Matthew Dicks's Blog, page 67

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Living forever

Want to live up to an additional 24 years?I’m trying to live forever, but 24 additional years would be a good start.Just add eight healthy lifestyle choices to your life at age 40, and that could happen, according to a new study analyzing data on United States veterans.

Starting at age 50 instead?

No problem, you could prolong your life by up to 21 years, the study found.

Age 60? You’ll still gain nearly 18 years if you adopt all eight healthy habits.

“There’s a 20-year period in which you can make these changes, whether you do it gradually or all at once,“ said lead study author Xuan-Mai Nguyen, a health science specialist for the Million Veteran Program at the VA Boston Healthcare System.

“We also did an analysis to see if we eliminated people with type 2 diabetes, high cholesterol, stroke, cancer, and the like, does it change the outcome? And it really didn’t,” she said. “So, if you start off with chronic diseases, making changes does still help.”

The study looked at the lifestyle behaviors of nearly 720,000 military veterans between the ages of 40 and 99. All were part of the Million Veteran Program, a longitudinal study designed to investigate the health and wellness of Americans.

Adding just one healthy behavior to a person’s life at age 40 provided an additional 4.5 years of life, Nguyen said.

Adding a second led to 7.2 more years, while adopting three habits prolonged life by 8.6 years. As the number of additional lifestyle changes climbed, so did the benefits, adding up to nearly a quarter century of extra life.

What are these magical healthy habits?

No. 1: Exercise produces a 46% decrease in the risk of death from any cause compared to those who did not exercise.

I exercise every day unless I’m ill or traveling. And often, I exercise while I’m sick and while I’m traveling.

No. 2: Not becoming addicted to opioids was the second most important contributor to a longer life, reducing the risk of early death by 38%.

No addiction, thank goodness.

No. 3: Never using tobacco reduced the risk of death by 29%. If you smoked at some point but quit, that still confers significant health benefits but does not yield an increased life span.

Never smoked once in my life. Honestly, why does anyone start these days? It’s expensive, stigmatizing, isolating, and reduces your number of possible romantic partners.

No. 4: Managing stress was next, reducing early death by 22%.

I rarely feel stress, but when I do, I manage it infuriatingly well, at least according to those who know me best.

Also, as a side note, exercise, meditation, music, laughter, and physical contact with human beings and pets can reduce stress significantly, so before you accept that stress is a permanent part of your life, take action.

No. 5: Eating a plant-based diet would raise your chances of living a longer life by 21%. But that doesn’t mean you have to be a vegetarian or vegan. Following a healthy plant-based plan, such as the Mediterranean diet full of whole grains and leafy green vegetables, was vital.

I do not eat a plant-based diet, nor could I imagine doing so unless ice cream, cheeseburgers, and eggs start growing on trees. But who knows?

Maybe someday.

No. 6: Avoiding binge drinking — which is having more than four alcoholic beverages a day — was another healthy lifestyle habit, reducing the risk of death by 19%.

I do not drink alcohol except for champagne toasts at weddings and similar circumstances. I have not consumed alcohol with any regularity for almost 30 years. Alcohol has no appeal to me. It does not taste good, and I have never needed help lowering my inhibitions or relaxing.

No. 7: Getting a good night’s sleep — defined as at least seven to nine hours a night with no insomnia — reduced early death from any cause by 18%. Dozens of studies have linked poor sleep to all sorts of poor health outcomes, including premature mortality.

I sleep about six hours every night – less than the study suggests – but I sleep exceedingly well, never suffer from insomnia, and always feel refreshed when I awake, almost always without an alarm. I know the amount of sleep I get is lower than recommended, but I sleep exceptionally well.

No. 8: Being surrounded by positive social relationships helped longevity by 5%,

I am constantly seeking opportunities to spend time with family and friends while also expanding the size of my friendship pool. Between my teaching career, my businesses, my performing career, golfing, and more, I spend enormous amounts of time with a wide variety of friends and family and constantly add people to my friendship pool.

In summary:

Not bad. Seven of the eight for me without any effort, and I’ve been doing all of them for at least two decades.

I’m clearly going to live forever.

