Michael Offutt's Blog, page 136

A mid season reflection of A Game of Thrones that's chock full of spoilers

This really was not the "Epic" that I expected from the fight at
the Fist of the First Men and it still kind of pisses me off. However,
I know they have budget constraints. I suppose the whole severed
horse heads lying in a pattern in the zombie wasteland snow was
kind of creepy but couldn't they have done a little battle?We're already halfway through season 3 of HBO's adaptation of A Game of Thrones and naturally, I have a few thoughts. Once I got past my initial disappointment from the season opener (called "Valar Dohaeris") I settled in to see that the episode actually did have quite a few gems. Sure, the whole White Walker scene at the end of season 2 really made me expect something epic. What I got was a fat Samwell Tarley running through some snow (how does he stay fat with no food around?) and then a quick cut to other characters...mmm okay. That was one of the best scenes in the book, but I guess if you wanna go cheap.... However, I really loved the juxtapositions in this episode which is how the cinema is different than the book. In cinema, you can show a scared Tyrion Lannister peering through bars at his sister the queen regent and then cut to a similar scene with a scared Joffrey in Flea Bottom peering through bars at the future queen Margery Tyrell as she wins over everyone with her gifts and her charm. A subtle yet awesome way of showing the power of the women in the world of the Iron Throne done easily with film; not so easily with print.
The Tyrells are the only family that's got any money and resources anymore.
I really like this family. I'd want to live in Highgarden if I was forced to choose
a place in Westeros. 1) It's warm and 2) the Tyrell's by all accounts are clever
and good rulers of the people (unlike the Lannisters who completely suck).In episode 2 "Dark Wings, Dark Words" the HBO adaptation gives us the evolution of character. Brienne overcomes Jaime who used to be the best swordsman in Westeros. It's great foreshadowing for when he gets his hand cut off (further relegating him to a "has been"). Robb angers Lord Karstark by attending the funeral of his grandfather on Catelyn's side at Riverrun. So basically you see Robb is losing all of his support by being a good son. And Sansa finally gets some courage by confiding with the Tyrell's about what a monster Joffrey is. The Tyrell's aren't stupid, and truthfully, if I had to choose a house to ally with myself, it'd be with them. I especially love the evolution of Margery because she manipulates Joffrey like the horny and naive teenage boy that he is.
In episode 3 "Walk of Punishment" we pretty much see what power gives you in Westeros (and it's the ability to make everyone else miserable around you, which is technically joy by Westerosian standards). As a side note: is that why all these damaged people want to be king? So they can order everyone else around? Cause from where I'm standing, being king in Westeros really sucks. Anyway, Tywin orders Littlefinger (who really wants to bone Sansa--yes, Littlefinger is a grotesque but conniving man) to marry Lady Arryn (the hag that had the six-year old kid breastfeeding off her in season 1), Tywin makes Tyrion the Master of Coin, Mance Rayder decides that Jon Snow will scale the Wall with some other Wildlings, and Sam witnesses Gilly give birth to a son which he knows will die if Craster gets his mitts on the poor baby boy (Craster has got some deal with the white walkers to feed them baby boys in exchange for them leaving him alone). Oh and let's not leave out poor Theon who is being tortured because he really does deserve it. Daenerys makes a deal to buy an army of 8000 Unsullied...the best fighting warriors in the world, and it completely sets up what happens next week.
Episode 4 gave us this gif, which is totally a win in my book.Episode 4 called "And Now His Watch Is Ended" is my favorite thus far this season, mostly because of the scene where Daenerys meets with Kraznys to complete the trade of a dragon for the Unsullied army. It goes bad for the arrogant and stupid Kraznys when Daenerys orders the Unsullied to sack the city, killing their former masters, and reclaiming Drogon as her own (the biggest dragon). Sure Commander Mormont dies, but it's completely overwhelmed by what happens in Dany's storyline. If anyone deserves to be queen of Westeros, it's her and I hope it happens. She has compassion, and I got to admit: the Targaryens (despite there being only one left in the world) are a power to behold. And at long last, we get the story of how Varys "The Spider" got cut and was made a eunuch. It's where I picked up the phrase "twig and berries" if that gives you an image, because that's what got removed when Varys was a little boy by some perverse sorcerer. Good thing that Varys is now powerful because just like all the other damaged folk in Westeros, he's able to get his revenge. Right after his story, he shows Tyrion the very sorcerer that removed his "twig and berries" still alive in a box. He had him shipped all the way from Myr; I can only imagine the suffering that man is going to endure...the least of which will probably start with having HIS twig and berries cut off. Yikes.
Grantland produced this awesome UPS label that shows the Master of Whisperers
missed the first delivery attempt of the sorcerer in the box seen in episode 4.In episode 5 called "Kissed by Fire" the Starks have gone completely bloodthirsty. Arya wants revenge on the Hound so much that she almost takes it herself, and Robb cuts off the head of Lord Karstark despite what all of his advisers tell him to do. The best part of this episode though was the tub scene between Jaime and Brienne where he tells her about the mad king and what happens when a ruler has gone insane. The little bits about how the king loved to watch people force fed wildfire so he could watch them burn was awesome and how the first person Jaime chose to kill was the chief pyromancer followed by the cowardly king himself.  Another gem in this episode was when Loras Tyrell got laid by his squire. Sure the dude was a spy hired by Littlefinger, but holy crap, I must have watched that scene like ten times. I hope we see more of that in the future.
I like two things about Ygritte. 1) How she calls Jon Snow by first and last name.
2) How she always says, "You know nothing Jon Snow." And as this picture
proves, I guess that's not entirely ummm accurate. The scene in the cave
both on screen and in the book was pretty cool.The amount of saturation that the television series A Game of Thrones has had in popular culture is kind of crazy to comprehend. Take for example Chick-Fil-A with their Mother-Son Date Knight promotion. Customers are encouraged to dress up in medieval garb and go on mother-son dates to Chik-Fil-A ala Cersei and Joffrey. Keep in mind that Cersei and Jaime were brother and sister, have an incestuous relationship, and resulted in Prince Joffrey while still married. I guess this is a more preferable choice than backing gay marriage. In my opinion, something hasn't sounded so wrong since KFC called their chicken a Frak Pack when Battlestar Galactica aired on SyFy. I suppose Chick-Fil-A wants to know how far sons can get with moms on the first date. Ewww.

