Pamela Mahoney Tsigdinos's Blog, page 14

No More Silencing: Speaking Our Truth

This guest post comes from Andrea Rose, teacher and budding artist. Andrea’s first husband became infertile due to cancer in their first year of marriage while they were in their early twenties. She and her current husband struggled with male factor and age-related infertility for over ten years. She has had to make difficult decisions and change her viewpoint about herself, family and friends. After unexpectedly landing on the margins of society, she regained her footing, brushed herself off, surveyed the unfamiliar landscape, and discovered deeper strength and a new vision. I recently let another friendship go. This one was

The post No More Silencing: Speaking Our Truth appeared first on Silent Sorority.

First We Get Really Uncomfortable…

Life would be a whole lot more comfortable and easier to navigate if it unfolded neatly or predictably. Alas, that’s not the case for most of us. Mix in a contentious, complex topic (e.g. the inability to reproduce) and watch the discomfort rise. It’s understandable. Beyond the biological unpleasantness, there is upheaval to our sense of order and what’s the ‘right’ way to proceed — directly (for those living with infertility) and peripherally (for those made to think about it). Add a dash of conventional wisdom, a little religion, some philosophical differences and/or societal expectation and it starts to get

The post First We Get Really Uncomfortable… appeared first on Silent Sorority.

A Conversation on Infertility Misconceptions

On the heels of her recent BBC interview (Drawing the Line: When IVF Doesn’t Work) health advocate and blogger Lesley Pyne offered to have an in-depth chat about my latest writing project, Finally Heard. Grab a cup of coffee or tea (or libation of your choice) and join Lesley and me as we launch into a conversation on what we’ve learned since stopping fertility treatments.  We address the challenges of moving forward when infertility treatments fail, the trauma we confronted, and the need for greater accountability within the fertility industry. You’ll also hear about: The biggest shock in our journeys

The post A Conversation on Infertility Misconceptions appeared first on Silent Sorority.

IVF Rollercoaster: BBC Radio Show Callers Describe ‘Grueling, Painful, Isolating, Roll of Dice’

Warning: To those in a raw or vulnerable state take caution listening to the interviews and discussions linked below. The intent of this blog post is not to re-traumatize. As I come up on my seven-year anniversary of The New York Times piece, Facing Life Without Children When it Isn’t by Choice (June 10, 2008), I can’t help but be reflective. If you went back and asked 2008 Pamela what she hoped the New York Times health feature story would have led to seven years on, I have a hunch she’d be a bit disappointed with where society is in

The post IVF Rollercoaster: BBC Radio Show Callers Describe ‘Grueling, Painful, Isolating, Roll of Dice’ appeared first on Silent Sorority.

Fitting In and Fine Tuning How We See Ourselves

Our sense of who we are and how we fit in — or don’t — alters over time. The gawky growth phase — whether as an adolescent or as an adult going through complicated transitions are the most memorable — usually due to the mess involved. In the midst of it we feel awkward, restless and just plain out of sorts. Choose your metaphor. A eucalyptus tree shedding its bark.  An ugly caterpillar. A rumbling dark storm cloud. The growth and change that accompanies these periods is sometimes fast and obvious, but it can also be imperceptibly slow — complicated

The post Fitting In and Fine Tuning How We See Ourselves appeared first on Silent Sorority.

Oh, Betty! I So Get You

Finally Heard: A Silent Sorority Finds Its Voice

“I don’t want you to think I’m a quitter. I’ve fought for plenty in my life. That’s how I know when it’s over. To know when to move on…”

That dialogue from the final season of Mad Men struck like a thunder clap. I nodded instinctively.

While cancer is the elephant in the room for Betty, I couldn’t help but see parallels for infertility. Her rationale is what I came to understand a decade ago: harsh reality is better than false hope.

Betty’s cool Zen-like acceptance felt familiar. It is clearly not the response those closest to her wanted to hear. Her husband wants her to pursue aggressive treatment, while her daughter is, understandably, in shock. Betty, though, just knows. She doesn’t imply it is going to be easy.

The stoking of false hope is prevalent in many spheres of medicine — particularly where fertility is concerned.

It’s not easy to accept that reproductive medicine has limits in today’s society. Nobody wants to be perceived as a quitter. The complexities we face today played into why I was compelled to sit down and write Finally Heard.

Like Betty, many of us fought for plenty in our lives. We also came to the point when we just knew it was time to move on. I am grateful that more of our stories are being heard. It was particularly validating this past weekend to read a post from Cristy about the ideas and issues Finally Heard raised for her:

“I found myself shocked when I came upon the section about how society views women who are not parenting after infertility and realizing that prior to infertility I too believed these myths and how it’s thanks to women like Pamela, Loribeth and Mali that I no longer do.”

While combating and overcoming the personal struggle is what many of my fellow infertility bloggers focus on in their writing, I’m finding myself more and more drawn to, as Cristy called out:

“bravely tackling both society’s view of those living without children as well as the dark-side of an unregulated fertility industry. Though this last part is definitely unpopular, the message that Pamela brings is important for anyone who decides to pursue treatments to consider.”

Read more Finally Heard reader response here book reviews

Oh, Betty! I So Get You

“I don’t want you to think I’m a quitter. I’ve fought for plenty in my life. That’s how I know when it’s over. To know when to move on…” The dialogue from Mad Men this week struck like a thunder clap. I nodded instinctively. While cancer is the elephant in the room for Betty, I couldn’t help but see parallels for infertility. Her rationale is what I came to understand a decade ago: harsh reality is better than false hope. Betty’s cool Zen-like acceptance felt familiar. It is clearly not the response those closest to her wanted to hear.  Her

The post Oh, Betty! I So Get You appeared first on Silent Sorority.

M.O.M. — From Today Forward It Means ‘Mentor of Many’

Long-time readers will recall that one particular three-letter word once had the power to torment me. It reached off the chart levels of irritation approaching the second Sunday in May. For instance, you may remember the time in 2009 I asked for reader input on greeting card ideas that we’d never find as a way to let off some steam. (I recognize we’re late here in North America. This particular marketing mayhem arrives in March for the British, its current and many former colonies and some European countries.) Happily, with the latest online technology tracking my every click and my

The post M.O.M. — From Today Forward It Means ‘Mentor of Many’ appeared first on Silent Sorority.

Tenacity, Resilience and Grit

There was a time when, like Scarlett O’Hara in a scene from Gone With the Wind, I felt trapped in a bad dream — lost in pea soup fog. I knew I was off course, and it was far from clear how I would find my way forward. There was a visceral sense of being […]

The post Tenacity, Resilience and Grit appeared first on Silent Sorority.

No Wonder I Was Such a Head Case

A recent piece in The New York Times headlined It’s Not Always Depression gave me the chance to play amateur psychologist. Join me on the couch as we explore emotions and how they affect the way we view ourselves or feel on any given day. To make this even more real, take yourself back to […]

The post No Wonder I Was Such a Head Case appeared first on Silent Sorority.