Michael Offutt's Blog, page 135

My pick for best and worst movie remake

Today I'm participating in the Best and Worst Movie Remakes Blogfest :) When Hollywood runs out of ideas, they remake older films. Sometimes this works, and sometimes it fails miserably.

The object of the blog fest is to list the best remake you’ve ever seen and the worst.

HOSTED BY:Alex J. CavanaughStephen Tremp Father Dragon Al Livia Peterson 
The remake I enjoyed the best is the reboot of Star Trek by J.J. Abrams. I think that he did a great job of reinventing the universe and giving us a great crew that I really enjoy watching. I hope that there are many sequels in the works. I did go see Into Darkness last night and I loved it. Go see it (worth full price)!
The remake I enjoyed the least is the new Conan movie with Jason Momoa in the role that Arnold Schwarzenegger made famous. It lacked any cohesion and just failed on so many levels. I really wanted the reboot to work too, because I like the Conan world. Ah well. Maybe Arnold's shoes are just too big to fill.
There was a bonus question to list the worst and/or best song remake I've ever heard. But I'm going to deviate from that and list the worst decision I think Hollywood made this year in a film. They killed Channing Tatum off in the last G.I. Joe movie (and it happened right off the bat, and it wasn't heroic at all). I like Channing Tatum. I think it actually made me depressed, and I didn't enjoy the rest of the movie after that.
And that's it. Have a great weekend.

Eleven science-fiction men troubled by their throne and one queen who needs saving

Elric of Menibone by Michael Moorcock sitting on the ruby throne. The albino emperor loses
everything to the dastardly demon sword Stormbringer. In the end, it even destroys the world. Batman is one troubled dude. I think it's the chair that did it to him. Art by
LoHanNinja. Visit her at DeviantArt If you don't know who this is, you should slap yourself. King Conan. This is the only time we'll ever see "Ahnold" as King. It lasts
for about 10 seconds so don't blink or you'll miss it. Odin in the movie Thor. Aside from the chair being way overdone, those
ravens are well-behaved. I'd a thought they'd shit all over it. Again, if you don't know where this scene comes from, you should just
hand over your nerd card right now. The Captain's Chair People! It's the throne of the Enterprise! Are you
seeing Star Trek tonight? *NODS HEAD. OMIGAWDICANTWAIT
*Passes out <<Thud>> Robb Stark on the Iron Throne. Yeah he's a troubled troubled man. RIDDICK! THE MOVIE IS COMING CHECK OUT THE TRAILER BELOWS! Harry Seldon saw the future and it wasn't pretty for the Empire. Nope.
Cover Art for "Foundation" by Isaac Asimov done by Michael Whelan. Thanos. If he isn't trouble, I don't know what is. Here's the only woman I could find on a throne in science-fiction/fantasy. But
don't worry. I read this book and she has to be rescued by a man. And while
she's on the throne, all she does is sleep anyway. Lazy wimmenz.
Cover art by Keith Parkinson.Riddick is back. I'm glad they didn't cast "The Rock" in this one.Dwayne Johnson makes Vin look small. LOL.

The Serpent's Egg left me in awe of the world-building on Defiance

I watched the Defiance episode "The Serpent's Egg" on Monday and am in awe of their world-building. As a fan of world-building myself, one of the things that struck me in the episode is how they are peeling the layers back from the mystery that is Irisa, and in doing so, revealing a lot about the world after the invasion. How do they do this? It's a perfect expose of "Show" and don't tell. Writers, you should be listening.
This is the leader of the snake cult that tortured and probably sexually molested Irisa as a child
when her awful parents gave her to him for such experiments. The introduction of this character
hints at a very dark religion that not only sounds villainous, but may have true power because of
Irisa's burgeoning supernatural abilities. I wonder if she'll get manipulated into serving them in the future.Irisa spots a sharply-dressed Irathient that spawns quick flashes of snakes and some kind of ritual that could make your blood go cold if you walked in on it accidentally. Obviously, the Irathient man is no stranger and is somehow connected to Irisa's past but we don't quite know yet how all the pieces fit together. When they do come together...it's almost Manson-esque weird. She kidnaps this guy and forces a snake to bite him while he's tied to a chair. Only after that does he finally admit to belonging to a snake cult and we are treated to a tale of how her parents sold her as a child to him to basically be tortured and probably sexually abused. We also find out that he's done this same thing to a number of girls, and Irisa is the only one that survived. Yikes! But that's not all. Irisa is some kind of prophet or messiah and only needs to cap one sacrifice to make "something big" happen.

