Kathryn Magendie's Blog: Lonely Woman's Guide to the Galaxy

Coping with Grief: Recognizing Physical Symptoms

If we consider ourselves to be strong, well, give up the thought that we are stronger than grief. Grief will always be stronger than us.

Grief and Change: Leaving a Beloved Home

The emotional journey in leaving a beloved home in Western North Carolina. The grief of losing connections to cherished places, memories, and solitude while pursuing family relationships.

The Euthanasia Goodbye

The heartbreaking experience of euthanizing a beloved dog after a complicated illness. The deep sorrow and confusion over the final decision emphasizes the emotional toll, grief, guilt, confusion, and the complexities of pet healthcare.

The Challenger Deep Brain

Jason Padgett’s brain opened a portal, and he stepped through it to a world of Mathematical/Geometrical artistic equations. And how he arrived in that strange and wondrous place was by brutality….

There are many wonders in our oceans. There are the surface areas where we swim, boat, fish, cruise, fight the waves, or give in to the waves. Diving deeper, we can explore the beauties of this under-the-surface world. But there are depths, dark and mysterious, that we do not know. Dive to the deepest murkiest depths and there are creatures there that have adapted to their environment in strange (to us) ways. 

The deepest part of the ocean is called The Challenger Deep located in the Pacific Ocean. Almost 36,000 feet deep (as far as scientists know anyway). So much is unknown and unexplored. Much that may never be seen or understood. 

We don’t like it when we do not understand something.

Our brains are like the Challenger Deep. So much we do not understand about the whys and hows of this organ—the most complex part of us. Weighing about 3 pounds, it is our intelligence, gives us our senses, controls our body movements, and controls our behaviors. Much of its mysteries can only be explored upon someone’s death, and by then it is too late to know just how it works because it is then dead, too. So we guess, and we study, and we may never, like The Challenger Deep, know all its mysteries.

When the brain is mostly working “as it should,” we may barely pay attention to it. We go about our day taking for granted that everything will work “as it should.” But when something goes wrong, we are on high alert: will this be forever? If it is forever, will it be any worse? How do we navigate life in this new normal? What is normal? 

In the deepest parts of the ocean, creatures have adapted to their environment. They do not consider what the creatures above them are doing, or what they look like, or how they behave—if they are not food or a mate or a threat, they are not important. They do not consider abnormal. They likely do not think about what is next but concentrate on what is now: find food, find mate, find shelter. They go about their days one to the next uncaring about the others that live among and around and above them. But of course they do not have the richness of days as we humans have, or maybe they do, in their own way, rejoice in just where and how and who they are. Do they worry and obsess? Likely not. They adapt. 

Though, in writing this, I know there are differences between mammals, cephalopods, and fish, and that mammals and cephalopods may think more deeply than a fish. But I speak, yet again, in generalities or else this post will become an entire book. 

We humans care about a lot. And some things we care about perhaps we should toss away—life would be easier and better, right?, if we did not care about every minutia? It is one thing to place expectations on our Selves—some that drive us forward to good and success and some that drive us to dark places—but to place these expectations onto others coming from our own perspectives, well, this is what often creates the turmoil of being human.

And, if we, or a loved one, has a brain gone rogue, we look to others, or our former selves, as comparison: why can’t I (or my loved one) be like I (they) was (were)? why am I (are they) not like everyone else? why is this happening to me (my loved one)? We flounder in the depths, drowning in our sorrow, grief, anger, frustration, perplexity. 

Life happens. Stuff happens. No one is immune to heartache or frustration. This is what living is: chaos with intervals of stillness; joy with intervals of sorrow; fullness with intervals of hunger.  

Humans have a hard time accepting what is different–and it is even more difficult when we experienced life before The Different arrived. We do not like change. I speak of “we” in generalities of course, since there are those who revel in it. Who make change. Who are excited by it. But even those who rush towards change can have limitations and biases toward change that is considered “intolerable;” things that make what is considered “normal” life uncomfortable.