Also, the differences between the television adaptation and the books catch me by surprise all the time, however, I really like them. For one, they condense a lot of the stuff that I think should be cut from the books. I am a little concerned though that Daenerys' storyline has petered out. I honestly cannot recall another scene in the books that really excited me outside the fall of Astapor. There's a scene in A Dance with Dragons that happens two novels later (which could be three seasons from now before its filmed) wherein a relatively minor character gets barbecued by a dragon. We do have an interesting Dr. Mengele-esque character that's been introduced. But A Feast for Crows was mostly boring, introducing a ton more characters that I could really care less about. I guess we can look forward to a ton more Cersei development. And it's become apparent from watching this season that the writing is all over the place. They're literally taking scenes from book 2 and book 4 and kind of weaving it all together to produce their version. I don't expect the show from here on out to be contiguous at all with the events written by George.
Jon Snow and Daenerys Targaryen. I'm pretty sure these two will eventually
be King and Queen of Westeros. I suspect Jon is a Targaryen anyway. Once
that comes out, she'll have to marry him, because Targaryens like to keep it
in the family if ya know what I mean.With the way things seem to be heading for Robb, I wonder if any of the powers that be in Westeros realize that the Starks are the canary in the coal mine. Their whole family crest is "Winter is Coming." And it really is coming. You couldn't foreshadow it more. Just about everything has said this particular winter is going to be the worst one on record, with monsters that the world hasn't seen in a thousand years and a cold to last a decade or more. And when Robb metes with his destruction that everyone knows is coming, doesn't that mean that all of their fates are collectively doomed? With all the plotting and infighting going on over a stupid Iron Throne, there's no way any of the houses will have the strength to repel what shows up on their doorstep when the snow starts coming. And I think that's the point. In fact, the only person "gaining" actual power and not "losing it" in some way or another is Daenerys.

Perhaps it will come that she lands on Westeros at some point in the future, sees the butchering that the White Walkers are doing, and when those undead try to take her down, she introduces them to her three gargantuan dragons, and then proceeds to burn them to ashes. I suppose that would be a scene worth waiting for but then I'm just speculating.

Has anyone else noticed that there is no royal in Westeros that hasn't been wronged in some way? I think that's odd. Surely there is some character that hasn't been crushed or stepped on, but I went through the list and I was like...ummm nope. If life is that hard at the top, imagine what it must be like for the common folk.

Pacific Rim using a cargo ship as a baseball bat is cooler than a Hulk SMASH on Loki and yelling PUNY GOD!!

Disclaimer: This post is not about a dreary all inclusive chick flick dripping with feelings. Rather, it is aimed more at an all male circle jerk fantasy of robots versus monsters. If you wish to expand your horizons, proceed with caution. :)
These are the sexy Jaeger suits that the pilots wear. Of course the pilots
are young and incredibly good-looking. I love how they're basically molded
to the skin and highlight the muscles. Just looks awesome. Click to Embiggen.The latest trailer for Pacific Rim slammed into the internet on April 30th, and it's taken me about a day to think about what I saw. That, and I'm like "ZOMGAH trailer for Pacific Rim is so frickin' cool!" to everyone in my office. Only everyone in my office is like..."Uh what's that?" To be fair there are 2 people that work in my entire building that actually knew what this movie was. The rest just pretty much did what they usually do: stare awkwardly projecting thoughts like "why do you get excited about movies because that's so weird?" I imagine they'd share my enthusiasm if I asked them if they'd taken their kids to see the Lego animals at the local zoo or if Music and the Spoken Word had a nice episode this weekend. The last movie that the three guys who are my age in my office paid for was Les Mis back in December because they're cheap their wives wanted to see it.
I like this banner. Click to EMBIGGEN.Anyway, for those of you who don't know, Pacific Rim is a kaiju (the word kaiju means "strange beast" in Japanese) movie that I'M "FAP FAP FAP" EXCITED TO SEE (ahem) I will most likely see in the theater. I've blogged about it HERE and HERE. It's also CRUSHING THE BOX OFFICE being released the weekend after Independence Day (the Independence Day movie unfortunately is The Lone Ranger--a $150 million dollar western "paranormal" by Disney because the Legend of the Lone Ranger was OH SO PARANORMAL!). I'm sorry if my sarcasm over the Lone Ranger is palpable, but the Lone Ranger had silver bullets because silver was expensive, and it was a reminder that each bullet he fired had a "cost" to it. So it's best not to get me started on how I think Disney is screwing up the Lone Ranger. Yeah, we're not going there today.
Concept art that gives you the sheer scale of the robots in Pacific Rim.
That Jaeger in the background is frickin' HUGE. Click to Embiggen.Anyway, in the newest Pacific Rim trailer there is a gargantuan robot (aka Jaeger) that uses a cargo ship like a baseball bat to bash in a kaiju's head! That should make anyone want to press "PLAY" like RIGHT NOW. But in case you can somehow wait, the many thoughts going through my head are: 1) I can't wait to see this show. 2) That looks more awesome than Hulk grabbing Loki and smashing him into the concrete while saying "PUNY GOD!" and 3) Is this a nod from Guillermo del Toro on just how much ass America kicks at just about everything? Let's face it, baseball games are as American as apple pie my friends and the movie comes out the week after Independence Day! Coincidence? I think not, and that's the story I'm stickin' too.

