Matthew Dicks's Blog, page 417

NFL players are clearly the most distractible people on the planet

Former NFL players and coaches and other professional football pundits have been commenting on the news that former Michael Sam, the University of Missouri football player and NFL prospect, is gay.

Much of the commentary has been positive. There have been a few players who have expressed concern over a gay man seeing their pee pee in the locker room while they dress, and some, including Sam’s own father, have spoken out against his homosexuality, but these kinds of comment have been in the minority.

There has also been much talk over whether or not Sam’s decision to announce publicly that he is gay will impact his draft status. Will teams be less likely to take him because of the distraction that he will create?

The word “distraction” is used all the time in NFL circles. Former players and coaches are especially fond of talking about the importance of maintaining routines and limiting the distractions to players and the organizations.

The word is used all the time.

It leads me to think that for some reason, NFL players are the most distractible people on the planet.

Even though they are required to stand at podiums every week, answering  questions from reporters, and even though they perform their job in stadiums filled with screaming, angry, drunken, profane fans while millions of others watch at home on television, the idea that a reporter may ask them how they feel about a gay man in the locker room (even though there have likely been many gay men in locker rooms with them in the past) will somehow impede their ability to run fast or catch a ball or tackle an opponent.

Who knows? Possibly a gay opponent.

It seems to me that the NFL needs to invest in Adderall. This level of distractibility can only mean that the majority of NFL players suffer from attention deficit disorder.

Medication, rather than the de-valuing of an NFL prospect because of his sexual orientation, may be the answer.

Best packaging ever

I know that Apple fans become nearly orgasmic over the packaging of the company’s products, but I don’t think there is any better packaging in the world than the packaging of Sony’s new waterproof Walkman.

It’s likely to be the smartest thing you see this week.

Helicopter parenting has gone national

I feel so lucky that my wife and I were teachers for so many years before becoming parents.

As a teacher, I have come to understand the value of allowing a child to struggle. I’ve learned the value of clear limits and high expectations. I know the perils of false promises and idle threats.

I’ve also been fortunate enough to witness and, in some cases, befriend outstanding parental role models over the years. These mothers and fathers have taught me parenting lessons that I use every day with my children.

I’ve also born witness to the results of less-than-ideal parenting: Inconsistent, uninvolved and overly-involved mothers and fathers who love their children dearly but make decisions that are oftentimes not in the best interest of their children.

Of all the less-than-ideal parents, I tend to think that the overly involved, helicopter parents are the most detrimental to their children. In the process of incapacitating their sons and daughters with their constant involvement, they also strip the self-confidence and dignity from the kids.

And now helicopter parenting has gone national, at least in Thailand, where government psychiatrists are warning about the effects of unappreciated selfies on a young people.

Before you start to wonder if I’ve been fooled by The Onion or some other satirical news website, let me assure you that this story is real.

I checked twice because I couldn’t believe that I wasn’t being fooled.   

From a piece in TIME entitled Selfies Threaten Thai Development:

On Sunday, government psychiatrist Dr. Panpimol Wipulakorn warned that young Thais who post pictures of themselves on social media but don’t receive enough positive feedback are encountering emotional problems, which in turn is creating a dearth of well-balanced citizens and could eventually spell trouble ahead for the Southeast Asian nation.

“If they feel they don’t get enough Likes for their selfie as expected, they decide to post another, but still do not receive a good response,” she said in a statement, according to the Bangkok Post. “This could affect their thoughts. They can lose self-confidence and have a negative attitude toward themselves, such as feeling dissatisfied with themselves or their body.”

She added: “This could affect the development of the country in the future as the number of new-generation leaders will fall short. It will hinder the country’s creativity and innovation.”

Tim Burton apparently agrees: Spite is the best reason to do anything

From the Wikipedia entry on Jack Nicholson (and confirmed on IMDB and several other independent sources):

In 1996, Nicholson collaborated with Batman director Tim Burton on Mars Attacks!, pulling double duty as two contrasting characters, President James Dale and Las Vegas property developer Art Land.

At first studio executives at Warner Bros. disliked the idea of killing off Nicholson’s character, so Burton created two characters for Nicholson instead and killed them both off.

I suspect that Tim Burton and I would get along rather well.

Productivity Tip #2: Listen to the 120 year-old version of yourself and stop playing stupid games on your phone.

The creator of Flappy Bird (which I have been told has taken the place of Angry Birds in terms of popularity) has removed the popular game from iOS and Android app stores.

The game no longer appears in searches on both Google Play and Apple’s App Store. When viewing the Top Charts from an iPhone, Flappy Bird is absent from the Free Games chart it had topped for the past week. Also, if you view the developer page for Dong Nguyen within iTunes, Flappy Bird is no longer featured.

Creator Dong Nguyen tweeted the news about Flappy Bird two days ago, claiming that despite the $50,000 that he is earning daily from the game, it is “ruining his life.”

I cheered the end of Flappy Bird.

I’ve never played the game. I’ve never even seen the game played. But what I have seen is the shockingly addictive power of these games and the vast amounts of time that are wasted by the people who are playing them.

Flappy Bird may have been ruining Dong Nguyen’s life, but it’s ruining the lives of the people who stare at their phones every day and play the game, too. 

Candy Crush is the game that I see played most often in my circles. I see this game played a lot. Every time I see it played, I can’t help but think about the time being wasted and lost. Time that can never be recovered.

