Matthew Dicks's Blog, page 348

Five important questions to ask about a religion before joining (or choosing to remain a member)

On a recent episode of Marc Maron's WTF podcast, comedian Kurt Metzger explains how he evaluates a religion by asking three questions:

How much does it cost?Does God do the killing or will I be required to kill on his behalf?Do I need to stay in the religion for Mom or Dad, and what penalties (if any) will I suffer if I choose to exit the religion?

I think it's an excellent list. All three questions are extremely important. The answers to his three questions should be:

Contributions to churches and other religious institutions should always be voluntary and anonymous.Religions should not ask its members to kill, which sounds both obvious and ridiculous but sadly is not.Members should be able to exit the religion without any repercussions from family or community. Faith is an individual decision. Coercion should never play a role in a person's decisions regarding faith or the lack thereof.    

To Metzger's list, I'd like to add two more questions:

Do women enjoy full and absolute equality within the religion?Is the church open to all people, regardless of race, nationality, marital status, sexual preference, criminal history, occupation, etc.? 

I am a reluctant atheist, but if I were to ever fortunate enough to find faith, I would only join a church that could answer an unequivocal yes to both of these questions, and I would encourage people to severe tires with any religious institution that cannot answer an absolute and unequivocal yes to these two questions. 

Not an easy thing to do, of course, but the right thing. As I have said before, the easy thing and the right thing are rarely the same thing. But is has been done.  

For example, my latest hero, Jimmy Carter, severed ties with the Southern Baptists in 2000. Carter was a third generation Southern Baptist for more than 70 years, but after they refused to allow women to serve as pastors in the church, he left the church.

A difficult decision to say the least, but absolutely the right decision, and one to which I admire him immensely.    

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Would you share your toothbrush with a loved one? Or anyone?

There are two kinds of people in the world:

People who are willing to share their toothbrush and those who are not.

The people willing to share are generally better people. Perhaps not as wise or prudent, but better. More trusting and generous and relaxed. 

I would share my toothbrush with my wife, my children, and almost anyone else I know. 

It's also important to note that the Center for Disease Control and Prevention recommends that you never share your toothbrush under any circumstances. In some cases, sharing a toothbrush can lead to life threatening infections.

I guess Billy Joel was right. Only the good die young. 

Tennis balls are almost entirely flattened when struck by a racquet

The unperceived world is a strange, strange place.

This thing exists.

And not in an ironic way. It's a real, earnest thing. 

6 thoughts about this crazy-ass video from CatholicVote.org

1. I'm so happy to hear that the bigoted people in this video love their gay friends so freakin' much. And they conveniently have so many gay friends, too. I'm sure that their gay friends love them right back.  

I guess it's totally fine to support the restriction of basic civil rights to a group of people as long as some of them are your friends and you love them a lot.

After all, I may have friends who don't support same sex marriage. If so, they are bigots, but I love them, and it's my love for them that makes it okay to think of them as bigots. Right?

2. I assume that the argument that "Everyone is entitled to their own opinion" would not apply if I told the black guy in the video that he shouldn't be able to marry a white woman or play in Major League baseball or eat in any sushi restaurants in America because he's black.

Or if I told the women in the ad that women aren't qualified to run for President because they are too emotional and cry too often and are indecisive.   

Right? 

3. It's fascinating to watch people who were once safely in the majority panic when they discover that they are in the minority and no longer enjoy the legal support that they once had. 

And yes. They are in the minority. Only 39% of Americans oppose same sex marriage toay, and that number has been declining since 2004. 

Actually, 56% of Catholics support same sex marriage, making these morons a minority in their own damn church. No wonder they sound so ridiculous.  

4. If CatholicVote.org wants to make an advertisement supporting their cause, they should avoid posting a video that left me wondering if I was watching a hilarious parody from a website like funnyordie.com or an actual advertisement designed to change minds.

That video was insanely confusing. It honestly could've gone either way.

Honestly, I can't believe they haven't taken it down already.   

5. Frankly, if CatholicVote wants to create an effective, non-embarrassing, non-confusing, advertisement opposing gay marriage, call me. For the right price, I promise that I will write and direct an ad that supports your bigoted position and doesn't embarrass you in the process.

Creating a video like that would go against my principle, but everyone has a price.

6. The Biblical rationale for the opposition to gay marriage is presented in this video.

God says no to gay marriage. 

But having read the Bible cover to cover three times (which is more than the morons in this video, I'm sure), I also know that God says a big, fat, enthusiastic yes to slavery. And stoning people who work on Sunday. And slaughtering nonbelievers.  

I really, honestly, sincerely want to know how these people get around this hypocrisy.

