Pete Wilson's Blog, page 16

Are You Being Manipulated?

The sad truth is, every day, I manipulate and I get manipulated. We manipulate others for all kinds of reasons.

Some people in this world are kings and queens of the art of getting their own way. It’s amazing how some people are able to achieve their agenda through the use of manipulation. The true masters are the agents of chaos in groups, organizations, and families pursuing selfish hidden agendas for their own gain.

There’s a lot of tricks manipulators use – lies, the silent treatment, guilt trips, threats (like we’re going to leave your church, or we’ll never be friends again). But the one method I see used the most by manipulators that you need to be aware of is by making a personal statement and pretending it is someone else’s. This allows manipulative people to put the blame on someone else, therefore not taking responsibility for his or her own opinion.

Such as…

“We were wondering if you…”

“Others were disappointed”

“They said you…”

“She thought you…”

“Everyone thinks you…”

If you hear these statements or spot them in a email or text, be very careful. It doesn’t automatically mean there’s not some truth in what they’re about to say, but it almost always guarantees there is some kind of hidden agenda. More often than not, they’re about to try to manipulate you to feel a certain way or do a certain thing.

My encouragement to you is to ask who is “we”, “they”, or “someone” and ask for the manipulator’s own point of view. Don’t allow them to add urgency or weight to their point of view by speaking for “everyone” else. They’re making a dangerous and faulty assumption that everyone else thinks exactly like they do, so you should in fact think the way they think or feel the way they feel.

Don’t fall for it.

Keep Hanging On

I sometimes think we’ve turned the life of faith into some kind of religious X Games. When we think of people of great faith, we think of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego in the fiery furnace; or Corrie ten Boom, who sheltered Jews and was ultimately imprisoned in the concentration camps during World War II; or maybe we even think of someone we’re acquainted with who has made a radical life change in order to enter a mission field or work in inner-city ministry.

In my latest book entitled “What Keeps You Up At Night” I wrote…

“I think we need to remember that God can also use acts of everyday courage and day-to-day faith. He honors the person who decides to love someone who others find unlovable. He exalts the individual who commits to being honest, no matter the personal consequences. He loves those who trust Him with their finances, even when things are tight and the future is unclear. He takes joy in the single mom who goes to one more job interview, even though she’s already heard “no” over and over again, because she is determined to improve her situation in life. These, too, are acts of faith that delight the heart of our Creator.”

“But,” someone may ask, “How do you know when you’re supposed to keep hanging on and when you’re supposed to give up and move on to something else?”

That’s a legitimate question, and I can’t give an absolute, one-size-fits-all answer. I will suggest, though, that based on my observation, most of us give up too easily and too early. So, my bias would be on the side of persevering, rather than throwing in the towel.

My other comment is that, as a pastor and advisor, it is not usually my job to help you figure out your limits or to define your reality. Instead, I believe it is more often my task to help you see all the possibilities God is placing before you.

One of those possibilities is considering all that God may be doing in you and through you, even in the midst of your struggle and uncertainty. Yes, you are facing uncertain times, but is it possible that God is using your steadfastness amid difficulty to inspire someone else’s flagging faith? Yes, you have heard “no” over and over again, but is it possible God is preparing you for a new opportunity you would never have considered if you had already gotten your “yes”?

I’ll admit it’s hard to see all the possibilities when you’re worried about being able to hang on until tomorrow. It takes a very special type of heart to keep believing during the hard times. But it helps to remember that God specializes in the unexpected. He is into the unpredictable, the unlooked-for.

He is the original author of the surprise ending.

Shawn Johnson On Fear

At age 16, Shawn Johnson accomplished one of the most difficult tasks in the world – winning an Olympic Gold Medal. I think it would be very easy for her to come away from that success and fear that maybe her biggest accomplishments, or even her best days, are already behind her. But, what I love about Shawn is that, despite her fears, she chooses to believe that God isn’t finished with her yet!

And I think that’s something that we can all relate to. No matter what you’ve accomplished or not, if you’re still breathing, God isn’t finished with you yet! Your success doesn’t need to be defined by an Olympic medal or how much money is in your bank account or what kind of car you drive – what matters more is whether or not you are seeking out God’s plan for your life.

 

What Instagram Isn’t Telling You

Someone once said that people are like icebergs; most of who we are is hidden below the surface. Nowhere is that more true than when thinking about the topic of fear and failure.

Consider this: In a typical day, how many of the people you interact with mention their greatest fear or something they’re struggling with? I would guess the answer, at least for most of us, is “not many” or “none.”

