Sage Cohen's Blog, page 18

Transforming fear to courage: Tip #4

Try another way

When we set our sights on a goal and don't succeed, it's easy to tell ourselves a story that keeps us chained to this so-called failure. "I'm not [fill in the blanks with your own favorite insult here] enough to accomplish that," we may tell ourselves, then beat ourselves up with that story over and over and over, ensuring that we'll never try again. But it is just as easy to tell ourselves a different story when we didn't get what we wanted. And that story goes like this: "Well, that way didn't lead me to what I want. I will try another way."

These two sentences can be repeated for the next two days or two decades, however long it takes to find your way, that is, the way that takes you where you want to go. With this approach, there is no end point where we know for sure we can't and won't succeed. Instead, there is a spirit of practice and lighthearted fun. We are practicing getting somewhere and being creative about the ways and means of doing so. We are committed to the journey, and we are willing to keep moving in the direction we're headed, no matter what. With this kind of spirit and fortitude, eventually we get there—with a smile on our face and the humility to enjoy and appreciate our results.

Remember: Your job is not to be perfect. Your job is to find your way. Keep a log of what worked, what didn't, and what you intend to try next, and you'll always be moving toward where you want to go.

Transforming fear to courage: Tip #1

Transforming fear to courage: Tip #2

Transforming fear to courage: Tip #3

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February Five (great ways to connect with Sage)

It's hard to believe that February is just a hop, skip and a jump away. Over here in SageLand, there's a whole lotta writing life action ahead in the coming month, and I sure would love for you to be a part of it!

Following is a quick reminder of places to connect with me through speaking, reading, book celebrating and teaching events! To get the fun started, I'm delighted and grateful to be featured in The Oregonian this week!

Saturday, February 5, 2011 // 10:30 to 11:45 a.m.

AWP 2011 Conference

Washington, DC

"Finding and Creating Online Teaching Opportunities—and Sustaining and Succeeding in Them" panel

Panel participants: Erika Dreifus, Sage Cohen, Andrew Gray, Chloe' Yelena Miller, Scott Warnock

Marriott Wardman Park

Lobby Level, Room Virginia C

Sunday, February 13, 2011 // 7:00 p.m.

Poetry reading featuring Sage Cohen and Jay Nebel

I will be reading an entire set of brand-new poems from her new manuscript. I'm honored to be reading with the talented poet and wonderful person Jay Nebel.

Stonehenge Studios

3508 SW Corbett Ave Portland, OR

Tuesday, February 22, 2011 // 7:00 p.m.

The Productive Writer reading and book launch celebration

Come help me celebrate The Productive Writer archetype in you! I'll give an inspiring talk and brief reading about how to improve the rewards and results in your writing life–then answer your questions. Participants will be given a special discount for the Productive Writing Revolution class.

Barnes & Noble Vancouver

Vancouver Plaza

7700 NE 4th Plain Blvd

Vancouver, WA 98662

Monday, February 28

Productive Writing Revolution Online Class Starts

I'll put on my coaching hat and offer an exclusive, interactive, guided journey though The Productive Writer. Together, we will dream big, plan well, and reinvent old ideas and habits to serve us even better. Get ready to transform possibilities into probabilities in your writing life as part of a community of writers facilitated by me.

Learn more and register

Monday, February 28

Break into Business Writing Online Class Starts

This class for writers of all genres will offer all of the basics for how to get started as a marketing communications copywriter–from finding clients to establishing a scope of practice to setting prices to building long-term relationships. Through a series of guided exercises, you'll lay the groundwork for a profitable future of copywriting. And you'll create several samples of marketing communications pieces that can help give you and prospective clients confidence.

Learn more and register

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Fall in! Fall in!

"Just write. I know it sounds cliche or simplistic, but nothing else will teach you to write. You can take a million classes, read a thousand books, but the only way to learn is to put your hand to paper or the keyboard and get started. Imagine a novice baker who read all the cookbooks in the world but never made a cake. So, just write. If it falls flat or gets burnt the first, and hundredth, time, that's okay. It might not feel like it, but you're getting better each time." – Shanna Germain

Poet Ted Kooser, United States Poet Laureate from 2004-2006, says that in a strategy engineered to impress the girls as a young man, he called himself a poet and carried around large, impressive books to prove it. After a few years, it occurred to him that if he was going to be a poet, he'd better start writing poems. And so he did––to much eventual critical acclaim.

