Devon Ellington's Blog, page 24

Tues. Nov. 19, 2024: Trying to Get My Feet Back Under Me

image courtesy of Petra via pixabay.com

Tuesday, November 19, 2024

Waning Moon

Neptune, Chiron, Uranus, Jupiter Retrograde

Sunny and cool

How did you survive the weekend?

I struggled to do anything on Friday, with the aftereffects of the shot. Unfortunately, I had to go out and run some errands, as there wasn’t any other option. I managed to get them done without wrapping myself around a tree and made it home, and dealt with what needed to be dealt with.

No coverages came in over the weekend, which made me kind of frantic, even though I was grateful for the rest.

Saturday, I was achy and headachy, and my arm itched badly. I stayed quiet for most of the day, and read too much. Finished the second book in a series that was cute, but not as good as the first book. Read another that was kind of “meh.” Read a memoir that made me roll my eyes at times – this guy really needs to learn about consent. Knowing that a young woman in his employ doesn’t enjoy physical contact, hugging her, and thinking her discomfort is funny is not okay. Wise up, fella. Of course, he also had a much younger girlfriend, because heaven forbid he date someone age appropriate – a mature woman wouldn’t put up with his crap.

Did some tidying up in the living room. The house is not going to be where I want it when company arrives this coming weekend, and we will all just have to cope.

Honored both the full moon and Hecate on Saturday night. Then had trouble getting to sleep, although I slept fairly well once I did.

Still not feeling great on Sunday, mostly a bad headache and dizzy spells.

However, I managed to do the community tarot reading for the week (if you missed it, you can read it here) and get up the Questions for 2025 on the Goals, Dreams, and Resolution site (if you missed it, you can read it here). I also finished/polished/submitted an essay to a new local publication that had a call out. It’s an essay, which is a little out of my wheelhouse, but I figured I might as well try. Also sent the submission call to a cohort member I thought might be interested. She thanked me and let me know she submitted.

Exhausted by then, and it wasn’t even noon.

We’re working with Bea and with Willa to fix the setback. For now, Bea has to go back into the sewing room with the door closed overnight. She doesn’t like it; she prefers to be out and about, but we can’t keep track of everyone when we sleep.

Read in the afternoon and did as much housework as I felt up to. I’ll do the best I can each day and work from there. There are going to be projects spread out and piles of work, and that’s life here. My friend will stay in Tessa’s room (since Bea still has full use of the sewing room), and we’re making it as festive and cozy as possible. Not sure how successful we’ll be in getting Tessa’s food out.

I switched out the pumpkin lights in the kitchen for Christmas lights. Going to the laundromat yesterday morning, I see many people are keeping up the Halloween decorations and just adding the Christmas decorations. Let’s be festive while we still can, right?

Found a couple of small boxes of things I’d misplaced, so that was fun.

Slept reasonably well until about 4:30 Monday morning. Was out the door a little after 6 to the laundromat with all the couch covers and blankets and other things that were unfortunate collateral damage in the Bea-Willa situation late last week. It was the first day I felt well enough to brave the laundromat.

Still having dizzy spells, but overall, had a less severe reaction to this shot than the previous ones.

My mom got a beautiful belated birthday wish from a man she’d known and taken care of when he was a child, back in Greenwich. He’s now fully grown with two kids of his own. He wanted her to know how much the time we all spent together meant to him. I’m glad it mattered. It was really sweet of him to let her know.

Did a library drop off and picked up a few things at the grocery store. Put the couch covers back on (that was a chore, since they have the tag for “center back” in the wrong spot). Got out three LOIs. Did promotion for TAPESTRY. Felt like crap most of the day.

Made a vegetable soup from a new-to-me recipe that was a total disappointment. I guess I will stick to soup recipes from Jeremy Rock Smith and from Moosewood. They always turn out well. This had no taste, even though I upped the herbs and spices and added in a few other things.

Did some housework. Turned around a very tiny coverage assignment and grabbed two more, equally small. Prepped for my interview tonight with “Effie’s” producer, which will be recorded.

Read the completed draft of a friend’s screenplay (it’s really fun) and gave her notes.

Big influx of new users on Bluesky. I got lots of new followers over the weekend. I think I must have been put into a starter pack? Whatever. I look forward to getting to know them.

