Matthew Dicks's Blog, page 94
March 25, 2023
I hope I don’t die before October
My doctor, who I like, canceled a recent physical because her schedule changed, but she could not reschedule that physical until October, which is, of course, horrendous.
How does she or her office not see this as abhorrent, disrespectful, and unprofessional treatment?
I hope I don’t die from something easily corrected before October, or I will be beside myself.
On the same day, one of our family’s dentists called to confirm an upcoming appointment and left a voicemail asking me to call back to confirm. I did, even though I wondered why they didn’t simply text me like every other of my healthcare professionals.
When I returned their call, I was asked to hold. I waited on hold for seven minutes before finally speaking to someone to confirm an appointment I already knew existed. When I said that I was confirmed for the next day, they asked me to state the time of the appointment. Since the appointment wasn’t actually for me, I wasn’t sure. “I don’t know,” I said, scrambling to open the calendar app on my laptop. “Sometime in the afternoon. After school. I have it on my calendar. Don’t you know?”
They did. They just wanted to hear me say the time. Like I was a damn child.
The next day, eight hours before the appointment, I received a text message from the same dentist reminding me of the upcoming appointment.
So they can send text messages to patients. They just annoy them over the phone first.
I like my doctor. I also know that the dentist in question is a good one. They are excellent medical professionals who have treated our aches and pains quite well.
But in both cases, their customer service sucks. It’s disrespectful, unprofessional, and unacceptable.
At least this week.
It needn’t be.
I know that we are beholden to these people to keep us healthy and alive, and I also know that, in many cases, they can’t take on many new patients. They have full caseloads already.
But that doesn’t mean they can’t delight us with reasonable customer service.
That doesn’t mean they can’t honor our time and treat us with the same respect as other professionals.
If you’re a healthcare professional, there seems to be a window of opportunity in customer service:
A means by which you could distinguish yourself from the competition by doing the bare minimum by way of treating your patients well.
It seems to be a very low bar.
March 24, 2023
The Simpsons is educational
I watched an episode of The Simpsons last night with Charlie.
Before we could even get through the opening credits, we had stopped four times so I could explain references to him, including:
Sammy Davis Jr.
I explained who Davis was, and we watched him sing and dance on YouTube.
What is reincarnation?
I explained the concept as best as I understood it and answered several of Charlie’s questions on the topic.
What is an amoeba?
I explained the creature (and other single-celled organisms) to Charlie, and then we went to YouTube to watch an amoeba in action under a microscope.
What is Star Trek? Specifically, what are the Star Trek transporters?
I briefly explained the history of the show, excluding the more recent offerings, and then we found a YouTube video that featured all of the Star Trek transporters on the show over the years.
All of that in just the 30 seconds of the opening credits.
You can just imagine how often we stopped during the actual show. The longest pause came when I had to explain the resignation of President Richard Nixon, including the roles of Bob Woodward, Carl Bernstein, and Deep Throat (Mark Felt) in uncovering the scandal.
The Simpsons is an objectively hilarious television show. Charlie and I cackled as we watched. But when I’m watching it with my kids, it’s also a nonstop lesson in history, science, film and television, music, politics, religion, and more.
My kids are insatiably curious. They want to know about the world, and they want to understand why something is funny.
I am more than willing to teach.
If I had my way, I’d watch one episode of The Simpsons every day with my students, then I would require them to research the various historical, cultural, political, and religious references throughout the show, both to learn about the concepts in isolation and then put them into the context and humor of the show.
It would be an outstanding way to learn about the world.
Sadly, it would also be different, daring, unusual, unexpected, and divergent. Outside the bounds of tradition. All of these things are typically perceived as wrongheaded, dangerous, and counter-productive by the people in charge of educating children.
Stupidly so. Cowardly so. Tragically so. But so.
Happily, for my kids and me, homogeneity does not rule in our household, so we’ll continue to laugh and learn for another 26 seasons of the show.
March 23, 2023
More than Words: 1990 and 2023
In September of 1990, the band Extreme released their balled “More Than Words” off their album Extreme II: Pornograffitti. Unlike anything the group had ever done before, the song features just two of the band members singing while playing acoustic guitar.
By January 1991, the song had hit #1 on the Billboard charts.
I loved that album. I still love that album. Extreme was a Boston-based heavy metal band that reached the height of popularity in the early 1990s with songs like “Kid Ego,” “Play With Me,” and “Hole Hearted.” I liked “More Than Words” when it was released, but I was and still am a fan of all their music.
