Sèphera Girón's Blog, page 16
August 24, 2016
Every Day Life Premieres in Toronto on August 30, 2016
Toronto Dance Company Good Job Sally presents
“Every Day Life”
Tuesday August 30, 2016
Wednesday August 31, 2016
8 PM
Tickets: $22
Berkeley Street Theatre UpstairsCanadian Stage Company25 Berkeley StreetToronto, Ontario, Canada416-368-3110
This is the premiere performance of new Toronto dance company, Good Job Sally.Using a fusion of dance styles from hip hop and contemporary to tap and musical theatre, choreographer Dorian Grant and dance ensemble Good Job Sally explore the cause and effect of “just” another day in our lives.
DANCERS
Ilya Bodyakin
Doraianna Filippo
Dorian Grant
Elis Jaansoo
Kayla Merchant
Lauren Stein
Sponsored by Byfield Dance Experience (BDX)
https://bdxstudio.com/
About Artistic Director/Choreographer Dorian GrantDorian Grant has been actively training in dance for 22 years. He has also been teaching and choreographing for 7 years.It started at the age of 3 when he began tap dancing. This was after his mother caught him attempting to re-enact Shirley Temple movies on the living room coffee table. He spent much of his childhood training and competing in dance studios for different competitions around the Greater Toronto Area and the United States. At 14, he was accepted into Cawthra Park Secondary School’s Regional Arts Program for Dance. This school allowed him to train in modern, ballet and jazz as well as perform at many venues and events both in Canada and the USA. During this four-year period, he acted in many community theatre shows with Meadowvale Music Theatre where he received his first opportunity as a choreographer’s assistant.Over the years, he has performed on live television (TSN, Roger’s, YTV), and at various venues in North America (St. Lawrence Centre for the Arts, Liberty Grande, and Disney World).Dorian has trained with high profile choreographers and choreographed hip-hop, tap and musical theatre shows/classes for all ages including the Fringe Kids Festival, After-School programs, and various local theatre productions.
Watch Good Job Sally Presents: Phantasm:
Learn more about Good Job Sally
Good Job Sally presents "Every Day Life" Facebook Events
Good Job Sally Facebook
For behind-the-scenes fun, check Instagram: @GoodJobSally
August 16, 2016
Sephera Giron at Fan Expo with Mark Hamill and Many Others!
Sephera Giron brings you this week's Tarotscopes.Meet Sephera Giron aka Mistress Ariana at Fan Expo in Toronto from September 1 - 5.
I will have a booth where I'm reading Tarot. I will be giving three lectures and am on a couple of panels.
Thursday
Reading Tarot in Horror Section
Friday
The History of Carnivals and Freakshows 11:45 Room 705
Tea Leaves and Tarot Cards 1:45 Room 705
The History of Witches 3:45 Room 705
Saturday
Reading tarot in Horror Section
Sunday
Horror Writers Association presents Horror in These Modern Times
11:45 Room 705
Monsters Eternal with Nancy Kilpatrick, Kelley Armstrong, Sephera Giron 1:15 Room 703
http://fanexpocanada.com/horror-attra...
http://sepheragiron.ca
I am freaking out about seeing Mark Hamill speak on the Friday afternoon at five. I bought a ticket to go and see him and I hope they let me in since I'll be running from my own presentation. I won't even have a chance to line up for a good seat! However, it will be so cool so to see one of my teen crushes in the flesh at last!
Sephera Giron is author of Witch Upon a Star series from Riverdale Avenue Books.
Lizzie Borden House 2016
Follow me on Patreon to see ALL of the evidence!There was a lot of activity at the Lizzie Borden house this time around. You can see in this picture of the K2 meter that it went up to five. That was a constant and you can see the video footage over at Patreon. I have a lot of evidence up behind the wall at Patreon. If you like ghost hunting evidence, you'll like some of my clips.
Here are some of the members of HWA you'll meet at Fan Expo with the exception of Monica S. Kuebler who won't be there this year.I won't be at the Horror Writers Association booth at Fan Expo as I will have my own booth in the Horror Section.
June 12, 2016
Witch Upon a Star Series
My Witch Upon a Star series is now out and I'm writing the next books. This little video explains a bit about the series and the first three books that have been published.
Each book is a stand alone story so you can jump in any time!
Witch Upon a Star is published by Riverdale Avenue Books.
Pisces: Teacher's Pet
Capricorn: Cursed
Aquarius: Haunted Heart
Niagara Falls Comicon Aftermath
Yes, I got a lot of work done for the Horror Writers Association but I also had fun posing with Kylo Ren and Matt the Radar Technician.
Separately of course!
shhhh
Niagara Falls Comicon was a great time. I'll add more pictures later so keep checking back!
