C. Margery Kempe's Blog: Lady Smut, page 150

Words

I think about all those sayings we had as kids. Here are a couple in case I’ve lost you:

“Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.”

“I’m rubber you’re glue anything you say bounces off of me and sticks back to you.”

As a kid, I thought these sayings magical even if they admittedly didn’t always work. It was more an issue of mind over matter but sometimes it’s hard to wrap your mind around somebody’s cruel words and toss them in the garbage. As an adult and a writer, I have a completely different opinion and mindset when it comes to words. I believe words to be some of the most powerful forces out there. Forget superheroes, they have nothing on writers!

But truly, the reason I’m even thinking about this and writing this blog is actually due to songs I’m listening to. Funny, when I was younger I was completely about the melody, but as I’ve gotten older and perhaps because I now write, the lyrics are everything to me.

Most recently I’m into a song called Little Talks by Of Monsters and Men. It’s got a super catchy melody but I remember truly listening to the words the first time and feeling as if I was losing my mind along with the main female character/singer. It was only when I looked up an interview with the band that I found out what the song was about, but I wasn’t surprised to learn the woman in the song had lost her husband. It only seemed to confirm my thoughts and interpretation that she was going mad.

So what about you all? I could probably continue spouting off songs I love and lyrics that make me think, but what do you all like to listen to? Do you agree words are power?

Happy Writing this week folks!

Filed under: Toni Kelly, Writer's Life

Warm Bodies Movie Review by Leia Shaw

This weekend I saw the highly anticipated movie Warm Bodies. I’ve been keeping my eye on this one since the trailer came out in the fall some time. I’m a Walking Dead fan. I’m also a fan of laughing and swooning. This movie looked like it had it all – romance, humor, rotting corpses, a good soundtrack. I figured it was a good bet for a Saturday night.

And I was right!

Much of this movie is narrated by zombie heartthrob, R (played by Nick Hoult). R doesn’t remember his full name, or much about his life before turning into a “corpse.” But he hangs out in an airplane terminal and has grunting conversations with his best zombie friend, M (played by Rob Corddry). He may feed on human flesh and have a little bit of a rotten flesh look about him, but we quickly fall in love with his completely unzombie-like personality.

His constant inner commentary keeps us amused even during the creepy parts of the movie, making the fact that he eats brains on a regular basis redeemable for a hero. For instance, he and his little zombie horde travel across the ruined city for a meal and he says, “god we’re slow. This could take a while.” He also comments quite a bit about how he’s weird for a zombie and he wishes he could just be like all the other corpses. There’s some teen angst for ya. Move over Edward. I think Zombie R wins the tortured soul award.

Julie (played by Teresa Palmer) is the daughter of the leader of their survivor village (played by John Malkovich). The group built a wall around a safe part of the city and are rebuilding and trying to survive. Younger members are asked to volunteer to go past the wall and retrieve medical supplies and stuff like that. So Julie and her best friend and her boyfriend, Perry (played by Dave Franco) take a bunch of guns and a few other recruits and head out to the hospital.

Then the action really starts. The zombie horde attacks at the hospital and R eats Julie’s boyfriend’s brains then immediately falls in love with her. Great way to start a relationship, right? Hey there sexy lady. Sorry about your boyfriend, but hey, he was delicious.

When the rest of the horde wants to eat Julie, R saves her by smearing zombie…uh…juices, on her face and chest. Apparently that masks her scent. So he takes her to his home – an abandoned airplane – as his sort of human pet.

He is able to talk – well, mumble – a little bit at first, then gains the ability to speak more fully as the movie progresses. He tells her he’ll take her home in a few days. In his little plane house, we see traces of his humanity. He collects things, he listens to music, he reads US magazine, etc. Julie sees it too. And they start a sort of friendship.

Amongst all the cute nuances of their blossoming feelings and R’s reemerging humanity, the Bonies start causing trouble. Bonies are skeletal creatures that zombies eventually become. They’re fast and coordinated and don’t want the corpses to start becoming human. Because for some reason, Julie and R’s relationship changes everything.

I’m not giving anymore away cause I don’t want to ruin it for anyone. This movie was a lot of fun. It made me laugh, made me hide my eyes, and even made me tear up at the end. Who knew a zombie movie could do all that?

