Matthew Dicks's Blog, page 61

Students and phones: An update

An update on a previous post about eliminating the distraction of phones in school:

School districts across 41 states have spent $2.5 million over the past eight years to buy the pouches from Yondr.

But most of that has come in the past year and a half as schools try to find new ways to secure student attention during class.

The pouches are reusable and only slightly bigger than a smartphone. They lock and unlock with the touch of a specialized magnet, making them harder to open than a fabric fastener and quicker to unlock. Students retain possession of their phones but cannot access them unless a teacher or administrator unlocks the pouch.

Happily, joyfully, blissfully, these pouches have become ubiquitous in a growing number of schools nationwide.

As an elementary school teacher, I rarely deal with phones. Some children bring them to school, but they must remain tucked away in their backpacks and lockers for the entirety of the school day. Admittedly, the age at which some of these kids carry phones is disturbing (though anything less than high school age is alarming to me), but at least they don’t interfere with our school day.

In an average school year, I may confiscate one phone from a student who attempts to use it at recess.

Otherwise, I never see their phones until the end of the school day.

But in middle and high school, the widespread use of phones has been disastrous.

About 46% of teens say they are online “almost constantly,” which is double the share who said the same thing in 2014-2015, according to surveys over time by the Pew Research Center.

In a Pew survey in 2023, 95% of teens ages 13 to 17 said they had access to a smartphone.

Governments are beginning to take action, too. Florida, Ohio, Colorado, Maryland, Connecticut, Pennsylvania, Virginia, and California have prohibited the use of phones during school hours or are currently working on such restrictions.

Perhaps you can close Pandora’s Box after all… at least during the school day.

I’m so rich!

Exciting news! I’m rich!

The website allfamousbirthday.com has a page dedicated to me, and the information listed is quite surprising.

The website accurately lists my educational background, birthday, place of birth, and all eight books that I’ve published, but it also says:

“Matthew Dicks is one of the richest American novelists from the United States. According to our analysis, Wikipedia, Forbes & Business Insider, Matthew Dicks’s net worth is $5 million. (Last Update: February 3, 2024)”

Also:

“Matthew is ranked on the list of most popular American novelists. Also ranked in the elite list of famous people born in the United States.”

This was exciting news. I immediately opened my banking app to see if something had changed overnight. Perhaps unexpected royalties from one of my international publishers had landed in my account in a size never before seen, but alas, the amount of money we have remained the same.

I thought about adding up all of our retirement accounts, equity in our home, brokerage accounts, and the kid’s piggy banks to see if it approached $5 million, but that seemed like a lot of effort for little reward.

The website also states:

“According to our records, Matthew Dicks is possibly single and has not been previously engaged. As of December 2021, Matthew Dicks is not dating anyone.”

This is odd since, in another part of the website, it indicates that I’m married to Elysha.

But maybe something happened over the weekend that I don’t know about? Perhaps I should check with Elysha to see if something has resulted in me becoming unknowingly single, but I think I would’ve at least been served papers if that were the case.

Also, I know I’ve been previously engaged, so that bit of information is inaccurate. In fact, my proposal – made on the steps at Grand Central Station – was witnessed by about two dozen friends hiding in the holiday crowd.

Admittedly, Elysha never said yes to my proposal. She only wept. But she planned the wedding and married me, so I’ve always assumed her tears indicated a yes, and we were engaged.

The website also invites readers to “help us to build the dating records for Matthew Dicks!” So perhaps all of my previous girlfriends from bygone days can contribute to the timeline of sorts.

I wondered if this website was an outlier, so I Googled “Matthew Dicks net worth” and found many, many websites that all seem to agree that my net worth is somewhere between $1.5 and $5.5 million.

I know it’s been said many times that you can’t trust anything the internet says, and that is true. But when so many websites agree on the same piece of inaccurate information, you start to see how false information can spread and become a reality for so many people.

In this case, the information, thankfully, isn’t damaging (unless the IRS audits me), but you can see how the spread of disinformation and lies can become cemented in the minds of others if spoken or written enough.

If only these websites would spread the kind of disinformation I would enjoy. Things like:

“Reading Matthew Dicks’s novels makes you more attractive.”