In September 1990, as “More Than Words” began climbing the charts, I was living in an apartment in Attleboro, MA with my friend, Bengi, in a home we affectionately called the Heavy Metal Playhouse. Bengi was attending college at Bryant University, and after being kicked out of my home following high school, I was managing a McDonald’s in Milford, MA.
We were struggling at the time. Not enough money to turn on the heat and surviving on macaroni and McDonald’s leftovers. We huddled under blankets and watched a black-and-white television perched atop a baby-changing table. When the pipes burst in one of the two bathrooms, we simply closed that room off and never used it again lest the landlord discover that we couldn’t afford the heat.
I was less than two years away from being homeless, jailed, and tried for a crime I didn’t commit.
At the time, I didn’t see much by way of a future. College – my lifelong dream – was an impossibility. I could barely feed myself, so finding the funding for higher education seemed like years and years away. A good-paying job – or my dream job of teaching school – was well beyond my reach. I was living paycheck to paycheck, battling constant car trouble, and I was too poor for credit card companies to even consider giving me a line of credit.
My future was bleak. Though I wanted so much more out of my life, it was hard to see past my meager existence. But I never lost hope, even when things got very bad, and I’d always remained optimistic and positive. But rationally, I wondered how I’d ever make my dreams come true.
Thirty-three later, this past Sunday, I was sitting beside Elysha in the dining room at Canyon Ranch, a resort and spa in the Berkshires of Massachusetts, dining on turkey tartine in a seat that overlooked a snow-covered scene of perfection. I had performed two shows over the course of the weekend, which had afforded Elysha and me the opportunity to indulge in Canyon Ranch’s world-class amenities and fine dining.
Over the course of the weekend, Elysha enjoyed a massage and a facial. She spent time in the hot tub and cold plunge. I exercised in their gym, wrote while watching the sun rise over a snow-covered mountain, and read books beside a roaring fire. We learned to play pickleball. Relaxed and talked and read in many picturesque settings. Played music bingo. Met interesting people. Made new friends. Ate world-class cuisine.
I tried many new foods. Didn’t hate any of them and even liked a few.
There was even a pillow menu from which we could order a variety of pillows ranging from buckwheat to memory foam.
And as we ate lunch at that table overlooking that scenic perfection, I heard “More Than Words” begin to play on the restaurant’s sound system. It wasn’t the version I have heard one million times from the Pornograffitti album but an instrumental version played on piano and accompanied by strings.
Listening to that song, I was struck by how far I had come.
Had you asked the 20-year-old version of me if I would ever find myself at a resort in the Berkshires someday, performing for audiences, dining on turkey tartine alongside my wife, watching the sun rise while lounging before a roaring fire, and listening to an instrumental version of a song originally written and performed by Extreme, I would’ve thought you were crazy.
Never in a million billion years.
Yet it all happened. Change is real. Hope springs eternal. You can forge the future you’ve always wanted, and perhaps a future you couldn’t even begin to imagine, with a lot of hard work, a little bit of luck, and what I think has been most important on my journey:
A relentlessly positive attitude.
My future was bleak back in 1990. My possibilities seemed endlessly limited. I had no support system whatsoever. Other than the kindness of friends who weren’t doing much better than me, I was on my own.
The chances of making my dreams come true seemed unlikely at best.
But I kept hoping. Never stopped dreaming. Always maintained the faith that a better future might be possible. Continued moving forward.
Sitting at that lovely table, listening to the instrumental version of that song, and staring at my beautiful wife, I was reminded of how much more that younger version of me wanted from life. Even at my lowest point – homeless, cold, hungry, and awaiting trial – I had never surrendered hope. Had not stopped trying to make every single tomorrow better.
For a moment, I really couldn’t believe where I was sitting. Couldn’t believe what had become of my life. Couldn’t believe how far I had come.
Sometimes you need a reminder – a moment when the past and the present are brought together in near-perfect symmetry – to allow you clarity on your journey. A folding of time and space so that two moments – more than three decades apart – seemingly become one.
Then you tell yourself that story. Recount the journey, honor your struggle, acknowledge your success, recall your stumbles, credit your effort, and celebrate your achievement.
Regardless of whether you never tell that story to another soul, you tell it to yourself. Speak it aloud.
As human beings, we need to be alert to these singular moments in our lives when circumstance or fate or (if you believe in such things) divine intervention offers us a glimpse of the past and present with blinding clarity. We must be attuned to these moments of realization and revelation. These are the moments – often unnoticed and tragically unacknowledged – that can make us feel better and whole and good.