This seems to be a common phenomenon: people fancy themselves poets without doing the work of writing poems because this reflection appeals to them. I don't particularly object to this approach; a poet is as worthy an ideal as any I've ever come across. And as was the case with Kooser, maybe the combination of identifying as a poet and carrying around a few fabulous props are all you'll need to grease the wheels of your own poetic process…such that one day you awaken and find yourself writing poems!

I've also observed the opposite: people who have been writing poems passionately, privately for years and never think to call themselves a poet. Some of us believe that the identity of "poet" is earned only via publication or some other type of public recognition. It's no surprise that we hold ourselves in this light, since this is largely how the outer world judges and validates poets: we are deemed legitimate once we have we have something to show in the way of commerce. I noticed among my own community of wonderful, supportive friends and family (who had little experience with or understanding of poetry) a significant shift in regard for me when I was granted a fellowship to study poetry in a graduate creative writing program. Suddenly, because a large and respectable institution said that my poetry was worthy of a financial reward, there seemed to be consensus that I was A Poet.

Having the support of one's community is nice, and being paid to study and write poetry is even better. But neither of these can make or break a poet. As I see it, poets are simply people who write poems. There is no special badge required, no institution necessary to give you it's blessing. Truly, there is no prerequisite other than desire. Nothing but desire will keep you coming back to the page to work and rework and work some more at cultivating language into that exquisite container of poem.

How you choose to identify is up to you. How much you write is up to you. But if you've enjoyed getting acquainted with poetry and are considering a long-term relationship, then I'd advise you to keep those sleeves rolled up and your hands dirty. There's nothing like falling into a poem to keep us receptive and attentive to what is broken open in us. There's nothing like writing through a poem to teach us how to inhabit what is whole.

On Falling In

A Jewish friend told me this story: A man asks his rabbi, "Why does God write the law on our hearts? Why not in our hearts? It's the inside of my heart that needs God." The rabbi answered, "God never forces anything into a human heart. He writes the word on our hearts so that when our hearts break, God falls in." Whatever you hold sacred, you'll find that an unguarded broken heart is the ideal instrument for absorbing it.

If you fall into intimacy without resistance, despite your alarm, either you will fall into love, which is exquisite, or love will fall into you, which is more exquisite still. Do it enough, and you may just lose your fear of falling. You'll get better at missing the ground, at keeping a crushed heart open so that love can find all the broken pieces. And the next time you feel that vertiginous sensation of the floor disappearing, even as your reflexes tell you to duck and grab, you'll hear an even deeper instinct saying, "Fall in! Fall in!" – Martha Beck

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Transforming fear to courage: Tip #3

Don't think you're worthy of publication? Pretend you're Pam!

Did you know that Stephen King was reportedly rejected forty-one times before his first manuscript was accepted? Every writer who submits work for publication gets rejected. The majority of us get rejected many, many, many times. In fact, the more published work a writer has, the fatter his rejection file is likely to be. It's just the way this writing business works. You could let fear stop you from submitting. Or you could do whatever you need to do to prepare yourself for the inevitabilities of rejection, and count every rejection letter as a badge of honor for having the courage to try and for moving toward what you want.

One way to create some emotional distance is to pretend you're sending out the work of someone you admire, instead of your own. Early in my career, I would pretend I was submitting my dear friend and colleague's writing. Her name is Pam, and she is fabulous and talented. This made it easier for me to detach from the fear of what might happen next. When the rejections came, I would hold them with compassion as I would for Pam, which was far simpler for me to manage than taking it all personally. This may sound silly, but it has quite possibly been the most useful fear management strategy I have ever used. And after a decade or so of Pam impersonation, I moved on to being me.

Another useful practice I've adopted per Natalie Goldberg's recommendation is to always have the next envelope stuffed, addressed, and ready to go so the machinery of my submissions system is not interrupted by whatever emotions come up along the way. You may also be served well by looking to rejection letters as free editorial feedback that could help you make your work more polished and publication ready. And one last invitation: As that rejections file expands over the years, congratulate yourself for sending out so much work and for the faith in your own capacity that you have sustained along the way.

The most important thing to remember is that failure is frequently a stop along the way to the destination of success. Don't let fear derail you.

Missed the first few tips? You'll find them here.

