With extra iron and omega-3 fatty acids.
It’s seeing that vitamin pill that saves my life.
It’s not a snake. It’s my large intestine, my colon pulled out of me. What doctors call “prolapsed.” It’s my guts sucked into the drain [Guts, pg 18]
This is this literary version of that horror movie cliché. What’s that noise?…Oh, it’s just the cat…[villain suddenly appears]…STAB! Nobody cares who the victim is. Likewise, nobody cares about the identity of the boy getting his intestines sucked out by a pool filter. We want to see blood. We want to see undigested corn kernels.
“Pastorale,” by contrast hinges around a man and a woman’s illicit affair and the somewhat mentally deficient accomplice, Burbie. See how I described that? It’s possible to describe the story without even mentioning the severed head. To describe “Guts,” however, requires a mention of underwater organ gnawing.
To be fair, perhaps Palahniuk’s intention all along was to simply be shocking. Perhaps he’s not as concerned with crafting a character the reader cares about (and hasn’t been since Diary). Perhaps narrative arc isn’t a primary concern. I respect that for what it is. Here’s proof:
I’m not immune to the lure of shock. In fact, I leverage the inherent power to shocking imagery in most of my work. My goal isn’t to leave a reader with only the sense of shock. My goal is to make the story itself so compelling that the shocking image can almost be forgotten. Check out my work. Spend just a few small dollars to read one of my books. Then tell me in the comments how dumb I am. Click over to my novels page to read more about what I write.
Or, bypass my novels page and head straight to my Amazon.com author page to buy one of my novels. Might I recommend Stranger Will, As a Machine and Parts, or I Didn’t Mean to be Kevin?
[1] Yes, I know that Palahniuk came way after James M. Cain. Still, the scene reminded me of Palahniuk.
[2] I haven’t read every Cain story. I have read almost every Palahniuk story. If there are some shitty Cain stories out there, let me know.
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July 11, 2013
Banging the Berlin Wall
You probably don’t know this, because I rarely talk about it here on this blog, but my novella As a Machine and Parts has been re-released. You probably also don’t know that bitches be crazy.
Case in point: Eija-Riitta Berliner-Mauer loves the Berlin wall. And I don’t mean loves as it respects it because it represents Cold War oppression (which would be a weird thing to respect, I agree). I mean loves as in wants to fuck it because it represents Cold War oppression.
Meet the Cold War kids, sons of Mr. and Mrs. Berlin Wall
To be fair, I don’t know if that’s why she loves the wall. Maybe she’s a WWII era East Germany sympathizer. Maybe she’s a synesthete who associates the rough texture of concrete with her father’s hug. But again, of course, let’s not rule out that she’s possibly an aforementioned bitch who be aforedescribed crazy.
No matter what issues she has, the relationship between a person and a non-organic object is something I write about in my book As a Machine and Parts, and something I write about here, on my blog. I hope you’re a synesthete who associates my book with awesome. You should buy it. It’s funny.
Ick! I’ve Bin Enside Her
So this Eija-Riitta Berliner-Mauer has been married to the Berlin Wall for over 30 years, which means if you’re doing the math that Mrs. Berliner-Mauer was involved with the wall when it was torn down in 1989. If it’s not already obvious that her priorities are a tad misaligned, her reaction to the wall’s destruction should cement that observation. Rather than join the world in collective celebration, the widow-in-making declared instead “What they did was awful. They mutilated my husband,” marking the first time in the history of Schadenfreude that German husband mutilation resulted in legitimate, unqualified sadness.
I now pronounce you man and disappointed in-laws.
After the non-organic wall’s demolition Eija-Riitta turned to something truly crazy: smaller non-organic wall love. What! Gross, lady.
Mrs. Berliner-Mauer keeps a model miniature depicting the former glory of her fallen husband. It’s the same way some women marry Hitler action figures except that in the case of the mini-Hitlers that never ever actually happened and would definitely be frowned upon by every person capable of frowning.
Does this count as a dildo?
This isn’t the first time the Berlin Wall has caught the eye of an under-medicated woman. Erika Eiffel, who later traded up to the Eiffel Tower, once dated the Berlin Wall. Her reason for their break-up: The Wall just couldn’t divide her East and her West like it used to. At least that’s what I imagine the reason being. In truth, it was probably just an extension Erika Eiffel’s crazy college years, experimenting with the female Eiffel Tower after having been disappointed by the male Berlin Wall.
Stayed tuned to this blog for the next installment in this series of posts that I wanted to call “Humping the Berlin Wall and Other Primitive Techniques for a Hairless Vagina,” but I’m a man, so I don’t know much about vaginas. Rather, I forgo an official name for the series and instead just tell you to get my book, As a Machine and Parts. There’s isn’t any Hitler humping in the book, but I agree, there should be.
Click to buy this book.
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