Matthew Dicks's Blog, page 487

My daughter’s favorite library is not a library

My wife agreed to bring my daughter to her favorite library yesterday. “The one with the stage and the trains,” she said.

The main branch of the West Hartford public library has both a stage and a train set in its children’s section, so naturally they went there.

Upon arriving, Clara said, “We’re going to my favorite library. Right?”

“Yes,” Elysha said, pointing to the red brick building in front of them.

“No,” Clara said. “Not that one. That one.” Her finger turned left in the direction of the adjacent Barnes & Noble, which also happens to have trains and a stage in their children’s area.

My four year-old thinks that the bookstore is a library.

She also thinks that a town would place two libraries adjacent to each other, which seems even more bizarre to me, but she’s a kid, so I’ll let that go.

But I’m not sure how to feel about this. Obviously Clara has failed to differentiate between Mommy and Daddy borrowing books and buying books, which says something about her understanding of commerce and the transaction of money in order to procure goods and services, but is thinking of a bookstore and a library as one and the same a bad thing for libraries?

Or for bookstores?

Recent editorial comments

In working on a short piece of nonfiction with my editor, I was recently offered the following comments:

“Much too self-effacing. People are going to think you’re Canadian.”

“Incredibly stiff. Not your voice at all.”

“Wiffle. Waffle. Adds nothing.”

I’ve always appreciated the direct approach.

My editor, who I adore, embraces it.

Brazil seeks to increase intelligence by banning indoor tanning. At least that’s my guess.

Brazil is the first country in the world to ban indoor tanning for anyone of any age.

Good for Brazil. Perhaps this was an attempt to increase the average IQ of their population. By eliminating tanning completely, it forces their stupidest citizen to leave the country.

I know I’ve written about it before (including 7 perfectly good reasons why the use of a tanning booth is acceptable), but seriously, is there anything stupider than tanning?

Sibling cuddles

I have a brother and a sister and a former step-brother and former step-sister, yet I don’t think there was ever a time when we did something like this.

   

Resolution update: January 2013

1. Don’t die.

Still here.

2. Lose ten pounds.

I’ve lost 4 pounds in January, and happily, it’s been through no great effort on my part. Just eating a little less and exercising a little more.

3. Do at least 100 push-ups and 100 sit-ups five days a day.  Also complete at least two two-minute planks five days per week.

Done. In fact, I didn’t miss a day in January.

4. Launch at least one podcast.

Until my book is finished (my deadline is March 31), this will have to wait (though I am extremely anxious to get started). On a positive note, a friend has offered to guide me through some of the technical aspects that I have not learned yet.

5. Practice the flute for at least an hour a week.

The broken flute remains in the back of my car. My wife has offered to bring it to the repair shop for me.   

6. Complete my fifth novel before the Ides of March.

I am moving along at a fairly rapid pace. The pressure of an actual deadline and a disappointed editor weigh heavily on me.

7. Complete my sixth novel.

Work will not begin on this goal until the fifth book is complete.

8. Sell one children’s book to a publisher.

Work will not begin on this goal until the fifth book is complete.

9. Complete a book proposal for my memoir.

Work will not begin on this goal until the fifth book is complete.

10. Complete at least twelve blog posts on my brother and sister blog.

For the first time since this project began, I am the one stalling progress. Kelli posted in late December and I have yet to respond. I will do so shortly.   

11. Become certified to teach high school English by completing two required classes.

I need to complete one more class in order to become certified to teach English in grades 6-12. It looks like I will be taking that class in the summer or fall of this year. 

12. Publish at least one Op-Ed in a newspaper.

Work will not begin on this goal until the fifth book is complete.

13. Attend at least eight Moth events with the intention of telling a story.

I was scheduled and then rescheduled to attend a Moth event in January, but family illness and then foul weather (and a less-than-adventurous friend) stopped me both times. I plan on attending a StorySLAM on Monday in Brooklyn and then later in the month in Boston with Elysha and friends.  There is also a StorySLAM at the end of the month that I may be targeting as well.

14. Locate a playhouse to serve as the next venue for The Clowns.

Talks have begun with people who might be able to help us find a venue. We also plan on applying for a New York theater festival in 2014, though that application process has not yet begun.

15. Give yoga an honest try.

Though I’m ready to try this whenever possible, the summer might be the most feasible time to attempt this goal.

16. Meditate for at least five minutes every day.

Done.

17. De-clutter the garage.

No progress, though my wife has offered to assist me eliminate the excess furniture via Craigslist.  

18. De-clutter the basement.

No progress. 

19. De-clutter the shed

No progress.

20. Reduce the amount of soda I am drinking by 50%.

My plan is to record of my soda consumption for a month in order to determine the average amount of soda I drink in a day and will then seek to reduce that number by 50 percent.

I did not record my soda consumption in January.

21. Try at least one new dish per month, even if it contains ingredients that I wouldn’t normally consider palatable.

I tried couscous in January and liked it very much. We had it again last night.  

22. Conduct the ninth No-Longer-Annual A-Mattzing Race in 2013.

Work will not begin on this goal until the fifth book is complete.

23. Post my progress in terms of these resolutions on this blog on the first day of every month.

I am one day ahead of schedule.

So little

I swear he’s not this little. Some strange camera angle must be at play here.

