Kate Rothwell's Blog, page 35
May 5, 2011
I'll be visiting Heidi and Marie again tomorrow.
Fine. Don't comment on the interview. But you WILL want to say something tomorrow. That's when I WILL be giving away an ebook and a gift certificate to Amazon. You WILL visit then.
Look deeeeep into my eyes and repeat after me. "I will visit the website known as cup-o-porn tomorrow so that I might get a chance to win, win, win."
Cup-o-porn has the label "coffee and porn in the mornings" and is occasionally NSFW, no big surprise. I think they put the purely naked men after the jumps so you'll be safe if you don't click on some of those links.
Look deeeeep into my eyes and repeat after me. "I will visit the website known as cup-o-porn tomorrow so that I might get a chance to win, win, win."
Cup-o-porn has the label "coffee and porn in the mornings" and is occasionally NSFW, no big surprise. I think they put the purely naked men after the jumps so you'll be safe if you don't click on some of those links.
May 4, 2011
look, an interview with Summer Devon.
I get to be the one to interview Summer Devon. Here's the thing: if I beg you to comment will I look pathetic? I suppose only if you all remain silent.
No wait, it'll make me look like a rugged individualist -- a lone writer.
Can I do spin or what?
No wait, it'll make me look like a rugged individualist -- a lone writer.
Can I do spin or what?
May 3, 2011
please! close that door
I bought a book from amazon, opened my Kindle and almost at once was filled with disappointment and switched to another book**. I just don't have the taste for one of Those Books. I mean, it's fine with me if other people want to read that sort of thing. Live and let live. But I find the long descriptions of that activity distasteful. I'd rather that happened behind closed doors and long descriptions make me uncomfortable because I feel as if I'm intruding on something I think should be kept private. Sure it's precious to you, but I don't want to read about it.
I'm talking God, specifically the characters' relationship with the deity.
So anyway. If you read this, you know I've already ranted about how I don't like to read books with lots of God and how I think Religious activity is to inspies as Sex is to the erotic romance.
The only reason I'm bringing this up again is because times are changing. Used to be you could tell from the title or the little steeple on the cover or a particular line from a publisher. Now? They're sneaking in religion with mainstream covers.
My books ALWAYS have a little description of what could possibly offend readers. WARNING: M/m activity. Bondage. Etc. Well? I want warnings like that. Obviously there has to be a sliding scale to this sort of thing.
From
WARNING: This book contains many references to spirituality
to
WARNING: This book contains many references to miracles performed by Christian God.
And I think publishers should start with a praying hands system. It works with flames and sex, right? Time to put little hands in the description. Or a warning.
One pra
ying hand=multiple references to spirituality without specifying which God
No more than three mentions of relying on prayer/God.
Two praying hands=main characters mention God more than a couple of times and have discussions of accepting True God. Possible mention of Jesus or other savior.
Three praying hands=There's more God than actual story in these pages (kind of like erotica has more sex than plot.)
____________
**I wrote "and put the book down" but that's not how Kindle works.
I'm talking God, specifically the characters' relationship with the deity.
So anyway. If you read this, you know I've already ranted about how I don't like to read books with lots of God and how I think Religious activity is to inspies as Sex is to the erotic romance.
The only reason I'm bringing this up again is because times are changing. Used to be you could tell from the title or the little steeple on the cover or a particular line from a publisher. Now? They're sneaking in religion with mainstream covers.
My books ALWAYS have a little description of what could possibly offend readers. WARNING: M/m activity. Bondage. Etc. Well? I want warnings like that. Obviously there has to be a sliding scale to this sort of thing.
From
WARNING: This book contains many references to spirituality
to
WARNING: This book contains many references to miracles performed by Christian God.
And I think publishers should start with a praying hands system. It works with flames and sex, right? Time to put little hands in the description. Or a warning.
One pra
ying hand=multiple references to spirituality without specifying which GodNo more than three mentions of relying on prayer/God.
Two praying hands=main characters mention God more than a couple of times and have discussions of accepting True God. Possible mention of Jesus or other savior.
Three praying hands=There's more God than actual story in these pages (kind of like erotica has more sex than plot.)
____________
**I wrote "and put the book down" but that's not how Kindle works.
May 2, 2011
hardly any SBD
I'm not selling my house.
I mean I am NEVER, ever selling my house. I just had an appraiser and his assistant wander through the place for a half hour and I don't need to feel that kind of disdain ever again.
They might have actually felt some disdain. Most of it was mine.***
It didn't help that when they stood in the kitchen and asked what sort of improvements we've made on the house I answered, "well, we added the front porch and that cupboard doors of banana stickers behind you," and they didn't laugh. If I had a camera, I'd take a picture of our doors of stickers. Those decorations took a lot of time and effort and bananas, thank you.
