Devon Ellington's Blog, page 112

Wed. July 7, 2021: Home

image courtesy of Sophie Ilvarinen via pixabay.com

Wednesday, July 7, 2021

Waning Moon

Pluto, Saturn, Jupiter, Neptune Retrograde

Cloudy and humid

I am home.

Aren’t those beautiful words?

I spent the holiday weekend on Cape, finishing the clearing out. Most of what was left over ended up in the dumpster, although I salvaged a enough for 7 carloads that went into storage over the various days.

My lovely neighbors down the street helped me pack the dumpster on Saturday and Sunday. They’re very efficient, dumpster geniuses, and we got it all in. Monday, once I finished the storage runs, was about cleaning.

The cleaning took a lot. The basement, where boxes had gotten damp and stained the walls, needed the most work, but I used a bleach mixture and it’s better. It still needs repainting, but hey, it’s been ten years.

As I cleaned, an alarmed face showed up in the streaks. I should have taken a photo of it. It wasn’t exactly Taco Jesus, but it was interesting. (“Taco Jesus” was the name of a play I stage managed way back in the 80’s at the One Act Theatre Company of San Francisco, with in the lead).

There’s still a lot of processing to do, and I will do that, and decide what I’m comfortable publicly sharing. Lots of emotion involved in all of that. But it was easier to do without my mom underfoot and every toss out becoming an argument.

I was also frustrated cleaning, because I’d clean something, and 5 minutes later it looked worse. I had to clean all the baseboards again in the house. I’d cleaned them the day the movers cleared out the furniture. Here it was, less than two weeks later, in an empty house, and they were filthy again. I don’t get it.

I scrubbed and cleaned all day. Of course, the landlord called me at 5 to see how I was doing. I was ready to go just after 6. The key exchange was nice enough, although, even though he’s keeping the security deposit, he wanted to charge extra for these five days of clearing out. No, honey, that’s what the security deposit is for. Plus, I could have just walked away and left him to deal with it; according to MA state law, he couldn’t just toss everything. He would have had to photograph and inventory everything and store it for 60 days until I claimed it. But I did not do that. I came and dealt with it myself. He gave me the water bill – although he’s paying a portion of it, for the water used for the lawn. Again, that could come out of the security deposit. He’s making noise about charging me above the security deposit, if he finds things cost more.

No. The place needs painting. It hasn’t been painted in 10 years. Most of the paint has held up very well. There’s a little wear and tear, and some damage where I removed the Pennsylvania Dutch Hex Signs we fastened on the walls when we moved in – damage because the hardware store guy sold me an adhesive he promised wouldn’t damage the walls, but, like everything else he told me, that was wrong.  Aside from the staining and some dry wall shrinkage in the basement, and the ding in the wall at the bottom of the stairs caused by the movers, the place is not in bad shape. It needs paint, and it needs a professional scrub. The central vac didn’t have any suction – mostly because the landlord never ordered the special bags it needs (it’s original to the house) and never told me where I could get them. Our vacuum went on the moving truck, so I was using a broom and dustpan, and also using my little hand vac. I Rug Doctored the heck out of the carpets.

What it really needs are bathroom renovations and new windows, but we know that’s not happening coming from them, and I’m not paying for that.

There were plenty of things in the ten years we lived there that the landlord “never got around to.” I’m not paying for those.

Let him jump on the Short Term Rental Greed Train. He’ll find out it’s not as easy as having a year round tenant. When holiday renters are paying top dollar for a property, they don’t want  something that’s original to the house just because it’s Cape Cod – especially since this house is 5 miles from the beach. They want better stuff than they have at home. He can blame me all he wants for not being able to rent out the place by July 4th weekend. But even if we’d gotten out at the end of April, the place wouldn’t be ready.

I was happy to drive out of there without looking back. It was about 6:30 by the time I finally got out of there.

I was practically numb with exhaustion trying to get over the Sagamore Bridge. I’d only had an egg for breakfast and some watermelon for lunch. It took 40 minutes to get over the bridge, and, according to the radio, it kept backing up.

There was another backup around Middleboro, but then it wasn’t too bad.

I managed to get to Sturbridge by 9-ish, to my favorite inn, The Publick House. I stumbled in, begging for a room in the lodge, the section that has all the goofy toile wallpaper and the little balconies.

The lodge was sold out to a special group.

I was ready to cry. I was too tired to go any farther.