The whole reveal is done with great skill.  First, the episode does a great job of convincing you that Irisa might have lost her mind. She continuously beats up and tortures her prisoner in a dark dungeon somewhere in Defiance. And he keeps denying that he is who she thinks he is. But later, you realize that this is just a vehicle for her to jog her memory, and once she knows everything she actually chooses to let him go.

Simultaneously with this storyline, there's also one that follows Nolan and the Mayor out of Defiance with a suitcase of cash. Nolan is escorting a dangerous criminal to a prison in Las Vegas and on the ride we are introduced to Ambassador Tennety who turns out to be evil AND a polygamist. When was the last time you got treated to a woman keeping multiple men around? And the polygamy bit is not related to her evil (which is simply nature vs. views on marriage).

I also learned that the St. Louis arch is now a deejay studio. I suppose that works. I'm really pleased with how much I understand of Defiance just a few episodes in. Plus it's a reminder that rather than employing an info dump, it's much better to create your world through the experiences of your protagonist.

Are you watching Defiance yet? Do you think it's brilliant science fiction? What method do you employ to build worlds in your novels?

Have a great Wednesday.

When a man who defeats the cybermen offers to make you queen of the universe, you really should say yes

This last Saturday on BBC America, "A Nightmare in Silver" aired making it the 12th episode of the current season of Dr. Who. I suppose I had unrealistic expectations of the episode as it was written by Neil Gaiman. I did like the return of the Cybermen who, if you don't know, are kind of the original borg (using the term "upgraded" as opposed to "assimilated"). I suppose the thing that surprised me the most about the episode were what I call "The Abercrombie & Fitch" implications. And I guess I don't quite like that.
A&F wants you to know that if you are the child of a white
American, this is how you should look if you want to have
friends, if you want to be popular, if you want to get sex.Allow me to explain. If you don't know, recently CEO Michael Jeffries of Abercrombie & Fitch (when asked why he refuses to make clothes for larger women) responded:

"In every school there are the cool and popular kids and then there are the not-so-cool kids. We go after the cool kids...That's why we hire good-looking people in our stores. Because good-looking people attract other good-looking people, and we want to market to cool, good-looking people. We don't want to market to anyone other than that."

