Dawn Potter's Blog, page 4

Yesterday was a fine day for driving down to the wharf--w...

Yesterday was a fine day for driving down to the wharf--window open, singing along to Springsteen's Rosalita, paddling my left arm in the breeze. And it was a fine day for finding a parking place, a fine day for bringing home a treat. I spent just over $50 on four meals (three with leftovers) for two people. Whole Atlantic mackerel, as always, is a fabulous deal, and I also bought a pound of chowder mix--bits of cod, sole, flounder, hake. I stowed both in the freezer for later. But for tonight I bought Scottish salmon (not cheap but not ridiculous), and for last night I bought two soft-shell lobsters on sale. So we enjoyed a big Sunday-night feast: boiled lobster, melted butter, freshly baked bread, a green bean and cherry tomato salad, apple cake for dessert.
During the day I spent some time working on an essay for Poetry Lab Notes, the (maybe) name of the future Substack journal I'm designing with Jeannie and Teresa. I picked beans, tomatoes, and cucumbers. I watered the backyard gardens. I kept track of the Bills score. I read Arundel. I baked a couple of loaves of bread. It was a mild puttery day, and I'm sorry it ended so soon.
This week will be busy. I need to buckle down and get myself prepped for next week's high school opener. We've got a load of green firewood arriving, so I'll be back to wood hauling soon. I have to finish reading Brigit Kelly's The Orchard. I should start reading Baron's manuscript. Probably my calendar is scribbled with a passel of other obligations that I'm not instantly remembering.
For me, this is the last week of summer. The rest of the teachers have long been back in school, but I've had this extra month, and it's been sweet. So despite whatever is yammering at me on my calendar, I want to cling to that ease, even if only to stand idly at a window, to walk idly through the woods.

In unheard-of news, young Charles has allowed me to sleep...

In unheard-of news, young Charles has allowed me to sleep past 5 a.m. two days in a row . . . well, not really sleep, though he I did let me lie on my back in a semi-dozy state while he sat purring on my sternum, now and then leaning forward to press his cheek romantically against mine.

But all semi-tolerable positions come to an end, and at this moment Chuck is crunching up his breakfast chow and I am drinking black coffee in my couch corner, and gray flat dawnlight is carving seams into the neighbors' vinyl siding. A robin bursts into complaint, then hushes. Crickets squeak squeak squeak squeak, without cease, without variation.

Yesterday I tore out one of my tomato plants, which was yellowing, and pruned the rest so that the remaining green fruit might have a better chance of ripening on the vines. But probably this year will be like all the others, and I'll soon be decorating the dining and living rooms with bushel baskets of green tomatoes. I did make a batch of sauce yesterday, and a batch of pesto, all of which went into the freezer. I also baked a caramelized apple cake, which we never ended up tasting because we decided to go out for German food and overstuffed ourselves with sauerbraten and potatoes and spaetzle.

During the day I worked for a few hours on Substack formatting, and now I know how to basically manage the platform and have drafted some sample entries to share with Teresa and Jeannie. I read Kenneth Roberts's Arundel, and I listened to the Sox lose to the Yankees. I watered the garden and harvested hydrangeas for drying. I did laundry and dealt with a kitten litterbox mistake and won a game of cribbage and lost a game of Yahtzee. I whipped through a couple of New York Times Sunday crossword puzzles. I was constantly busy with something or other, but in a desultory, semi-vacation, semi-homesteader, semi-bellelettrist sort of way. There are worse ways to spend a Saturday.

Today will likely be more of the same. I want to take a trip to the fish market so I can restock our freezer. I might bake bread. I should prune the faded blooms on the dahlias, coneflowers, and marigolds. Maybe I should run the trimmer along the edges of the browning grass. I'd like to cut fresh bouquets for the mantle. Little chores, none of them crucial . . . and yet as Angela and Carlene suggested in their comments on yesterday's post, our small busyness is life's embrace.

As always, an afternoon with Jeannie and Teresa makes me ...

As always, an afternoon with Jeannie and Teresa makes me feel as if, maybe, possibly, I am doing the work I ought to be doing. What a gift it is to have such minds in my life, not to mention the model of their commitment, their persistence, the sheer hard work they do, day in and out. Of course, they can still (inadvertently) make me feel like a dilettante. Oh, Dawn, she's the one rereading Kidnapped and watching Mary Tyler Moore reruns. Meanwhile, Teresa and Jeannie discuss brain chemistry and Thomas Mann.