The acting was incredible. Again, it way outshines Twilight. Nick had the conflicted zombie thing down perfectly. He gets subtlety and used it well. Teresa looks like Kristin Stewart and I was a little concerned she’d act (if you could call it that) like her but she was waaaay better. Of course, a zombie could’ve played Bella better. But I loved Teresa, I thought she was believable in her role.

If you like paranormal movies, teen angst, or are riding the zombie wave, I think you’ll like this movie. But know that it’s a light-hearted movie, not meant to be taken too seriously.

And if you’re a zombie purist that thinks they should all act like homicidal maniacs or you’re a hipster that rolls your eyes at the recent zombie fascination…I’d skip this one.

How about you? Going to see this? Seen it already? Would rather have a hot poker to the eyeballs than see this? Chime in below!

Filed under: romance

Weekly Paranormal-Scope

February is here and in the Northeastern United States, Connecticut’s ground hog has predicted an early spring.  Bless his dear furry heart.  For many of us, winter chills have whacked us silly.  For me, my head is clogged up and I can’t hear.   But I am optimistic that even that will melt.  My doctor says to be patient.

Love is in the air.  That’s undeniable.  The cold winds only make us hug our loved ones more. lol   Let’s see what’s in store.

While I’m not qualified in any way to read neither stars nor planets, I am intimately linked with the paranormal in the world.  In many ways, so are you.

The week ahead for:

Aries

A pixie thinks you are adorable and is spreading the word.

Taurus

Vampires are the shadow heart always keeping secret hot desires.  Desire will come to the forefront this week.

Gemini

Being a lone wolf is not working.  Enjoy the benefits of the pack.  Meet new people.  Try new things.

Cancer

Faery folk think you are divine.  New wardrobe accessories are recommended to show off your sparkle.

Leo

A Yeti comes in from the cold.  Be prepared for an unexpected blast from the past.

Virgo

Werewolves know that scent fuels desire.  Have fun choosing a new scent!

Libra

Shapeshifters love stockings.  Buy some glamourous stockings.  Others will notice your shine.

Scorpio

Be safe in the arms of love.  A charming elf is coming your way.

Sagittarius

Minotaurs are actually great at choosing the best crystal for a gift.

Capricorn

Dragons adore you.  Yes, these friends are loud and powerful, but they will take you to new heights.

Aquarius

Having chosen your special tasks, enjoy the company of others more.  Extend your social life and see where that takes you.

Pieces

Wonder surrounds you with new experiences and things.  Whales dive deep so they understand the gift.  Dive deep into your world and be surprised.

–Susan

Susan Hanniford Crowley

http://www.susanhannifordcrowley.com

Filed under: Susan Hanniford Crowley, Weekly Paranormal-Scope

Guest Post: Charlene Raddon – Handbags!

by C. Margery Kempe

I’m pleased as can be to have fellow Tigearr Publishing author Charlene Raddon as my guest today. She will be giving away a copy of her western romance To Have and To Hold as well as a $5 Amazon gift certificate. She’s got a little piece of history that I know will be of interest to a lot of folks:

A History of Purses and Handbags

Ever wondered about the origin of handbags and purses, essential to fashion history ever since people needed something to carry around with them. The written first mention comes from the 14th century, although we do know that Egyptian hieroglyphs show pouches carried around the waist. Bags were attached to what were called “girdles” fastened to the waist. Embroidery and jewels adorned these articles and were used to show status—the richer the person, the more elaborate the bag.

In the 16th century, handbags became more practical with the use of everyday materials such as leather and a drawstring closure. During this period, larger cloth bags were used by travelers and carried diagonally across the body. More variety appeared in the 17th century, and both fashionable men and women carried small purses with complex shapes. Young girls were taught embroidery as a very necessary skill to make them marriageable and resulted in beautiful and unique stitched artwork in handbags.

Neo-classical clothing became popular in the 18th century, with a reduction in the amount of underclothing worn by women. To avoid ruining the look of this clothing ladies carried bags called reticules. Women had a different bag for each occasion and every fashion magazine had arguments on the proper carrying of purses. In reticules one might find rouge, powder, a fan, a scent bottle, visiting cards, a card case, and smelling salts.