In the Challenger Deep’s vast and unexplored depths there is silence and darkness and the unknown. In the challenger deep brain there is darkness and the unknown, but not so much the silence, as our brains can be loud. Our brains can at times seem to work against us, become this alien organ that we wonder, “Why, Brain? Why are you making me feel this way? Why are you doing this to my loved one? You are an asshole, Brain!” 

For example, to the complete frustration of my publishers and despite their encouragement that I’d “make a lot more money,” I cannot write plot-based or genre novels. Why? Because my brain does not work that way no matter how much I wish it could. And it is not just a matter of talent or desire or stubbornness. 

When I write, as I am doing now, everything comes out of the black hole and appears on the page. I cannot over-think it. I cannot plan it. I must only explore it by putting my fingers on the keys and blinkity tink tank tic, the story or post emerges. I did not plan this post. I had a vague idea or thought, and then I have to trust the process of my brain to explore the idea or thought. The challenger deep of my brain is as vast as The Challenger Deep of the ocean—from deep inside came my novels, my stories, my posts, my writing world that I stepped away from for so long.

In the 70s, I received a rather bad blow to the back of my head: is this when this strange brain began? I cannot tell you because I do not know when it began. The awareness of it only came much later in my life. A kind of “Wait a minute. This explains a lot…” though it explains not much at all. If I walk into a room, look around, leave, and immediately try to recall what the room looks like, I will only “see” a piece here, a piece there, and those pieces will quickly fade away. But, more puzzling, is if I now try to picture a room in my house, where I have lived many years, the same thing happens: I see a piece of my iron bed, now a piece of the horse painting over my bed, there is the mirror. There is the rug. And as quickly as I see the piece, it quickly is sucked back. 

But in comparison, take the case of Jason Padgett. Previously Jason was a happy go lucky fun-loving futon salesman. In 2002, after a night of karaoke, he left the bar, was savagely attacked, and hit in the back of the head. When he left the hospital, everything had changed. He saw the world differently: in a mathematical/geometrical way. The parietal cortex was set on fire from the blow to Jason’s head. He’s an artist, a mathematician. A genius, if you will.

We both received blows to the back of the head, we both saw a flash of bright, but with very different results. Of course, many blows to the back of the head turn out vastly worse: severe brain damage and/or death. Or for some, only a headache and nothing more.

Why did my portal open to a sucking black hole but Jason’s opened to a deeper understanding of every tiny geometrical shape? Why did not my blow to the back of my head make me a successful savant writer instead of a really good but often unfocused meandering writer? Jason sees things so very clearly while I see things in fuzzy pieces that fade in and out. Or perhaps my writing was enriched. Perhaps a portal opened for me as well and I have no way to compare the me before and after. Perhaps the way I experience my environment is a fascination. 

Jason has had his struggles, especially right after the attack. His OCD and fears overwhelmed him. Likely he still struggles with many issues, but he also received a beautiful gift. And he adapted. And now that I think about it, I have adapted too, with all my quirks and fears and frustrations, and my talents. 

It’s not like we can experiment by smacking people in the back of the head, and please do not try it—you know, the death or severe brain damage thing?

As explorers find ways to go deeper into the Challenger Deep, I feel both excited to see what will be discovered, but worried that there will be those who try to exploit what they do not understand. I would think Jason has been both celebrated and exploited. 

We do not always honor the beauties. We do not always protect the beauties.

Today’s Music: Surrender by Anima

 

Post Covid Nose –

Dang. No strawberries on French Toast. Double DANG!

Our sense of smell is a social and emotional part of living. It is aligned with our sense of taste, and food is more than something we eat to live. Food and its enticing aromas gather us together. If we are given flowers, we bury our face in them, inhaling sweetness. We smell our babies’ little heads. The air after a rain. Our partners skin after a shower. Puppy breath. Holiday baking. Coffee brewing. 

Scent evokes emotion and memory. So does taste. Smell and taste: besties. 

