Dawn Potter's Blog, page 7

The big news around here is that Little Chuck's gut is sh...

The big news around here is that Little Chuck's gut is showing signs of improvement. I can't help but think of the scene, late in War and Peace, when Natasha rushes out to tell her family that her baby's stool has turned from green to yellow. "This is the central moment of the novel!" crowed my college instructor, as various future Wall Streeters and med students stared at him in confusion. None of us (except for the teacher) knew anything about babies, so it's no wonder they were perplexed. Yet I do remember the surge of joy I felt . . . that such a scene could be central, that a dirty diaper could be the pivot of the universe. It was a fine thing for a twenty-year-old to learn.

I'll be working for much of today and tomorrow, leading a zoom class on reading, writing, and re-seeing persona poems. I hope that Chuck will manage to leave me alone, but I am not confident. Presently he is full of breakfast and is companionably curled up on the pillow behind my shoulder, but this sort of Hallmark-card behavior is always extremely temporary.

I've had to take a small break from To the Lighthouse because, like the characters, like the novelist, I am always devastated when Mrs. Ramsay suddenly dies, mid-tale. It never stops being a shock. Instead, I've started looking at Trust, a novel by Cynthia Ozick, which a friend recommended. I know I'll get back to the Woolf, probably very soon, but that death is one of the hardest in literature.

Maybe Petya's, in War and Peace, is as terrible. Maybe the drowning of Maggie in The Mill on the Floss.

Little Chuck is patting my cheek with a paw and purring to beat the band. He argues that he is nothing like death, but I have already lost Ruckus and Ray and my nation this year, so I know better. Still, I let myself believe in this foolish, spiky, four-pound ball of wiggle. "Rules for happiness; something to do, someone to love, something to hope for," wrote Kant, of all people. Perhaps he had just seen his child's dirty diaper. Perhaps he was grinning.

***

On another note: speaking of persona poems, I've got a new one out in the Hole in the Head Review, alongside work by my dear Betsy Sholl. 

Little Chuck loves to sit on my hands as I type this not...

 Little Chuck loves to sit on my hands as I type this note to you. After a night of sleeping, he is ready for pal time, and climbs aboard enthusiastically--purring, wiggling, rubbing his nose all over the keyboard, and manhandling my spelling. Admittedly he is as cute as a button while he's destroying my sentences. [Cute as a button is one of my favorite cliches. Buttons are definitely pretty cute.]

It's Friday, and I'll be working all weekend, so I'll likely let myself play today. Yesterday, amid my chores, I worked on a couple of poem drafts, read To the Lighthouse, and prayed for rain (to little avail). Today I absolutely have to clean the piles of books off my desk and arrange my study for a weekend of zooming, but I'll also go for a walk and I'll keep mucking around with my stuff . . . work on a set of poems that borrows lines from Whitman and Woolf, fetch a book from the library around the corner, wrestle with this silly kitten. I think the weather will be cooler, so maybe I can even spend some time in the garden, though the dryness is depressing.

Teresa had a dream that Ruckus came back from the underworld to remind Chuck of how to behave. Ruckus himself always behaved badly in real life, and would certainly have clobbered Chuck as soon he caught sight of him, so this is definitely a fictional scenario, not a mythical message. But isn't it funny that my friend, far away in Florida, dreamed about my cats? She's never even met Chuck.

Well, I must say goodbye and go gather up the recycling for the curb, and empty the messy litterbox, and wash the breakfast dishes, and throw a load of laundry into the machine, and otherwise enact my house persona. I am thinking of Mrs. Ramsey, in To the Lighthouse--her entire life wrapped up in service to others, believing fervently that this was the best possible life for a woman . . . and yet her interior world, her tidal reflections, her fierce privacy. 

Last night, at the ballgame, the temperature finally sett...

Last night, at the ballgame, the temperature finally settled into something like sweetness, but this morning the air is sticky and dense and ominous. Let's hope it really does lead to thunderstorms. We need rain desperately.

Teresa and I talked yesterday afternoon about Whitman, and both of us were infatuated. Though I've read these poems many, many times before, somehow, on this go-round with "Crossing Brooklyn Ferry" and "Out of the Cradle Endlessly Rocking," I was gobsmacked. "Brooklyn Ferry" especially . . . I felt like I needed to find a way to bring the poem into my body . . .  like I wanted to eat it. What a poem. What a mind. How lucky are we, as humans, to have this artifact of ourselves?

Hey, you should read that poem again. You really should.

I've started pecking away at a small unsatisfactory draft of my own (but perhaps everything would have been unsatisfactory after living inside "Brooklyn Ferry"). And I've finished rereading Murdoch's The Green Knight (also a very good book) and have started rereading Woolf's To the Lighthouse. Today will be housework day, and evening poetry day, and go-pick-up-Chuck's-medicine day--he's been diagnosed with giardia, poor boy, probably picked up from contaminated water in his birthplace. Sounds like it should be a reasonably easy fix, thank goodness, but of course medicating a cat is always an ordeal.

And rain rain rain rain rain rain rain rain. If you know any spells or incantations, please invoke them ASAP.