We are beginning to cogitate about bringing some of the work we've been doing privately into a more public sphere, possibly through a shared Substack journal that would include commentary about our conversations and readings as well as poems we've written under one another's influence. So that's another thing to add to my to-do list: figure out the details of the platform and discover if it might possibly work for us.

One interesting element of yesterday's conversation concerned publishing. We discovered that all of us, over the past few years, have significantly reduced our engagement in journal submissions. In some cases, that's because journals that once reliably took our work no longer publish (Gettysburg Review, Scoundrel Time). Sometimes new editors have changed a journal's focus and our work is no longer of interest (Sewanee Review). Print-only journals have almost no circulation, so publishing in them can feel like graveyard work.

But as Jeannie also pointed out, at this stage in our lives, the three of us don't need journal publication to pad our resumes or comfort our egos. It's only purpose is to give us a public voice, so why not create a place where we can do that for ourselves, in our own way?

It's okay if you tell me I need another unwieldy project like I need a kick in the head. I know I'm already overloaded. Soon I'll be on the road teaching high schoolers. I've got an online class on the long poem to design. I'm editing academic texts. I'm writing my own poems. I'm researching for a big collaborative performance with the Monson Arts conference faculty. I'm mulling a new collection. I've got to write a giant critical essay about Baron's oeuvre. I have homestead chores. I have fragile parents who live five hours away from me. I'm raising a lively kitten with gastrointestinal trouble. My kid is getting married next summer. I'm turning 61 in less than a month.

All I can say in my defense is that being around brilliant, curious, warm-hearted people is energizing. I spent my apprentice years largely alone as a writer, and now I am basking in a community of poets and other artists. I scrabbled across an ice floe and fell into a warm bright sea. 

Yesterday was a surprisingly warm day, and this morning t...

Yesterday was a surprisingly warm day, and this morning the mildness lingers, though today's temperatures aren't supposed to rise out of the mid-sixties. Little Chuck sits next to me beside the open window, washing his face. Last night he and Tom enjoyed boy time together, while I was out writing, and then both beamed at me when I walked through the door. How he worms his way into our affections, despite our broken Ruckus hearts. Oh, these little souls.

I wrote two poem-blurts last night: one a hideous mess that I won't revisit, but the other might be real. This morning, after I deal with recycling and dishes and laundry and my mat exercises, I'll see what daylight says about it. I do hope it's a poem. Writing has been so hard for me lately.

This afternoon Teresa and Jeannie and I will meet to talk about To the Lighthouse and Nevermore and Ruden's I Am the Arrow. We always share a recent draft or two, and I think maybe one of the ones I'll be sharing is all right. But writing has been so difficult for me that I barely trust myself.

I know this will pass; it always does. And I am dogged. I always plow straight through my dry fields, kicking up dust. 

In the cemetery, one of my favorite gravestones reads Homemaker. Drummer. Maybe on mine someone will etch Mule. Poet.

Yesterday I did a thing I've never done before: I signed ...

Yesterday I did a thing I've never done before: I signed us up for an autumn farm share--six weeks' worth of local organic vegetables, which I can pick up at a delivery point on my own street. As a recovering homesteader, I of course feel weird about this. But my garden was wretched, I won't have much to process for the freezer, and it turns out that the cost of the CSA is probably less than I would spend at the grocery store. It's certainly no more, and we'll be supporting a local farmer and eating interesting food. If we like it, I'll sign us up for a winter share.
I'm trying to think of the CSA as I think of the freezer lamb we buy every winter: a sensible way to acquire high-quality food, support farmers, and save a little money by buying in bulk. But for a gardener, it does feel like a come-down. Ah, well. You'd think after a nearly a decade in this city, I'd have conquered my woodsy snobberies. But they linger.
Today is housework day, and going-out-to-write evening, and this afternoon I've got a zoom meeting with Monson staff about the conference scholarship program. Here's hoping we can come up with a good plan for filling that hole. If you can donate, in any amount, we'd so appreciate that. But we're also trying to figure out ways to guarantee a regular and predictable scholarship fund, given the implosion of public support.
I drove to mall land yesterday, not a favorite activity, and bought new pillows for our bed as ours had reached lump stage and I kept waking up with a stiff neck. And I bought another pair of jeans in the new smaller size I now magically seem to be. Yes, it's school-clothes season: new jeans, new boots, new Goodwill leather jacket. Add loud earrings and maybe some lipstick, and I am all ready to put on my high school show. I might as well be cheerful and vivid because, no matter what, I'm still going to look like I'm 60 years old.
[You notice I haven't mentioned yesterday's assassination yet? You notice how impossible it's becoming to condemn violence while also noting that the man who was killed encouraged this exact same violence as long as it was inflicted on people he didn't care about? You notice how we can't talk about irony? You notice how we can't talk about truth?]

