Matthew Dicks's Blog, page 225
September 4, 2018
Shortcomings and Flaws: 2018
Years ago a reader accused me of being materialistic after I wrote about my lack of a favorite number, specifically criticizing me for saying that when it comes to my salary, my favorite number is the largest number possible.
After properly refuting the charges of materialism, I acknowledged that I had plenty of other shortcomings and offered to list them in order to appease my angry reader. Then I did. Then I added to the list when friends suggested that I had forgotten a few.
Nice friends. Huh?
So began an annual tradition of posting my list of shortcomings and flaws, starting first in 2011 (the list only had 10 items that year), and continuing in 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, and 2017.
I'm happy to report that although the list remains relatively long (34 items this year), I'm removing two items from the list under the advice of my wife.
ITEM #1: When it comes to argument and debate, I often lack restraint. I will use everything in my arsenal in order to win, even if this means hurting the other person’s feelings in the process.
Elysha says that I consider other people's feelings much more often when debating now and actively try not to hurt their feelings even when they are ridiculously wrong.
ITEM #2: I am easily annoyed by the earnestness of adults.
Elysha says that I am much more patient with people these days.
I agree in both instances.
Also, for the first time ever, no new items have been added to the list. I may finally be evolving into a better human being.
If you would like to propose an addition to the list, please let me know, and it will be considered.
Matthew Dicks’s List of Shortcomings and Flaws
1. I have a limited, albeit expanding palate (though I'd like to stress that my limited palate is not by choice).
2. I am a below average golfer (but making a concerted effort to improve this year).
3. It is hard for me to empathize with adults with difficulties that I do not understand and/or are suffering with difficulties that I would have avoided entirely.
4. I have difficulty putting myself in another person’s shoes. Rather than attempting understand the person, I envision myself within their context and point out what I would've done instead.
(I considered removing this item from the list, but Elysha Dicks said, "Absolutely not.")
5. I do many things for the sake of spite.
6. I have an unreasonable fear of needles (though my PTSD definitely plays a role in this).
7. I become angry and petulant when told what to wear.
8. Bees kill me dead.
9. I become sullen and inconsolable when the New England Patriots lose a football game.
10. I lack adequate empathy for adults who are not resourceful or are easily overwhelmed.
11. I can form strong opinions about things that I possess a limited knowledge of and are inconsequential to me.
(Elysha points out that I do this because I find it entertaining, which is true.)
12. I am unable to make the simplest of household or automobile repairs.
13. I would rarely change the sheets on my bed if not for my wife.
14. I eat ice cream too quickly.
15. I procrastinate when it comes to tasks that require the use of the telephone.
16. I am uncomfortable and ineffective at haggling for a better price.
17. I am exceptionally hard on myself when I fail to reach a goal or meet a deadline.
(Elysha feels that this is only getting worse in this regard.)
18. I take little pleasure in walking.
(It remains on the list but there has been noticeable improvement.)
19. Sharing food in restaurants annoys me.
20. I drink too much Diet Coke.
(It remains on the list but there has been noticeable improvement.)
21. My hatred for meetings of almost any kind causes me to be unproductive, inattentive, and obstructionist at times.
22. Disorganization and clutter negatively impacts my mood, particularly when I cannot control the clutter myself
(Elysha aggressively agreed with this one.)
23. I am overly critical of my fellow storytellers, applying my own rules and standards to their performances.
24. I think less of people who nap.
(Though I've come to accept and even embrace the 10-15 minute power nap in the middle of the work day, I still think that anyone who is napping on a Sunday afternoon for three hours or comes home from work and naps until dinner is at best a disappointment.)
25. I lack patience when it comes to assisting people with technology.
26. I don't spend enough time with my best friend.
27. I have a difficult time respecting someone's accomplishments if they benefited from economic privilege in their life.
28. I believe that there are right and wrong ways of parenting.
29. I love saying, "I told you so" so freaking much.
30. I wear my wireless headphones way too much.
31. I consistently screw up my wife's laundry regardless of how careful I think I am,
(I ruined something this week.)
