Matthew Dicks's Blog, page 498

I guess I’m stuck with Elysha forever

I recently told my wife that I believe we have the greatest love affair in all of human history, and I meant it. I could never imagine not being with her, and I have a hard time understanding how I was ever happy before we were together.

Being apart is unthinkable to me.

This video pretty much seals the deal.

Even if there came a day when Elysha could no longer tolerate my antic, I don’t think we could ever pull off a break up as touching and amusing and clever as these two people, and since I insist on being the best at all things, we’d be forced to remain together.

The bacon coffin. Also real.

From the same company that produced bacon shaving cream comes the bacon coffin.

At $2,999.99, it actually seems like a bargain.

A hell of a lot of toilet

Not a joke. At least not intentionally.

The gravitas of a three-year-old

Clara: Mom, I need to talk to you.

Elysha: Yeah. What about?

Clara: What’s creamed corn?

Aliens would zap us for this.

While it’s true that we occasionally eat the meat from a full grown sheep (mutton), almost all of the meat that we eat from sheep comes from animals less than a year old.

Can you imagine what an aliens might think of a race of sentient beings who raise an animal in order to eat its babies?

He looks like he knows more than he’s willing to admit.

Shut up, Torie Bosch.

In a piece about the Decembeaver (I’ll let you read about it on Slate if you’d like), Slate’s Torie Bosch writes:

So we’ve made it through Movember, that silly month in which men on your Facebook wall grow out their mustaches “for cancer.” (Because one cannot simply donate to groups like the American Cancer Society—a stunt must be involved.)

If you’ve never heard of it, Movember is an annual, month-long event involving the growing of moustaches during the month of November to raise awareness of prostate cancer and other male cancer and their associated charities. In its eight years of existence, the organization has raised hundred of millions of dollars for these charities and is the leading contributor to prostate cancer research in many countries around the world.

This is why Bosch’s comments annoyed the hell out of me.

First, she states that men grow mustaches for cancer, placing the two words in quotation marks presumably to expression doubt as to these men’s intentions. But the organization has already raised hundred of millions of dollars “for cancer” already. Why does Bosch question the motives of these participants?

Why would anyone question the motives of people who are raising enormous sums of money in the interests of medical research?

Then she adds this parenthetical sentence:

(Because one cannot simply donate to groups like the American Cancer Society—a stunt must be involved.)

The stupidity of this statement astounds me.

First, part of the purpose of Movember is to raise awareness of prostate cancer and other male cancers, and in doing so, encourage men to get an annual check-up, become more aware of any family history of cancer, and to adopt a healthier lifestyle.

It seems to me that an army of men sporting newly grown mustaches around the world is a perfect way to garner attention for the good cause and raise awareness of a serious, often ignored medical issue. This is not a stunt. It’s a means of channeling the energy of millions of people into a single cause for a single month in the year, and in doing so, create a distinct, daily visual reminder about the cause.   

Second, does Bosch also think that every Breast Cancer Walk, Walk For Diabetes, Race for The Cure and the like should also be eliminated? Can’t these walkers and runners simply donate money without some stunt being involved? Why must thousands of people spend countless weekends walking and running around this country in order to raise money and awareness for worthy charities? Just hand over the damn money and be done with it.

Right?

This is what Bosch seems to be implying.

I would also point out that Movember is a sponsored event. Participants get sponsors for their mustaches, allowing them to contribute more money to the cause than they could ever contribute on their own and involving people who might not want not be able to grow a mustache but are more than willing to help. 

To imply that these men should just fork over some money and forget the “silly month” suggests absolute ignorance in regards to the purpose and ways in which these charitable foundations work.

Shut up, Torie Bosch. 

I have never participated in Movember, but I think the story behind the origins of the organization is fascinating, and I see nothing but goodness coming from the organization. I suggest you watch Movember’s founder dam Garone’s TED Talk below. It’s remarkable how this organization has grown in just eight short years. The story is inspiring and amusing and a great reminder about the power of people pulling together.  

Parenting made easy

My daughter created a beach scene in the living room. Beach chairs, shovels, buckets, books and theoretical lake. I was sitting in a chair, reading her a book, when she stopped me midsentence and said, “It’s getting late, Dad. I’m tired. I think it’s time for me to go to bed.”

I said nothing. I expected her to wait a beat and then say, “Ha! Just fooling you, Daddy! I never want to go to bed!”

But she didn’t. In less than ten seconds, she was on her way up the stairs, anxious to get in bed.

No one told me something like this would someday happen. I still can’t believe it.

Most unbelievable trade in the history of mankind. This is not hyperbole.

This is nothing more than a few paragraphs lifted from a Wikipedia article about former major league pitcher Fritz Peterson and his teammate, Mike Kekich. It’s so incredible and unbelievable that it required restatement here.

Just try to imagine what it would be like if this happened today.

The world would probably explode. Seriously.

Fritz Peterson may be best remembered today for swapping families with fellow Yankee pitcher Mike Kekich, an arrangement the pair announced at spring training in March 1973. Peterson and Kekich had been inseparable friends since 1969; both families lived in New Jersey, their children were about the same age, and often they all would visit the Bronx Zoo or the shore or enjoy a picnic together. They decided that they would one day trade wives, children, and even dogs.

The affair began in 1972, when the two couples joked on a double date about wife swapping, a phenomenon that caught on in some uninhibited circles during the early 1970s. According to one report, the first swap took place that summer, after a party at the home of New York sportswriter Maury Allen. The couples made the change official in October; Kekich moving in with Marilyn Peterson and Peterson with Susanne Kekich, but no word leaked out until spring of 1973. A light moment came when New York Yankees General Manager Lee MacPhail remarked, “We may have to call off Family Day.” The trade worked out better for Peterson than it did for Kekich, as Peterson is still married to the former Susanne Kekich, with whom he has had four children. Kekich and Marilyn Peterson did not remain together very long.

She must hate these people

My daughter has surrounded the grandmother and grandson figures o her play board with lions, tigers and bears, oh my. Literally. 

I wish I knew what went through her mind while constructing scenes like these.