Another morning in the 40s, with highs not forecast to ge...

Another morning in the 40s, with highs not forecast to get out of the low 60s. It really is fall; and though I'm often elegiac about summer, this year I'm ready for a new season. We had such terrible wrong weather this spring and summer, not to mention a groundhog infestation and of course losing Ruckus, which greatly affected my pleasure in being outside in the garden. I'm ready to turn my thoughts to brisk walks and cool air and lighting an evening fire. I haven't filled the upstairs woodbox yet, but that time is coming.

Yesterday was ridiculously busy. I went for a walk with Gretchen, then lugged Chuck to the vet, then came home for an unexpected visit from my homeland friends Angela and Steve, then rushed off for a haircut, then rushed home for an emotional phone meeting with Teresa about a new writing project that I didn't even know I was conceiving until we started talking . . . and then I made chicken chili with cornmeal dumplings for dinner, alongside a cucumber and yogurt salad and apple crisp with cream, all the while feeling kind of hung over from my overemotions with Teresa. I'm grateful for friends who can exist in that world with me, but it shakes me, too.

Anyway, the upshot is that Teresa and I and possibly some other poets may be collaborating on a collection together, or maybe not. We don't have anything yet, except feelings and landscapes and scattered thoughts.

Good news about Chuck, though. He now weighs six pounds, and the vet staff is so pleased. Clearly he's starting to absorb his meals better. Yet there are still lingering gut issues, so now he's on a probiotic that we hope will solve them. The poor guy has been so cheerful throughout this ordeal, but you know how bad an intestinal problem feels.

Today is my dear sister Heather's 59th birthday. And this morning the furnace guy is supposed to show up, for real this time. In the afternoon I'm being zoom-interviewed by a high school student, and in between I'll probably run errands and make a batch of sauce and start looking at poems, keeping my conversation with Teresa in mind. I'm also in the midst of a Beethoven listening project with Betsy, and it, too, may or may not turn into some sort of collaboration. Teresa and I are reading Brigit Kelly's The Orchard together and now we want to read Virginia Woolf's The Waves as well. I've got to start thinking about that daunting essay on Baron's oeuvre. I've been copying out "Crossing Brooklyn Ferry." There's so much to do! Yet I'm also feeling fairy-tale frozen. Some spell has been cast. What will break it?

It's cold this morning! . . . 46 degrees: no wonder Chuck...

It's cold this morning! . . . 46 degrees: no wonder Chuck slept curled underneath my chin and I spent the entire night trying to warm my bare feet on Tom. The sad days of sock time are upon us.

Well, I have just bought myself a new pair of boots, so perhaps the sock transition will be more enjoyable this year. I do always feel sad when sandal season is over. On the other hand, lighting the wood stove is a celebration, and if this weather keeps up, I'll be hauling firewood upstairs before you know it.

Yesterday morning, as soon as Tom backed out of the driveway and left for work, the washing machine hose separated from the drain and began spewing water all over the basement. Fortunately I quickly repaired the breach, but I was not sorry to then get a call from the oil company telling me that the furnace cleaning guy was out sick and would have to reschedule. I did not want to picture him kneeling in the flood.

So I ended up with a quieter-than-expected day--did the grocery shopping, finished Cat's Eye, then began copying out "Crossing Brooklyn Ferry" so that I can carefully study the transitions between sections. If you're taking my upcoming Poetry Kitchen class, you might consider doing the same: I won't assign that task to you, but in my experience copying out long poems is hugely helpful when I'm trying to figure out how they work and what I might borrow from them. It's also a great way to sideswipe writer's block.

This morning I'm going for a walk with Gretchen, then hauling Chuck off to the vet, getting my hair cut, phone-meeting with Teresa about her current writing obsession . . . a tap-dancing-up-the-walls-and-across-the-ceiling kind of day: I don't know exactly what I mean by that comparison, but certainly it evokes split-second timing and splintery, sparking concentration . . . also, so much talking: the overexcitement of poems mixed in with hairdresser small talk and cat digestion. I might need a nap afterwards.

And here we are at Monday again. I've got a busy week ahe...

And here we are at Monday again. I've got a busy week ahead: furnace cleaning (aka kitten wrangling), vet appointment (ditto), four zoom meetings (yikes), and whatever else is scrawled on the calendar that I'm not recalling at the moment.

