Matthew Dicks's Blog, page 377

Daddy is dumb. Mommy is a genius.

I didn’t want to go for a walk. As usual. my wife convinced me otherwise.

Had she listened to me, I would’ve never had the joy of watching my children walk through the neighborhood, side by side, in rain boots and plastic fireman’s hats.

And for my son, a diaper and no pants.

Thank goodness for the wisdom of my wife.

This short film presents a situation that is both ridiculous and reality. And that scares the hell out of me.

It’s astounding how rapidly the selfie and social media have interlocked to become a ubiquitous, ingrained, and inexplicably accepted aspect of American culture.

Does a film like this awaken people to the lunacy of their social media existences, or are they unable to see themselves for who they have become?

ASPIRATIONAL from Matthew Frost on Vimeo.

My story was featured on The Moth’s podcast this week. I still get goose bumps.

I was thrilled to learn that one of the stories that I told at a Moth StorySLAM in Boston last year was featured on their podcast this week. I’ve seen a much younger version of myself on The Moth’s homepage once before, but it’s very much like seeing one of my novels on a bookstore shelf.

I still can’t believe it.

Five years ago, I started listening to The Moth’s podcast after a friend recommended it to me. She thought that I might have stories to tell someday. I spent two years listening to the podcast, reveling in the stories told by people who I thought were gods.

I still do.

Three years ago, I went to New York and told my first story. I thought it would be my last story. I thought I was simply checking an item off my lifelong list of things to do.

Tell a story at The Moth. Move on.

Twenty-five StorySLAMs and 13 victories later, The Moth and storytelling have become as important to me as any of my creative endeavors. I’ve told stories in eight GrandSLAMs, two Main Stage shows, and my stories have been featured on the Moth Radio Hour twice. I’ve told stories for many other organizations since then, including This American Life, and my wife and I have launched our own storytelling organization in Connecticut.

Yet I still can’t believe that my story is on The Moth’s podcast again this week, alongside storytellers who I still think of as gods.

You don’t get to rub elbows with the gods very often. The Moth has given me the chance to do so routinely. I am fortunate enough to know some of the finest storytellers in the world through my work at The Moth. Truly some of the finest people who I have ever met. I have the opportunity to stand on the stage alongside giants and tell stories to the best audiences that a performer will ever know.

I still get goose bumps every time I do.

I got those same goose bumps upon seeing my face on The Moth’s homepage this week. It all started five years ago by listening to amazing stories piped into my ears.

This week my own story will be piped into people’s ears.

If it happened a thousand times, I still wouldn’t quite believe it.

Clara’s September bus stop outfits

My daughter started kindergarten last month ago. Every morning my wife takes a photograph of Clara at the bus stop, oftentimes alongside her brother.

Forgive me for my indulgence, but I couldn’t resist posting the September bus stop photos. Receiving them from Elysha every day makes me so happy. I’m only sad that I can’t be there to see her onto the bus.

               

While my son was joyously climbing aboard fire engines and tractors, my daughter and I were engulfed in tragedy and heartache.

My son loved Touch-a-Truck. There were dozens of trucks to climb onto and into and around.

It was his own personal nirvana.

    

My daughter loved Touch-a-Truck for about 30 minutes and then spent the rest of the day riding around in the stroller.

She was a bit of a pill that day. Complaining. Whining. Disinterested. Wanting to go home. The stroller was the only thing that appeased her.

It transformed her from annoying to blissful.

And while she looked a little ridiculous stuffed inside, I kind of loved it, too.

Clara won’t fit in the stroller for much longer. She barely fits now. Before I know it, my days of pushing my little girl around fairgrounds and zoos and amusement parks will be over, and I will yearn for a time when that is not true.

In fact, that day at Touch-a-Truck may have been the last time that my daughter ever climbs into our stroller again. It may have been the last time that I ever get to push my little girl around. I try to be cognizant of those possible last moments. I try to remain aware of the tragedy of time so these occasions don’t pass by unnoticed and unmarked.  

I thought about all of this and more as I pushed my daughter around those trucks and tractors and rally cars that day. I tried to soak it all in. Capture every moment in my mind. Record every detail. Live in the moment.

I tried not to be sad about the fact that my little girl isn’t so little anymore.

 

Resolution update: September 2014

In an effort to hold myself accountable, I post a list my New Year’s resolutions at the beginning of each month, along with their progress (or lack thereof).

1. Don’t die.

Still kicking.

2. Lose ten pounds.

Seven down and three to go.   

3. Do at least 100 push-ups and 100 sit-ups five days a week.

Done.

4. Launch at least one new podcast.

Author Out Loud, my first podcast, is still yet to launch (and therefore still not my first). Once we have that podcast running smoothly, we can think about adding a second podcast.

