Matthew Dicks's Blog, page 560

Why Your Life Sucks in Three Simple Pictures

Jessica Hagy in Forbes wrote a piece entitled  How To Be More Interesting (In 10 Easy Steps).  It's an insightful and amusing piece, but had I been her editor, I would have paired her ten steps (I never trust a list consisting of ten items) down to three and retitled the piece:

Why You're Life Sucks in Three Simple Pictures.

I thought these three pictures probably capture about seventy-five percent of the reasons for human unhappiness. 

 

Why Youre Life Sucks in Three Simple Pictures

Jessica Hagy in Forbes wrote a piece entitled  How To Be More Interesting (In 10 Easy Steps).  It's an insightful and amusing piece, but had I been her editor, I would have paired her ten steps (I never trust a list consisting of ten items) down to three and retitled the piece:

Why You're Life Sucks in Three Simple Pictures.

I thought these three pictures probably capture about seventy-five percent of the reasons for human unhappiness. 

 

Why my daughter is free to watch Scooby Doo whenever she damn well pleases

Sometimes you run into sheer brilliance in the most unexpected places.  On the Comics Alliance blog, Chris Sims writes about Scooby Doo and secular humanism in a piece that I consider a masterpiece.

I know. It sounds crazy. Like baked beans and iron filings. It's difficult to imagine the two working together.

But Sims pulls it off pulls it off in a big way. 

I love it as a parent. I love it as a teacher. I love it as a writer. 

It's ingenious. 

There are so many outstanding paragraphs that I could have quoted here, but the one that I think serves as the heart of the piece is the following.  Read it, and if you are as impressed as I am, go to the blog and read the full piece. 

Because that's the thing about Scooby-Doo: The bad guys in every episode aren't monsters, they're liars.

I can't imagine how scandalized those critics who were relieved to have something that was mild enough to not excite their kids would've been if they'd stopped for a second and realized what was actually going on. The very first rule of Scooby-Doo, the single premise that sits at the heart of their adventures, is that the world is full of grown-ups who lie to kids, and that it's up to those kids to figure out what those lies are and call them on it, even if there are other adults who believe those lies with every fiber of their being. And the way that you win isn't through supernatural powers, or even through fighting. The way that you win is by doing the most dangerous thing that any person being lied to by someone in power can do: You think.

Gratitude journal: The family dinner

Tonight I am grateful for the family dinner. 

This evening, Clara asked that we read to her during dinner, but Elysha suggested that we talk instead.  Clara wasn't too keen on the idea at first, but a little redirection had her devouring apple slices and cheese as Elysha and I discussed the day.

'Then Clara decided to speak.  "Layla took my seat today, Daddy" she said.

Elysha was already aware of the incident, which occurred just prior to leaving school.  She explained that while Clara was getting ready to leave, one of her friends sat down in the chair that she was previously occupying. 

In the world of two-year old children, this is apparently a big deal. 

"What did you do when Layla took your seat?" I asked.

"I told Mommy," Clara said. 

Elysha and I reinforced this decision as a good one.  We then role played some things that Clara could have said to Layla in order to solve the problem herself,

"Maybe I can call Ari tonight on the computer and tell him all about it," Clara suggested. 

Ari is her younger cousin.

"Sure," I said.  "If that will make you feel better, that's a great idea"

Then Clara suggested that we call Layla's mommy, too. 

We tried to explain that this was unnecessary, and after she persisted with the idea, we successfully redirected her back to the idea of calling Ari.

The whole conversation fascinated me.  My little girl, who will turn three next week, decided to discuss a problem that occurred at school with her parents while sitting at the dinner table.  She explained the problem, described her solution, and offered alternative ways of making herself feel better about the problem.

She also acted a little bit like a helicopter mom in suggesting that we call Layla's mother, but that's okay.  She'll learn. 

Had we read the book as she requested or not sat down for dinner together, this conversation would have never happened, and the problem solving, role playing and reinforcing that took place would have never happened.

Even worse, the immense pride I felt in listening to my daughter describe her day would have been lost forever.

I'm feeling very grateful for the family dinner tonight and am looking forward to the next one. 

Todd Glasss call for support of the LGBT community

Todd Glass is a well known and very successful comedian who came out publicly as gay on Marc Maron's popular podcast this week. 

if you're not easily offended by the use of profanity, I strongly recommend that you listen.  It was remarkable.  Glass was heroic, vulnerable, articulate, funny and fragile all at the same time.  His decision to go public with this news was in large part because of the recent string of suicides among LGBT youth, and he has an insight into these matters that is worth hearing regardless of your stance on gay rights.

He has a story that everyone should hear. 