Of course, all the lifestyle choices won’t make a difference if I go through another windshield, get stung by another bee, get hit by another car again, or experience any of the multitude of other bizarre, hazardous, and unprecedented accidents that have happened to me.

At least 21 trips to the emergency room and at least eight trips by ambulance.

Good living, it turns out, will only get you so far if the universe is hell-bent on punching you in the face.

But I’m still standing and glad you are, too.

No shame

In the United Kingdom, when a person dies without a will or no next of kin, their assets are claimed by the Treasury.

Contributed to the common good.

However, certain areas of the UK – Cornwall and Lancaster – are technically “duchies,” which means that after someone dies with no will and no heir, instead of going to the common good, their assets go to a family of wealthy landlords called “The Windsors.”

The Duchy of Lancaster belongs to King Charles III.

The Duchy of Cornwall is overseen by Prince William, who is also the Duke of Cornwall.

These are people whose status was conferred upon them through no effort of their own. Families with a certain degree of previous inbreeding had sex, and as a result, they possess the power to claim dead people’s money and land.

Thus far, they’ve collected as much as £1.2 million from estates that lack wills.

It’s all very strange. It’s hard to fathom how these genetically based systems of stupidity and unearned privilege still exist in the modern world.

But the part that I really don’t understand is the complete lack of shame that these so-called nobles possess. It’s embarrassing enough to claim status and title through genetic lineage, but then to use that status to take money from deceased citizens as if it were the Middle Ages strikes me as pathetic and absent any sense of decency.

Does inbreeding somehow eliminate the ability to feel embarrassed or ashamed? Does generational wealth somehow innoculate a person from the need for self-respect?

I’m going to write them a letter asking as much.

Handerpants for this holiday season

For the person on your holiday list who has everything, I give you handerpants:

Underwear for your hands!

Completely real.

Completely available online Right now.

A cashmere sweater or a bottle of wine make for a lovely gift, but what will be better remembered?

A sweater ultimately added to an existing pile of sweaters or a brand-new, never-before-worn, never-before-seen clothing item?

Just think:

Your loved one will need to assign an entirely new drawer in their bureau to their handerpants. They may need to clear out the socks they never wear or push aside the pajamas that never see the light of day just to make room for this incredible, novel addition to their wardrobe.

Unlike a forgotten sweater or an emptied bottle of wine, this gift will always be remembered.

Every time your friend or loved one dons their handerpants for another day at the office or another Sunday morning in the church pews, they will be thinking of (and thanking) you.

This holiday season, give the gift that will be remembered forever:

Handerpants

I’ll be giving handerpants to someone I care about this year.

No joke.

Will you?

A lovely idea, but not exactly a book club

The hottest new trend in book clubs is the Silent Book Club, where people can all show up in the same place and read whatever they want.

No talking. Just reading.

There are currently 525 chapters globally.

These “introvert happy hours,” as they bill themselves, have seen 75 percent growth this year alone. In some cities like Seattle, demand is so high that meetups must take place in ten different places simultaneously to accommodate the demand.

This is a lovely thing. I’ve never been opposed to reading. Communal reading sounds a little strange to me, but so, too, do green bean casserole, massages, and bungee jumping.

To each their own.

But I’m wondering:

Can we give this thing a different name? Because it doesn’t sound like a book club to me.

These silent book clubs possess none of the qualities of a book club except that they include books. The word “club” usually implies that a certain number of people greater than one will occasionally make eye contact, exchange thoughts and opinions, share ideas, and generally be social.

Reading beside another person possesses none of these qualities. If reading in the company of other human beings qualifies as a book club, then dentist waiting rooms, airplanes, public libraries, and the backseat of my car might also qualify as silent book clubs.

Please note:

I don’t think anything is wrong with these “introvert happy hours.” Read, I say! Read a lot! Read my books in particular! Purchase them by the bushel! They make a great gift!

In fact, stop reading now and make a purchase. I’ve published eight books so far. Maybe buy the whole collection. Twice!

I support reading in all of its forms and forums.

I’m simply opposed to this assigned nomenclature. “Silent book club” makes no sense. ”

Admittedly, it’s not a big deal. The name doesn’t really matter all that much. Referring to your silent reading session or introvert happy hour as a book club does not hurt anyone or even annoy me all that much.

It’s just an odd choice.