The sense of smell was an important part of our evolution and survival. Our Early Selves sniffed out food, sniffed out danger, sniffed out partners to mate with. Our sense of smell unites us with the world around us, as does our sight, hearing, taste, touch.

When we lose a sense or more, we lose an important part of who we are and of who we are in relation to the world around us and to others. 

So. It is spring, and the long-anticipated arrival of fresh beautiful red ripe strawberries has me waking up happy. I had been struggling with a diminished lack of smell, and food had lost some of its richness. My morning coffee doesn’t smell like coffee any longer—it smells, well, weird. I cannot detect citrus. Barely detect the scent of my new shampoo that reviewers said “smells sooooooo good!” My Dove soap smells like nothing. 

Most things have either no smell, a diminished smell, or smell nothing like what they are supposed to smell like. But, eh, I was living with it. Even if a little depressed about it.

Still, I was excited to purchase these strawberries from Christopher Farms that my friend glowed on about. Even if they didn’t quite taste as strongly strawberry as they always did, they would still be a juicy treat.

I purchase the biggest basket. These berries are huge! And red, and gorgeous. And I can’t wait to eat them. I wash a big bowl, pluck out a gigantic berry and take a satisfying bite—wait. Wait. Waaaaaiiiiiiiit ….

I take another bite and another. Something is not quite right, even more not quite right than I had before been experiencing with taste. My stomach turns. Is this strawberry over-ripe? Nope. Does it have a rotted spot? Nope. It’s perfect. Then … what …?

The Post Covid Nose is telling me one thing while the reality is something quite different. Post Covid Nose is telling me my beloved spring strawberries are over-ripe, or rotten, or Not Good For Consumption. 

Up until today, smells weren’t disgusting. Food didn’t taste like something that’s past its okay-to-eat-and-enjoy stage. Food and their scents didn’t make me want to retch.

I go through my fridge, trying to find something I can eat that doesn’t make me want to gag. 

Today’s been the worst day yet as if overnight my brain and nose forgot everything they ever knew about sweet delicious strawberries and instead are warning me DO NOT EAT! DO NOT EAT! DO NOT EAT! Yucky! Yucky! 

My house smells alien; my food tastes alien, as if an alien took me to an observation room that mimics my house and the alien has tried to make everything taste and smell normal, but of course and alas, the alien has everything wrong wrong wrong because upon reading my brain scans with his powerful brainery thingee, my brain is going “Strawberry yucky.” Alien is doing the best it can. Poor thing.

I once had a very definite sense of smell. Before Covid, sometimes I’d be aggravated by my olfactory senses because the world can be a stinky place. Sitting on an airplane, I would be assaulted by people’s odors—feet (please leave your shoes on folks!), body odor, unwashed clothing, food odors, and the terrible awful emissions from people’s backsides that cannot be escaped because we are sitting in a big tube of gross. Ewwwwww.

But on the plus side, I enjoyed the more pleasant scents and in my home are many essential oils I’d place in my diffuser and inhale Zen. Ahhh. Candles I’d received as gifts that I’d light from time-to-time. Cooking aromas. Fresh fruits and veggies. Tangy citrus. Linen sprays for my sheets and pillow. Even opening up a new bar of Dove soap made me feel a sense of calm and gratitude for the very idea that a bar of soap made me danged ol happy! 

And that bucket of strawberries that normally would be a joy has become a bucket of disgust. 

I tried to eat them because they are good for me, and I didn’t want to waste them, or maybe because I’m being stubborn. I won’t let this Covid Nose get to me! I love strawberries, dammit! MMMM(ewww yuck)mmmmm – ugh.

For the past month, out of hope and desperation, every day, twice a day, I do my Smell Training. Rose, eucalyptus, lemon, clove—all from a kit by Moxe that I bought from Amazon. I’d just began to incorporate in my routine items from my kitchen: cinnamon, vanilla, citrus, other essential oils. I’d do the visualization tricks. I’d do the concentrating on a memory. And as of day before yesterday, it seemed to be working. 

Maybe I overdid it and caused my nose to complain to my brain about sensory overload and my brain rebelled because it can be a complete asshole sometimes. 

