Sean Ferrell's Blog, page 17

Google Voice Poetry, Lesson 6.

Everyone get their appetite hats on, because the delicious Bill Cameron left me he delicioso recipe for baked beans on Google Voice! Take it away, Bill:

Shaun, hey bill here. Sorry, I will call her, where, but I'm dyslexic and so I was successfully failing to reach you by successfully reaching someone else. So here's the deal on the dates you need a pound of dry Great Northern Beans. I had a time, so come over night and cold water. You're leaving for me. It's about 5 or 6 cups depending on t...

Contest: Possible blurbs for Numb.

One of these is an actual quote:

"Get off my lawn." - J.D. Salinger (obtained early last year).

"That boy's not right." - My grandmother, after seeing my "dismount" from imaginary parallel bars.

Update: It occurs to me now that based on the comments I've received so far that this should be a contest. Here's how this will work: enter your suggested cover blurb in the comments below. The blurb can be from you or from someone else (see J.D. Salinger's blurb above). All blurbs attributed to...

Contest: Possible blurbs for Numb.

One of these is an actual quote:

"Get off my lawn." - J.D. Salinger (obtained early last year).

"That boy's not right." - My grandmother, after seeing my "dismount" from imaginary parallel bars.

Update: It occurs to me now that based on the comments I've received so far that this should be a contest. Here's how this will work: enter your suggested cover blurb in the comments below. The blurb can be from you or from someone else (see J.D. Salinger's blurb above). All blurbs attributed to...

Possible blurbs for Numb.

One of these is an actual quote:

"Get off my lawn." - J.D. Salinger (obtained early last year).

"That boy's not right." - My grandmother, after seeing my "dismount" from imaginary parallel bars.

Google Voice Poetry, Lesson 5.

The poetic Elisabeth Black tested out Google Voice's ear for music. First, she played a song by Mister Mister (that's Mr. Mister Mister to you!), and then said, "Okay, enough. You get the idea. Ha ha. Bye."

But was that all she said? Let's go the text:

"She" by Elisabeth Black

Hey, yeah, yeah.

Yes this like Hello Sean, Hello.

Hey, what's up.

Then by, but we can do film and I think the yes bye okay.

Hey, yeah yeah hey hey hey hi, hello hey we.

Bye...

Google Voice Poetry, Lesson 4.

The incorrigibly cute and angry Jeff Somers was kind enough to curse me out in a voicemail. Trust me, what he said would curl a dead man's toes. Of course, what I did was... oh, nevermind.

But that's not how Google Voice heard it:

"Mother Farrell" by Jeff Somers

Sean,

Mother Farrell,

you white,

in in my calling you on that too so I can.

Person you.

This is on the believable you.

God damn cock sucker cheeses each price.

I cannot believe this that I have to do this for you.

...

Google Voice Poetry, Lesson 3.

The dirty limerick, about that gentleman from Nantucket.

Once was Indian food and talk to you to stick with the wants to talk to you. He said the Siegfried if you wanna talk to chat with your with the content.

Many thanks to my nemesis, Carrie Kei Heim Binas, for the suggestion. You'll rue the day you messed with me.

Scrababble, up at Electric Literature.

I'm thrilled that Electric Literature has published my "Scrababble: 19 Rule Changes to Scrabble" on their blog.

Google Voice Poetry, Lesson 2.

Christi Goddard had a great idea which she posted in the comments of my first lesson on Google Voice Poetry:

Maybe if someone read poetry aloud on your voicemail, it would come out garbled prose. TRY POE!

Let's give it a try.

The Raven, by Edgar Allen Poe

Once upon a good day.

Dreary well.

I just wondered weekend.

Mary over many waiting.

Curious following up.

I forgot, lore.

Well I know I did you sleep.

And I think.

Certainly there came a...

Google Voice Poetry, Lesson 1.

I signed up for Google Voice, Google's answer to the question: why do I want a company to provide me with voice mail and then mangle the voice mails into e-mails that are completely useless?

Every voicemail I get is "texted" to me and also e-mailed to me. Google clearly needs to revise the speech recognition at work here, or they need to rename the program to GooglePoetry because the results are like honeyed jazz, man, snap snap. Check out the "text" from an actual voicemail I received last ...