Matthew Dicks's Blog, page 149
September 22, 2021
“Whistleblower” is probably unrealisitic
Two whistleblowers recently scored $114 million from the Securities and Exchange Commission, bringing the total amount paid out by the SEC whistleblower program over the past decade to over $1 billion.
Since the program was created in the Dodd-Frank Act in 2010, 207 whistleblowers have received between 10 to 30 percent of the fines levied against financial institutions in return for alerting the SEC about their firm’s illegal activities.
One of the two awardees got $110 million, which is the second-highest payout ever.
I never thought of “whistleblower” as a career, but it seems quite profitable and full of intrigue and excitement. Maybe even driven a little bit by spite.
My kind of job.
Then again, I have served as a de facto whistleblower at least three times in my life, and in all three cases, I was awarded exactly zero dollars for my services.
I maintain a running list of occupations that I would like to pursue if and when I stop being a teacher (or, let’s be honest, in addition to being a teacher), but I guess that adding whistleblower to that list is a little unrealistic, particularly given that I don’t currently work in finance.
That list, which was updated as recently as this past July, looks like this:
Behavioral economistBookstore ownerTherapistInstructional coachCamp directorCollege professorProductivity consultantFinancial analystCEO of The Boy Scouts of AmericaFirefighterFilmmakerNewspaper columnistPostal carrierCEO of The Girl Scouts of AmericaProfessional poker playerHot dog vendor at an MLB stadiumBartenderPsychologist
September 21, 2021
Ferris Bueller holds up. Except for the phones.
Here’s something no one tells you when you become a parent:
The day will come when you can show your children classic movies like Ferris Bueller’s Day Off for the first time, and you’ll spend at least half the time watching your children watch the movie and find that just as much enjoyment in that as the movie itself.
There will also come a day when you try to explain to your son how telephones with multiple lines worked back in the day and fail miserably.
By the way, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off is not the correct name for that film. Anyone who understands storytelling knows it should be titled Cameron Frye’s Awakening.
Alternately Jeanie Bueller’s Release.
September 19, 2021
Shortcomings and Flaws 2021
Years ago a reader accused me of being materialistic after I wrote about my lack of a single favorite number, specifically criticizing me for saying that when it comes to my salary, my favorite number is the largest number possible.
After properly refuting the charges of materialism, I acknowledged that I had plenty of other shortcomings and offered to list them in order to appease my angry reader. Then I did. Then I added to the list when friends suggested that I had forgotten a few.
Nice friends. Huh?
So began an annual tradition of posting my list of shortcomings and flaws, starting first in 2011 (the list only had 10 items that year), and continuing in 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.
I’m happy to report that although the list remains relatively long (26 items this year), I’m removing three items from the list.
I am a below average golfer (but showing rapid improvement this year).
I think I’m an average golfer now, despite the 11 I posted today on a par-4. My most frequent golfing partners agree.
I can form strong opinions about things that I possess a limited knowledge of and are inconsequential to me.
I’ve sort of reversed myself in this regard, disavowing any opinion on subjects that I don’t fully understand, including people. Criticize a celebrity for some personal situation, and I’ll suggest you know less than 1% of that person’s life and need to shut the hell up.
I leave my credit card at restaurants far too often.
The pandemic may have admittedly played a role in this. We eat in restaurants far less often.
I tried to remove these two from the list, thinking I’d made significant progress in these areas, but Elysha emphatically said no:
It is hard for me to empathize with adults with difficulties that I do not understand and/or are suffering with difficulties that I would have avoided entirely.
I have difficulty putting myself in another person’s shoes. Rather than attempting understand the person, I envision myself within their context and point out what I would’ve done instead.
Many additions were recommended for the list. One that I added was this:
I am far too confrontational in moments when it would be safer and wiser to avoid the confrontation entirely.
It was also suggested – somewhat in jest – that my lack of coffee and alcohol intake is a problem. It’s not.
With all of that, I present:
Matthew Dicks’s List of Shortcomings and Flaws – 20211. I have a limited, albeit expanding palate (though I’d like to stress that my limited palate is not by choice).
2. It is hard for me to empathize with adults with difficulties that I do not understand and/or are suffering with difficulties that I would have avoided entirely.