May 31, 2016
Niagara Falls Comicon
This picture was taken of me at Stokercon at the Bram Stoker Awards Banquet in Las Vegas 2016,
I was recently at the Killer Rack screening in London, Ontario at Shock Stock. Killer Rack won Best Screenplay at the awards!
Next, I'm at Niagara Falls Comicon from June 3 - 5 in Niagara Falls, Ontario, at the Scotiabank Convention Center. I'll be at the Horror Writers Association booth F05!
I'm on a horror panel in Niagara on Saturday at 1 pm.
Please come by our booth for free buttons!
I will also be doing tarot readings!
A couple of days ago, my latest book in the Witch Upon a Star series was released. You can pick up Pisces: Teacher's Pet at any online bookstore!
I am very grateful for all the fantastic donations to GoFundMe that allowed me to pay my May rent and a bit of other bills so that I didn't get evicted in May. Of course, the struggles continue on as I didn't get the summer job working for Statistics Canada for some reason even though THEY contacted ME and asked me to work for them and then I was never called again despite me calling them to ask what's up? No one knows. But of course, in thinking I had that job, I didn't get on board with any other summer jobs except for the one working for the college that doesn't pay enough to pay the rent, let alone travel, but I'm grateful for it just the same.
I really want to get to Necon this year!
For those who wondered how I ended up in Las Vegas when I couldn't pay my rent, it wasn't a slight of hand.
I had a couple of friends, especially one main one, give me money for plane fare.
I had another friend who let me room with her for free for the entire trip.
I was a volunteer and presenter so I didn't have to pay for Stokercon.
That was the magic of how THAT trip happened. I didn't touch one penny of the GoFundMe rent money for that trip.
I am still flabbergasted and amazed at all the generosity shown to me. I greatly appreciate it!
Please continue to share links for my editing and tarot services as well as links to my books. I'm working as hard as I can to provide services for money, like everyone else does, but I'm still falling behind my bills and rent.
I figure if I can get 100 people to buy Fiver readings for five bucks, I can go to Necon. But I have to sell those readings before June 15! So if you know anyone...!
Fiver
I'm posting Chapter Three of my new space opera serial on Patreon tonight! Sign up for one dollar and you can be the first to read this brand new original work!
Patreon Science Fiction Serial for Only $1!
If you want to just flat out send a donation for recognition of my free Tarotscopes and all the volunteer work I do for other writers and humans, I'm very grateful for that as well!
GoFundMe
As always, here's the link to editing: Scarlett Editing
Here's the link to my Tarot Readings and on there is a link for Paypal donations for the free tarotscopes
Have a magnificent day!
Blessed Be!
May 4, 2016
Video Tarot Readings Just for You on Fivver!
sepheragiron Fiverr Seller I'm a professional author, editor, astrologist, numerologist, palm reader, tarot reader, and actress. I have a B.A. from York University as well as certificates in Tarot, Astrology, Numerology, Reiki, and Touch for Health. For over 20 years I've read tarot card for clients! 
April 16, 2016
Mistress of the Dark has Arrived!
Mistress of the Dark by Sèphera Girón Now available for the first time in ten years!
Get yours today and see what you've been missing.
Let me know what you think by leaving a review.
Meet Abigail Barnum. She's new in town, eager to make it big in New York. Hers is the darker side of the city. Her friends are strippers and drag queens, and she works as a waitress in a tourist bar with a back room that's definitely for adults only. Her private life includes drugs and bizarre sex. But the most important thing about Abigail is she's deadly.Abigail has gone insane. Voices and hallucinations are drawing her deeper and deeper into her own world, a world of obsession and pain, seduction and murder. Few suspect just how dangerous Abigail is, but one woman knows her grisly secret. As Abigail descends into madness, can anyone she touches ever hope to be safe?
Amazon
Smashwords
April 15, 2016
Put Down the Duckie and Play the Saxophone!
I wish I was perfect but I am not.
I bet most of us wish we were perfect, that we could mind-read everyone and anticipate issues before they arise.
Wouldn't life rock if we all were perfect in looks, thoughts, career choices, money management, and love?
But alas, most of us aren’t even a tiny bit close to perfect about most of that on a regular basis if ever.
However, it seems that we live in such an instant gratification narcissistic culture that everything has to happen quickly, and if it doesn't happen quickly, then god help you. And god REALLY help you if you happen to use the wrong words or labels in speaking your thoughts and feelings about any thing at all.
On some days it really feels like:
No one is allowed a contrary opinion any more.
No one is allowed to be human.
No one is allowed frailty or transformation.
No one is allowed to make mistakes from the President of the U.S. to fetuses. Everyone has to be perfect all the time. Every misstep is documented forever on the world wide web. It's always someone else's fault. So god knows, when us mere mortals don’t jump through others' hoops in a lickety-split manner and kowtow to people with chips on their shoulders for perceived past hurts, then it’s off to the pit with you where you will be immortalized in Google searches forever as the pendulum swings closer. Seriously.
