Matthew Dicks's Blog, page 586

Football in every direction

While sitting in the seats of Gillette Stadium yesterday, watching the Patriots defeat the Chargers, I had the following options viewing available to me:

1. Watch the game on the field

2.  Watch the game on either of the two enormous monitors located in each end zone

3.  Watch the actual telecast of the game from an enormous monitor positioned outside the stadium but well within view from my upper deck seats

4.  Watch any current NFL game, including the Patriots-Chargers game, on my phone via the NFL.com's mobile app

5.  Watch the game being televised on the side of the blimp hovering just above the stadium

It really has become a world consumed by screens and choice..  

This is the best they could do?

Professional Building?

Seriously?

They couldn't name the building after someone slightly deserving? 

Just for the hell of it?

A former President perhaps?  A war hero?  An Eagle Scout?  A suffragette? 

The owner's dog?

Wouldn't the Fido T. Bone Professional Building still sound better than nothing at all? 

Hopefully theres more to his marketing strategy than this

Does Reno really think he's going to generate business with this advertising strategy?

Is he wondering why the business card he tacked into the corkboard above the urinal at the local watering hole isn't producing greater results?

Gay fraternal lovers?

The photographer at last night's wedding asked my DJ partner if he and I were brothers.

We get this a lot.  My partner is just a lesser version of me. 

Ten minutes later, she asked him if we were a couple. 

We have never gotten this question before.

How does someone go from guessing brothers to guessing a couple? 

That's quite a jump. Don't you think?

She skipped right over friends, coworkers, business partners and everything else between and went directly to gay lovers.

Maybe it's because I've lost weight.

Chew-chew-chew

There are tree-chewing beavers on my daughter's favorite television show, Peep and the Big Wide World.

Apparently they have made a big impression on her.

A list of my flaws and shortcomings

A reader recently accused me of being materialistic after I wrote about my lack of a favorite number, specifically criticizing me for saying that when it comes to salary, my favorite number is the largest number possible.

He wrote:

Again, outrageous. You say that your against materialistic and you mentioned in a recent Jersey Shore post that you think of these cast members as "materialistic, egomaniacal douchebags" Yet, in this post, you suggest that your favorite number for a salary would be the biggest one available.. What I think is you talk #%$&@ about materialistic and wealthy folks but in reality, you are simply jealous! And egotistical, look at all these posts on here. They all are your own opinion and don't take into consideration any other sides or thoughts. I think you have the biggest egos out there!

I pointed out to the reader that the desire to pay off student loans, the mortgage, and other debts while simultaneously saving for my child's future education and any other family emergency hardly amounts to materialism.

I pointed out to this reader that I drive a Subaru that is twelve years old. I do not own a piece of clothing with a name brand except for sneakers. I wear no jewelry other than my $70 wedding band. I played golf for the first three years with used clubs. We shop at consignment shops and accept hand-me-downs all the time. Most of the furniture in our home was given to us by friends.

Hardly signs of materialism. 

Coincidentally, a friend who has known me for fourteen years recently said that other than her own son, she has never met someone who cared less about money and the accumulation of things than me.

I have many flaws, but materialism is not one of them.  

In order to illustrate the point, I offered to share my flaws with this reader in a future post, and that time has come.    

As promised, the following is a list of my shortcomings.  It was generated primarily by my best friend of 25 years, my wife and me, though a few other friends contributed ideas as well. 

All items on the list were suggested by at least one person and agreed upon by another.

Three items were suggested and then rejected based upon the feedback of my panel.

Feel free to suggest other flaws and shortcomings for this list.  I'm sure we missed a few.     

Matthew Dicks's List of Shortcomings and Flaws

I cannot be agreeable even when the outcome means nothing to me but means a great deal to someone else. I have a limited palate (though I would like to stress that this is not by choice). I lack tact, particularly in circumstances in which tact is especially important. I am a below average golfer. It is difficult for me to sympathize with situations that I do not understand, do not think are worthy of sympathy and reflect situations that I would have avoided.    Along similar lines, I cannot put myself in other people's shoes.  Instead of attempting to envision a person's life experience, I operate as myself within the other person's shoe, pointing out why they acted foolishly and what I would have done instead. When it comes to argument and debate, I lack restraint. I will use everything in my arsenal in order to win, even if this means hurting the other person's feelings in the process.  I do many things for the sake of spite. I have an unreasonable fear of needles. I become angry and petulant when told what to wear.