The term “handbag” first appeared in the early 1900′s and generally referred to hand-held luggage bags usually carried by men. These were an inspiration for new bags that became popularized for women, including handbags with complicated fasteners, internal compartments, and locks. With this new fashion, jewelers got into the act with special compartments for opera glasses, cosmetics, and fans.

Due to the revolution in fashion—with varying hemlines and lighter clothing—in the 1920s, bags no longer needed to match the outfit perfectly. The rage was for the stylish lady to carry a doll wearing an identical costume to her own, complete with matching bag.

The 1940s saw new austerity in clothing, including handbags because of the war effort. Metal frames, zips, leather, and mirrors were in short supply so manufacturers resorted to using plastic and wood. This continued into the 50s. I well remember the boxy little plastic purses I had when I was young. The 50s also saw the rise of important designer houses including Chanel, Louis Vuitton, and Hermes, while the 60s saw old notions of the classical and the rise of youth culture broken down.

I wish I’d known all this years ago when I wrote my books. Now I must hope I used the correct terms for the time period in which my story took place. This is why an author cannot do too much research. Do any of you own any vintage or antique bags? Most would still be popular to carry today under the right circumstances. What sort of bag did you carry to your school prom?

 

Charlene’s first serious writing attempt came in 1980 when she awoke one morning from an unusually vivid and compelling dream. Deciding that dream needed to be made into a book, she dug out an old portable typewriter and went to work. That book never sold, but her second one, Tender Touch, became a Golden Heart finalist and earned her an agent. Soon after, she signed

a three book contract with Kensington Books. Five of Charlene’s western historical romances were published between 1994 and 1999: Taming Jenna, Tender Touch (1994 Golden Heart Finalist under the title Brianna), Forever Mine (1996 Romantic Times Magazine Reviewer’s Choice Award Nominee and Affaire de Coeur Reader/Writer Poll finalist), To Have and To Hold Affaire de Coeur Reader/Writer Poll finalist); and writing as Rachel Summers, The Scent of Roses. Forever Mine and Tender Touch are available as e-books and after January 24, To Have and To Hold will be as well. When not writing, Charlene loves to travel, crochet, needlepoint, research genealogy, scrapbook, and dye Ukrainian eggs.

Buy Charlene’s books here:

Amazon

Tirgearr Publishing

Filed under: C. Margery Kempe, Kit Marlowe

Sundries, Peeks, and Glimpses

While I’ve been ill and waiting for the meds to work so I can hear again, I’ve worked the day job, helped other sick family members, and tried to write.   It’s been tough so I’m napping, reading, and playing on Pinterest some of the time.  Have you visited Pinterest?  It’s a peek into a bigger world.  You learn things.  You catch glimpses of wonderful places, and have fun.



I learned about http://www.ytravelblog.com/blog/ by the photos of exotic places they post on Pinterest.  They are a family and their website and blog is all about traveling tips.   Their blog post called ‘Meltdown in the Most Important Temple in Bangkok” made me laugh.  I think every parent can relate.  http://www.ytravelblog.com/meltdown-in-the-most-important-temple-in-bangkok/  No matter how charming our young ones are, they are challenging.

After seeing their temple photos I went in search of more and more temple photos on Pinterest.  Temples and people at peace is a soothing sight.  Then I found a photo of dragon stairs at a temple.  How beautiful!  If you know me, you know I have a passion for dragons.

As you may or may not know, a very special book is currently in production.  No cover or release date yet.  For those of you who love Vampire David Hilliard of the Vampires in Manhattan series, you’ll be happy to know that the book for David’s vampire father is coming out.  Max is finally having his adventure.  Sexy and handsome Viking and modern day CEO Maximillion Vander Meer, famous with the ladies for his champagne baths.  Will Max find true love?   How can the oldest vampire in New York be the hottest?

I’ll let you know as that progresses.  In the meantime, I’ve been working on the next in the new series as well as an urban fantasy and a young adult novel.  I’m exploding with ideas but my fingers are slow these days.

February 14th is the birthday of Nights of Passion blog, and this year Gerri Brouseau has the honors to come up with something special for everyone.  Be sure to drop by on that day!   We want you to share the love with us!