Oh, please tell me this is the “it gets worse before it gets better” thing. Lawd. Anyone else out there experience this? You? You? Is this a worse before better thing? *hopeful face*

When I tested positive for Covid this past November 2022, I was taken by surprise. I’d had all my vaxs; I was (and still am) strong and healthy; I’d been careful—well, except I was cocky when I flew to Oregon end of October 2022 and didn’t mask up as I’d done on flights before. There was a point where they had us waiting to board and we were packed in like cattle. Three airplanes worth of people in one tiny area. I said to someone, prophetically, “Geez. We are in a Covid petri dish….” Ah. Of course, there’s no way to know if this is where I contracted Covid, but that would be a big contender. 

I sailed through my Covid. It was as if I had a moderate cold. Lucky me, I thought. When I realized I’d lost my sense of smell, I didn’t panic. I figured it would come back. And it did, just a little. In fact, at first I didn’t realize I wasn’t like I was before. It wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle. 

But today? Today I am in the alien observatory and alien is scratching his bulbous head in perplexity: “Why ain’t she enjoying this bounty? Stupid human. I picked a broken one.”

There is hope. I have talked to others with Post Covid Nose and some say it took 8 to 9 months but they made full recovery. Another said it took over a year for hers to return but it did return. My research tells me it could be up to 2 years. 

Or it could be never. Stop saying that!

I’m staring at that bucket of strawberries now. Maybe if I cooked them down. Maybe if I gave them away. Maybe if I froze them until things are better. I am picking one up—I am placing it under my nose; I take a tiny bite—I am about to retch. In a frenzy I throw them one at a time outside for the baby groundhog that’s been hanging round my lil log house. There! There! There! There! There! There! You have them!

I know that Covid has done many terrible things. I know that the inability to enjoy food or scents may seem on the surface a small thing, and yes, in the face of some of the more terrible awful things, like death or permanent illness or debilitating brain fog, it is in comparison a smaller matter. But when you lose one or more of your senses, your world doesn’t make complete sense. It feels alien and strange. And the little joys of life, like eating and smelling wonderful things, are taken away. Fears can emerge, like, how can I tell if something has gone bad? Will I smell the smoke strong enough if my house is on fire? Does this stink? Do I smell? Do they smell? Is that gross or okay? Does this smell good or bad or nothing? Is there an alien behind me? 

Covid has taken so much from so many. And for some, it keeps on taking. For others, like me, it has changed the sense of the world around me that, in a word, sucks.

Well, Covid and my brain are being complete assholes. But maybe I’ll back off on the smell training. Just a bit. And we’ll just see what happens. Right? Right.

Tender Graces on Sale until the end of May!

My publishers are putting Tender Graces on super sale from May 15 to May 31, for .99 cents in all e-book versions only. Thank you for your support, dear Readers. ❤

Tender Graces—the first in the Virginia Kate Saga Trilogy: “The death of her troubled mother and memories of her abused grandmother lure a young woman back to the Appalachian hollow where she was born. Virginia Kate, the daughter of a beautiful mountain wild-child and a slick, Shakespeare-quoting salesman, relives her turbulent childhood and the pain of her mother's betrayals. Haunted by ghosts and buried family secrets, Virginia Kate struggles to reconcile three generations of her family's lost innocence.”

https://www.amazon.com/Tender-Graces-...

Links/Videos That Caught My Eye: For Writers, Mind/Body, Food, Business ….

Lately I’ve been reading a lot of ‘stuff.’ I do this in the mornings, over coffee. I’ll be scrolling through my Facebook, Twitter, or LinkedIn feeds and something will catch my eye. So from time to time, I’m’a gonna share these links or videos with you. Hope you enjoy!

[image error]For Writers

Writers, don’t we hate the proofreading process? We’re almost there, almost have that novel DONE, yet there’s the tedious business of proofreading. I not only need to proofread my own novels, but I also proofread in my editing business. Quick and Dirty Tips has 10 Tips to Banish Typos. A nice list, though I ain’t a’reading my work or my client’s work backwards; I just ain’t gonna! I’ll add one to it: I have my Kindle read my book, or my client’s book, to me—believe me, this works!