Horror Writers AssociationHWA is a fucking writers organization.
It is run by volunteers.
Some of us have been there for many years while others come and go.
No one gets paid except for one person.
Everyone who volunteers does so because he or she wants to do good things for the organization. We all want to work together to push up the genre and create opportunities through scholarships, conventions, pitch sessions, mentors, podcasts, library outreach programs, diversity committee, googlehangout roundtables with experts, and so much more. We have charity drives, reading series, anthologies, and other great stuff that anyone who is a member can access at any time.
And yet, that’s not good enough. Nope, Not Good Enough.
For who?
Those Who Don’t Think It’s Good Enough!
If you don’t want to join, don’t join.
But why on earth do you spread lies about an organization that you can’t be bothered to join?
All organizations have scandal and bullshit. Hell, I watchAmerican Greed all the time and other shows like that. There’s always a rat in the barnyard but we all know that. Human nature.Hey, horror writers, we all have done our research. One in four people is a narcissist/psychopath/sociopath.
So shit is going to happen when you are dealing with hundreds of people around the world from different cultures and time zones. For Sure.
Should current hard-working volunteers be held accountable for nefarious activities that previous volunteers participated in, often before many of these current volunteers were even members?
Nope.
And it’s funny. The minute there is a leak in the ship, as there are with all ships, there are certain folks who can’t wait to rip that hole open a little bit more.
Why?
Who cares?
So twenty-four hours isn’t FAST ENOUGH to make a decision for YOUR LIKING?
Then hey, YOU step up and be president. And I don’t want to hear, "I already tried". Obviously not hard enough.
Don’t try. Do.
And this comment is not directed at Brian Keene. It's directed at others who truly have never tried.
HWA Ontario ChapterAs I’ve said before, if the HWA isn’t for you, don’t join. I don’t care. I am happy running my thriving chapter. But I get pissed off when my work is dismissed as a hot mess or that I contribute nothing to the genre.
We have our own website
Banner
Business cards
HWA Ontario logo that's different from the HWA logo
Individual social media promo tools that Brad Middleton creates for each event that we do
Google hangouts for meetings
Consistent monthly meetings second Tuesday of month that don't cost a lot to attend and that have FREE parking in an easy to reach location and people can attend by Google Hangout
Chapter anthology
Twitter handles for Chapter and Podcast
Our own Canadian Content Corner in the HWA newsletter
Buttons
Tshirts
Great Lakes Horror Podcast which is weekly
Podcast buttons, logo, t shirt, signage
Charity promo opportunities such as Warm It Up!
Booths at conventions such as Fan Expo, Toronto Comicon, Niagara Comicon, Word on the Street, Horror-Rama, Dark Carnival and more.
Library talks and presentations
HWA panels at Fan Expo and other big cons
I’m not sure what else our chapter can do but our team of enthusiastic members continues to amaze me with their hard work and dedication.
I’m deeply saddened that my peers are attacking the very organization that helps us achieve our goals and visions. So many of our members have made fabulous networking connections over the past twenty years, even by attending just one meeting. We could not do any of this without the support of HWA.
SO...
Here's A Quiz!What am I’m thinking? Right now! What are my religious beliefs?What would come up on my criminal background check?What is my gender?What is my sexual preference?What groups am I a member of?What do I do at night?What websites do I look at?What demonstrations have I ever attended?What charities do I support?
Am I fit to be Ontario Chapter Head of the Horror Writers Association?
Has anyone done a background check on me?
WHO would run a background check? HWA is not a person! Nor a job! It's just a bunch of volunteers! So who is running these background checks?
What about my members?
Are they are respectable citizens fit to be the face of HWA at public functions? Are they to be trusted in other peoples' houses? Are they going to speak properly on a panel?
And there are other HWA Chapters in Canada! I believe we're up to four now! Who is screening them? What do they REALLY do at meetings? Are they mentally sound? What are their belief systems?
I hope you see how foolish this whole witch hunt has been.
Back to the TopicThe minute the information was unearthed, action was taken in a calm, deliberate, decisive, legal manner. And holy smokes, in twenty-four HOURS. Not days. In fact, some may point to days as the first musings were uttered a couple of days previously and the investigation began at that point.
All of you unhappy people couldn’t wait patiently for people to gather facts, make decisions, and do things in proper legal order so that no lawsuits could happen. I think my favourite post was from someone wailing that more people should be on Facebook caring about this situation and since they haven't posted they obviously don't care. It amuses me at how those of us who live on social media forget that others do not. I know many people, my own parents and brother, for instance, who rarely go online to check Facebook or anything except email. So why would HWA members know about an explosion within hours and it was all over within hours except for those kicking around the cinders?