–Susan

Susan Hanniford Crowley

http://www.susanhannifordcrowley.com

Filed under: Characters, fantasy romance, paranormal, paranormal romance, romance, Susan Hanniford Crowley, urban fantasy, vampire books, Vampire David Hilliard, Vampire Maximillion Vander Meer, vampires, What inspires you?, Writer's Life

Meet Mia Andrews (Jake Carrington’s love interest) by Marian Lanouette

Author side note: We’ll meet reporter Gwenn Langley in book three Mated for Life, A Jake Carrington Mystery:

Gwenn Langley from Channel Five News here. I took this interview to check out Mia Andrews. Not because she got this amazing deal from a big six publisher in New York, but because, I dated Jake Carrington until recently. I think Mia is the reason he stopped seeing me.

Truth be told, I didn’t’ want to like her. A beautiful woman, she looked tired and all stressed out. Not what I was expecting. What was that about? Well, given my interview skills I’m about to find out.  Let’s get to it. Side note this interview was completed just after If I Fail hit the shelves.

Gwenn: Hi Mia, congratulations on your book contract.

Mia: Thank you, Gwenn

Gwenn: What’s your book about?

Mia: It’s a fictional work, detective story.

Gwenn: (I wiggle my brows) Oh, based on a real detective maybe.

Mia: No. I’ve been writing this book for over two years.

Gwenn: Why so defensive?

Mia: I’m not.

Okie dokey, my reporter nose tells me there’s more here. How delicious. Maybe Jake is back in play.

 

Gwenn. Do you want to tell me a little something about your book?

Mia: Yes, it’s set in a small town in the Mid-west and the main character is a local boy who worked his way up the ranks.

Gwenn: So, he’s similar to the man you’re dating now? Boy if looks could kill, I’d be dead right about now.

Mia: I’m not dating anyone at this time.

Excellent, Jake is back in play though Mia Andrews doesn’t look happy.

 

Gwenn: Sorry, my research stated you were dating Lieutenant Carrington of the WPD?

Mia: No, I’m not.

The poor woman looks like he stumped her heart. I know the feeling.

 

Gwenn:  When will your book come out?

Mia: I’m told it will hit the shelves next spring.

Gwenn:  If I might ask, you are an Andrews of Andrews publishing correct?

Mia: Yes.

Gwenn: Why aren’t they publishing your book?

Mia: I know a lot of people (writers) won’t understand this, but I wanted to achieve the success on my own. I didn’t want it handed to me. This way I know I have a valid story and can be taken seriously as a writer.

Gwenn: I can understand that. Did you background in Psychology play into your characters?

Mia: I think a writer’s background plays into everything they write. Did Psychology help?  Hmmm! Sometimes it hindered me because of the behavior models I had in my head. Once I let my imagination take over the story flowed.

Gwenn:  We are running out of time, so before we go off the air, what is the name of your book?

Mia:  Blinding Heat.

As I took my mic off, I stood and extended my hand to Mia. “I’m sorry about the questions relating to Jake…”

Mia: “You know him?”

Gwenn: “Yes, I dated him for a couple of months.” I watched my words land, heavy like fists to her stomach. It wasn’t my intention. I don’t know why I offered her the information. She turned to walk away.  ”I’m not trying to hurt you. I heard he was in love. I just took it for granted it was you.”

Silence.

Mia nodded her head, turned to walk away again. “Mia, I’m sorry. He’s a great guy. It’s obvious you feel the same way. If you’re the one he loves, I’d fix what’s wrong.” My hand was still extended.

She took it. “I’m sorry.  I just can’t speak about it. Thank you for the interview.

I wonder if they’ll fix what’s wrong. I guess I’ll have to wait and see.

Buy links:

Amazon:

MuseItUp Publishing:

https://twitter.com/AuthorMarian

Facebook:

http://www.facebook.com/marian.lanouette?ref=tn_tnmn

Website: http://www.marianl.com

Watch Burn in Hell trailer. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AP2r5W7zeTo

 

Filed under: romance

Meet Marian Lanouette, the Author of “Burn in Hell” by Gerri Brousseau

NOP: Marian, welcome! What would you most like your readers to know about you?

Marian: I love creating and writing. When I’m immersed in my writing, Jake and his crew become more real than the people around me.    

NOP:  Are you one of those writers born with a pen in your hand and ideas flitting through your mind, or did your interest develop later?