“Most people purchase Matthew Dicks’s books by the baker’s dozen because they make the best gifts that a loved one could ever receive.”

“Matthew Dicks intentionally plays golf poorly to help boost his friend’s long-suffering egos.”

“When Matthew Dicks tells a joke in a standup routine that doesn’t get a laugh, it’s always the audience’s fault because everything he says is funny.”

“Matthew Dicks’s wife, Elysha Dicks, finds him entirely and wholly irresistible at every moment of the day and night.”

Nothing wrong with a little disinformation if it helps the cause.

Corrections

For the record, this New York Times story from 2009 on famed news anchor Walter Cronkite, known for his adherence to the facts, is comprised of exactly 1,000 words.

The corrections to the story take up another 267 words.

This ratio would indicate that every fourth word of the story was inaccurate. It’s an imperfect way of assessing accuracy, of course, but still… when you write 1,000 words and require 267 words to correct them, you have a serious problem.

I am constantly telling my students that “Mistakes are valuable!” but there comes a point when mistakes stop being valuable and start being egregious.

Despite the astounding number of corrections to the piece, it does not appear to have derailed the career of its author, Alessandra Stanley. Stanley went on to write many other pieces for the New York Times and has enjoyed a successful career in journalism, though several news and media organizations, including the Times, have criticized the accuracy of Stanley’s reporting.

In an August 2009 article examining the mistakes in the Cronkite piece, Clark Hoyt, the Times‘s public editor, described Stanley as “much admired by editors for the intellectual heft of her coverage of television” but “with a history of errors.”

It’s surprising an esteemed newspaper like the Times wouldn’t be fact-checking these pieces better. Years ago, the Hartford Courant ran a front-page article on me in their Sunday edition, and it required a two-hour phone call to fact-check every element of the story.

Stanley is writing less for the Times today. In 2019, she co-founded a weekly newsletter “for worldly cosmopolitans” called Air Mail alongside former Vanity Fair editor-in-chief Graydon Carter.

Wikipedia also indicates she “is friends with New York Times columnist Maureen Dowd.”

Since when did friendships become worthy of a Wikipedia mention?

Stanely’s last New York Times piece was published in 2022:

An obituary of news anchor Barbara Walters.

And yes, it contains one correction. So far.

Why I Hate Wes Anderson films

The reason why I don’t like Wes Anderson films is a simple one:

I want to forget that I’m watching a movie. I want to get lost in the story. I want to feel like the characters and plot are real.

I want this when watching a movie or television show, reading a book, or watching a play. It’s also what I attempt to achieve as a storyteller, whether working on the page or the stage.

Wes Anderson refuses to allow me to do this.

His obsession with symmetry, tableau vivant, planimetric shots, and his limited palette of colors forces me to constantly assess his direction and cinematography. Rather than getting lost in the story, I feel the voice of the director shouting, “Look at how I designed this kooky shot!”

Anderson constantly reminds me that this story is not real. His movies are an exercise in visual specificity.

It’s surprising that I don’t love Anderson’s work because many of his themes are ones that I adore. Like Anderson, my novels (and even many of the true stories I tell onstage) are filled with deadpan humor, quirky characters, coming-of-age themes, and nostalgia.

All staples of a Wes Anderson film.

But because I’m never allowed to become lost in the story and am constantly reminded of the man behind the lens, I never feel attached to the characters in his films. I don’t care enough about them to worry or want. Suspense does not exist because there is no reason for suspense. I don’t care enough about the characters to lean forward and wonder what will happen to them next because they are positioned symmetrically in front of a table of irrelevant and confusing objects that have nothing to do with the plot or future of the character.

As a result, his stories lack stakes.

I still lament the fate of Thelma and Louise, Randall in One Few Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, and Neil from Dead Poet’s Society. I wonder how Andy and Red from The Shawshank Redemption spent their final years. I want to know if Mikey McDermott from Rounders made it big at the World Series of Poker. Is Cobb from Inception still trapped in a dream?

I care about these characters, and so many more, long after the movie is done.

Just when I start to care about Anderson’s characters, he denies me the opportunity by designing a purposefully artificial shot filled with silliness, randomness, and unreality that undercuts the emotion.