The Board of the HWA handled this situation as best they could with day jobs, time zones, and a barrage of people demanding their attention while discussing the most diplomatic, legal way to do what we all know will be done and was done. The Board was elected to deal with this kind of incident and they did! And very quickly. What more do you want? Why the bullying? We are all learning together! None of us took a course in how to run the HWA!
No one has a Time Machine to change what happened.
It is done.
Enough is Enough!
Can you please stop the attacks on the very time-consuming chapter work that I do for free and can we please carry on with writing good horror fiction.
The genre needs to unite, not split apart further.
I think all of your anger should be pointed towards more meaningful causes, not a writers organization run by volunteers.
Facts:HWA is not a person. And yes, if HWA was a person as you all seem to think, then maybe I would have a different attitude. It is currently a collective of 1300 people who all have the same opportunities to form chapters, speak at libraries, run booths at conventions, create podcasts, and so on. If you want it to happen, YOU have to make it happen.
HWA is not a faceless corporation. And if HWA was a corporation run by the same people since 1985, then maybe I would have a different attitude.
But until YOU are running this volunteer organization, please put down your pitchforks. We are all working to make things nice for YOU! Yes, YOU! So stop tracking in mud while we're washing the floor. Thank you.
Horror Writers Association Facebook GroupAs for the HWA Facebook page, it is open to everyone who wants to click. Most of the people who were upset weren't members so when people are mocking the HWA as haemorrhaging from the inside, that wasn't true either. And truly, who cares?
If the HWA were the Evil Empire, they would have deleted all negative comments like other groups do. They, ME, YOU wanted and still want to hear what other people think, and how solutions can be found and what needs to happen next. That's the only way things improve. And things have improved so much in recent years. I've been on this ride since the late eighties. I've been there for ALL OF IT. If anyone can say with a straight face that things are getting better, it's me.
So join us or don't. But please stop with the bullying. It actually DOES hurt. I am not perfect. Nor is anyone I know or have ever known.
__________________________________________________________This post does NOT reflect the views or opinions of the HWA or the HWA ONT Chapter. This is the personal opinion of Sèphera Girón.
I bet most of us wish we were perfect, that we could mind-read everyone and anticipate issues before they arise.
Wouldn't life rock if we all were perfect in looks, thoughts, career choices, money management, and love?
But alas, most of us aren’t even a tiny bit close to perfect about most of that on a regular basis if ever.
However, it seems that we live in such an instant gratification narcissistic culture that everything has to happen quickly, and if it doesn't happen quickly, then god help you. And god REALLY help you if you happen to use the wrong words or labels in speaking your thoughts and feelings about any thing at all.
On some days it really feels like:
No one is allowed a contrary opinion any more.
No one is allowed to be human.
No one is allowed frailty or transformation.
No one is allowed to make mistakes from the President of the U.S. to fetuses. Everyone has to be perfect all the time. Every misstep is documented forever on the world wide web. It's always someone else's fault. So god knows, when us mere mortals don’t jump through others' hoops in a lickety-split manner and kowtow to people with chips on their shoulders for perceived past hurts, then it’s off to the pit with you where you will be immortalized in Google searches forever as the pendulum swings closer. Seriously.
Horror Writers AssociationHWA is a fucking writers organization.
It is run by volunteers.
Some of us have been there for many years while others come and go.
No one gets paid except for one person.
Everyone who volunteers does so because he or she wants to do good things for the organization. We all want to work together to push up the genre and create opportunities through scholarships, conventions, pitch sessions, mentors, podcasts, library outreach programs, diversity committee, googlehangout roundtables with experts, and so much more. We have charity drives, reading series, anthologies, and other great stuff that anyone who is a member can access at any time.
And yet, that’s not good enough. Nope, Not Good Enough.
For who?
Those Who Don’t Think It’s Good Enough!
If you don’t want to join, don’t join.
But why on earth do you spread lies about an organization that you can’t be bothered to join?
All organizations have scandal and bullshit. Hell, I watchAmerican Greed all the time and other shows like that. There’s always a rat in the barnyard but we all know that. Human nature.Hey, horror writers, we all have done our research. One in four people is a narcissist/psychopath/sociopath.
So shit is going to happen when you are dealing with hundreds of people around the world from different cultures and time zones. For Sure.
Should current hard-working volunteers be held accountable for nefarious activities that previous volunteers participated in, often before many of these current volunteers were even members?
Nope.
And it’s funny. The minute there is a leak in the ship, as there are with all ships, there are certain folks who can’t wait to rip that hole open a little bit more.
Why?
Who cares?
So twenty-four hours isn’t FAST ENOUGH to make a decision for YOUR LIKING?
Then hey, YOU step up and be president. And I don’t want to hear, "I already tried". Obviously not hard enough.