So two people looking down their noses at our house was more than enough. I don't love this place -- not like my mother who loved our old house so much she always declared they'd have to carry her out feet first. But selling this place would be too, too mortifying.
The appraisal isn't for a sale, thank god. It's for a loan for middle kid's college time, which is fast approaching, by all that is holy. We will get a loan and the mortgage we had (which was almost paid up) will vanish and now we'll pay mortgage into our 80s.
This is why you don't want to have kids. It's the only reason I've come across, actually. So I don't think it actually works as a reason not to have chickens of your own. It's just money--and snoooty people trooping through your house.
OH, and wtf? I have to fax the loan types our taxes for the last FIVE years? Refinancing is serious business these days. Sheesh. There were so many pages of faxes to send, I realized it would be cheaper to buy a fax machine then to pay Mr. Staples to send 'em. So we're ending up with a loan, a new fax machine (only $20) and inferiority complex about our house with its banana sticker cupboard.
In reading time, I listened to Libba Bray's three YA books. Magic, girls' school, etc. It was pretty good but it won't stick with me. There was much picking of flowers and watching them turn into butterflies.
To sum it all up, I'm boring as hell. I better go spend time with people who are more interesting, ie the characters in this book Bonnie and I are writing. I promised a guy I'd write a review of his book. (remember how I said I wouldn't do that any more?) That'll come later.
______
***I never notice what sort of cluttered crapfest we live in until strangers show up. Especially strangers who are here specifically to look at the crapfest.
I mean I am NEVER, ever selling my house. I just had an appraiser and his assistant wander through the place for a half hour and I don't need to feel that kind of disdain ever again.
They might have actually felt some disdain. Most of it was mine.***
It didn't help that when they stood in the kitchen and asked what sort of improvements we've made on the house I answered, "well, we added the front porch and that cupboard doors of banana stickers behind you," and they didn't laugh. If I had a camera, I'd take a picture of our doors of stickers. Those decorations took a lot of time and effort and bananas, thank you.
So two people looking down their noses at our house was more than enough. I don't love this place -- not like my mother who loved our old house so much she always declared they'd have to carry her out feet first. But selling this place would be too, too mortifying.
The appraisal isn't for a sale, thank god. It's for a loan for middle kid's college time, which is fast approaching, by all that is holy. We will get a loan and the mortgage we had (which was almost paid up) will vanish and now we'll pay mortgage into our 80s.
This is why you don't want to have kids. It's the only reason I've come across, actually. So I don't think it actually works as a reason not to have chickens of your own. It's just money--and snoooty people trooping through your house.
OH, and wtf? I have to fax the loan types our taxes for the last FIVE years? Refinancing is serious business these days. Sheesh. There were so many pages of faxes to send, I realized it would be cheaper to buy a fax machine then to pay Mr. Staples to send 'em. So we're ending up with a loan, a new fax machine (only $20) and inferiority complex about our house with its banana sticker cupboard.
In reading time, I listened to Libba Bray's three YA books. Magic, girls' school, etc. It was pretty good but it won't stick with me. There was much picking of flowers and watching them turn into butterflies.
To sum it all up, I'm boring as hell. I better go spend time with people who are more interesting, ie the characters in this book Bonnie and I are writing. I promised a guy I'd write a review of his book. (remember how I said I wouldn't do that any more?) That'll come later.
______
***I never notice what sort of cluttered crapfest we live in until strangers show up. Especially strangers who are here specifically to look at the crapfest.
April 26, 2011
When life hands you lemons, sue life's ass, or beg. Or something
Okay let's say no one's buying your books.** How can you make this into a unique selling opportunity?
--Emphasize the exclusive nature of this book. It's a small club! It's a chance to discover virgin territory! Be one of the few, the proud, the readers of this book.
--Talk about the rocketing growth of future sales. So in the first month two people bought your book. Next month, make sure you've bullied at least four people into buying. Buy the damn thing yourself if you have to. Your campaign for that month is all about how "my book is taking off!" and "Word of mouth -- means twice the sales!"
--Try for the pathetic. Here's your patter: "My dog needs eye surgery and I can't afford it. Hey, you, passing by. Stop and pay attention to wretched me. I want you to pretend that I'm sitting on a corner with a tin full of change and some really old apples on a tray in front of me. I'm dressed in filthy rags and my hair is a mess. Only instead of the tin of change, it's a pay-pal account. And instead of old apples, it's this book I wrote. And instead of filthy rages I'm in sweatpants and a fleece that says I WRITE SMUT. The thing about the hair is true in real life, too."
