Matthew Dicks's Blog, page 501

Fast food at a glacial pace

This is both an engineering marvel and one of the most insane five minutes that you will ever see: 

The first supper

Our son, now five months old, has been staring at and reaching for our food for more than a month. Up until now, all of his nourishment has come via breast milk.

In the spirit of Thanksgiving, we served him his first meal tonight.

Rice cereal. 

When his sister tried her first meal, she spit it out in disgust, a precursor to her discerning palate.

Charlie’s first experience with real food was slightly different:

The most interesting question ever asked of me at a book talk and other notes from my recent appearance in Leverett, Massachusetts

As I was preparing to leave for my recent book talk at the library in Leverett, Massachusetts, , I asked my daughter for a kiss, explaining that I would be gone for the rest of the night. “I’m going to a library to talk to some people about my books. Okay?”

“Don’t go, Daddy!” she shouted. “I love you! Those people don’t love you!”

Three year olds are not supposed to be so effectively cruel at this age.

Clara was also appalled that I wasn’t going to her “most favorite library in the world.” As I left the room, she shouted, “That is not the right library, Daddy! It’s not right!”

Had the word traitor been in her vocabulary, I suspect that she would have used it. 

Notes from the evening include:

Leverett, Massachusetts is a town without streetlights. I can’t express to you how dark sections of that town are at night. I felt as if I was passing through Sleepy Hollow, and at any second, my headlights to fall upon the Headless Horseman. Even in the relative safety of my car, it was a little creepy.

I met another fan of the Books on the Nightstand podcast, which appears to be spreading like a benevolent virus throughout the book-loving world. It’s so interesting to meet someone who listens to the same podcasts as me. It means the same voices (in this case those of Ann Kingman and Michael Kindness) inhabit our heads at least once a week, making me feel an instant connection to this particular woman even though we had just met.

For the fourth time this year, I was asked if I perform standup comedy. I tried to explain to my overly generous audience that a standup comedian’s job is much more complicated and requires more courage than I could ever muster. A standup comedian tells jokes in a carefully constructed set, and he or she must perform in front of an audience that has paid money with the expectation that they will laugh. The stakes are high and hecklers abound. I simply tell stories, many of which happen to be amusing.

Still, it was a nice question to be asked, and I was grateful for my ability to make my audience laugh. The question was also deemed the most interesting or challenging question of the evening, earning the questioner a prize. Last night it was the Greek edition of MEMOIRS OF AN IMAGINARY FRIEND. 

My former McDonald’s employee and friend from twenty years ago, who now lives in California, was in attendance, much to my surprise. In fact, she sat in the back so I didn’t see her until the end of my talk. You never realize how much you have missed a person until you see that person face-to-face. Unfortunately, we were only able to spend a few minutes together before we had to part company once again.

Incidentally, the most interesting or challenging question of all time was asked a couple years ago. A woman asked, “What role do your ex-girlfriends play in your fiction.”

Surprised by the question, I asked the woman what made her ask it.

She said, “You look like the kind of guy who has had a lot of ex-girlfriends.”

Despite her suspect rationale and passive-aggressive attack on my character, I actually liked the question a lot. I view every question as an opportunity to tell a story, so after explaining to the woman that I could not think of any way that my ex-girlfriends played a role in my fiction, I was able to tell a couple of funny stories about ex-girlfriends, including the girl who slept with her eyes wide open.

I’d wake up in the morning, uncertain if she was gazing lovingly at me or still fast asleep.

Even creepier than the Headless Horseman,

Dumb Ways to Die

Australians rule. This would never happen in the United States. 

Be sure to Watch the video to the end to see the actual purpose of this song and video. You’ll never guess.

Mommy made the hat

But I take half credit for making the baby.

They left their bookstores behind.

A new study has found that at various times the British have invaded almost 90 percent of the countries around the globe.

The analysis of the histories of the almost 200 countries found only 22 which have never experienced an invasion by the British.

And the Brits seemed so civilized.

As an author, I’ve noticed that even though the British relinquished control over most of their empire, they seem to have left their bookstores behind. When I sold the publication rights for MEMOIRS OF AN IMAGNARY FRIEND to Little Brown UK and agreed to use a pen name for the book, I was under the impression that my pseudonym, Matthew Green, would reside only on the British Isles, where the books were to be published.

But since it’s publication in March of this year, I have heard from readers of the UK edition in Australia, South Africa, Dubai, Turkey, India, Morocco and a number of countries in Europe and especially the Far East.

So much for staying put on the British Isles.  

It’s been both surprising and thrilling to hear from these readers around the world. The idea that a story I made up in my head has spread to the corners of the globe is one I would have never imagined. The book is even being adapted for the stage in South Africa. But when I agreed to the pen name, I had no idea that Matthew Green would be landing in as many books shops in as many places around the world as he has.

Clever of the British to remove their troops and infrastructure from these nations but leave their bookshops behind.

Win the hearts and minds, and what better way than through a book?

A clear and honest accounting of the national debt in just three minutes

Next time two Presidential candidates debate, I want this guy to start the debate by establishing the facts. 

Not all grown up yet

Yes, she’s potty trained (relatively speaking), and yes, she knows that Saturn’s rings are made of ice and dust (I have no idea where she learned this fact), but she’s still not too big for the stroller.

Thank goodness.

 

The playbill!

Who’s  coming?

I am nothing compared to Gramps.

In preparing for Baby Abby’s early morning party, which I eventually found on the living room couch, my daughter learns about tinkers, makes a fairly obvious statement and once again reminds me that her Gramps is more of a man than me.