Don’t try. Do.
And this comment is not directed at Brian Keene. It's directed at others who truly have never tried.
HWA Ontario ChapterAs I’ve said before, if the HWA isn’t for you, don’t join. I don’t care. I am happy running my thriving chapter. But I get pissed off when my work is dismissed as a hot mess or that I contribute nothing to the genre.
We have our own website
Banner
Business cards
HWA Ontario logo that's different from the HWA logo
Individual social media promo tools that Brad Middleton creates for each event that we do
Google hangouts for meetings
Consistent monthly meetings second Tuesday of month that don't cost a lot to attend and that have FREE parking in an easy to reach location and people can attend by Google Hangout
Chapter anthology
Twitter handles for Chapter and Podcast
Our own Canadian Content Corner in the HWA newsletter
Buttons
Tshirts
Great Lakes Horror Podcast which is weekly
Podcast buttons, logo, t shirt, signage
Charity promo opportunities such as Warm It Up!
Booths at conventions such as Fan Expo, Toronto Comicon, Niagara Comicon, Word on the Street, Horror-Rama, Dark Carnival and more.
Library talks and presentations
HWA panels at Fan Expo and other big cons
I’m not sure what else our chapter can do but our team of enthusiastic members continues to amaze me with their hard work and dedication.
I’m deeply saddened that my peers are attacking the very organization that helps us achieve our goals and visions. So many of our members have made fabulous networking connections over the past twenty years, even by attending just one meeting. We could not do any of this without the support of HWA.
SO...
Here's A Quiz!What am I’m thinking? Right now! What are my religious beliefs?What would come up on my criminal background check?What is my gender?What is my sexual preference?What groups am I a member of?What do I do at night?What websites do I look at?What demonstrations have I ever attended?What charities do I support?
Am I fit to be Ontario Chapter Head of the Horror Writers Association?
Has anyone done a background check on me?
WHO would run a background check? HWA is not a person! Nor a job! It's just a bunch of volunteers! So who is running these background checks?
What about my members?
Are they are respectable citizens fit to be the face of HWA at public functions? Are they to be trusted in other peoples' houses? Are they going to speak properly on a panel?
And there are other HWA Chapters in Canada! I believe we're up to four now! Who is screening them? What do they REALLY do at meetings? Are they mentally sound? What are their belief systems?
I hope you see how foolish this whole witch hunt has been.
Back to the TopicThe minute the information was unearthed, action was taken in a calm, deliberate, decisive, legal manner. And holy smokes, in twenty-four HOURS. Not days. In fact, some may point to days as the first musings were uttered a couple of days previously and the investigation began at that point.
All of you unhappy people couldn’t wait patiently for people to gather facts, make decisions, and do things in proper legal order so that no lawsuits could happen. I think my favourite post was from someone wailing that more people should be on Facebook caring about this situation and since they haven't posted they obviously don't care. It amuses me at how those of us who live on social media forget that others do not. I know many people, my own parents and brother, for instance, who rarely go online to check Facebook or anything except email. So why would HWA members know about an explosion within hours and it was all over within hours except for those kicking around the cinders?
The Board of the HWA handled this situation as best they could with day jobs, time zones, and a barrage of people demanding their attention while discussing the most diplomatic, legal way to do what we all know will be done and was done. The Board was elected to deal with this kind of incident and they did! And very quickly. What more do you want? Why the bullying? We are all learning together! None of us took a course in how to run the HWA!
No one has a Time Machine to change what happened.
It is done.
Enough is Enough!
Can you please stop the attacks on the very time-consuming chapter work that I do for free and can we please carry on with writing good horror fiction.
The genre needs to unite, not split apart further.
I think all of your anger should be pointed towards more meaningful causes, not a writers organization run by volunteers.
Facts:HWA is not a person. And yes, if HWA was a person as you all seem to think, then maybe I would have a different attitude. It is currently a collective of 1300 people who all have the same opportunities to form chapters, speak at libraries, run booths at conventions, create podcasts, and so on. If you want it to happen, YOU have to make it happen.
HWA is not a faceless corporation. And if HWA was a corporation run by the same people since 1985, then maybe I would have a different attitude.
But until YOU are running this volunteer organization, please put down your pitchforks. We are all working to make things nice for YOU! Yes, YOU! So stop tracking in mud while we're washing the floor. Thank you.
Horror Writers Association Facebook GroupAs for the HWA Facebook page, it is open to everyone who wants to click. Most of the people who were upset weren't members so when people are mocking the HWA as haemorrhaging from the inside, that wasn't true either. And truly, who cares?
