Matthew Dicks's Blog, page 148

Resolution update: September 2021

Every month I report the progress of my yearly goals in order to monitor progress (or the lack thereof) and hold myself accountable.  The following are the result from September 2021.PERSONAL FITNESS

1. Don’t die.

Alive and well. Hernia surgery scheduled for later this month so I’ll still be hurting for a while, but definitely not dead.

2. Lose 20 pounds.

Lost 2 pounds in September.

Unable to exercise with my hernia and back pain that has resulted from compensating for the hernia has made it a challenging month indeed.

Down 12 pounds in 2021.

3. Do at least 100 push-ups, 100 sit-ups, and 3 one-minute planks for five days a week.

All of these exercises needed to stop until I have my hernia surgery (and for 2-3 months after my surgery). It’s killing me.

Also, when I finally return to these exercises, they will be twice as difficult.

4. Cycle for at least 5 days every week.

Done. 20 rides in September – much shorter and gentler than usual – thanks to hernia and back pain.

5. Set a new personal best in golf.

Done! I shot a 44 for 9 holes at Rockledge Golf Course.

I also managed to shoot a 5-over-par 36 on a par 31 executive course. By far a personal best for that course.

WRITING CAREER

6. Complete my seventh novel before the end of 2021.

Progress continues on this novel, but there is a twist:

I wrote a memoir years ago about a summer spent playing golf, and this may be the next book we try to launch into the world, so I am getting my memoir into shape first.

Nevertheless, writing continues.

7. Complete Someday is Today before the end of 2021. 

Turning to my editor in 4 days!

8. Complete Storyworthy 2 before the end of 2021.

DONE! I sent the first draft of this book (it might be two books) to my agent for her review. Given that I finished another book on storytelling before the book I have under contract, I may need to wait a bit before we sell Storyworthy 2, but it looks promising.

9. Write/complete at least three new picture books, including one with a female, non-white protagonist, and one protagonist who is not neurotypical.

I’ve begun writing my first and second picture books of 2021, plus I have an idea for a third. One is nearly finished. The other is outlined. Excited about both. I plan to continue the work once Someday Is Today is off my hands.

10. Write 40,000 words of a memoir.

Progress! More than 12,000 words written!

11. Write a new screenplay.

Progress! I have a writing partner who is working on the first pass of The Other Mother, then I will parachute in and do a pass of my own.

12. Write a solo show.

Work continues in earnest. I haven’t met with my collaborators since March, but it’s simply I’m consumed with finishing Someday is Today. 

I did, however, review the show with a producer who offered a couple good notes and loves the idea.

13. Write a musical.

My partner, Kaia, has been working on the show while I finish my book. We will collaborate shortly.

14. Submit at least five Op-Ed pieces to The New York Times for consideration.

Two pieces submitted and rejected by the New York Times in 2021.

15. Submit one or more short stories to at least three publishing outlets.

No progress.

16. Select two behaviors that I am opposed to and adopt them for one week, then write about my experiences on the blog.

No progress.

I still need to write about my experiences with ASMR and my reading of 50 Shades of Grey from last year.

If you have suggestions on something I should try or adopt, please let me know.

17. Increase my newsletter subscriber base to 6,000 (from 4,497).

I added another 60 subscribers in June for a total of 4,996.

If you’d like to sign up for my newsletter, you can do so here:

18. Send a newsletter to readers at least 25 times (every other week). 

No newsletters sent in September. The book has taken precedence over everything else.

A total of 15 newsletters sent so far in 2021.

19. Write at least six letters to my father.

Two letters in total sent in 2021.

20. Write 100 letters in 2021.

A total of 2 letters written and sent in September.

A total of 68 so far in 2021.

21. Convert 365 Days of Elysha into a book.

I’ve passed this task onto my assistant, Kaia. Given that I have no eye for design, she will ultimately do a better job than I ever could.

22. Complete and release my limited episode podcast on “Twenty-One Truths About Love.”

DONE. Completed and published. You can listen to the five episode series in the Speak Up Storytelling feed.