Am I a Real Writer? Yup, this question is still asked by many writers who may feel they don’t quite measure up, or that their writing is seen as a hobby, or maybe they won’t consider themselves a Real Writer until their book is published. If you’ve ever struggled with this, go ye and read Kristen Lamb’s post Diagnosing a REAL Writer: Do You Have Terminological Inexactitude Syndrome?

Platform. Bleh. Yeah. I don’t have one. How does a writer have one? I dunno. Maybe Jane Friedman can help with that: Building a Platform to Land a Book Deal: Why it Often Fails.

[image error]For Your Mind:

Sooooo. I bet we’ve all been there, right? Involved in some way with a Narcissist. Maybe a lover, a friend, a boss. Head on over to Thrive Global and read: How to Know If You or Someone You Know Is a Narcissist, According to a Clinical Psychologist

If we’re happy and we know it, clap our hands! But if we’re sad, meh, let’s don’t beat ourselves up about it! Being happy all the time is weird. There. I said it. So, while rattling around Thrive Global, I found this interesting article on The Upside of Feeling Down: Why It’s Okay Not to Feel Happy All the Time

The World’s Most Relaxing Film: “The World’s Most Relaxing Film will make you relax in just 7-minutes. It has been recorded based on advice of experts from the fields of stress, mindfulness, nature therapy and music therapy. The film was recorded on the West Coast of Zealand (Sjællands Vestkyst), in Denmark.”

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I baked these myself! MMMMM!

Food/Health:

I love scones. What I love about the ones that are done correctly is that they aren’t too sweet and they aren’t too moist and they aren’t crumbly dry—the perfect ones are just right! And if you, like me, have a difficult time finding those perfect scones: make your own! I do! And the best, easiest recipe I found that I use every single time is King Arthur Flour Scone Recipe. I have experimented with different additions (like nuts, fruit, lemon zest, peanut butter, oats, etc) to the basic recipe, all with success. The only thing I do differently in the basic recipe is I usually add half a stick more butter–I just like it that way.

Maybe you don’t need to boost your sex drive. I don’t! I swear! Raise your hand if you do *no one raises their hand* – Well, in the case any of you who didn’t raise your hand secretly wants to raise your libido, here are, according to Readers Digest, 9 Vitamins and Herbs That Can Boost Your Sex Drive

Chocolate & Pop Music – Nuff said.



[image error]For Business:

Looking for a job? Ugh, right? I haven’t had an interview in yeeeeaaars. I’m lucky to be able to work from home, but should that ever stop *gasp* Ungh! Perhaps these 14 Interview Questions That Are Designed To Trick You will help you with that process.

Looking for a job and you are over 50? Maybe these tips will help: Salary.com’s 10 Tips for Job Hunters Over 50

[image error]Wild Card:

When I post these links, I’m going to post at least one “wild card” link. One that I stumbled on while looking for something else, and something about it piqued my interest. The website/blog that I am exploring right now is:  Dave2 from Blogography: “Blogography is a place to learn and grow by exposing yourself to the mind of David Simmer II, a brilliant commentator on world events and popular culture (or so he claims).” (Note from me: HE wrote “or so he claims” -not I. *laugh*)

See y’all later with some more links! Tootles!

 

 

 

 

We are all a great idea ….

[image error]Overhead, Cove Crow caws. I tip back my head, stare at him; he stares at me. My dog lifts his head. We stand, animals listening, living, being.  Crow is a great idea.

Long ago and far away, a tiny atom Exploded—Big Bang—and hurled matter out and beyond. Some of that matter became our galaxy. Not an infinite universe? But an infinite idea. Dark Matter surrounds invisibly, yet one can see the dark. No energy, but mass. Could right now dark matter hover near, over, above, through us? Would we feel it? Know it? Sense it?  The universe’s density: ratio of visible light to mass. Density mass is low—much of matter in universe is dark. The universe, with a beginning, a middle, an end—just like any story, just like any living being. The universe—a great idea.