Find them. Hold onto them. Tell them. Speak them to yourself.
Never forget that the most important audience for any story you will ever tell is yourself.
March 22, 2023
Brandon returns in plastic
One of the prizes that I gave to my students last week was a small, plastic boy with red hair. Long ago, my children played with this boy, but being in middle school now, these toys have become meaningless to my kids.]
Truthfully, they would be meaningless to my students, too, if not turned into a prize.
Context is everything.
“This red-headed boy looks like little Brandon Dorfman,” I told my students. “My very first difficult student from my very first year of teaching.”
Then I told them a story about Brandon and some raisins. An amusing story about how a class of students – led by Brandon – turned against me when I tried to switch Junior Mints for raisins one day.
An hour later, I found “Brandon” on my keyboard.
An hour after that, he was sitting at my desk.
Yesterday I found him on my stool.
Ever since one of my students won the Brandon toy, it’s been popping up everywhere, making me crazy but also blessedly reminding me of a little boy who unintentionally taught me so much so long ago.
I’ve trained my students well.
Too well.
March 21, 2023
Hope!
It’s easy to think that in our polarized environment, people from opposing viewpoints can’t possibly reach across the aisle, change their minds, and find common ground.
But that’s not always the case. Happily so.
Here’s a recent exchange between a reader and me that may give you some hope for a better day.
It certainly gave me hope.
I’ve changed the person’s name to protect his identity.
_______________________________
Dear Matt,
I was enjoying this book (Someday Is Today: 22 Simple, Actionable Ways to Propel Your Creative Life) that I recently purchased until you started attacking people that didn’t want vaccines or didn’t embrace being mandated to wear a mask. This is a free country. It has been proven masks were not effective and getting a vaccine didn’t prevent the spread of covid and now we are also seeing the harmful side effects of the vaccine. I think you’re a powerful writer but I’m really disappointed that you included this opinion in your book and are attacking people like this. Don’t think I’ll be purchasing any more books now.
John
_______________________________
_______________________________
Dear Matt,
That’s a good point. Nothing wrong with some differing opinions. Appreciate the response. Will continue reading.
All the best,
John
_______________________________
Matt
March 20, 2023
“Burn it to the ground.”
Opposition is hard, but it’s not always impossible.
See Nebraska State Senator Machaela Cavanaugh, who stands opposed to anti-transgender legislation, including a bill that would outlaw gender-affirming therapies for those 18 and younger, as well as requiring people to use the restroom corresponding to the sex they were assigned at birth.
The kind of close-minded, hateful stuff designed to make the lives of transgender people more difficult and painful.
During a hearing on a liquor taxation bill, Cavanaugh took to the Senate floor, expressed support for the bill, then spend the next three days filibustering by discussing everything but the bill, including her favorite Girl Scout cookies, Omaha’s best doughnuts, and the plot of the animated movie “Madagascar.”
“If this Legislature collectively decides that legislating hate against children is our priority,” Cavanaugh said, “then I am going to make it painful — painful for everyone. I will burn the session to the ground over this bill.”
Knowing that laws limiting the rights of transgender children and adults were advancing through committees, Cavanaugh promised three weeks ago to filibuster every bill that comes before the legislature this year — even the ones she supports.
The result of these tactics has been to bring the legislative session to a crawl. This week marks the halfway point in the session, and not a single bill has passed the Nebraska State Senate thanks to Cavanaugh’s relentless filibustering.
On Friday, Cavanaugh agreed to stop her filibuster after Republican lawmakers agreed to bring the transgender bill to the Senate floor ahead of all other legislation.
Cavanaugh believes she has enough votes to kill the legislation once it’s put to a vote. If not, she has promised to resume her filibuster.
All of this is probably bad for Cavanaugh in the long run. She has likely alienated herself from her colleagues, and in a state as historically conservative as Nebraska, she’s probably not making voters very happy, but she’s decided to be the person who will stand in the breach and hold back this bigotry for as long as possible.
And maybe I’m wrong. She’s been a member of the Senate since 2018. and her recent victory over her Republican challenger was by more than 10 points, so perhaps she has the full support of her constituents. She’s also the first senator to breastfeed on the Capitol floor after proposing legislation that would have required a dedicated nursing station to be created for senators, staff, and visitors.
All 14 of the female senators signed onto the bill, of course, but (and this may surprise you) her male colleagues failed to take action on the bill.
The irony of this whole damn thing is that the Republican party is founded on the core beliefs of individual freedom, personal autonomy, and limited government.
People can choose to live their lives as they see fit.
