Devon Ellington's Blog, page 113

Mon. June 21, 2021: Things Keep Changing (Update)

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Monday, June 21, 2021

Waxing Moon

Pluto Retrograde

Saturn Retrograde

Mercury Retrograde

Jupiter Retrograde

Hot and humid

Guess why I’m posting this? The movers pushed our load out day out by one day.

So we busted our asses until nearly midnight last night and collapsed. . .and no movers today.

It was a hellish weekend of packing, purging, feeling overwhelmed. Also, my main remote job is dragging their feet on payment. The last two payment cycles were early. This is now late. And this is the time I really counted on it. I specifically took on extra work the first two weeks of June because I knew it would be loony tunes for the last two.

But, anyway, there’s still a fuckton of purging and getting stuff to storage that needs to happen. So, we’re doing some of it today, instead of just waiting until we come back down later in the week to do it.

Although I’m bone weary and everything hurts, so I’m not moving as fast as I should.

At least Mercury goes direct tomorrow, once we’re loaded up, so, although the day could be chaotic, Wednesday should be better for driving and unloading.

Let landlords on both ends know what’s going on, rescheduled my Spectrum internet equipment pickup. Which took nearly an hour, because Spectrum might just be worse than Comcast, something I didn’t think was possible.

Headed out to storage; will do a dump run, and also pull some stuff up from the basement that’s going to the dump, and then work on some other packing/purging/organizing.

On the way back from storage, stopped in Mashpee at Asia for takeout. Yummy! I sat there, deconstructing it, so I can make it at the new place. There’s supposedly a good Asian grocery store in Pittsfield, and another good one in Hadley (the nearest Trader Joe’s is in Hadley).

Our lamps are packed, so as soon as it gets dark, off to bed!

Summer Solstice was yesterday, and we used the light as long as we could (all the lamps were already packed upstairs), and then kept packing downstairs, where there are a few overheads, and some lamps I didn’t pack until this morning – when I had to do an emergency run to Home Depot for the right size box.

Our lovely next-door neighbor is making dinner for us tomorrow and dropping it by once the movers leave. I was so grateful, I nearly cried.

But then, I’ve been a waterworks for the last few months.

Anyway, I’m at the state of exhaustion where I’m about to become babbling and incoherent, so I’ll stop now, and update when I can.

Peace, friends, and hold a good thought.

Mon. June 21, 2021: Moving Out Day

im

(image courtesy of Fabianne Sibbio via pixabay.com)

Today is the day we move out of the little red house in Centerville, where we’ve lived for just over a decade. I’m so exhausted and overwhelmed that I can’t even process those emotions.

My intent for the week is surviving the move.

Catch you on the other side.

Fri. June 18, 2021: The Saga Continues

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Friday, June 18, 2021

Waxing Moon

Pluto Retrograde

Saturn Retrograde

Mercury Retrograde

Sunny and pleasant

We’ve been really lucky these past few days, with driving and the weather. The trips to and from the Berkshires were relatively smooth. Some road construction delays, but, in general, not bad.

We are, however, exhausted. 1200 miles total, 24 hours in the car total. Even spread over three days, it’s a lot. With the packing and hauling and all the rest.

The past couple of days, the maintenance guys have come along to chat as we unloaded. Nice guys. We thanked the guy who cleaned the apartment and got it ready for us. He was delighted to see us moving lots of plants in. The painter is going to make sure there’s room for the moving truck on Tuesday. My new landlord owns a lot of properties in the neighborhood and keeps them working. So it’s all good.

And I like getting to know them. These are my new neighbors and colleagues. Yes, they’ll get cookies at holiday time!

We got the last carload of stuff up the stairs and tucked away, until the movers bring the big stuff. It was a motley assortment, and as I unpacked, sometimes I wondered what I’d been thinking when I packed.

So many of the books I wanted to bring up on the truck won’t make it. The separation anxiety from being disconnected to the books I regularly use is enormous, but I have to push that away and deal with it sometime in July.

The constant sense of failure that I’m doing a bad job on this move is eating at me, too. Again, I have to push it away to deal with what’s directly in front of me, and then handle it once we’re up there.

July will be about dealing with a lot of psychological fallout. Right now, I have to focus, push through the exhaustion, and get it done.

