Preeti Shenoy's Blog, page 58

On making adult choices

Pre marital sex is not a taboo. According to HT-Mars Youth survey , 63 percent believe it is perfectly acceptable and normal.

However, like the protagonist of my next book, if you make an adult choice, you will have to face adult consequences.
And as long as you are aware, nobody has the right to judge.







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Family versus Work. What should you choose? #askpreeti

Remember I had mentioned about   #Askpreeti series? Well, it starts  off today! Every Thursday, I shall blog my answer to a question, which you have asked. You can ask me questions with #askpreeti tag either on my FB page or tweet to me using #askpreeti

Today's question that I picked, asked by reader Dixita Mour.


Question asked : Should we choose between our passion or family? You are very successful in managing both--family and work. What should one do?

Family is the basic unit from which we start our life. What we learn from our families, helps us deal with different social situations. In a way, it is the family that is providing us the 'blue-print' to our personality. We then grow up, get a job and start our own families.

There can never be a perfect work-life balance. At any given point of time, you will always be tugged by both. For me too, it is the same.
When my children were much younger, I chose to give up my corporate career as I wanted to be around for them. Now they are much older and hence independent. I had no doubt in my mind that it was the path I wanted to take. But if you ask me whether it was easy, I would say it most definitely wasn't. Back then, when I made that choice, I gave up my economic independence for a while There was no guarantee that I would meet with success. However I was fortunate that things turned out well.

When you make a choice, you have to ask yourself these questions.
1. How important is it for you to earn well?
2.How many hours of work do you have to put in to sustain your current/desired lifestyle?
3.Are you the primary bread-winner of your family?
4.How important is it for you to be able to spend time with your family?

Once you answer the above questions, you will have a clear choice to make.

As for me, if you were to ask me whether I choose my passion or my family, I would definitely say family. But if this very family is going to hinder and stand in the way of my passion (where I am very fortunate to have a supportive family) then I am clearly going to be unhappy. In that case, I would take a call and choose that which gives me more contentment. Only if we are happy can we make our loved ones happy.
We owe it to ourselves to take care of  our own needs first. Only then can you give your hundred percent to your family as well as your passion. And if your career is your passion, it is a jackpot!

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Have you pre-ordered 'It happens for a reason'? Grab it  at a great discount!

Amazon: http://is.gd/Ithappensamazon
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Little things that go a long way

Today I had a long interview with one of the National newspapers. I spoke in depth about my next book . The interview was fun but also a lot of work. The thing about interviews is that you have to focus completely on what you have to say, as you would be quoted by the newspaper. Unlike when I am writing, when I have all the time in the world to choose my words carefully, in interviews, I have to think on my feet.

Today was also a stressful day as I also had to let one of my staff go. One thing I cannot stand is insolence and being rude. On top of that not being punctual.

In my books, being on time means respecting the other person. Acknowledging that their time is as valuable as yours by not making them wait.

Also another thing I cannot stand is 'chalta hai' attitude. I give my one hundred percent in everything I do. I expect the same from my staff, especially if I am paying about 30-35 percent higher than the market rate.

I think sometimes a clean break is needed, if something no longer works for you. Yes, temporarily one may be inconvenienced. Temporarily one might be in a uncomfortable place.
But when you keep living with something that you are irritated about , but do not fix, then you are accepting something less than what is optimum. It might seem like a tiny thing to fret about, but I believe it is important.

Details are important. Little things like manners and courtesy is important. Things like keeping up your word is important. Not putting down others is important.

These little things are the ones that will stand you in good stead and take you a long way. Trust me, I know.

And I leave you tonight with a lovely song by Don Williams, whose words make a lot a of sense to me. Do listen to it carefully.
I think you will like it too.



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My new book 'It happens for a Reason' is out on December 10th.
Order it at a great price!

 Amazon: http://is.gd/Ithappensamazon
Flipkart: http://is.gd/Flipkartithappens
Crossword: http://is.gd/Ithappenscrosswordhttp://preetishenoy.com/

5 things to do to make your relationships better

Yesterday I told you that I would write about things that you can do, so that you feel a little less disappointed in your relationships. It is easy to say 'Have no expectations and then you won't be disappointed'. But how is that possible? Of course, it is only human to expect. I do expect those I love to be supportive of me, understand me and be there for me. I would do the same for them. That is natural. You have to be Buddha or Mother Teresa  to not expect anything at all, out of a relationship and to exhibit supreme patience.

