Leslie Glass's Blog, page 337

Grandparents Save The Day In Opioid Epidemic

From CBS News: The nation’s opioid epidemic has sent an alarming number of children into the foster care system, but the numbers would be even worse if it weren’t for grandparents. They’re stepping in to stepping in to raise grandkids while their own children battle substance abuse — and it’s not easy.

Sharon and Terri Beckett know that all too well. At 65 and 62 years old, they are parents for the second time, raising their two grandchildren near Charleston, West Virginia — the state with the highest overdose rate in the country.

“You just love them just like they’re your very own,” Sharon Beckett told CBS News. “They struggle because they miss their mom and dad sometimes.”

Mariah and Elijah’s parents are both battling drug addictions. Their mother has been out of their lives for years, while their father has been in and out of rehab.

According to government statistics, the number of children removed from their families because of substance abuse has increased by 13 percent in recent years, driven in part by the opioid epidemic. More than 430,000 children are currently in foster care.

The numbers would be even higher if it weren’t for grandparents stepping in, but they’re often desperate for support.

Bonnie Dunn from West Virginia State University has made it her mission to help them.

“We have grandchildren who for the first years of their lives lived on soda pop, potato chips and candy,” she said.

Her Healthy Grandfamilies program meets once a week, bringing together grandparents and grandkids, like the Becketts, for a free meal and class on parenting in the 21st century. Lessons focus on topics like social media, legal issues, and finding financial support.

“They struggle with financial resources. Because most of these people are on Social Security,” Dunn said.

The Becketts are doing their best to make ends meet.

“As long as it takes, I’ll be here for them,” Sharon said.

She hopes that one day the children are reunited with their parents for good.

Did you know coloring can help you find peace and serenity? Check out Reach Out Recovery’s latest book, Find Your True Colors In 12-Steps.

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Teen Mom Drank While Pregnant & Wants You To Know This

From Alexandra Rockey Fleming @ The Washington Post: Kathy Mitchell wants to share something with you. She’s not proud of it, and it’s not a behavior she hopes you’ll emulate. It’s just the truth: As a teen, Kathy drank alcohol while pregnant with her daughter, Karli. It was a perilous if unwitting mistake that has defined both of their lives.

Karli is now 43 but is the developmental age of a first-grader. In the home she shares with her mother and stepfather, she collects dolls and purses, and pores over Hello Kitty coloring and sticker books. Karli has fetal alcohol syndrome, the result of alcohol exposure in utero.

In middle age, Karli has none of the awareness, self-determination and independence that most of us take for granted. She can’t recognize social cues, is easily led and manipulated, and can’t predict dangerous behaviors. She can only follow one rule at a time and doesn’t understand sequence. She can cross a street at a lighted crosswalk, but if the light is out, she’ll step in front of a car. She likes to wear pretty clothes, but she can’t remember to brush her teeth.

To Kathy, Karli’s is simply a life snuffed of promise. “I adore my very sweet daughter,” Kathy says. “She’s a forever innocent child. But not a day goes by that I don’t ask myself, ‘What if? What if alcohol hadn’t been a part of my life?’”

Fetal alcohol spectrum disorder, or FASD, covers a range of impairments from severe, such as Karli’s fetal alcohol syndrome, to mild. Its effects can include impaired growth, intellectual disabilities and such neurological, emotional and behavioral issues as attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, vision problems and speech and language delays. FASD is also sometimes characterized by a cluster of facial features: small eyes, a thin upper lip and a flat philtrum (the ridge between the nose and upper lip).

And, as the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention put it, the disabilities “last a lifetime. There is no cure, though early intervention treatment can improve a child’s development.”

“In our family, though, [Karli] is a blessing,” Kathy says. “She brings joy to everyone she knows.” But, she adds, “it breaks my heart to think about why Karli is disabled.”

But Kathy says that rather than “sit in self-hatred and self-blame,” she has made it her mission in life to tell the story of her and Karli so that others won’t make the same mistakes. “I believe I would be a terrible person if I didn’t do everything in my power to prevent this from happening to another child.”

Family History Of Alcoholism

Kathy’s lengthy affair with alcohol was nearly a birthright. She grew up in Rockville, Md., the fifth child of seven in a family in which, she says, problems were barely acknowledged and rarely discussed. Especially the alcoholism that Kathy says was a part of her family history.

