Aleksandr Voinov's Blog: Letters from the Front, page 6

Incursion - re-release

Happy to announce that Incursion is now re-released in its second edition (I cleaned up some mistakes, but that's pretty much it). Cover by the amazing Tiferet Design. It's now up everywhere on Amazon and Barnes and Noble and various others. Amazon has already combined the various editions, so you can now take advantage of the whispersync offer and have Gomez Pugh read it to you. :)



In other happy news, yesterday I completed the first draft of Witches of London at 75,000 words. I expect to launch this on 10 August (yes, this year). I was originally planning to launch the book in July, but then Brexit happened and I was too shaken and upset to write. At the moment, writing is a welcome escape though, so my mojo is back.

Next project I'm working on is a small German translation and then Exile, which is the sequel to Incursion. I also have another Witches book to write, but Im' still chewing through the plotlines.

Have a great week, everyone! 

Letter I just sent to the local MP (Brexit)

Dear [Name] MP,I’m writing to you after the political earthquake that shook the UK and the tremors I’m already beginning to feel in my own life and that of my partner and friends.I’m a German national who made [borough] their home in 2005. After having met on the internet, my English partner first came to live with me in Germany as I needed to finish my degree. Germany was going through one of its mini recessions; as a history graduate, I couldn’t find a job, and neither could my partner. I was then looking to join the German army as an officer both for the job security and because I believe in the mission of peace-keeping and reconstruction that the German army was largely devoted to, but when I faced the choice between possibly leaving my partner behind while I served an 8-/12-year term, my partner told me: “Why not move to London? You’ll find a job there. You have a degree and you speak English.”I didn’t at first believe him. I’d been disheartened by too many “Do you want to make pizza or drive a taxi” jibes from the German equivalent of the job centre. Leaving my family, my life, my friends, my language and my country behind with nothing to go on but my partner’s optimism was scary.I arrived in [Borough] in March 2005. I was determined that regardless of my education, I’d take the first job offered, regardless of pay, and had a job not six weeks later. I ended up translating German product descriptions in a data farm, doing very basic, very repetitive work for £13,000/year as a bilingual graduate. Within a couple of weeks, management realised my potential and I was quickly promoted into quality control. At £17,000, that was a big step for me, but the boost was mostly psychological. This land of opportunity for hard-working, honest workers my partner spoke about – that apparently actually existed. Within a year, I’d moved on to the research team (22K), but then I realised that data farming wasn’t what I wanted to do.So I moved on into financial journalism (20K) – and I was hired because I’m German. The job required talking to financial professionals in Germany, Austria and Switzerland, hobnobbing at conferences, watching both the UK financial markets and what was going on “at home”, building relationships between German-speaking Europe and the UK. Everybody in that team was from elsewhere—Swedish, Dutch, French, even our editor-in-chief was American.And I loved it. I loved telling people, no I hadn’t studied journalism and economics (as would have been required if I’d wanted to get a similar kind of job in, say, Germany), I had my job because UK company took a chance on me—that I could learn the skills necessary.I was a good journalist, though the financial crisis made it difficult at times. I was then hired as an editor for a small financial magazine based on that experience (27K) and eventually was head-hunted by an Italian/German bank to work as an editor (44K), which was also the time when I bought a little “two up, two down” Victorian house with garden in [road].After escaping a difficult situation in Germany, my “gamble” had paid off. We’re now a happy couple of 15 years or so, living in our little house, paying our mortgage, pursuing our careers. I’ve started a small side business in publishing and contribute to UK culture by writing novels in English.When I attend author conferences in the States, people seem to often mistake me for British due to my accent. It’s a little strange to be mistaken for British, and while I correct them, I also make sure that I bring honour to the UK. My own identity as “German” has softened sufficiently that I considered becoming fully British. After all, my partner is English, I bought a house here, I owe any career progress I’ve made, any professional success to the openness of the UK and the flexibility of its job market, I pay my taxes here, and I wholeheartedly embrace all the values of the British. I was proud when my gay friends were finally allowed to marry—while Germany has a civil partnership, but not full marriage.I’ve never applied for or taken any benefits, even while I was entitled to them when I was briefly unemployed. I had savings and duly lived off those, doing anything else would have felt dishonourable as there were others much more in need than I.Last year, I was hired by a German-owned, private investment bank in the City—it’s a job I love, with a team I love possibly even more (all English, with one a second-generation Serbian immigrant). My bank employs 40+ nationalities. We all pay our taxes, contribute to our communities.I’m paying a number of English people to help me with the garden, with the household, to edit and design the books I’m writing and self-publishing. As I’m fortunate and on a generous salary, I pay them what they’re worth, not what I could get away with. It’s my way of paying back for my good fortunes.I never wanted to leave. I wanted to work in London until my professional life is over, then maybe retire somewhere in the beautiful English countryside (I love both Kent and Yorkshire, different as they are) with my English partner, get a couple of cats and write more books.All of this has now been drawn into question. The disastrous EU referendum outcome, based on lies, misinformation, fear and xenophobia, is already having a negative effect on my life. Over the past few weeks, I responded to every negative comment against immigrants with, “But I’m an immigrant.”The response came in one of three shapes: a sheepish lowering of the gaze and a quick change of topic, or a quick assurance that, “Oh, no, I don’t mean you”, or “Oh no, you are the right kind