STORYTELLING/SPEAKING CAREER

23. Produce a total of 6 Speak Up storytelling events.

Five shows so far in 2021.

We’ve also scheduled shows (depending on the pandemic) with the Wadsworth Atheneum, the Copper Beech Institute, Voices of Hope, and the Connecticut Historical Society for the fall.

24. Pitch myself to at least 3 upcoming TEDx events with the hopes of being accepted by one.

DONE! I pitched talks to TEDx events in New Haven, Boston University, and Salem University.

I await word.

I also delivered a talk at TEDx Berkshires on July 24. It went well.

25. Pitch myself to Master Class at least three times in 2021. 

One pitch made so far in 2021.

Anyone know anyone? Anyone have a thought about how I might get their attention? Anyone want to organize a Matthew Dicks rally outside of Master Class headquarters?

26. Attend at least 5 Moth events with the intention of telling a story.

DONE! I attended a live StorySLAM in September. My third live Moth event this year.

This brought my total to 11 events in 2021.

I’ll be attending another Moth StorySLAM in Boston in October.

27. Win at least one Moth StorySLAM.

DONE! I won my 53rd Moth StorySLAM in September in Boston.

I also won the story slam at the International Festival for Arts and Ideas in New Haven, Connecticut in June.

28. Win a Moth GrandSLAM.

DONE!

I won my seventh Moth GrandSLAM in May.

I9. Produce at least 25 episodes of our podcast Speak Up Storytelling.

No episodes recorded in September. My assistant, Kaia, is now editing the podcast, which will make things a little easier for us, but we still failed to record.

A total of 14 episodes so far in 2021.

30. Perform stand-up at least 3 times in 2021.

No progress, but my friend, David, has a solid 5-10 minutes of material and is ready to give standup a shot. As soon as open mics are running again, we’ll be there, ready to perform.

31. Pitch at least three stories to This American Life.

No progress.

32. Pitch myself to Marc Maron’s WTF podcast at least three times.

One pitch made so far in 2021.

33. Produce at least 12 new videos for my YouTube channel in 2021. 

No videos produced in September. One video so far in 2021. But I will be recording content for a new business that I am launching with a partner, so this may need to wait.

Also, my production assistant will be digitizing content on DVD’s that can be uploaded soon.

34. Explore a means of producing my storytelling instruction asynchronously for an online platform.

DONE! Partners found. Contracts signed. We are on our way!

HOME

35. Print, hang, and/or display at least 25 prints, photos, or portraits in our home.

Work has commenced! Elysha has hung three pieces of art in the living room. Much more to do, but it’s a start.

Someone is scheduled to come this month to assist Elysha.

36. Assemble an emergency preparedness kit.

DONE! I purchased a pre-packaged survival kit and have since been added needed items, including a seed kit, survival straws, emergency blankets, N-95 masks, duct tape, and some personal items.

37. Clear the basement.

Several items removed every week in September along with trash pickup.

Incrementalism at work.

FAMILY/FRIENDS

38. Call brother or sister once per week. 

My sister and I spoke on the phone once in September.

No calls to my brother.

39. Take at least one photo of my children every day.

Done!

40. Take at least one photo with Elysha and myself each week.

Only two photos taken with Elysha and myself in September.

41. Plan a reunion of the Heavy Metal Playhouse.

No progress, but an online reunion feels quite doable now.

42. I will not comment, positively or negatively, about physical appearance of any person save my wife and children, in 2021 in an effort to reduce the focus on physical appearance in our culture overall.

Done. Not even tempted to make a comment.

43. Surprise Elysha at least six times in 2021.

DONE!

Ten surprises so far.

In September, I sent a vase of flowers on the first day of school to Elysha and a second vase of flower for her students.

Also…

In January, I surprised Elysha by sending flowers to her while at work on her birthday. They were reportedly some of the best flowers she has ever received.