Most of us try, to some extent, to present a brave face to the world. When we pass somebody in the hall at work and they ask “how’s it going?” we usually respond “good, how about you?” If you strike up a conversation with somebody in the car pool or at a chance encounter at the mall, they’ll most often leave you with the impression that everything is rolling along pretty smoothly.

In fact, it requires pretty dire circumstances for most of us to admit to anybody that we are dealing with something bad or that we are fearful about the future.

We take the same approach on social media, posting the best picture of our wife and kids when really we just had a big blowup and slept on the couch last night. Or we put filter after filter on the picture of the salad we ate this afternoon (the first salad in months…) so we look like health nuts or foodies.

This, often times, leads us to conclude, during our times of anxiety and difficulty, that we must be weird, messed up, or otherwise unusual. After all, everybody else is doing well— they told you so! But the fact is that many— if not most— of the people around you are keeping their own problems, fears, and anxieties hidden below the surface, which allows us to inaccurately assume that we are the only ones experiencing conflict or adversity.

Does that seem odd to you?

It’s so easy for us to assume everyone else has their life together, but when we think of our own situations, we see them in the form of worst-case scenarios.

I have two pieces of good news for you:

You are not the only one who slept on the couch last night! And I can guarantee your college roommate’s life isn’t as perfect as the Instagram-filtered version.
Whatever is going on in your life, you can choose, right now, to focus on God. You can remember that your help comes from God, not from you. And God is bigger than any fear you are facing right now, no matter what it is.

 

 

Do You Have A Spirit Of Fear?

I think a lot of us have a spirit of fear that we are wrestling with every single day. You’ve got a lot of fear and anxiety and worry that may have to do with your relationships, your finances, your children – whatever it is that keeps you up at night.

If that’s you, I want you to know two things:

1. You are not alone. I wish I could grab you by the shoulders and make you believe that! God has not abandon you; draw near to Him and He will draw near to you! He’s there, even if you don’t feel him or see him, He is with you!

2. I want you to run! Don’t run away, run to your hiding place, your true hiding place – not to the corner of the house that makes you feel safe, not under a blanket, or behind a bottle. Your true hiding place is in Him, because He is the only one who can give you the peace that you’re searching for.

I promise you, maybe not today, maybe not even tomorrow or next week, but eventually, you will walk away with a tremendous amount of courage. The kind of courage that can only come from trusting in a God that is much bigger than our fears.

Don’t Fear, Just Trust

As we are pursuing our dreams, it’s easy to get caught up in our fears. We begin to doubt ourselves, despite knowing that God has called us to move.

Exodus 4:11 -12 “Is it not I, the Lord? Now go; I will help you speak and teach you what to say.”

The problem is, while you want the goal or the miracle, you don’t want the sacrifice or the risk that comes along with having to trust God.

Obedience is no guarantee that we are going to be spared delays or difficulties, but it’s important to get to a place where you are able to trust God’s promptings over your plans.

 

Choosing To Cheat

I read a great book a couple of years ago by Andy Stanley entitled “Choosing To Cheat”. It was life-changing for me. The premise of the book is that everyone chooses to cheat something. We simply don’t have enough time to accomplish all the things our culture tells us we need to accomplish. You’ve got a career, health, friends, family, church, a relationship with God, a house to maintain, a checkbook to balance and the list goes on and on.

You can’t do it all. So you have to choose to cheat. Everyday I’m cheating someone or something.

So here’s a question – who or what? I don’t have to ask you if you’re cheating. I already know you’re cheating, so l et’s talk about who or what you’re cheating these days.

Whatever it is that you’re cheating, I think it’s important to realize we have this choice. Everyday YOU get to choose what you’re cheating. I can’t blame this on anyone else. I can’t blame this on my job or my boss. This is MY choice.

A few years ago, I came to the realization that I was cheating my family by choosing my job over them – my schedule was overloaded with meetings and speaking engagements, and I realized at one point that I would hardly see them for an entire week! That’s when I realized that I was choosing to cheat my family for a variety of reasons…

I cheat because I get lazy. In this particular case I allowed a bunch of meetings to pile up and did not take the time to realize how this was going to impact my family life. These meetings could have easily been spread out, but instead I approved each and every one of them rather than finding an alternative to cheating my family.

I cheat because it’s easy. While I have plenty of people saying they need my time or they need my presence here or there, my family was quietly sitting at home waiting for me to choose to engage with them. A lot of time we cheat our family simply because we mistakenly think we can.

I cheat because I forget. I forget that home is the one place where I’m irreplaceable. I realized a long time ago that I’m totally replaceable as the pastor of Cross Point Church. If something happened to me tomorrow they could and would go out and find a new senior pastor.