What can you do if the other person is not responding to you? What can you so if things are not going the way you want them to? How do you rid yourself of the burden of expectations.

Here are 5 things that will help you to make your relationships better.


1. Stop making excuses for the other person : If the other person wants to call, they will make time and call anyway. Nobody--not even a top notch movie-star is that busy. It is a matter of priorities.If you are important to that person, then they will make time. Do not make excuses for them, saying that perhaps they are too busy. How much time does a text message take anyway? 15 seconds? How much time does an email take? 5 minutes?

2. Be willing to let go:   We cling on to the relationships we have because we are so afraid to let go. We hold on so tight, as we cannot imagine our life without that person being a part of it. But sometimes, when we move away, we are giving space to ourselves to grow. Maybe you will discover new people. Maybe you will break out of a pattern you have set, and discover new skill sets. Maybe when you let go, the other person will realize what you mean to them, and will make an extra effort.

3.Be open to a little  introspection : Be willing to look inside yourself. Why do you want the person to do things your way? perhaps you are a person who expresses love by wishing your friends on their birthday, getting them gifts, calling them up and going to see them. But maybe that person doesn't express their love that way. Maybe their way of expressing love is  coming over with hot soup when you are unwell. Or listening to you moan and groan when something bad happens. Just because that person doesn't do things exactly the way you would do, it doesn't mean they don't love you. You are the one who has to take a call and decipher the meaning behind their actions---and then look inside to see if that is in alignment with what YOU want out of the relationship.

4.Communicate : Sometime back I came across this visual, which i had set as my Display Picture on my BBM, for a while. I think the visual says it all. Open and honest communication is so important in a relationship.





 However, after having said the above, you should also know when to take a hint and back off. If you have called 6 times or more to make plans and the person keeps finding excuses, then you clearly know where you stand in their list of priorities. Accept it and back off!


5. Change : You have to accept that change is an integral part of every relationship. People change. Things change. Situations change. You do grow apart. Unless you are willing to embrace change and go with the flow, and change so that you are still able to find a common ground with the person, you are likely to drift apart. If you do slowly start drifting apart, take the above mentioned steps and see if it works out. If it doesn't that is just how it was meant to be.

It will definitely cause pain when you let go. It isn't so easy. But if it has to be done, you have to steel yourself and do it. I see no other way.The pain shall pass. And you will grow because of it.



New post tomorrow.
Bye for now!
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ps: My new  novel 'It happens for a reason'  is a story that deals with complications that come with relationships. The book will be out on Dec 10th!




Pre-order it at a great price:   

Amazon: http://is.gd/Ithappensamazon
Flipkart: http://is.gd/Flipkartithappenshttp://preetishenoy.com/

Are you disappointed in your relationship?

Disappointment and unhappiness in relationships comes from expectations. We expect something and then we are disappointed and sad, when the person did not behave in the way we wanted them to. We feel let down. We feel insulted. We feel that we give too much, in the relationship--in other words, we are overwhelmed by a sense of disappointment.

'I called her 5 times--she didn't once bother to call back'.
'I remembered his birthday, but he forgot mine and did  not even wish me'.
'It is always me who makes the effort to call her. She never bothers.'
'He/she takes me for granted.'
'I feel so used in this relationship.'

If any of the above are applicable to you, you have been besieged by the burden of expectations. You are carrying a load which is getting heavier by the day and unless you shrug it off, you can be sure that it will build up to a point where your relationship will break.

How  do we break this burden?
Doesn't love go hand-in-hand with mutual understanding and mutual acceptance? Aren't you supposed to live happily ever after?

The answer is yes--but conditions apply. The happily-ever-after is a lot of hard work.

If you think your relationship is worth making that effort, worth working on, then you have to be prepared to work hard to make it succeed?
How?

Watch this space tomorrow.

Starting today, this blog will be updated a lot more regularly than usual. I am aiming for a blog-post every single day. Like a blog marathon that I have done earlier.

