Matthew Dicks's Blog, page 630

Growing meat

The thought of growing meat on plants is thrilling enough, but if they can get said meat to qualify as a vegetable (preferably green and leafy), my life will nearly be complete.

From the book of No duh

Scientific American reports on a study dealing with bird communication. 

"Similar to us, birds learn to sing by mimicking the adults, and the early chirps are akin to a baby's babble. They learn through practice alone or with other birds. But what this study of young zebra finches found, is that if the teen, even in the midst of his singing education, is near a female he is able to throw down the best version of the song. And this best version typically has a similar syllable structure, variation and sequence as the final adult version of the song.

Not only does this study provide insight into how communication develops it's another example of the powerful influence mating can have on social behavior."

You mean that male birds perform better in the presence of women?

I'm willing to bet the same is true for grizzly bears, komodo dragons and cockroaches, too.  

We needed a study for this?

Three unprecedented requests

Last night my daughter made three unprecedented requests:

Upon arriving home, she asked me for a kiss.

This has never happened before. 

After banging her head on the refrigerator, she asked me to sit on the floor so she could cuddle with me.

With me.  Not Mommy, even though she was in the next room.  Never happened before. 

And then she ended the night by asking me to help her brush her teeth.  This coming from a girl who fought teeth-brushing so much that I would hold her hands down while my wife struggled to brush her teeth between wails.

Feeling pretty good as a Daddy. 

Shes not happy.

My daughter is never happy when Mommy leaves before bedtime, but her Oscar party called. 

Just when I thought that a little whipped cream had erased the tears, Clara has a second bout with sadness, including a proposal to chase Mommy down.

Bunking and Right now! Ever heard of them before?

When I was in high school, there were two phrases that we used a lot that I have never heard since.  I've often wondered if they were exclusive to my hometown of Blackstone, Massachusetts. 

Bunking was the word used to describe skipping school.  If you skipped school, you bunked.  In fact, what is referred to in many towns as Senior Skip Day was known in my town as Senior Bunk Day.

Anyone ever heard the word used this way before?

The other was the phrase "Right now!" which was used to express your absolutely and unholy willingness to fight regardless of the time or location. 

Imagine the following scenario:

I am walking down the hall to my next class when I bump into someone who I consider an enemy.  As our shoulders inadvertently strike, Lord of the Flies falls from my hands onto the floor.  I immediately take this as a sign of aggression, an act of war, and I throw down the remaining books, shove my enemy in the chest, and shout "Right now!"

In layman's terms, these two words mean, "I am so incredibly angry and hopped up on testosterone that I am willing to fight you right here in the hallway outside Mr. Furey's chemistry lab between D and E period.  Unless you want to appear as a complete coward, you will throw your books aside with the requisite flourish and begin exchanging fisticuffs with me."

I heard and used the phrase "Right now!" dozens, if not hundreds, of times while growing up, but ever since I left Blackstone, the phrase has disappeared completely (other than Van Halen's use of it, of course.)

Was this a phrase exclusive to Blackstone, MA in the mid-late 1980s?

Congratulations, sis!

My sister finally landed a job, which means that she now has the three jobs that all members of our family seem to require.

We're a productive, albeit self-flagellating, people.

Naked life coaching?

I've been trying to establish myself as a life coach for more than a year without much success.  I have two pro bono clients who can attest to my skill and expertise but no paying clients yet.

Perhaps this is because I have not offered to take my clothing off while dispensing my keen and insightful advice.

At last

I may not agree with many of Mike Huckabee's positions, but he is the first Republican who I have heard take a stand against the absurd and lunatic attacks by conservatives such as Mitt Romney, Rush Limbaugh, Michele Bachmann and Glenn Beck on Michelle Obama's recent anti-obesity campaign.

Finally, a voice of reason in a wilderness of fanaticism and misrepresentation.

Thank you, Mr. Huckabee. 

Poetry collection continued

Thanks so much for the gracious response to the first poem posted yesterday.  Your emails, comments and Facebook messages were much appreciated.

Here's another, completely the opposite of yesterday's short and silly poem:

_________________________________________________

April 20, 1999

I'm eating baked beans from a round bowl,
so the dark, sweet sauce doesn't crawl across the plate
and contaminate my other food.
My fries are getting cold.
In Littleton, Colorado,
helicopters hover above a school
where kids huddle in corners, hiding from classmates turned hunters.
My father is eating beans too.
He is quiet, and he is never quiet.
His hand hoists the spoon to his lips, and I watch it tremble.
Drops of brown splatter back into his bowl.
He was quiet like this when we watched Oklahoma City,
sitting on the couch in our old apartment.
He was quiet for a day, then angry for another,
but by the third, things were normal again.
For all the adults.
They weren't whispering anymore.
It was gone.
The same happened after Jonesboro, Arkansas.
And then three days later we saw Derek Jeter hit a triple to left-center field,
munching Cracker-Jacks on a sun-splashed New York afternoon,
laughing as he slid in head-first, hugging the bag.

News anchor Brian Williams is on the television now, talking to psychiatrists.
He is wearing a blue and white tie that matches his suit perfectly.
The sheriff just told a reporter that the more press this event gets,
(yes, they are now calling it an event)
the more likely it will happen again somewhere else.
Now Brian Williams is telling the psychiatrist,
or was it a psychologist,
that twenty five dead kids is a legitimate news story.
He says they have a duty to fly helicopters, cross behind yellow police-tape,
and ask a freshman how it feels to watch her sister get shot in the back.
Twice.

Later on, my dad returns home,
and asks mom if she remembered to tape NYPD Blue.
She says yes.
He smiles.
MSNBC has been turned off for a while now,
ever since the gunmen were reported dead.
He says he was listening to the Yankee game on the car radio.
They're winning 4-0.
"Conie's pitching a gem and Paulie knocked two out of the park."
Sunday, he reports, is Joe DiMaggio Day at the stadium.
He pokes at cold beans and asks if we want to go.

Zelda fangirl

The Legend of Zelda turns 25 this week.  In honor of the iconic videogame, I offer this brief anecdote:

There are hundreds, if not thousands of reasons why I love my wife, but many of them fall under one overarching heading:

She is cool.

And while there may be many, many reasons why this is so, here us one of my favorites:

When Elysha was in high school, she once skipped school in order to spend the day playing The Legend of Zelda. 

Total hotness.

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