But this emergence of silent book clubs is a little concerning to me for other reasons. I worry that their rising popularity might be yet another signal of the growing challenge that human beings seem to face when it comes to making eye contact and speaking to one another in person, absent the filter of a glowing screen, a keyboard, text messaging, swiping, and the safety of isolation.

This is a real concern for me and many others. There is mounting evidence that human beings are withdrawing from one another and replacing authentic social interaction with isolating technological alternatives, leading to increased levels of social anxiety, loneliness, and depression.

I hope that silent book clubs are simply a means of finding a little peace and quiet in the company of like-minded strangers and don’t represent another form of retreat from one another.

Unexpected police encounter

It’s 6:30 AM on Sunday morning, and I’m heading to the Patriots game. I’ve just purchased my Egg McMuffin and Diet Coke, and I’m driving north on the Berlin Turnpike. It’s cold, windy, and raining. Not the best day for a football game.

Ahead, a traffic light is changing from green to yellow to red. Rather than slowing down, I accelerate and pass under the light when it is slightly red.

Pinkish, really.

A moment later, blue and white lights appear in my rearview mirror—a police officer.

Damn.

I pull over and turn off my windshield wipers, knowing that if I leave them on, they will throw water at the officer, who I assume will be standing beside my car in a moment. I lower my window, place my license, registration, and insurance papers on the dashboard, place my hands on the steering wheel, and wait.

A moment later, the police officer – a young man – appears and requests my license and registration.

“Where are you headed?” he asks as he glances at my license.

“The Patriots game,” I say.

“At six o’clock in the morning?”

“Yes,” I say. “We tailgate. I’m on my way to pick up a friend. It’s a long ride.”

He stares at me. Then he says, “Show me the ticket.”

It’s not easy. I take out my phone and tap the Gillette Stadium app. From there, I navigate to “Tickets” and am asked to log into Ticketmaster. I enter my username and password, and my first attempt fails.

I can feel the officer’s glare. He’s standing in the cold rain, waiting for me to find my tickets on my phone, and I don’t think he believes they exist.

I try to log into Ticketmaster again, and this time, it succeeds. It redirects me back to the Gillette Stadium app. From there, I click over to “Manage my tickets” and scroll down to today’s game:

Patriots vs. Chargers.

At last, I hold up the phone so he can see my tickets.

He stares at the phone for a moment, then at me for a longer moment. “Wait right here,” he says.

I won’t realize how nervous this makes me until I pull up to my friend’s house 40 minutes later and notice that I’m tearing at my thumbnail.

This is not something I ever do.

Staring at my thumbnail, I will suddenly feel the tension in my body. Muscles tightened. Senses on high alert. Even my breathing is shallow.

Having been interrogated, arrested, jailed, arraigned, and ultimately tried for a crime I didn’t commit because a handful of police officers determined that I was guilty, I’m always nervous around law enforcement. My life was upended for 18 months because of an incorrect decision made by the police. That decision cost me $25,000 in legal fees and led to my homelessness and, indirectly, to a violent armed robbery that still impacts me on a daily basis.

I certainly don’t blame the officer who just pulled me over for any of this, and I don’t think police officers are inherently bad or incompetent people, but after my experience with three of them in Bourne, Massachusetts, thirty years ago, it’s hard for those events not to impact me every time I encounter law enforcement in moments like this.

So I wait. Nervous but unaware. Annoyed with myself for trying to save a minute or two by driving through that pinkish light.

After what feels like a very long time, the officer returns. He hands my license and documents back to me. Then he says, “You’re going to watch the Patriots today, who’ve won just two games all season, in the rain, and the wind, and the cold.”

I’m not sure if I’m supposed to say something, so I say nothing.

Then he smiles. “That ticket on your phone is worse than any ticket I could possibly give to you.”

I smile. I even laugh a tiny bit.

“Stop running red lights. Okay?” And before waiting for a response, he’s headed back to his cruiser.

I can’t help but wonder:

Was he workshopping that response in his cruiser while keeping me waiting? Because it was the funniest thing I’ve ever heard a police officer say, and I’ve had more than my share of encounters with them over the years.

And he’s not wrong. Hours later, I will watch the Patriots lose 6-0 in one of the worst football games I have ever watched. We sit in the rain, wind, and cold and watch our team fail again.