This is why I don’t enjoy Wes Anderson’s movies. I want stories that I can believe. I want to be tricked into thinking they are really happening. I want the characters to feel so real that I’m still thinking about them years later.

Anderson fails this for me.

This video explains my problem perfectly.

Self confidence looks like this

Thin-skinned monsters roam the Earth.

They are the kind of people who fall apart at the slightest criticism. Can’t make fun of themselves. Can’t stand being the butt of any joke. Claim to be strong and powerful but can only boast, brag, and compliment themselves.

I once worked for one of these monsters – thankfully for a short period of time – and it was no fun. When these cretins land in positions of power, they draw the most supplicating sycophants to their sides to further boost their unwarranted, fragile egos, thus creating a small army of awfulness and disgust.

Donald Trump is probably the best and most pathetic example of this.

This is not confidence, of course, nor is it strength. It takes nothing to say nice things about yourself. Courage is not required to boast and brag. Real strength and courage can be found in people willing to acknowledge their flaws. Speak vulnerabily. Allow people to poke fun at them without falling apart. Poke fun at themselves because they understand that everyone is flawed.

These are the people who impress me most.

On Saturday Night Live last week, actor Dakota Johnson embodied this strength and clearly possesses a healthy ego. In a pre-recorded skit, she allowed the Please Don’t Destroy boys to make fun of her for things people have actually criticized her for in the past.

Real criticism – mostly unwarranted but still authentic – including:

Her soft, often monotone voiceHer striking similarities to Aubrey Plaza (along with the implication that Plaza is a better actor)Her bangsHer archetypal nepo baby statusHer past and recent box office flops

It’s not often that you see someone attain international stardom and be so willing to allow others to make fun of them on a national stage for the sake of the laugh.

It was impressive.

The fact that so many of Hollywood’s nepo babies bristle from the implication that at least some portion of their success came from the good fortune of having parents or other relatives working in an industry that often famously requires “a big break” makes Dakota Johnson’s willingness to acknowledge and make fun of her own nepotism so unusual and impressive.

Her father is Don Johnson. Her mother is Melanie Griffith.

Of course, she had an advantage over an Iowa farm girl who dreamed of one day making it big in Hollywood.

But unlike so many thin-skinned monsters with fragile egos, Johnson is willing to accept, acknowledge, and make fun of it. She can both make fun of herself and still feel good about herself. He can acknowledge the good fortune that helped her succeed while still giving herself credit for her skill, talent, and hard work.

This is a person who is supremely confident in herself. Comfortable in her skin. Willing to be the butt of the joke without lashing out at people, throwing ketchup at the wall, lying about their detractors, calling people names, discounting their enormous advantages gifted by parents, and endlessly whining about injustice.

It requires nothing of a person to say nice things about themself. Courage is not needed to brag about your accomplishments. Strength is not needed to boast about your self-perceived successes.

Those who endlessly do so are sad, fragile, and weak.

Johnson possesses the qualities we should aspire to in ourselves and the people leading our country today.

Resolution update: January 2024

Every month, I report the progress of my yearly goals to monitor progress (or the lack thereof) and hold myself accountable. The following are the results from January 2024.PERSONAL FITNESS

1. Don’t die.

Still alive. Crushing it.

2. Lose 10 pounds.

I weigh exactly the same amount today as I did on January 1, which is a bit of an accomplishment given I spent four days in Florida, three days at a Berkshire resort, and celebrated Clara’s birthday party twice.

Lots of excellent meals and delicious desserts this month, but I’m holding steady and looking ahead to progress.

3. Do a targeted push-up workout at least four times per week. 

Done. Since switching from 200 push-ups a day to this targeted routine, my push-up routine takes less time to complete but are much harder to do.

Probably a good thing.

4. Complete 100 sit-ups four times per week. 

Done.

5. Complete three one-minute planks four times a week.

Done.

6. Cycle for at least five days every week. 

I was away for four days in Florida and three days in the Berkshires in January, so I failed to ride the bike on those days, but I made up for the missed days with multiple rides on other days. I’ve recorded 30 rides in 31 days in January.

7. Meet or beat the USGA’s average golfing handicap for men of 14.2. 

I’ve begun recording my handicap on a new, more accurate, more official app, so I have yet to play enough golf to yield an official handicap yet.