Oh Guillermo...I see whut u did thar...
This is a screenshot of a huge pile of Kaiju poop. Nice eh? Click to Embiggen.Okay, but there are seriously other things about this movie that I picked up from this trailer that transcend the pure "monster versus robot" basic plotline. First, previous clips touted the invasion of the alien kaiju from another realm, but these clips never gave me the impression that the kaiju were intelligent. Pacific Rim is NOT a story about huge mindless pests invading our home on a grand scale. It's the story of a war. A frickin' war between two worlds. My evidence:
This is actor Charlie Day in the role of Dr. Newton. Click to Embiggen.Charlie Day's Dr. Newton Geiszler (the presumed smart guy who "gets" the kaiju in the trailer) says, "Their sole purpose was to aim for the populated areas and take out the vermin--us." And consequently, Dr. Newton calls the Jaegers "2,500 tons of awesome," which goes right up there with the line: "Old and busted...meet the new hotness"<== one of my favorite lines in film. You get serious nerd cred if you know what film that line appears in. So yes, the kaiju are smart, and they're an invasion force, meticulously plotting out a strategy to wage war on Earthlings. I'm sure Guillermo del Toro borrowed a page from Cthulhu here (after all he was going to make an H.P. Lovecraft film called The Mountains of Madness).
Strange goo in the helmet. It's anyone's guess what this stuff is, but I think
it helps the pilots mind-meld. It's an "educated guess." Do you agree with me?And consequently, I also like how the Jaegers are piloted by two people who mind-meld with each other apparently through some kind of strange goo that's put into their helmets. I think that'd freak me out and make the whole "drowning" impulse really strong. You know how people say science fiction can sometimes be ahead of actual science? Maybe in a few years there'll be this goo that really does allow people to mind-meld. Wouldn't that be awesome? Think of all the crimes we could solve by just going inside a criminal's head and examining their thoughts. There'd be no more need for "enhanced interrogation."
ZOMGAH THE TRAILER HAS RON PERLMAN IN IT!I can't tell what role Ron Perlman is set to play in the brief flash he gets in the newest trailer for Pacific Rim. I doubt he's playing a grunt of any kind which is pretty much his modus operandi in other films. I've really gotten to be a fan of Ron though, and I'm happy to see he's basically the guy that's in ALL of Guillermo del Toro's films (Hellboy anyone?). The dark glasses make me think he'll have some kind of insight that will be crucial to the storyline. *Does a happy dance. Go BIG or GO EXTINCT!

*****


My very prolific author friend P.T. Dilloway has a series of books out that tell the tale of an intelligent and beautiful young woman who is called to become a superhero. I've read three in the series thus far and loved them all. I plan on reading the remaining five or six at some point (right now I'm reading Brent Weeks' Night Angel trilogy). Anyway, the first book in the series is called A Hero's Journey. It has been discounted to .99 cents for the entire month of May. If you have a buck and some time, I recommend you download a copy. It's a quick read. You can read my review HERE if you would like to know more.

BIO: P.T. Dilloway has been a writer for most of his life. He completed his first story in third grade and received an ‘A’ for the assignment. Around that time he also placed in a local writing contest for a television station, receiving an action figure in lieu of a trophy, thus securing his love with the written word. Since then he’s continued to spend most of his free time writing and editing. In the last twenty years he’s completed nearly forty novels of various genres.

A Hero’s Journey is P.T.’s first superhero novel, born from his love of old TV shows like “Superfriends” and the 1960s “Batman” TV series, both of which he spent much time watching in reruns growing up in rural Michigan, as well as more recent theatrical offerings like “The Dark Knight” and “Watchmen.” A Hero’s Journey tells the story of a young woman who finds a suit of magic armor that allows her to save the world—and herself.

When not writing, P.T. enjoys reading and photographing Michigan’s many lighthouses. In order to pay the bills, he earned an accounting degree from Saginaw Valley State University in 2000 and for the past ten years has worked as a payroll accountant in Detroit. He lives in suburban Detroit, where he continues to work on new writing projects. If you want to find him, just search the Panera Breads and Starbuckses near Detroit on weekends.

Purchase Links:
SMASHWORDS | NOOK | KINDLE U.S. | SERIES

If you don't buy a copy of P.T.'s book, could you please send a single tweet (if you are on twitter). Just copy and paste the one from below:

Like stories with Egyptian flavor and girls kickin' ass? Read one of the finest comic novels ever written #comicbooks http://www.amazon.com/A-Heros-Journey-ebook/dp/B009O5H3RA/

Jessica Bell talks Adverbs and Cliches and I talk about a Bank of America foreclosure

The Insecure Writer's Support Group can be joined by anyone. You can find the sign up sheet HERE.

April 2013 finds me being less an insecure writer and more a "writer" who just happens to have some insecurities. The difference this time is I'm meeting the biggest challenge head-on instead of running away from it.