In 1964, when Kathy was 10, her parents opened a restaurant in Olney, which they would own for the next 33 years.

Kathy and her siblings all helped in the business, which took on a nightclub atmosphere after 8 p.m. “Customers would come for dinner, then dance and drink all night. At 1 a.m. they’d be stumbling out to their cars to drive home,” she says.

By the time she turned 12, Kathy had been drunk more than once — and figured out that she liked the euphoria of intoxication. “Drinking made me feel grown-up, cuter, smarter, and helped me flow with the rest of the world,” she says. In her chaotic, sibling-filled household, she was essentially an “invisible child,” she says, with no one noti­cing her drinking.

Maid of honor at age 14 at her sister’s wedding, Kathy remembers drinking beer after beer until, thoroughly intoxicated, she fled the scene — before the wedding photographs were even taken. “It was just, like, ‘Oh, that’s Kathleen!’ Looking back now, I can say that I was in the early stages of alcoholism by then, having blackouts. Everyone else was busy surviving and doing their own thing, and no one seemed to notice that I needed help.”

In 10th grade, Kathy got pregnant. She married the baby’s father — a teenage boyfriend — and dropped out of school. Their son was born a month after Kathy turned 17. The child was healthy and Kathy went back to waiting tables and tending bar. Nine months later she was pregnant again.

In those days, she recalls, people would say, “If you want to have a big fat baby, drink a beer a day” and “red wine is good for the baby’s blood.” Kathy again drank throughout her pregnancy, but usually just with friends. She’d put away a bottle of wine, or four to five beers, during a weekend.

Drinking wasn’t her only risky behavior: “The fact is, I had poor nutrition, smoked cigarettes, worked in bars and drank alcohol. None of this was conducive to a healthy pregnancy.”

In 1973, just a few months after turning 18, she gave birth to Karli.

Discovery Came Too Late

That same year, researchers at the University of Washington Medical School published a landmark paper that described children with physical and intellectual disabilities whose mothers had drunk heavily throughout pregnancy. Alcohol was a teratogen, a substance that kills or damages developing cells, the researchers said, and then for the first time used term fetal alcohol syndrome to describe the result.

That information came too late to make a difference to Kathy or Karli.

From birth, Karli had been plagued by relatively minor health problems that didn’t raise red flags at the pediatrician’s office. When she failed to sit up on time and was slow to reach other milestones, doctors told Kathy that her baby had experienced delays because of her chronic ear infections.

Yet Karli’s problems grew more pronounced as she aged. She exhibited fine and gross motor difficulties, poor joint mobility and speech delays. At one point, a doctor diagnosed cerebral palsy, one of the many disorders and conditions whose symptoms overlap with those of FASD. Later it became clear that Karli didn’t have cerebral palsy, but “at that point it is more accurate to understand that the physician didn’t even have FASD in his lineup,” Kathy says. “Very few are trained to diagnose the disorder, and the number was even fewer back then. No one ever asked me about my alcohol use.”

And Kathy continued to drink.

Meanwhile, her life grew more chaotic: evictions, job loss, divorce, illicit drug use and even suicidal thoughts. She gave birth to three more children, drinking throughout each pregnancy.

With her parents providing the bulk of care for Karli and her siblings, Kathy drifted in and out of jobs, apartments, motivation and despair. Her third child, a girl, was born healthy, but by the time she became pregnant with her fourth child, Kathy had added an addiction to heroin to the alcohol and cigarettes. Six months later the baby, a boy, died at birth. In 1982 she gave birth to her fifth child, a girl she named Keysha. The child stopped breathing in her crib at 10 weeks. When Kathy went in to wake the baby and found her lifeless, she had a psychological break.

“All I remember is screaming and screaming and screaming,” Kathy says. “I ended up being carted off by the police to a mental institution in Sykesville, where doctors decided that I was an addict, not insane, and I was sent off to an inpatient treatment center to detox.”

As she recovered, she resolved to change her life. Therapy segued from a 30-day regimen at the inpatient facility into a 10-month stay in therapeutic community, during which time Kathy earned her GED. She moved back in with her parents, took evening courses and learned the basic skills of mothering. She was 30 years old.