In February, I surprised Elysha with a Pusheen knit hat. It was actually a replacement hat after the one I purchased for her birthday did not fit.

In May, I sent Elysha some especially awesome flowers that caused her colleagues to comment repeatedly about the quality of the arrangement.

In May, I surprised Elysha with weekend plans on Martha’s Vineyard for our anniversary.

In June, I surprised Elysha with Springsteen on Broadway tickets.

Also in June, I sent a cleverly designed card to her school, timed to arrive during the last week of classes.

Also in June, I cleaned the litter boxes for her during her last week of school when things got busy. Having cleaned the litter boxes for out last two cats, she’s agreed that this chore is hers for these cats.

In July, I surprised Elysha with a pile of anniversary presents after we agreed that our trip to Martha’s Vineyard would be our gift to each other.

In August, I surprised Elysha by signing her up for the Pusheen Fan Club. Every three months she will receive a box filled with Pusheen paraphernalia. In August it was beach-themed.

44. Play poker at least six times in 2021.

Two games so far in 2021.

Three scheduled but cancelled games because of poor attendance.

45. Spend at least six days with my best friend of more than 30 years.

Bengi and I Dj’d a wedding in May.

One day spent in 2021 so far. But I’m trying.

NEW PROJECTS

46. Play music in class.

Done.

Springsteen, Aretha Franklin, Van Morrison, Queen, and Dolly Parton in September.

47. Learn to play the piano by practicing at least three times a week. 

Done.

I averaged a little more than 3 days of practice per week in September.

48. Convert our wedding video to a transferable format.

I’m passing this assignment off to Kaia. I’ve also been offered some suggestions from a friend.  Between the two…

49. Memorize 5 new poems.

I’ve memorized “The Road Not Taken” by Robert Frost. Admittedly I knew more than half of it before I began, and I will continue to need to reinforce it before I am sure that it’s committed to memory for good, but it’s essentially done.

I also memorized “Dust of Snow.”

I’m still working on “In Flanders Field” by John McCrae. For the sixth month. I thought I had it, but I don’t.

I’m also working on “Harlem,” “This Is Just to Say,” and “Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night.”

50. Write to at least 3 colleges about why they should hire me.

No progress.

51. Understand Instagram better.

No progress.

52. Complete my Eagle Scout project.

No progress.

53. Post my progress in terms of these resolutions on this blog and social media on the first day of every month.

Done. One day late because I wanted to post on the first day of school.

The Colbert Questionert

Fans of Stephen Colbert may be aware of the Colbert Questionert: “15 questions to cover the full spectrum of human experience”

After listening to Jon Stewart answer some of them last night, I decided to answer the questions for myself. Feel free to do the same. All but two answers came to me almost immediately, so it shouldn’t take too much time if you’d like to play along.
___________________________________

THE COLBERT QUESTIONERT

Best sandwich?
Hot dog
For the less enlightened who don’t consider a hot dog a sandwich, peanut butter and jelly

What’s one thing you own that you really should throw out?
My never-before-worn Jarrett Stidham jersey

What is the scariest animal?
Bees (I’m allergic)

Apples or oranges?
Apples, of course

Have you ever asked someone for their autograph?
Yes, Doug Flutie, Toys ‘R Us in Framingham, MA, 1986

What do you think happens when we die?
You cease to exist and people cry (and perhaps cheer depending on how awful you were)

Favorite action movie?
Die Hard

Favorite smell?
A diner at breakfast time

Least favorite smell?
Ranch salad dressing

Exercise: worth it?
Absolutely. Dumbest question on this questionert

Flat or sparkling?
Flat

Most used app on your phone?
Overcast (podcasting app)

You get one song to listen to for the rest of your life: what is it?
Thunder Road/Bruce Springsteen (a song with no chorus, by the way)

What number am I thinking of?
Ten trillion and two

Describe the rest of your life in 5 words?
I plan to live forever.

Bad open mic nights already exist, people.

It’s weird how Board of Education meetings have turned into bad open mic nights.