The Moth makes it into the pages of Newsweek, and I play a teeny tiny role.

I began telling stories for The Moth back in 2011.

It's no exaggeration that my life changed on that July night when I took the stage at the Nuyorican Poets Cafe and told my first story.

The Moth recently aired that first story on the Moth Radio Hour.  It's a good story, but four years later, I hear the imperfections when I listen to it. I may have won the StorySLAM that night, but I still had a lot to learn.

I still have a lot to learn.

I recently revised and retold the story for a special Moth event at the Soho Synagogue.  was much happier with that performance, though based upon the post I wrote after winning that first slam, I was damn happy that night, too. 

This week I was mentioned in a Newsweek feature on The Moth. It's a thrill to be mentioned and quoted in Newsweek, and it's even more thrilling to see Speak Up, our storytelling organization, mentioned as well.

You can find my mention and quote about two-thirds of the way down the piece.

But most thrilling is simply seeing my name so closely attached to The Moth. 

Four years ago, I was still dreaming of taking the stage and telling a story for The Moth. I was a guy with a goal who was still too frightened to take that first step.

34 StorySLAMs, 13 GrandSLAMs, and a handful of Mainstage shows later, I am now a Moth storyteller. 

It's no exaggeration that my life changed on that July night when I took the stage at the Nuyorican Poets Cafe and told my first story.

Republicans run the risk of becoming the latest version of George Wallace

Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton issued a statement Sunday saying state workers can refuse to issue same-sex marriage licenses if doing so is contrary to his or her religious beliefs.

"(Judges and other state workers) may claim that the government cannot force them to conduct same-sex wedding ceremonies over their religious objections," Paxton said in the statement.

Workers who choose to deny licenses to same-sex couples may face litigation and fines, but there are lawyers willing to defend them, according to Paxton.

Paxton - along with many other Republicans  - are apparently channeling their inner George Wallaces. How quickly they have forgotten how history has judged the former Alabama Governor who ignored the Court's decision and attempted to block the integration of Alabama schools and universities. 

Support for same sex marriage stands at 61% amongst all Americans according to the latest Pew poll and at 73% amongst millennials. Only 14 states banned gay marriage before this ruling (making their calls for a Constitutional amendment against gay marriage a big, fat joke).

The good guys are winning, and there is no reversing this tide. 

In the end, each and every one of these Republicans will be deemed to have been on the wrong side of history. They will find themselves standing alongside the likes of George Wallace forever more. . 

On a related note: How can I reject the Citizens United ruling? What can we do to refuse to adhere to that ruling?

Because that's the ruling that we should ignore. Big time.

I hate broccoli and kale and cabbage, and the reason is science. Maybe.

My least favorite vegetable is broccoli. It is unpalatable. 

It's followed closely by kale, cauliflower, Brussels sprouts, and cabbage. I hate them all. 

I would like to like them. I really would. But I don't. I can't imagine why anyone likes these green, leafy monstrosities.

Yesterday, I may have figured out why I hate these vegetables so much. 

It turns out that all of these vegetables were genetically modified from a single plant. Over the generations, farmers and botanists manipulated a single plant in order to create all of the vegetables that I despise the most. 

That plant: Wild mustard.

And what is the only food that am I allergic to?

Mustard.

No wonder I hate those leafy piles of garbage. 

Scientists have already found evidence that that that broccoli (and its leafy cousins) are actually toxic to more than a billion people worldwide because of a component inside the vegetable that inhibits thyroid function, and that these people also find broccoli unpalatable.

Is it too much of a leap to presume that I find these food unpalatable because of their link to a food that causes me to break out in hives and compromises my respiration ?

It's a good reminder to all the food snobs of the world (and there are a lot of you) that taste is not a choice. We cannot control the foods that we like and don't like, and that if you enjoy the taste of many, many foods, you probably have fewer taste buds than a person like me - a confirmed super taster - who doesn't like a lot of foods.  

More importantly, perhaps my dislike for so many foods is my body's way of protecting me from their adverse effects. 

If you want us to be quiet, please ask quietly.

Resolution update June 2015

PERSONAL HEALTH

1. Don’t die.

I am alive as of this posting. .

2. Lose 20 pounds.

Down five pounds as of this morning. Finally, some momentum. 

3. Do at least 100 push-ups and 100 sit-ups five days a week.

Done. I’ve added a plank every morning as well.

4. Stop drinking soda from two-liter bottles.

I didn’t drink soda from a two-liter bottle in June. Soda consumption remains reduced by at least half and water consumption has increased dramatically.     

5. Practice yoga at least five days a week.

I have restarted my routine. My yoga instructor is on the west coast for a few weeks, but I think I'm doing okay. I'm sure he would disagree, but at least I'm doing it.   