32. My blog entries contain far too many typos, despite my loathing of typos.
(It remains on the list but there has been noticeable improvement.)
33. I leave my credit card at restaurants far too often.
34. I don't ride my bicycle - alone and with my kids - nearly enough.
September 3, 2018
Speak Up Storytelling #16: Monica Cleveland
Episode #16 of Speak Up Storytelling is now available for your listening pleasure.
On this week's episode, Elysha and I talk about finding excellent stories in your everyday life using my strategy "Homework for Life." Specifically, they discuss how storytellers can sometimes be in the middle of a story and not even know it.
Then we listen to Monica Cleveland's story about a long, silent date, followed by commentary and critique, including:
Inhabiting your storyThe B-A-b-C structure of storytellingPreserving surprise via misdirectionSilence in storytellingChoosing the appropriate amount of description for a storyThen we answer listener questions about storytelling for children and handling stories that risk alienating an audience.
Lastly, we each offer a recommendation.
If you haven't subscribed to the podcast in Apple podcasts (or wherever you receive your podcasts), please do. And if you're not one of the 60 or so people to rate and/or review the podcast in Apple Podcasts (who are the best people ever), we would love it if you did.
Ratings and reviews help listeners find our podcast easier, and it makes us feel better about ourselves and our work.
September 2, 2018
Weezer's "Africa" is Toto's "Africa." I don't get it.
You've probably heard Weezer's cover of Toto's song "Africa" at some point this summer. It's been the #1 song in America for the last three weeks and been on the charts for the last 12 weeks.
People love this song.
I don't get it.
I'm not opposed to musicians covering the songs of other musicians, and I'm not opposed to those covers becoming popular.
I'm a huge fan, for example of Joey Ramone's cover of Louis Armstrong's "What a Wonderful World." Rufus Wainwright's cover of Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah." Aretha Franklin's cover of Otis Redding's "Respect."
Many, many more. The Beatles "Twist and Shout." Guns N' Roses "Live and Let Die" and "Knocking on Heaven's Door." Soft Cell's "Tainted Love." The Fugee's "Killing Me Softly." Johnny Cash's "Hurt."
But with each of these covers, the bands have changed the original version of the song in some fundamental way. Made it their own. Given the listener a new lens into something they thought they already knew.
Joey Ramone turns Louis Armstrong's classic slow song into high speed punk.
Rufus Wainwright takes a beautiful song that Leonard Cohen performed miserably and turns it into a classic (John Cale and Jeff Buckley probably deserve more credit for this than Rufus Wainwright, but I like Wainwright's version best).
Aretha changes the meaning of "Respect" completely by singing it from the position of a woman, leading Redding to famously say that Franklin "stole that song from me."
But Weezer's version of "Africa?" As far as I can tell, Weezer tried like hell to make their cover sound exactly like Toto's original song. In fact, when I first heard the new version, it took me a minute to realize that it wasn't Toto's original song, and my first thought upon realizing that it was different was "Did Toto release an anniversary version of the song?"
Why cover a song when you're simply reproducing the song as close as possible to it's original form? And this is Weezer. They are nothing like Toto. They could've done something really inventive and interesting and new with the song, but instead, they did nothing.
They took Toto's sheet music, played the song, and recorded it. They play it well, but they certainly don't make it their own.
And yes, the song went to #1 for three weeks. It's Weezer's biggest hit in a decade and their only chart topper. It's hard to argue with success.
Weezer will make a lot of money from this song. The success is impressive.
But when it comes to artistry? Musicianship? Originality?
Not so much. Weezer's version of "Africa" is fine, but I'll take Toto's version any day, because I prize artistry over mimicry. Originality over familiarity. Creativity over copying.
September 1, 2018
Resolution update: August 2018
1. Don’t die.
Still alive and amazing.
2. Lose 20 pounds.
I gained a pound in August. I'm now 11 pounds down and 9 from the goal.
3. Eat at least three servings of fruits and/or vegetables per day.
I had three servings of fruits and/or vegetables on 20 of 31 days in August.
Worst month so far.