Right?

Just a month into the new school year, I’ve seen a video of woman in Florida claiming that the Moderna vaccine has magnetized her. I watched someone in Ohio argue that masks are causing children to suffer, and in some cases die, from carbon dioxide poisoning. A women in New York was screaming about masks permanently stealing children’s smiles and robbing them of their happiness.

Hilarious stuff. I can’t stop laughing at these people.

There’s also been a lot of pounding on lecterns, a fair amount of finger pointing, and some very questionable mic work.

You’re not supposed to shout into a microphone, people. Sort of defeats the purpose of the microphone.

I want to tell these poor souls that open mic nights already exist. I’ve performed in my share of them.

Bad open mic definitely exist. I’ve seen my share of them, too.

Why go to Town Hall on a Thursday night when they could be performing on an honest-to-goodness stage for a real audience? Maybe grab a plate of chicken wings and a beer, too. I promise you that these hilarious, misinformed looneys would fit right in. And depending on the night, they might just be some of the funniest people to take the stage.

Future comedians in the making.

Why can’t the anti-mask, anti-vax hooligans just grab a five minute slot on Wednesday night at Chuckles or Zanies and let our Boards of Education do their jobs keeping children safe?

The movie is just the beginning…

We watched the movie Holes last week.

Good movie. Much better book. I highly recommend it.

Charlie and Clara both loved the film.

The next morning, Charlie hopped onto his laptop and began researching yellow spotted lizards, rock formations named “God’s Thumb,” and the medicinal qualities of onions.

All critical elements of the movie.

Then he began building a replica of Camp Green Lake, the setting for the film, using Minecraft, while rewatching specific scenes for details. This included an analysis of the opening scene of the movie, which was admittedly confusing.

When I was a kid, we watched a movie once, then we went outside to play with sticks and throw rocks at each other.

These kids are so damn lucky.

 

Why my marching band was bizarre and amazing

A piece in Alpha Mom extolls the virtues of marching band.

I couldn’t agree more.

Just so we’re clear:

Competitive marching bands perform elaborate routines on football fields, typically during the halftime of football games, but also against other marching bands in competitive settings.

You may see a competitive marching band performing in a parade, but that is child’s play compared to what they do in competition.

I marched in my high school’s competitive marching band for six years, beginning in seventh grade. I played a variety of drums in the drum line because I had switched over from flute to bassoon when playing in orchestra, but you can’t play the bassoon while marching. So during marching band season, I needed a new instrument to play.

Drums were the easiest to learn.

During my six years with the band, we marched in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, The Rose Bowl Parade, and down Main Street in Disney Land. We performed the halftime show for the New England Patriots in Foxboro Stadium twice. We were Massachusetts state champions for all six years, and we won the New England championship twice.

My high school took the marching band very seriously.

They apparently still do. Amongst many other achievements, the Blackstone Millville marching band won the US Band National Championship in 2019.

Here’s the crazy thing:

When I was a member of the marching band, our school  didn’t  have a football team. We had no football field to practice on and no halftime show to perform. Instead, the main parking lot of the school was painted with football field line markers and cones were laid out so we could practice.

Bizarre. Right?

But Alpha Mom author Mir Kamin is right about marching band:

It’s great for kids.

I especially love that she mentioned the greatness of marching band directors. Our directors, Russ Arnold, Buddy Bibeault, and Tom Hessney, all apparently retired now, were absolutely committed to both music and the young people who they were teaching and leading.

Kamin lists four traits in every marching band director:

A love of musicA love of teenagers.An expectation of complete dedication.Zero tolerance for shenanigans

That is spot-on. Somehow those three men, plus a variety of other staff, took teenage boys and girls on dozens trips around the state, region, and country every year while maintaining constant discipline through an expectation of excellence and zero tolerance for any behavior that got in the way.

We didn’t fool around because we had an important job to do. We were constantly trying to be the best.