So basically, if you're fat you're ugly. If you're the wrong size, you're ugly. And no one wants to be friends with an ugly person. Make no mistake, I think Michael Jeffries is an asshole. But then I watched "A Nightmare in Silver" and Porridge who turned out to be the Emperor of the Universe proposed to Clara (the latest in a string of Dr. Who companions). And she said "no."
Porridge played by Warwick Davis of Lucasfilm fame. He was a great guy
in this show. But not only that, Porridge was the Emperor of the Universe.
That's kind of cool, if you ask me. But he'd never be able to wear A&F clothes.I can't help but think if he wasn't a dwarf (played by Warwick Davis) and looked like Rory or the guy that plays Prince Charming, she would have said yes. What kind of message does this send? Well I got the picture loud and clear. The rules are the same in Britain as they are in America. If you're short and fat, it doesn't matter if you can offer the girl the universe. Because the negative, i.e., being short and fat is the straw that breaks the camels back.
I can't help but think if Porridge had come in the above package instead of being a "dwarf" that
Clara Oswold might have said yes to his marriage proposal. And knowing that makes the whole
episode kind of stink in my opinion. I don't like the message.Dr. Who is looking less and less an escape, and more and more a reality check for me. Because even when a man offers to make Clara queen of the universe, if he doesn't "fit the bill" it's an automatic no. And let's keep in mind that Clara is a rather insane character. She's died multiple times in history and one time even ended up a Dalek. So why in all that misery could she not have said yes to Porridge and bid the doctor goodbye and seen where that other path led?
I suppose the most important aspect of this show is the return and reinvention
of the cybermen. Maybe I should have focused on that. Maybe if I had
I'd be happier with how Mr. Gaiman brought this bad guy back.Yes, I enjoyed the episode and the reinvention of the Cybermen as an army of creatures so dangerous it warrants blowing up a planet if you spot just one.  They are terrifying in a way that the Weeping Angels aren't.  But I didn't enjoy "A Nightmare in Silver" as much as "The Dr.'s Wife," which Mr. Gaiman wrote last year. Also, just mentioning this fact makes me think of yet another point that I'd make to Clara Oswold if I could: the doctor can never love you Clara because he's already married to the Tardis. And that's just how it must be forever and for always.
Clara, you should have accepted the role as queen of the universe. It could have been much worse.  *Shakes fist at Neil Gaiman.  I'd say to Mr. Gaiman if I could, "I suppose you and Mr. Jeffries of A&F have a lot more in common than I thought."

Jewel of Shaylar is available today and I think you should buy it

Did you have a great weekend? I hope all of you are nodding yes. I really am feeling summer coming on, and I spent at least one evening on the patio at The Copper Onion enjoying what downtown Salt Lake City has to offer with wonderful warmth urging everything into bloom. Anyway, today I wanted to give a shout out to my blogging pal, Laura Eno. Her book called Jewel of Shaylar is available for download today, and it looks incredible. I've just barely started reading it. I couldn't imagine more fabulous cover art. Here's the blurb:

Archaeologist David Alexander investigates the cave where his father disappeared and hurtles into another world, one filled with magic and bizarre creatures. The mad ravings in his father's journals of icemen and dragons may not be fantasies after all.

Convinced his father may still be alive, David begins a treacherous journey to find him and discover a way home. Along the way, he encounters a few unlikely friends. A Dreean warrior, a beautiful thief and a satyr join him as he searches.

David's arrival into this new world sets off an explosive chain reaction of events. Faced with powerful adversaries and few clues, he may not get the chance to rescue his father before disaster strikes, condemning both of them to death. Or worse.

I really want to know what's worse than death. Color me intrigued...

LINKS for checking out Jewel of Shaylar:

Read Excerpt:
Purchase Jewel of Shaylar at these fine online retailers:
KindleUS  |  KindleUK | Nook | Smashwords | Kobo | Trade Paperback
Add to your Goodreads Laura Eno. Speculative Fiction wordsmith. The secret to her stories? Spread lies, blend in truths, add a pinch of snark and a dash of tears. Escape into her world. She left the porch light on so you could find your way down the rabbit hole.
Follow Me!http://lauraeno.com/bloghttp://www.facebook.com/AuthorLauraEnohttp://twitter.com/lauraeno
Have a great Monday.

If Tony Stark were real I think he would look a lot like Richard Branson

One week ago, Iron Man 3 came out and sucked up all the money in the world (or at least a good portion of it). Despite some of the misgivings I had regarding the poorly done adaptation of the Mandarin from comic book to film, I did leave the theater once again in awe of the absolute wealth wielded by Tony Stark. For example, I loved his Malibu home. It's incredible and decorated exactly how I like: bold, new, and contemporary. I love his fast cars, snarky "screw it, let's do it" attitude, and I admire the way he could have all of his toys completely destroyed and it doesn't stress him out one bit. Seriously. It's because he's got so much money, he could care less. That in itself is just awesome. When a person reaches that level of success, they literally have "F U Money," a term I coined to describe the fact that you are "beholdin'" to no one in the world.
I can't even imagine being able to say these lines (but it would be cool if I could): "Eh? My $100 million dollar house got blown up? Dangit. Pepper get another one built while I go on vacation to Catalina. And schedule me a massage, and buy me a new fleet of cars. Those other ones were the wrong color anyway."