--Lie your ass off. "EVERYONE LOVES THIS BOOK! Here, read this fabulous review I wrote and had a friend sign/I paid good money for. " The only people who really know your sales are pathetic are you and your publisher. And neither of you want to look like looozers so hey. Why not!
--Threaten them. You could try the "if you don't buy this book I AM NEVER WRITING ANOTHER WORD" but I do not recommend this. I'm certain that if you aren't lying about that threat, you'll end up NEVER WRITING ANOTHER WORD. Maybe you should go for another sort of threat. Hey, they have a career too. You could visit their blog/webpage "Nice place you got here. I'd hate to see anything happen to its code." Right. This one might need some work.
--Talk about other people's books and hope they reciprocate. Actually this one might really work. Useful advice? I'm slipping. But I can put a bad spin on it, don't worry. Because when A writes a glowing review of B's book and then B writes a review of A's book ... well it doesn't look quite right. Even if it is utterly true. Life is frustrating like that.
________________________________________________
** No one's buying your books. (In particular no one's buying Powder of Love. You two--you're off the hook--every meaning of the phrase. Everyone else? You're all assholes***.)
*** This is another option for promo. Insult the people you want to read your book. They'll be outraged, write about what an ass YOU are and VOILA! Your name is all over the internet.
--Emphasize the exclusive nature of this book. It's a small club! It's a chance to discover virgin territory! Be one of the few, the proud, the readers of this book.
--Talk about the rocketing growth of future sales. So in the first month two people bought your book. Next month, make sure you've bullied at least four people into buying. Buy the damn thing yourself if you have to. Your campaign for that month is all about how "my book is taking off!" and "Word of mouth -- means twice the sales!"
--Try for the pathetic. Here's your patter: "My dog needs eye surgery and I can't afford it. Hey, you, passing by. Stop and pay attention to wretched me. I want you to pretend that I'm sitting on a corner with a tin full of change and some really old apples on a tray in front of me. I'm dressed in filthy rags and my hair is a mess. Only instead of the tin of change, it's a pay-pal account. And instead of old apples, it's this book I wrote. And instead of filthy rages I'm in sweatpants and a fleece that says I WRITE SMUT. The thing about the hair is true in real life, too."
--Lie your ass off. "EVERYONE LOVES THIS BOOK! Here, read this fabulous review
--Threaten them. You could try the "if you don't buy this book I AM NEVER WRITING ANOTHER WORD" but I do not recommend this. I'm certain that if you aren't lying about that threat, you'll end up NEVER WRITING ANOTHER WORD. Maybe you should go for another sort of threat. Hey, they have a career too. You could visit their blog/webpage "Nice place you got here. I'd hate to see anything happen to its code." Right. This one might need some work.
--Talk about other people's books and hope they reciprocate. Actually this one might really work. Useful advice? I'm slipping. But I can put a bad spin on it, don't worry. Because when A writes a glowing review of B's book and then B writes a review of A's book ... well it doesn't look quite right. Even if it is utterly true. Life is frustrating like that.
________________________________________________
** No one's buying your books. (In particular no one's buying Powder of Love. You two--you're off the hook--every meaning of the phrase. Everyone else? You're all assholes***.)
*** This is another option for promo. Insult the people you want to read your book. They'll be outraged, write about what an ass YOU are and VOILA! Your name is all over the internet.
April 23, 2011
Partial Kick Ass Heroine Identification Guide
A partial guide, dammit, not a partial heroine. I'd do a chart, but that involves software and clicking. Plus I'm hiding from my family and time is a-ticking. I got ten minutes for this entry.
Today we'll be talking about two major KAHs Rural and Urban, Paranormal. We've heard that the Paranormal KAH might soon be a vanishing species--their sales are down and that's a pity. We happen to love KAHs which is why we think we can write a guide.
First, a few basic KAH facts. All KAHs must:
1. Kick ass. And not just human ass. Demons, vampires, werewolves, jackel-headed gods, fairies, succubi you name it. Their asses will be handed to them by the KAH
2. Be part of a series. No point in Stand Alone KAHs. It just doesn't happen. If you read a stand alone KAH it's because her numbers didn't work out and the publisher dropped her. The author was ready to do 10 more books. In fact the author probably has already written those books.
3. Demonstrate increasing power. Over the life of the series, the asses she kicks will get bigger, in a manner of speaking. She'll start out kicking human ass and by book six, she'll take on Overlords of the Universe.
4. Be completely taken aback by her increasing power and chances are, she's going to fight (or mourn) the fact that her Kick Assery Powers are getting bigger and bigger.