Transforming fear to courage: Tip #1

Transforming fear to courage: Tip #2

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Keeping Your Wilderness Alive

Solitude is the sense of space as nourishing. What usually happens with solitude is that people equate it with loneliness, which frightens them…There is a way in which we treat our relationships almost like a colonial expedition: we want to colonize the space, all the territory in between, until there is no wilderness left. Most couples who have deadened in each other's presence have colonized their space this way. They have domesticated each other beyond recognition. – John O'Donohue

On a Saturday morning, Jon dropped me off at yoga class at 10 a.m. and kept right on driving with the dogs to Forest Park where they galloped six muddy miles of trail together in the deep womb of urban wilderness. I had dressed for the walk home, and was warm and relaxed as I headed out from class into the mild gloom of March afternoon. Digging around in my purse to no avail, it struck me that we had used my keys in the car, and that the car–and keys–were with Jon; I'd be locked out until he got home. Jon didn't have his phone with him, and I had no idea when he would be home.

With destination erased from my trajectory, I felt like a balloon cut free, floating purposeless and weightless down Clinton Street.  I remembered seeing a cafe on my way to class and walked east another three blocks to Broder, a Scandinavian cafe. The cafe was long and narrow, about the size of a train car, and had been polished with care to a modern minimalist sheen. The patrons had clearly emerged from a Portland other than the one I inhabit: one of high-style, where darkly framed, dramatic eyegear and strangely proportioned clothes in shades of black and brown slung over heroin-chic bony bodies. The waiters and chefs were waify, underweight young men smattered with tattoos and too-tight black pants with a slick of aloofness greasing down the errant eagerness beneath their cool facades. In my sloppy stretch pants, bunched-down wool socks, fleece jacket and unwashed hair flopping around in a loose clip, I was blissfully out of place. In an urban environment, not looking the part is as close to invisible as you get, and I love being invisible.

I took a seat at the bar, retrieved a small pile of index cards and a pen from my purse, and started writing. Card after card, the ideas kept coming through me, through the pen. A practice established over the course of 20 years, my body needed only assume the position to turn on its freewriting tap. As I wrote, a glorious mug of fragrant decaf coffee arrived with a smart glass jar of sugar cubes and a silver carafe of half and half. Then came the large, frothy orange juice. And then three aebleskiver, quarter-size Danish pancakes dusted in powdered sugar and circled in dollops of lingon berry jam, maple syrup and lemon curd. Compliments of the chef. I had fallen through the rabbit hold to a Swedish heaven.

As I wrote, my baked scramble with wild mushrooms and caramelized onions materialized on the counter steaming in its square, cast-iron baking dish, aligned with a square white plate with a perfectly spiced potato pancake accompanied by a fan of triangular slices of walnut bread. I tasted, marveled and wrote some more. And as I did, I was transported to the life and times of Sage of yesteryear.  This Sage had free time. With little income and minimal expenses, she lived for the indulgence of her weekend cafe breakfasts. With no car but plenty of notebooks and one divine poetry book at a time, she'd ride the streetcar and listen and look and feel and write and weep. This old Sage was spontaneous. Not yet the precariously over-committed and over-scheduled adult she would grow up to be, this young woman had room for surprises.

For a brief hour of homelessness and exquisite food, I returned to this lost wilderness of my early 20′s: the Sage of open spaces. I carried her home like a pressed flower– fragile and old and new. In a flash of lucidity, I could see how I had colonized myself into my own prison of responsibility and purpose and civic duty as year after year, I cut back the rich, fertile thrill of my precious solitude to cultivate a more groomed and professional version of myself. When really all I wanted was something big and impossible and gloriously alive to get lost in.

Poetry does not survive the suburbs we make of our minds. It withers in the cage of constant accomplishment. Poetry needs the wilderness of solitude to call itself up out of the verdant ashes. It needs the darkness and the light to recognize its wholeness. How have you colonized your creativity and domesticated that wildflower of your imagination that once billowed in the wind? How will you recover your lost wilderness? No matter what work you do, what relationship you have, or how busy you are, inch-by-inch it can be done. You can have your suburbs and your wilderness. Your poetry depends on it.

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Transforming Fear to Courage: Tip #2

The more I speak to writers about productivity, the more convinced I become that fear is at the root of everything that gets in our way. Perfectionism and procrastination are two of the most prevalent and misunderstood faces of fear. Think about it: have you ever received a rejection note that is anywhere as nasty as the things you tell yourself? I didn't think so.