Soon she was hired as a counselor’s aide at Montgomery General Hospital’s detox center and became a certified addiction counselor.

Kathy first heard about the effects of cocaine on fetal development in 1988 at a professional conference about the crack-baby epidemic and realized that many of the symptoms of these babies seemed to fit with those of Karli’s. “I hadn’t used crack cocaine while pregnant with Karli — I’d only used alcohol — so I wondered whether alcohol could have caused her problems. I’d never heard of that possibility before,” she says.

Now a teenager, Karli lagged far behind her classmates in all ways. She couldn’t tell time or ride a bicycle, and she couldn’t understand money or abstract math concepts.

So in 1989, Kathy took Karli, then 16, to Georgetown University Hospital. After a battery of tests administered over a couple of days, Kathy sat down with a team of doctors and specialists to hear the verdict. The geneticist spoke first: “Your daughter does have fetal alcohol syndrome.”

Kathy’s pattern of alcohol use, with the occasional spiked levels of alcohol, he told her, “were associated with lifelong brain damage,” Kathy recalls him saying.

“I thought I would die from the grief and guilt,” she says. “It was one of the worst days of my life, and at that moment I knew that I had to do what I could to prevent this from happening to another child.”

Spreading The Word

Today Kathy, 61, is vice president of the National Organization on Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, a nonprofit that aims to increase awareness of the risks of alcohol use during pregnancy and its effect on families. She hopes that being public about her own history will help destigmatize the issue and maybe prevent another young mother from doing what she did.

FASD statistics are not definitive, but some recent research suggests that as many as 2 to 5 percent of children in the United States and some European countries might have some form of fetal alcohol spectrum disorder.

In October, the American Academy of Pediatrics reported that there is no known safe level of alcoholic consumption during any trimester of pregnancy. But, according to the CDC, 1 in 10 pregnant women acknowledge alcohol use — “a risk that doesn’t make sense to me at all,” says Kenneth L. Jones, a professor of pediatrics at the University of California at San Diego who was co-author of the landmark 1973 study. Each fetus has individual risk factors, he continues, driven by the genetics of both parents as well as the mother’s diet, so it’s nearly impossible to determine how much alcoholis too much. “But why bother putting an amount on it?” he says. “Why risk your baby’s future?”

For Kathy, “the guilt and remorse are painful, but it’s even worse to think of what Karli might have been — a nurse, like she wanted do be when she was 10, or a wife or mother? She won’t have any of it now, because I drank during my pregnancies. I would never knowingly harm my child, but what I didn’t know ended up robbing her of so much.”

Karli’s days are pleasant and full, framed by her devoted family. An aide helps her every day while Kathy and her husband are at work. Karli takes Zumba and water aerobics classes and goes grocery shopping, and every Friday she sees a matinee. She has a paid job one afternoon a week as a stock clerk,supported by a job coach, at a discount clothing store near her home in Olney. On weekends she participates in social activities through the Montgomery County Department of Therapeutic Recreation, which provides programs for people with disabilities.

Every night, Karli puts on some Hello Kitty pajamas. Kathy tucks her into bed with her two favorite dolls, Laura Liz and April. In the glow of a Tinker Bell night light near her bed, Karli smiles up at Kathy. “I love you, Mommy,” she says.

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Hated Moms Can Be Loved Again

I was one of those hated moms, and it’s a confusing phenomenon. My only wish was to love, help and guide my children through their teen and college years, but they saw me as interfering, controlling, and a little bit crazy. And I was.

Substance use makes all family members more than a little crazy. In my family it was hard work for everyone to come back from the damage done. We had some very bitter years. We even had an actual time out that lasted nearly four years. Time outs can be good things if you use the space to work on yourself and not be furious. Families can learn to love an appreciate each other, and be better than they were before. I can testify to that.

Substance Use In The Teen Years

It’s important to note that not all children who use substances develop Substance Use Disorder (addiction). Many tweens and teens experiment, have difficult years, and with treatment and support come out of it to live productive and happy lives, and to love their moms again. Others do develop SUD (substance use disorder), a chronic, relapsing, brain disease that requires a lifetime of monitoring and treatment. And those children can love and appreciate their moms, too. Either way, the outcome can be very good. Here’s what parents need to know.