What is this challenge? Well, I'm looking to buy my very first home. This is not a new thing but has been an ongoing drama for about eight months now. When I first started looking, I had no clue what I was doing (if you watch the show "Property Virgins" the people buying homes are a lot like me). So I downloaded the real estate apps for Zillow and Realtor.com onto my iPad and started paging through online photos. I saved some that I liked, tracked them for a while, and then I started to get more serious. I got a Realtor and started going through homes. I've found a few that I've liked and I've made offers on two. The first was on a short sale that I loved. The second was on a really run-down home in a completely awesome neighborhood. Think sycamore tree-covered lanes. Yeah...that house was beautiful on the outside, but a dump on the inside. However, I was willing to live in a dump because I figured I could fix it up over time and then I'd be in this amazing neighborhood. But that house went to a house flipper who paid cash for it and had more money than I did. As for the short sale, well it got "sold" in March.
This show is so about me and my struggles.Well one day in the first part of April, I noticed that the short sale I loved (the one mentioned above) hadn't actually been sold to a homeowner or investor (which is what I assumed had happened since it went off the market). I discovered it had been foreclosed upon, i.e. "sold to the bank."

My Realtor said, "Oh those are such a pain in the ass...let's just keep looking." He had no idea who to contact and really no energy to track down this title. He wanted it easy. You know...the kind where I pick out a regular home, we make an offer, and then I move in. Easy peasy. But he has no idea that I'm historically the person that never does anything easy.  To his credit, he tried to dissuade me by saying things like, "Foreclosures are terrible to deal with, and I've had them go sour over a year later." But I was not deterred. I gotta say this again...I really liked this house. And if it was foreclosed, then that means the bank owns it but doesn't want it, and I'm sure they'd like to unload it. Why not unload it on me? Why can't I be that person? Again, the Realtor just made a sour face, made a call, and said the title was owned by Bank of America. That's where he stopped by saying, "I left a voice mail with Bank of America but they never returned my call."

Okay...I get it dude. I'm going to have to take it from here. So I did. I researched Bank of America foreclosures, didn't find an email address, but I found a physical address. I'm a writer, and I write things, so I penned a snail mail letter and sent it off to Bank of America with a self addressed stamped envelope. Well after a few weeks of stalking and phone calling and even skulking around said property snapping pictures, the trail finally led to a law office. I called them on a Monday morning to inquire about said property and they said they were indeed the ones that represented Bank of America and that it would be put up sometime in May. Because of Freddie Mac standards, they said that it needed some TLC and they were fixing some carpet and doing some roof work. They were not specific in what "work" was to be done. However they were quite clear with my Realtor (when I told him to call them) that when it does go for sale, it will be more expensive than the short sale price.

Ugh. My bubble was burst. I thought foreclosures were supposed to be a deal and not cost more than the original listing. But it looks like Mike will not be getting a "deal." Ah well. I still don't have any clue what price they are going to want, but I've got my ducks in a row finance-wise and am ready to pounce on this foreclosure the minute it hits the market with as aggressive an offer as I can manage. I just hope that "the fixes" they did on the property won't drive the price up to a level I can't afford because the "short sale" price was totally within my budget.

Sure the lawn is essentially weeds, and there's no garage. But it has enough land that I can put in an over-sized two car garage at some point. As for the lawn, I'll get to that as well. I plan to put in a sprinkling system, a new fence, and maybe even a fountain and a deck. I dream of reading in the shade during summer. Did I mention it's near a huge park with really wonderful towering old trees and close to downtown? Oh and plant flowers out front...that is a must during spring/summer.

I'm just really insecure about getting this property. I wonder how many people are also interested in it or even know about it. I wonder how much the actual price is going to be. If I could get it for the price I want to pay (close to the short sale price) I would be in fat city for the rest of my life as far as my monthly payment goes. But I do have a plan if I fail. I'm going to find a lower rent apartment to move into and wait out another year to see if something I like pops its head up and screams "buy buy buy!"

>>>>> Please Welcome Jessica Bell <<<<<
Too many adverbs and clichés in your writing? I've got just the fix for you.
by Jessica Bell

Writers constantly have rules thrown at them left, right, and center. Show, don’t tell! Stop using so many dialogue tags! More sensory detail! More tension! Speed up the pace! Yada yada yada ... it can become overwhelming, yes? I used to feel overwhelmed by it all too. In fact, I still do sometimes. It’s hard enough to get the words on the page, let alone consider how to put them there.

In Anne Lamott’s Bird by Bird, she says that in order not to be overwhelmed, a writer needs to focus on short assignments. She refers to the one-inch picture frame on her desk and how that little picture frame reminds her to focus on bite-sized pieces of the whole story. Basically, if you focus on one small thing at a time, the story will eventually come together to create a whole. I believe the same applies to learning the craft of writing. If writers focus on one aspect of the craft at a time, the process will seem less daunting and piece by piece it will come together.
My name’s Jessica Bell, and my own struggles with feeling overwhelmed inspired me to write the Writing in a Nutshell Series of pocket-sized writing guides. So you can learn to hone your craft in bite-sized, manageable pieces. In the first book of the series, I focused on demonstrating how to transition “telling” into “showing.” In Adverbs & Clichés in a Nutshell: Demonstrated Subversions of Adverbs & Clichés into Gourmet Imagery , I deal with another of the most common criticisms aspiring writers face: to absolutely avoid adverbs and clichés like the plague. But see, right now, I just used one of each. I also used a couple in the first two paragraphs of this post because they come naturally, and we utilize them frequently in everyday speech. But in fiction, too many adverbs and clichés weaken your prose. It’s considered “lazy writing,” because it means we don’t have to show what’s happening.