I opened the windows this morning, though I will likely h...

I opened the windows this morning, though I will likely have to close them again before long. Still, it is a relief, even if fleeting, to listen to cardinals pewing and crows cawing and jays squawking and to feel real live air sifting through the screens instead of being boxed up with a/c roar and wind.
Gray first light. Quiet, except for bird clatter. Yesterday I finished working through my stack of poetry manuscripts, wrote out my responses, had a phone meeting with a man who wants to hire me to help him put together an essay manuscript, took Chuck to the vet, watered the garden, made chicken and rice and cucumber salad for dinner. Chuck was, of course, a star at the vet. There's nothing like a friendly lively kitten to make an entire staff of vet techs go soft and googly-eyed. He weighs just over four pounds, small for his age, and he's got some kind of gut issue that has yet to be diagnosed (results should be in today), but he's clearly sparkly and mischievous and he eats well, so once we get that worm or giardia or bacterial issue resolved, he should start gaining weight normally. The vet seems confident, so I will be too. The poor guy had a hard start. It's amazing how well he's doing now, given the conditions he was born into.
This morning I'll go out for my walk before the heat kicks in again, and then I'll turn to my own work: look at poems, maybe apply for a grant, maybe submit a few things, perhaps even consider whether I should start imagining a new collection. This afternoon Teresa and I are going to talk about Whitman, and I'm hoping I'll have to pick up Chuck's prescription, and then this evening I'll meet a friend for a Sea Dogs game. A summer day--poems and birds and baseball. And tomorrow, rain? What a gift that would be.

The weather has returned to torrid. The thermometer hit 9...

The weather has returned to torrid. The thermometer hit 90 yesterday and will likely do the same today; maybe tomorrow as well. Fortunately the house is small enough for our one small a/c unit to keep the humidity in check. You know I hate running it, but on these kinds of days it's a boon.

So after my first-thing-in-the-morning walk, I spent much of yesterday comfortably ensconced on the couch: reading a poetry manuscript, working on meeting plans, and periodically dipping back into Murdoch's The Green Knight. Then, in the afternoon, I had a zoom meeting about 2026 teaching conference plans and about a residency in Sarasota that Teresa is cooking up--a week in March for working on a collaborative performance. Right now my March schedule looks crazy--a mad press of teaching in Monson, flying to Florida, flying back from Florida, driving to Bangor for the MCELA event, teaching in Monson--but it's so far away that I can pretend my eyes won't be popping out of my head.

Hey, by the way, save the dates for that 2026 conference: July 5-12!

Today: more manuscript reading, more garden watering, more planning of various sorts, plus Little Chuck goes to the vet. I've been immersed in Murdoch's novel, thinking again about how I've struggled to write about her work . . . I think it always feels too smart for me; I don't know how to speak about the philosophical underpinnings, just about the melodrama and the swirl of characters and the inevitability of error.

Last night, as I was texting with various of my young peo...

Last night, as I was texting with various of my young people, I was thinking, What larks!--a catchphrase from Dickens's Great Expectations--what sweet Joe says to his wife's young brother, Pip, whenever they find a bit of happiness together. One of my young people was in Niagara to see the falls and marvel in the kitsch; another was beaming in a wedding gown. Both were excited, and I felt so lucky to be chattering away with them and enjoying their glee. Thank goodness for these sweethearts in my life.

And now it is morning. The summer air is as thick and warm as ever, yet it's freighted with darkness, that inexorable reminder of winter. I need to think about moving firewood into the basement. I need to think about dry-cleaning winter coats. But then the sun opens its eyes and the heat starts to build and I forget about autumn for another day.

With the big editing project off my desk, I'm turning my attention to other tasks this week. I've got two poetry manuscripts to study and comment on; I need to prep for next weekend's class; I have to attend various meetings; Little Chuck goes to the vet. Undoubtedly my calendar is scrawled with a host of other reminders too. But in and among these chores I should find a bit of space to myself: to linger idly at the windows, to hum and putter; to write and read, to dream.

This was our view yesterday evening from the ferry dock o...

This was our view yesterday evening from the ferry dock on Chebeague Island. Just a few miles away the city waterfront bustles with lights and cars and restaurant goers and buskers and sorrowful lonely men on benches. Meanwhile the sun sets and the full moon tarries out of sight, waiting for its hour, when it will settle above the horizon, as round and golden as an apricot.
I was tired by the time we got home. After a night of little sleep, I'd labored all morning in the sun, wrestling with fencing and stakes to create (I hope) at least a few groundhog-free zones in my poor damaged garden. Now the raised beds are surrounded with netting, the okra and beans are fenced, and I've transplanted kale, lettuce, carrots, and herbs into some of the protected areas, leaving the rest to fend for themselves and/or distract the groundhogs. I've still got lots of vulnerable plants, but maybe I can save these few. The project took hours, and then I quickly cleaned myself up and we embarked on our afternoon outing: crowded boats, a lot of walking . . . ordinarily all fine and fun, but by late in the day my energy was flagging.
Fortunately all of that outdoorsiness led to a good night's sleep, and I'm glad to be sitting here idly with a purring Little Chuck, who has already created a giant mess in his litterbox this morning (perhaps in is the wrong word) and is now unrepentantly cozy on my lap.
Today will be quiet, I think. I need to go to the grocery store at some point, and probably I'll mess around with some yard and house things, but nothing as extravagant as yesterday's groundhog barricades. I've got a busy week ahead and I'll be teaching all next weekend, so I'm happy to have an unstructured today. Summer is slipping by . . .