If the HWA were the Evil Empire, they would have deleted all negative comments like other groups do. They, ME, YOU wanted and still want to hear what other people think, and how solutions can be found and what needs to happen next. That's the only way things improve. And things have improved so much in recent years. I've been on this ride since the late eighties. I've been there for ALL OF IT. If anyone can say with a straight face that things are getting better, it's me.
So join us or don't. But please stop with the bullying. It actually DOES hurt. I am not perfect. Nor is anyone I know or have ever known.
__________________________________________________________This post does NOT reflect the views or opinions of the HWA or the HWA ONT Chapter. This is the personal opinion of Sèphera Girón.
April 2, 2016
Weekly Tarotscopes at RomanceBeat
Don't forget to check your horoscopes at RomanceBeat.com every week!
Fun with Kylo Ren and Scrat.
It was a warm glorious April day.
Suddenly it began to snow!
April 1, 2016
The Darkness is There for Many
These are scary times to be a woman, to be a writer, to be a mom, to be single, to be alive.
Another horror writer has taken his own life. He was an author, a kind man, a Facebook friend.
He, like many of us writers, suffered from crippling depression and left behind a spouse and many who loved him.
These were his last words on Facebook: "No matter how I try to do the right thing, no matter how I fight and struggle, No Matter what angle I try or determination I make I will always destroy whatever is good in my life."
So many of us have those exact same feelings on a regular basis.
A few months ago, another author suffering depression whom I sort of knew took her own life even though she had a fiancée who adored her, a daughter, a wedding to plan, a new life to begin.
Many people have opted out of life and will continue to do so.
I know that dance too well myself.
I know that history shows us there are good times and bad times both on a global level and in our day-to-day lives.
The Dark Times
Some days the darkness seems just too much, too overwhelming. The air feels too heavy to move on, the future seems too bleak to imagine living another day.
When I have these minutes, and I have them a lot, especially after my second marriage breakdown, I try to imagine life when I was a teenager. How much things, especially technology, have evolved from the seventies and there are many cool reasons to be alive besides computers, games, 3D, the Who still gives concerts, and there's finally a new Star Wars that is okay.
I was a depressed teen, I'm a depressed fifty-four year old. I've always been depressed and imagine at this point in my life, I always will be.
The darkness comes and goes on its own timetable. It's mysterious and all-consuming.
In the darkest of the dark times, decisions such as those made by my friends, can have long-lasting consequences.
In my own day-to-day life, I feel a tremendous responsibility towards the children I created. Even if I may not be a good role model, I know that the very worst I could do as a role model is to let the darkness win and leave my children with no mom even though they are now adults.
But some days, it's hard to see the point of carrying on. Especially when two men promised to love me until the day I died yet here I am alone and not dead yet. It's hard to know what is a lie and what is truth.
It's been very hard to climb up this hill. It's hard for everyone. I know this. Every single person on this earth has to struggle to get through a day. And in a weird way, that is the thought that keeps me on this earth. We are all struggling.
When is It "That Bad?"
But what I'm saying is that so many people cry out for help but they are not heard. People claim to want to be empathetic but they are not. Some people say they would have helped the ones who committed suicide if they had realized it was "that bad" and of course, I'm seeing this all over Facebook today about Logan when it was clear he was depressed.
Well, if a depressed person says anything at all, it has already gotten beyond "that bad." By the time we reach out, on Facebook, blogs, ranting and raving, or crying, or screaming, or begging, we have lost it and are already on the last petal of the daisy. "Love me, love me not...nobody loves me."
It IS "that bad" right now, every day, for many people.
I won't even get into the crazy of what is going on in American politics right now. The despair I feel for the focus on the ridiculous instead of what is important consumes me.
The Meaning of Life
What is important right now in my own life, in Sèphera's life?
Trying to live a life worth living.
Trying to find a way to earn money to live in a shit hole.
Trying to find a way to survive in modern society when age, looks, and gender are not on my side.
Trying to understand how I can be useful and productive and earn my keep.
It takes money to make money. Whether you want to go to school, train, open a store, make a craft, put on a show, publish a book, make a cake, it all costs money.
This is a money society.
And not all of us are skilled at earning it or keeping it.
It's Expensive to Be Depressed
Are you depressed?
Well, if you have a hundred dollars, you can go get counselling for ONE HOUR.
If you have a few hundred dollars, you might be able to get a prescription for anti-depressants.
If you are depressed because you have no money, well, you can't get help.
You can't get a counsellor.
You can't get anti-depressants.
Your friends will tell you to buck up, things will get better, we're all in the same boat.
But are we?
If you make a little bit of money, you don't qualify for "free" government services or drugs.
If you make NO money, you might qualify for services and drugs once you get on a really long waiting list where you will likely kill yourself before you reach the top.
If you are waiting for housing in Toronto because you can't make enough money to pay your rent, get in line.