Concerned about the ads I’m seeing on social media, preying on people’s upset about the election by offering them safe “communities” – for a monthly fee. That’s not a community; it’s a social club. And it’s another example of economic segregation. We’ll make you feel better about losing your rights, but only if you can afford to pay us. Nope.

Felt very discouraged yesterday. Tried to be optimistic, but only succeeded for moments here and there. Part of the whole being human bit.

The new cohort has been chosen and informed. I hope they enjoy the next six months, and take advantage of some wonderful opportunities.

Pluto moves into Aquarius today, until 2044. I’m seeing people dance around saying we’re in the “age of Aquarius” like the song from HAIR. One planet in the sign does not an “age” make. And we don’t just snap into something else. There will be a lot of planets shifting signs next year, and a lot of tumult. But we are not suddenly in a rosy age where everything is lovely. We’re entering a difficult transformative phase, and I do not have much hope that enough people will make choices beyond what they believe is their own self-interest. I am, however, looking at the previous 16-year transit through Capricorn, looking at patterns and what changed, and seeing where I can positively apply lessons moving forward, for myself, and to help those I can.

Woke up at 3, when feline shift change happened. Dozed off and had a weird dream about white dogs. They supposedly mean peace and security. I could use a little of that right now.

Up early to feed everybody. Bea was eager to get out of her room and run around. One minute Charlotte is sweet with her, the next she isn’t. Poor Bea.

Tried to meditate, but the cats kept interrupting. Usually they’re pretty good during meditation.

On today’s agenda: some writing. I’m way behind where I need to be. Housework. LOIs. Two small coverages, and hope that some bigger ones come in for the week. Promotion for TAPESTRY. Administrative work. Gentle yoga. Recording my interview. Finishing the next book for review. Maybe getting some more plays out on submission. Finalizing plans for my friend’s visit this weekend. We are going to a local friend’s workshop on Saturday afternoon.

Have a good one!

Mon. Nov. 18, 2024: Intent for the Week — Practicalities

image courtesy of Pexels via pixabay.com

Monday, November 18, 2024

Neptune, Chiron, Uranus, Jupiter Retrograde

Rainy and cool

I’m reasonably funcitonal again today, and have a busy week ahead of me. I’m dealing in practicalties, including lots of health care meetings and other work-related stuff, not just to clear things out before Mercury goes retrograde next week, but because of Thanksgiving.

I also have something fun to look forward to — an old friend and theatre collaborator is visiting over the weekend. I haven’t seen her in person since MISS SAIGON closed on Broadway — which was a loooong time ago!

The Questions for 2025 are up over on the Goals, Dreams, and Resolutions site.

The Community Tarot Reading for the Week is available on the Cerridwen’s Cottage site here. It’s an uplifiting reading in many ways, although there are a few things that worry me. Lots of Major Arcana cards.

What is your intent for the week?

Fri. Nov. 15, 2024: Just Let Me Sleep

image courtesy of Ivan Oboleninov via pexels.com

Friday, November 15, 2024

Full Moon

Neptune, Chiron, Uranus, Jupiter Retrograde

Saturn DIRECT

Partly sunny and cold

Meditation happened yesterday, and was good. Charlotte was delighted to be on ZOOM.

I wrote and submitted my book review and the invoice. Got paid (yay). I got a few other things done, too, and headed off to get the vaccine. In and out in five minutes, easy peasey for once.

Glad it was so close, because I started feeling dizzy in about a half hour. My arm hurts more with this version than the others, from shoulder to elbow. Other than dizzy, I didn’t feel too bad until just before 8, where I got the chills so badly I physically shook and could hardly pour the liquid Tylenol into a dosage cup.  My joints felt brittle, which was weird. Every time I took a step, it felt like my ankles would shatter. That’s new and different. It was fine this morning, back to normal, but it was a strange sensation.

Took the Tylenol, wrapped myself like a burrito in the fleece blankets, and went to sleep. I woke up a few times, not feeling great, but still better than during previous shot. I don’t have the horrible headache (yet) I usually get, and I’m not fluctuating between chills and fever. It’s mostly chills. Staying wrapped in the blankets and focusing on yoga breath helps a lot.

