Mindi Scott's Blog, page 6

Blog: First-Draft Hell

There are writers out there who love to create first drafts and who hate to revise their work.

I am not one of those writers.

I am the exact opposite of those writers.

The first draft of almost every scene that I write is painful to me*. It doesn't come out how I want it to. I read it back to myself and think, "Bleh. This is terrible. So terrible. I hate, hate, hate, hate this!"

So I rework it. And I rework it. And I rework it some more. Sometimes--most times--I work on a scene for about three days before I'm finally, truly happy with it. (Sadly, there have been some extremely frustrating scenes that have taken me up to three weeks before the hatred for my written words has ended.)  However long it takes, though, when I get to the point where I'm satisfied and happy, I move on to the next scene and begin the process again. It looks a lot like this:

Oh, how I hate this! ---> Hmmm. I guess I hate it less now ---> It's getting better ---> I think I'm on the right track ---> I'm in the groove for sure now ---> Almost ready to call it done? ---> Yes! I love it! I love this book! I love writing! Time to start my next new scene! This is going to be so great!--->  Oh, how I hate this. . .

(FYI: I'm not saying this is The Right Way to Write. In fact, I think there are a good many arguments why one should not revise one single scene for days on end. This process is probably very bad for me. But I do get super polished work out of it!)

So as you might know, I have a second novel contracted. As you might not know, the entire novel is not yet written. My agent sold the proposal based upon a twenty-page outline as well as the first 50 polished pages. My job now is write all of the remaining scenes in the outline and turn in a first draft by June 1st.

What does this mean? Well, I have to write a scene and quickly move on to the next. I can't spend three days (and certainly not three weeks) polishing because my editor doesn't want half of a super-polished manuscript.  She wants a full first draft.

It also means, that I am in First-Draft Hell right now. Writing a scene and moving on to the next does not bring me to the point where I experience joy in my work. Not ever. Everyone keeps reminding me that I have time. I will have the opportunity to go back to every single of these misery-making scenes and improve them. I know that this is true. I know that having an imperfect full draft is necessary so that my editor and I can make big-picture changes and get things rolling. I know that I CANNOT allow myself to revise until the full first draft is DONE.

According to my outline, I have ten scenes left. I am SO counting them down. Because when they are done, First Draft Hell will officially end and I will finally be able to revise. I have a feeling that I will cry with relief when I finally get to that point.

*There are exceptions. The scenes that other people expect to be hard to write where my narrators experience pain and misery usually come out close to perfect on the first draft. True story.

Blog: Freefall has been out for 6 months. So . . . FAQ time!

I tried to think of something fun I could do to mark the six-month anniversary of Freefall's release date. Last month, Denise Jaden (author of Losing Faith) did a really excellent post about her expectations before getting published, her realizations at the time of publication, and how she feels about everything now. I thought about stealing that idea for my own blog, but I discovered that my answers are almost identical. So if you want to know how I feel, you should read her post instead!

I've decided instead to answer some of the most frequent reader questions that have come up regarding Why the Author Made Certain Decisions in Telling Seth McCoy's Story. And I know, I know. Just like A.J. from Empire Records said, I don't need to explain my art to you. But I thought it might be fun for some for you if I did!

There are spoilers GALORE below. I made some of the text invisible so I wouldn't give away everything right out in the open. Highlight those blank-looking sections between the <<<<< and >>>>> to view the gaps. (It's kind of awkward, but I don't have the skills to set it up a better way.) Oh, and if you haven't read Freefall yet and are planning to do so, I suggest you hold off on reading further for now. Okay? Okay!


Frequently Asked Questions about Freefall by Mindi Scott
Question #1:  Why isn't there more about Isaac in this book? I mean, there's a whole paragraph about him on the back cover. Why didn't you start the story on the night he died?

Answer #1:  During the course of about six months, I wrote probably about fifteen or so different first chapters for this book. There were a couple of versions that did include Isaac. I didn't like them because <<<<<I felt that they made Seth and Isaac look like jerks. I mean, they were two drunk guys being obnoxious! I honestly feel that showing Isaac alive and in action would have decreased the  sympathy readers might have had for Seth and for Kendall because then they would have been able to see for themselves from the very start that Isaac wasn't Mr. Awesome. They might have gotten frustrated and wondered why Seth and Kendall didn't see that they were better off without Isaac around to drag them down.>>>>>


Question #2: Well, okay. Maybe you didn't need to start the book with him being alive. But couldn't you have at least included flashbacks?