Thank goodness it's Saturday and I can get a bit of a la...

 Thank goodness it's Saturday and I can get a bit of a late start this morning. At 1 a.m. I woke up in a stupid brain panic over nothing so had to come downstairs to the living room couch and try to distract myself for a couple of hours before I could finally succumb. Fortunately Little Chuck, unlike Ruckus, is not an alarm clock with teeth but merely a friendly breakfast suggester. So I was able to pet him into submission while dozing a little longer.

This morning I've got to take steps to deal with groundhog defense. The damage is getting extreme, and I am downhearted. So I'm going to do some transplanting and construct a few barriers from existing materials and hope I can salvage at least a few of my crops.

But in the afternoon T and I plan to embark on an adventure--take a ferry out to Chebeague Island and then walk across the sandbar to uninhabited Little Chebeague and wander the trails and beaches for a few hours while the tide is out, then catch an evening ferry back to the city. This will be Little Chuck's longest experience at home alone, but I think he's ready to try . . . We've got to get him into training before I go back to my Monson schedule.

What else is new? Let me think. I had a lovely lunch yesterday with my friend Rebekah, visiting east from California. I met her via one of my manuscript classes, and since then she's had a chapbook published--the best possible outcome. It was a delight to meet in person after all this time. And the Maine Council for English Language Arts has invited me to be their featured presenter at their annual poetry night, which will take place in March on the night before their convention proper begins. I'll be at Penobscot Theater in Bangor, in front of a big crowd of English teachers from around the state, with 90 minutes on stage to use for a mix of writing prompts, conversation, and a reading. It feels like a big deal, and I'm excited.

And then there's wedding stuff. The event isn't till next Labor Day weekend, but my sister and I have been having an amusing time combing this year's end-of-season online sales together, looking at dresses and shoes, and now we have ordered the exact same pair of shoes for the occasion, which is amusing us greatly. The hunt for comfortable dressy sandals with a little heel that can make aging women feel fancy without killing themselves: it's a challenge, and we are having a fun and silly time together. It's so nice to be frivolous with my sister.

Yesterday I worked on a poem, read Whitman, read Murdoch, and made rigatoni with ground lamb, zucchini, garlic, cream, parmesan, and a ton of basil. I listened to the Yankees lose to the Astros. I cleaned Chuck's litterbox three times. (Oy.) I talked to my canoe boy on the phone and heard all about his thrilling trip through the Dumoine River's whitewater. I beat Tom soundly at cribbage. And August sang its cricket song--a ballad, an elegy, a thin dry voice piping into pale and hazy air.

I did finish that editing project yesterday, and also man...

I did finish that editing project yesterday, and also managed to finish my weekly housework chores, so today is all mine, all mine. I'll go for a walk early, then work on a poem draft and my Whitman homework. I've got a lunch date, and then I'll go back to reading, garden a little, figure out something for dinner . . . who knows?--maybe I'll even nap, maybe I'll even sing.

I love the prospect of day filled with who knows? Chuck and I will rattle around our little house together like marbles dropping into a glass bowl, each private life clicking gently against the other. He will chase a leaf. I will turn a page.

Little Chuck is rolling around on my hands, squirming up ...

Little Chuck is rolling around on my hands, squirming up to kiss my chin, and otherwise interfering greatly in all coherent thought. So, good morning! I have no ideas other than kitten!
**
Now, a minute or so later, he seems to have settled down to a low roar, and I am able to snag three more ideas: the deliciousness of hot black coffee on a coolish summer morning; a cardinal singing in the stagnant maples; the pleasure of having a stack of books to read.
I didn't finish the editing project yesterday, but that's because I was talking to Jeannie and Teresa for two hours about the poems of Patricia Smith, our favorite Virginia Woolf novels, the excitement of this year's teaching conference, and I would remember more if Chuck weren't trying to put his paws into my mouth (ick). Suffice it to say, it was exciting and synapse-triggering, as these conversations usually are, and it made me feel as if I'm not really as dumb as I've been feeling lately.
Today I have to return to the land of slog, but at least I'll get to go out to write tonight. And about that stack of books I mentioned: Teresa, Jeannie, and I are going to reread To the Lighthouse together. I've been talking to my friend Janet about Charlotte Bronte, and I've got a Whitman project underway, and I'm currently rereading Iris Murdoch's The Green Knight, and yesterday in a little free library around the corner I found Clarence Major's anthology Calling the Wind: Twentieth-Century African-American Short Stories. How I love books!
Now the coffee cup is empty and the cardinal is silent, but the books are piled up around me like birthday gifts, each a mystery eager to be opened . . . always a mystery, even when I think I know what's inside.