None of that is paying work, but soon editing projects will start reappearing. I'm on the countdown to my Monson classes. And yesterday I was asked to write a big critical retrospective of Baron Wormser's work--an almost overwhelming assignment. Of course I can't turn it down, and I wouldn't dream of doing so. Nonetheless, nerves kept me awake last night. Writing essays, especially review essays, always exhausts me, and writing essays about my teacher's work is particularly grueling. Even though I've written about Baron's books several times already, I'm still anxious about getting things wrong. Yet it's an honor to be asked, and I know I'm probably the right person to do the job . . . Anyway, whatever the case, I said yes, and now I have to figure out what the task will require of me.

We got more than an inch of rain over the weekend, thank goodness. The grass is still brown and burnt, the shrubs still tatty and shabby, but the air is cloaked in the scent of wet leaves and earth, and there is a sense of ease in the garden after months of tightness and stress. On my walk I'll keep an eye out for mushrooms--it was a terrible summer for chanterelles but maybe the autumn maitakes will have a chance.

I've been reading Atwood's Cat's Eye, such a painful book about childhood, and thinking about how it echoes and diverges from Elizabeth Bowen's The Little Girls. I wonder if Atwood read that novel before she wrote her own.

Childhood is such a wilderness.

A two-day rainstorm is a magnificent gift. So far, close ...

A two-day rainstorm is a magnificent gift. So far, close to an inch has fallen, and the shrubs and garden plants look drunk. No wonder: after a two-month drought, I feel kind of drunk too.

I managed to soothe Chuck into letting me sleep in a little this morning, and now the two of us are cozily curled up together in our couch corner, listening to the slow click and tap of raindrops. Sunday morning. Rain, hot coffee, a bowl of kitten chow, and a pal. What could be more luxurious?

Yesterday's lunch at the seafood warehouse was delicious and also very amusing. The company is Japanese-owned and specializes in processing urchins (uni) and sea cucumbers for the Asian market. But they are also open daily for lunch. We bought trays of sashimi, whelk, some cooked rice, some nori, and carried them all upstairs to the employee break room. The price was reasonable, the fish was off-the-boat fresh, and most of the other diners appeared to be Japanese. A sign on the wall informed us: "Do Not Drinking." I can't wait to go back.

Look how wonderful it is to spend time with the gifts of other cultures. Yet while I'm peacefully eating Japanese food in Maine, the residents of Pilsen, my son's Chicago neighborhood, are petrified. The area is majority Mexican American, and people know that Trump is targeting them--these modest families, pushing their grocery carts through the aisles, walking their children to school. I love that neighborhood so much, and I am sick over the thought of ICE agents and National Guard troops terrorizing it. And of course I am scared for my son and future daughter-in-law, who are white American citizens but also highly likely to intervene in any wickedness they see.

Well, what can a parent do but quietly stand back and say, I raised a righteous child. And now his righteousness is being put to the test.

The morning is dark and mild. Through the open windows I ...

The morning is dark and mild. Through the open windows I hear crickets creak and, beyond them, the low growl of the highway.
I am up far too early on a Saturday morning, but Chuck is irrepressible. He is four months old now, and we are firmly in toddler land. I wail, "Can you deal with the cat? He's trying to climb me while I'm peeling potatoes," and T, like a good partner, swoops up the pest and takes him away. The living room floor is covered with cardboard boxes. We're woken at 3 by a joyous monster. Our conversation is dominated by discussions of bodily functions. We've both found ourselves automatically doing the baby-joggle when we hold him.
Of course, now that he's forked me out of bed, Hasty Stan himself has gone back to sleep. He's curled up next to me on the couch, little bat ears nestled against my hip, a portrait of Good Boy. Hah.
We're supposed to get some solid rain this weekend, starting midafternoon. T and I have plans to go out to lunch with our neighbor, at a seafood wholesaler she's learned about: apparently you can get platters of fresh sashimi and uni and eat them in the company breakroom, and we are eager to check it out. Then, if the rain holds off,  the three of us might mosey along Congress Street . . . look at a book fair, go to some vintage stores, investigate the flea market.
I'm still reading Ozick's Trust, recommended by my novelist friend Tom. I'm also looking again at Margaret Atwood's Cat's Eye, and I need to get started on Brigit Kelly's collection The Orchard, which Teresa and I will be rereading together. With Betsy, I've starting a listening project: Beethoven's late string quartets. Valerie and I are watching the new season of the British baking show together. Gretchen and I go for walks and imagine performances centered around slate and ice. T and I are team-raising yet another crazy little boy. Hey, friends, it's so good to know you all.