Parents have to take substance use (which includes alcohol) very seriously because you can’t assume your child is just going through a phase
Be prepared that for some years love will seem lost forever
Work on yourself to understand yourself and the part you play
Learn the difference between enabling use and supporting recovery

The Substance Use Road To Broken Hearts

Here’s what happens emotionally. Substance use untethers people (at every age) from the anchors, the norms, the values, the relationships that nurture them. For example, when young people are enjoying or dependent on drinking or using substances, they resist any kind of any kind of parental advice or warnings. The more anxious and frightened a mom becomes, the more risk there is for confrontation, anger, and ultimately resistance to any kind of parental intervention.

Mom Loses Authority And Love

Every family with substance use becomes untethered like ships with no rudder. Moms lose both their authority and the love from their kids that nourished them when children were little. Substances and other behaviors replace mom as rudder and guiding light.

Moms aren’t taught to withstand this kind of loss. When a child cannot allow himself to be loved or to love mom (or anyone else), he or she is truly floundering, but rarely knows it. Imagine ocean liners without tug boats to guide them into harbors, or planes flying without radar or air traffic control. That is family life in substance use. While love may drive a mom to save her child at any cost, there is no love coming back at this time to nourish or help her.

Love Can Be Regained

These loses are an outcome for moms from the substance use experience that isn’t commonly explored. Mom loses love and authority, tries to get them back, and risks becoming toxically controlling. We don’t know what’s happened to us and don’t see our attempts at solution as anything but loving and supportive. I felt lost and alone for many years, but I am here to tell you that love isn’t dead during the recovery journey. It’s just in hiding. When mom can accept she’s not in control and adult children have to find their own way, even dark days like Mother’s Day can be joyful again.

Everyone in recovery is a miracle! Order your to day.

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Letter To My Son’s Birth Mom

Dear Vera, Tomorrow our son, Toby, turns 13 years old. Do you ever think about him? Or miss him? Do you ever wonder how he is doing? Did you know he has Fetal Alcohol Syndrome?

Twelve years ago, I met Toby in an orphanage. It was love at first sight and I vowed to take care of our curly-haired boy. Ignorance is bliss and the first year was magical, except for the not sleeping and not eating phase, which I assumed all babies went through.

When Toby was two, he started running in circles and into walls. His energy level was unending and he began hitting other kids. I assumed all two years old did this as well.

When Toby was three, he was still running, not sleeping, or eating, and he added biting to the mix. By then, I was exhausted, bruised, and worried. Several doctors, friends, and well-meaning family members told me he was fine, but I knew he wasn’t. I finally found a Pediatrician who told me the truth: Toby had full blown Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) because his birth mother drank excessively while pregnant. I had no idea what FAS was. According to the CDC:

No amount of alcohol is safe to drink while pregnant
Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders cover a wide range of birth defects
Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders are 100% preventable

Our rather expensive specialist told us FAS was incurable and unnecessary. She then told us that problem behaviors like biting, hitting, and cursing would be almost impossible to extinguish. He was only three years old. I fell apart.

Fetal Alcohol Syndrome Shattered All My Hopes And Dreams For “Our” Son

Toby’s prospects went from being anything he wanted to probably not going to college to maybe never being able to live on his own. It’s still too early to tell. I spent the next eight years dragging Toby to doctors, therapists, play groups, tutors, and counselors, trying to undo the damage you did. A doctor said I should pick my battles and that there are no battles. I was told I would have to accept all of his behaviors.  My parents said I should spank him into submission. His teachers said there’s nothing wrong with him as they simultaneously complained about how he wouldn’t pay attention, listen, or do his work. Friends also said there’s nothing wrong with him. “He’s just a boy.” But none of their boys screamed at the sound of a vacuum or compulsively broke windows just to hear the glass shatter.

The Growing Years

Toby quickly became too big for me to carry out of the grocery store when he had a meltdown. He hated going to school and refused to brush his teeth.  For years I was afraid Toby would never speak, but he began talking when he was nine years old. It turns out he is much smarter than the doctors said. He has learned to read, write, and tell time.

Your Drinking Has Affected Me Beyond My Wildest Imagining

I spent years researching his condition and crying about tantrums I couldn’t control.