Parents are responsible for the care and upbringing of their children.
No government official should be allowed to stand between you and your doctor.
But all of these core beliefs disappear whenever breasts or genitalia are involved, which is so weird. Penises, vaginas, and boobies somehow force Republican lawmakers to abandon all their principles and demand legislative control over them.
It’s downright creepy.
I wrote a letter to Senator Cavanaugh today, expressing appreciation for her defense of personal freedom and her stand against bigotry and stupidity. I’m quite certain that she’s received a great deal of hate mail these days and probably some death threats as well.
The anti-LGBTQ community loves to follow the teachings of Jesus and send death threats whenever possible.
So I thought I’d offer a note of positivity and support to counteract some of the cowards and trolls sending mail.
If you would like to do the same, here is Senator Cavanaugh’s contact information:
Senator Machaela Cavanaugh
Room 11th Floor
P.O. Box 94604
Lincoln, NE 68509
(402) 471-2714
Email: mcavanaugh@leg.ne.gov
March 19, 2023
Diaries of Note
Here’s my latest obsession, which should also be yours:
From the About page of the website:
Every day, beginning on January 1, 2023, a new (old) diary entry will be published on Diaries of Note, with each entry appearing on the same day and month as it was originally written.
Every single diarist will be different—nobody will appear twice—which means that by December 31, 2023, you will have been transported back in time by 365 people. Some will already be known to you; others you will be meeting for the first time.
Some entries will be no longer than a few words; others will need a little more of your attention.
I’ve been reading daily since mid-January, and it’s a delight.
Just this week I read a tragic entry written in 1910 by a famous (and doomed) Antarctic explorer, an 1838 entry from a pioneer woman in Oregon, and an 1847 entry about the famous Tom Thumb.
The dip into history has been joyous.
The things I’m learning about the past are fascinating.
But best of all, the ability of words to bring a long since deceased person back to life for a few moments is a constant, incessant reminder of their power when we are wise enough, committed enough, and relentless enough to share our lives with others and memorialize our days in print.
March 18, 2023
Beginnings matter a lot
During the 1980s, the average chart-topping song had 21 seconds of introductory instrumentals before the vocals kicked in.
As streaming services took the place of physical music, the music industry realized that a big, catchy lyrical hook was important to grab the attention of streaming listeners. so the time devoted to instrumental introduction has declined significantly among the top-charting songs, down to 12 seconds for songs topping the charts today.
That’s a 42% decrease from music being written and performed a generation ago.
As I’ve argued many times, beginnings are important.
In storytelling, speeches, lesson plans, and even marketing and sales decks.
Apparently, music, too.
Beginnings are important. They are the signal to our audience that we have something important to say, that we know what we are doing, and that the time you are about to commit to us will be well spent.
Beginnings are your opportunity to grab the attention of an audience or lose it forever.
Beginnings are your chance to create excitement and wonder in the minds of your audience or bore them to tears.
Focus on the first thing you write, say, or sing. Spend time making the absolute best decision about those first few things you are going to express. Never forget their importance to everything that will come after.
You’ll live or die by those first words.
March 17, 2023
The constant evolution of Elysha Dicks
My wife, Elysha, is currently learning to become a teacher of English language learners. She’s working through an intensive, year-long program that has essentially stolen away vast swaths of her weekends all year long.
It hasn’t been easy. It represents an enormous commitment on her part. She’s working like hell.
And she’s doing brilliantly. She loves the actual learning and is receiving high marks, though the workload seems rather onerous and occasionally obtuse to me.
Not her complaint. Mine.
Regardless, it’s impressive. She’s impressive. And she’s setting an outstanding example for our kids as a lifelong learner who works hard, chases what she wants, and believes that positive change is possible if you’re willing to make the commitment.
But here’s what’s equally impressive:
Last week, Elysha told me that when she’s finished with her program in June, her next goal is to learn a foreign language.
After working incredibly hard for a year, she plans to learn a second language.
I love this about my wife. Elysha doesn’t rest on any laurels. She’s never stopped learning and growing. In the past ten years, I’ve watched her become the host and emcee of our live storytelling shows, transforming from someone nervous about taking to the stage to a professional who entertains audiences, supports performers, and once introduced a United States Senator to our stage. She’s become so adept and skilled at emceeing that she has been asked by other emcees for advice and counsel.
She’s also the beloved cohost of our soon-to-relaunch Speak Up Storytelling podcast, which is listened to by tens of thousands of people every week.
She learned to play the ukulele.
She’s become a singer who both plays and sings onstage.