I’m so grateful to the people who donated to the GoFundMe. We’ve exceeded the goal. I’m going to take it down soon. The fact we’ve exceeded the goal gives us a bit of a cushion. The generosity and support from people (some of who’ve known me for years, others who never met me) humbles me.

I will find a way to pay it forward.

My only concern with the GoFundMe is the delay in receiving the funds. Even though I’m set up for daily withdrawals starting immediately, it can take up to a week for the funds to actually arrive.

And I’m still waiting to be paid for the script coverage job, which concerns me.

One thing I noticed – all the donors are women. Which makes me want to research whether there are funding organizations created by women who primarily fund women. There must be, somewhere. I’d like to do an article on them. If not, there’s a definite need.  The misogyny I faced in the loan process – for a little, bitty loan – was astonishing. If I faced that for a small loan, what kind of misogyny are other women facing for larger loans, home loans, medical loans, etc.? Especially with the way the pandemic forced so many women out of the workforce.

There’s also material for an article in the gap between what people actually NEED and what organizations who claim to help actually offer. And how organizations would rather just pass one along to another organization than actually DO anything.

I’m also tired of the pandemic excuse. Plenty of workers were forced to work through the pandemic, and the rest of us were forced back to work (here in MA) May 2020, when the stay-at-home was lifted (we were never quarantined, no matter how people moan). The mask mandate was lifted as of May 29 this year, and the state of emergency was lifted June 15.  Either these restrictions have been lifted and we proceed with caution, or we’re still at a standstill for ALL of us. These businesses and organizations playing both sides against the middle to force workers into unsafe conditions for a profit, while not delivering that for which they’re paid – no.

The pandemic is NOT over. The Delta variant is getting stronger. We’re still masking whenever we go inside a bank or a store. Yesterday, in line at CVS, I turned to the unmasked guy behind me who was hitting me in the back as he texted as told him to back up.

I’m nervous that the movers will screw me next week. I don’t trust them. Especially since I have to pay t hem in cash.

I trusted my other guys, the ones who moved me up here, because I’d used them before and because they gave me a binding quote.

Also, I don’t want them dicking around. If I could fill a 12-foot truck by myself in 3 hours, and, with the help of two other WOMEN get the big pieces in over 30 minutes, and the 3 of us unloaded in 40 minutes – I don’t want any of this 6- or 7-hour loading crap. We don’t have much furniture. The only heavy piece is the sofa bed. I want that truck packed FAST.

I’m glad Juneteenth is a holiday, but the feds celebrate today and the state on Monday, and I’m worried that will screw up the move and the banking and all the rest, too.

This weekend, we’re packing and prioritizing what goes on the truck, and doing more runs to storage. The only things left in the main portion of the house are what’s going on the truck.

Stuff for the dump run/dumpster will be in the garage. There will still be a lot o do in the basement and the storage area. But what goes up immediately will be sorted and organized and ready to load.

There will be long days, and it will be difficult to pack at night, because we took most of the lamps up and there are few overhead lights here.

But we will get it done because we have to.

Monday, the movers come up and load. We clean as we can.

Tuesday, they unload up at the new place. We are leaving between 4 and 5 in the morning, and should be able to meet them in time.

Later next week, we have to come back here and finish. Trust me, no one will want to break in and steal what’s left. Most of it is headed for the dumpster.

I have posts scheduled for next week, some of which might change as the situation changes. But this will be the last substantial post until sometime at the end of next week.

I have to finish a script coverage writeup this morning, and then, I don’t see how I can do any more until the end of the month. Which is a hit to my earnings. But I’m at my limits.

Thank you for all your support. I’m sure I’ll be posting on Twitter throughout.

Peace, friends, and see you on the other side.

Thurs. June 17, 2021: Third Road Trip

image courtesy of Rudy and Peter Skitterans via pixabay.com

Thursday, June 17, 2021

Waxing Moon

Pluto Retrograde

Saturn Retrograde

Mercury Retrograde

Sunny and pleasant

My 96-year-old mother didn’t sleep at all Tuesday into Wednesday. She fretted, and finally got up and packed, followed around by the cats.

I was out like a dead thing, and staggered around when I woke up at 3:30 AM.

We were on the road by 4:30, and made excellent time until we hit the road construction in Lee, and were sent on a detour without signs. But we figured it out.