I Am Learning:

He is capable of far more than the experts thought. He packs his own lunch, folds his clothes, makes his bed, and opens the car door for me.
To accept his past for what it is and not what it should have been.
We are the perfect family for him and he is the perfect son for us despite all the hardships we have had to face.

One Last Thing

Toby has to overcome more challenges than any child should have to face because of your choice to drink alcohol while pregnant with him. Even though I struggle with anger and resentment I am also curious to know if his curly hair and gray-green eyes come from you.

If we do meet, I hope I will be able to fully embrace the idea that you did the best you could. Certainly, no mother wants to hurt her children. I want you to know that you gave me the greatest gift one person could ever give to another and Toby will be all right. You’d be proud of the amazing boy he’s growing up to be. Thank you for “our son.”

Did you know coloring can help you find peace and serenity? Check out Reach Out Recovery’s latest book, Find Your True Colors In 12-Steps.

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Marijuana Use Continues To Grow Among Baby Boomers

From Science Daily:

Marijuana use is becoming more prevalent among middle-aged and older adults, with 9 percent of adults aged 50-64 and nearly 3 percent of adults 65 and older reporting marijuana use in the past year, according to a study by researchers at NYU School of Medicine and the Center for Drug Use and HIV/HCV Research (CDUHR) at NYU Rory Meyers College of Nursing.

These new figures, which use data from 2015-2016, demonstrate a substantial increase in marijuana use over the past near-decade — double the percentage of adults aged 50-64 (4.5 percent) and more than seven times the percentage of adults 65 and older (0.4 percent) reporting use in 2006-2007.

The new findings, published online in the journal Drug and Alcohol Dependence, build on an earlier Addiction study by the same researchers to illustrate this growing trend among baby boomers.

Attitudes towards marijuana use are changing in the U.S., with a growing number of states legalizing medical and recreational marijuana. Although marijuana users are more likely to be young adults, the baby boomer generation is unique, having more experience with recreational use of drugs than previous generations.

“The baby boomer generation grew up during a period of significant cultural change, including a surge in popularity of marijuana in the 1960s and 1970s. We’re now in a new era of changing attitudes around marijuana, and as stigma declines and access improves, it appears that baby boomers — many of whom have prior experience smoking marijuana — are increasingly using it,” said lead author Benjamin Han, MD, MPH, an assistant professor in the Department of Medicine’s Division of Geriatric Medicine and Palliative Care and Department of Population Health at NYU Langone Health.

In this study, the researchers analyzed responses from 17,608 adults aged 50 and older from the 2015-2016 National Survey on Drug Use and Health. Participants were asked about marijuana use, including when they first used it and whether they used it in the past year. The researchers also looked at respondents’ demographics and several health factors, including other substance use and chronic disease.

In the past year, 9 percent of adults aged 50-64 and 2.9 percent of adults 65 and older reported using marijuana. In addition, more than half (54.5 percent) of adults 50-64 have used marijuana at some point in their lives, and over a fifth (22.4 percent) of adults 65 and older have ever used it.

When people first started using marijuana varied by age group. Nearly all adults aged 50-64 (92.9 percent), but only roughly half of adults 65 and older (54.7 percent), first used marijuana when they were 21 years of age or younger.

“Most baby boomers who recently used marijuana first used as teens during the 1960s and 1970s. This doesn’t mean these individuals have been smoking marijuana for all these years, but most current users are by no means new initiates,” said CDUHR researcher Joseph Palamar, PhD, MPH, the study’s senior author and an associate professor in the Department of Population Health at NYU Langone Health.

In addition, some adults who used marijuana in the past year (15 percent of users aged 50-64 and 22.9 percent of those 65 and older) reported that a doctor had recommended it to them, reflecting the substantial use of marijuana for medical purposes.

A concerning finding from the study was the correlation between marijuana use and other unhealthy substance use. Adults who used marijuana were more likely to also report alcohol use disorder, nicotine dependence, cocaine use, and misuse of prescription medications (including opioids and sedatives) than non-users.

“Marijuana has been shown to have benefits in treating certain conditions that affect older adults, including neuropathic pain and nausea. However, certain older adults may be at heightened risk for adverse effects associated with marijuana use, particularly if they have certain underlying chronic diseases or are also engaged in unhealthy substance use,” said Han, who is also a CDUHR researcher.