The stories about who we are as writers that we drag around like a pile of bricks tend to be the primary interference when we can't finish a piece of writing and let it go into the world. Which is why I'm sharing this six-week series on ways to work with your fear so it's fueling–rather than limiting your success. Last week, I suggested that you try thinking like a dog. This week, I dear you to appreciate exactly who you are, what you know and what you're writing right now.

YOU ARE EXPERT ENOUGH TO TRY

"The lead story is one I wanted to write for at least six months. I just didn't think there would be enough of an audience. I thought the pet magazines wouldn't take it because it was too controversial … Then I saw it on the front cover: 'A Dog Is Not a Human Being, Right?' I have a bit of a different take than the author, but basically that article could have been mine. What did you say to me once? The only way to get published is to send it."—Chloe De Segonzac, emerging fiction writer, poet, essayist and freelance writer

I am a recovering perfectionist. My lifelong litany has been that I don't know enough, am not talented enough or impressive enough to present myself as an expert on anything, ever. This kept me from doing much of anything with my writing life for years. Then I had a rather simple but significant "aha" moment. I started noticing that writers who didn't seem to be any more perfect than I am were enjoying success.

It occurred to me then that maybe it wasn't my job to decide whether or not I was good enough. Instead, I decided it was my job to write to the best of my ability, take the risk of sending it out for publication, and let the folks who make such decisions decide whether my stuff was any good. This entirely revolutionized my writing life.

I want to be clear that I did not stop that inner voice from judging me harshly. I simply decided to step aside and focus on something else. I opened up the question of the worthiness of my writing to a wider audience, taking the chance that someone, somewhere might not be as negative as my own inner editor. And I was right.

The fact of the matter is this: While you're busy obsessing about not knowing enough about a particular topic or market (and therefore not taking the appropriate steps toward developing your expertise, understanding your market, and sending it out), some other writer is going to write down what they know on that very topic and pitch it. This person is 100 percent more likely than you are to land the assignment, because they took the biggest step of all: Asking for it.

I'm not saying that you are guaranteed success in the form of publication; but you are guaranteed success in the form of evolution. Each time you set a goal and move toward it, you learn. And you are expert enough to do that right now. When you commit to listening to feedback, learning from rejection, and continuously refining your writing and publishing skills, you will be doing everything you can to increase the odds of getting the results you want.

So why not bury perfection's handcuffs in the backyard and get down to the work of believing in what you are doing, trusting that you will get better along the way, sending that query (or poem or short story), and making the most of whatever comes next?

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When in doubt, write

"What would you do if you could do anything you wanted to?" James Martin, author of The Jesuit Guide to (Almost) Everything, asked readers in a recent interview.

When at Wharton School studying business, this Jesuit priest says he shared his desire to study poetry with his advisor, who responded, "That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard." Martin disagreed, went on to study poetry, and says it's what he remembers best from his education.

Of course, there are dozens of "practical" reasons not to pursue poetry or a writing life of any kind. It's not likely to pay the rent or mortgage, at least for a while, and no one at your job may give a whit about your affinity for Whitman. The good news is this: No one needs to care about the writing you love other than you.

In my experience, when we let love lead, our lives and our work become far less confusing. We don't end up in business school (because we "should") when we are far better suited to teach composition, write articles, and author books. When we trust our passions to steer us where we are intended to go, we may find ourselves in a less prescribed career track. And it may take some exploring to determine exactly how and where we fit. Good thing creative people are good at exploring!

Inspiration may not immediately fill your bank account, but it is likely to fill your sails. Committing to a productive writing rhythm may not lead to your next big career move. But it just might make you happy. And there's no better compass than happiness.

Who knows, doing exactly what makes us happiest may have an even greater untapped earning potential than that predictable paycheck. With passion as productivity engine, we're far more likely to throw our shoulders into the work and stay with it, simply because it feels better to do so than to stop.

What would you do if you could do anything you wanted to? When in doubt, write.

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Transforming Fear to Courage: Tip #1

"Courage is fear that has said its prayers."—Dorothy Bernard

Here's my theory. Fear is the unconscious belief that we are not good enough. It is the subliminal act of rejecting ourselves before anyone else has a chance to weigh in one way or another. Fear says, "You can't, you won't, so why even bother?" And I believe that fear is relational: We position ourselves as inferior to something or someone—usually imagined or wildly exaggerated. And compared to this "other" we don't measure up in our own eyes.