Progress so far: I have selected an online service to redesign my website,  which would allow me to post podcast online, which will allow me to actually make my podcast.

I’ve also secured a commitment from a cohost for that second podcast.

5. Complete my sixth novel before the end of the summer 2014.

Work on this book finally recommenced this month.  

6. Complete my seventh novel.

Work continues.  

7. Sell one children’s book to a publisher.

Three manuscripts remain in the hands of my agent. I await word on their fate. Work began on a fourth.

8. Complete a book proposal for my memoir.

The proposal for a memoir comprised of the about three dozen of my Moth stories is complete. It will be sent to editors for their consideration later this month.

Work also continues on a memoir that focuses on the two years that encompassed my arrest and trial for a crime I did not commit. These two years also include an armed robbery, the onset of my post traumatic stress disorder, my period of homelessness, and the time I spent living with a family of Jehovah’s Witnesses.

It was a memorable two years.

I’m also writing another memoir about this current season of golf. Since I haven’t played enough golf this summer, I plan to stretch it so that it encompasses the entire year rather than just the summer.  

Work also began on a new book which is part memoir and part how-to.

9. Host at least one Shakespeare Circle.

Nothing scheduled yet.   

10. Write a screenplay.

Done! In the hands of my agent.

11. Write at least three short stories.

Nothing. I still hate this goal.

12. Write a collection of poetry using existing and newly written poems.

My agent has spoken. Not only does poetry not earn any money, but she doesn’t think my poetry is worth my time in terms of time and money. She encouraged me to send some of my better poems to journals and contests, which I may do at some point.

13. Become certified to teach high school English by completing one required class.

Still one class and $50 away from completion. My wife is actively looking for a place online where I can complete this relatively obscure requirement.

14. Publish at least one Op-Ed in a physical newspaper.

My second column in Seasons magazine publishes this month.

I still await word from a major online magazine about a pitch that I made last month.   

I also published a piece in The Cook’s Cook, a magazine for aspiring food writers and recipe testers. You can read the April-May issue here.

None of these are Op-Eds in a physical paper. Please ignore that fact in the event I need to use these publishing credits in order to claim that I have completed my goal.

15. Attend at least 10 Moth events with the intention of telling a story.

I attended a Moth StorySLAM in New York in September but was not called to the stage. It brings my total number of events for the year to 13.

16. Win a Moth GrandSLAM.

I have competed in five GrandSLAMs in 2014 in New York City and Boston, finishing second three times. When I didn’t finish in second place, I was  forced to tell my story from first position (the kiss of death).

It’s all terribly annoying.  

I have another GrandSLAM in New York in November, and that may be my last chance at a championship for 2014.   

17. Give yoga an honest try.

My friend, who is a yoga guru, has agreed to give me a lesson.

18. De-clutter the basement.

Progress continues at a constant, slightly less than glacial, pace.

19. De-clutter the shed

Done! I dislodged a mouse family, filled the back of my truck with junk, and now I have an empty, organized shed.  

20. Conduct the ninth No-Longer-Annual A-Mattzing Race in 2014.

No progress.

21. Produce a total of six Speak Up storytelling events.

Done! Our September show (one of our best ever) was our sixth of the year, and we have additional shows planned for October at The Mount in Lennox, MA and December at Real Art Ways

22. Deliver a TED Talk.

I delivered a TED Talk in March at Brooklyn Boulders in Somerville, MA.

I have also been contacted about speaking at two other TED conferences in the fall and am still awaiting word on my pitches.

23. Set a new personal best in golf.

Nothing close to a personal best last month. But I beat my friend, Jeff, for only the third time in my life, which was great.

24. Find a way to keep my wife home for one more year with our children.

We still don’t know how we will afford this, but we made the decision to keep Elysha at home for one more year with our son.

25. Post my progress in terms of these resolutions on this blog on the first day of every month.

Done.

Unacceptable platitude #7: “Fair does not mean equal.”

“Fair does not mean equal” is a convenient phrase that is overly used in situations in which inequality exists and the ability to mitigate that inequality either doesn’t exist for structural or financial reasons or is beyond the intellectual and creative abilities of the people in charge to eliminate altogether. 

In other words, yes, “fair does not mean equal” is sometimes applicable.

More often, however, “fair does not mean equal” its supervisory nonsense spouted by a manager, teacher, or parent who is incapable or unwilling to reach an equitable solution for their subordinates. It’s a phrase that is often friendly to the budget and the people in charge and detrimental and demeaning to the people for whom it is being applied. 

Fair should mean equal whenever possible.

Fair should almost always mean equal.