If your manuscript has too many adverbs and clichés, it most likely means that the emotion you felt while writing it is not going to translate to the reader in the same way. So how exactly can we approach the subversion of adverbs and clichés? For starters, play around with simile and metaphor when you’re trying to convey emotion, and for action, use strong verbs to show it happening in real time.

The key? Think smaller details rather than the bigger picture.

Need some help and inspiration?

In Adverbs & Clichés in a Nutshell: Demonstrated Subversions of Adverbs & Clichés into Gourmet Imagery , you will find thirty-four examples of prose which clearly demonstrate how to turn those pesky adverbs and clichés into vivid and unique imagery. Dispersed throughout are blank pages to craft your own unique examples. Extra writing prompts are also provided at the back of the book.

“Jessica Bell's latest pocket guide, Adverbs & Clichés in a Nutshell, will inspire you to leave bland behind and pursue your creative best. With force and clarity, she demonstrates how adverbs and clichés hobble vibrant writing. She then marks a course toward unique expression and provides workouts that will help writers at every level develop a distinctive voice.” ~Laurel Garver, freelance editor, author of Never Gone and Muddy-Fingered Midnights

Purchase links:
Amazon US | Amazon UK | Amazon Ca | Kobo

Bio: The Australian-native contemporary fiction author and poet, Jessica Bell, also makes a living as an editor and writer for global ELT publishers (English Language Teaching), such as Pearson Education, HarperCollins, Macmillan Education, Education First and Cengage Learning.

She is the co-publishing editor of Vine Leaves Literary Journal, and the director of the Homeric Writers’ Retreat & Workshop on the Greek island of Ithaca.

For more information about Jessica please visit:
Website | Blog | Twitter | Facebook

The Zillo Beast is the Godzilla of the Star Wars universe

This is the graphic used in the episode "the Zillo Beast" to test the Republic's
newest "weapon of mass destruction" versus the terrible droid army. I've also
used this picture before for my short story "The Insanity of Zero" back when
I thought people actually might read it. However, I found a lot of success
giving it away for free on Amazon and Smashwords, so it's all good. :)I absolutely loved the two-story arc that started with "The Zillo Beast" and ended with the episode "The Zillo Beast Strikes Back." In short, the Zillo Beast is the Godzilla of the Star Wars universe.
This is the Zillo Beast after getting rudely awakened by the explosion featured
in the picture above. Those green waterfalls are outflow from broken pipes.Anyone that's followed my blog or my postings knows that I'm a fan of kaiju movies. For example, I'm really looking forward to this summer's "Pacific Rim" probably more so than just about any other movie being released (maybe with the exception of Iron Man 3 on Friday). As an aside note, if you haven't been keeping track of records, Iron Man 3's international debut raked in $195 million and shattered the previous record set by "The Avengers!" Boo Yeah. Robert Downey Jr. Is. The. Man. Sorry for my segue...now back to the Godzilla of Star Wars.
Zillo Beast contained! Or so the Republic thought. Why would any civilization
ever take such a huge creature back to the city? It almost seems like foreshadowing
of certain doom. But maybe I only say that because I saw "King Kong." I guess
they don't have "King Kong" in Coruscant. What a pity.So there I was, quietly watching the Star Wars: The Clone Wars series on television, when this episode started. I squeed in joy as I realized I was in for a treat with an homage to all things kaiju (kaiju is a Japanese word that means "strange beast"). You may ask, how do we first meet the Zillo Beast?  Well dear reader, it happened in the aftermath of a completely epic explosion of the Republic's newest droid-disrupting weapon. If you recall your Godzilla lore, you will note that we meet Godzilla in exactly the same manner following nuclear tests off the island of Japan.
The Zillo Beast scaling huge buildings in Coruscant. Yes, those are fighter
planes shooting at him in the background. Zillo Beast is just hungry. Zillo
Beast must feed on clones! NOM NOM NOMWhen the smoke cleared, a huge crater had been made, and at the bottom was a very angry Zillo Beast awoken from its slumber. Mace Windu soon realizes that the Zillo Beast is the last specimen of its kind, so the Jedi face a dilemma: should they save the beast or help the Dugs kill it (the Zillo Beast is on the Dug homeworld).
All large one of a kind Kaiju always meet the same end. It doesn't matter if
it happens on Earth or in Coruscant. Humans just don't like it when you stomp
on their buildings.Naturally, they make the decision to take the Zillo Beast back to Coruscant in the hopes of learning the secret of its impenetrable natural armor. In King Kong fashion, it breaks free of its bonds and rampages through the city. They eventually kill the Zillo Beast using poison gas. It's kind of sad in the same way that the death of King Kong is kind of sad. In the clip below, Mace Windu comes face-to-face for the first time with the almighty Zillo Beast! It's very exciting.
And below is the clip where the Zillo Beast breaks free following a decision made by Senator Palpatine to euthanize it using a newly developed toxin. Much chaos ensues on Coruscant.
And that's it! I made it from A to Z. I look forward to see who else crossed the finish line. Tomorrow is another Insecure Writers Support Group post and a spotlight on author Jessica Bell's book regarding Adverbs and Cliches. Question: Did I make you a fan of the Clone Wars television series? Are you going to check it out on your own when you get the chance? Are you sad that this is my last "Clone Wars" post ever?I lost my Magic 8 Ball, but I hope that "signs point to yes." Have a great Tuesday.