Because using multiple drugs may have additive adverse effects — for instance, simultaneously using marijuana and alcohol can be detrimental for cognitive and motor functioning — the researchers suggest that clinicians screen older patients who use marijuana for other substance use to ensure they are educated on the potential risks of using multiple drugs, especially concurrently.

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Perceiving Support — Not Receiving It — Helps People Cope With Worry And Waiting

From Science Daily:

Feeling like your partner cares about your stress helps you cope, new UC Riverside research suggests. It may even help you sleep better, and may be beneficial to your health.

Kate Sweeny’s “worry and waiting” research has contributed much to our understanding of worry during periods of anxious waiting, such as for medical test results or the outcome of a job interview. It has suggested that optimists are as prone as pessimists to brace themselves for the worst, that worry can act as a motivator, and that many coping strategies fail us during periods of acute uncertainty. Sweeny also identified one thing that works to reduce stress in those moments: mindfulness meditation — a focus on the present.

In its most recent study, funded by the National Science Foundation, her “worry and waiting” research team finds a connection between the perception that your romantic partner cares, and a reduction in stress during challenging waiting periods.

Perception is a key word; past psychology research has suggested disparity between support received, and support perceived. In fact, research has found actual support has no effect on alleviating stress, and can even cause greater stress. It’s called “the paradox of received social support.” “Sometimes, when we receive support from another person, if affects us in some negative ways — we might feel needy, or incompetent, or emotionally unstable,” said Sweeny, a professor of psychology at UCR. “In contrast, simply feeling like you have support without actually asking for it or noticing that it’s being delivered is almost universally beneficial.”

The recent research, soon to be published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, finds that perception of support from a partner peaked at the beginning and end of a lengthy waiting period, in this case the wait for bar exam results, but dipped in the middle. Worry, after all, is not a static experience: it’s greater at the start, when uncertainty is fresh, and at the end, when the news is imminent.

It could be that people are more attuned to support during these periods of greater stress. Also, when expressions of stress are less — generally in the middle of the wait — partners may perceive that the stressed partner is more at ease.

“It’s possible that partners were truly less supportive during that time, or it could be that exam-takers were more demanding or less readily satisfied with support during that time, or perhaps a combination of both,” Sweeny said.

In addition to coping better, the stressed partner reported better sleep and feeling healthier during periods when they reported that their romantic partner was more responsive to their support needs.

The study also revealed that people who were more positive, embracing hope and optimism about their exam result, perceived that their partner cared more overall. In contrast, people who were more negative and pessimistic perceived that their partner cared less.

As she has before, Sweeny used as subjects recent law school graduates who were suspended in a four-month purgatory awaiting bar exam results. She zoomed in on 168 law students who reported they were in romantic relationships.

These students are dealing with a different universe of waiting-related stress than people who have, for instance, lost their jobs or are grieving. There is, at least, some feeling of control over what’s to come, and what can to be done to reduce stress.

“You have a large number of people taking the exam at the exact same time, and the results are posted as a particular time online,” Sweeny said. “That means we can easily follow a fairly large group of participants throughout what seems to be a very stressful life experience.”

The article, Perceptions of Romantic Partners’ Responsiveness during a Period of Stressful Uncertainty, was produced by Sweeny, along with lead author Michael D. Dooley, now an assistant professor at Washington College; UCR professor Chandra Reynolds; and UC Merced assistant professor Jennifer Howell.

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Kids And Addiction: What To Tell And When

We often think we need to protect kids and addiction shouldn’t be discussed. We think they’ll be too young or immature to understand this, but they probably already know what is happening. In fact, they’ve likely been negatively impacted by the loved-one’s use. When working with addicted mothers, I was amazed at the knowledge of four year olds regarding their mom’s use. So we need to explore the following ages and what to say and what not to say.

Addiction is a disease that affects the entire family and because of this, the entire family, including children, need to be informed about this illness. An unhealthy family system tries to keep it a secret. This only causes more dysfunction.

These general guidelines are age-related information, but it’s important to also consider the child’s level of maturity.