Don’t get me wrong: I love video games. I spent untold numbers of hours playing video games, both at home and in arcades, as a child. Even as an adult, I have spent entire weekends playing video games with friends.

But the difference between the video games that I have played and games like Candy Crush and Flappy Birds is that when I play video games, they are played socially. My friends and I bring our laptops together or gather around my friend’s Wii, and we spend a weekend attempting to conquer a game or each other.

When I am playing video games, I am spending time with friends. I am talking, taunting, scheming, laughing, reminiscing, fighting, competing and cajoling.

The people who I watch play games like Candy Crush (and presumably Flappy Bird) are lost in their cell phone screens, present in body but absent from the world and the people around them, accomplishing little more than momentary, mind-numbing, purposeless pleasure.

This is not to say you will never see me with my head buried in my phone. You will.

Too often, in fact.

But when I am staring at a screen, I like to think that I am at least being productive. Most likely, I am reading. I am either scrolling through my carefully-curated Twitter stream for news, reading a webpage, PDF or book, or working on a project in Evernote. I am either gathering information, reading for pleasure or moving something forward.

This may cause me to sound like a productivity lunatic. I probably sound as fun as a dish towel. I may appear like someone who doesn’t know how to turn off and relax.

All of these things may be true, but here is what will not happen to me:

I will not be lying on my death bed someday, hating myself for the precious hours spent playing Candy Crush.

When I am an old man, I will not be hating the younger version of myself for  all the time I spent playing Flappy Bird.

It may sound insane to live your life through the eyes of your dying self, but this is what I do. I think about what the 120 year-old version of me would want from the 40 year-old version of me, and that is what I try to do, because I know that the 120 year-old version of me will be much wiser than the current me, and he is going to be outraged if I wasted my precious time with nonsense.

This is not to say that I would not love to play a game like Candy Crush or Flappy Bird. Knowing my addictive, obsessive personality and my natural inclination toward video games,I think I would crush Candy Crush. I would flap the hell out of Flappy Bird.

This is why I never download any games onto my phone.

I do not allow myself to begin playing these games to do so would surely lead down the Candy Crush path to certain doom.

My advice: Remove all the games from your phone immediately and find a more productive use of the time you will spend with you face in your phone.

My suggestions: Load a book onto your phone. Find news sources that appeal to you. Use the time spent on your phone to make a grocery list, respond to an email, review your bank statement or answer a question that you have always wondered.

I am currently reading about the Teapot Dome scandal via the Wikipedia app on my phone. It’s something that I’ve always been vaguely aware of but never really understood. By the end of today or tomorrow, I will.

Next I plan on reading about Elvis Presley. I’ve been listening to the song Suspicious Minds and it’s got me thinking about him a lot. I don’t know much about his life, but by the end of the week, I will.

There is a new, free app called Duolingo, which will teach you a foreign language and is designed to be played like a game. It’s fantastic. It’s competitive, challenging and full of the levels, rewards and markers that make games like Candy Crush so additive.

I’m not ready to shift the reading that I do on my phone over to a game like this, but there may come a time when I do. But if you’re sitting in a meeting or a waiting room playing Candy Crush or it, why not play a game that will result in the ability to speak Spanish or French or German instead?

There are millions of uses of your cell phone. New apps are being developed and added to the app stores. For the sake of your aged, infirmed, future self, make the time spent with your head in your phone more useful and productive.

The definition of hubris

When I want to teach my students the meaning of hubris, I will simply ask them to read this:

More airlines embracing the Spiderman Principle of Meetings and Presentations

Last week I complimented Delta airlines for their willingness to be creative in their in-flight safety video.

Here are two more. Neither is as outstanding as Delta’s (both seem to try a little too hard), but they’re still very good. And a hell of a lot better than the standard, unimpressive safety video.

More importantly, it’s refreshing to see that more people and organizations are embracing the The Spiderman Principle of Meetings and Presentations.

Some day we may find ourselves in a world where meetings are either entertaining and informative or (a boy can dream) nonexistent.

Self love is a battlefield. In Idaho, at least.

Brigham Young University’s satellite campus in Idaho released a motivational video encouraging students to report friends, roommates or themselves if they suspect that they are masturbating too much.

 

This would be bad enough, but the World War I battlefield imagery used in the video is completely insane.

Tires in need of slashing

My wife’s car is on the right, parked legally within the lines.

The car parked to the left is owned by a handicapped veteran who wedged himself into the space between her car and the one in the handicapped spot to the left. This is the space typically afforded to a handicapped spot in the event that more room is needed to get in or out of a vehicle.

The two cars were so close that their side view mirrors were actually touching. There was less than an inch between the tires.

Unable to get Charlie into his car seat, Elysha had to go looking for the lunatic in the community center where they were parked.

His excuse for this selfish, insane act of buffoonery was that he was a handicapped veteran and there were no handicapped spaces left, so he invented one, despite any inconvenience that it may have caused the people on both sides of him, including one who was handicapped as well.

He was neither apologetic or willing to acknowledge the error of his ways.

My wife was firm but respectful.

I suspect that I would’ve been loud and belligerent.

I have great respect for veterans, but being a veteran doesn’t mean that you can’t also be a jackass who needs his keys taken away from him.

Greatest Super Bowl commercial ever

If you lived in Savannah, Georgia, you would’ve been treated to this incredible, amazing, epic, unbelievable, spectacular, mind-blowing two-minute long masterpiece during the first local commercial break of the Super Bowl.

It’s real. I checked.