Answer #2: Actually, I am not a huge fan of writing flashbacks. I've seen some authors use them really effectively and I've loved some books that have been set up with a definite pattern of scenes going back and forth between the past to present day. That isn't the style of book I wanted to write this time. Definitely someday, though!  And also? To me, who Isaac was isn't what this story is about at all. It's about who Seth is going to be without Isaac.


Question #3: Wow. You really don't have a good opinion of Isaac, do you?

Answer #3:  I'm not going to lie (even though I probably should); <<<<<Isaac is my least favorite character from the Freefall world. Which is weird, yes, since he doesn't appear in a single scene. I didn't always feel this way about him, but when I was working on my last round of revisions for my editor, I started having some serious Isaac-inspired frustration. I had a bit of a crisis over why I'd written a book where Seth and Kendall spend so much time grieving and feeling guilty over this guy. Was he really worth it? What did they see in him? It was Mandy Hubbard, actually, who'd critiqued the draft and reminded me of the loyalty angle. I then included a conversation with Seth and Kendall about Isaac's loyalty and fearlessness. They definitely needed to have that talk for themselves, but it was important for me to write because I needed those answers, too.>>>>>

Question #4: Why was it so easy for Seth to <<<<<quit drinking>>>>>?

Answer #4: I don't agree that it was easy. <<<<<He mentioned for several days the physical effects that quitting alcohol was having on his body. (Which were rough, but so was what was going on with him before with all the binging.) He also essentially gave up his friends, his band, his usual hangouts, and his chance to go on tour, in large part, so that he could stay away from alcohol. And when things got hard near the end, the first thing he did was go to the river and get wasted because he didn't want to cope with what he was feeling. So I wouldn't say that it was easy or that he FOR SURE has this licked even when the last page comes around, you know?

I will say, too, that when this manuscript originally sold, there actually was a bigger focus on Seth's sobriety. There were little lines here and there that showed how not drinking turned into something of a preoccupation for him. The reason I cut those parts is because my editor felt that with his upbringing and the way alcohol has been integrated into his life for his entire life that he wouldn't have the tools to think of it in those terms or to value sobriety in that way. It was a moral code that would have been alien to him and it didn't make sense that he would just come up with it on his own when he'd never been around anyone who would guide him toward that. I don't disagree with her and I don't regret making the changes. I totally believe that everything I wanted to show is there underneath it all even though Seth isn't overtly focusing on "staying sober" and "not failing."  >>>>>


Question #5: Why didn't we get to see Rosetta get over her phobia by the end of the book?

Answer #5: You know, when I was drafting this, I always expected that <<<<< she would ride in a car at the end and that would be a huge triumph for her and for Seth.  Hooray! But when the time came, it just wasn't realistic to me. This is a girl who has spent EIGHT MONTHS avoiding cars completely. Can you imagine what her life is like? What her aunt and uncle have to put up with? She is suffering from PTSD and anxiety and has turned her fear into a full-blown phobia that is definitely hindering her life. I  think that would a huge stretch (not to mention irresponsible of me) to imply that she that she can go from freaking out at Seth's car in the rain to riding in a car a week later in time for his show.

Also! Part of what I realized in the theme of this story is that you can and should try to help people out (ala turning over passed out Carr), but there are also times when you can't save them no matter how much you wish you could. Seth had to learn that about Isaac. And, on a smaller scale, he learned it about Rosetta. No matter how much he wanted her to get over her fear, this was something she had to do on her own.  Once he let it go, I felt that I had to, too. >>>>>


Question #6: That makes sense, I guess. But couldn't you have written an epilogue that takes place a few months later where <<<<<she's been in therapy and finally gets over her fear and then we get to see her ride off into the sunset for ourselves?>>>>>

Answer #6: I could have. I actually did write that epilogue at one point (but I'm not sure if I still have it saved anywhere).  The thing is, though, I feel like I gave <<<<<Seth and Rosetta a hopeful ending the way this the book is written. To me, adding the epilogue would have been like saying, "Hey, everyone! How did you like that ending? Because here is an even happier one for you now! HOORAY!" >>>>> And that would have been corny.

___________________________________________________________________________________
 All right! So that's the stuff! I hope that reading that didn't kill your eyes and that you enjoyed and/or were enlightened by these answers. If you have any further questions for me, please feel free to leave them in the comments or email them to me at mindirochelle [at] gmail [dot] com.

I also want to say that I am very appreciative of everyone who has made the past six months so gratifying for me by picking up Freefall, recommending it friends, taking the time to write to me about it, and getting excited already for my next book Live Through This. You are all amazing! So THANK YOU! ♥

Blog: I would have given anything to be like . . .