of immigrant”, or even, and I can barely get myself to type this, “Oh no, not you, you’re white” – as if it makes me feel better that xenophobia is actually naked racism with a coat on.The third type of response is just a bit more troubling: hatred and ignorance spewed forth – such as the UKIP canvasser who tried to explain all the evils of Europe to me, a German who’s grown up in a country that only survived its own love affair with right-wing extremism because the Allied forces bombed our cities and infrastructure until we couldn’t go on fighting – and then helped us rebuild it all.My family on my father’s side is from the area around Dresden, its world-famous church only recently rebuilt with the help of donations from former “Allied” nations. My mother’s side hails from the Ruhrgebiet—the area subject to the Dambuster episode that killed French forced labourers and lots of women and children. Essen, the city I was born in, was called “Fortress Essen”, because 1 in 4 planes attacking it was destroyed. If you look at photos of Essen after the war, 90% of its centre was destroyed (60% of its suburbs).Our church, built in 800-1,100 AD was badly damaged, but eventually rebuilt. When in crisis or before major life decisions, I used to go there and pray (even though strictly I’m an atheist), aware of the history, the destruction, and then the mercy and goodwill shown my city and my nation.Every time I visit the Imperial War Museum (which I support as a “member” as I believe it’s an amazing institution that educates on the terrible price of war by presenting a balanced account of all sides without hatred or rancour), I spend a few minutes in contemplation in front of the display that shows a bomber’s tailfin and other artifacts from the period. The tailfin has dates and places painted onto it—the city where I was born, the city where I lived, the city where I went to university, the city where I used to study for my exams in the library. It’s a sobering thought, and a deeply contemplative one.Being aware of all that history, I want to tell you there’s not one decent German alive who doesn’t remember and who isn’t grateful for having been liberated from the Nazis by the Allies. My area was liberated by the US Army, but then ended up in the British Zone of Occupation, and successfully rebuild, no doubt with hard, collaborative work from all sides. Essen, with its coal and steel works became one of the main “industrial hearts” of the newly democratic Germany and in part powered what we Germans call the “economic miracle”—enabled because the victor nations allowed us to scramble back to our feet and re-take our place in Europe after we had proven we could be trusted again.Based on our shameful history of extremism and right-wing nonsense, Germans have fully supported the European Union as a project that ensured peace and prosperity across a continent scarred by nationalism and boundless destruction. When you speak to Germans, many will tell you they feel European first and German second. “Proud to be German” is a slogan that is basically unacceptable outside the football stadium. In part because our modern democratic state was built in the image of the “victor powers” and to avoid a nationalist takeover of power ever again, Germany is the economic and political success story at the heart of Europe it currently is. Even my grandfather, who fought the Allies, never said a bad word about the English, and was perfectly happy to communicate, with hands and feet, with my English partner when they met. You created our modern, democratic state and enabled our powerful economy, and we’re grateful.I have nothing but the greatest respect for Britain as I know it. Business-minded, fair, tolerant, open to different ideas, without religious extremism of any colour, and a job market that, I think, rewards hard work, skills, self-application, initiative, and “getting on with it”. I would be a very different person had I not come here. Every immigrant I know – Americans, Canadians, South Africans, New Zealanders, Polish, Germans, French, Costa Ricans – loves this country and works hard to contribute to it in return for the generosity and openness shown us.So it is with unspeakable horror and heartbreak that I’m seeing this terrible EU Referendum shaking the UK. I have Polish friends who are in tears over it. They fear being deported to a Poland that has become nationalist and racist and is curtailing women’s rights right now. Personally, I have put all plans to take UK citizenship on hold – I might need to marry my boyfriend so he can live with me in Germany if I’m forced to leave.The City of London, where I work, is already in turmoil – the Financial Times is reporting that the asset managers are making plans to move staff and offices to Luxembourg and Dublin, and the big American investment banks are set to move staff to Dublin, Frankfurt, and Madrid, so they retain “passporting” rights. Our head of research on Friday said she expects a large round of layoffs (there are rumours regarding a large Swiss bank), and she’s very plugged into the rumour mill and very well connected. Efinancialcareers, a website that is dedicated to financial careers, is citing consultants who are right now helping banks and other financial institutions to move staff out of London, and they expect losses of 50,000-70,000 jobs.The longer the uncertainty goes on, the worse the blood-letting in terms of jobs – 1 in 8 workers in London is an immigrant. Many of us are highly qualified, optimistic, hard-working, dedicated. None of us wants to leave.Personally, I will need to follow my job in case my bank decides to move offices, sell my house in [borough] and face possibly years of uncertainly or all the effort of having to establish myself again somewhere. I’m financially strong, I have a passport that allows me to return to Germany if I absolutely must, and I believe my job experience in the UK will place me in good stead with other German banks, but that also means ripping my partner out of his life here, his friendships and forcing him away from his two very young god-children who live in [borough].And all of this pain and insecurity is so unnecessary.I know I don’t count for much as a voter – all we immigrants had to watch helplessly as the UK made a decision that has a massive, negative impact on our lives and futures and that of our friends and families. So I ask you as the MP for [borough], please do what you can to stop “Brexit” and put the UK back on an even path. I pray to every divinity out there that the British values of openness, fairness and pragmatism will prevail.Thank you for reading and kindest regards,[name, postcode, address]