This didn’t mean we didn’t have fun. Back in my day, the final night of band camp ended with a staff-sanctioned shaving cream fight. We celebrated championships with late night parties at the homes of various band members. And there were traditions of hazing underclassmen that were hilarious, fun, and occasionally brutal, too.

Things that would never be allowed today.

But I learned discipline in marching band. I learned the importance of operating as a highly effective cog in a much larger machine. I learned how to take pride in learning and executing a new skill. And I learned how to work incredibly hard – both physically and mentally – without complaint.

The memories I have from my marching band days are seemingly endless. The stories could fill the pages of a book. So many joyful moments. So much laughter. Never0-ending camaraderie. Even a little tragedy.

When I was a teenager, I wished that my school had fielded a football team. We played tackle football – absent any pads – in the fields surrounding the school, and I loved every minute of those brutal, informal games. I loved to hit and loved being hit. Honestly, I still do. The last time I played flag football with my friends, I ended up with a concussion, and my friend Shep, walked off with broken ribs, courtesy of my head.

But looking back, it occurs to me that I couldn’t have done both. If my school had fielded a football team, I probably would’ve ended up playing on the football team and missing out on marching band.

I’m sure that playing football would’ve been amazing. I would’ve loved to hit and be hit every Friday night under the lights.

But would it have been better than marching band.

I’m not so sure.

I think that things maybe turned out just right for me.

My teenage self would punch me in the face for uttering such blasphemy given how much I wanted to play football back then, but I was a teenage boy who didn’t know very much but learned a hell of a lot marching with that band for those many years.

Ghosting sucks

Ghosting — the silent, unexplained method to ending relationships — can have negative consequences that result in internalized emotional conflict on both the person being ghosted and the ghoster, a Wesleyan study recently found.

In the short-term, ghosting may lead to internalized feelings of self-criticism and self-doubt, researcher Dr. Royette Dubar explained. Over time, these feelings may hinder the development of trust and vulnerability in future relationships, “which are key ingredients for developing intimacy.”

“Because ghosting does not provide any closure to the ghostee, it robs the individual of an opportunity to address any personal issues that may actually promote growth within that individual,” she explained.

Although the person committing the ghosting may not immediately feel negative consequences, ghosting prevents that individual from developing important interpersonal skills. “Ghosting may prevent someone from engaging in healthy conflict resolution. Thus, over time, serial ghosters may be stunted in their ability to develop intimacy in future relationships,” Dubar said.

For the record, I think people who end a relationship by ghosting are cowards and losers.

When I was a teenager, it was considered rude to call someone on the phone to break up. Breaking up required a face-to-face conversation. I liked this way of ending a relationship, It demanded certainty, specificity, and decency.

It wasn’t always easy, but it was always the right thing to do.

Admittedly, I haven’t ended a relationship in nearly 20 years, but every relationship prior to marrying Elysha was ended with a face-to-face conversation. A couple of those conversations were especially hard, but as I’m fond of saying, the right thing and the hard thing are almost always the same thing.

I realize that the world has changed since my teenage days. Email and texting have been added to our suite of communication tools, but I don’t think these methods are right for the job, either. Sending a text or email to end a relationship is certainly better than ghosting someone, but it’s still the coward’s way out.

If you can be eating a bowl of Chunky Monkey ice cream and watching Saturday Night Live while simultaneously ending your relationship via text message, you’re not ending the relationship properly.

A phone call, by today’s standards, is okay but not preferred. My teenage self would rail against this statement, but given the alternatives, it’s at least being done in real time.

Facetime and Zoom are slightly better. At least it’s face-to-face.

But if you have any dignity, decency, and courage,, you should end a relationship in person. Kindly, gently, and politely.

There will be some who say that ghosting is actually easier for both sides of the relationship. They will argue that a face-to-face meeting can be fraught with strong emotional responses, whereas a text message or even ghosting is easier on both parties. Some may even claim that using text messaging to end a relationship is the kindest way of doing so.