She’s learned to bake bagels and sourdough bread.
Things I’ve probably forgotten, too. New food, for sure, and probably some new type of knitting or sewing.
Elysha is constantly evolving. Relentlessly expanding her horizons. Pushing herself forward in new, interesting, and challenging ways. Doing things that are incredibly hard and demanding.
What she sees as normal and unremarkable is both impressive and unusual.
Our kids are incredibly lucky to see and learn from such an amazing woman every day.
So, too, am I.
March 16, 2023
10 rules of productive online communication – gen Z edition
The substack Many One Percents offers ten rules of productive online communication for people in the Gen Z population.
I found the list a little silly at times. Incredibly annoying at others.
1. Never end a sentence with a period (“.”)
I end every sentence in every text message with a period. Apparently, doing so can be quite triggering to my Gen Z brethren, signaling a level of seriousness that may raise their seemingly delicate hackles.
Give me a break. I’m a fan of grammar. I like a mark of punctuation at the end of my sentences.
2. Never text without emojis or text emojis
I’ve never used an emoji in a text message in my life. Or anywhere else in my life.
I prefer words.
I don’t think any less of people who use emojis, which is just about everyone on the planet except for me. They just aren’t for me. At least not yet.
I have, however, used the like and love buttons on text messages to signal my approval and hopefully end the conversation.
3. But do NOT ever send 
or
Never done it, but now that I know it might disturb my Gen Z friends, I kind of want to.
4. If you’ve seen it, reply it, can be anything, but REPLY IT ANYWAY!
Nope. Not everything requires a reply. Many text messages sent to me do not. Replying when unnecessary is called “A waste of my damn time” and “A waste of your damn time.”
My time is far more precious than the potential neediness of my Gen Z friends.
Also, “reply it?” Is that a phrase we use now?
5. If you’ve seen my story, you’d better reply to my message
Thankfully, I never see anyone’s story because I mostly live in the real world, accomplishing real things, making meaningful things, and interacting with flesh-and-blood people rather than creating forgettable, purposeless ephemera on Instagram.
6. “Haha” doesn’t equal funny.
What the hell does it equal, then? It’s not exactly my favorite means of expressing amusement. Still, I use it, and I like it a hell of a lot better than LOL or ROFL because those two things (laughing out loud and rolling on the floor laughing) have never actually happened to me after reading a text message.
At best, I might quietly audibly chuckle.
7. If we’re a couple, you’d better like my photos.
I assume this means a couple in the non-married sense because Elysha doesn’t need to like, love, or even look at a damn thing I post.
I value her time as much as I do my own.
But if I ever dated someone who needed me to look at my phone and press a “like” button on their photos to validate that person and express my love, I’d find another person.
8. Be careful with being “okay.”
It’s a sad and stupid world when a word as benign as “okay” is somehow aggressive or triggering.
I’m rarely just okay, but that word is as vanilla as they get.
9. Capitalizing the first letter in a sentence will reveal where you are.
Let me explain:
Your phone will autocorrect and capitalize the first word of every sentence, but the messaging app on your computer (if you’re using a Mac) does not. As a result, people can apparently determine the device from which you’re texting (and therefore your likely location) based on your capitalization.
Except “outside the home” and “inside the home” is not exactly a precise determination of your whereabouts.
Also, I capitalize the first word of every sentence because, again, I’m a fan of grammar.
10. If I tag you on my story on Instagram, you must repost
I had a non-Gen Z person call me out on this recently, complaining that I didn’t repost or retweet his mention of me on social media. I told him it was weird to assume that I had seen the mention, cared about the mention, or felt like it was a good use of my time to interact with the mention.
Once again, I am spending most of my life in the real world, less concerned with the utterly forgettable, completely meaningless ephemera of social media.
I use it. I post to it. I get news on politics, finance, marketing, writing, and the New England Patriots from a carefully curated feed of reliable sources on Twitter. I’ve even established meaningful, productive, and profitable relationships thanks to social media.
My use of social media once sent me all the way to the Supreme Court in a lawsuit against Donald Trump, which we won.
Social media has its uses. It can be a positive force in a person’s life.
It can also consume, contract, and corrupt your life.
Many of the rules on this list suggest (at least to me) the nefarious, all-consuming, time-sucking, mind-altering potential of social media.
Sadly, the list also seems to indicate the amount of time that people are spending their time online rather than interacting face to face, engaging in real-life experiences, and turning off their damn phones.
But perhaps this list speaks to a tiny subset of a larger, wiser, more balanced population.
I dearly hope so.