I feel my feet upon the ground. The ground is real. I am real. My dog is real. I breathe in the air. I let out the air. The sun touches the top of my head, heats it. There is a bird’s nest, abandoned, in the Poplar tree. On the ground, a dead worm, and underneath my foot, live ones I cannot see but I know are there. A chipmunk scurries. Great ideas.

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vanessa-cornacchia-the-big-bang – at creative commons

[image error]In my dream, I fly. I look down upon the cities with their lights on and their lights off. I see the sleepless man toss his sheets into knots. I see the woman who cried herself to sleep. I see the little boy sleeping peacefully with his teddy bear under his arm. I see the teen-aged girl reading a book she loved as a child. I see the wolf howl. I see the other side of daylight. Dark matter surrounds. Dark Energy pulls. I accept this. I accept the ways of life and of death. I had a beginning. I have middle. I will have an end…then a beginning and a middle and an end, and then round and round, outward and outward, faster and faster, until all is torn apart, until I am nothing but atoms swirling in a madness of other atoms. What an idea.

The mysteries surround me. I accept them. I am grateful. I am the idea. I am a great idea. You are a great idea. We are all a great idea.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Aging your ass off ain’t so bad …. I’m’a gonna replace “Anti” Aging with “Pro” Aging…

an·ti/ˈanˌtī/  / Opposed to; against. A person opposed to a particular policy, activity, or idea.

Ad on Facebook sidebar: “Woman is 53 But Looks 27!” Uh huh.

Advertisers suggest how we must go out and conquer the Age Beasties because we are worth it! We are beautiful—but only after we use their products! We can live forever looking as if we haven’t lived at all!

Well, in some ways they have a point. And in some ways they are full of shit.

[image error]We all are going to age until we die. You can practice every bit of “anti-aging” in your arsenal but you still are going to age your ass off—if you are lucky. Some people aren’t lucky enough to age their ass off. Some people wish they could age their ass off. Some people’s family wishes their loved one could have aged their ass off.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to look good at any age, or for your age—the problem is when you continually and detrimentally grieve for your twenties and thirties or whatever your magic number is where you thought you looked and felt your best, or felt you were at the top of your game and now you feel you are at the bottom of the barrel.

Some scientists want to classify aging as a disease—one that can be treated, slowed down, and send people into their older years healthier and more vibrant. That we shouldn’t just accept aging as something that continues to devastatingly take away our minds, bodies, and attitudes. When it comes to aging and how our minds, brains, and bodies feel and look, genetics play some part but our lifestyles play a bigger part. Scientists are studying how some people they call Super Agers stay so much more healthier and active until they are 100 or more. Super Agers aside (and maybe I’ll be one!), we are living longer due to medicine, yes, but also due to piles and piles of ready information to educate us on how to live a healthier life.

If you are feeling decrepit already then do something about it. Consider how you can Kick Ass and be AWESOME where you are in your life Right Now. And you can do it without surgery and injections. Now, if you want to have surgery and injections, then you go for it! First, google “plastic surgery gone wrong” and after that, then, um, you go for it!

Tips to Pro-Aging:

[image error]Eat healthfully. As we age it becomes even more important to watch what and how much we eat. Stuffing our faces with fast food, processed food, bunches of added sugar, and bad-for-our-body fats, isn’t the way to go out and kick ass. Your body and brain will be sluggish and shitty, and as you further age, the sluggish shitties will be worse—oh, and you may die sooner, and that would suck. Does this mean I never have some yummy desserts or some hot salty fries or some other “bad” treat? Hells to the big ol’ no on the Nevers! But when I consider it a treat and not a lifestyle, I enjoy it more. I will splurge on The Good Stuff because I don’t eat it often. However, I will also tell you that when you stop eating certain foods (give yourself at least two-three weeks to let your mind and body adjust), and you go back and eat that food, it often makes you feel ill, and it doesn’t taste as good as you thought it did.