Got to the apartment at 8:30, unloaded, made some placement decisions, had tea and a snack, and were back on the road just after 10.

Meanwhile, the loan people were trying to argue with me because I called them out. And refusing to deal with the misogyny. They pretend to “do good” but they’re just as corrupt as any other financial industry. Not to mention (again) their misogyny.

I am gathering all kinds of evidence for a blistering article once we’re moved, about non-profits that are more interested in getting intake numbers for their annual reports/funding grants than actually helping those they claim to help.

The GoFundMe is going, and here is the link. If you can toss in a few bucks, or share it, it’s greatly appreciated.

Came back, had to do some paperwork at the bank that we’d sent at the start of the pandemic, and which they’d ignored.

Came home, ate a pallid Lean Cuisines (my mother said it was “old lady food” and she preferred my cooking). Then started packing the weird assortment of stuff we’re taking up today. And cleaned out the fridge. The freezer’s next on the list.

We have the most awesome, enormous fridge/freezer unit at the new place. I’ll be able to make batches of dumplings and freeze them on trays before bagging them in batches.

Today is our last RT pre-move. I’m pretty wiped out, and barely holding on, but I’m doing it. I try to use the drive time as moving meditation and stress relief (in spite of all the bad drivers).

We’ll head up with this load, head back, and pack, sort, purge, and haul stuff to storage like maniacs for the next few days.

My big worry is that the movers will screw us next week, with extra charges. Deal with that as it happens, right? Once they’re paid, I’ll know how much I have for the dumpster and if I can get a little help for the last storage runs. The loan people really, really screwed me.

I’m also waiting for the script coverage payment. Figures the one time I need it to be at the early end of the window. . .it isn’t. The last two cycles, I was paid the day after the pay period ended.

Fingers crossed, and hoping for the best.

But the new place already feels like home and embraces us, and I’m trying to do a release ritual here to make it easier for us to get the heck out of dodge. I did so much work early on to put down roots, I’m having trouble getting free.

We’ll deal with the psychological fallout later.

Wish us another good trip, please. I’m so tired I can barely function. But we’ll do this, rest tonight, and dig in tomorrow with storage and dump runs and packingpackingpackingpackingpacking. . . .

Wed. June 16, 2021: Another Road Trip

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Wednesday, June 16, 2021

Waxing Moon

Pluto Retrograde

Saturn Retrograde

Mercury Retrograde

Sunny and pleasant

Most of yesterday was great, in spite of me being up by 2 AM.

Since we’d packed the car the night before, we were on the road at 5 AM. It was raining a bit, but traffic wasn’t bad. Except for the roadwork in Adams, we made decent time and were there by 9.

We got the keys and unloaded. The place is even more delightful than we remembered. The windows are huge, there’s so much light. A bunch of rooms and nooks and crannies, and I am seriously in love with the kitchen.

The bedrooms are about a quarter the size of the ones here, but hey, we’re in there TO SLEEP. I’ll have an office AND a sewing room. We love it.

We brought in the salt, bread, and wine first. Start off right! We unloaded and tucked things away so they wouldn’t be in the way when the movers unload. We sat in our little camp chairs by the (fake) fireplace, nibbling on bread and tea and looking at measurements and deciding where to put things.

And, for a few wonderful moments, were happy and stress-free.

Unloaded, headed back down. Traffic was worse the other way.

Found out a relocation loan we’d been promised would be in the bank yesterday has been rescinded because they don’t believe a daughter can be named for her mother. We have the same first name (and surname) with different initials. Different social security numbers, drivers license numbers, etc. But the loan people say it “doesn’t match” and doesn’t believe there can be two of us. I pointed out that if I was a man with my father’s name and “jr” it wouldn’t be an issue. It’s misogyny, pure and simple. Red flags were already up when I had to send them the same information three or four times, and they’d say the application was complete and the money would be transferred in 2-4 days, and then, after those days passed, asked for the exact same information I’d already sent.

It’s not even that much. They’re acting like it’s the GDP of a small country.

Anyway, I had to set up a GoFundMe, which makes me feel, yet again, like a total failure. The link is here, and I’m hoping people will just toss in five or ten bucks and it will add up.

I descended into the depths of Lean Cuisine Hell because I’m too damn tired to cook. It’s edible. Not brilliant, but edible, and gets us through the next few days.