4a at least once per book wish she was a normal sort of a female.
5. Have men swoon over her. And not in a dreamy way. They will think all about sexxxing her. They will grow hard the moment she comes into the room--or into their dreams or wherever she shows up. Guys all over the known and unknown universe want her in the worst way.
6. have a few women sigh for her too, depending on the publisher.
7. will attract creatures outside her species. Those lust-maddened males and female might not even exist in this world. AND it's important that she'll be especially attractive to those demons, vampires, werewolves, jackel-headed gods, fairies, succubi that she's ass-kicking. They want her at the same time they know they must try to smash her to bits. Good luck, creatures. You are going to end up her love-slaves.
8. have either a dead or very strange mother--even quirkier than the KAH because the mother has usually damped down the awesome power flowing through her blood. Her father is definitely dead. Usually under mysterious circs. Or he was an unknown factor. In book four, we'll learn he was a god.
HOW DO WE KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN URBAN AND RURAL KAH, PARANORMAL?
You'd think it was just a matter of the place they're living, wouldn't you? YOU'D BE WRONG.
She'll have an object lust. It is on the check list the author wrote for the heroine, something to give the girl a unique personality. A quirk.
IS this object lust for:
Jimmy Choo shoes--she's urban (U)
Muscle cars--she's rural (R)
Some supernatural shapeshifting is involved, doggy style.
Does our KAH or one of her men turn into:
A werewolf--U
A coyote--R
Both--U and R. You'll have to use some other method to ID her.
She will visit strange worlds in her dream states and/or power-gathering times:
Obvious Indian reservation, empty red landscapes--R
Deserted, crumbling cities--U
She has to have a regular profession when she's not kicking ass. Is she:
A car mechanic--R
A police officer--U
A bank manager--who the hell are you kidding? Don't be a weisenheimer.
Uh oh. I've been discovered. I was just going to write about the animals you'd find in her dwelling but I think we all know they all have cats. My middle kid informs me that I must go buy the peaches that will go into the sonic screw drivers for tonights Doctor Who party. BUY THEM NOW BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.
Today we'll be talking about two major KAHs Rural and Urban, Paranormal. We've heard that the Paranormal KAH might soon be a vanishing species--their sales are down and that's a pity. We happen to love KAHs which is why we think we can write a guide.
First, a few basic KAH facts. All KAHs must:
1. Kick ass. And not just human ass. Demons, vampires, werewolves, jackel-headed gods, fairies, succubi you name it. Their asses will be handed to them by the KAH
2. Be part of a series. No point in Stand Alone KAHs. It just doesn't happen. If you read a stand alone KAH it's because her numbers didn't work out and the publisher dropped her. The author was ready to do 10 more books. In fact the author probably has already written those books.
3. Demonstrate increasing power. Over the life of the series, the asses she kicks will get bigger, in a manner of speaking. She'll start out kicking human ass and by book six, she'll take on Overlords of the Universe.
4. Be completely taken aback by her increasing power and chances are, she's going to fight (or mourn) the fact that her Kick Assery Powers are getting bigger and bigger.
4a at least once per book wish she was a normal sort of a female.
5. Have men swoon over her. And not in a dreamy way. They will think all about sexxxing her. They will grow hard the moment she comes into the room--or into their dreams or wherever she shows up. Guys all over the known and unknown universe want her in the worst way.
6. have a few women sigh for her too, depending on the publisher.
7. will attract creatures outside her species. Those lust-maddened males and female might not even exist in this world. AND it's important that she'll be especially attractive to those demons, vampires, werewolves, jackel-headed gods, fairies, succubi that she's ass-kicking. They want her at the same time they know they must try to smash her to bits. Good luck, creatures. You are going to end up her love-slaves.
8. have either a dead or very strange mother--even quirkier than the KAH because the mother has usually damped down the awesome power flowing through her blood. Her father is definitely dead. Usually under mysterious circs. Or he was an unknown factor. In book four, we'll learn he was a god.
HOW DO WE KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN URBAN AND RURAL KAH, PARANORMAL?
You'd think it was just a matter of the place they're living, wouldn't you? YOU'D BE WRONG.
She'll have an object lust. It is on the check list the author wrote for the heroine, something to give the girl a unique personality. A quirk.
IS this object lust for:
Jimmy Choo shoes--she's urban (U)
Muscle cars--she's rural (R)
Some supernatural shapeshifting is involved, doggy style.
Does our KAH or one of her men turn into:
A werewolf--U
A coyote--R
Both--U and R. You'll have to use some other method to ID her.