4. Do at least 100 push-ups, 100 sit-ups, and 3 one-minute planks for five days a week.
Done.
5. Identify a yoga routine that I can commit to practicing at least three days a week.
I spent a full week at Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health. I did not take a single yoga class.
6. Stop using the snooze button.
Done and still highly recommended. Science is right. Snoozing is a terrible practice that you must end immediately. Get the hell out of bed once you are awake. You will feel a lot better.
WRITING CAREER7. Complete my seventh novel before the end of 2018.
My agent and I have settled on the next novel. Progress continues.
8. Complete my second middle grade/YA novel.
I've submitted my first middle grade novel to my editor. I have a phone call with her next week. I can't choose or start the next book until the first is complete.
This one is looking very unlikely.
9. Write at least three new picture books, including one with a female, non-white protagonist.
I've begun work on a nonfiction picture book on a famous beaver drop in the 1950's.
10. Write a proposal for a memoir.
My agent and I have decided upon the memoir, and progress has begun.
11. Write a new screenplay.
Writing has commenced.
12. Write a musical.
Writing has commenced.
13. Submit at least five Op-Ed pieces to The New York Times for consideration.
Nothing submitted in July. Three submitted so far.
14. Write a proposal for a nonfiction book related to education.
No progress.
15. Submit one or more short stories to at least three publishing outlets.
No progress.
16. Select three behaviors that I am opposed to and adopt them for one week, then write about my experiences on the blog.
No progress. I'm still looking for possible behaviors to adopt. Suggestions welcomed.
17. Increase my author newsletter subscriber base to 2,000.
I added 23 subscribers added in July, and a total of 321 added in 2018. I'm 131 away from my goal.
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18. Write at least six letters to my father.
No letters written in August. Three letters written thus far.
19. Write 100 letters in 2018.
Four letters written and mailed in August, bringing my total to 48 in 2018.
20. Convert Greetings Little One into a book.
No progress.
21. Record one thing learned every week in 2018.
Done! My favorite from August, from the Numlock Newsletter:
An analysis of the front pockets in 80 pairs of blue jeans found that the pockets in women’s jeans are 48 percent shorter and 6.5 percent narrower than men’s jeans pockets. The average women’s jean pocket is 5.6 inches deep and 6 inches across, which on a temperate day could conceivably hold a pen that has a little flexibility, while the average men’s jean pocket is 9.1 inches down and 6.4 inches wide, which is literally large enough to comfortably hold an iPad mini.
STORYTELLING22. Produce a total of 12 Speak Up storytelling events.
Three shows produced in August: a showcase at the CT Historical Society, a showcase at Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health, and a solo show (with a guest appearance by Jeni Bonaldo) at Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health.
Our total number of shows stands at 9.
23. Deliver a TEDx Talk.
Done! I spoke at a TEDxNatick salon event in May.
24. Attend at least 15 Moth events with the intention of telling a story.
Two Moth StorySLAMs in August, bringing the total to 7 in 2018.
25. Win at least three Moth StorySLAMs.
A second and a third place finished in August. One victory back in February.
26. Win a Moth GrandSLAM.
Done twice over! I won my fifth GrandSLAM in February and my sixth GrandSLAM in April.
I'll be competing in another GrandSLAM in NYC in September.
27. Produce at least 25 episodes of our new podcast Speak Up Storytelling.
Episodes 1-15 are now now available wherever you get podcasts. The reception to the podcast has been excellent, and our audience is growing fast.
Subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, and please leave us a rating on Apple Podcasts.
C'mon, people.
28. Perform stand up at least four times in 2018.
Done!
I performed in three open-mic events while in Grand Rapids, Michigan, including one night when I was asked to perform a second set. This brings my total number of stand up performances in 2018 to 6, including one paid gig.
29. Pitch my solo show to at least one professional theater.
Done! I performed my solo show at The Tank as part of the Speak Up, Rise Up Storytelling Festival in NYC.
30. Pitch a new Moth Mainstage story to the artistic director of The Moth.
No progress.
NEW PROJECTS31. Write a syllabus for a college course on teaching.