Kirsten Hubbard's debut novel, LIKE MANDARIN, was released earlier this month by Delacorte Press. It is the story of 14-year-old Grace Carpenter who would give anything to be like 17-year-old Mandarin Ramey -- the bold, carefree wild girl of their small Wyoming town.

Kirsten asked a few other YA authors to help her celebrate the release of LIKE MANDARIN by writing about the person we would have given anything to be like when we were teens. There are lots of great posts, some at Kirsten's blog, some at their own.

You can check out my post here, (spoiler: I wrote about someone famous!) and if you leave a comment, you might also win LIKE MANDARIN prizes!

Blog: List Friday: What I've been up to lately.

I can't promise that this is going to be interesting. But it is a list of things I've been doing, in case you've wondered:

1. Receiving awesome emails. When I was writing Freefall, even when I was waiting 17 months for it to come out, I didn't really think about fan mail or have any expectation that I would receive such a thing. But it does happen! And it's always so wonderful! The emails I receive--and especially the ones from teens--really make my day. ♥

2. Eating stuffed peppers. Last week, I invented my own recipe for Mexican-inspired stuffed peppers. This week, I invented a recipe for Asian-inspired stuffed peppers!  I still think that Italian-inspired stuffed peppers are my favorite, but it's nice to have options. (I didn't post a picture of my latest creation because it sort of went splat on the counter when I was pulling it out of the baking dish with tongs. Maybe another time.)

3. Trying to win U2 tickets. I wanted to win U2 tickets for my friend Matt's half-birthday. Yesterday, I listened to the radio all day while I was writing and texted "U2" a number of times every hour when they'd play U2 songs. The closest I got was when I was #105. I needed to be #107. Only afterward did I realize that he probably already has tickets to that concert. Still. It would have been nice to win. I tried so hard!

4. Exercising. I'm going to the gym . . . sometimes. And doing a yoga workout video with a friend once a week. We've also invented chat-yoga, which is when you roll out your mats and sit or lie on them. Then you talk for an hour or two instead of doing the workout. Fun! (But such an activity can cause disapproval at times from husbands, it seems. Ha!)

5. Working.  Between my job and Live Through This, the book I'm writing, I'm working long hours without a day off in sight. I'm talking seven days a week, eight to twelve hours a day. It's, um, what's the word? Exhausting. Yes.

6. Writing. This goes along with #5, but it's such a big thing right now, I wanted it to have two mentions. Also, I said this really funny/sad thing to Dwayne right before he fell asleep last night that shows you that writing is kind of making me lose it a little maybe:  "Hey, you should kiss me because I'm writing a kissing scene tomorrow. Um . . . I mean, because we love each other!"

Have a great weekend! I'll be, you know, working. I'll also be taking a couple of hours off to see my husband's band on Saturday night at King Cat Theater in Seattle. It's all-ages, so if you're in the area, come on out! I think Alabaster is going on first, between 8pm and 9pm.

You guys! I invented a recipe!

I cook quite regularly, but I don't generally share recipes because I just use the ones I find online or in my cookbooks. However, today, I invented one!  I think it turned out pretty good. Maybe you will, too. If you're into that sort of thing.  FYI:  It's guaranteed to look more appetizing and photographable if you use any color OTHER than a yellow pepper topped with yellow corn chips. Live and learn, eh?


Vegetarian Mexican-Style Stuffed Bell Peppers
(so-called because of the I spices used, which are not Italian-style like most stuffed peppers that I make)

Heat oven to 400 degrees

You will need: 
3 or 4 medium bell peppers, cut in half lengthwise, seeded and all that jazz, arranged in a baking dish

Filling:
1 1/2 cups of cooked rice. (I used white, but brown is better for your health and all)
1 15 oz. can of diced tomatoes, undrained
1 15 oz. can of black or pinto beans, drained and rinsed
1 8 oz can of corn, undrained
1 teaspoon cumin, or to taste
1/2 teaspoon chili powder, or to taste
1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper, or to taste
1/4 teaspoon garlic powder, or to taste
1 or 2 chopped green onions (optional)
1 tablespoon chopped cilantro, or to taste (optional)


Optional toppings:
shredded cheese (I used sharp cheddar)
broken tortilla chips
(Toppings can be added before or partway into baking. I added them before, since my cook time is so short)

Directions:
Mix all the filling ingredients in a bowl.