Yoda

Above is a picture of my Clone Wars maquette (a little statue) of Master Yoda. I bought it at a comic book store many years ago and sometimes display it in a curio cabinet in my house along with other things I've collected. I have a couple of nice things that I like to put in the cabinet. My friend James once remarked, "Why do you have that dumb statue of Yoda in there next to the other nice stuff? It makes me think of that phrase 'one of these things is not like the other...'"

Anyway, my maquette is well constructed, looks nice, is very nerdy, and I like it! I bet Sheldon Cooper owns one. Yoda doesn't need any explanation as anyone that follows Star Wars knows exactly who he is, so I'm just going to say this: one of the things I like about Yoda in The Clone Wars is that he really doesn't fight. He's simply a teacher and takes that role very seriously. I just wish someone had told him how to brush his teeth because Yoda's teeth are atrocious. Also, has anyone ever seen a female version of Yoda's race? I'm kind of wondering what they look like.

Below, please find some pics I posted describing a scene where Yoda is doing what Yoda does best.



In this scene Yoda explains to the younglings that they were not trapped by the cave, but by their minds. He turns to each and points out what they have learned.
Byph found courage.Ganodi found hope.Gungi found patience.Zalt found trust.Katooni found confidence.Petro found selflessness.And even when Yoda faces a Sith apprentice in Asajj Ventress, he continues to teach. If you have the time, please watch this short clip. It's almost laughable how quickly Yoda deals with Ventress (who is a handful for just about anyone else). Yoda was a badass.
Tomorrow is my post on the Zillo Beast-the ultimate Godzilla tribute done by the Clone Wars!

The Xanadu Blood

The Xanadu Blood over the planet Naboo.Ay carajo, finding a suitable "X" word in The Clone Wars was really hard (I didn't want to use X-Wing). But my persistence paid off, and I present to you, dear reader, the tale of the Xanadu Blood.

In Star Wars, a bounty hunter's ship is almost as important as the actual bounty hunter. For example, Boba Fett flew around in Slave One (or what I like to call "the floating iron" because it looks like an iron you'd starch your clothes with). Another bounty hunter by the name of Cad Bane is no exception to this unstated rule and flew around in a heavily modified Rogue-class starfighter given to him by the Separatists on behalf of the Dark Lord of the Sith, Darth Sidious.

Cad Bane used the Xanadu Blood to deliver Force-sensitive infants to the planet of Mustafar for Darth Sidious. This bounty hunter kidnapped the infants from Glee Anselm, Rodia, and Naboo. While he was enroute to capture Gungan youngling Roo-Roo Page on Naboo, he ran afoul of Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker and his Padawan, Ahsoka Tano, and was captured.
This is Cad Bane. He's kind of the "go to" bounty hunter used in the Clone Wars as he
appears in a ton of episodes.Along with Bane, the Xanadu Blood got taken on board the Star Destroyer Resolute. Tano and Skywalker examined the ship to find clues about Bane's kidnapping mission. However, Bane was a clever Bounty Hunter, and prior to his capture, he erased the fighter's navigational computer records. Not to be deterred, the Jedi continued their investigation and found volcanic ash on the hull of the Xanadu Blood that ended up leading them to the planet Mustafar!

Below is a clip that shows the interrogation of Cad Bane following the discovery that the ships records have been wiped. Mace Windu, Obi-Wan Kenobi, and Anakin decide to team up to "force compel" Cad Bane. It's basically Jedi-sanctioned torture because otherwise, Cad Bane's mind is too strong and Jedi Mind tricks don't work on him. I don't know why, but this scene kind of reminds me of the United States' decision to use water boarding to get information from detainees in Guantanamo.

Water War shows us the incredible technology of the Mon Cals in epic Star Wars fashion