The reality is I’m the only husband my wife has. I’m the only father my kids have. When I’m not there nobody else is doing what God has called me to do in the context of my family. So when I cheat my family they pay a much greater price than if I were to cheat whatever church or organization I might be serving.

I cheat because I’d rather be loved than love. This is a BIG one!  Most of us get quite a few accolades for the hard work we put in at the office. When I work a 15 hour day I often feel a great sense of accomplishment. I love the high-risk decisions, the writing under pressure, and the raw excitement of ministry. In fact, being loved for doing ministry can be exhilarating and addictive. It feeds my ego. This is why so many people end up with an inflated ego and a deflated family. Doesn’t sound like a very good trade off to me.

So let me ask you this – do you know why you’re cheating whomever or whatever you’re cheating?

It’s Okay To Not Be Okay

As Christians, we often think we have to be perfect or we’re going to screw everything up, or something crazy like that. This thinking puts insane pressure on us to be perfect all the time, and it’s just not realistic. That’s why we have a saying around Cross Point – it’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to have doubts. It’s okay to mess up. It’s okay to be imperfect. The beautiful thing about Christianity is that it’s based on God’s love and grace for us, rather than our good works. However, that doesn’t give us permission to give up on living the way God intends for us to live.

Because we live in a sinful world, it’s easy for us to get off track and lose our way. Even the most devout Christian can be derailed. Day in and day out, we face an endless stream of demands, desires, pressures, deadlines, duties, and expectations. We get tired. We lose focus.

This past summer I had the incredible opportunity to visit the world famous Lambeau Field, home of the Green Bay Packers. Now, I’m a Tennessee Titans fan through and through, but the opportunity to visit a place with so much history was a real treat. My boys got to run out of the players’ tunnel to the sound of tens of thousands of fans (there wasn’t actually anyone there; they just pumped the sound in over the stadium loudspeakers).

We got to walk around, soaking up all the cool history and stories about the different players and coaches who have been a part of this beloved franchise.

I love the story about Vince Lombardi during the years he coached the Green Bay Packers and fashioned them into a team that would win five NFL championships and the first two Super Bowls. Every year, on the first day of summer training camp, he would assemble the team. He would hold up a pigskin and say, “Gentlemen, this is a football.” This was Lombardi’s way of reminding these professional athletes that no one is ever too good to work on the basics.

It’s the same way in our lives. If we don’t build in times of recalibration – of renewal, resetting ourselves to the standard – we risk drifting gradually into spiritual carelessness and apathy. We lose our connection to the authentic. And perhaps more vital, when we encounter those soul-shaking times of trial and fear, we won’t be conditioned to sense God’s constant, comforting presence.

It’s a simple but profound fact – if you are living in a way that is out of tune with God, you will not have the confidence you need to live out His dreams for your life. Only by committing yourself, over and over, to placing your supreme trust in God and in him only will you remain in sync with the way God means for you to live your life.

 

Love Is All That Matters

Galatians 5:1-15

The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.

I think we have a tendency to get caught up constantly checking in with God –

Am I praying enough, God?

Am I going to church enough?

Am I reading my Bible enough?

Guess what? If you’re a Christian, Jesus has set things right with you and God, and he is far more concerned with how well you’re loving his people. The way to ultimately love God is by loving his people.

 

What Keeps You Up At Night? Pastor’s Resources

I think one of the greatest things we struggle with on a daily basis is this overwhelming spirit of fear.

 

We have a fear of…

-unemployment

-public failure

-heights

-being abandoned or forgotten

-our dreams not being fulfilled

 

I bet if you asked your congregation if they struggle with some kind of fear, every single hand would be raised. About a month ago, my book, What Keeps You Up At Night, released, and it deals with this very topic. We all have fears, especially when we’re chasing our God-given dreams, but I think it’s important to distinguish that we don’t have a fear problem, we have a faith problem. Instead of focusing on how to avoid fear, we need to learn how to trust God more.

This is a message I believe a lot of us need to be reminded of, which is why I’m excited to offer your church all the resources you need to be able to share this sermon series, FOR FREE! I know how much time and effort it takes to prepare a series that is new and challenging, so I’d like to serve you by making this as easy as possible. It will include everything from all four sermon manuscripts, videos, graphics, and more. You can use as much of it or as little as you want. It’s totally up to you!

If you’d like to take a look at the sermon manuscripts, as well as the rest of the free resources, click here.

My hope for you and your church during this series is that you will be able to guide people into having the courage it takes to take those steps of faith that are outside of their comfort zones, and walk directly into the plans that God has for their lives.