I would be blogging extensively on topics that are useful, practical and 'doable'. If you would like to receive my posts ion your inbox, enter your email id in the box on the right side of this blog.

I shall update this blog tomorrow on what you have to be willing to do, if you want your relationship to go a long long way.

 And yes---if you leave me comments, I will be motivated to blog a lot more regularly! ;-) So tell me what you think of it, in my comment box.

Have a lovely weekend!
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Buy my latest book 'It happens for a reason' which will be out on December 10th!
 
Amazon: http://is.gd/Ithappensamazon
Flipkart: http://is.gd/Flipkartithappens
Crossword: http://is.gd/Ithappenscrossword

http://preetishenoy.com/

What is the coolest thing about your mom? #ItHappensforaReason

Meet Vee and Aryan. Mother and son. The coolest mom in the world, according to Aryan.

What is the coolest thing about YOUR mother? Share it with us on Facebook and the comment that gets the most likes will win books from Westland! Results will be announced on Wednesday 5th November.

If you don't have  a Facebook profile, just share it with me here, and I will definitely be reading it :)
(However the contest is only on Facebook)

And if you can't wait to read more about Vee and Aryan, here is a sneak-peek into the first few pages: http://is.gd/readIthappens

Buy the book!
Amazon: http://is.gd/Ithappensamazon
Flipkart: http://is.gd/Flipkartithappens
Crossword: http://is.gd/Ithappenscrosswordhttp://preetishenoy.com/

It Happens for a Reason. A novel by Preeti Shenoy. Read the first few pages!

Here it is! The first few pages of my new book 'It Happens for a reason'.




In case you have trouble viewing the above, click HERE

For a chance to win a FABULOUS, personalised calender, with all 12 photos clicked by me, and messages from me go here.
Liked it? Grab  the book!Amazon: http://is.gd/Ithappensamazon Flipkart: http://is.gd/Flipkartithappens Crossword: http://is.gd/Ithappenscrosswordhttp://preetishenoy.com/

It happens for a reason. New novel releasing on 10th December 2014!

Here it is! My 6th book. Remember I had told you about  a conversation that involved a red and blue in the cover in one of my previous posts about the things that happen after a novel is written ?
What you see above is what we were talking about and discussing.

The story of this book is a very unusual one. It is about a feisty young girl called Vee, who gets pregnant at the age of 19, out of wedlock and decides to keep the baby. Vee now is 34 and has two very unusual careers. She runs a dog-boarding facility and she is also a gym instructor. Her son Aryan thinks Vee is quite the 'cool mom'.  Then, there is Suchi, who is Vee's best pal, almost like a sister as Vee and Suchi went to boarding school together. There is Ankush (who is Aryan's father) and many more interesting characters. Their story (with each other) starts with a car-ride.
And no---am not giving away anything more. I hate spoilers :)

Here is the back blurb of the book:



Like all my other books, this one too draws heavily from real life and of course you would recognise it when you read it.

I am so excited, I can't wait for it to be out! :)

And guess what--as soon as the pre-order links were put up, the book catapulted into the best-seller list on Amazon.
 It was No.1 on 'Movers and Shakers'!


Through out the whole of this month, and through whole of November, my publishers have planned a lot of fun activities around the book.

You can follow my Facebook page for updates about it.

We also plan to run a column on this blog called 'Ask Preeti' where you can ask me anything! Every week, my publishers will pick one question (or maybe two) and I will answer them on my blog. Nice? Like the idea?

Like the cover? Isn't it fab, racy, energetic---a lot like the spirit of the book? (And personally I think the guy looks hot :) ) Don't you agree?

Talk to me, in my comment box! :)

Love
Preeti
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PS:
 Pre-order the book:  Amazon: http://is.gd/Ithappensamazon
                                   Flipkart: http://is.gd/Flipkartithappens
                                   Crossword: http://is.gd/Ithappenscrossword


http://preetishenoy.com/

Shades of Love. A wonderful session at Litomania 2014.

One doesn't  stay in a long term relationship because of lack  of choice. One stays because there is a commitment made. Because you value that person. Because you commit and you honour your  word. This is what I emphasised  in the panel discussion  yesterday at Litomania in my session with Ravinder Singh (author of ' I too had a love story', 'Can love happen twice' and a few more)  and Madhuri Banerjee (author of' Losing my Virginity and other dumb ideas', 'Scandalous housewives' and a few more).