Riff Tamson and the droid army invading Mon Cal. Click to Embiggen.When I saw Return of the Jedi in the theaters for the first time, I really liked the Mon Calamari, Admiral Ackbar. To this day, I think what an imagination Lucas had to think up an alien that looked like that. I've always wanted to know more (aside from the fact that they built huge ships). Well I got my wish at the beginning of season four of Cartoon Networks television series The Clone Wars.
Admiral "It's a trap!" Ackbar. Behind him are the glass transportation
tubes of the capital city of Mon Cal. Click to Embiggen.Water War in a nutshell shows us the incredible technology of the Mon Cals in epic Star Wars fashion. The plot is pretty simple:
The king of the Mon Calamari has died, and his teen-aged son Lee Char is now next up in line. There are two sentient races on Mon Cal. The first is the Mon Calamari that look like Admiral Ackbar and the second are the Quarren who look like Mindflayers from the Dungeons and Dragons Monster Manual. Basically think of a human with a squid-like face. Anyway, these two races previously lived in harmony under the old king, but refuse to do so under the teen-aged prince because a bad guy named Riff Tamson is stirring things up. Riff Tamson. Doesn't he look awesome? Click to Embiggen.And Riff looks freakin' awesome! They've taken a great white shark and basically given it human-like qualities. He's ferocious, a fast swimmer, and you get the impression he likes to eat other races for pleasure (live bait). We're talking a "gnaw on your leg until your f'ing dead" type thing. And of course, he's a strong arm for Count Dooku who is trying to start a civil war on Mon Cal in order to weaken this world that's allied itself with the Republic.
So over the course of three episodes, we get a water war. There are clone troopers in aquatic swimming gear, huge firefights, lightsaber battles, and enormous Mon Cal cities which are breathtakingly beautiful. They have glass tubes connecting the towers of the Mon Cal cities that have super fast currents flowing in them so people in the tubes can swim from one building to the next in a flash. Prince Lee Char and the Mon Calamari. I think the animation in this series
just got better and better with each season. Look at the detail on the Mon
Calamari around the prince. Click to Embiggen.The war machines also get really creative. There's a huge squid-like space ship that has enormous tentacles that fan out. At first I thought, "What an impractical design." But during these episodes it shows that the squid ships fan their tentacles out under water and start to spin. The enormous circular motion makes the water also start to spin, basically creating a whirlpool or maelstrom that buffets and destroys anything unlucky enough to be caught fighting underneath it. Of course Anakin makes short work of one ship with a lightsaber in spectacular fashion. He later gets tortured by Riff Tamson in a machine made from living gargantuan electric eels (again very creative). Quarren are in back. No episode underwater would be complete without
Jedi Master Kit Fisto (front and center) and Anakin in a water suit just
behind his shoulder. Click to Embiggen.The scope of this three episode arc is huge. The first wave of clone troopers that come to the rescue is utterly defeated. The second wave of support from Gungans arriving from Naboo also gets defeated. It's only when the Quarren realize they've been duped by Riff Tamson and rise up with the help of the Mon Calamari to take back their world, that the Separatists are finally defeated. This machine is called a hydroid medusa. They are half machine, half monster.
Riff Tamson said they were pretty much invincible. Cybernetically enhanced
jellyfish, they were huge behemoths with on-board power plants and multiple
electrified tentacles that killed any biological being upon contact. Riff dropped
these by the hundreds over Mon Cal city. It was epic. And in heroic fashion, young Prince Lee Char is crowned King of the Mon Cals at the end. If that isn't enough of a selling point to love this epic story, Admiral Ackbar is in every episode. He's the most trusted adviser to the young king. I've embedded a clip below for your enjoyment so please check it out. And no, I've no idea if these are available on Netflix.If you are intrigued and want to see more, check out this fan-made trailer for Season Four. It's one of the coolest I've seen online and actually shows those squid-ships I talked about above.

Ventress is a villain I can really cozy up to

Asajj Ventress is pictured above wielding one red lightsaber, but more often than not, she is found with two in hand (see picture below). Remember in one of the Star Wars movies when Yoda said that, "Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny?" Well that little line fed to Luke doesn't appear to be true at all.

Correction, maybe it was true for Darth Sidious, Darth Maul, Darth Vader, and Darth Tyrannus, but it never was for Ventress. She always did what she wanted to do. To be fair though, she never got the "Darth" title either, which may have something to do with her ability to just walk the line as far as good and bad goes. I have no idea if that's because she's just got a really strong mind, or if it's because she's a woman. Maybe Yoda just didn't get it right because he was a dude. Something to think on, eh? If I recall details from the Star Wars extended universe, there are other women who used the Dark Side who also ended up coming back from it too. Was Mara Jade one? I hope someone can weigh-in on the comments below with regard to my theory of "women being particularly resistant to the dark side."
For awhile, Asajj Ventress worked for the Separatist army and their endless droids.Anyway, Asajj got recognized as a child when she was given away for training among the Jedi. Her master taught her some and her strength in the force grew. Unfortunately for her though, that all ended when her master got killed.

Ventress' story is replete with tragedy.  Recognized for being a Force prodigy, Ventress wound up at some point training with Count Dooku who took her rudimentary training and turned it into a formidable weapon that he and his Separatist army could rely upon.

Fearless in battle, Asajj Ventress wasn't afraid to take on Obi-Wan and other Jedi. She even fought him alongside Anakin, and it made for some of the greatest lightsaber combats. Despite the fact that Ventress always lost, she always got away too. That's a sign of a good villain. Ventress always had a reliable escape plan at the ready if things ever went sour.

At some point in season 3 of The Clone Wars, Ventress got so powerful that she created a "disturbance in the force." Darth Sidious contacted Darth Tyrannus (Count Dooku) and ordered him to kill Ventress, because she'd gotten too powerful. Dooku whined some because he really liked her, but acquiesced and tried to have her killed by blowing up the starship she was on. Of course, Ventress escaped and went home to the Nightsisters (her family) to plot her revenge on Dooku.

That "revenge" didn't go well. It ended up destroying the Nightsisters clan leaving her alone in the universe. At that point, Ventress wasn't "sith" anymore or necessarily a "nightsister." She was a free agent doing whatever she wanted to do.

Surprisingly, Ventress came to the rescue of Obi-Wan, helping him to fight Savage Opress and Darth Maul when he got cornered and overwhelmed. And in the series finale, she proved instrumental by allying with Ahsoka Tano and Anakin to oust Barriss Offee as the Jedi responsible for framing Ahsoka in the bombing of the Jedi temple.
The actress who played Barriss Offee in the second movie. The
quote is from the 2003 Clone Wars shorts from Cartoon Network.
Barriss Offee was the student of Master Luminara UnduleeIn the clip below is a great scene of Barriss Offee and Ahsoka Tano fighting in the streets of Coruscant. Now, Barriss at this point is disguised as Asajj Ventress. Barriss is extremely powerful and overwhelmed Asajj and took her lightsabers to complete the disguise. Asajj never had the kind of telekinesis that Barriss wields and neither did anyone else. I think Barriss (as I've said before) was probably the most powerful telekinetic to have ever lived in the Star Wars universe. If you watch carefully, you'll see what I'm talking about. She doesn't even have to visualize objects to hurl them around (she can be behind corners). My original post on Barriss can be found HERE . And yeah, Ahsoka (even though she's basically a Jedi Knight at this point) doesn't stand a chance. I'm a little miffed with The Clone Wars being canceled because I want to know what happened with Barriss, Asajj, and Ahsoka. These are three very interesting women whose storylines are basically just "cut off" with no resolution in the series finale. It's enough to make me say "arrrggghhh!" Enjoy the clip.
And below is a second (extremely short clip) showing a deleted scene from the original Clone Wars episode because it was too "controversial." Watch it and see the personality of Ventress in full force (another reason I really liked her).