Fail to entertain us in any way whatsoever.

But I also hope to remember that moment with the officer if I ever deal with law enforcement again. I know that police officers aren’t inherently bad people, but it’s sometimes hard to know something and also believe it when moments from your past are screaming for you to think and feel differently.

I hope to remember my smile and laugh at this officer’s joke the next time I’m pulled over for running a traffic light with a pinkish hue and remember that the officer I’ll be dealing with is just a person – maybe even an occasionally funny person – just doing their job.

Hopefully, on a bright, warm, sunny autumn afternoon when the Patriots are later beating the New York Jets 156-3.

Short, effective meetings wanted

This is probably not the best way to run a short, effective meeting, but it might be worth a shot, because here is what I know:

Every meeting is too long.

Every meeting wastes time.

Every meeting isn’t nearly as effective as it could be.

Planks are hard. I tried to work my way up to an eight-minute plank a few years ago after reading that an 80-year-old man could do an eight-minute plank.

I never got past five minutes, and that was a real struggle.

Which would make for a delightfully short meeting.

Hurkle-durkle is a monster

It’s important to give name to our modern-day villains:

Climate change. Election deniers. MAGA politicians. Anti-vaxxers. Elon Musk. The New York Jets.

And now…

Hurkle-durkle

(v.) to lay around in bed long after you should have got up [Scots]

At last, we have a name for this modern-day villain.

Remaining in bed long after you’ve awakened is disastrous for your ability to sleep efficiently and effectively. A stable sleep schedule is critical to waking up feeling rested. Lounging in bed is not conducive to a stable sleep schedule.

And if you want to be able to fall asleep quickly and enter and remain in REM sleep (the most restful, efficient period of sleep) for as long as possible, it’s important to train your brain that your bed is for sleep only and should not be thought of as a couch, a chair, a television viewing platform, or a place to do anything other than sleep.

Hurkle-durkle is disastrous for good, healthy sleep.

It’s also not an exceptionally good use of your time. I’ve never been opposed to rest and relaxation, but remaining in bed after you’ve awakened is not the place for that.

Want to wake up before the alarm, feeling refreshed and maybe even excited for the new day?

Avoid hurkle-durkle.

Want your sleep to be more restful and rejuvenating?

Avoid hurkle-durkle.

Don’t be fooled by its cutesy name. Hurkle-durkle is your enemy.

Resolution Update: November 2023

Every month, I report the progress of my yearly goals to monitor progress (or the lack thereof) and hold myself accountable. The following are the results from November 2023.I’ve also begun planning my 2024 goals. If you have any suggestions for new or revised goals, I’d love to hear them.PERSONAL FITNESS

1. Don’t die.

Recent bloodwork indicates excellence.

I have a calcium scoring scheduled for the end of December, which identifies possible arterial blockage. My last score, three years ago,  was a perfect zero, which both stunned and befuddled my doctor, who knows my love for cheeseburgers.

She almost seemed annoyed.

I’m looking forward to another zero in December.

As always, I plan on living forever or die trying.

2. Lose 20 pounds.

No weight was lost in November. Thanksgiving and the four consecutive Thanksgiving leftover dinners didn’t help matters.

My total weight loss in 2023 stands at 37 pounds.

Still well ahead of the original goal of 20 pounds.

I won’t declare victory until I get through the year with sustained weight loss, but at the moment, the goal to lose 20 pounds and my revised goal of 30 pounds have been achieved.

I’m hoping to hit 40 pounds by the end of the year, but three more pounds in a month will be tough.

3. Do at least 100 push-ups, 100 sit-ups, and three one-minute planks five days a week.

Done.

4. Cycle for at least five days every week. 

Done. I cycled for all but one day in November. I was traveling on that day, so biking was impossible.

I’ve also now exceeded 365 rides on the indoor bike in 2023, in addition to at least 53 outdoor rides, meaning I will have averaged more than one ride per day.

5. Improve my golfing handicap by two strokes. 

My handicap at the start of the year was 17.6.

I played 15 rounds of golf in November, including many mornings before work.

My handicap is now 13.8. A significant drop since January and considerably better than my goal.