But, I’m a regular guest there, sort of. I’m in their system. So they offered me a room in Tillyear House, at a big discount, which only made it about $20 more than staying in the lodge.

I said yes.

It was a lovely room. Enormous, with two queen beds with soft mattress toppers, a huge bathroom with a tiled shower, a reading/writing area, and giant TV.

First thing I did was take a shower, slather on their wonderful bath products, and feel like a human being again.

Of course, I had no real food. I had leftover chips and cookies, and the remnants of the wine I’d bought to wind down in the evenings when I camped in the empty house. So I had chips and wine, and watched Food Network and HGTV for an hour or so, until I was tired enough to fall asleep.

I slept. I woke up around 5, the latest I’ve slept in months. I lounged in bed until about 6:30, then got dressed. I’m so sick of cargo pants I can’t stand them anymore (they made the most sense during the move). Fortunately, I’d thrown some other clothes into my bag, so I put those on. I’d thrown one of my Ipsy bags in my purse, so I even had a little makeup, so I didn’t look like death warmed over.

Hopped next door to the bakery to get my complimentary breakfast of coffee, blueberry muffins, coffeecake squares. Took it back to my room, ate, wrote in my journal. Enjoyed having finished the house.

I was tired enough to want to go back to bed, but I got my act together and was back on the road by 9. The woman at the desk and I had a lovely talk, and she encouraged me to come back for my birthday weekend in March. If the weather’s not bad, I just might book myself in there for a weekend of reading, writing, and spa time, in Tillyear house. Much as I love the funky little lodge, it was nice to indulge in one of the fancier rooms.

Traffic wasn’t too bad, although once I left the Pike at Lee, the last hour to home took a little longer because there was more traffic than at 7 AM when I usually breezed through. But I got home around 11:30. Mom and cats happy to see me.

It took awhile to unload the car, because it was full of weird bits and pieces from the clearing out. I took breaks in between, due to the humidity. But I got it all done. Then I fell asleep on the couch for a few hours.

Got up, made dinner, and went to bed early.

The cats woke me a little before 5 this morning, demanding breakfast. Tessa marched out of her bastion near the front porch, all the way down the long hall to the kitchen, demanding to speak to the manager, because breakfast was late, and That Will Not Do.

A client contacted me yesterday about a possible steady writing gig. I was too incoherent to respond, but I will do so today, and we’ll see if that works out. I will start up again with the script coverage work today, and also let my book review editor know I’m ready for the next book.

There’s a lot of unpacking to do; we will do so slowly, and figure out where we want things. Shift and re-shift things around a bit. We need to do a good grocery shop.

Hopefully, I can re-read some of my own writing later in the day; I want to get back to my first 1K of the day early on in the next few days.

I need to ease in, instead of jump in, due to exhaustion. I have to prioritize the paying work, because I’ve lost three weeks’ of work due to the move and clearing out. Bills are already starting to come in, and I want to make sure everything is paid on time.

I have to process the emotions of the move, and of the friction between the life I thought I wanted on Cape Cod and the reality of life on Cape Cod. That will take time. I have to create new, sustainable routines for life here, and explore my new area.

While I need to work steadily to earn a living, I also want a balance. I need rest, and I want to enjoy my life. I am going to be much more cautious about getting involved with any local groups or organizations here – it will take me some time to recover from the burnout from the organizations on Cape Cod. I don’t care about being a good sport or fitting in anymore – I’m going to figure out how to craft the life I want, and people can either accept those boundaries or fuck right off.

I’m beyond tired, but I’m also relieved that the move is done, and I’m looking forward to building a positive next act here in the Berkshires.

Thank you so much to all of you who cheerleaded (cheerled?) and contributed to the GoFundMe, and, in general, supported me through a difficult time. I am filled with gratitude.

Fri. July 2, 2021: Feeling Like A Failure

image courtesy of FoundryCo via pixabay.com

Friday, July 2, 2021

Waning Moon

Pluto Retrograde

Saturn Retrograde

Jupiter Retrograde

Neptune Retrograde

Rainy and mild

It’s been the week from hell.

The trip back down last Monday was fine. We got back into the house and started packing/purging, etc. Still so much to do, and it was overwhelming. The heat and humidity didn’t help. We worked in the empty house, with no fans, and only some screens (because the landlord had removed other screens to sand/paint the windows).

The dumpster arrived in the afternoon, a beautiful thing.

Packed mostly boxes that had to go to storage on Tuesday. Wound up renting an additional storage unit for the stuff we want to come back down for in the autumn; hopefully, we can clean that unit out by October, and only carry the additional cost for a few months.