Fair meaning equal should be the goal.

Don’t ever allow this management-friendly phrase to stand as truth.

My Shortcomings and Flaws: 2014

A reader once accused me of being materialistic after I wrote about my lack of a favorite number, specifically criticizing me for saying that when it comes to my salary, my favorite number is the largest number possible.

You can read about that debate here if you would like.

After refuting the charges of materialism, I acknowledged that I had plenty of other shortcomings and offered to list them in order to appease my angry reader. I did. Then I added to the list when friends suggested that I had forgotten a few.

Nice friends. Huh?

So began an annual tradition of posting my list of flaws and shortcomings. Here is the revised list for 2014. I’ve added 4 items (the last 4) and removed 3 items from the list, bringing my total to 30.

The items that I have removed include:

I forget my EpiPen far too often. – I have enough EpiPens to strategically place them so that I am rarely without one.
I cannot snap a onesie correctly. – My children no longer wear onesies, conveniently eliminating this shortcoming.
I have developed a tendency to express my displeasure or boredom with people through unconscious verbal exhalations and sighs. – Having been made aware of this two years ago, I worked hard and managed to eliminate this tendency.

If you have a suggestion for a flaw or shortcoming that you do not see on the list, please feel free to submit it for review.

Matthew Dicks’s List of Shortcomings and Flaws

1. I have difficulty being agreeable even when the outcome means nothing to me but means a great deal to someone else.

2. I have a limited palate (though I would like to stress that this is not by choice).

3. I often lack tact, particularly in circumstances in which tact is especially important.

4. I am a below average golfer.

5. It is hard for me to sympathize with adults with difficulties that I do not understand, do not think are worthy of sympathy and/or are suffering with difficulties that I would have avoided entirely.

6. I have difficulty putting myself in another person’s shoes. Rather than attempting understand the person, I envision myself within their context and point out what I would have done instead.

7. When it comes to argument and debate, I often lack restraint. I will use everything in my arsenal in order to win, even if this means hurting the other person’s feelings in the process.

8. I do many things for the sake of spite.

9. I have an unreasonable fear of needles.

10. I become angry and petulant when told what to wear.

11. Bees kill me dead.

12. I am incapable of carrying on small talk for any length of time and become extremely irritable and uncomfortable when forced to do so.

13. I become sullen and inconsolable when the New England Patriots lose a football game.

14. I lack adequate compassion and empathy for adults who are not very smart or resourceful or are easily overwhelmed.

15. I can form strong opinions about things that I possess a limited knowledge of and are inconsequential to me.

16. Field of Dreams makes me cry every time without fail.

17. I am unable to make the simplest of household or automobile repairs.

18. I would rarely change the sheets on my bed if not for my wife.

19. I eat ice cream too quickly.

20. I procrastinate when it comes to tasks that require the use of the telephone.

21. I am uncomfortable and ineffective at haggling for a better price.

22. I am exceptionally hard on myself when I fail to reach a goal or meet a deadline.

23. I take little pleasure in walking.

24. Sharing food in restaurants annoys me.

25. I drink too much Diet Coke.

26. My hatred for meetings of almost any kind cause me to be unproductive, inattentive, and obstructionist.

27. Disorganization and clutter negatively impacts my mood, particularly when I cannot control it.

28. I am overly critical of my fellow storytellers, applying my own rules and standards to their performances.

29. I cannot load a dishwasher effectively.

30. I think less of people who nap.

Stupid yoga may be turning my son into a dweeb. Or perhaps he’s trying to get the attention of women like his father once did.

I’m not sure what’s going on here.

 

Maybe his yoga class is influencing the way that he sits now.

Maybe television isn’t exciting enough anymore, and he’s looking for ways to change it up.

Maybe this is his Dead Poets Society moment. Instead of standing on his desk to get a new perspective on the world, he’s trying something a little less dramatic.

I walked into the living room and found my son sitting like this while watching Dora the Explorer. And not just for a moment. I came back 15 minutes later as the show was ending and found him in the same position.

When I was in middle school, I trained myself to read books upside down in an attempt to annoy my teachers and get the attention of girls.

One of those two things happened. I’ll let you guess which one.

Hopefully this new way of sitting is a temporary thing. As an expert in nonconformity, I am certain that his preschool teachers will not appreciate this one bit next year.

Office space turned dance hall, yoga studio, lunch room hell. I bet they’re all organic, gluten-free, transcendentalist vegans, too.

We’ve come a long way since Mike Judge’s Office Space highlighted the drudgery and monotony of cubicle life.

Some offices may have gone a little too far.

This German office may seem brilliant in terms of its use of space, but it strikes me as a little unrealistic and smug. A little cultish, even. No?