Coming July/August 2016

Risk Return is live!

I'm happy to announce that Risk Return, the sequel to Return on Investment, is now live (Amazon first, and later I'll wrangle the other retailers and get the book into "wide" distribution).

This one is a lot more about the relationship of Francis and Martin than the first book. And to celebrate the release, I've pushed down the price of Return on Investment. :)



Six years ago, young and bright investment professional Martin David got exactly what he wanted—a relationship with Francis de Bracy, his boss at investment fund Skeiron Capital Partners. Having now started their own business in Germany’s banking capital Frankfurt, Martin and Francis’s life is sweet and easy. 
Until the Jesuit Emanuel, Francis’s former mentor and teacher, shows up unbidden and unwelcome. Emanuel brings with him a devil’s deal: Charles de Bracy, one of Francis’s most unforgiving enemies, has sent the Jesuit to broker peace between himself and Francis. And Emanuel does not come empty-handed—Charles is offering Francis the family fortune if Francis travels to the US and reconciles with his estranged father. 
Martin knows how proud and headstrong Francis is. No amount of money will bend his will. But as toxic as the past is, maybe facing it will finally give Francis peace. Yet, if Charles is anything like his son, he’s a formidable foe, and Francis’s scars and bitterness run so deep a billion might not be enough to even the scores. 
Amazon.com  -  Amazon.co.uk  -  Amazon.de  -  Amazon.fr  -  Amazon.it -  Amazon.ca - Amazon.com.au

The big decluttering

I have a friend who's very into Feng Shui, and she mentioned how good it is to clear out some old stuff. Lets the energy flow better, etc.

So, I just spent a few hours de-cluttering my website and this blog. I deleted quite a few blog entries (lots of them were really boring), and edited others. Mostly, I removed names and mentions of entities that cause me pain/anguish/anxiety or that I simply do not wish to be associated with any longer.

They are no longer welcome in "my space", where they block energy and remind me of awful times in my life, massive mistakes I've made, my naive belief in some people or things. I've also gone through the files on my computer and deleted files - editing and proofing I did for publishers, now ex-friends, and assorted people I no longer want in my space. I've already thrown away the books written by those people, and that already had a huge positive effect. I've most definitely deleted those books from my Kindle account. Deep breath and sigh of relief. Getting there.