She will visit strange worlds in her dream states and/or power-gathering times:
Obvious Indian reservation, empty red landscapes--R
Deserted, crumbling cities--U
She has to have a regular profession when she's not kicking ass. Is she:
A car mechanic--R
A police officer--U
A bank manager--who the hell are you kidding? Don't be a weisenheimer.
Uh oh. I've been discovered. I was just going to write about the animals you'd find in her dwelling but I think we all know they all have cats. My middle kid informs me that I must go buy the peaches that will go into the sonic screw drivers for tonights Doctor Who party. BUY THEM NOW BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.
April 21, 2011
So what if sales for my stand-alone stuff are crappy? (I'...
So what if sales for my stand-alone stuff are crappy? (I'm not supposed to mention that because it turns out that success, or the illusion of it, breeds more success, but whew, those numbers are stinking up the place) BUT WHO CARES? This is the important part: HEIDI FREAKING CULLINAN likes my books. Or maybe she means she likes the Bonnie Dee / Summer Devon books. That's fine with me--I really did help write those things.
HEIDI FREAKING CULLINAN is fast turning into one of those authors for me and it just makes me want to tap dance with joy to think she knows who I am. I think the last time I felt like this was when Valerie Parv said she liked my book. I could dine out on this feeling for a few months and not even notice the fact that I sold less than 20 books. The approval of peers you respect is a heady pleasure. No wonder I see congratulatory notes back and forth on twitter. Public displays of affection via Mutual Admiration Societies might be annoying** to outsiders but it's pure champagne to anyone lucky enough to encounter it.
BTW, I'm most of the way through Heidi Cullinan's latest and loving it.
___________________
**nauseating, actually. BTHTB (been there, held the bucket) Envy? Eh, probably. I'm only now realizing that...what a mean beastie.
HEIDI FREAKING CULLINAN is fast turning into one of those authors for me and it just makes me want to tap dance with joy to think she knows who I am. I think the last time I felt like this was when Valerie Parv said she liked my book. I could dine out on this feeling for a few months and not even notice the fact that I sold less than 20 books. The approval of peers you respect is a heady pleasure. No wonder I see congratulatory notes back and forth on twitter. Public displays of affection via Mutual Admiration Societies might be annoying** to outsiders but it's pure champagne to anyone lucky enough to encounter it.
BTW, I'm most of the way through Heidi Cullinan's latest and loving it.
___________________
**nauseating, actually. BTHTB (been there, held the bucket) Envy? Eh, probably. I'm only now realizing that...what a mean beastie.
April 20, 2011
5 of 5 stars for Mad Baron
Once again I'm posting a review (this one's from Romanceaholic) all over the internet, but honestly, the first couple of reviews for a book are such a relief -- when they're good, I mean.
The urge to say HEY! YAY! is extremely hard to suppress. But I swear this is the last copy/paste-paste-paste-paste HEY! YAY! I'll do. At least for this book. Although I don't guarantee I'll shut up on those yahoo groups.
I'd go on a tangent about how annoying it is to see self promo everywhere, but you already know that.
* * * *
Aw, back to grim non-romance-based reality: my poor middle guy is sick as a dog. blearuuuuugh--during school vacation week too.
This is my first Summer Devon novel, but I must say that she is incredibly skilled with both sexual tension and tasty love scenes.
The urge to say HEY! YAY! is extremely hard to suppress. But I swear this is the last copy/paste-paste-paste-paste HEY! YAY! I'll do. At least for this book. Although I don't guarantee I'll shut up on those yahoo groups.
I'd go on a tangent about how annoying it is to see self promo everywhere, but you already know that.
* * * *
Aw, back to grim non-romance-based reality: my poor middle guy is sick as a dog. blearuuuuugh--during school vacation week too.
April 19, 2011
note
When you get to know your editor you don't have to be as careful when you submit something to her. 
Daer Editor
This is our book. A paritial of it, anyway! Ha! We love our book and because we have pets we think you should pubish it and also we knit. And we belong ot some many groups that you have herd of that will demonstrate we are cerious about our career.
If you do not publihs it we will go all over the internet and weep about how you crushed our dreams, you horrid beyotch.
Summmer Devon
April 16, 2011
why I don't do many promo loops
All those yahoo loops--the ones in which writers can post excerpts and links--consist of authors talking at each other. Readers never seem to bother visiting the loops. Except wait! EVERY SINGLE TIME I go to post my books, I read a couple of intriguing excerpts and then my credit card ends up in my hand and oh, no....I cross the line into reader again.
Those free promo opportunities always end up costing me money.
Those free promo opportunities always end up costing me money.