He can’t be this little.

A perfect summation of me.

A friend and film writer who gave us some of the best notes that we received following the performance of The Clowns told me he was initially unsure if he should pass on the notes to me.

“I wasn’t sure how you’d react to them.”

Then he had thought about it for a minute and realized that I was the perfect person to receive his notes.

“You’re the best person to receive a note because no matter what I say, I can’t hurt your feelings. And you’re probably one of the worst people to give a note because you don’t care about the other person’s feelings.”

While I like to think that I temper my honesty with civility, decency and respect, he’s probably right.

Slightly hazardous play makes a birthday party great.

I loved my daughter’s recent birthday party.

Held at My Gym, which Clara believes is not the name of the place but a reference to the gym being her own (and I dare you to try to convince her otherwise), I couldn’t have been more pleased with the organized games that they offered.

Normally Clara is not one for the organized games, preferring free play, and she can become annoyed when told that it’s circle time or the moment to learn a new skill. Normally I would agree with her, but on Saturday, the activities offered just enough danger and old school to make me happy.

First, punching bag-shaped bolsters were hung from the ceiling and swung back and forth and random arcs, and the kids were asked to run through them without getting hit and knocked down. It was actually a challenging and slightly frightening task for many of the children (some were legitimately knocked on their ass), but they loved it, running through several times each.

Next, the staff dumped an enormous pail of plush balls on the floor and encouraged the kids to think of them as snowballs. “Snowball fight!” a staff member shouted, and the kids were invited to throw the balls at one another.

I have often said that one of the best things to do with a ball is throw it at someone else’s, and these kids agreed wholeheartedly. 

Lastly, kids were sent down a zip line. Though they were spotted for the entire ride, it was challenging and frightening for many of the kids. Even Clara, who had never agreed to ride the zip line before, loved it.

 

Three activities that generated some old fashioned fear and excitement in the kids, which almost always makes the event more fun and memorable.

Add a little kickboxing, an arm wrestling match and maybe some Rock’em Sock’m Robots and we could’ve a legitimately idyllic afternoon.

Still, it wasn’t bad at all. Kudos to my wife for pulling the whole thing off on her own.    

My latest and greatest gift idea is one that I think everyone could embrace

My birthday is coming up in two weeks. My wife often asks me for possible gift ideas, as I can be a difficult person when it comes to presents. I am much more interested in eliminating things from my life than adding to it. The accumulation of stuff does not interest me. In fact, if someone would just agree to clean out the the extra furniture from my garage, that might be the best birthday gift of all.

The curse of the minimalist.

Truthfully, the best gift anyone can ever give me is the gift of time, but that is not an easy one to bestow. Even so, Elysha has managed this at least a few times in the past. She has hired people to cut the grass and rake the leaves and shovel the driveway, thus returning this precious time to me.

I recently had an idea for a new kind of gift:

The gift of knowledge.

Find a way to teach me to do something that I’ve always wanted to do but never could or haven’t had time yet to learn.

There are many things I would like to learn. If you’re looking to give me something for my birthday, why not find a way to teach me one of these things? Either teach me yourself or find someone who can do it for you.

Can you imagine a better gift?

I can’t.

The list of things I want to learn include:

Change the oil in my car
Give my car a tune-up
Post a podcast online
Invest in individual stocks
Hit my driver longer and more consistently
Install replacement windows in my home
Become more knowledgeable and skilled with WordPress
Sync all my calendars reliably on my iPhone

I know the last one sounds lame, but I have yet to sync multiple calendars from multiple accounts (including my work account) onto my phone with any degree of success, and learning to do so would be an enormous time saver for me.

It doesn’t sound like much, and it might take someone just five minutes to teach me, but I have yet to find the person who can help me, and those five minutes would represent an enormous savings of time and effort for me and thus would make for an outstanding birthday gift.

Perhaps I’m not so hard to buy for after all.

No Moth, but a silver lining. Probably too generous. Not quite silver. More like chrome.

It was a tough day for me. I had originally planned on attending The Moth in New York City tonight. Two friends were going to join me for the trip from Connecticut, and I scheduled to meet two more friends in the city.

But bad weather, a less-than-daring friend, an unexpected wake and car trouble foiled my perfect plan, and I stayed home. I had an outstanding story to tell tonight, and it fit the theme perfectly.

And it turns out that there were only 11 names in the bag at tonight’s StorySLAM, meaning my chances of taking the stage would have been outstanding.

This failure to launch did not sit well with me.

Then I received some great news. Perhaps you heard.

1. The Boy Scouts, the organization that changed my life forever but continues to betray its core ideals and basic human decency by refusing to allow openly gay leaders, is seriously considering reversing its position. I can’t tell you how happy this makes me. I have often questioned and even criticized people who continue to support religions that promote polices that they personally oppose, and for me, the Boy Scouts have presented me with same kind of problem. While I appreciate and respect all that Scouting did for me as a boy, I find myself unable to support the organization as an adult. Perhaps this inner conflict can finally come to an end and I can once again embrace an organization that in many ways served as my father growing up.

2. Eggs may not be as bad for you as once thought. This is tremendous news for a daily egg eater like me.

That’s it. Two bits of seriously good news.

Not nearly enough to make up for the missed opportunity, but I’m trying to convince myself that it was.