3. I have difficulty putting myself in another person’s shoes. Rather than attempting understand the person, I envision myself within their context and point out what I would’ve done instead.
4. I do many things for the sake of spite.
5. I have an unreasonable fear of needles (though my PTSD definitely plays a role in this).
6. I become angry and petulant when told what to wear.
7. Bees kill me dead.
8. I become sullen and inconsolable when the New England Patriots lose a football game that they should’ve won.
9. I lack adequate empathy for adults who are not resourceful or are easily overwhelmed.
10. I am unable to make the simplest of household or automobile repairs.
11. I eat ice cream too quickly.
12. I am uncomfortable and ineffective at haggling for a better price.
13. I am exceptionally hard on myself when I fail to reach a goal or meet a deadline that strikes me as reasonable.
14. Sharing food in restaurants annoys me.
15. I drink too much Diet Coke.
16. My dislike for ineffective, inefficient, or poorly planned meetings causes me to be unproductive, inattentive, and obstructionist at times.
17. Disorganization and clutter negatively impacts my mood, particularly when I cannot control the clutter myself
18. I am overly critical of my fellow storytellers, applying my own rules and standards to their performances.
19. I lack patience when it comes to assisting people with technology.
20. I don’t spend enough time with my best friend.
21. I have a difficult time respecting or celebrating someone’s accomplishments if economic privilege, nepotism, or legacy assisted in their success in some way.
22. I believe that there are right and wrong ways of parenting.
23. I love saying, “I told you so” so freaking much.
24. I wear my wireless headphones way too much.
25. My blog entries contain far too many typos, despite my loathing of typos.
26. I am far too confrontational in moments when it would be safer and wiser to avoid the confrontation entirely.
Bench
September 18, 2021
Rhythm is hard
You know that you’ve failed when you misspell a word so poorly that the recommended spelling is not only a word entirely different from the one you intended but also a word you’ve never seen before.
I wanted to write the word “rhythm.” Instead, I was offered this:
Pythiums: A destructive, root-parasitic fungi.
So I tried again, adding the letter H to my otherwise butchered spelling of the word. Once again, I was offered a word I didn’t know:
Rhenium: A rare silvery-white metal which occurs in trace amounts in ores of molybdenum and other metals.
When I told Elysha, who was sitting across from me, what had happened, she consoled me by saying that “rhythm” was a hard word to spell.
I agree wholeheartedly, but I couldn’t tell if she really believed it or was just trying to make her dumb husband feel better.
For the record, the word “accommodate” is also very challenging for me. When I click on that word for a spelling suggestion, I’m often offered nothing as an alternative, which tells you how far I’m off from the correct spelling.
It’s hard to be a writer.
September 17, 2021
Bowling ball
Stop what you’re doing and spend 150 seconds watching this. Spark a little joy in your day.
My favorites are tennis and archery. What are yours?
After watching, consider how relatively simple this video was to make.
Not the idea, of course. The idea is ingenious. The ability to push ahead and actually make the thing took determination and organization and probably a little relentlessness, too. Things don’t get made in this world without someone willing to force them into existence.
But the technical know-how and equipment required?
Almost anyone with a phone that records video could make something just as good.
And the ability to publish the video online for the world to see?
Entirely frictionless.
It has become exceedingly simple to make many things and share them with the world. Not everything, of course, but a hell of a lot more things are accessible to creators today than when I was a kid.
Had I wanted to made something like this even 20 years ago, I would’ve needed thousands of dollars in camera equipment, film, and the rental of an editing bay, plus the technical know-how to operate all of this equipment. Even then, when finally finished, there would’ve been no way for me to share my short film with the world.
With more computing power in your pocket than the astronauts had on the Apollo missions to the Moon, it would be a shame to waste it if you have a good idea.
That’s all you really need:
A good idea and the desire to bring it to fruition.
So if you have one… get to work.
September 16, 2021
Sinisterity
My friend, Shep, found a new word and sent it to me via email under the subject line, “Thinking of you.”
The word:
Sinisterity
PRONUNCIATION:
(sin-uh-STER-uh-tee)
MEANING:
noun:
1. Left-handedness.
2. Skillfulness in the use of the left hand.
3. Awkwardness or clumsiness.
4. Evilness, unluckiness, etc.
Kind of remarkable that all four definitions of the word nearly fit me like a glove.