Got up late to find cat chaos, because Willa was bullying Bea. So Bea is back in her room with the door closed for a week or so, to settle everyone down and make sure Bea feels safe, and then we’ll try a different way to get Willa and Bea on good terms. It means I have to go out and run an errand later today, which I would rather not (as of right now, there’s no way I can drive) to pick up a few things we need. Not a good way to start the day, especially with me feeling bad.

I had a little breakfast, just toast and an apple. I’m going back to bed for a few hours, and then see where my coping skills are.

Had trouble with a Nift gift card – I don’t know why I even bothered. I’ve never had any luck with one of those actually being redeemed. I usually just throw them out. And their “customer service” is totally useless. Intentionally useless, but don’t waste my time.

Anyway, I’m going to take it as easy as possible today, and I hope I feel better. I feel just well enough to be grumpy about not feeling well. Which is definitely an improvement on the previous shots!

Have a good weekend, and I’ll see you on the other side.

Thurs. Nov. 14, 2024: Hopefully a Day of Calm Harbor

image courtesy of  Lee Murry via pixabay.com

Thursday, November 14, 2024

Day Before Full Moon

Saturn, Neptune, Chiron, Uranus, Jupiter Retrograde

Partly cloudy and cold

You can read the latest on the garden over at Gratitude and Growth.

Saturn goes direct tomorrow. I think we’ve been bitch slapped with a life lesson during this transit, haven’t we?

I’m trying to get a few things finished this morning before I go for the vaccine, since I have no idea how the next four to five days will shake out.

Yesterday, I prepped for my A4A meeting. It went well, with a lot of solid conversation. Everyone cares a lot, which makes a big difference. It’s not about personal agendas or egos; it’s about deep caring, and that makes a difference.

We had some post meeting work to do, which I did later in the afternoon.

I didn’t manage to get all the administrative work done, but I got that with the tightest deadlines done and mailed. I can do the rest of it early next week. No coverages came in, although a small one came in this morning that I hope to turn around before the vaccine fully derails me. I finished the book for review, wrote the review, and will submit the review and the invoice this morning, before I go to get the shot.

I swung by the post office and the library. I had nothing in the tank for tarot, so I stayed home.

Received an unexpected gift from a long-term client, which was a pleasant surprise.

Finished reading a book that came highly recommended that I liked, but didn’t love. It was a little too sweet at times, and dragged out one of the choices beyond where it made sense within the logic of the story.

Watching an administrative cabinet assembled that consists of intentionally the worst and least qualified people. I keep hearing, “Oh, they can’t. . .” Yes, they can. They have an administrative trifecta, a corrupt SCOTUS, and no guardrails. They will cause as much suffering and destruction as quickly as possible.

Okay, I do not want to hear a SINGLE WORD from anyone on Substack chiding indie authors for making the decision to remain on Amazon after Substack has accepted funding from Nate Silver and the conglomerate that backs Tucker Carlson. Not. One. Word.

Woke up at 1:30, worrying. Tessa and Charlotte fussed at each other on the bed. Finally dozed off again around 3:30 and got up around 6.

I have no idea what today will bring. I have the shot; I have a small coverage. I don’t know if more coverages will come in, or how I’ll feel in relation to being able to work. The next few days have to be moment to moment. We’re supposed to have meditation today; let’s see if that’s the case.

Saturn goes direct tomorrow. There’s a full moon tomorrow. With any luck, I’ll just sleep through it all.

If I don’t post tomorrow, it means the shot hit me hard, and we’ll catch up next week, which is shaping up to be a very busy week. Otherwise, we’ll have a short catch up tomorrow, although don’t expect anything more interesting from me than, “ow, my arm hurts.”

Wed. Nov. 13, 2024: Many a ZOOM

image courtesy of yousafbhutta via pixabay.com

Wednesday, November 13, 2024

Waxing Moon

Saturn, Neptune, Chiron, Uranus, Jupiter Retrograde

Party sunny and cold

Wednesday already!

Just a reminder that TAPESTRY released yesterday, in digital formats. If you hate Amazon, there are plenty of other options. It’s even on Hoopla, which is a library/borrowing platform. You can find buy links, videos, and more here.