Repacked the car, and to bed early. We hit the road for another RT today.

Peace friends. If I can just get the hell off Cape, all will be better.

Tues. June 15, 2021: On The Road

(image courtesy of Pexels from pixabay.com

Tuesday, June 15, 2021

Waxing Moon

Pluto Retrograde

Saturn Retrograde

Mercury Retrograde

Supposed to be a little rainy

I’m scheduling this to post. I used to have a VW beetle like the one pictured, but it was red. My VW rabbit is about this shade of blue, though.

Yesterday went much better than expected. Picked up the rental truck at Cape Cod Auto & Transport. They were Soooooo nice – told me not to worry about when I dropped it off, just leave the key in the drop box. So the “reservation assistant” caused me a day of stress for no reason.

Truck was easy to drive. Even got it backed into the driveway (with my landlord’s help).

I spent the morning loading in all the boxes by myself. It wasn’t that bad. I’d staged a bunch in the garage – and had them packed in 15 minutes. So I’d bring a stack up to the garage from the basement, take a 5-minute break, load them into the truck, take a 5-minute break, load the next stack, etc. I had all the boxes in before my neighbors showed up, and it was just a few pieces of furniture.

We drove to Bourne, and had it all unloaded and packed in the storage unit in 40 minutes.  And there’s plenty of room for everything else we need to put in. What a relief!

Drove back, filled the truck with gas, dropped it off. Loaded the car with our first batch for the new place.

This morning, we hit the road by 5 AM, get our keys, unload, take some measurements, drive back down, and reload the car.

I’m looking forward to it! Let’s hope today goes smoothly. Lots of driving, but getting the keys to the new place is a big step.

Peace, friends, and thanks for all the support. It truly makes a difference.

Mon. June 14, 2021: Out of Options

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Monday, June 14, 2021

Waxing Moon

Pluto Retrograde

Saturn Retrograde

Mercury Retrograde

Cloudy and cool

Instead of an intent, I’m just trying for basic survival.

We had a good run to storage Friday morning, and then went back to packing/sorting. I did a dump run – a huge amount of recycling, and 5 bags of garbage. I also had nearly a half carload full of clothes that I donated, which felt good. Wrote and sent off my review.

 I lost most of Friday afternoon dealing with agencies who claim to help in situations like this, especially seniors – going through hours of paperwork and process only, at the end, to be told we won’t be helped because we’re moving off Cape.

They could have told us that at the beginning, when I upfront said to where we were moving, and not wasted my time.

But that’s Cape Cod – insular, arrogant, and greedy.

Had to do the script coverage work, too. Since I can’t work much the next two weeks, I have to push hard right now.

I was wiped out and discouraged by Friday night.

Saturday, we did a storage run in the rain. A shelving unit I planned to make use of in the storage facility fell apart in the car, and I couldn’t get it back together in the rain on the pavement. So I brought it back, and it will go to the dump.

Checked with friends who offered to help me move things into storage, and they confirmed they would/could help. Booked a rental truck for this morning, pretty much the only truck left this month on Cape.

During the course of the morning, all of the people who promised to help backed out.

Thought I’d hired a couple of guys to help, but they got a better offer from a rich waterfront property in Osterville, and cancelled on me. At least they cancelled, rather than just not showing up. Can’t get anyone else in my price range.

So, this morning, I pick up a rental truck and I load as much as I can by myself, and then maybe beg the neighbors to help me load the last few items I can’t lift, and maybe someone will come and help me unload.

The truck HAS to be back by 4 PM, and I don’t see how that’s possible. I don’t think I can get it back until 5.

I’m so discouraged.

I can’t physically DO everything myself. It’s not possible. And the people I can afford to hire are booked; the ones available have jacked up their rates for the summer.

I don’t know what to do.

These agencies who claim to send people to help seniors? They help them change a lightbulb. They have phone conversations once a week. They refer you to a “senior relocation manager” who charges a hefty fee to handle the movers from whom she gets a kickback.

That’s not help.

Anyway, Saturday was a good day for purging the basement. Tossed a lot of stuff, organized the boxes for today. I’m trying to keep them now to something that I can lift and maneuver, since I have to do it all myself.

Pluto Retrograde Revelation (what’s hidden is revealed): People’s true natures.