Grocery stores and courthouses: Excellent places for first dates

Someone on Twitter recently asked for first date ideas, and it got me thinking about some of the first date staples from my youth.

Two in particular.

When I was in my teens and early twenties, I would often take first dates to the Stop & Shop grocery store in town.  We would walk the aisles, filling our cart with food items that could be eaten in the parking lot, and as we shopped, I would do my best to make the girl laugh. 

I'd tell stories related to specific food items, write inappropriate words on the glass doors in the frozen food section, place ludicrous deli orders and watch the employees attempt to fill them and push my date around in the cart if she was willing to climb in.  

My goal of every first date was simple:

Place the girl in an unusual situation that required us to talk and work together, and while she was busy dealing with my shenanigans, I would try to make her laugh.

My first and only rule of dating is to make the girl laugh.  Once she thinks you're funny, nothing else matters.

Once the shopping was complete, we'd picnic in the parking lot or a more picturesque location like a park or the beach, though I always preferred the parking lot. 

Again, an unusual location is always best. Picnic in the park and the girl is automatically comparing you to the last guy she picnicked with in a park.

Picnic in a parking lot and there is no basis of comparison.

Pop tarts, grapes, ice cream, Ritz crackers, spoonfuls of cake frosting and soda were picnicking staples in those days.    

I know it sounds a little absurd, but it was almost always a successful first date

If the girl was free during the weekday, I might take her to the local courthouse, where we would sit in the gallery and watch the daily proceedings.  I'd sneak in bags of Skittles and trail mix, and we would watch the court's various machinations for a couple hours before retiring for a meal at the local diner. 

It was free, unique, and oftentimes as entertaining as a movie, except there were plenty of opportunities to chat in between the action.

Plenty of opportunities to make the girl laugh.

I'm not sure if I would recommend these ideas to people today, but back in the day, they worked shockingly well. 

What is your most unusual first date idea?

Dodging sleep at an early age

From an article in the Times on napping in children:

Dr. Jenni was one of the authors of a large study, published in 2003 in the journal Pediatrics, which measured sleep duration across childhood. He and his colleagues documented the decrease in daytime napping and the consolidation of nighttime sleep as a group of Swiss children grew up. They also found that individual children's sleep needs and sleep patterns tended to be consistent through age 10. In other words, children who slept less than their peers as infants grew into older children who seemed to need less sleep.

This may explain a lot. 

It is well known amongst my friends and family that I do not require much sleep.  I normally sleep for about five hours every night, but I can easily sleep less than that for a day or two without any noticeable repercussions.

My mother said that as a child, it seemed as if I never slept.  I slept fitfully as an infant, abandoned naps at an early age, and became so difficult in terms of keeping me in bed at night that in lieu of a bedtime, I was simply sent upstairs with the expectation that I could do whatever I wanted as long as I did not come downstairs again.

By the age of 5, I was deciding upon my own bedtime. 

I remember sleeping over a friend's house for the first time in second grade and being put to bed by his mother at bedtime.  After she shut out the lights and closed the bedroom door, I rolled over in my sleeping bag and asked, "Are we being punished for something?"

The thought of being required to go to sleep was ludicrous to me.  

So perhaps there is something to the finding that children who sleep less than their peers as infants grow into older children who seem to need less sleep.

Perhaps this pattern thankfully extends into adulthood as well.

If I had to sleep 8 hours a night, I don't know how I'd ever get anything done.

Dinner will never be so fun again!

One of my friends is yearning for the day when her son will sit still in a restaurant and finally eat like a regular human being. 

It will happen sooner than she thinks, I assured her. 

Just like someday my daughter will just sit in a chair and eat her meal without getting up, squirming around, twisting like a pretzel, switching seats or leaning across my body. 

And while that certainly sounds appealing, there is a definite joy in having her  wriggling about, and I am in no rush to see it end.

  

Dinner will never be so fun!

One of my friends is yearning for the day when her son will sit still in a restaurant and finally eat like a regular human being. 

It will happen sooner than she thinks, I assured her. 

Just like someday my daughter will just sit in a chair and eat her meal without getting up, squirming around, twisting like a pretzel, switching seats or leaning across my body. 

And while that certainly sounds appealing, there is a definite joy in having her  wriggling about, and I am in no rush to see it end.