Who, exactly is holding this measuring stick? (We are.) Why do we give our power away like this to our inner meanie? (Habit.) Working with fear is a matter of taking your power back, to stop preempting yourself before you even figure out where your wings are and what their machinery might be. You can break this cycle right now.

Tip #1: Think Like a Dog

When I am working with my own fear, I refer to my dog Henry, who looks like a dwarf Lab, a thick, black bullet of a midsized dog on basset hound–sized legs. Due to his unusual proportions, he faces some unique ambulatory challenges. But Henry wrestles and fetches and begs with just as much passion and delight as the next dog. He doesn't seem bogged down with the burden of comparison—whether or not his normally proportioned canine sister performs better or worse than he does, for example. Rather, Henry focuses exclusively on what he wants and how to get it.

In my writing life, I try to think like Henry. I dive in because it's joyful to do so. I stay focused on the end goal without self-consciousness. And I don't worry about what anyone else is doing or how it might compare to how I'm doing—unless I see a strategy that's working well at serving up treats or tennis balls—those are worthy of cataloging and imitating.

(Stay tuned for seven more tips on transforming fear to courage in the coming weeks.)

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The Productive Writer is born! Come help me celebrate.

I'm thrilled to announce that my book The Productive Writer has been born (and is already sleeping through the night!)

Many of you participated in my amazon.com spike day, and I want to thank you SO MUCH for helping me achieve the extraordinary ranking that day of:

#3 in books on Authorship

#9 in books on Writing Skills

#3,298 in Books (meaning, every book that sells on amazon.com)

And now, I'd love it if you'd join me in Portland, Oregon for my book launch reading and celebration on January 17 at 7:30 p.m at Powell's Books on Hawthorne. (That's one week from today.)

I will be sharing some of my favorite productivity tips to help you make your writing life in 2011 all that you want it to be. Plus, everyone who attends will receive a special discount to my Productive Writing Revolution online class that starts in February.

I'd love to see you there!

The Productive Writer Book Launch Celebration

Monday, January 17, 7:30 p.m.

Powell's Books on Hawthorne

3723 SE Hawthorne Blvd. Portland, OR

* * * * *

Not local? Can't join me on the 17th?

The virtual party must go on! I'll continue posting productivity tips right here every Tuesday. And, you should now be able to find The Productive Writer in bookstores and libraries near you, wherever you live and write. Plus, look for me in these places in the coming months:

Writer's Digest Magazine, February 2011

Sage advice featured in "25 Ways to Improve Your Writing in 30 Minutes a Day"

Sunday, January 23, 2011 // 11:00 – 11:50 a.m.

"Success Strategies and Systems for Writing & Selling More"

Writer's Digest 2011 Conference

Sheraton New York Hotel & Towers

811 7th Ave, New York, NY

Saturday, February 5, 2011 // 10:30 to 11:45 a.m.

AWP 2011 Conference

Washington, DC

"Finding and Creating Online Teaching Opportunities—and Sustaining and Succeeding in Them" panel

Panel participants: Erika Dreifus, Sage Cohen, Andrew Gray, Chloe' Yelena Miller, Scott Warnock

Marriott Wardman Park

Lobby Level, Room Virginia C

Sunday, February 13, 2011 // 7:00 p.m.

Poetry reading featuring Sage Cohen and Jay Nebel

I'll be reading an entire set of brand-new poems from my new manuscript. And I'm very excited to be reading with Jay, an incredible poet whom I admire. I hope you'll join us.

Stonehenge Studios

3508 SW Corbett Ave, Portland, OR

Tuesday, February 22, 2011 // 7:00 p.m.

The Productive Writer reading and celebration

Barnes & Noble Vancouver

Vancouver Plaza

7700 NE 4th Plain Blvd

Vancouver, WA 98662

May 2011 be your most productive writing year yet!

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Dear Li-Young Lee,

My favorite day is Saturday.

My favorite color is

dog tongue and empty bowl.

My favorite color is

"happy," the way my son says it,

clutching his small ambulance.

My favorite day is Thursday.

Thumb of circumstance.

My favorite window hinges

on the distance

of open and closed,

my heart its trapped glass

blushing a sunset-streaked descent.

My favorite dream is the one

in which I am high enough above

San Francisco to perceive the patterns.

My favorite room is hunger.

My favorite time of day is

when the light loosens me

to impression.

My favorite door ticks time.

I clip the biggest blossoms,

bouquets of days,

let the petals fall like mirrors

free, at last, of reflection.

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