Marian: I always wrote. There are so many stories in my head I started to write them all down and outline them for a later date. Some are part the Jake Carrington Series others are stand alone stories.  

NOP:  How long did it take you to complete your first manuscript?

Marian:  It took me three months to create the first draft.

NOP:  Did it fly from your fingertips, or did the story emerge slowly?

Marian: I couldn’t stop my fingers from flying across the keyboard.

NOP: Was the second book in the series more difficult or easier to write?

Marian: No, this one too flew from my mind to my fingers. It’s the third one I’m working on now that has given me some rough days. I think it relates back to the research on serial killers. After a while you need to walk away and breathe.

NOP:  Literary Inspiration: throughout your life, what novels have lifted you, made you think, “Someday I want to create something like that….”

Marian: I love the JD Robb In Death Series and I loved Agatha Christe’s mysteries. As a young girl I loved the Nancy Drew series. Two books that left a lasting impression were, I Never Promised You a Rose Garden and the Red Badge of Courage.

NOP:  Let’s talk about romance. You’re a mystery writer so with all the intrigue of murder going on in your books, how do you set the mood for your characters, what do you draw from that helps your H/H achieve oneness with each other? And how much conflict do you give them, along the way?

Marian:  Hmmm! I do love the murder and intrigue along the way but for the Hero/Heroine relationship it can’t be easy or it’s not worth it. When I create my characters, I give them real problems and feelings. For them to grow they need to understand what the problem is and work toward resolving it.

NOP:  What shining moment in your journey stands out the most as a real turning point for you as a writer?

Marian: Honestly, is was joining the CTRWA and meeting all the wonderful writers who were so happy to help, teach and share their knowledge. I would not have been published so soon if not for them.

NOP: When did you know you were going to write a series?

Marian: From the first sentence in If I Fail. I knew I couldn’t tell Jake’s story in one book.

NOP:  How about divulging a few things about Jake.

Marian: Well, he’s an excellent lover. Very considerate and smart, nothing gets past him. At times though he leads with his heart, he has to watch that.

NOP: Would you please give us an excerpt …

Marian:  Certainly, I hope you enjoy it.  

“Son of a bitch,” Kyra whispered.

Life’s not fair. In the last two hours she’d dumped over three thousand dollars into the God damn machine. This bitch sits down right next to her and hits the jackpot on the first spin. I’ll never get my son back this way.

Kyra Russell wiped away the tears that rolled down her face. Why couldn’t she hit the jackpot? Ten grand—she only needed ten grand to pay her lawyer. Taking another hundred-dollar bill out of her purse, she stuffed it into the machine and hit the maximum-credit button, anticipating the results. Loving the rush, her stomach jumped with excitement. Each time, her mind cheered ‘this is it.’ As the wheels rolled into place, a cold chill raced through her veins. One by one, they landed. By the second symbol, she realized she’d lost again. Kyra’s heartbeat increased, pounding in her chest, beating in her ears like African tribal drums, causing her anger to spike. It’s the next one, she told herself, banging the maximum-credit button again. Lord, she needed to take a pee break, though didn’t dare leave her machine for fear someone else would hit the jackpot after she’d primed the machine.

Watching the attendant pay the woman, Kyra counted along with him. The bitch won seventy-five hundred dollars. After the woman received her payout, Kyra tried signaling the attendant.

“Excuse me,” she called.

“Yes, ma’am?”

“I need to use the restroom. Can you watch my machine or lock it down?”

“I need to call a supervisor over. It’ll be a few minutes.” He pressed the button in his earpiece.

She watched him whisper into it. After ten minutes, the supervisor came over and locked down the machine for her, letting her know she needed to be back within the hour or they’d release the machine.

“Thank you.”

“Not a problem, Kyra,” the supervisor said.

He read her name off her reward card, addressing her like he knew her. Well, screw him.

She pushed off her seat, rushing to the ladies’ room. Kyra didn’t want to stay away too long, giving them a chance to re-program the machine against her or reset it. She hated the new system with the tickets. Since they’d installed it, she hadn’t won like she used to. How else could she lose constantly? Winning used to be the norm when she first started. It became addictive. She’d won twenty-five thousand dollars on one spin. On another night, she’d won eight thousand dollars.