I have a ZOOM meeting scheduled at the end of next week about teaching a workshop in winter. Fingers crossed.

I tried to be as practical as possible yesterday morning, before recording began. I hauled myself to the laundromat at 6 AM and was home by 7, and the laundry folded and put away shortly thereafter. I went to the grocery store to pick up a few things we’d run out of, including cat litter. Got out a few LOIs. Am pondering some calls for essays. Interesting, since my foray during last Saturday’s workshop was in essay territory, and it’s not a form in which I often write.

Did release day promotion for TAPESTRY. Struggled to get just over 700 words done on VICIOUS CRITIC. Turned around 3 tiny coverages. Scheduled my playwright interview for “Effie” for next week. Got the meeting, also next week, for my mom and I with the health care navigator for next year’s insurance. Then, you know, maybe I can actually get some health care before it’s all destroyed. Got some paperwork from Senator Warren’s office on an issue she’s helping me with. The timing was great; I was about to send her some more information.

Wrote and turned in the two book reviews. Got my next two assignments.

Snuck out to gentle yoga for an hour, which worked out with the recording schedule. Picked up takeout on the way home that my mom really wanted, but left me feeling not so great.

Was basically the phone-a-friend (ZOOM a friend?) for the recording session, which was fine. I read most of one of the next book for review in between cues. I will finish it today, write the review, and submit it with the invoice before I head out for the vaccine tomorrow.

I’m getting tired of waking up at 3:30 with a heavy heart.

This morning, I have a ZOOM meeting with A4A for a couple of hours. Looking forward to that, too, and am glad that I got in all my materials for that last week. I have a lot of admin to do today and get mailed out. I’d like to get some writing done. I feel like I’m missing a page of outline notes for VICIOUS. I remember some sequences which I’m not finding in the outline. I’ve also decided to change the climactic sequence quite a bit.

And, of course, more marketing for TAPESTRY.

As I’m perusing old work, written during other dark times, I found notes about a piece where the protagonist (who is a fantasy/urban fantasy character) decides not to save the town and walks away, because they’ve turned on each other, choosing nastiness and cruelty instead of working together, and they’re just not worth it. That is resonating on certain levels with me. Because the ones responsible for this chaos will never take responsibility for it, and then expect the rest of us to come in and save them again, but as soon as we do, they just revert to being awful again and causing even more problems.

I have one small coverage to do today. If more come in for today and tomorrow, I’ll turn them around. The usual pattern after a vaccine is I go down about 20 minutes after the injection with extreme fatigue (which is why I have to get it somewhere close); then I sort of perk up for a few hours. About 10-12 hours later, it gets bad for however many days, depending on the vaccine. This is Pfizer, so I’m hoping I’ll only be down over the weekend (since I have to be functional next week). I’m also hoping there will be less of an effect; most people I know had a smaller reaction to this version. If coverage work comes in over the weekend, I’ll have to find a way to push through it, because I don’t have the option not to no matter how awful I feel, and I resent the hell out of that.  But we’ll see what happens. Just because there’s a deadline doesn’t mean much work will come in. That’s what happened this past pay period.

Grumpy much? I need to prepare for this morning’s meeting. I intend to have a positive attitude!

Have a good one.

Tues. Nov. 12, 2024: TAPESTRY Release & “Effie Effect” Recording

Tuesday, November 12, 2024

Waxing Moon

Saturn, Neptune, Chiron, Uranus, Jupiter Retrograde

How’s everyone doing? Hanging in there?

Today is the release day for TAPESTRY, the first Nina Bell novel! It’s $4.99 from multiple digital channels. There’s a print version coming soon (I hope). You can read all about it here.

Blurbs and buy links included, and they will be updated throughout the week.

If you haven’t checked out the Community Tarot Reading for the Week, you can do so here.

Friday, I was puttering around. I got out an LOI, not for a job, but a town committee appointment that an acquaintance had encouraged me to ask for on Thursday. That took longer than I expected. I also did some other admin work while I was at it.

I finally got my act together. I went to the grocery store just for a few things. I got a clerk who’s always been somewhat grumpy every time I’ve interacted with her to smile and talk to me. It’s taken about a year and a half! I’m always nice to her and ask her how she is and wish her a good weekend, and she finally engaged in conversation. It was good.