WRITING CAREER

8. Complete my eighth novel.

I’m proofreading (yet again) my next book and writing for other projects right now, so as soon as that is complete, I will be hard at work on this novel.

9. Write my next Storyworthy book.

I need to meet with my agent and editor to determine the subject of this next book.

10. Write, edit, and revise my golf memoir.

No progress.

11. Write my “Advice for Kids” book.

I made solid progress on this book in January.

12. Write/complete at least three new picture books, including one with a female, non-white protagonist.

Charlie and I have outlined at least two satirical picture books based on a book that Elysha read to her students in January. The books are irreverent, inappropriate, and fantastic.

13. Write about my childhood in partnership with my sister, Kelli, at least twice per month. 

Kelli and I are getting together in February and will discuss the shape of this project then.

14. Launch a Substack.

I have paused this goal, waiting to see what happens to Substack. A small but significant scandal has hit the company, and I don’t want to begin writing on a platform that may die. I will take a wait-and-see approach.

15. Write a new solo show.

All the work on this project is being done in my head since I have never written down anything I ever say onstage, so I don’t have much to show but I am working hard nonetheless.

16. Write a musical.

No progress.

17. Submit at least three Op-Ed pieces to The New York Times for consideration.

No progress.

18. Write at least four letters to my father.

No progress.

19. Write 150 letters.

I wrote five letters in January – all to former and current students.

20. Write to at least six authors about a book I love. 

I identified two authors to whom I will write.

STORYTELLING/SPEAKING CAREER

21. Perform a new solo show.

A theater has been tentatively secured for the debut of this show, either in August or November of 2024.

22. Complete the re-recording of Storyworthy For Business. 

No progress.

23. Record and produce at least two new Storyworthy courses.

No progress.

24. Produce a total of six Speak Up storytelling events in 2023

Three shows are scheduled for 2024 thus far. Details soon!

25. Submit pitches to at least three upcoming TEDx events, hoping to be accepted by one.

No progress.

I will be speaking at TEDxBU on April 20.

26. Attend at least eight Moth events with the intention of telling a story.

Two attempts to attend Moth StorySLAMs in January were stymied by snow.

27. Win at least one Moth StorySLAM.

No progress.

28. Win a Moth GrandSLAM.

I have Moth GrandSLAMs scheduled for Boston and New York in February and Seattle in October.

29. Pitch “You’re a Monster, Matthew Dicks” to at least a dozen theaters and/or directors in 2023. 

I pitched “You’re a Monster, Matthew Dicks” to one theater in January. I will be performing the show on March 30 at the Mopco Improv Theater in Schenectady, New York.

30. Produce at least 24 episodes of our podcast Speak Up Storytelling.

No progress.

31. Perform stand-up at least six times. 

No progress.

32. Pitch three stories to This American Life.

One story was pitched in January.

33. Submit at least three pitches to Marc Maron’s WTF podcast.

No progress.

34. Send a newsletter to readers at least 50 times. 

Three newsletters were sent in January.

HOME

35. Organize the basement.

We are collecting estimates for finishing the entire basement, which would necessitate a complete reorganization.

36. Clear the garage of unwanted items.

No progress.

FAMILY/FRIENDS

37. Text or call my brother or sister once per month. 

Texted my brother and sister multiple times in January.

38. Take at least one photo of my children every day.

Done. When I wasn’t with my children, others took photos of them for me.

39. Take at least one photo with Elysha and me each week.

Only one photo of Elysha and me was taken in January.

40. Plan a reunion of the Heavy Metal Playhouse.

No progress.

41. I will not comment positively or negatively about the physical appearance of any person save my wife and children to reduce the focus on physical appearance in our culture overall.

Done.

42. Surprise Elysha at least 12 times.

I surprised Elysha (and the family) once in January by telling them that we’d be going to see “Little Shop of Horrors” on Broadway in March.

I waited for an evening when everyone needed some good news.

43. Play poker at least six times.

No progress.

44. Spend at least six days with my best friend of more than 30 years.

No progress.

MUSIC

45. Memorize the lyrics to at least five favorite songs. 

No progress.