Though Glass had much to say in terms of the way that LGBT people are treated in this country and what a straight person can do to be supportive, his final message was one that I thought was worth sharing:

If you believe that the LGBT community should possess the same rights as every American and should not be discriminated against because of their sexual preference, you need not march, protest, write letters to Congressmen, or sign petitions in order to be supportive and helpful.  Simply begin living a life that is reflective of your beliefs. 

If your church, political party, or community organization discriminates based upon sexual preference or teaches a message of divisiveness and hatred, you must revoke your membership from that organization immediately.  There are plenty of other churches, political organizations and community groups from which to choose that do not support the discrimination of the gay community.

You cannot continue to go through life as the member of a church, for example, that discriminates against the gay community by not supporting their right to marry and adopt children and explain your continued support of that organization by simply saying that you believe in most of the good work that the church is doing but do not agree with that particular organizational belief. 

Discrimination and hatred of this kind are too important to explain away or ignore.  It is ridiculous and wrong to believe that you can remain innocent in your silent complicity of organizational discrimination and hatred. 

Find a new church.  Find a new political party.  Join a different community organization.  Live the life that matches your beliefs and the life that you know is right. 

If churches, political parties and community groups found themselves losing members based upon their discriminatory positions and practices, things would change quickly, regardless of how ancient or codified their doctrine may be.

That was Todd Glass's message, and I thought it was worth sharing.

Now go listen to the podcast.

Hilarious because its a farce and its also so true

Toddler definitions are the best

Clara placed some of her little people on a pillow and referred to it as an iceberg.

Surprised that she might know what an iceberg is, I asked, "Clara, what's an iceberg?"   

Her response:

"It's kind of beautiful, but you need a boat to go there, and you should wear a coat."

Gratitude journal: Orthotics

Tonight I am grateful for orthotics, the seemingly innocuous insoles that were inserted into my sneakers by a podiatrist.

They changed my life.

Within a day of donning them, the foot pain, back pain and hip pain that I tried to ignore for almost two years disappeared completely. 

It's been gone ever since.

I was speaking to a guy at the gym today who suffers from foot pain.  He's been dealing with it for ten years, and he had no idea that orthotics could help.

He made an appointment with his doctor before stepping away from the sink.  

How dreadful in this age of near-limitless access to information that someone might deal with foot pain for a decade without knowing that there might be a solution.

Feeling very, very grateful for these simple slivers of silicon gel tonight.

Four tiny bites of carrot ruined my night.

I'm annoyed with my daughter tonight.  Had she eaten four tiny pieces of carrot, she could ended dinner with a delicious black and white cookie, straight from William Greenberg Desserts on Madison Avenue, makers of the best black and white cookies on the planet. 

But no.  She refused, rather vehemently I may add, and therefore she gets no dessert.

It wasn't the whining or the crying or the overly aggressive shoving aside of the plate or even the lack of vegetables in her diet that bothered me.

It was the inability to see the pure joy that she experiences while eating a cookie.  I love a black and white cookie, too, but I love watching my daughter eat one even more.

The smiles. The laughs. The chocolaty fingers. The extreme focus on the cookie itself. The repeated declarations of love for the cookie. 

Bearing witness to this display of sheer happiness is better than any dessert that I could consume myself (except maybe ice cream cake).  Yet I was denied that pleasure tonight because she refused to eat four stupid little carrots. 

As soon as she is in bed, I'm going to go downstairs and eat a black and white cookie. 

And it's going to taste even better than usual because it's going to be served with a heaping side dish of spite.

An end to the funeral processional, at least for me

Far be it for me to attempt to eliminate something as solemn and traditional as the funeral procession from the burial traditions of the deceased.

I mean, if someone requested that I rid the world of the funeral procession or if I had the power to do so myself, I would. 

But I don't. 

Besides, doing so would be somewhat presumptuous of me.  Right? 

But just for the record, if I were to die, which would never happen because I plan on living forever, I do not want my remains transported via a funeral processional. 

We all have some kind of a GPS unit in our cars now, and those little flags that you hook onto the car windows look stupid, and there's no reason to slow down the living just because I'm dead, which again would never happen.

Just plug in the address of the cemetery into your GPS unit and meet me there, which is not necessary since I am planning on immortality. 

Besides, I have requested that my ashes be spread in a beautiful but somewhat annoyingly difficult place to reach, so no cemetery ride required at all.  But if my wife plans some kind of ceremony at this location or you'd like to sprinkle a bit of me as well, then simply input the address of the location into a GPS or print directions from MapQuest.

No need for a funeral procession, both because they are stupid and because I will never die.     

Okay?

They are morbid relics of a time long since gone, and they accomplish little save getting in the way of the living.