Really pay attention to the taste and your satiation level. What you may notice is way before you finish off a treat, you really aren’t enjoying it quite as much; maybe you are just mindlessly stuffing it into your mouth because it’s THERE. A smaller amount eaten slowly will give you more pleasure and satiate you more fully; I promise.

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Get off the couch or out of the chair and move. The stronger you feel, the more powerful you are. Being fit and strong means you are able to care for yourself. Work on strength, aerobic fitness, balance—this means that as we age, barring anything that is not in our control (and there is always something that can happen that we cannot control), we should be able to kick-ass and be strong well into our Very Old Agedom.

[image error]You gonna sit on your ass eating crappy food, smoking, drinking too much, not going for check-ups, ignoring your health, all or some combination of these things, and then possibly “saddle” your friends or loved ones with your care when your health fails you? Again, I emphasize how this does not apply to those who had something happen that is not under their control. Sometimes sucky things happen to us no matter how much we take care of ourselves. That’s just life. But when we have a choice, how will we choose for ourselves and for the people who are in our lives? And as well, we will be an example to them.

If this is overwhelming to you, try one change and let that become a part of your life. Then another. And another. You can do it. Yes, you can too. And if you are still shaking your head, then why can’t you? What’s holding you back from feeling your best?

You know those pesky annoying negative soul-sucking people in your life? The ones who have been hanging on your back and hollering in your ear for years? What? No! Not me—I’m telling you what’s good for you and what’s bad for you. I am not pesky and annoying and I am not sucking out your fun-soul. AM NOT!

Anyway. Kick their ever-lovin’ ass to the curb. See ya! Sound mean? Well, if you are around someone who sucks every ounce of joy or energy or good mood out of you, constantly being a big Pain in the Ass, then why are you allowing that to continue? What’s in it for you? There must be something in it for you or else you’d finally kick them to the curb, right? Riiiigghht. If this PITA is someone you simply can’t walk away from, then find a way to short circuit the Negative Whiny Woe Is Me talk. Take your power back.

Perhaps it is time for you to sort through all the people who’ve come into your life and see who makes you happy and content and who tires the unholy hell out of you and needs a metaphorical wake-up slap upside their pea-heads or out out out damned spot!—you are in charge of you.

You can be a loving, giving person without letting people walk over you. The two things—being giving and being taken from—are not equal.

Do something you love. Many of us don’t have the luxury of quitting jobs to do what we love but why not go for the here and there moments to find your passion and pursue it. To say, “This is time for Me. Go Away.” Your friends and family will only respect the idea of you finding your passion and pursuing it if you respect it within yourself. If you find a little corner and time to yourself to do what you are interested in and/or love and someone says, “You’re too old,” or “You can’t,” or “Pay attention to MEEEEEE!” then what will you tell them? Come on, you know what you should tell them and you should mean the hell out of it.

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Don’t make me come after you with an ass whoopin!

Excuses suck. “I’m too old” is an excuse. “I will look silly doing that because I’m old” is an excuse. “It’s too late for me” is an excuse. “I am tired because I’m old”–excuse. If you have a Real Reason for why you aren’t doing what you love, or why you aren’t out there kicking ass, then don’t beat yourself up about it, for we must also respect the tender parts of ourselves, the parts that have served us well but something just went wrong, or we tried and it didn’t work out (I love this saying more than the original one: “Sometimes you win; sometimes you learn…).

However, if you know good and damned well you are opening that mouth and vomiting out excuse after excuse, then ask yourself: Why are you offering up excuses? What’s holding you back?

Alternatively, we don’t have to live the commercials on TV. What I see on ads/commercials is that Boomers are out there Taking On The World—they are faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive (haha—locomotive! What a word: locomotive), and leaping over tall buildings in a single bound—Look! Up in the sky! It’s the Super Boomers! Well, part of being kick-ass is recognizing what you are doing is because it’s good for you and you are passionate about it versus what you think you ought to be doing because “all the other old people are doing it….” Huhn. Naw, most of us aren’t doing it all. Who is, really, no matter their age? But we’re living longer and living more actively than ever before.