So I started to think? Is this at all realistic? Are there real life men out there that wield this kind of wealth and power? Yep. The first person that comes to mind is Richard Branson of Virgin Group fame.
Richard is British, so that automatically puts him in the group of men on which James Bond may be modeled, and he's got a brand that's both sounds sexy and simultaneously houses more than 250 companies. Under the Virgin umbrella you'll find travel, publishing, mobile phone service, wine vineyards, health clubs, etc. He owns the world's first commercial spacecraft under Virgin Galactic giving ordinary people like you and me the opportunity to see space for a mere $200,000 a ticket. He owns his own island, offers millions of dollars in prize money to "green" projects that have to do with removing greenhouse gases from the atmosphere, and has plans to travel to the deepest points of all five oceans via Virgin Oceanic.

So yea, I think if Tony Stark were real he would look a lot like Richard Branson. It also begs the question (because I'm a writer), when you write about a larger than life character, do you model it after someone in real life?

Did I make my case? Agree? Disagree? Leave your opinions in the comments and have a great weekend :)

Remembering Season 3 of The Walking Dead with five awesome zombie kills

1) Death by silly string zombie. Okay, it's not silly string. But it's just as entertaining to watch Michonne kill this walker with some wire.
2) Death by Subaru hatchback zombie. Seriously, this is the BEST. PRODUCT. PLACEMENT. EVER. I'm sure Crocodile Dundee would agree.
3) Crush zombie head into a pile of goo death. Glen you are #AWESOME!
4) Rick Grimes going all "HULK SMASH" on a zombie.
5) Who can forget face peel zombie?! Whoever thought this up is seriously a genius. So yeah, season 3 has been over for a month now, and season 4 just started filming in Georgia. Oh what a long summer this is gonna be. But for you ladies out there, I leave you with this thought: Have a great Thursday :)

On Defiance, inclusion rather than avoiding exclusion is the key to equality. Are you listening America?

I happen to think that the mechanism that fosters inequality in America right now is a lack of inclusion, rather than a conscious avoidance of exclusion. And I choose my words carefully here.

As you well know, exclusion (or discrimination) is illegal in the United States when it comes to employment. However, inclusion (or favoritism) is not. It's also a lot harder to spot, but is almost universal in today's job market. Think about what I'm saying for just a moment.