At this point, I heated the filling in the microwave because I like my bell pepper still crisp when it comes out of the oven.  In order for my filling to get warm enough, I have to heat it before baking. If you like your peppers soft, you can cook it longer in the oven and you probably won't need to heat the filling first.

Spoon the filling into the bell pepper halves.  Add the toppings or set the timer for partway through baking so that you can add them later.

Bake in 400 degree oven for 15-40 minutes. (I always do 15 minutes.)


And that's the stuff!

Blog: My subconscious is often a jerkward*.

Ever since I can remember, my subconscious has done horrible things to me, saddling me with dreams that generally range between unsettling and truly terrifying. The things I see and experience in my awake life can influence my dreams, which can then influence my awake life, etc. It's a crazy, crazy cycle.

Example:  In my Simon & Schuster video interview, I alluded to having been afraid of the dark as an adult. It all started when I decided that since I happened to be in my early twenties at the time, and, therefore, a grownup, it was time for me to watch some horror/suspense movies. It didn't go well. I had nightmares. There were images in my head--some from the movie and some from my dreams--that wouldn't go away. For over a year, I would take a flashlight if I needed to go to the bathroom at night, otherwise, I was sure to run into dead people hanging from the ceiling. I'd run through my office in the early morning to turn on all the lights before those same dead people could get me. And, man, don't even get me started on high school letter jackets, okay?

In the past year, I've come to (slightly) better understand why I'm so affected by my dreams and scary movies and such. This vague understanding doesn't make it any easier, though, when I'm waking up screaming or my husband is shaking me awake to save me from whatever is causing me to whimper and thrash around.

I've started writing a number of different manuscripts over the years, and have observed that the ones I've actually finished (or in one case, will finish because it's contracted) were in some way inspired or aided by a traumatic dream of mine. I don't like to say, "It all came to me from a dream!" because that's just one piece of the puzzle.

I'll probably talk about this a little more next year, but one big reason why I decided to write my next book, Live Through This, is because of a recurring nightmare that has plagued me several times a year for over two decades. And in Freefall, there is a conversation between two characters about what it's like to dream about people after they die, and about how their minds mess with them and make them believe that the people close to them didn't die. Then they have to wake up and discover that the dream was the trick.  I've had a few readers write to me, saying that I've nailed it, that that's exactly what it was like for them after losing someone. And, well, I believe them because that's what it was like for me, too.

Saturday and Sunday nights, my subconscious did something rare and unexpected; it gave me exactly the dreams I needed for some peace. The anxiety and sadness I've had for the past week lifted. And so I say, thanks, subconscious, for finally doing something decent for once!


*I intended this post to have a more jokey feel to it, but everything kept coming out serious. Sigh, sigh!

List Friday: A few things I enjoyed this week.

I'm still sad about my kitty, Oz. It's been rough around these parts, and in the (edited) words of My Chemical Romance, "I'm not o-KOMO4ing-kay."

But blogging about sacks of sad isn't great for anyone, so I've made a list of things that I've enjoyed this week:

1.  100 Shows a Year blog. I know this guy named Jim who is a big-time theater geek in NYC. He sees over 100 performances a year and started a blog this past January cataloging what he sees as he sees it.  I am not a big-time theater geek, but I love reading what he has to say. Truthfully, I'd probably be entertained reading his grocery lists, but since he happens to post about shows, those are what I read instead!  They are often my favorite updates that pop up in my GoogleReader during the week.

2.  Planet Fitness .  My trial membership in Aim To Be Fit Boot Camp ended recently.  I really loved going and definitely gained strength and muscle, but I can't afford to continue at this time. Dwayne and I joined Planet Fitness, which is a brand-new gym in our area. It's very affordable. I've gone only one time so far, but I think it's going to be an okay alternative. It's nice to be able to run beside Dwayne for once. He runs up to nine miles an hour, while I'm at about half that right now.  At the track, we run separately, but on treadmills at the gym, we can be together!

3. Damn You, Auto Correct!   This site takes submissions of the hilarious misunderstandings that crop up from typos and the auto correct function on phones. A good portion of the text conversations are (unintentionally) super vulgar, but I read them and laugh and laugh and laugh. I never get tired of them; even some of the ones I've read before continue to amuse me on rereads.

4. Book report for Freefall by PoshDeluxe at Forever Young Adult.   The Forever Young Adult blog is one of my favorite book blogs out there. Their tagline is "for YA readers who are a little less Y and a bit more A," which is totally me!  I find that I have very similar book taste to some of the reviewers, and like them--and many other women my age--I credit Regina Morrow from Sweet Valley High as being reason #1 why I never got into drugs. Anyway, PoshDeluxe a.k.a. Sarah read Freefall, gave it a BFF charm, rated it a seven on the swoonworthy scale, and is going steady with it! I'm really, really happy about all of these things. :-) 

Goodbye to our Silky Jackass Oz Buh-bee.