I hate to use the old cliché, but it’s so true. When you are lying there dying your ass off, you may just think, “How’d it go so fast? And why didn’t I ….” Why didn’t you what?

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Hmm – maybe? not? Lawd.

Just cause I can wear it, doesn’t mean I should, but, I don’t have to deny my sexuality or hide my strong healthy body either. I won’t wear micro-minis, or a bikini, or Club Wear—at least in public, hahaha! However, I like my body and I choose clothes that make me feel sexy and alive and WHUPOW and all. You should too.

Being strong and sexy and alive does not mean “skinny,” y’all. When will we stop the madness of thinking that every body has to look the same, or like some magazine model or fitness magazine model or someone at the gym or someone on TV/cellular device/movie screen. When you are strong and healthy and kickass, you KNOW it and your body feels it and you raise up that head and walk strong.

You won’t see me going out on a date (or other places outside my home) in sloppy, ill-fitting clothes that I am hiding in because I’ve given up on feeling sexy or vibrant or beautiful—because I haven’t given up and you shouldn’t either. Whatever your size or shape, y’all.

Aw, hush up now—I don’t want to hear that “AMEN!” from you men. Yeah. Uh huh. This goes for you too. And care for your appearance goes for you too. Does too! Don’t show up at my door for a date looking like you don’t care—boy, bye!

Take care of your skin. Eat well. Wear sunscreen. Sunscreen and eating healthfully are super important. This goes beyond looks, y’all. Skin cancer sucks. All cancer sucks.

And on the “vanity” part of it: Though the term “anti-aging” is kind of stooooopid, what I am happy about is that finally there are products geared towards people over thirty, over 40, over 50—and beyond. I like taking care of my skin by washing it every night—ev-er-ry night—and moisturizing it morning and night. And I don’t spend a lot of money, either. I am just consistent. Consistency is key, and not just for our skin but for our bodies and minds.

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Finally, surround yourself with as much beauty and love and light and positives as you are able to. I mean, even if you found this blog post to be annoying and that it puts super-califragilistic pressure on you and Kathryn Magendie SUCKS, and who the hell is she anyway? She can kiss my ever-lovin ass! Well, then go on your way and I won’t have my feelings hurt one bit. You know I’m right. Do too! DO SO! I’m at least 98.9999999% right about every single thing.

You have one life; one body. Take care of it, and you.

 

(Y’all pardon my “construction” of my site – I still haven’t quite made up my mind on my blog’s “look” – so I’m trying on a few.)

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Dipping my toe(foot? Leg?) back in to the writing/reading community – :D

Hi Y’all ….

[image error] Esparta Palma -I see dead dolls … Hanging like normal dolls- Creative Commons

Today, I’m at Writer Unboxed with a post entitled “The Island of Misfit Characters.” Hope you’ll join us there! And while you are there, have a look around at the other posts from WU contributors. I’m proud to be a part of WU.

I almost ignored the request from AMA because I walked away from most everything related to my writing life for several years. But, I am glad I did not ignore it because it is time to further dip my toes back into the writing/reading community.

[image error]I’m trying out something new: AMA-Ask Me Anything. From what I see so far that place is chock-full of gooey good stuff. I’m taking questions on my #AMA now but it doesn’t go live until next Wednesday the 14th at 2:00 pm. My AMA is: Being an editor helps me to be a more effective, efficient (re)writer. Ask Me Anything about making your (re)writing life much easier! Join me there. You can ask a question at any time, but answers won’t show until it’s live on Wednesday. While at AMA, have a look around at the other “channels” there to find something that piques your interest. Or, perhaps you may want to create an AMA of your own. I’m going to try it out and see how it goes.

All right. I’m off to ready my lil log house for winter stomping back in (maybe it’ll change its mind! Lawd!).  Later, y’all ….