Tuesday was another hot/humid day. Did dump runs, more donations, more packing, more purging, started to organize the dumpster. The guys I hired arrived at 1, loaded up the two sets of things I’d sorted, we took them over to storage. The whole thing took only an hour and a half. They were great.

Came back, did more packing/purging/dumpster stuff. It’s still overwhelming.

Wednesday morning, our neighbors came over and helped pack the dumpster and clean out the garage. I need another dumpster. I couldn’t get it all done.

I called the landlord. He was, understandably, upset. But screaming at me that he could have rented that house next week for $10,000 was simply unrealistic. First of all, we’ve lived in it for 10 years. It needs more work than could be done over the holiday weekend. Especially considering all the stuff he never got around to doing that was promised over the past 10 years. Second, with those old bathrooms from Bathfitters and Formica counters in the kitchen, old fridge on its last legs – people are not going to pay top dollar for that. Yes, he could rent per week for several thousand dollars; but, even if we were out of the house on the 30th, it wouldn’t be by next week.

He also yanked out the bush that was Che Guevara Chipmunk’s home.

On the one hand, he’s angry that the house isn’t ready, and he can’t make weekly rental fees (something he used to say he didn’t want). On the other hand, he keeps saying how he can’t find anyone to hire, and has to do the work himself. He’s been working on the outside of the house this past month – an hour or two a day. He can’t physically get it all done by himself in a few days any more than I could physically get everything out by myself by the 30th.

Yes, I am definitely at fault here for not getting out on time; his anger and frustration are justified, and I am just as angry and frustrated with myself. But there is only so much I can do. I lost precious time trying to get us help from the organizations that were supposed to help us with the move; I lost more time because so much has to be done on other people’s schedules and takes so much damn time. Also, paying in order to make donations, and no one coming to pick them up has taken out a big chunk of my working time.

Also, we’ve lived there ten years. He’s made more than $100,000 on rent from us. The place hasn’t been painted since we moved in. There is some damage to the walls, where we hung things, but most of them are still in very good shape. We’ve lived with leaky windows that cost us a lot of extra cash in the winter to keep warm. The chimney’s never been cleaned in 10 years; we’ve never had the annual pest control we should have had; the back of the house was never painted when he had the front painted a few years back (and now, suddenly, that’s our fault? We told him the painters never came back).  When the one old fridge died, it was swapped out for the fridge that was original to the house, which is on its last legs; the carpets are 40+ years old, and while I will shampoo them because we have cats, they also need replacing.  We struggled for three years with a failing furnace until we got a new one, and that was done during a pandemic, with people traipsing in and out for estimates, etc., putting us at risk. So it’s not like everything that needs to be done that wasn’t done for the last ten years is our fault. We put in requests and things weren’t gotten around to until they were urgent. Most of the time, it was fine; stuff we could live with. But I’m not going to take the blame for it now.

Yes, not being able to get out on time is on me. I accept responsibility that I am a failure. No one is beating myself up about this more strongly than I am. But this is reality, and I have to deal with what’s in front of me and make it right. That’s what I’m trying to do.

I had hoped he’d take the next dumpster out of the security deposit, but I have to pay out of pocket. Another unexpected expense. So I’m keeping the GoFundMe fundraiser open again for a few more days to pay for that. We won’t be getting back any portion of our deposit, no matter how clean I leave the place.

Made arrangements for the dumpster swap, cleaned and packed more, got another load of stuff over to storage. My mom is fading and exhausted. She’s also creating more work for me, because she wants to help. I give her simple tasks that need to be done that aren’t taxing; she says she does them, but gets distracted and does something else (that has to be redone), and then there’s more work for me.

I’m also worried, because I haven’t been able to take on any work for two weeks, and now it will be three weeks. That’s a huge financial hit, and we have bills coming up.

Packed the car. We got a little bit of sleep, and were on the road just before 4 AM. The trip up was smooth, and we were home by 8 AM. The cats were fine and happy to see us (the arrangements we’d made for them in our absence worked).  Unloaded the car, and collapsed.

We unpacked part of the kitchen; we really need to do that in order to set up our kitchen table and give us some working room, so we can get going on the rest of the unpacking.

But we unpacked a bit, we rested; repeat.

The cats were happy to have it. It cooled down and started raining.

The postman stopped by with packages I’d mailed from the Cape. He then offered to drive back to the post office and pick up the packages we weren’t here to accept, and that’s what he did. How kind is that?