Picture by Divya Nambiar
Ravinder said that 'When there is doordarshan you only watch that. There is no choice.' And that in today's times there are huge distractions like Facebook, where as they did not exist 19 years back. (As I have been married for 19 years to the same guy, I have to add :) )  I couldn't disagree more and Ravinder must have seen the horrified expression on my face and so he quickly clarified that he was only joking.

The fact is you are only as distracted as you want to be. Facebook 'likes' do not make a relationship work! Nor does declaration of love with the accompaniment of 'happy couple pictures' declaring how lucky one is to have the other. The real test of a relationship is time.

Every relationship changes, especially after you get married, and  once children enter the picture. The relationship then gets tested, tried, tugged in ways you never imagined before. We grow as individuals. There are many other stresses that a relationship undergoes---work pressure, meeting other people, familiarity, boredom, individual growth, unforeseen changes. It is a lot of hard work.
Some survive, some break up.

There was a question put to me by a member of the audience who asked me about one of my characters in the book The Secret Wishlist who decides to walk out of a marriage, despite having a child. She felt that it was wrong on Diksha's part to have done that and one had to stay in the marriage for the sake of the child.

What I told her was that if there is no love in a relationship, then the biggest disservice you can do to a child is to raise her/him in a atmosphere of hate. Madhuri said that she was a single mother and it great friends with her ex-husband, and her child is in a happy place now. That it took her a while to come to this decision, but she was glad that she made that choice. She got a thunderous applause for this declaration.

Another audience member asked about stalking when it came to love. All three of us---Ravinder, Madhuri and I empahsised that the character in the movie Ranjhana who cuts his hand to prove his love for the girl and stalks her day in and day out hoping she would fall for it,  was definitely sexual harassment.

There was another point that Ravinder made, which I totally agreed with. He talked about a reader who told him, that he used his book for 'Ladki -fasana'. (Apologies to my non-Hindi speaking readers. It is basically a very coarse Hindi term which can be roughly translated as 'trapping a girl ') . He said that the same sentiment could have been expressed differently---that the reader had used the book to tell a girl that he really admired her and wanted her to read the book, in the hope that theirs would be a true love, like in the book.

I agreed vociferously with Ravinder when he stressed the importance of space in relationships and having 'me-time'. It is so important to have time for oneself. He talked about sharing passwords which he was against and I so agree, as he was voicing exactly my take on those issues, about whioch I have blogged earlier.

All three of us also agreed that Indian romance writers, especially popular ones had a responsibility when it came to shaping young impressionable minds, in terms of how the concept of 'love' is perceived.We all agreed that terms like 'deti kya' (again with apologies to my non Hindi speaking friends) were not only disrespectful to women and misogynist, but also reduced women to sex-symbols, negating what she is capable of. In a country like India, it is indeed a need of the hour to change the male mindset and I do concur with Madhuri and Ravinder, that popular writers (currently all male--the only female in the top ten Nielsen list is  yours truly-- See this tweet from landmark store) play a role in this.






Ravinder emphasized that the men in his book wouldn't speak that way to women and if the  protagonist did make an error in judgement, he would later be corrected by another character and would  realize that he was wrong and would be man enough to admit it. He also said that when it came to a relationship, why should it be that it is always a guy who chases. I agreed with him. It is a level playing field! In fact in one of my books (The One You Cannot Have) it is Anjali who chases Aman.  I asserted that the women in my books were strong independent characters who led their lives.

The audience had a lot more questions as the session (moderated  superbly by Madhuri) was a lot of fun, interactive and bubbling with wit, humour and love.
But both Ravinder and I had a flight to catch, and hence after posing for a few pictures with readers and signing books, we rushed back to the airport.
One of the readers made a lovely card for me. Another reader said that she had just discovered my books in June and never thought she would meet me so fast. She also said that she, her mom and her mother-in-law are all huge fans of my writing--and she had come to the venue with her mother. and another said that he had been waiting for 5 years to meet me. Yet another said that his wife is a huge fan and now after he heard me, he became a fan too. I was overwhelmed by all the love and warmth.