If possible (and feasible). I'd have put all that to the flames. If this were a paper diary, I'd most definitely have burned it.

I've removed a great deal of my books from my website - all this is in preparation of the big relaunch. Other books no longer reflect who I am as a writer/person, so those won't re-appear. I'm also sorry to announce that some sequels won't be written, and some series will be suspended - I expect to relaunch the Scorpion series in late 2018, but Market Garden has no date yet.

2016 is definitely a transition year for me. A lot of stuff will be very different when I look into 2017, and I'm looking forward to it.

My day job remains intense, and I like it that way. My company is great, my team is great, my pay is great, and things otherwise continue happily and pretty smoothly. I hang out more on Twitter than Facebook, and I fully expect to go exclusively self-published now - I've had too many awful experiences with publishers, and the insecurity about the future of some publishers I DID like and respect only adds to that.

That said, Risk Return is definitely moving ahead, and I'll write a new contemporary series once Risk Return is published. And there's a prequel that I'm looking at, but one step at a time.

Nightingale audio released

And, much sooner than expected, ACX/Audible has made Nightingale live. You can now buy it on Amazon, Audible and i-Tunes.



Audible.com
Audible.co.uk
Audible.de

(Audible UK is running a 40% sale, so it's really cheap at the moment).

Next projects up: Return on Investment in Italian, Return on Investment audiobook, and the ebook for Risk Return. :)

Happy Easter/Ostara, everybody. :)

Current projects update

So, I'm in the last few stages of wrapping the Nightingale audiobook. Some scenes were genuinely difficult to listen to, and I know what was coming. Also, a book that's all about sound being interpreted by somebody who's so much better at sound/voice than I am was a revelation.


Then we've released Missionary, which is the pre-story of Joshua/Julien from No Distance Left to Run. It's all about that encounter with the Legionnaires that changes his life.

And we've been re-leasing Market Garden books as they come out of contract. The last one was If It Flies. Regarding those re-releases - there won't be massive changes. I tend to clean books up again when I re-release them, just to deal with typos and other issues I spotted on a re-read, but generally, I'll let you know when there's a massive change.

In writing news, I've broken 72k on Risk Return and should finish it before the month is over. I've taken a couple long weekends off work over the next six weeks, so that should definitely help.

Today though is my partner's birthday, so we're both off work and taking it easy. And then later tonight we'll watch the second season of Daredevil, which we've been waiting for since it was announced.

So everything is still going according to the prophecy.

Slightly derailed (Risk Return, conventions and events)

Day job is being crazy busy again, so the second half of February wooshed past and I barely felt it. Some months, apparently, you only notice that they're past when the salary arrives in the bank account. So that's February done.

Luckily, these days I'm tracking all the things I've achieved in a month - best way to stay realistic about a) how much I DO achieve and b) how much CAN be achieved while doing all the things I'm doing. It's still only a fraction of what I WANT to achieve or BELIEVE I can achieve, but every little bit is progress.

And I think writing ca 45k of new words isn't too bad.

As I'm breaking into March, I do plan to finish up Risk Return this month. I think I have only about 10-15k left to do, which can be easily done. Then letting it sit for a while and then edit the piece. I'm currently not sure if it's any good, but it's been pretty therapeutic.

----

I'm also planning con appearances. So here are the LGBTQ literature events I will most definitely)*** attend:

Euro Pride Con (Berlin)
UK Meet (Southampton)

And then there's:

Italian m/m event (Verona) - that's an "I want to and need to book".

I doubt I'll make GRL this year (again). It's a really far trip, it'll cost me ca $1,500 to go, and I have a very limited amount of holidays, so "cost plus stress plus distance plus #s of holidays" is kind of counting against that. Also, I'm not keen to run into certain people, so I'm sticking to the "safe" side of the Atlantic for the moment. Mostly, these European events only take a long weekend, GRL with the flight and everything is a week's investment.

That said, next year things might look very different. I do want to meet my American readers again and hopefully soon. But while the day job is necessary, the amount of time I can spend jet-setting is sadly limited.

"My Method"

Today I had my bank account upgraded to HSBC's super special thing. I mostly booked that meeting to close down some accounts I don't really need and get their extra special ISA (which for all non-UKians is our local tax-free savings account - if you do save cash, an ISA is kind of the government-approved way to do it).