It’s nice to know that your friends know you so well.
Two years ago, on the way to Shep’s house for a football game, I witnessed a violent motorcycle accident. When I arrived at his home and told him about the accident, his first response was, “Well, that’s going to trigger your PTSD for sure.”
He was right.
Even better, he knew.
You need friends like this in your life. People who know you nearly as well as you know yourself.
September 15, 2021
Have you seen Jogger John’s missing bike?
There’s nothing better than turning your bad news into something amusing, clever, and memorable for others.
This, in many ways, is the essence of a lot of great storytelling.
“Bad for you, good for the story” is a phrase I say to storytellers a lot.
I don’t know if Jogger John of Woodstock, New York, ever found his bike, but he brought a smile to my day, and he’s continued to pop into my mind from time to time since the day I first saw this sign weeks ago.
Well played, Jogger John, whoever you are.
September 14, 2021
They are always listening
The children are listening and learning all the time.
They are listening when you are absolutely sure that they are not.
They hear you when you say that someone is too fat or too skinny.
They hear you laugh at the clothing that someone is wearing.
They hear you complain about the public assistance that a family is rightfully receiving.
They hear you criticize the way your neighbor worships.
They hear you insult others for not acting or being like you.
Your negativity becomes their negativity.
Your anger becomes their anger.
Your cruelty becomes their cruelty.
Speak better so your child can be better.
September 13, 2021
I went to high school with large men
There are many variations when it comes to the elementary, middle, and high school model.
In our town, for example, our children attend elementary school from kindergarten through fourth grade, middle school from fifth through eighth grade, and high school from grades nine through twelve.
In the town where I teach, children attend elementary school from kindergarten through fifth grade, middle school from sixth through eighth grade, and high school from grades nine through twelve.
Sometimes a town has a junior high school. Sometimes not. Lots of options.
For the record, I think the town where I attended school as a child had the worst of these variations.
Elementary school was kindergarten through fourth grade, except for my class. Students were being tracked back then – separated by perceived ability level – so my class, which was populated by the students who were believed to have the most potential, went to middle school in fourth grade,.
Rather than moving onto a new school alongside my 100 or so classmates, just 20 of us ventured off to a new school.
And if your closest friends were in one of the three other classes that remained behind in elementary school?
You were out of luck. Welcome to a new school – the first new school of your life – absent any friends to support you.
This practice ended the year I went to middle school when the second middle school in town was condemned midway through the school year, sending us back to elementary school in order to make room for the middle schoolers from the condemned school.
You can just imagine how difficult a group of middle schoolers might be upon returning to their elementary school for a few months of substitute teachers.
But this wasn’t the worst part.
The worst was high school. Grades 7 through 12 attended my high school – Blackstone Millville Regional High School – which meant that I was a 12 year-old boy – a seventh grader – walking the halls alongside men with mustaches, muscle cars, and full time jobs.
Not the teachers. The students.
Juniors and seniors who looked like adults to me.
It was bizarre.
It also resulted in juniors and seniors dating eighth graders.
Not great.
Theoretically, the seventh and eighth graders took classes on the first floor, with the rest of the school populating the second floor, but this alleged system of separation was irrelevant. There was only one cafeteria, one gymnasium, and music room, and one locker room in the school. The science labs were all located on the second floor, as were the foreign language and technology classrooms.
There was also only one marching band, one cross country team, one track-and-field team, and so on.
There was no real separation.
I was marching in the band’s drum corp as a seventh grader, banging on my drum alongside seniors and juniors.
I was running the 100 and 200 meter dash alongside students six years older than me.
I was getting hazed and beaten up by kids at least twice my size. Bullied and harassed by kids who outweighed me by at 100 pounds. These were people old enough to vote who would graduate from college and launch their careers before I would even graduate from high school.
It wasn’t good.
Apparently I wasn’t the only one who thought this way. Back in 2003, the Frederick W. Hartnett Middle School opened, named after my elementary school principal and built on the street where I grew up, and the town realigned schools so that only grade 9 through 12 attended high school.
A much better, and a much safer way of educating students, I think.