In the car and at the airport, while waiting for our respective flights, we talked about a lot of things---related to being a popular author. Ravinder is humble, grounded, sweet, nice  and truly one of the most genuine people I have met. He gave me some good tips and good ideas. Of course, he earned an invitation to my home :)


All in all, I had an awesome time. A big thank you to Litomania ( Sangram Surve, the director of the festival, Shalini who was warm and welcoming and the rest of the team)  for organising this so well and conducting it beautifully. May Litomania grow in the coming years!

Ravinder, Madhuri and me, just before our session, in the author's lounge.

If you have never attended a lit-fest before, do catch the next one in your city.
And choose the sessions that discuss a topic you like. (if you choose a wrong session which doesn't deal with a subject you like,  you will probably be bored to death!)

Litfests are a great way to interact with your favourite writers, meet other like-minded people and have fun discussing things, gaining new perspectives, and discovering new books!
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ps: A new book by me will be out this December. Will unveil the title today on my FB page!
Buy my last book  http://tinyurl.com/k85yklf http://preetishenoy.com/

10 easy ways to stay positive and upbeat--even when the chips are down

Things won't always go the way you want them to. How do you stay positive and upbeat even when they don't?  Here are ten easy ways to pep you up.

1.Focus on one activity that makes you happy : My latest addiction is organic terrace gardening. No matter what is going on in my life, my time spent in my terrace garden, gives me bliss.

Satish harvesting the spinach in our organic terrace garden.

 Find one activity that works for you. Focus on it. And spend a dedicated amount of time on it every single day. Be regular. Start with a small goal--say ten days. You will see a difference in how you feel.

2. Remove yourself from 'downers' : You know the kind. You ask them how they are and they give you a long list of what is wrong with the world today. You ask them about their health and they have a hundred complaints. You tell them about something good that happened to you and you get a snide remark. Minimise the time you spend with this kind. If you can avoid them altogether--that is the best option!

3.Unfollow: With Social Media comes a flood of negativity. Most people crib, rave, rant. they flood your timeline with unhappy thoughts, with angry articles, with stuff you really do not need to burden yourself with. facebook has a 'Unfollow' button. Twitter has a 'mute' user button. Use it!



4. Connect with Nature : For me, what works every single time is connecting with nature. It might be as simple as stepping outside for a walk, and feeling the sunshine beat down on my face. It might be as small as removing my footwear and walking on the lawn. Right now I am on vacation on a beach.


 The ocean feels like heaven. We can recreate these small slices of heaven in our daily life by taking a mini-break during the day from whatever is bogging you down.

5.Try to see 'beyond' : Why does someone behave the way they do? perhaps it is a desperate plea for attention? Maybe the person wants more of your time? Maybe they are just being selfish. Maybe they are trying to tell you something you do not want to hear. Try to see 'beyond'.

6.Go see a friend: Go see a good friend whom you have not caught up with for a while, because you have both been so darn busy. Pick up the phone and call them. Make a plan---and stick to it!

7.Read! : Research has proven over and over that people who read are smarter than people who don't. The average adult reading speed is 300 words per minute.Reading for just ten minutes a day will mean 3000 words a day---and 10,95000 words a year!

8.Watch a good movie :  A good movie makes you forget your worries. It gives you life lessons. It entertains. it makes you laugh, it makes you cry and most importantly it makes you think.

9.Music ! : Instant bliss. Play it loud. Dance like no one is watching. And if you are afraid of someone watching, bolt the door and dance. (One of my characters does this in my book 'The Secret wishlist')

10.Plan a surprise : Plan a surprise for a loved one who likes surprises. Nothing like the excitement of a 'secret plan'.Think of what they would love. A quick getaway? A cooking class? A bicycle ride?

These are wasy ways in which I lift myself up, even when things don't go exactly the way i want them to.

Which of these work for you? Anymore to add to this list? What do you do when you feel down?

 Go on and tell me in my comment box and I shall update the post with the suggestions.
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Buy my last book 'The One You Cannot Have'--a contemporary love story by clicking here: http://tinyurl.com/nzfu3v2

http://preetishenoy.com/