Matthew Dicks's Blog, page 509

Smiles for rainy day

Is it raining where you are?

If so, I have the perfect cure for the rainy day blues.

This is the single greatest technological achievement in all of human history.

The march of technology, from the first sparks of fire to the microprocessors of today, have led us to this moment of technological achievement. We have put human beings on the Moon, replaced vital organs by artificial means and gathered all of human history on a network that anyone in the world can access at any moment. 

But I am convinced that the single greatest technological achievement of humankind is the ability of my wife to create and send me this:

Sending men to the moon was great, but this is better.

Eliminate your commute

Earlier this week I was interviewed about my rather meandering lifelong career path and asked what advice I might give in terms of building a successful career.

I had a lot to say on this subject, and perhaps I will share more in the future, but one of the best pieces of advice I can give to anyone in terms of their career is this:

Eliminate your commute.

The closer you live to your place of work, the happier you will be. With our hours and minutes so limited by the interminable rotation of the Earth, far too much time is wasted by commuters traveling to and from work every day.

My commutes have ranged from 90 minutes to 5 minutes, and I assure you that the 5 minute commute, which I have enjoyed for the past 15 years, is the only way to go.

If your commute is more than 15 minutes long, you need to move.

Move now.

Recapture that lost time with your family and friends. The most valuable thing in this world is time. It is the only commodity in constant demand by every person on the planet regardless of their income level.  Do not spend a minute more than necessary driving to and from work.

And please don’t tell me that you enjoy your 45 minute commute because it gives you time to decompress or provides you with the alone time that you cannot find anywhere else.

This is what I call a ridiculous rationalization.

If you truly require the time to decompress, drive home, park the car in the driveway, and take a 30 minute walk around the block before ever entering the house. Not only will you have the time you need to relax, but you will get some exercise at the same time.  

If I could only give one piece of career advice, it might be to eliminate your commute at all costs. There is no better way to be happy in your career than to increase the amount of free time you have to spend outside of your career.

Spite is right

I’ve often said that spite is the best reason to do anything. Here is further evidence of this fact:

British scientist John Gurdon is told by his high school teacher that there was no hope of him ever studying science, and that doing so would be a complete waste of time for him and anyone forced to teach him.

Gurdon was awarded the Nobel Prize in Physiology this year for his discovery that mature cells can be reprogrammed to become immature cells, capable of developing into all tissues of the body. Their findings have revolutionized our understanding of how cells and organisms develop.

Though it is highly unlikely given Gurdon’s age, I hope that his high school teacher lived long enough to eat his words.

Sibling adoration

I know it doesn’t appear to be the case, but he really does love his sister.

A perfect delineation of the differences between the parties

This story provides a perfect delineation between Democrats and certain elements of the Republican Party.

One one side we have Maine’s Democratic State Senate candidate, Colleen Lachowicz, a social worker who has been working with mentally ill patients for the past 25 years. She is also licensed foster parent and mother who happens to play World of Warcraft in her free time.

On the other side we have Maine’s Republican party, which has condemned Lachowicz for playing the online videogame. According to Republican press releases, her “disturbing alter-ego” and “time-consuming double life” make her unfit to hold public office.

I would like to write a paragraph or two explaining the stupidity of Maine’s Republican Party, but I think Lachowicz did a fine job of it in her response to the Republican press releases. She said:

“I think it’s weird that I’m being targeted for playing online games. Apparently I’m in good company since there are 183 million other Americans who also enjoy online games. What’s next? Will I be ostracized for playing Angry Birds or Words with Friends? If so, guilty as charged.

What’s really weird is that the Republicans are going after my hobbies instead of talking about their record while they’ve been running Augusta for the last two years. Instead of talking about what they’re doing for Maine people, they’re making fun of me for playing video games. Did you know that more people over the age of 50 play video games than under the age of 18? As a gamer, I’m in good company with folks like Jodie Foster, Vin Diesel, Mike Myers, and Robin Williams. Maybe it’s the Republican Party that is out of touch.”

I’m not sure if Colleen Lachowicz is a qualified candidate for Maine’s state senate, but I know that she deserves credit for a 25 years of service in social work and her willingness to serve as a foster parent to children in need.

At minimum, she has proven herself to be a dedicated public servant.

I also know that her decision to play World of Warcraft in her free time has absolutely no bearing on Lachowicz’s ability to represent the voters of her district and assist in governing the state of Maine.

Most important, I know that that anyone making a claim as stupid as this does not deserve the vote of any right minded Maine citizen.

It boggles the mind how stupid people can be in the midst of a political campaign with so much on the line.

The Simpson’s opening credits in real life

The Simpsons have played an enormous role in my life, beginning with the excitement of the very first episode and extending to the moment that I realized that I had found the girl of my dreams. 

I’ve watched the opening credits to the show hundreds of times, but this might be the best version of the opening credits that I’ve ever seen.

Best first sentence for a new story ever

More than a year after this story first ran, I have yet to find a better first sentence for a news story ever:

A gay man tried to poison his lesbian neighbours by putting slug pellets into their curry after he was accused of kidnapping their three-legged cat.

If I were braver, I’d try to write a novel based upon that sentence, but I fear that no one would find the story the least bit plausible.

The Reverse Nap

I’ve started a thing, and someday you’ll be able to say that you knew the guy who started the thing and remember when it started to become a thing.

The thing is The Reverse Nap.

Here’s how it works:

I go to sleep at my regularly appointed hour, usually somewhere between 11:30 PM and midnight.

Then I wake up at some point in the middle of the night, usually around 2:00 AM. Originally it was the dog who was waking me up, and occasionally the baby, but now I just wake up around this time whether I want to or not.

I climb out of bed. go downstairs and work for about 90 minutes. I write, revise, prepare lessons, correct student work, empty the dishwasher, pay bills, read. Whatever is most pressing. Whatever I didn’t get to the day before. And it turns out that 2:00 AM is the ideal time to accomplish goals. No one in the house is awake. There are no children pleading with me to play hide-and-go-seek. There are no emails hitting my inbox. Even Twitter is relatively quiet. It’s just me and whatever task I have chosen for a solid hour or more.

Then around 3:30 AM I return to bed and experience all the joys of climbing into a warm bed and falling asleep for a second time that night.

The Reverse Nap, my friends.

I’m telling you, it’s going to become a thing. A big thing.

Plans for the weekend? Why not join me, Jane Yolen and Stuart O’Nan for something I don’t entirely understand.

For anyone interested and in the area, I will be appearing at the Brattleboro Literary Festival this weekend along with an enormous assemblage of far more interesting and well known authors.

If you’re looking to do something this weekend, you really should consider attending the festival. Brattleboro is a beautiful town and the lineup of authors is extraordinary.

On Friday night, I will be competing in Literary Death Match at 8:00 at the Robert Gibson River Garden (where I gave my very first book talk five years ago). I have never participated in or attended a Literary Death Match, but the YouTube videos of these events make them appear fairly insane, so I’m quite sure what to expect. All I really know is that I will be reading about seven minutes of my own fiction and will be judged on my performance by a former Literary Death Match finalist and (brace yourselves) Jane Yolen and Stuart O’Nan. 

So no pressure.

If they approve of my performance, I move onto a final round, in which I honestly have no idea what might happen.

It should be interesting.  

Then I will be speaking again on Sunday about my books and my writing process at the same location at 11:00 AM.

On Saturday I will be squeezing in as many author talks as possible with my wife, my in-laws, some friends and anyone else who would like to join us. So if you plan on making the trip to Vermont (or already live there), let me know when you’ll be arriving in Brattleboro and perhaps we can get together for lunch or to take in an author’s talk together.