No progress.
32. Cook at least 12 good meals (averaging one per month) in 2018.
No progress.
33. Plan a 25 year reunion of the Heavy Metal Playhouse.
No progress.
MISCELLANEOUS34. Pay allowance weekly.
Done!
35. Ride my bike with my kids at least 25 times in 2018.
Only six more rides in August , bringing the total to 11.
36. I will report on the content of speech during every locker room experience via social media in 2018.
Done. I spent 22 days at two different gyms in August, plus a locker room at a golf course, and I did not hear a single comment related to sexually assaulting women.
37. I will not comment, positively or negatively, about physical appearance of any person save my wife and children (except in service of a story while appearance is relevant), in 2018 in an effort to reduce the focus on physical appearance in our culture overall.
I did not speak of physical appearance with the exception of my wife and kids in August.
38. Surprise Elysha at least six times in 2018.
Done! I've surprised Elysha a total of nine times in 2018.
39. Replace the 12 ancient, energy-inefficient windows in our home with new windows that will keep the cold out and actually open in the warmer months.
I've received some more reasonable estimates for this project. It might actually be doable.
40. Clean the basement.
More than halfway done this job.
41. Set a new personal best in golf.
I played many rounds of golf in August, and I came within 4 strokes of my personal best.
I also played one round that was only four holes long due to aeration. I had three pars and a bogie for a total of 14. Technically my best score ever, but perhaps it should not count.
42. Play poker at least six times in 2018.
No poker in August. Just two games all year.
43. Spend at least six days with my best friend of more than 25 years.
A spent an evening working as a DJ with Bengi in August, bringing my total to three.
44. Post my progress in terms of these resolutions on this blog on the first day of every month.
Done.
August 31, 2018
The best and the worst come together in Times Square
Did you hear about the massive swarm of bees that descended upon Times Square earlier this week?
"Thousands of bees swarmed part of Times Square on Tuesday afternoon, sending tourists and passers-by scrambling before the bees settled on the cart of a very unhappy hot-dog vendor at 43rd Street and Broadway.
The mass of insects was so dense it weighed down sections of the stand’s umbrella.
The incident lasted all of an hour before the New York Police Department’s own beekeeping team vacuumed up the horde of honeybees and took them safely to a new location."
This story struck a particular chord with me.
I'm allergic to bees. They kill me dead if they sting me.
But hot dogs are my second favorite food item in the world, and one of my favorite things overall.
Bees and hot dogs. Friend and foe collide. A bizarre, incomprehensible combination of my favorite and least favorite things.
It almost feels as if the universe is winking at me. Or threatening me.
August 30, 2018
Storyworthy: The audiobook has arrived, narrated, perhaps unfortunately, by me
The audiobook for Storyworthy: Engage, Teach, Persuade, and Change Your Life Through the Power of Storytelling is now available for your downloading or compact disc pleasure, and for the first time, the book is narrated by me.
I'm afraid to listen.
After spending three days in a recording studio in Grand Haven, Michigan, misreading words, tripping over my own sentences, and finding many words impossible to pronounce, I'm worried that I might sound terrible.
The director and sound engineer were sitting in the adjacent room, of course, helping me correct my mistakes and trying to make me sound excellent, but still, I'm not a professional narrator, and my verbal limitations quickly became apparent.
Having grown up in the Boston area with a pronounced Boston accent, it turns out that 25 years later, remnants of that accent still remain and can be especially troublesome when perfect pronunciation is critical. The letter R is still hard for me depending on where it's placed in a word, and particularly when multiple words contain multiple R's fall one after the other.
And when an R and an L are combined in a word like "ruling" or "rolling," forget it. I can pronounce these words just fine when spoken independently, but attach them to other words, and the pronunciation falls apart.
Other words that I do not pronounce correctly include "middle," "little," "Hartford," "park," and "sixth."
And the word "horror?" Almost unpronounceable.