Turns out I had to dash down to the post office to mail the rent, because I couldn’t find our stamps that we bought just before coming up (bought for rent and bills). They are very nice there, but short staffed and every transaction was slow. But that’s okay; I wasn’t on a schedule.

I met a painter and a musician while waiting in line, and we discussed August Wilson, the playwright, because I bought the commemorative stamps. It was nice to talk about art. I want to be optimistic here; this seems like a place that’s more art-and-artist-oriented than the Cape. But then I remember how excited and delighted I was by everything when I first moved to the Cape, and it makes me tired. And jaded. I’m going to be cautiously optimistic, and not get caught up in things quite so fast, the way I jumped into doing things when we moved to the Cape.

That is fodder for another post in upcoming weeks.

Went to bed early; woke up early, feeling sick and exhausted. Everything hurts. I need to go to the grocery store to get my mom set up for the weekend. I head back down to Cape tomorrow morning. I have to stop at storage on my way in (losing more time) because I can’t get into my account to pay the bill that’s due tomorrow, and suddenly, they’re charging more for the second unit than they promised. Then, I’ll pick up the rug shampooer on my way in, and start the rug shampooing and that can dry while I work on the storage area. I plan to purge most of what’s left in the place; maybe salvage a few things. It’ll mean giving up lots and lots and lots of books, which breaks my heart, but that’s the reality.

It all has to be done by Monday night, so I can get the hell out of dodge by Tuesday morning. I won’t look back once I go over that bridge; I don’t want to turn into a pillar of salt.

I want to be able to return to visit, and to pick up stuff, with joy, not with sorrow or anger.

But first, I have to get this done.

Please hold a good thought for me, even though I probably don’t deserve it.

See you on the other side.

Thurs. July 1, 2021: Where Are We?

(image courtesy of Arek Socha via pixabay.com)

Did we get it done? If you’ve followed me on Twitter, you’ll know. Are we back up to start our new life yet, or still scrambling?

I don’t know, since this is scheduled to post.

Let’s hope we’re done, and resting.

Wed. June 30, 2021: Deadline Today

image courtesy of Steve Buissinne via pixabay.com

Today is it. We have to be out of the house, whether we’ve gotten it all done or not. Hold a good thought for us, please.

Tues. June 29, 2021: Life in DumpsterLand

image courtesy of christian via pexels.com

If all went to plan, the dumpster arrived yesterday afternoon and is getting a workout.

At 1 PM today, the guys arrive to cart the rest of our stuff to storage. Let’s hope I have it all sorted and packed.

Yesterday and today will be very long days.

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Mon. June 28, 2021: The Uphill Battle to Clear Out

image courtesy of Mohamed Hassan via pixabay.com

Monday, June 28, 2021

Waning Moon

Pluto Retrograde

Saturn Retrograde

Jupiter Retrograde

Neptune Retrograde

Hot and humid

We’re still going back and forth, in moving hell.

The movers showed up on the 22nd. They got the truck loaded in 3 hours, and off they went, which was great. We did a little packing and sorting otherwise, but were wrung out. I packed the car, except for the cats.

The cats were a little confused by the empty rooms, but as long as we were there, they weren’t too upset.

They were not happy to be caught and boxed the next morning, but we managed to be on the road a little before 4.

The trip was relatively smooth, although Tessa frequently demanded to see the manager, because she had a COMPLAINT.

Tessa took over in the empty apartment. Willa and Charlotte were unsure, but Tessa was fine.

However, when the movers finally arrived (an hour late, thanks to road construction), Tessa was unhappy again. We kept the cats in their playpens on the front porch while the movers unloaded – also very fast.

They did not add a bunch of extra charges, which was great.

We spent the afternoon resting and puttering. Charlotte is delighted by the new space. She just adores it.

We set up the back balcony to be a version of our Enchanted Garden. It’s quite lovely.

I broke one of my own rules, and we went to Walmart. Now, I will usually drive 150 miles out of my way not to shop at Walmart, and I have, but I had no capacity for anything left, and we needed a few things. So we went to the Walmart down the road, which looks new and clean.

What an awful store. We got a few things, but, really, don’t ever tell me people shop at Walmart because it’s cheap. Target’s prices are better, and so it their quality. Hell, Stop & Shop’s prices are better, and so is their quality.

But I sucked it up and we got what we needed. I cooked our first meal, and we ate out on the back balcony, at our little bistro table.

Heaven.