I still can’t hit the driver, but I had a fantastic lesson last week that might finally make a difference. If only it would warm up enough to play.

WRITING CAREER

6. Complete my eighth novel.

Progress continues, interrupted momentarily by copyedits on my upcoming storytelling book.

7. Write my next Storyworthy book.

Copyedits complete! Final proofreading begins next week.

8. Write/complete at least three new picture books, including one with a female, non-white protagonist.

Three books are complete

“Operation Beaver Drop” is going out to publishers soon.

“Rock a Bye Baby” and “Duel in the Sky” will be sent to my agent shortly.

“Rock a Bye Baby” features a female, non-white protagonist.

I’m working on two new books now. Both nonfiction. One is nearly complete.

9. Write a new solo show.

Done.

10. Perform a new solo show.

Done. Performed July 30 and 31 and August 1. I’m in the process of scheduling shows in additional theaters for 2024.

11. Write a musical.

My friend Kaia and I are writing a musical that we will also perform, even though I cannot sing. She writes the music and lyrics. She and I write the story.

We brainstormed ideas in August and came up with some exciting ideas. A new concept and some ideas for songs.

I need to write some of the story for Kaia to begin writing music. I have not done any of that writing.

So partner I am…

12. Submit at least five Op-Ed pieces to The New York Times for consideration.

No progress.

13. Write at least four letters to my father.

I wrote a birthday note to my father in March.

One letter has been sent in 2023 so far.

14. Write 100 letters in 2023.

Done.

Another 24 letters were sent in November, bringing the total number to 208.

Recipients included students, former students, a podcast host, a children’s camp, six authors, and my kids’ teachers and principal.

15. Convert 365 Days of Elysha into a book.

My production manager is currently working on this project.

16. Read at least 12 books. 

Done. Three books were read in November. A total of 22 books so far in 2023:

“Happy-Go-Lucky” by David Sedaris
“The Groucho Letters” by Groucho Marx
“The Woman in Me” by Britney Spears

I’m in the middle of reading the following books:

“Save the Cat Goes to the Movies” by Blake Snyder
”Comedy Comedy Comedy Drama” by Bob Odenkirk
“Think Like a Monk” by Jay Shetty
“Smart Brevity” by Jim VendeHei, Mike Allen, and Roy Schwartz

Books read so far in 2023.

“Sapiens” by Yuval Harari“Life’s a Gamble” by Mike Sexton“The Sea We Swim In” by Frank Rose“Born a Crime” by Trevor NoahThis Will All Be Over Soon” by Cecily Strong“Magic Words” by Jonah Berger“The Science of Storytelling” by William Storr“Slayers and Vampires” by Edward Gross and Mark Altman“Hooked: How to Produce Habit-Forming Products” by Nir Eyal“Tough Sh*t” by Kevin Smith“From Saturday Night to Sunday Night” by Dick Ebersol“The Ship Beneath the Ice” by Mensun Bound“Nobody Wants to Read Your Sh*t” by Steven Pressfield“The Wager” by David Grann“The Other Wes Moore” by Wes Moore“Million Dollar Maverick” by Alan Weiss“Going Infinite” by Michael Lewis“Enough” by Cassidy Hutchinson“Holly” by Stephen King“Happy-Go-Lucky” by David Sedaris“The Groucho Letters” by Groucho Marx“The Woman in Me” by Britney Spears

17. Read TIME’s 100 Best Children’s Books of All Time. 

Three more books were read in November.

A total of 21 so far.

I’ve read many of the other books on the list in the past, but I am only counting those books I read in 2023 toward my goal.

18. Write to at least six authors about a book I love. 

Done. I wrote letters to Kate DiCamillo, Stephen King, John Green, Kevin Smith, David Sedaris, and Jessi Klein.

STORYTELLING/SPEAKING CAREER

19. Complete the re-recording of Storyworthy For Business. 

“Storyworthy” for Business is complete and available for purchase. Find it and much more at storyworthymd.com.

I want to produce a much-improved version of the course ASAP. Module 1 is now re-recorded but may need to be re-rerecorded. A lot more needs to be done.

The business has been on pause for good reason, but this problem is nearly over. We will be relaunching soon, I hope, with new offers, products, and more.