In any case, this young guy at the bank is setting all that stuff up for me and while we talk about all my sources of income, obviously the writing comes up. Mostly he seemed impressed that there's a noticeable cash flow from writing. And it emerged that's he's a writer, too, though one of the "I really need to get back into it" kind of writers. A baby writer. (Obviously I gave him some pointers about self-publishing and warned him about shitty contracts. Start'em young, is what I'm saying.)

One of the questions that keep coming up when writer meets writer, is "so do you outline?" - that put me back to a discussion I had on Twitter the other day, where I summed up "my method" in around 8-10 tweets.

Now, I teach writing, I coach writers, I own more creative writing books than I'll ever be able to read, so I am aware of the whole spectrum from "vade retro, SATANAS" to "I'm not writing one single line without having written five pre-outlines". I know some of the most productive writers on the planet (people who write 5-12 novels per year) tend to outline.

Outlines are awesome. They sound like a great tool. I HAVE outlined a few of my novels and I've stalled horribly on some books where I haven't - going from "shit, I didn't expect this" to an 18-month writers' block. The "outliners" even claim there's no such thing as "writer's block", but I don't think it's QUITE that easy.

So, what I'm saying is listen to what I say, not do as I do.

Because even with all those tools at my disposal, I don't outline - not in 90% of all my books. Maybe it's because I consider a story largely a living organism and I have the basic schematics very firmly embedded in my mind ("mammals - two sets of limbs each, apart from the head - we only need one of those").

So while I'm usually flying by the seat of my pants - and sometimes I'm a supersonic speed-freak of a pantser, and sometimes I'm more a blimp, lazily drawing my circles until something happens, I do usually arrive at my destination. That said, I have a couple outlines - it's just that I still need to write those books. So yeah, books I have outlined are the books that tend to not get written.

So, here's my "pantsing" process, which brought you the following stories: Skybound, Dark Soul, all of the Scorpion books, Return on Investment, Risk Return, Incursion... (it's clearly working)

1) Hear voice. A character voice emerges and at that point I barely know who they are, but they start talking and tell me about their problem/issue/situation.

(Addendum: If I already HAVE the character, as is the case with a prequel/sequel/spin-off, I'd call this "flash of insight" - it's something like, "what if Kendras realised that Adrastes isn't quite the man he thought he was", or "I think there's some kind of ambassador involved somewhere, and I knew stuff is going to move and we learn who Kendras's parents are, because all fantasy novels work like that" - bang, we have two more Scorpion books)

2) Commune with voice. At that point, I need to sit back and listen and also start asking question. Note: The more paranoid characters won't reveal all their cards or might not answer. That's fine. They'll eventually show who they are by what they do on the page.

3) Moment of commitment. I finally shove everything else (including other deadlines and projects) out of the way and sit down and start writing.

Thus endeth the "preparation phase".

4) Set-Up/Act 1. Usually at this point I have the character, their situation/problem, and the setting in the widest sense. This means I'm writing - fairly quickly - anywhere between 5,000 and 18,000 words, in chronological order. I write the books exactly in the order you guys read them - even when there's a flashback at the start like in Return on Investment, or pretty early in the book like in Scorpion.

5) THE FIRST WALL. This is my Roadrunner moment when I realise I've run so fast I've left the cliff behind and am standing on thin air. And there's always that delayed "double-take" "oh-shit" moment. Needless to say, that's not a very productive moment - I tend to seriously consider abandoning the book - the usual excuse is "I love this, but I have no plot."

6) Wandering the Plotless Wastes of Doom. This is when I tend to be annoyed with myself for abandoning whatever I've temporarily abandoned in step 3. As words are usually not happening, I notice I buy a lot more stationery and get some reading done. Extra points if those are books relating to whatever project I'm struggling with. This is when I read books on plotting, creative writing books and hang out on the internet.

7) Surrender/Travelling Without a Compass. Eventually I get over myself and keep writing. This is the moment when I'm "just following my characters" who know better than I do what they want and how they'd deal with the situation. I just let them get on with it. It's their lives, after all.

8) Moment of crisis/THE SECOND WALL. Either my character or I (or both of us) are about ready to give this stuff up and leave the book. Somehow, though, there's another 10-20,000 words on the page.

All this is roughly "the middle" of the book.