6. Learn to cook three good meals for my wife.

I have three recipes to plan for courtesy of a good friend. 

WRITING CAREER

7. Complete my sixth novel before the end of the summer 2015.

Progress continues in earnest. Between this book and the book that I thought would be my sixth book, I've written enough pages for a novel, but sadly, this doesn't count when it comes to actually selling a book.  

8. Complete my seventh novel.

This book is also more than half finished. 

9. Sell one children’s book to a publisher.

I have three books written and ready to go. I have four new ideas that I plan to work on in 2015. We will submit one or more of these books to editors at some point soon.

10. Sell a memoir to a publisher.

The memoir is written. I hope to polish it as soon as the novel is finished. 

11. Sell a book of essays to a publisher.

My book of essays did not sell, but the responses that we received from editors were exceptionally positive. In a few cases, it was not a pass as much as a request that the book be reorganized and written slightly differently than it is currently constituted. I will do so. Fiction is now my main focus, but this remains a priority in 2015.  

12. Complete a book proposal for a book on storytelling.

Progress continues. It's almost fully outlined. 

13. Write a new screenplay.

I’m still revising my first screenplay based upon film agent’s notes. No progress on the new one.  

14. Write 50 pages of a new memoir about the years of 1991-1993.

I have 25 badly written pages for this memoir that must be transformed into 50 good pages in 2015. No progress yet.

15. Write a musical for a summer camp

Finished! It will be produced at a local summer camp in a few weeks. 

16. Publish at least one Op-Ed in a physical newspaper.

I published one more piece in the Huffington Post last month:

I also published two pieces in Seasons magazine. In addition to my usual humor column, my wife and I co-authored a feature on Speak Up, our storytelling organization. 

None of these appeared in a physical newspaper.

17. Submit one or more short stories to at least three publishing outlets.

No progress.

18. Select three behaviors that I am opposed to and adopt them for one week, then write about my experiences on the blog.

My first idea: Backing into a parking spot. I rightfully assume that anyone backing into a parking spot is a lunatic of the highest order. I shall spend a week backing into parking spots and see what wisdom I can glean.

I was supposed to begin this experiment last month and forgot, probably because it's going to be annoying. I begin today. 

19. Build an author mailing list.

Done! My sixth monthly email goes out next week. The job remains twofold:

Continue to create engaging content that will keep readers interested.Build my subscription base.

If you're not signed up for my mailing list, you can do so here. It's about one email a month and includes updates on my writing and speaking and recommendations. This month's newsletter, which will be sent tomorrow, includes TWO GIVEAWAYS and THE GREATEST RECOMMENDATION OF ALL TIME. 

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20. Build a new website for matthewdicks.com

Done! Tweaks will continue to be made, but it's up and running. 

STORYTELLING

21. Produce a total of eight Speak Up storytelling events.

We produced two events in June, including our first at the Connecticut Historical Society, bringing our total to six. Two to go.  

22. Deliver my fourth TED Talk.

Done! I've also pitched talks to three other TEDx events in 2015 and two in 2016 and await word.

23. Build a webs ite for Speak Up.

Done! It’s a single page on my new author website, and it’s not nearly as robust as we want it to eventually be, but Speak Up finally has a webpage where you can find dates of events, ticket information, an opportunity to sign up for the mailing list, and more. You can find our webpage at speakupstorytelling.com.

24. Attend at least 10 Moth events with the intention of telling a story.

Done! I attended a GrandSLAM, two Moth StorySLAMs, a Mainstage show, and a special event at Yale in June and told stories at all five shows. This brings my total number of Moth events in 2015 to 13. 

25. Win at least two Moth StorySLAMs.

I won a StorySLAM in April. I lost by a tenth of a point last night.  

26. Win a Moth GrandSLAM.

Done twice over! I won the New York GrandSLAM at the Music Hall of Williamsburg in June, bringing my total number of GrandSLAM wins this year to two. Remarkable considering I lost my first eight GrandSLAM championships and have now won three of the last four.   

A lesson in persistence. 

27. Launch at least one podcast.

We have a name. We are ready to launch.

NEW PROJECTS

28. Pitch at least three new projects to two smart people.

I pitched one of my projects to one person in January. No further progress.

29. Host at least one Shakespeare Circle.

Nothing scheduled yet.

MISCELLANEOUS

30. Enroll in the final class needed for certification as a high school English teacher.

No progress. 

31. Set a new personal best in golf.

I played six  rounds of golf in May, breaking 50 for nine holes twice but not coming close to my personal best.  

32. Post my progress in terms of these resolutions on this blog on the first day of every month.

Done.