You choose to help people who RESEMBLE YOU. The people who live in your neighborhood or attend your church or school. Whites help other whites. Blacks help other blacks. Mormons help other Mormons. Baptists help other Baptists. Jews help other Jews. Gay people help other gay people. That's just the way things are generally done. I'm not saying that this is either bad or good. I'm not making a judgment here. I'm just pointing out the obvious so that my next point is crystal clear.
Monday night's episode of Defiance on SyFy called "A Well-Respected Man" is absolutely f'ing brilliant. To be clear, the plot was "meh." Here's the one sentence pitch for you writers out there: the mayor's sister gets kidnapped and she needed to find her. Exciting, right? But it's not the plot (or the one sentence pitch) that matters in this case. It's the character and "world" development, and how Defiance very skillfully plays its hand showing us that inclusion is the best way to surmount the ugly specter of inequality in all its forms.
Datak is a Casthithan. They all have a kind of albino appearance and milky hair.
They're familial structure is extremely important to them and a source of their
power. They also seem to suffer an external locus of identity, meaning that
their self-worth is completely dependent on how others perceive them.In "A Well Respected Man," Amanda (the Mayor) gives her sister Kenya grief for being a prostitute. Of course to Kenya, she's like a duck with the "words words words" rolling off her back like so many droplets of water. Shortly after their verbal sparring, Kenya gets kidnapped by the Bioman; Nolan (in the role of Lawkeeper) along with Amanda must track her down. Since the Bioman is owned by Datak (a Casthithan), that's where they end up going to squeeze Datak for information.
Datak on the left. Lawkeeper Nolan on the right. They don't like each other much.A little background on Datak: he's been trying to achieve a level of respect equal to his power and wealth. He knew nothing of the Bioman's nocturnal activities, i.e. kidnapping people to harvest their adrenal glands for a synthetic drug that's apparently worth a lot of money (it also kills them, but that's just "collateral damage" in the pursuit of profit, right?) Anyway, he would have helped the Mayor (Amanda) just to be a hero, however, Datak and Nolan don't get along at all, and Nolan burst down Datak's door and drags him out into the street, treating him like a common cur. It really pisses Datak off. So Datak hands Nolan and Amanda some great lines about how the town uses him all the time but never recognizes him. It's all true. And that, Datak says, is the reason he won't help Amanda find her sister. Pretty awful eh? Hold on...it gets better.
This is Stahma. She's Datak's wife and is extremely intelligent. Nolan kind
of gets this in the episode "A Well Respected Man" and certainly is
aware that she is a master manipulator. I like Stahma though. All of her
manipulations seem to be aimed at getting her husband respect or wealth,
which I think is an admirable quality as long as no one gets hurt.Stahma (Datak's wife) slips out and tracks down Amanda in the dark. Stahma tells Amanda that she loves Kenya because 1) she calls her employees "Night Porters" showing Stahma that Kenya has pride in her prostitutes, and 2) Kenya ran up to Stahma the first time they saw each other in the street and hugged her. How is this at all good? Well, Kenya said something important to Stahma...something that she desperately needed. Kenya told her, "Datak is an amazing man. Thank you for sharing him with us." In Casthithan society, sex is pretty loose. But no spouse would be cool about their partner seeking physical pleasure elsewhere. Period. Kenya recognized this and turns the act of Datak visiting her brothel from "exclusion" to "inclusion" by acknowledging it. Brilliant? I say so.
This is Mayor Amanda (on the left) and her sister Kenya (on the right). We come to find
out that Amanda actually raised Kenya when their mother got killed. She takes it very
personally when a woman on the street confronts her, saying "Kenya must have had a terrible
mother!" It's meant as an insult because Kenya was sleeping with the lady's husband
(who visited the brothel) and thus was ruining her marriage.Stahma (using this theme of inclusion vs. exclusion) carefully points out to the Mayor that Datak's immense pride has been hurt and in order to save Kenya's life (and secure Datak's help), Amanda needs to show Datak respect. What form will this respect take? Stahma tells Amanda she wants her husband appointed to the Town Council, which not only ups the political intrigue of the show as a whole, but hammers home the idea that inclusion is probably the best way to address discrimination.

Inclusion rather than avoiding exclusion is the road to equality in Defiance. I just wish more people realized this outside of science fiction, and strove harder to include others who are very different from themselves. Yes, Defiance is brilliant. And if you're not watching it, shame on you. I put it right up there with Battlestar Galactica. If you haven't heard of Defiance until now, watch this trailer. SyFy spent $100 million on season one alone.

The yummy of life is often concealed by things we don't want.

A group of alumni highly established in their careers got together to visit their old college professor. Conversation soon turned to complaints about stress in work and life. Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot and an assortment of cups: porcelain, plastic  glass, crystal, some plain-looking, some expensive, some exquisite. He told his guests to help themselves.

After everyone had a cup in hand, the professor said, "If you notice, all the nice-looking expensive cups have been taken up, leaving behind only the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. Be assured that the cup adds no quality to the coffee. In most cases, it's just more expensive and oftentimes even hides what we drink.