I also went to the post office, and did a drop off/pick up at the library.

I noticed that almost all the students at the college across the street from me were wearing black. It looks like they were zapped in from Greenwich Village in the 90’s. And just makes me smile. A lot of people are masking. Most people were gentle and kind with each other. Taking time to say hello to strangers, hold doors open for each other, and the like. It helps all of us.

Came home, wrote and submitted the book review. Got the next two books for review. Since no scripts came in, I gave myself the afternoon off to read for fun. I finished Alyssa Maxwell’s latest Gilded Newport mystery, MURDER AT VINLAND, which was very good. I started this month’s Agatha Christie book club pick, THIRD GIRL. Interesting, but not sure how I feel about it yet. I’m not sure if I’m getting ahead of the story, or if I remember it from a past read.

Woke up at 3:30 on Saturday morning, instead of 2:30, an incremental improvement. Charlotte was being a complete pill, to me, to Tessa, to Bea. I think it hurt Bea’s feelings.

Got out a couple of LOIs. Wrote a chapter for VICIOUS CRITIC (a little over 2K words). Posted some of the TAPESTRY videos on TikTok, and created the TikTok and Wide videos for STRANGERS IN THE SNOW. Worked on the proofs of the print version of TAPESTRY, but I need to see a physical copy before I can approve it and send it through. Not sure that will happen before the holidays, but we’ll see.

Did a bunch of filing, in a 15-minute break from everything else. Does that count as a Pomodoro?

Had to put on Real People Clothes and head out for a workshop at Wild Soul River. It was about techniques to use the tarot as a deep prompt for writing, and giving feedback. There was a big turnout, which was nice. It was good to see a lot of people from tarot, and there were even people I knew from other arenas of my life – someone from Word X Word, someone who’d been at my Farmers’ Market workshop. Ky, who led the workshop, did a lovely job.  Had some good conversations afterward, too.

Home, exhausted. It was deep work.

Cooked dinner (pierogi, kielbasa, red cabbage). Read the next book for review.

Managed to sleep until 4 AM. I’m trying to wake up without feeling desolate.

Did the Community Tarot Reading for the Week. Finished the STRANGERS IN THE SNOW video in the Instagram format. Played with a holiday ad for all three holiday pieces. Worked on the print proofs for MURDER BELLS. They have to send me one now. Did a big marketing “introduction” to the various work posted on FB, Tumblr, Mastodon.

Should I do a video for all three holiday shorts? The thought is overwhelming. Maybe I’ll just post the individual videos throughout. I have a combo video ad, and that may be enough.

I need to start thinking in terms of videos for MURDER BELLS, too.

I did the promo calendar for the next few months, and it is WILD. And then I realized it was all wrong. I had to toss it and start from scratch again. But at least I know what has to post where and when. I realized I needed to do Instagram versions of the JUST JUMP IN AND FLY and THE GHOST OF LOCKESLEY HALL ads, so I did those, and then did the versions of the STRANGERS IN THE SNOW ad.

I still have to do the MURDER BELLS ad, the MURDER BELLS video, and the videos for both MURDER BELLS and both books.

The week before Christmas and of Christmas will have a lot of promos for the various books, but there will be a lot of promos. If the jerk who reported me on Mastodon pulls that again, I will switch to one of the other servers that supports writers.

Read the next book for review.

Managed to sleep until 4:30 on Monday morning, and not get up until 6. I felt depleted. This week should be joyful for me, with my show recording and a book release, but it’s hard to feel joy.

Charlotte was impossible during meditation. And she’s starting to get hissy with Bea, which I want to stop. It hurts Bea’s feelings, and they were doing so well until Willa started being a bully. At the same time, when Willa tries to bully Bea, Charlotte intervenes and chases Willa off. So I don’t know what’s going on in that feline brain.

It was a struggle to get going this morning. I spent about 3 hours on marketing stuff. I worked on the December newsletter. I have to come up with a heartwarming piece of flash fiction for it, and I’m not yet sure how to get there. I originally wrote “heart worming” and that’s more in keeping with my current mood.