Undead are rare in the Clone Wars but they do exist and so does magic

Undead Dathomirian Nightsisters. Kinda cool eh? Click to Embiggen.I think that most people tend to think of Star Wars as lying firmly in the genre of science fiction space opera. However, I tend to think of it as a fantasy more than science-fiction. The Jedis are just wizards with swords, and then there's the whole Nightsister clan that gave birth to Asajj Ventress (Sith apprentice to Count Dooku depending on where you find her in the storyline) on the planet Dathomir.
Mother Talzin is a bonafide true sorceress in the complete sense of the word.The episode "Massacre" is number 19 in season four. After failing to kill Dooku or control Savage Opress, Asajj Ventress is advised by Mother Talzin to reject the ways of the Sith and rejoin the Nightsisters. However, an angered and fearful Count Dooku is determined to see the end of Ventress and Mother Talzin. Via Dooku's command, General Grievous launches a droid assault, only to find an army of undead Dathomirian Nightsisters' awakened by Daka, the eldest of the Sister's clan. Talzin creates a voodoo doll to finish off Dooku, whilst Ventress and Grievous square-off in saber combat. Ventress downs Grievous, however she is helpless to watch as the last of her sisters on Dathomir are massacred. The episode closes with the green misty spirit of Mother Talzin bidding farewell and good luck to Ventress, whom is now left to grieve for her clan.
This is Daka, Eldest of the Nightsister clan. Unlike other grandmothers
who bake bread, Daka is a super powerful necromancer who calls forth
undead from their graves to defend their homeworld. I guess she also makes
a mean stew. My take: I love the special effects in this episode and the Nightsisters made for some very interesting characters. It kind of added a third element to Star Wars. On the one side we have the Jedi. On the other we have the Sith. And then there's this murky gray area of practicing witches that can cast actual magic. Mother Talzin demonstrated tremendous power. She had illusions, could create objects out of nothing, turn her people invisible or into undead warriors, and the list goes on and on.
Now that you know magic is very much alive and well in the Star Wars universe, how does this sit with you? In other words...are you a Star Wars purist who doesn't want magic to infuse an otherwise "sci-fi" storyline? Or do you welcome the magic and hope that they use it in the Star Wars movies made by Disney? I sure do. I'm actually getting kind of jaded with the whole "I'm a Jedi; you're a Sith! We must battle!" I would like to see combats that have more than just glittering lightsabers and electrical fingers frying people. My love affair with telekinesis is kind of over too. Been there, done that. Let's have a Dumbledore vs. Voldemort recap in the Star Wars universe! Below is a very exciting clip that shows the end of the poor Nightsisters and the death of Daka. Oh well...she was really old.

Tarkin is first a Captain and last a Grand Moff but always an extremist

Captain Tarkin is on the rightFor those of you who are fans of the original Star Wars movies, you may remember Grand Moff Tarkin having this little exchange with Princess Leia:

"The more you tigthen your grip, Tarkin, the more star systems will slip through your fingers."
                                       --Leia Organa to Grand Moff Tarkin

We get to know Tarkin a lot better in the cartoon series The Clone Wars. One of the episodes I'm thinking of is "Citadel" and it's subsequent sequels that take place near the tail end of the third season. In that episode, Captain Tarkin and Jedi General Even Piell undertook a mission to find the Nexus Route, a strategically valuable hyperspace route which would lead into both the heart of the Galactic Republic and the Confederacy of Independent Systems (that's where all the Separatist planets are). During the mission, they were ambushed and attacked by Separatist forces. Before they got boarded, Piell and Tarkin each memorized half of the information regarding the Nexus Route before erasing it from the ship's computer files. After being forced to surrender, Tarkin and Piell, along with other officers were taken as prisoners to the Citadel, a Separatist prison on Lola Sayu.
Captain Tarkin at the end of season five sentencing Ahsoka Tano for
bombing the Jedi Temple. His manner, appearance, and uniform strike
me as being very "Nazi" ish, which I'm sure is intended. Needless to say, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Anakin Skywalker, and padawan Ahsoka Tano rescue Tarkin from the Citadel. However, not before Tarkin let's loose with this little bit of conversation to Anakin:

Anakin:  "You lack faith in the Jedi."
Tarkin:  "I find their tactics ineffective. The Jedi Code prevents them from going far enough to achieve victory, to do whatever it takes to win, the very reason why peacekeepers should not be leading a war."

Basically, what Tarkin says reminds me of what I think a dictator would say. You know...the kind like Assad of Syria that would feel it's okay to turn chemical weapons on his own people. Also, with regard to the above quote, Anakin agrees with Tarkin in that episode. All the signs were there. Obi-Wan should not have been surprised that Anakin went to the Dark Side so easily. In this YouTube clip Anakin and Tarkin exchange words, basically trying to outdo each other on how well they know Chancellor Palpatine (he later becomes the Emperor).
I'm pretty sure that at the time of Star Wars: A New Hope arrived, Tarkin was the most powerful non-Force user in the Empire. I think he even outranked Vader, but don't quote me on that. It just sure seemed like it.