Despite these struggles, I managed to complete four days of planned recording in just two days, allowing me to come home early and surprise Elysha and the kids. After the plane landed, I made my way to the restaurant where I knew she was having dinner with a friend. Appearing two days early with flowers in my hand at the side of her table is a good way to surprise your wife.
Although I often felt incompetent and foolish in the recording studio, my director and sound engineer thought I did exceptionally well, and since we managed to finish well ahead of schedule, I was starting to believe them.
Then I made the mistake of asking to listen to one of the professional narrators in an adjacent studio. I couldn't see the narrator but only hear her through headphones. She sounded like an elderly British lady, performing alongside about half a dozen other narrators. But when the door opened and the narrator emerged, she turned out to be a 23 year-old woman with a flat, midwestern accent who is capable of sounding like almost anyone from anywhere.
These audiobook narrators are remarkably talented.
And my time in Michigan was not all spent alone in a soundproof booth.
I went swimming in Lake Michigan on one steamy afternoon. I ate the best salted caramel ice cream of my life. I saw three movies. I explored the area a lot. And I performed three standup sets at two different comedy clubs, including one night when the owner asked me to perform again after my first set.
I had to find ten more minutes of material in an hour, which actually worked well.
If you plan on listening to the book, I hope you enjoy. And I hope you'll forgive any of my imperfections. I tried like hell.
August 29, 2018
Donald Trump lost last night, and I won.
On July 11 of 2017, I was walking with half a dozen teenage girls across the quad at Miss Porter's School toward the dining hall. They were my camp counselors - Miss Porters' students who were helping me teach about 25 other girls from around the world about writing, speaking, and storytelling. We were heading to the dining hall in the waning sun of the late afternoon when I looked down at my phone and saw that Donald Trump had blocked me on Twitter.
I had sent a tweet at Donald Trump earlier that day that read:
Proposal: If you take healthcare away from 23 million Americans, you must also give up your healthcare until those Americans have coverage.
Less than a minute later, Trump tweeted and then blocked me. I was probably near the top of his feed at that moment. My tweet had received hundreds of likes and replies and had already been retweeted 30 times. I also have a verified Twitter account (the blue check mark), indicating that I am a personality of sorts and an actual human being, making my presence weightier on the platform.
I was so angry, "Damn it," I said. I couldn't believe that the President of the United States had stopped me from receiving what he had already said was "official statements:" from the White House. My pipeline to power had been cut off, and I was enraged.
One of the girls asked what was wrong, and I explained. Then they spontaneously burst into cheers and laughter, dancing around me, grabbing my hands and twisting me like a maypole. "I'm so proud of you," one of them shouted. "This is amazing," another one said. "You poked the beast!"
They turned that moment around for me pretty quickly.
In the spring of this year, I joined The Knight Foundation's lawsuit against Donald Trump in an attempt to force him to remove his block on my account. I joined 41 Twitter users, including several journalists and writer (who I adore) Bess Kalb, in this attempt after the Knight Foundation had already won their first case on behalf of seven other plaintiffs in May of this year.
Last night, on the eve before I begin my 20th year of teaching, I was finally unblocked by the President of the United States.
We won.
I immediately sent this tweet:
It's not much. I can read Donald Trump's tweets with ease and respond to him directly as I wish. Will he ever see my response?
Maybe. He's seen it before.
But it's not much. It won't help the families who have been separated at the border or the middle class families who are being fleeced by the Republican tax bill. It won't save the environment that is being plundered and destroyed by Republican deregulation. It won't restore America's standing on the world stage. it won't honor the legacy of John McCain or restore the rights of my LGBTQ friends.
It won't keep white nationalists and Nazis off our streets, and it won't bring Heather Heyer back to life.
But it's something. I agreed to stand up, make my name known, and stand in defiance to this ignorant, racist, self-dealing Presidency, and for a moment, Donald Trump was forced to capitulate. Stand down. Back off.
It felt good to know that a man who seeks authoritarian power and routinely ignores the rule of law was forced to do something he had previously refused to do. I played an infinitesimally small part in the course of his Presidency. For a moment, I made him do something he didn't want to do. I made him follow the rule of law.
I annoyed him.