Boy, the cash rolled in then. The feeling was indescribable when those wheels rolled into place and the bells went off. The noise the machine made when it hit a jackpot had crowds surrounding her. Though on that night she’d gone home with only twenty thousand dollars—she’d blown five grand trying to win more. Greed always took over. Winning excited her. It was the rush, the euphoria she got every time she pushed the spin button that kept her coming back.

The casino treated her like royalty, even gave her a host. He got her into the popular shows or restaurants anytime she wanted. Nothing was too good for Kyra, as long as she showed up and put her money into the machine. She became a regular at the players’ lounge—eat and drink for free. Yeah, free, her ass. The cost was extreme. Somewhere along the line, Kyra lost her self-respect—along with her marriage, her son, and her savings.

I have to tell you, Marian and dear readers, “Burn in Hell” had me from the beginning. Loved it. Please tell our readers where they can get this book, as well as the first book in the series, “If I Fail.”

Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Burn-Carrington-Mystery-Series-ebook/dp/B00B39SYUK/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1359409623&sr=8-1&keywords=burn+in+hell+a+jake+carrington

MuseItUp: https://museituppublishing.com/bookstore2/index.php?page=shop.product_details&flypage=flypage.tpl&product_id=646&category_id=69&manufacturer_id=178&option=com_virtuemart&Itemid=1

  Visit Marian at: www.marianl.com

Or contact her at: marian.author@gmail.com

Filed under: romance

Determination to the Tenth Degree

I’ve read a few blogs and comments lately about writers expressing frustration on how they’ve done everything right to attract readers and none of it works. For those of you not familiar with the writing world I’m talking about, I’m referring not only to actually writing the books but to facebook, twitter, blogs, author websites, enrolling with Goodreads and Amazon, attending blog hops and doing everything else a writer must do to get their name out there. Admittedly, it is a lot, especially when all most writers want to do is duck into the writing cave and spend their days there.

My advice to any despairing authors is to stay determined and to stay your course. Promotion these days is absolutely necessary as there is so much out there to detract from anything you want to say or do. Whatever you are doing, there are others doing that and much more. Still, if you stay consistent and determined to make it, it will pay off. Most importantly, don’t forget to start yourself on that next book as nothing is more important that more for your readers to read.

Now, I have to say that I don’t have a whole lot of experience overall in the writing industry. I contracted and published a novella, Irish Dreams and I contracted and will publish later this year my first novel, Blood Eternal. Still, much of what I encourage and say is purely based on my belief that it is necessary if you want to make writing a larger part of your life. Perhaps I’ll write a follow up blog next year letting you know if any of my determination and planning paid off. Still, I can believe giving up to be the answer. Moral of the story: while it’s in you to write, do it. Be determined and you will achieve.

Happy Writing to you all!

Filed under: Emotions, Toni Kelly, Writer's Life

Movie Review: Hansel & Gretel – by Leia Shaw

This weekend I saw Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters, having only seen one trailer and not really knowing what to expect. But my husband wanted to see it and I’m all for kids fairy tales being made into creepy action movies with enough gore to terrify children for years. So off we went!

The movie opens with a man ushering his two kids into the forest in the middle of the night and telling them to stay put with no explanations why. Great parenting, right? The kids obey for, like, five minutes then they wander aimlessly for a bit, cause, you know, dad is always throwing us into the forest by ourselves and it’s usually just to screw mom without an audience and since it only takes ten minutes or so, we’ll just go ahead and wander back home now.

But, of course, they come upon a house made of candy. My first instinct as they head toward it is to yell, never trust a house made of candy! Come on! It’s the oldest trick in the book! Then I remembered, oh yeah, this IS the book that all the old tricks come from. So I shut up and ate my goobers as the kids in the movie ate theirs.

Predictably (we all know this, right?) inside the house, a witch waits to trap little children and cook them for dinner. Did you forget this part of the story? Gross, right? What on earth prompted our mothers to allow us to read this shit? Anyway, this is not just an old hag with a pointy hat. This witch was what I called – no, yelled, out loud in the theater (don’t I sound fun?) – “An Orc Witch!!!” A nearly bald, wrinkled up, ugly as hell, creepy-ass witch!

Long backstory short, just like the fairy tale, she forces Hansel to eat a bunch of candy (which gives him diabetes he needs insulin shots for later in the movie) until Gretel picks the lock and together they “set her ass on fire.” Because, as we find out in the narrated prologue, that’s the best way to kill a witch.