20. Record the next Storyworthy course.

Done.

Three brand-new courses have been added to the Storyworthy platform:

Finding Stories
Anatomy of a Story
Humor: Volume #1

I’m proud of all of them. You should check them out.

21. Produce a total of six Speak Up storytelling events in 2023

Three shows in 2023 so far:

April 22 at the Connecticut Historical SocietyMay 4, in partnership with Voices of HopeJuly 29 at Hartford Flavor CompanyNovember 3 at the Playhouse on ParkNovember 4 at Wolcott School

We had shows scheduled in October and December but the venues canceled because of bureaucratic nonsense, making the completion of this goal impossible.

22. Pitch myself to at least three upcoming TEDx events with the hopes of being accepted by one.

Done!

I spoke at a TEDx event at the University of Connecticut in January. Due to the delay in posting a TEDx Talk from more than a year ago, my University of Connecticut talk will not be loaded onto the TED platform for reasons I don’t quite understand.

I don’t mind. The clicker for the slides was broken, advancing two slides at a time, making for a rather imperfect talk.

I also spoke at a TEDx event in Natick, MA, on April 13. It went quite well. That video should be online shortly.

And great news! I received word that I will be speaking at TEDxBU in April 2024.

I also pitched myself to TEDx events in Harlem, Roxbury, and on the campuses of Yale University, Northeastern University, and Rhode Island School of Design.

TEDx Harlem, TEDx Yale, and TEDxRISD have declined. TEDx Roxbury was canceled. Northeastern has yet to respond.

23. Attend at least eight Moth events with the intention of telling a story.

I attended three Moth events in November—two in Boston and one in NYC.

My name remained stubbornly in the hat at all three slams.

A total of 18 Moth shows attended in 2023 thus far.

24. Win at least one Moth StorySLAM.

Done. I won the Moth StorySLAM in Boston on March 29.

25. Win a Moth GrandSLAM.

I competed in a Moth GrandSLAM in Boston in May and did not win. I also had to go first, which is not exactly fun or conducive to winning.

I competed in a Moth GrandSLAM in NYC in November and did not win.

I was invited to compete in the Seattle GrandSLAM in March and again in October, but traveling cross country was impossible.

I was invited to compete in the Washington DC GrandSLAM in November, but my schedule does not allow me to attend.

I will be performing in the Boston GrandSLAM in December.

I will also be performing in the NYC GrandSLAM in February of 2024, though that won’t help my 2023 goal.

26. Produce at least 24 episodes of our podcast Speak Up Storytelling.

No progress.

27. Perform stand-up at least six times in 2023.

I performed stand-up at the New York City Comedy Festival in November. It went very well.

28. Pitch three stories to This American Life.

Done! I pitched three stories to This American Life in November.

29. Pitch myself to Marc Maron’s WTF podcast at least three times.

I pitched myself to Marc Maron once in November.

One so far in 2023.

30. Send a newsletter to readers at least 50 times. 

Two newsletters were sent in November.

A total of 46 newsletters have been sent thus far in 2023.

HOME

31. Clear the basement.

Progress continues and is going well. Large furniture is now removed. Some serious organization of remaining materials is in order.

32. Clean and clear the garage.

A much-needed dumpster or hiring junk haulers will be key to completing this task, but it’s nearly done. And I’ve managed to slip a couple of larger items into nearly empty trash bins, which has helped. Large items need to be discarded, and a pile of Elysha’s school supplies needs to be organized or eliminated, but otherwise, it is almost complete.

33. Furnish and decorate the studio. 

Done!

34. Eliminate clothing not being worn and closet bins.

Done!

FAMILY/FRIENDS

35. Text or call my brother or sister once per month. 

Done.

36. Take at least one photo of my children every day.

Done.

37. Take at least one photo with Elysha and me each week.

Elysha and I took many photos together, but every photo had one or both of our kids in the photo.

38. Plan a reunion of the Heavy Metal Playhouse.

No progress.

39. I will not comment positively or negatively about the physical appearance of any person save my wife and children to reduce the focus on physical appearance in our culture overall.

Done.

40. Surprise Elysha at least six times in 2023.

Three surprises in November:

Tickets to The Nutcracker for Elysha and ClaraFlowers sent to Elysha’s workplaceAn anniversary card under Elysha’s pillow, celebrating the first time we went out together, not as a couple but with friends, which was still a big deal to me at the time.