Went to bed early. Slept well for the first time in months. Tessa and Charlotte both want my room to be part of their territory, although Tessa has claimed the front porch.

Thursday was about resting, unpacking a little, and puttering. The difference between me and my mom: she has to unpack her room first; I started unpacking the kitchen. I unpacked the pantry goods I’d accumulated during the pandemic – we will not have to shop for staples for a good, long time.

I picked up my Spectrum internet equipment (it was just down the street). Their constant upselling drives me crazy. ALL I WANT IS INTERNET, LEAVE ME THE F ALONE!

The self-install took two hours and six different technicians, but it works.

Then Comcast argued with me about the cancellation, because they “plan” to have coverage in the area “soon.” Honey, that doesn’t help me NOW with my work, so shut the F up and cancel the account.

Put together what we needed to take back to Cape. Up very early on Friday, on the road by 6:30 to miss the worst of the traffic around Worcester. We were back on Cape around 10:30, ran some errands, and back at the house by 11.

We spent the afternoon packing/purging, and I just ran out of steam by 8 PM. Couldn’t do any more. I finalized the dumpster and hired a couple of guys to help with a storage run on Tuesday. Got dinner from Osterville Fish Market – my mom craved their fish & chips, and I had the fish tacos. Delicious!

But we slept well, even on our little pallets.

Up early Saturday. Did a storage run. Did a dump run. Dropped off hazardous wastes. Dropped off more donations at the library. Mailed a few boxes to myself.

Finished packing the stillroom, which took more time than it should have. It’s hard to put all that stuff in storage, because I use it regularly. It’s also amazing how much we saved of things like glass jars and plastic containers. Tossed a lot.

A friend came and loaded his car full of Christmas decorations, which he will bring up to us later in the summer. Very kind of him.

Packed some more out of my closet, cleaned out the front closet. We will have to put the winter coats into storage. There’s no room in the car to get them up.

The basement, laundry room, and storage over the garage are still overwhelming. How am I going to get it all done, even getting rid of a lot?

Worked until about 9 PM Saturday, when I ran out of steam. I physically can’t do the hours needed to get it all done.

Up early on Sunday. Ran a load over to storage. Back and packed the car, and we drove up to the new place. The Pike was, for all intents and purposes, closed for road work, so we took Rt. 2. Really pretty until the Alp-like driving for the last 30 miles or so. If I wasn’t so exhausted, I wouldn’t mind.

Unloaded and were all settled in by noon. The cats were happy to see us. The apartment hadn’t gotten too hot.

I sat down on the sofa for a few minutes, and woke up four hours later.

I hope I can pull it together and get my head in the game to get this last push done.

This morning, we are headed back to Cape again, for the final push. The dumpster arrives at 3-ish. Hopefully, once we get that loaded, it will feel like we’re making progress.

I have to work as long and hard as I can to get the boxes sorted for storage. The guys come at 1 PM on Tuesday, whether or not I’m ready.

Then, it’s the last stuff to storage and cleaning. We have to be out on Wednesday. I will be so relieved to be up here for good as of July 1.

I am exhausted.

I am also grateful for all the support, especially during the times I’ve fallen into despair.

Normally, I wouldn’t be so specific about the comings and goings, for security reasons, but neighbors are keeping an eye on things here, and anyone dumb enough to break into the house on Cape would run screaming.

Peace, friends, and hold stamina and good energy thoughts for me over the next few days.

Fri. June 25, 2021

(image courtesy of StockSnap via pixabay.com)

Depending on whether Plan A, Plan B, or Plan C is implemented, there’s a good chance we are cleaning. Somewhere.

Thurs. June 24, 2021: Full Moon

(image courtesy of Florian Kurz via pixabay.com)

Full moon, Mercury’s direct, hopefully the move happened according to plan, and we are unpacking. Hold a good thought for us.

Wed. June 23, 2021: Moving In Day

(Image courtesy of wangxlaoye via pixabay.com)

This was supposed to be our recovery day, but with the adjusted schedule, this should be the day we are on the road with the cats before 5 AM and headed up to meet the movers to unload. Let’s hope they don’t come up with a lot of weird extra charges.

Tues. June 22, 2021: Revised Moving Out Day

o

(image courtesy of Mohammad Hassan via pixabay.com)

This is the revised load out day. Fingers crossed it goes well.

Hold a good thought for me that it all goes smoothly.

Mercury goes direct today, which could make things tricky, although it will be great to have it out of retrograde.