Saturn Retrograde Revelation (life lessons): Can’t count on anybody.

Mercury Retrograde Revelation: I’m fucked (but then, I knew that going into doing a move during Mercury Retrograde, that it would be more difficult).

One of the things that bothers me about not being able to count on people here is that, in the past decade, I have invested thousands of volunteer hours in various organizations within the community. For one organization alone, one year, I did over 1000 hours. Another organization got in-kind donations of professional services for five years, that, had I billed, even at a nonprofit rate, was valued at $150,000 total.

And yet, when I’m the one who needs help, crickets.

Logically, I know that’s not the way it works; volunteer hours are just that, volunteer. You give without expecting anything in return. But it would be nice to know that I banked some good karma from it and could get some help.

I’m tired of being punished because I’m not rich, and, since early on in our tenure here, that’s been the norm. When we arrived, people were friendly and welcoming until they found out we weren’t going to be an ATM.

The only time I’ve felt more isolated and abandoned was the year I lived in Seattle, back in the mid-80’s.

Got some more packing done in my room, too, and we’re sorting what we need to take up to the new place starting tomorrow.

To note how the neighborhood has devolved: By 9 PM Saturday night, one jerk was running a chainsaw; another moron did his nightly leaf blowing; an idiot was shooting at the coyotes (too poor a shot to hit them, and they’re too smart, but I was worried he’d hit the car or the house – or us); another numbnut was setting off illegal fireworks in the street.

I’m sick of it.

Slept Saturday into Sunday out of sheer exhaustion. Did another major dump run Sunday morning – only 2 bags of garbage, but the rest of the car filled with recycling.

Worked on script coverage. Signed my contract with Llewellyn for 2023.

Did a big dump run early in the morning; not that much garbage, lots of recycling. Spent the day working to clear out the storage room; tossing a lot, staged a lot of boxes in the garage so I can load the truck. I still have to get some of the heavy boxes up from the basement, because they have to go first.

And people giving me the self-care lecture and don’t work too hard – I HAVE NO FUCKING CHOICE BECAUSE NO ONE WILL HELP ME!!!!

Stop the self-indulgent, elitist bullshit. I am doing as much as I can, but I HAVE NO OPTIONS.

The plan for this morning is to pick up the truck, load in as much as I can, and hopefully the neighbors who promised to help this afternoon won’t bail on me, too. Otherwise, I’m lost. And if I can’t work out a way to get the truck/keys back after hours, I’m lost there, too.

I’m feeling pretty lost anyway. I broke down and cried often yesterday.

But I am looking forward to taking the first carload of stuff up tomorrow to North Adams, getting the keys, and getting that part of the move into gear.

Peace friends, and please, hold a good thought for me.

Fri. June 11, 2021: Overwhelmed By Boxes

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(Image courtesy of MediaModifier via pixabay.com)

Friday, June 11, 2021

Waxing Moon

Pluto Retrograde

Saturn Retrograde

Mercury Retrograde

Sunny and pleasant

Busy day yesterday. Got a load over to storage, picked up the boxes from Home Depot, got a huge load of stuff to the dump (including 4 crates of glass to recycling), took 9 crates of books to the library. Got out the coverage due. Worked in the storage room, pulled/packed/purged. Filled another carload and took it over to storage.

At the dump, I was heaving the big bags of garbage into the dumpster when a guy drove up on the other side, tossed his bags in, then leaned on the edge of the dumpster and started mansplaining to me about how if I couldn’t lift the bags, I shouldn’t fill them so much. I ignored him.

But one of the workers strode over and said, “If she can’t, I do.” He took the bag from me and threw it in, then looked at the guy and said, “As you should have.”

The guy sputtered, got into his truck, and drove away.

When I thanked the employee, he said, “It’s not just because you bake us cookies; you always treat us as human beings.”

A nice moment in a stressful day.

Picked up some groceries. The prepared food I’d bought for us the previous day was subpar, so, like it or not, we’re better doing our own.

Packed boxes in the kitchen. A bunch of them will have to go into storage temporarily, and we’ll have to drive back down in August, September, and October to get a bunch of stuff. It just won’t fit on the truck.

Interrupted by the agencies that supposedly “help” seniors do this; instead of helping, it’s about dragging it out, endless paperwork, and making the applicant feel as humiliated as possible.

