Marty Nemko's Blog, page 314

Creating Ads We'd Be Glad to See

We might tolerate or even like ads more if they were well matched to what we’d actually buy and love--Not everyone needs to see a Viagra ad.

Cambridge psychology PhD student Sandra Matz attempts to infer your personality from your digital footprint, for example, your Facebook Likes, and then create ads for products and services likely to make you happy.

Sandra was named one of Pacific Standard's 30 Top Thinkers Under 30 and one of DataIQ's 100 most influential people in data driven marketing. She is my Up-and-Comer interview today on PsychologyToday.com.

"I Can't Make Myself Stop the Train?" When You're Having Second Thoughts About Marrying

I had a client today whose wedding day is in a month and he's scared. In my PsychologyToday.com article today, I paraphrase what he said and asked me, and my response.

A Formula for Actually “Making America Great Again.”

No matter your political leanings, all people of good will hope that President-elect Trump will grow into the job and be a person who indeed will “make America great again.” 

To do that, I believe he must trade the black-white thinking of his campaign for a measured conservatism, one that recognizes that wisdom exists on both sides of center and thus mends our so divided nation. 

If I were advising him, here are what I’d recommend be his guiding principles: 

1. Focus on excellence, not just on the “vulnerable.” Politicians of both parties are falling over themselves to say who’s better for the poor, the disabled, and otherwise vulnerable. Unless we at least equally focus on maximizing the potential of our best and brightest as we did in the Sputnik era, we are devolving the U.S. to its lowest common denominator. That is not a formula for a happy citizenry, let alone one that can compete with China and India.


2. Politicians must steward tax dollars like it was their own. Liberals and conservatives alike mouthe agreement with that but under the pressures of polling, activist groups, and the media, it’s too tempting to say yes to every spending bill. After all, isn’t it tempting to vote for a candidate who promises you stuff rather than one who cuts stuff. Wise stewardship would make cuts in conservative darlings such as defense and liberal darlings such as education, which is so bloated with administrators and labyrinthine rules.
3. Ethics must be top priority. America has become a land of deception, with politicians leading the pack. Conservatives always talk about values, yet are they hard enough on unethical businesses? Do they allow money to influence their votes? Nothing is more important than integrity. Neither party has a monopoly on ethical behavior. Conservatives can and should fill the vacuum. A country that isn’t built on a foundation of ethics will likely collapse. 

4. Leave intimate decisions in the hands of the people. Conservatives often wrap themselves in rhetoric extolling freedom. Well, nothing could be more restrictive of freedom than telling a woman when she can have an abortion, whether a gay person should be allowed to marry, or to tell a doctor that s/he can’t assist a person who feels it’s time to end his or her life..
5. Work toward equal opportunity, not equal outcomes.  The benefits of trying to redress past and lingering discrimination with affirmative action are outweighed by the liabilities. Too often, affirmative action in practice is reverse discrimination, resulting in a less meritorious person selected. Not only is that unfair to the not-selected person, it’s unfair to the classmates and professors at a college, to the coworkers, bosses, and customers of a business.
6. Exercise restraint. Intrinsic to conservatism is restraint. Indeed, it was liberals in the 60s who encouraged the drugs, sex, and rock’n’roll lifestyle. But those are inimical to the life well-led. A life is meaningful mainly to the extent it is ethically productive and contributory. Today, the Left is making all efforts to legalize marijuana, creating a second alcohol despite strong evidence it damages motivation, memory, mental health, and increases car accidents, heart disease, and cancer risk.  Conservatism implies conservative behavior. Conservatives should themselves pull on ropes of restraint and, from its bully pulpit, encourage the productive work life and a recreational life of pleasures that don’t damage individuals and the nation. 

In conclusionMr. Trump, you need to be aware that not all good ideas come from right of center. For example, the Left is cosmically correct in ensuring a basic safety net for all people, even, where possible, to facilitate that outside our borders. The Left is also correct that left to their own devices, businesses will too often be unfair to workers, customers, and the environment--Moderate regulation is a good thing. But I believe that the best America, the one that can indeed “Make America Great Again”  is the one that incorporates good ideas from both sides of center.

Head Transplantation: What Makes Us Who We Are?

The Atlantic and the BBC report that 31-year old Valery Spiridonov has a disease that is wasting away his body.   As a last-ditch effort to save his life, he has agreed to a first-of-its-kind surgery that would attach his head to a healthy body that had just died, for example, from a gunshot to the brain.

Whether or not it works (and the quoted mainstream experts predict it won't,) it raises an interesting ethical issue and asks us to consider our identity: What makes us who we are?  
I explore those questions in my PsychologyToday.com article today.

Communication Lessons from the Trump Win

No matter how you feel about the outcome of the presidential election, it certainly can’t hurt to try to derive lessons from it, including those we can apply to our own lives. In my PsychologyToday.com article today, I offer communication lessons I have derived.

Living with Your Parents

Despite the supposed recovery, Pew Research reports that for the first time in 130 years, more 18-to-34-year-olds live with their parents than in any other living arrangement. 
Of course, that can be a source of tension if not misery. A number of my Millennial clients say their main reason to work is to afford their own apartment.

As my PsychologyToday.com article today, I offer a contract between parent(s) and child that may make back-at-home living more pleasant for all concerned. It may, with adaptation, also be useful in negotiating an agreement with roommates.

Becoming a Better Judge

University of Chicago Assistant Professor Ed O’Brien studies how accurately we appraise ourselves. For example, are we, overall, better people than we used to be? And how accurate are our specific predictions, for example, how likely we are to lose weight? O’Brien also looks at what affects our recommendations’ accuracy, for example, what movie to see? Finally, he goes beyond description and opines on how we might actually improve rather than just think we’re improving.

Pacific Standard named Ed O’Brien one of the Top 30 Thinkers Under 30 .  His research has been profiled on NPR, The Atlantic, TIME, New York Times, and Wall Street Journal.  He is my PsychologyToday.com Up-and-Comer interview today.

Creating Your Physical Image

Our choices of clothes, makeup, even dog affect how we're perceived. In my PsychologyToday.com article today, I offer ideas and questions to help you decide what you want.

We ARE World Citizens

Both presidential candidates have succumbed to divisiveness at a time in history that I believe we’d be better served by efforts to find common ground as world citizens.

In my PsychologyToday.com article today, I describe how I’ve dealt with being a member of an identity group that has often stressed its victimhood and how I resisted. It may offer lessons not only for people in identity groups but how we might better address our internal demons, and more constructively come together to work for a better world.

My Search for Peace of Mind

Some people naturally have peace of mind. Without effort, they walk the earth with a sense of contentment. 

I don’t. My parents said I cried a lot as a newborn, was a colicky baby, in school was ever worried I was a bad boy or not smart enough, and from my earliest memory, feared death and dying. At age 10, I'd lie in bed calculating the percentage of my life I probably had left---in terror, unable to sleep.

So, clearly I've been motivated to try to find more peace of mind. And if you are not naturally blissful, perhaps the report on my attempts may be of use to you. It's my PsychologyToday.com article today.