It was a massive struggle, but I managed just over 1100 words on the next chapter of VICIOUS CRITIC. It’s a difficult scene. This may well be closer to novella length than novel length, which makes sense, since that was the first intention for it.

I’m perusing some older work that I did and put aside, because I was told it was too disturbing and radical. I think its time might have come. I have to think about it. A couple of pieces need some more work to them; I have to see when and how I can schedule them. There’s a large trilogy, where I have the first book and a half done, and it holds up. It would definitely fit in the “urban fantasy” category, and I’m glad I never listened to anyone about watering it down. I also have some shorts that would make sense – I’ve been wanting to get back to those, time travel fantasy pieces. The vision was to have three in one character’s timeline, three in another, and three in a timeline that was unfamiliar to either of them. I have the first done (it was up at one point, and has been taken out of circulation). I have part of the second – I could have sworn I wrote the whole thing, but can’t find it. I have to remember what I wanted to do with the third. Again, I don’t know how to fit those into everything else scheduled, but at least, when I’m stressed, I can blow off some steam with them.

Wrote and submitted both book reviews.

Today, I am tied up with the recording for “Effie Effect” for as long as it takes. Not sure if I’m ZOOMing into the recording, or just on standby for questions. It looks like I’ll be able to sneak out for a break to go gentle yoga, but I’m playing it by ear. I’ll be up late again, with the time difference, but that’s fine.

And hey, it’s release day for the first book in a series I really love!

Have a good one, my friends.

Mon. Nov. 11, 2024: Intent for the Week — Plan for Probabilities

Image courtesy of picjumbo via pixabay.com

Monday, November 11, 2024

Waxing Moon

Saturn, Neptune, Chiron, Uranus, Jupiter Retrograde

Cloudy and cool

Veterans’ Day

Welcome to a new week. Technically, it’s a federal holiday, but I have a lot on my plate.

This should be an incredibly joyful week for me, with both my show recording tomorrow and a book release tomorrow (TAPESTRY).

It’s difficult to feel joy with the world burning down. I admit, I’m feeling depleted right now.

But fair warning, my friends. Between now and the end of the year, I have two novels and a novelette releasing, plus I’ll be promoting the holiday shorts. There will be a LOT of promotion on my feeds between now and the end of the year.

Tomorrow is a big day for me personally. Wednesday, I have an important meeting in the morning. Thursday I get the next COVID vaccine, and we’ll see how many days that takes me down. It’s Pfizer, and my reaction is usually milder to that, but still with a day or so that’s pretty intense.

However, if coverage work comes in, I have to do it no matter how badly I feel, because there’s been so little work these past weeks. And that worries me. But I’ll try not to borrow trouble, and take things one day at a time, while also making multiple versions of a longer-term plan.

The Community Tarot reading for the week is up over on the Cerridwen Cottage site. Lots of sword cards this week, which makes sense. You can check it out here.

Hang in there, my friends. We’ll have a longer catch-up tomorrow.

Fri. Nov. 8, 2024: Taking the Weekend to Mourn

image courtesy of Karen Nadine via pixabay.com

Friday, November 8, 2024

Waxing Moon

Saturn, Neptune, Chiron, Uranus, Jupiter Retrograde

Sunny and warm

Friday again. Not a happy Friday, all things considered, but maybe we can get some rest this weekend.

I mean, if work comes in, I’m working, but whatever.

Hard to concentrate.

We had meditation, which was mostly good. However, again, there was this whole “being nice to people who want to kill you” thing and no. Just no. That’s what got us here in the first place, instead of holding them accountable for unacceptable behavior.

Lots of back and forth with friends and colleagues. Poets are writing poems; others are figuring out how they can regain equilibrium in order to move forward. Rachel Maddow has a good segment on looking at it as being a pirate – we can either allow them to push and take everything, or we can push back every step of the way. We need to do the latter.

I spent a good portion of the day finishing up my work for A4A. Our big meeting is next Wednesday. Thursday I get my COVID shot. (provided CVS doesn’t screw me again and cancel at the last minute, because they “don’t like” my insurance).

A quick turnaround script came in, and I turned it around, although I was frustrated that there was no rush fee to it. But it was the regular rate, and I needed the money, so I did it.

Spent time reading the next book for review. I will write and submit the review today and hopefully get more assignments.