Our cat, Oz, died today. I'm very sad. I wrote about him.


For at least six years now, Oz has had chronic urinary tract issues.  We've known all along the he would never be fully cured. It's an issue of his anatomy not being quite right. We've tried treating him, though, switching to whatever regiment the vet suggested. We've had him on pills, drops, monthly injections, and special food, sometimes all at the same time.  All of this has bought him--and us--more time, and when his insides weren't causing him troubles, he was living a normal, happy, pain-free, kitty-cat life.

But at 9:30 this morning, Oz's symptoms became life threatening, and Dwayne and I had to rush him to the vet.  There, we had to make the decision that we've known for years that we would one day have to make.

We weren't ready for it. 

We cried a lot. We held him. We kissed him. We told him we loved him. We said goodbye. Dwayne couldn't stay in the room for the euthanasia. For some reason, I couldn't not stay.

I've been sobbing off and on since even before we left today. I can't feel guilty for the choice we made because I know it was the right one. I'm just shocked and wrecked because he's gone.

He was such a personality. So strong, so smart, so obnoxious, so destructive, so funny. He was always getting into whatever he wasn't supposed to. He could even open doors. He hid behind the dryer whenever people would come over. Some of Dwayne's band members (who are over here about twice a week) never even saw him. He would "pet" himself by lying on his back and pushing himself across the ground. He would sniff people's socks and stretch his black lips into a hilarious expression that would make us laugh and laugh. His coat was satiny smooth. He would yawn so big it looked like his jaw was about to snap.  He loved to sleep in open suitcases or burrowed under blankets. His nicknames were Buh-bee, Silky, and Jackass. He was Neko's favorite baby. He was a Ravenclaw. He was our Oz Solo and our Little White Paws. Already, we miss having him in our family, very, very much.

Announcement: A new book deal for me!

From Publisher's Marketplace:

Mindi Scott's LIVE THROUGH THIS, following a girl as she embarks on her first romantic relationship at the same time she is trying to come to terms with the sexual abuse she's endured at the hands of a family member, to Liesa Abrams at Simon Pulse, by Jim McCarthy at Dystel & Goderich Literary Management (World English).

I am thankful for my agent, editor, and everyone at Pulse for all the support and good vibes regarding this book so far. It has been amazing to have so many people who believe in this story as I do and who want to help me get it out there for readers!

The tentative publication date is "Fall 2012," I believe. It sounds like forever away, but I'm going to be so very busy getting it finished during these next few months that I know I'm going wish time would slow down.  :-)

Blog: My Holy Trinity

I do this thing where I watch movies and TV shows and then analyze the characters to decide which is most like . . . my cats.

No, really.

So, for Star Wars, we have Darth Neko, Princess Niña, Angelus Skywalker, and Oz Solo. For Arrested Development, Neko is Lucille (obvs), Niña is Lindsay, Angelus is Buster, and Oz is Gob.

When I do thi s, I have to base it on their personalities and not on their relationships to each other. Otherwise, Oz (the one Neko babies) would have had to be Buster even though Angelus acts more like Buster.  Also, it might bother me that Princess Niña and Oz Solo are supposed to be in love and all when they are biological sister and brother in real life. (All of our cats are related. Neko is the mother of the other three.)

I've sorted them into Hogwarts houses (and figured out that we have one cat in each house!). I once figured out which of the Four Elements they each would represent, but I've now forgotten. Sad for you, I know, because you were very curious.

Occasionally, this entertaining game extends to humans, too.  Last night, I was pondering a writing thang. Dwayne said to me, "You'll pull it off. It's going to be great."

I said, "How do you know?"

He said, "Because you're talented, that's how."

I thought about this a bit and said, "Well, you think so. And Liesa [my editor] and Jim [my agent] think so. That makes you all, like, my holy trinity."

At that point, of course (OF COURSE), I had to decide who was who.  Dwayne called dibs on being the holy ghost because he didn't care to be my father or my son. Which is silly because in the biblical trinity, the son wouldn't be MY son. But I heeded his concerns and let him be the ghost.

I then had to choose which role to assign the other two. After careful consideration, I decided that Liesa is the father simply because I've known her longer, which makes Jim the son.

It was a relief to get that settled.