But they’re just fooling themselves. Concealing their cowardice in order to avoid the complex emotions that are supposed to happen when a relationship ends.

Ending a relationship isn’t supposed to be easy.

McRib is back

[image error] [image error]Masks are important, and I’m a big believer in original, clever, or an amusing signage, but joking about the McRib being back when it’s not actually back is not funny.

Don’t play with my emotions like that.

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Teachers who don’t do don’t know.

The problem with this English teacher is they presumed to know something they do not.

I don’t know a single author who would’ve responded differently to this student’s request.

Also, the teacher assigned a book report? Those dreadful things still exist? I once wrote an essay in high school entitled, “Thanks for ruining this great book by making me write a stupid book report.” To his credit, the teacher thought it was very funny.

Sadly, I was still required to write the book report.

All of this reminds me of Bruce McAllister, a sixteen-year-old high school student who, in 1963, sent a four-question mimeographed survey to 150 well-known authors of literary, commercial, and science fiction.

McAllister wanted to know if authors consciously planted symbols in their work.

It turns out that many of the authors put absolutely no thought into symbolism when writing their stories (myself included), even though English teachers and professors assumed otherwise and taught their books as if symbolism was a tool that the authors intentionally deployed.

This is a problem in many fields:

If you don’t engage in the craft, it’s hard to understand the craft.

I see this all the time. Teachers at almost any grade level, for example, teach their students how to write even though they are not writers themselves.

This is not to say that teachers need to become professional writers or published authors. They just need to be writers:

People who write fiction, poetry, memoir, essay, and the like on at least an occasional basis.

But instead of engaging meaningfully in the craft, teachers often teach their students by simply imagining what actual writers do or by using lessons in a curriculum often designed by people who only write lessons about teaching writing but do not actually write those things themselves.

See the problem?

If you want to teach writing, write. Write at least as often as you ask your students to write. Very quickly. you will discover what your students are experiencing and become a much more helpful and effective teacher.

The same goes for many things.

I have worked with directors on stories who have never actually told a story onstage before.

Not only can’t they understand the challenges of performing in front of hundreds of people, but they somehow think that they can understand storytelling from the sidelines. They think that analyzing and critiquing stories from the cheap seats somehow allows them to understand the rhythms, flow, cadences, and nuances of crafting a story for a live audience.

Unless you’ve actually performed onstage (and unless you are at least occasionally still performing onstage), you can’t hope to imagine the feel of a lengthy pause. You can’t begin to calculate the mathematics behind humor. You have no way of understanding the impact of an unexpected laugh, the internal panic of losing your place, or the tonality used to signal a shift in tone, location, time to an audience.

Still, some try. Instead, they could simply take the stage at an open mic and learn. They need not become a champion storyteller nor make it an every-day thing, but become a storyteller. Take the stage – any stage – three or four times per year, and do they thing that you presume to be able to teach.

Teach from experience.

I understand that this isn’t always possible.

A coach who has never played organized football because he couldn’t make a team can still learn to become an effective coach over time, but he will never really understand what it’s like to fight in the trenches. There are still aspects of the game that he will never comprehend.

But the barrier for many of these things are not especially difficult. The bar is low.

If you’re teaching writing, there is no excuse not to be writing yourself.

If you’re directing stories, there is no excuse for not stepping on stage every now and then at an open mic and telling a story yourself.

Would you want your child to learn piano from someone who has never played?

Would you take golf lessons from someone who doesn’t play the game?

Would Bob Ross have been equally trusted had he not been painting along with his viewers?

If you want to help someone with their craft, engage in the craft. Do the thing that you’re trying to teach.

And if you’ve been assigned a book report on any one of my novels, you can inform your teacher that Matt doesn’t approve.

And yes, you can use my first name.

You don’t get to have nice things.

Last week Howard Stern blasted unvaccinated Americans on his radio show, equating a vaccine mandate as “freedom to live.”