9) BREAK INTO THREE - suddenly the shutters come off, the sun climbs over the horizon, the stars align - I can see where I'm going. The missing puzzle piece shows up, and seen through the lense of THAT, everything now makes sense. That character I introduced ONLY because I found him wandering the Plotless Wastes of Doom with no idea what he was good for has the answer or said something clever, and suddenly IT ALL COMES TOGETHER. This is how I know I'm in the last third of my book. Shit's beginning to make sense. I usually even have a rough idea how it'll all end.

10) The I'M A FUCKING GENIUS/WRITING IS EASY phase. So I'm writing hard and fast to put in all the pieces I have. This is usually when my writing speeds up quite impressively - I'm writing 5-10,000 per weekend, that kind of speed.

11) The "Maybe this is shit, but at least it's done" moment. As the exhilaration of the previous stage wears off, I'm approaching the ending. This is the last 10-20 pages of the book. The ending is so close I can see it. This is the moment when I'm seriously wondering whether the book is actually any good - what I do know is that it's a poor shadow of the book I  WANTED to write. But at least I'm almost... and then done, so phew, it might be a crock of shit, but it's written and it kind of all makes sense.

12) Betas. I usually send books to a couple readers, but more intensely so towards the ending of the process (because then I know I'm much more likely to finish it). Usually, while I'm still coping with the disappointment/non-genius of that book, I start getting feedback from my betas who indicate it's not a flawless emerald of rare value, but at least it's readable/entertaining and has some decent to good lines.

And then I edit - realising that I'm a decent writer who can actually write. That's nice and gets me through the edits/proofing/layout.

---------------

So, right now, with Risk Return, I'm very firmly in stage 9, bordering on 10.

Circa halfway on Risk Return

So the new year has started very nicely for me - this is yet another year where I start with a big spreadsheet to track my wordcount and even bigger plans, but so far, the tracking (and wording) is going well. I only skipped three days so far in terms of writing, and two of those were devoted to editing Broken Blades. Other than that, I've been racking up wordcounts from anywhere between 125 and 1,800 per day.

And just like any slow, painstaking work, constant effort is beginning to pay off. This is a book that is built around just two ideas - not plotted, so it's growing organically. With that kind of book, I tend to roughly at 1/3 understand what the story is about, and roughly at that point I know what needs to happen and also in what order.

I'm now beyond that point - Risk Return has circa 31,000 words, and I expect there will be 20-30,000 more, so it looks like a short novel from here - in any case, I expect it's about 50% done.

My self-imposed deadline of 3 February might be a bit too tight, but I would expect to wrap it not much after that date. Publication I think in March - I do have a cover but I'm saving that for a "reveal". It's very good. :)

So, no pressure. It's mostly that I want to write what else I have to say about the characters, and how their relationship develops. Much of what reverberates through this book is stuff that happened 10 years before Return on Investment - Martin is picking up the pieces and begins to understand what events, factors and people have shaped Francis.

After that, I'll write the prequel (QOI) - so yes, I'm writing book 2, then book 3 and then book 1.

After that, I kind of see a spin-off happening with a minor character I haven't actually met on the page yet, but he's pretty cool in my head, and there's an Easter egg in Risk Return that points towards Unhinge the Universe.

The true miracle is that the characters are still so "fresh" that I can summon them up even after so many years - Return on Investment is a really old book and I've lost touch with much more recent works.

Anyway. I do post a lot of snippets on my Facebook wall, so Facebook is the place to read my messy first draft pieces if you're interested.

-----

And there's a fun question from the comments a few days back - specifically if I was going to write more books in the sci-fi universe of Incursion and Dark Edge of Honor (yes, they relate to each other).

FUNNY YOU SHOULD ASK.

The answer is - absolutely. There will be a sequel to Incursion where the Glyrinny meet the Doctrine.

Let's put it this way - both parties really could have imagined a better, happier way to spend their time. I've wanted to let those two clash for a long time.

Timing-wise - I don't really like setting deadlines several projects ahead, but I'd *like* to work on that towards the middle/end of the year.

2016 looks like a year so far where I wrap up my past and move into the future - so all the prequels and sequels and projects I've had in mind for so many years will get wrapped up when I relaunch the books that return from my ex-publisher - and I'm going to write completely new books with completely new characters too, just to keep the balance and because they've been pestering me.