Went to yoga in the evening. I was early (as usual) and stopped next door at the bookstore, where the manager is just as devastated as the rest of us. We had a good talk, and exchanged ideas on reading to help sustain us through this.

Bea sat on the top of the sofa, looking out the window waiting for me, much in the way Charlotte often does, when I went to yoga. It was really cute.

I am also doing more research (and digging out my old research) on the Erinyes (also called Eumenides) of Greek myth. They are also known as the Furies, chthonic goddesses of vengeance who go after “whosoever has sworn a false oath.” Seems appropriate. Sekhmet, Hecate, Lillith, and Cerridwen are also strong energies for this dark time.

Only slept a couple of hours at a time, then woke up, fretting. Here we go again. That’s familiar from a few years back.

Still trying to work through all my emotions in my journal. Considering dusting off some material I wrote a few years ago, but put aside and did not publish, because I was told it was “too radical.” It is now relevant.

I didn’t get any writing or marketing done yesterday; let’s hope I can get more done today. I have to go grocery shopping (just a few things) and do a library run. Hopefully, some script coverages come in for the weekend. I have a workshop tomorrow afternoon in Williamstown. Bad time to have a book release next week, but at least it wasn’t this week.

I signed up for the MOTHER JONES newsletter. I’ve been familiar with their work for years. I’m not subscribing to anything right now, but at least I can support them through their free newsletter.

I’m shaking my head – all the typical news organizations like NYT and WaPo begging people to subscribe now can fuck right off. They failed us. They were too weak to stand up to oppression when it was vital and have been turned into propaganda machines. They don’t get a penny.

I need to let myself grieve and mourn this weekend. The positive is that, last time around, I felt isolated in my physical environment, and here I do not.

I have to make some difficult decisions this weekend, too, and start some long-term plans for the future that are different than what I had hoped and desired.

Have a good one, and I’ll catch you on the other side.

Thurs. Nov. 7, 2024: Grimly Resolute

image courtesy of Andrea Gschiel via pixabay.com

Thursday, November 7, 2024

Waxing Moon

Saturn, Neptune, Chiron, Uranus, Jupiter Retrograde

Cloudy and cooler

You can read the latest on the garden over on Gratitude and Growth.

The graphic for yesterday’s post said it all.

We are now in survival mode. So much for any hope for the future, or that I could actually do the work I want to do.

To say I am angry and disgusted is an understatement.

This is probably the last election I have the opportunity to vote in during my lifetime. Even if there is another “election” in 2028, the right to vote may have been stripped. I stand by my vote, and am glad I voted for a better future, even if millions of Americans did not. They can’t hide behind excuses this time. They can’t pretend it was about the price of eggs or about frustration with the “system.” They chose hate. They chose it because they like the way it makes them feel.

The next 20-40 years is on them. Unfortunately, we are the collateral damage.

But now it’s about survival. I’m not sure how the survival will happen, but that’s what it’s about.

Tuesday, needless to say, was a chaotic day. I managed to get a large grocery shopping done. Some stuff I ordered arrived. I’ll enjoy it, since I won’t be ordering anything for the foreseeable future. I renewed my AAA membership, because, you know, old car, will need help. I got a lot of work done for A4A. I enjoyed the warmth and sunshine. Might as well grab these small moments while they exist.

Went to gentle yoga, and I am glad that I did. I needed it.

Came home and cooked gnocchi, Brussel sprouts, and bacon, a new-to-me recipe. It was good, but not as great as I would have liked.

Spent the rest of my night getting my heart broken.

Got a couple of hours’ sleep, then up and trying to deal with things and make decisions. I scheduled my COVID shot for next Thursday morning. It will probably be the last time we can get these vaccines, so I want to make sure I get mine. I put in a request for a meeting with the health care navigator, hopefully for the following week, to get next year’s insurance sorted out, so at least we are covered for that through next year. After 2025, I doubt any of us will be able to afford insurance, unless we are corporate CEOs. Had some good news about a library program I will be involved in with several other collaborators next autumn. The date is set, and we are moving forward.

Wanted to apply to a bunch of jobs, but Indeed now insists you have to allow them access to your phone number and accept text messages from recruiters.  No. Just no. I have other sources to which to pitch. Also, it was hard to concentrate.