“We have no time for idiots in this country anymore, we don’t want you,” Howard Stern said on Monday’s broadcast. “Stay home, die there with your COVID. Don’t take the cure, but don’t clog up our hospitals with your COVID when you finally get it.”

ABC late-night host Jimmy Kimmel took a shot at unvaccinated Americans, saying they shouldn’t be admitted to ICU beds.

“Dr. Fauci said if hospitals get any more crowded, they’re going to have to make some very tough choices about who gets an ICU bed. That choice doesn’t seem so tough to me.”

In fairness, critical cancer treatments are being cancelled at hospitals in low vaccination regions because of the surge of unvaccinated COVID cases. At least two cardiac patients have died after being unable to find a hospital with capacity.

So maybe Kimmel is right.

Broadway is reopening at last, but every theater on The Great White Way requires proof of vaccination and, at least for the time being, a face covering.

Four NFL: stadiums require proof of vaccination to enter, as do a dozen college football stadiums.

Comedian and actor Patton Oswalt canceled his upcoming tour dates in Florida and Salt Lake City because the venues would not comply with his request that attendees either show proof of full vaccination or a negative COVID-19 test.

Oswalt told fans in an Instagram video that he made the requests to protect people coming to his “Patton Oswalt Live: Who’s Ready To Laugh?” tour.

“The good news is we’re keeping everyone who comes to these shows safe and healthy because the numbers are going up,” he said last Wednesday. “Now the bad news, of course, is there are five venues on the tour that are not complying with this. I have an ego but my ego is not big enough to think that people should die to hear my stupid comedy.”

An Alaska lawmaker who is banned from flying on the state’s leading airline for refusing to wear a mask was excused from attending floor votes for the rest of the year after telling legislative leaders she has no way of flying to and from the state capital.

I tend to think that listening, empathy, and respectful communication are the best ways to get someone to change their mind about anything, but every minute that we wait for the unvaccinated minority to change their minds, more people die.

Worst of all, fully vaccinated Americans in need of critical care are being turned away because hospitals in certain regions of the country are at or near capacity because of unvaccinated COVID patients.

Americans who have done their patriotic duty to protect others by getting vaccinated are dying because the unvaccinated are filling are hospitals.

There comes a time when listening and empathy aren’t working.

Perhaps if the unvaccinated and unmasked can’t fly on airplanes or attend a show or listen to the radio without someone as popular and far reaching as Howard Stern berating them for their selfishness and stupidity, they may decide to get the damn shot, like billions of people around the globe have already done.

I doubt it, but at this point, I think we should try anything. It’s time to bring this pandemic to an end.

If you don’t get vaccinated, maybe you just don’t get to have nice things.

“Whistleblower” is probably unrealisitic

Two whistleblowers recently scored $114 million from the Securities and Exchange Commission, bringing the total amount paid out by the SEC whistleblower program over the past decade to over $1 billion.

Since the program was created in the Dodd-Frank Act in 2010, 207 whistleblowers have received between 10 to 30 percent of the fines levied against financial institutions in return for alerting the SEC about their firm’s illegal activities.

One of the two awardees got $110 million, which is the second-highest payout ever.

I never thought of “whistleblower” as a career, but it seems quite profitable and full of intrigue and excitement. Maybe even driven a little bit by spite.

My kind of job.

Then again, I have served as a de facto whistleblower at least three times in my life, and in all three cases, I was awarded exactly zero dollars for my services.

I maintain a running list of occupations that I would like to pursue if and when I stop being a teacher (or, let’s be honest, in addition to being a teacher), but I guess that adding whistleblower to that list is a little unrealistic, particularly given that I don’t currently work in finance.

That list, which was updated as recently as this past July, looks like this:

Behavioral economistBookstore ownerTherapistInstructional coachCamp directorCollege professorProductivity consultantFinancial analystCEO of The Boy Scouts of AmericaFirefighterFilmmakerNewspaper columnistPostal carrierCEO of The Girl Scouts of AmericaProfessional poker playerHot dog vendor at an MLB stadiumBartenderPsychologist