"What all of you really wanted was coffee and not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups. And then you began eyeing each other's cup. Now consider this: life is the coffee. The jobs, money, and position in society are the cups. They're just tools to hold and contain LIFE. And the type of cup we have does not define, nor change the quality of life we live. Sometimes...by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee.

"The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything."

                   --author unknown

The yummy of life is often concealed by things we don't want.
Have a great Tuesday.

The Climb on A Game of Thrones teaches us that selfishness is the way to your doom

I honestly could not imagine the upper body strength it would take to
climb The Wall. I guess I'd never make it as a Wildling. Good thing my
plans would be to live in Highgarden.Last night's episode of "A Game of Thrones" was built around the premise of a climb. In one case, this climb is quite literal with Jon Snow having to tackle the 700 foot icy death wall that separates the free North from the lands of the South. In a metaphysical sense, it emerged from a soliloquy delivered by Littlefinger to Varys where he made up a lot of b.s. about how "Chaos is not a pit, it's a ladder" and eluding to the fact that in chaos there is opportunity for those who are bold enough to seek it out "balls to the wall" style.

In truth, Littlefinger's speech came across to me with a definitive Tony Robins-esque "self help" style. It almost sounded like a guru paid to convince you to pull yourself up by your bootstraps while coaching you that it's okay to walk across burning coals when in fact, the only reason it works is because there's a "trick" to it. And where there are "tricks" to anything, it also means it isn't legit (because the only way you fail is by not doing the "trick").

So what was "The Climb" really about? In my opinion, it had to do with sacrifice for the realm versus being a selfish prick. If you do what's right by the realm, then the realm prospers (and consequently you prosper too). Varys a.k.a. "The Spider" had maneuvered Sansa Stark and Loras of Highgarden together. This would have solidified two relatively strong families and made Sansa happy. Loras could have saved his reputation as a "sword swallower" and probably made a good husband while carrying on discreet affairs with his squires at night.
It's always interesting when Varys and Littlefinger meet. I truly like
Varys, even though I'd never trust him. These two are always at each
other's throats, and I hope that someday Varys out maneuvers
Littlefinger. I think Varys is the perfect counterweight to this rat in robes.But of course, that all got put on the back burner for selfish reasons, namely Littlefinger's. And I've a feeling there's going to be more blood shed as a result of Littlefinger's selfishness (think of it as anti-realm and completely pro-Littlefinger) than the death of poor Roz who got murdered by Joffrey because Littlefinger felt betrayed.

How did it happen? Well Littlefinger clued Cersei into the arrangement made by the Tyrells, undoing all the hard work Varys had done. This led to more selfish decisions by Tywin to marry Sansa and Tyrion (which is doomed) and to marry Cersei to Loras (also doomed). And let's not forget Robb who in the role of hypocrite is trying to force one of his lords to marry a Frey girl in the hopes that this will patch up the grievous wrong he dealt Walter Frey by casting aside his vows. He's doomed too. Ironically the one that deserves doom the most is Littlefinger, but he as yet seems immune to it.

Everyone that's been selfish is doomed. Doom Doom Doom. It's like the drums underneath the Great Hall of Moria in the Fellowship of the Ring.

I think "The Climb" on A Game of Thrones teaches us that selfishness is the way to your doom. It has nothing to do with chaos or whether you want to visualize it as a pit or a ladder (both being absurd metaphors for true chaos). If anything, the only ones in last night episode that were truly doing things for "The Realm" were Jon Snow and Ygritte. And because of that, they made it to the top of the Wall and got to see the world spreading out before them horizon to horizon.  Maybe Ygritte should change her line from "You know nothing Jon Snow," to "You know everything Jon Snow" because Jon (like Daenerys) is most definitely not selfish.

Still, the title of the episode was well-named, and I enjoyed it immensely. I look forward to seeing next week's installment with baited breath.