I did send out a couple of LOIs, and updated the STRANGERS IN THE SNOW links on the Delectable Digital Delights page. Handled some admin work.

It’s time to be both practical and tactical. It is a time to be grimly resolute. We have a couple of months to stockpile some resources and dig in. Once IT (because IT is not human and I will only refer to that creature as IT moving forward) takes office, we have to be ready for anything, and expect the worst. Because it will be even worse than we can imagine.

I am not “coming together to heal.” I am not working bi-partisanly. Anyone who supports IT gets nothing from me. No grace, no time, no energy. If and when I am forced to deal with IT supporters because of health care and other programs/issues that will be destroyed, I will be cordial and that is it. When I am physically threatened (because there is no avoiding that), I will attempt to disengage, but if that’s not possible, I will act decisively.

It is time to look to our foremothers who worked and fought and survived before the 19th Amendment was passed. Get the physical books while you can and keep them safe, preparing for the day when they will be removed from library shelves (if we even have libraries).

We can’t do everything. We have to pick our battles, and those will be different for each of us. We need to spell each other to get some rest when and where we can. We need to embody Tricia Hersey’s principle of “rest is resistance.” (I’m having visions of national nap-ins, but that’s at least a generation down the road).

They have been planning the next civil war since the last one, and actively implementing their plans since Reagan. Here we are.

The other thing to do is, whenever and wherever we can, live and love with fierce joy.

That is the best way to survive. Yes, there’s a lot of work to do, there will be death and violence and grief. So we love and love and LOVE. We laugh where we can. We are careful who we let in. We want and need to be inclusive and protect the most vulnerable; we also have to make sure no more of ITs supporters embed and destroy us from within the way they have up to now. We work on our local governments, and our communities, and hope those ripples can reach far enough to touch each other.

We find and nurture true leaders for the future.

I will enjoy whatever I can in my life for as long as I can.

On a practical level yesterday, I started running out of steam by about lunch time. I turned around a couple of tiny coverages. I did some work for A4A. I hope to get it finished and out the door today.

I checked in with various friends and cohorts, letting them know that yes, we’re not okay, but I’m grateful they’re in my life.

My instinct was to hunker down, but I decided to go to tarot in the afternoon. Most of us there had had that same hunkering instinct, but made the decision we needed to be together. We were glad we did. We need each other now, and moving forward. We will be grieving for a long time, probably for the rest of my lifetime at the very least. We need to experience everything we feel and not try to push it aside or deny it, or it will come back with a fury when we can least cope.

Came home, cooked dinner, crashed on the couch and read for a little bit. Charlotte and Tessa stuck close. Willa ran around, knowing there’s tension, but not knowing why. Bea creeps closer, close enough to sniff and then pull back, not wanting to be petted, but wanting to be close. My mom is upset and worried she will lose her social security. Hopefully, social security won’t be abruptly halted in the next couple of years, although it’s highly unlikely that I’ll ever see mine.

Went to bed early. Woke up at 2:30 this morning, shaking as though I had a fever. But it wasn’t a fever; I’d clenched myself so tightly in sleep that my body couldn’t take it anymore. Tried to relax and doze off again, but gave up by 5:30.

Hopefully, our meditation leader shows up for meditation this morning. We need the sangha. I have to say I’m pleased by the way various yoga and meditation organizations stepped up yesterday to offer comfort and care.

On today’s agenda, I will try to either write or work on marketing. TAPESTRY releases next Tuesday no matter what, so I damn well have to market, even with the world burning down (although I will wait until Monday to start). I need to do the videos for MURDER BELLS, for STRANGERS IN THE SNOW, and do multi-project marketing for both Nina Bell books and for the holiday shorts. I still have bills to pay.

I hope more coverages come in (I’m trying not to panic); if not, I will turn around the next book for review. I will finish up the materials A4A needs. I may go to yoga, if I can get my act together. I’m going to try to get out some more LOIs today. It’s the last week of rehearsal for my show (and yes, I checked in with my actors yesterday). Next Tuesday, we record.

I’m sure my emotions will be all over the place again, and I will be okay with that.

Take care, be well, and know you matter.

Wed. Nov. 6, 2024