A total of 21 surprises so far in 2023, including:

Half a dozen birthday cards, all handmade, scattered throughout her life on her birthdayTickets to the upcoming Lizzo concertA Pusheen Mystery BoxGoodie bag of Trader Joe’s delightsCoat from Canyon RanchVisit from KathySurprise dessert delivered personally to her schoolAnother surprise surprise dessert delivered personally to her schoolAnother Pusheen Mystery BoxTickets to Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me, Tina Fey/Amy Poehler, and Jenny LewisFlowers following Clara’s dance recitalFirst-class tickets on the flight back from DCFirst-class tickets on the flight to Everett, WAPusheen gift boxTickets to “Back to the Future” on BroadwayTickets to “Mrs. Doubtfire” at the BushnellA collection of simple syrups from Whidbey IslandRhode Island and Boston weekends planned with friends for the fallTickets to The Nutcracker for Elysha and ClaraFlowers sent to Elysha’s workplaceAn anniversary card under Elysha’s pillow

41. Play poker at least six times in 2023.

No progress. It’s ridiculous since I love this game so much.

42. Spend at least six days with my best friend of more than 30 years.

Done.

No visits in November. Seven total visits in 2023 so far.

MUSIC

43. Memorize the lyrics to at least five favorite songs. 

Four songs memorized so far.

In November, I memorized the lyrics to Taylor Swift’s “You Need to Calm Down” and Elvis’s “Burning Love.”

I’ve also memorized the lyrics to “Lay It On Me” by Vance Joy and “Come a Little Bit Closer” by Jay and the Americans.

I’m still working on Fleetwood Mac’s “Go Your Own Way,” “Renegade” by Styx (with Charlie and Clara), and “Come On Eileen.”

44. Learn to play the piano by practicing at least three times a week. 

Done.

MISCELLANEOUS PROJECTS

45. Learn the names of every employee who works at my school.

I learned the name of another paraprofessional at our school. I’m struggling to find people whose names I don’t know now.

46. Convert our wedding video to a transferable format.

Done! The wedding video and a great deal of other content were successfully extracted from my ancient Apple laptop. The footage was not removed in perfect order, so some work will need to be done to reassemble the parts of the video, but at last, this goal has been completed.

47. Memorize five new poems.

I’m currently memorizing (and learning to sign) “The Road Not Taken” by Robert Frost.

This is the only memorized poem (or not-yet-memorized poem) in 2023 so far.

48. Write to at least three colleges about why they should hire me.

I have begun writing the letter, but I wonder if I would still want the job.

49. Complete my Eagle Scout project.

I’ve reached out to the folks who manage the cemeteries in Newington for assistance on this project in March.

No response.

Still need to reach out again.

50. Post my progress regarding these resolutions on this blog and social media on the first day of every month.

Done!

Subversive

I have a flip chart of feelings on my desk at school. Each day, sometimes during the day, I flip it to a feeling that represents my current mood.

It’s designed to do two things:

Teach my students new vocabulary.Make my students aware of how I’m feeling so that they can adjust accordingly.

That second goal turned out to be much less meaningful than I had initially envisioned.

Years ago, a now-retired school secretary always had the pulse of the principal, so when I needed to ask for a favor or disclose an act of stupidity to him, I would ask her if it was a good time to do so, and she would always know.

I thought my feelings chart could serve a similar purpose for my students, but I’m almost always in a great mood, so the only feelings that appear on my flip chart are words like bouncy, chipper, giddy, hunky-dory, inspired, and mischievousness.

Last week, I flipped it to “peckish” when I was hungry, but that’s the closest my students have seen to a negative feeling.

I was flipping through the chart on Friday, looking for something new, when I saw “subversive” and thought, “Yes, this is me.”

An hour later, one of my students saw the chart and wondered what “subversive” meant. She turned the chart over, read the definition, and then announced to me and the class, “Oh, this is always you. Every day, this is you. This should be the only feeling for you. You need to buy two of these charts. One should just stay on subversive, and the other one can show a different feeling. You are subversive every minute of every day.”

It’s so good to be known.