At least it wasn’t that hot.

But what still needs to be done is overwhelming, especially since I’m having trouble booking anyone to come and help.

Chip away at the iceberg, right? That’s all I can do.

I finished the book for review – 460 excruciating pages. The review goes out today, along with the invoice, and then I take a two week break during the move.

I have three scripts to read today, and one coverage for something I read on Wednesday that has to go out.

Big push this weekend, to get as much done as possible. We’re trying to stage what we’re driving up, the priority boxes for the truck, and the rest that has to go into storage. There’s no damn room.

And I don’t know how I’m going to get the big things to the dump. There’s plenty I want to purge; it’s ridiculous how much they charge for it.

Keep at it.

Hold a good thought.

Thurs. June 10, 2021: Trying to Climb the Packing Mountain

(image courtesy of Pete Linforth via pixabay.com)

 

Thursday, June 10, 2021

New Moon

Solar Eclipse

Pluto Retrograde

Saturn Retrograde

Mercury Retrograde

Sunny and cooler

There’s a quick post on the garden over at Gratitude and Growth.

Yesterday was a mixed day. I was shaking from exhaustion by the time I woke up at 2:30, although I did get some sleep. I moved to the couch for about an hour at 3:30, to calm Charlotte. By 4:30, I was at my desk, working on script coverage and putting in some more help requests to agencies who supposedly help seniors with things like relocation/storage, etc.

We were on the road by 7:15, headed over the bridge to Plymouth to the mechanic. I was terrified we were in for a major car repair, not just an oil change and getting the headlamp fixed. Turned out that those COVID-denying jerks who did the last oil change here on Cape stripped the screw that kept fluids in (not the oil, but other stuff) and didn’t tighten it all the way, so that’s why we’ve been leaking fluids. If they’d tried to tighten it too much, it would have been a multi-thousand dollar repair, with the stripping. However, since the mechanic could unscrew it without using any tools, it was the replacement of a $4 part.

We got lucky. This time.

But I have to find a good mechanic in the Berkshires.

Worked on reading script coverage. I have four coverages to write today, or I fall behind. I have to push a lot these last few days leading up to the 15th, because I won’t be able to read much during the move. I don’t know how much I can read the first few days we’re there, especially if we have to come back down to clean.

I was so exhausted when we came home that I had to lie down for a few minutes, before we started back on the packing. We decided not to run to storage, but, instead, to focus on packing. That’s what we did. Sort of piecemeal all over the house, but we got quite a bit done.

I ordered a specific kind of box I needed that’s only available around here from Home Depot. It was supposed to take an hour to curbside pickup. They finally contacted me at 7 PM that I could pick it up this morning.

I ordered the boxes at 9:30 AM. So much for an hour.

Brought in both lunch and dinner. Mediocre, but at least I didn’t have to cook it. It was awfully hot and humid, which made the packing harder. We had to stop to hydrate, and put on cold cloths. My left knee and hip are giving me problems, too.

Started reading the book for review. I need to get that done and out by Friday. It’s not a good book, sadly.

My contract for the 2023 annuals came through. I have to sign it and return it today. But at least I know I’m contracted, and it’s for one of my favorite publications.

There’s so much to do and so little time left, so we are just plugging away. That’s all we can do.

Peace, friends, and hold a good thought that, somehow, we will survive this. I’m worried about my mom. She’s 96, and this is the hardest move we’ve ever done.

I’ve started and stopped a half a dozen rants, but nothing is appropriate for this space at this time. I am, however, going to write an essay once we’re moved about greed and non-reciprocity. That’s a far better way to channel the energy.

Right now, I just have to get things done.

Wed. June 9, 2021: Transition Day 14 — Mounting Stress

imagimage

Wednesday, June 9, 2021

Dark Moon

Pluto Retrograde

Saturn Retrograde

Mercury Retrograde

Sunny and hot

The above image is by Gerd Altmann via Pixabay. WP isn’t letting me put in captions anymore.

Another hellish day.

I thought I had the dumpster all sorted out. Booked, payment information, “guaranteed flat rate.” Then, the confirmation sheet comes through with “additional per piece charges” for the things I wanted the dumpster for in the first place. Which are double if I hauled them to the dump myself or hired a guy with a truck and rode shotgun to pay at the dump.