I've been on the housing list for five years, and on the list for an Artist's Co-Op for four years. Every month, I struggle to make the payment for the rent for the place where I live and if I lose this place, I will truly be homeless. There is no safety net. I'm "on the lists" for housing help, but they are only lists after all. I'm just another faceless nearly senior woman financially destroyed from divorce who can't get ahead. There are over 100,000 families on these lists.
Someone like me is lucky because I am educated, I have a couple of little jobs, I have regained a bit of sanity to start writing again, and I know deep in my bones that no matter how dark it gets, there will be light again.
Depression isn't a Choice
However, when people are shocked by suicide, they still have opportunity to help others. There are millions of depressed people who don't know why they are depressed, who want to do better, who want to hold down real big-paying jobs, who want to live in nice places, wear nice clothes, raise happy children, and enjoy their pets. Depression is a disease. We have no control when it hits and how hard.
And most people these days can't get professional help even if they manage to climb out of the darkness long enough to look for it. Money. Money. Money...
I've not made my own clinical depression a secret. I've always owned it. And it's a scary thing to deal with every day. It's hard to burst into tears at a song or an image, filled with a blackness and despair so deep that it consumes everything for a minute, an hour, a month. It's hard to keep working through blackness. But money needs to be made so that I'm not living on a grate. I have no one to count on but myself. I get no alimony. I get no government resources, I get no writing grants, I get nothing but whatever I manage to scrape together from odd jobs.
I myself don't know what to do any more. I keep doing my freelance editing, I've been writing again, I have a couple of little sporadic part time jobs at the college, I'm trying to do a Patreon that isn't horror to stretch my writing muscles and perhaps get some encouragement but no one cares since everyone has their own stuff to worry about. I'm writing a book a month for a romance series but does anyone care? Am I wasting my time? Spinning my wheels?
The world does not owe me a living but I'm finding it hard how to figure out how to carve out my niche and survive in this world.
I thought I was on the right track; got a degree, got married, had a couple of kids, but then the marriage ended when I wasn't good enough I guess, and life has been very hard ever since.
I pour my heart and soul into every word I write including these blogs. I'm not the greatest writer and I'm not the worst.
But there are days the darkness calls and it all seems pointless.
However, I will soldier on, depressed, poor, crazy, loveless, because that's what we're supposed to do, I guess. Continue on in this life until we stop.
I will attempt to leave a mark of some sort but at the end of the day, I'm pretty sure no one will notice or care.
Life Choices
And that's fine too. Life is not a race or a contest. We choose our lives in many ways and in others, life chooses us.
If there's a point, I'm not sure what it is, but I will continue to live and write, and show my children that just because things seem pointless, giving up just yet, isn't an option.
However, my heart goes out to those the darkness claims, and more so to those who are left behind.
There are no neon lights to indicate who suicide will claim next. Treat all your fellow humans with respect and love, for you don't know who will be next to fall.
Another horror writer has taken his own life. He was an author, a kind man, a Facebook friend.
He, like many of us writers, suffered from crippling depression and left behind a spouse and many who loved him.
These were his last words on Facebook: "No matter how I try to do the right thing, no matter how I fight and struggle, No Matter what angle I try or determination I make I will always destroy whatever is good in my life."
So many of us have those exact same feelings on a regular basis.
A few months ago, another author suffering depression whom I sort of knew took her own life even though she had a fiancée who adored her, a daughter, a wedding to plan, a new life to begin.
Many people have opted out of life and will continue to do so.
I know that dance too well myself.
I know that history shows us there are good times and bad times both on a global level and in our day-to-day lives.
The Dark Times
Some days the darkness seems just too much, too overwhelming. The air feels too heavy to move on, the future seems too bleak to imagine living another day.
When I have these minutes, and I have them a lot, especially after my second marriage breakdown, I try to imagine life when I was a teenager. How much things, especially technology, have evolved from the seventies and there are many cool reasons to be alive besides computers, games, 3D, the Who still gives concerts, and there's finally a new Star Wars that is okay.
I was a depressed teen, I'm a depressed fifty-four year old. I've always been depressed and imagine at this point in my life, I always will be.
The darkness comes and goes on its own timetable. It's mysterious and all-consuming.
In the darkest of the dark times, decisions such as those made by my friends, can have long-lasting consequences.
In my own day-to-day life, I feel a tremendous responsibility towards the children I created. Even if I may not be a good role model, I know that the very worst I could do as a role model is to let the darkness win and leave my children with no mom even though they are now adults.
But some days, it's hard to see the point of carrying on. Especially when two men promised to love me until the day I died yet here I am alone and not dead yet. It's hard to know what is a lie and what is truth.
It's been very hard to climb up this hill. It's hard for everyone. I know this. Every single person on this earth has to struggle to get through a day. And in a weird way, that is the thought that keeps me on this earth. We are all struggling.