46. Practice the flute at least four times per week.

I’ve practiced six times in January. It turns out that I can’t do this entirely on my own so I am looking into an online program or an actual instructor.

MISCELLANEOUS PROJECTS

47. Read at least 12 books.

I read two books in January:

“Upstream” by Chip Heath
”Happy Pepple Are Annoying” by Josh Peck

I’m currently reading:

”Smart Brevity” by Jim VandeHei, Mike Allen, and Roy Schwartz
”Comedy Comedy Comedy Drama” by Bob Odenkirk
“The Power Broker” by Robert Caro
“The Power of Regret” by Daniel Pink

48. Finish reading TIME’s 100 Best Children’s Books of All Time. 

No progress.

49. Unify my passwords using a password manager.

Great progress was made on this goal. I am still finding passwords in need of unification, but most are now securely protected by a program called One Password.

50. Learn to use QuickBooks for my business.

Almost done! I spent an afternoon learning about the software and migrating my data from my previous platform. I will send my first invoice and begin paying employees via QuickBooks in February.

It wasn’t nearly as difficult as I had thought.

51. Rectify the heating problem in my studio.

I received estimates on this project, which is on hold as we debate finishing the entire basement as a part of the process.

52. Learn the names of every employee who works at my school.

I learned the name of one new person in January. The real problem is this:

If I’ve said hello to you every day for four months, how do I then ask you for your name?

Tricky business.

53. Assemble a complete toolbox.

Progress! I ordered almost all of the necessary tools and a box in which to organize them. I need to gather the stray tools around the house, consolidate everything into one place, and rid myself of redundant tools.

54. Edit our wedding footage into a movie of the day.

No progress.

55. Memorize three new poems.

I have nearly memorized “The Road Not Taken” by Robert Frost, which is longer than you think.

Longer than I thought!

I can also perform the poem in ASL.

56. Complete my Eagle Scout project.

No progress.

57. Post my progress regarding these resolutions on this blog and social media on the first day of every month.

Done.

I deserve better

One of my students said that I’m “a wretched man with lifeless eyes.”

Later that day, I told Clara what my student said.

Her response: “Only sometimes.”

Children are terrible.

Three best parenting decisions

Last week, I posted my lessons learned after 15 years of parenting.

Today, I’ll add this (upon request from the parent of a newborn and a pregnant mother):

The Three Most Important Parenting Decisions Elysha and I Have Ever Made

Decision #1: We found a way to allow Elysha to remain home for Clara’s first ten years and Charlie’s first seven years.

I know that keeping one parent home for a decade would be impossible for many, so Elysha and I know how fortunate we were. But we also spent a decade in our home with a smattering of hand-me-down furniture, hand-me-down appliances, and an ancient television. We purchased almost no new clothing for ourselves, went on no vacations, and occasionally ran out of money.

Sacrifices were made. They were all well worth it.

Decision #2: We still haven’t given our children phones and have kept them off all social media.

At the ages of 15 and 11, neither child owns a phone. Neither has access to social media nor have they ever looked at Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, or any other social media. They may be some of the only children in their respective schools not carrying a phone or watching videos on TikTok, but they are far better off for it.

Keep those phones out of your children’s hands as long as humanly possible. They are distracting, addicting, attention-destroying devices, and almost everything on them, from social media to mindless games to unfettered access to the internet, is a disaster.

Decision #3: We consume almost all our media as a family.

Almost every movie and television show our children have ever watched has been watched with at least one other family member and, most of the time, with the entire family. When we sit down in front of the television, it’s almost always as a family, making movies and television a communal experience.

We do not retreat to our separate corners of the home to watch whatever we want. Our children do not consume content that we haven’t already approved. Our house has only one television. We invest in as much live entertainment as possible.

We make our viewing decisions as a family so that we can watch, debate, and discuss what we watch after the fact, thus making it a true family experience.

I can’t recommend it enough.

Scouting in 2024

Charlie is away this weekend, camping with the Scouts.

He’s actually sleeping in a cabin, so I don’t really think of it as camping. In my hundreds of nights spent camping outdoors as a Boy Scout, I never once slept in a cabin. Never enjoyed heat, indoor plumbing, or electricity of any kind.

