Matthew Dicks's Blog, page 567

Complex naming formula

My daughter has dramatically enhanced the way in which she names her baby dolls.

Prior to today, every one of her dolls has been named after one of her classmates. 

Baby Katie

Baby Lily

Baby Clara (yes, she named a baby after herself)

She has even named our unborn child after one of her classmates: 

Baby Leila (she refuses to acknowledge that it could be a boy). 

She received a new baby doll for Hanukah.  After much prodding, she finally decided upon the baby's name.

"It's Baby Katie's sister!" she said. 

"Oh," I said.  "Baby Katie has a sister? What's her name?"

"Her name is Baby Katie's sister!  That's her name!"

So now we have a doll in the house named Baby Katie's Sister.

As an author, I find it difficult to name my characters, too, but this is ridiculous. 

A perfect Christmas message

Not being schmaltzy, I promise, but this really is the perfect way to start off a Christmas morning.  

I cannot recommend it more highly.

First piece

My wife and I hope to be able to build our own home someday. 

If we're ever able to do so, I'd like my home to include this:

I am apparently not nice to people

My wife is the Matron of Honor in a wedding on New Year's Eve.  The bride called my wife this week to ask if I could help out on the day of the wedding. 

"Yes," Elysha said, "but you have to play to Matt's strengths.  Don't ask him to do something he can't do."

"Like what?" the bride asked. 

My wife's response? 

"He's not very good at being nice to people."

That's right.  Her husband, the father of her daughter and future child, who is also a teacher of young minds, a wedding DJ, a minister, a life coach and an author, is not very good at being nice to people.

Somehow I've managed to assemble a wonderful and diverse group of friends even though I am not very good at being nice to people.

Perhaps what my wife meant to say was that I am not terribly effective at making small talk with people I don't know in more formal social situations.

But I don't think so.  I think she meant to say that I'm just not very nice.  

Ultimately the bride explained that they needed someone to clear the guests from the lobby area just prior to the ceremony so that she could pass through without being seen.

"Oh," Elysha said.  "You need someone to clear a lobby full of people. Matt is your man."

While this is technically true, I'm not sure if I liked the sound of this, either.

The whole conversation left me wondering what the hell my wife actually thinks of me, but I find myself suddenly afraid to ask. 

Future storyteller?

Maybe my daughter will turn out to be a writer after all. 

Check out this moment of play with her little people.  There's storytelling and dialogue and plot coming from that two-year old. 

Even a bit of editing as well!  Listen to how she switches the incorrect use of the word is to to the correctly plural are.  I've had students who can make that switch!

My little genius.  Now if only she'd show even a modicum of interest in learning to use the potty, though not having to step away from the computer has its advantages as well…

Mark Twain got it right. Scott Bennett got it wrong.

No surprise that Mark Twain managed to turn a simple notice about a stolen umbrella into an amusing reward for the capture and execution of a small boy. 

Also no surprise that Scott Bennett's newspaper farce did not go quite as well. 

The Pennsylvania man wrote an obituary for his mother (who was still alive) and got it published in the local paper in order to get paid time off for bereavement.

Unfortunately (for Bennett), relatives called the newspaper after the obit was published to say that Bennett's mother was actually alive and well.

Unconvinced, Bennett's mother paid a visit to the newspaper to confirm her liveliness.

Bennett was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct and fired from his job, of course.

Somehow I feel like Mark Twain could've pulled off Bennett's ruse much more effectively.  And more amusingly. 

Scott Bennett was simply out of his league.

Justin Bieber and a pile of books!

The wrapping paper was fabulous enough. 

Gaudy and fabulous.   

But the books made my daughter absolutely giddy. There's this beautiful moment when she can barely contain her excitement.

I've watched it half a dozen times already. 

I really have the best bookish friends in the world.

 

Best Twitter feed ever?

Am I late to the party of this particular piece of genius?

Twitter feed: @OldManSearch

The Twitter bio reads:

My dad is 81 years old. I'm teaching him how to use the Internet. I told him Twitter was how to search things on Google. These tweets are what he's searching.

Brilliant.  Right?

How's this for an idea?  Musicians, authors, actors, athletes and other celebrities license access to their Google searches. 

Pay a monthly fee to be able to see what people like Salman Rushdie, Adele, Bruce Springsteen, LeBron James, Jon Stewart and Margaret Atwood are searching on these days.

I'd pay to see that. 

My daughter may be choosing her career path

Maybe she'll be a lyricist on Broadway, since she speaks almost entirely in singsong at times.

Or perhaps a builder. Of castles.

Or maybe she's planning on becoming a militaristic dance instructor. 

The Emperor might have been better off with Han Solo and Luke Skywalker foiling his plans

Star Wars fans, I have a question:

What exactly was the Emperor's endgame?

Let's say that he managed to crush the rebel alliance and turn Luke to the dark side.

Then what? 

So he rules the galaxy?  Was his ultimate goal to be the boss of everyone?

It seems a little anticlimactic to me.

Did he really want to be the one to determine marginal tax rates, the legal drinking age and sentencing guidelines for white collar criminals?

Because once the rebels are gone, aren't these the only kinds of decision left to make?

Or did the Emperor have a grander vision?  Perhaps a Tea Party or Occupy Wall Street view in terms of the direction that the galaxy's economy should be headed?

Even then, should this really be the concern of a Sith Lord?

It seems to me that the worst thing for the Emperor would have been the complete elimination of the rebel alliance. 

Eliminate the opposition and what are you left with?

Determining the import tariffs on bantha meat?  Assigning patents on droid technology?  Christening Death Stars?   

There's something to be said for having enemies.