Ages 2 – 4

At this age it is appropriate to ask the child what he’s seen or felt. The child may respond with something like, “Daddy drinks” or “Daddy gets mad at me.” Likewise, a child at this age may feel a lot emotionally but cannot verbalize it. Asking the child how she feels and acknowledging her sadness, anger, or other feelings is very appropriate; trying to explain why they feel that way is not. However, it is very important to tell the child that “Daddy is sick” and ask her how she felt when she was sick. Use simple, non-emotional words.

Ages 5-8

Here, you can focus more on the illness and how bad it feels when you’re sick and that’s how Uncle Jim feels when he drinks too much or takes drugs. Ask the child how he remembers how sometimes he wants things that you don’t think are good for him (such as eating breakfast with cereal that is high in sugar or wants a new toy that wasn’t allowed). That can help to see that Uncle Jim wants things and does things that aren’t good for him. Answer their questions. This helps them with seeing causes and consequences.

Ages 9-12

At this age, you can begin to tell them in more detail about addiction and the family member’s illness. Continue to allow them to feel their feelings and to ask questions. Talk to them about whether they’ve been approached to use and ways to say ‘no.’ Help them to process what is happening in the family and ask them about their experiences with the using family member.

Ages 13-19

At this age, it is important to continue to allow them to vent and to make choices regarding their relationship with the addicted person. Ask them about their experiences with the addict, ask them about their own use of substances, and be open to their responses.

For All Kids And Addiction, It Is Important That You:

Are educated about addictions and can relate this in an age-appropriate manner.
Relate that addiction is an disease just like heart disease or diabetes.
Are honest with them; however, the level of truth is dependent upon the age of the child; you must explain this in their own level of language and understanding.
For younger children, it is important that you help them to make healthy choices regarding the relationship with the addict; for example, you won’t let them ride in the car if Grandpa has been drinking.
That you use appropriate boundaries in telling them about the addiction and the person; i.e., you don’t tell them inappropriate things such as you hate Mommy when she drinks or that Daddy is an awful person.
Ask them how they feel in a certain situation and validate their feelings (including anger).
Continue to tell them it is not their fault (kids are egocentric and believe that they caused the problems and/or they’ve been told it’s their fault that Dad does drugs).
Ask the child what he/she/they know about addictions from social media.
Ask the child if they have been approached to use alcohol or drugs.
Help the child to know how to refuse drugs and alcohol.
As the child ages, continue to talk with them about the family addiction.
Offer them the chance to talk with a school counselor, social worker, or outside therapist as well as to attend local support groups such as Ala-Anon or contact the National Association for Children of Alcoholics (nacoa.org).
Do not lecture.
Take care of yourself so you can take care of the children by using your supports such as family, friends, 12-step groups, and/or therapy.

Remember, you don’t have to do this alone. Seek help as needed and continue to recognize that taking care of yourself and your children is the top priority.

Did you know coloring can help you find peace and serenity? Check out Reach Out Recovery’s latest book, Find Your True Colors In 12-Steps.

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Is Self-Direction The New Recovery Cure All?

From Adi Jaffe Ph.D. @ Psychology Today: Do you want to recover from mental illness or addiction, but feel trapped by ‘systems’ and traditional treatment methods? Have you always felt there must be better forms of treatment that fit your personal circumstances? Well, you’re not alone.

Julia had the same experience, struggling with heavy drinking for years and looking for answers only to be told that quitting forever was her only true option and everything else was a “lie” or a “cop out.” But she tried everything else (of course) and had moderate success for short periods of time – abstinence sampling, naltrexone, therapy – they all helped for a bit and solved a little of the problem. But she was still struggling… No matter what though, she was NOT going to go into those meetings and call herself an alcoholic. That’s when she found me…

The Current Addiction Treatment System Is Failing Us

You may already know that the vast majority of people who struggle with addiction and mental health don’t seek, or receive, treatment (in the alcohol disorder area, as many as 90% of people don’t get professional help). You may have also heard the disheartening recent statistics that overdose rates are still increasing as they have been for the last 30 years. But you may not know that more and more options to the traditional model are emerging.

You may be interested to know about a new approach to recovery called self-direction.

A lot of talk, money, and resources have gone into this new approach to helping people make positive changes in their lives. Self-direction is built on the idea that every person is an individual and so treatment must be individualized, focusing on personal strengths, weakness, goals and flexibility- because life doesn’t always go as planned.