It's not nearly enough. But add it to the marches that Elysha and I attend with our children, our donations to organizations like the ACLU, our support of political candidates who stand against this administration, our phone calls and letters, and most importantly, our votes, and maybe it's something.
Not enough on our own, but with enough of our fellow Americans standing alongside us, perhaps more than enough.
It also felt good, and that's important, too. In this age of Trump, it's hard to feel hopeless, helpless, and useless. It's easy to hear about the latest atrocity committed by the President and feel like our country is spiraling into an abyss. It's so easy to just give up.
Self care is important. Finding ways of doing good and feeling good are essential. This was one of those ways.
I was a participant in a lawsuit against the President of the United States, and we won.
I can't imagine a better start to my school year.
August 28, 2018
The worst
Nuclear weapons
Unannounced pickles placed on plates without warning or permission
The Trump Presidency
Dress codes
Identity theft
The second and third Matrix films
Dance school teachers who perform in their students' recitals
The end of summer vacation
Incarceration for minor drug offenses
Parents who disown their children for choices of spouse or religion
Semicolons
The gun show loophole
Off-brand Pop Tarts
This sign
Things that should not exist in this world.
August 27, 2018
Speak Up Storytelling #15: Roquita Johnson
Episode #15 of Speak Up Storytelling is now available for your listening pleasure.
Elysha Dicks and I talk about finding excellent stories in your everyday life using my strategy "Homework for Life," including moments that storytellers see but non-storytellers might not.
Then we listen to Roquita Johnson's story about finding her calling, followed by commentary and critique, including:
The components of an especially effective beginning to a storyOutstanding use of dialogue in storiesVariations in tonality"Seeing" your storyThe best moments to add description to a storyPreserving surprise in a storyThen we answer listener questions about becoming emotional while telling a story, the past and present tense, and how to pitch a story to Speak Up.
Lastly, we each offer a recommendation.
If you haven't subscribed to the podcast in Apple podcasts (or wherever you receive your podcasts), please do. And if you're not one of the 60 or so people to rate and/or review the podcast in Apple Podcasts (who are the best people ever), we would love it if you did.
Ratings and reviews help listeners find our podcast easier, and it makes us feel better about ourselves and our work.
August 26, 2018
Would you be more likely, less likely, or just as likely to marry your spouse today?
Interesting question posited by a friend recently:
Would you be more likely, less likely, or just as likely to marry your spouse if you met him or her for the first time today?
My friend believes that couples who were married when they were young would be less likely to marry their spouses if they met them today, because the person you are in your teens and twenties is oftentimes vastly different than who you are in your thirties and beyond.
This doesn't mean that these people don't still love their spouse and want to remain married. It just means that they would be slightly less likely to want to marry their spouse if they were going on their first date today because their spouse has changed so much over time.
I think she might be right.
"I thought I was marrying a reliable tax attorney who wanted three kids and a house on a quiet street. But since then, he's learned to play the drums and discovered a passion for death metal. Thanks to his band's rehearsals in our garage, the street isn't quiet anymore, and we have six children because he also discovered a love for babies, too. He wanted a dozen kids, but we compromised at half that."
You might still love the guy with all your heart, but if you met him today, you might think twice before marrying him.
It turns out that this is not an easy question to ask your spouse.
"Hey honey, if you met me for the first time today, would you be more likely, less likely, or just as likely to marry me as you were on our wedding day?"
The answer to this question could be disastrous.
Still, I asked Elysha. She gave me the best possible answer.
"I think I'd be more likely to marry you today. Though I don't know... I really, really wanted to marry you when we got married, too. I don't know."
Honestly the best possible answer. The best of both worlds. Spoken without calculation or consideration. Straight from the heart.
My heart soared. It's a moment I'll never forget.
For the record, my answer is that I would be more likely to marry Elysha if I met her today. Had you asked me this question on our wedding day, I would've said that I couldn't love a human being more.
But then we had children, and I was able to watch Elysha become a mother for the first time - a brilliant, beautiful mother - and I found a new and even deeper love that I could've never before imagined.