Tents, lean-tos, and structures built by lashing logs were our primary quarters, though we often slept under the stars.

Still, they call it camping, so fine. He’s camping.

As if to accentuate the differences between the Scouting of yesteryear and today’s Scouting adventures, Charlie sent us a message that read:

“We’re having a competition against the other patrols for the best food and presentation. We made bruschetta, grilled cheese, tomato soup, lemon cake, iced tea, and sparkling cider.”

The photos include a table decorated with candlesticks, a beautifully designed menu, and what I can only assume are fake rose petals.

I nearly fell over.

What a difference a couple of decades can make. I didn’t know what bruschetta was as a boy (and am not entirely sure I know what it is today), and lemon cake and sparkling cider were never on my Scouting menu.

I certainly did a lot of cooking as a Scout in my day, but the cooking was done entirely for sustenance, and presentation never entered our minds. In fact, the simpler the meal, the better. More than once, I tried cooking Celeste “Pizza for One” by fashioning a crude pizza oven from a large crock pot, an overturned mess kit bowl, and a hook.

The first time my Scoutmaster, Mr. Pollock, witnessed my attempt to make pizza in the woods, he responded as he often did:

“Jesus Christ…”

Had I included a menu and rose petals, I think he might’ve punched me in the face.

No shade on Charlie and his troop’s culinary adventures, of course. Evolution is fine. Change is good. Progress is preferred. Happy to see my son is learning new skills.

Just not exactly what I had envisioned when he left on Friday night.

St. Paul’s All Women City Council

Have you heard the news out of St. Paul, Minnesota?

For the first time in the capital city’s history, the people of St. Paul have elected an all-female City Council.

In fact, St. Paul is believed to be among the largest cities in the country to have an all-female city council.

But the firsts do not stop there.

All seven council members are under 40, and six are women of color, making it the city’s youngest and most racially diverse council in history.

Perhaps any city’s history.

The new council includes former teachers, nonprofit executives, community organizers, a civil engineer, and congressional aides.

I don’t know anything about any of these women. Still, despite my ignorance about their backgrounds or their positions on issues, I would happily invite them to lead my city tomorrow.

It may sound crazy to arbitrarily accept a group of leaders for my community based simply on their gender, racial diversity, and the preferences of another city more than 1,300 miles away, but I don’t think so. Considerable data shows that companies run by female leaders are more profitable in the long run.

I suspect the same will be true in politics, too.

In fact, I’ve often said that if I could eject every single member of Congress from their seat and replace them with a randomly selected American woman, things would likely run a hell of a lot better in DC.

Just 28 percent of the seats in Congress are currently occupied by women. Make it 100 percent, and I’m convinced our country would be in a better place. For every idiotic Marjorie Taylor Green and Elise Sephanick who might land in a seat, there would be a dozen or more rational, intelligent women ready to do the right thing for the present and future of our country.

Yes, there are many outstanding men in Congress today, but a large percentage of the intractable monsters fouling up the works in the House and Senate are men.

Almost all of the problems we have today result from decisions made by men.

There are 535 members of Congress.

It wasn’t until 1981 that the total number of women in Congress exceeded 20.

It wasn’t until 2013 that the total number reached 100.

Today, that number stands at 153 out of 535 current members.

Congress currently enjoys an approval rating of 15%, which is one of the lowest in the history of our country. This current session of Congress has been the least productive session in decades. The Democrats and Republicans have reached bipartisan agreement on long-term spending and an immigration bill, yet neither has passed because of factions in the Republican Party who would prefer that nothing be done to harm President Biden and improve their chances of winning the White House in November.

Two issues most important to Americans, for which majorities in both parties have reached a bipartisan agreement, may be tabled because of the desire for power and the fear of its loss.

Perhaps a Congress comprised entirely of random American women would do the same, but given the track record of this male-dominated institution, I’d be willing to give it a try.

Eject every member of Congress – even the many I adore – and replace them with a group of women like the ones currently running the city of St. Paul, Minnesota.

Maybe those women would prove to be as craven, self serving, cowardly, and deceitful as the members of Congress today, but given Congress’s approval rating and inability to get anything done, do we really y think they could do worse?