When is It "That Bad?"
But what I'm saying is that so many people cry out for help but they are not heard. People claim to want to be empathetic but they are not. Some people say they would have helped the ones who committed suicide if they had realized it was "that bad" and of course, I'm seeing this all over Facebook today about Logan when it was clear he was depressed.
Well, if a depressed person says anything at all, it has already gotten beyond "that bad." By the time we reach out, on Facebook, blogs, ranting and raving, or crying, or screaming, or begging, we have lost it and are already on the last petal of the daisy. "Love me, love me not...nobody loves me."
It IS "that bad" right now, every day, for many people.
I won't even get into the crazy of what is going on in American politics right now. The despair I feel for the focus on the ridiculous instead of what is important consumes me.
The Meaning of Life
What is important right now in my own life, in Sèphera's life?
Trying to live a life worth living.
Trying to find a way to earn money to live in a shit hole.
Trying to find a way to survive in modern society when age, looks, and gender are not on my side.
Trying to understand how I can be useful and productive and earn my keep.
It takes money to make money. Whether you want to go to school, train, open a store, make a craft, put on a show, publish a book, make a cake, it all costs money.
This is a money society.
And not all of us are skilled at earning it or keeping it.
It's Expensive to Be Depressed
Are you depressed?
Well, if you have a hundred dollars, you can go get counselling for ONE HOUR.
If you have a few hundred dollars, you might be able to get a prescription for anti-depressants.
If you are depressed because you have no money, well, you can't get help.
You can't get a counsellor.
You can't get anti-depressants.
Your friends will tell you to buck up, things will get better, we're all in the same boat.
But are we?
If you make a little bit of money, you don't qualify for "free" government services or drugs.
If you make NO money, you might qualify for services and drugs once you get on a really long waiting list where you will likely kill yourself before you reach the top.
If you are waiting for housing in Toronto because you can't make enough money to pay your rent, get in line.
I've been on the housing list for five years, and on the list for an Artist's Co-Op for four years. Every month, I struggle to make the payment for the rent for the place where I live and if I lose this place, I will truly be homeless. There is no safety net. I'm "on the lists" for housing help, but they are only lists after all. I'm just another faceless nearly senior woman financially destroyed from divorce who can't get ahead. There are over 100,000 families on these lists.
Someone like me is lucky because I am educated, I have a couple of little jobs, I have regained a bit of sanity to start writing again, and I know deep in my bones that no matter how dark it gets, there will be light again.
Depression isn't a Choice
However, when people are shocked by suicide, they still have opportunity to help others. There are millions of depressed people who don't know why they are depressed, who want to do better, who want to hold down real big-paying jobs, who want to live in nice places, wear nice clothes, raise happy children, and enjoy their pets. Depression is a disease. We have no control when it hits and how hard.
And most people these days can't get professional help even if they manage to climb out of the darkness long enough to look for it. Money. Money. Money...
I've not made my own clinical depression a secret. I've always owned it. And it's a scary thing to deal with every day. It's hard to burst into tears at a song or an image, filled with a blackness and despair so deep that it consumes everything for a minute, an hour, a month. It's hard to keep working through blackness. But money needs to be made so that I'm not living on a grate. I have no one to count on but myself. I get no alimony. I get no government resources, I get no writing grants, I get nothing but whatever I manage to scrape together from odd jobs.
I myself don't know what to do any more. I keep doing my freelance editing, I've been writing again, I have a couple of little sporadic part time jobs at the college, I'm trying to do a Patreon that isn't horror to stretch my writing muscles and perhaps get some encouragement but no one cares since everyone has their own stuff to worry about. I'm writing a book a month for a romance series but does anyone care? Am I wasting my time? Spinning my wheels?
The world does not owe me a living but I'm finding it hard how to figure out how to carve out my niche and survive in this world.
I thought I was on the right track; got a degree, got married, had a couple of kids, but then the marriage ended when I wasn't good enough I guess, and life has been very hard ever since.
I pour my heart and soul into every word I write including these blogs. I'm not the greatest writer and I'm not the worst.
But there are days the darkness calls and it all seems pointless.
However, I will soldier on, depressed, poor, crazy, loveless, because that's what we're supposed to do, I guess. Continue on in this life until we stop.
I will attempt to leave a mark of some sort but at the end of the day, I'm pretty sure no one will notice or care.
Life Choices
And that's fine too. Life is not a race or a contest. We choose our lives in many ways and in others, life chooses us.
If there's a point, I'm not sure what it is, but I will continue to live and write, and show my children that just because things seem pointless, giving up just yet, isn't an option.
However, my heart goes out to those the darkness claims, and more so to those who are left behind.
There are no neon lights to indicate who suicide will claim next. Treat all your fellow humans with respect and love, for you don't know who will be next to fall.