I wasted yet more hours trying to get quotes on dumpsters and haulers, losing precious packing time. One guy gave me a ridiculous quote, plus add-ons, and when I questioned them, smirked and said, “That’s what you get for not being smart enough to land a husband.”

Asshole. Typical Cape Cod.

I’d use Rent-A-Husband to negotiate, but there’s no franchise around here, and I’d have to negotiate with them to get them to negotiate.

I’ve contacted every agency that’s supposed to help with seniors and with housing and with budget limitations, and nothing. Most of the time, not even a response. I’m at my wit’s end. I’m already overwhelmed with what has to be done, and now there are more and more and more financial demands.

When we moved here, EVERY DAY, guys would knock on the door, begging to be hired to clean or do yard work or fix something or do a dump run at a flat, low fee.  I mean, I’m glad people are working and getting paid, so they don’t have to go door-to-door, but this piecemeal, add-on, faux-rate stuff is awful.

We’re purging like crazy, and can’t even afford to throw out the trash, because of the way the fees are structured. I looked into buying a year sticker at the dump, thinking it would be cheaper – but I’m limited to 8 bags a week. It used to be a sticker meant unlimited bags.

The landlord was here before 7:30 in the morning, sanding and making noise (he’d said it would be 8:30). I have to say, it makes me nervous to see him with one foot on the ladder, and one knee on the deck’s roof. He’s in his 70’s.

NONE of this needs to be done right now. It can wait until we’re gone.

We ran a load of stuff to storage in the morning. We didn’t get on the road until 8, so it was busier and took longer than if we’d left at 7:30. Came back, handled the  quote issues, lost more packing time, packed more, cried a lot, requested more quotes, put in more help requests to agencies who are supposed to help seniors with stuff like this, tried to get some work done, packed even more, loaded up the car again and took another load to storage.

There’s finally a dent in the storage room, and that makes me feel better, and there’s even clear space in my room (which Tessa thoroughly enjoys).

Worked on clearing the garage and rearranging areas in the garage – one for stuff that I need help moving into storage, one for stuff that’s going on the dump run/into dumpster/or I’m running to the dump myself.

It feels good to get rid of stuff.

I don’t know what to do with my old LPs. They’re not in great shape. I have 5 crates of them. It’s not a particularly impressive collection, so I’m thinking of just tossing them, although I’ve kept my record player.

Then, there are the boxes that a neighbor left with me in NYC in 1995. He was very, very sick, estranged from his family, and a friend moved him to Texas. He was going to tell me when he was ready for me to ship the boxes, and I never heard from him again. I’m pretty sure he’s dead, although I haven’t found an obituary, and no one responds from the address he gave me. I’ve carted those boxes through every move since, stored them, and never opened them. I don’t know what to do with them. Twitter pals suggest opening them and either tossing or donating.

Oh, and THAT – no one is picking up donations, so if I want to donate, I have to take it to the designated shacks at the dump – AND PAY TO DO SO. I’m paying to donate items. Which is wrong on so many levels, but typical Cape Cod.

I had to stop at one point and do some script coverage. I’ve had to take on extra work, because I will lose most of the last two weeks of this month – when I desperately need money coming in.

National Grid is being a pill about winding up my gas account here, although I did manage to get the new apartment’s electricity account in my name. Berkshire Gas was delightful. The woman with whom I set up the account was delightful, and told me I have “the best landlord around” which was nice to hear. I have to contact Eversource today about winding up the electricity here. The address change went in at the post office. I contacted the North Adams library about protocols and getting a new card when we get there and got the nicest response ever from them, with the steps, the hours, their safety protocols, and they said they can’t wait to meet me.

We are going to a really good place for us IF WE CAN DAMN GET THERE.

I collapsed from exhaustion and actually slept last night (the previous night, I fell asleep at 8:30 and was awake by 11:30). My mom hasn’t been sleeping at all, and suffering from leg cramps. She’s 96. I’m worried the move is killing her, and she’s worried I’ll collapse from the stress of all the assholes.

On top of all of that, I have to bring the car in to be repaired today. If that’s a big bill, I’m really up a creek.

So, the stresses mount. If I can just get us OUT of here, we’ll be fine.

Hold a good thought, please.

Two weeks from today, we SHOULD wake up in the new place, if we can get the hell out of here.