Fast forward a few years and Hansel and Gretel have become the most famous witch hunters in all the land. After the opening credits, we’re brought to a small town surrounded by woods, where they crash a good old fashioned witch trial (of an innocent woman). My favorite line of the movie is the very first one spoken by the grown up Gretel.

“Let the girl go or I’m going to blow your sheriff brains all over these fucking hillbillys.”

Now that’s a way to introduce a character! Gretel (played by Gemma Arterton) quickly became my favorite character – between her kickass fighting moves, dirty mouth, and sometimes caring side… she was fucking awesome!

Hansel was played by Jeremy Renner (yeah, yeah, scream and pull your hair out). I know he has a huge fan base. I loved him as Hawk, but for some reason, he just didn’t fit in this movie. It had nothing to do with his acting. And yes, he’s still hot. I think he just looked too modern. Hansel would’ve been better played by a rougher, more rugged, maybe long-haired actor. But it didn’t ruin the movie for me. It was just a small preference.

After we see the two kicking witch ass, we find out that in three days time (why is it always three days?), the Blood Moon will occur and something really, really bad will happen. We don’t know what but it requires a lot of children. So the “hillbilly” town hires Hansel and Gretel to hunt down the witches and bring back the town’s kids that have been stolen.

Through out the action sequences set to a rock and roll soundtrack, creepy butt-ugly witches, and sometimes funny dialogue, more mysteries are revealed. Like, why did their father leave them in the woods that night? Why are they immune to witch’s magic? Etc. etc. The answers are pretty predictable. Unless you’re under the age of 12 (in which case you shouldn’t be in the theater – nudity and LOTS of gore) or you ate yourself into a diabetic stupor, you’ll figure it all out before the characters do.

Despite it being predictable and despite my dislike in casting Hansel, I did enjoy this movie. I became quite attached to the secondary characters *spoiler alert* It would be wise for you not to get too attached. *Spoiler disalert* Parts of the movie made me laugh. Another favorite line when the final show-down culminates at the candy house that began it all, Gretel says “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” while Hansel tells his companions, “Whatever you do, don’t eat the fucking candy.”

There’s a bit of cheesiness I could’ve done without – namely a giant troll named Edward who had a crush on Gretel. A supernatural creature obsessed with a human girl he’s forbidden to love? Remind you of anything? Yeah, well, the troll was a better actor than Robert Pattinson.

All in all, I had a lot of fun. It wasn’t cinematic genius but it was a fun way to spend a  Sunday afternoon. I recommend this for people who like action, don’t mind gore (lots of gore), and think the f-bomb said in the 1800′s is funny.

Two thumbs up!!!

Filed under: romance

Weekly Paranormal-Scope

While I’m not qualified in any way to read neither stars nor planets, I am intimately linked with the paranormal in the world.  In many ways, so are you.

The week ahead for:

Aries

Minotaurs know to check out the facts before entering any new business dealings.

Taurus

Passion fills you.  Werewolves understand when you get the scent you must follow.

Gemini

Gnomes are expert when it comes to smiling through percarious times.  Take a hint.

Cancer

Shapeshifters know that doing routine tasks can let you relax and remain productive.

Leo

Vampires know from centuries of experience, when things break you fix them even if it means waiting for the repairman.

Virgo

Hobbits know not to take current events at face value.  There’s always more to the story.  Stay close to your shire.

Libra

Dwarves know where to dig for gold.  Growing prosperity will challenge you to focus on your priorities.

Scorpio

Stress and strain may cause you to consider ending a relationship.  Think like a mermaid, let it float and the surface calm.

Sagittarius

Centaurs love to run but know that if you’ve been out of it a while to start up slowly.

Capricorn

Elves have compassionate hearts and will listen to a friend in need.  Be like the elf.

Aquarius

Too many tasks have you stretched to thin.  Reorganize and prioritize.  Like a pixie smile sweetly and say no to further obligations.

Pieces

Like Bilbo Baggins the Hobbit, you are about to embark on a new adventure in life.

–Susan

Susan Hanniford Crowley

http://www.susanhannifordcrowley.com

 

Filed under: Susan Hanniford Crowley, Weekly Paranormal-Scope