It sounds radical to some – the concept that there is no one way to recover and that those who are struggling with mental health can actually help determine their own way. But many of us are fighting this fight and some have been doing so for decades. From IGNTD Recovery, to Integrative Harm Reduction, to The Sinclair Method and many options of Medication Assisted Treatment, there are more and more options to choose your own way.

So what is self-direction? How does it work for people with addiction, and how can you access modern treatment plans like this in your community? Read on to find out more.

What Is Self-Direction?

Self-direction is a person-centered approach to working with people to achieve their goals. This method has been applied to various populations, initially used for older people, brain injury patients, and the disability segments. Most recently it has seen success in the treatment of mental health disorders and substance/behavioral addictions.

In the United States, more than 300 programs and over one million participants have been involved in self-direction programs.

What does self-direction involve, exactly? The participant is assigned a support worker to develop goals and a plan of action. There are one-on-one meetings at least monthly, with regular reviews over the course of the program. Not only can the participant set their own recovery goals, but they are also supported with a brokerage and taught how to manage their own budget.

Financial support is a unique element of the program. Many people with mental health and substance use disorders are faced with financial pressures that keep them stuck in the cycle of illness and addiction. The research emerging shows that participants are often using their allocated budget on transport, dental and medical bills, and psychiatric medications. This approach helps to break down the barriers faced by people with mental illness such as difficulties attending and accessing healthcare services.

The core principles of the self-direction method are to promote:

Recovery
Independence
Self-sufficiency
Choice
Individual strengths

It is based on the idea that you know what is best for you and with enough support you are capable of achieving it. Imagine that!

What Sets Self-Direction Apart From Other Mental Health Treatments?

More often than not, mental health and addiction rehab facilities focus on minimizing symptoms. And ultimately, this is the goal, but for many people, other things need to be addressed before they can begin working on recovery. Examples may include ongoing financial difficulties, past trauma, and low self-esteem.

But the goals set for clients of mental health and rehab facilities tend to be predetermined – abstinence being a primary example. Anyone who is at all resistant to this as the primary goal is seen as being in “denial” or in “pre-contemplation” and not aware of their problem. While there has been a cultural shift toward person-centered care, they still have a long way to go before they reach a self-directive approach to treatment.

Self-direction is less likely to set the person up for failure as it starts with where the person is really at, rather than where the facility wants them to be. It means you become an active participant in your treatment in every way. You get a say. So, even if alcohol abuse is the biggest problem affecting your functioning right now (as seen by others), perhaps your biggest worry is paying for your car registration and losing your only method of transportation.

Imagine what it would be like to have support like this and what a big difference that will make to your outlook. It will inevitably have a downstream effect on your mental health.

Does Self-Direction Really Work?

Research is limited, but early data suggests that self-direction does indeed work. New York State has funded a five-year pilot of self-direction programs to step away from traditional images of mental health programs and offer a modern approach to recovery.

So far, the study has found that in comparison to traditional treatments, participants in self-direction are:

More likely to have positive employment and housing outcomes.
Have lower outpatient and inpatient mental health costs.

This means that people who are involved in self-direction programs are shown to be a lesser economic burden in the longer-term by requiring less specialized mental health services, and they can contribute to the community by gaining employment and secure housing. Not only that but when you offer support, build up a person’s strengths (rather than bringing them down with shame), the outcomes are more positive all around. The individual benefits are priceless.

Is Self-Direction The Future Of Mental Health Treatment?

Traditional mental health treatment can learn a lot from the self-direction method. A person-centered and collaborative treatment approach benefits not only the individual, but also the facility (happier clients and better outcomes), and the greater community.

The one size fits all approach to mental health, and addiction treatment is outdated. This frustrated me to no end when I was on my own recovery journey. That’s why I studied psychology, to arm myself with as much information as possible to create a recovery program that recognizes the uniqueness in every person and the strengths they already have within them to make positive changes in their life. In the IGNTD Hero program we build people up and empower them to make their own best choices rather than believing they are powerless pawns in the throes of an impossible situation. It builds self-efficacy and self-esteem and helps people think of novel solutions and goals they hadn’t ever considered.

Own YOUR goals

Take the time to honestly think about YOUR goals and YOUR hopes and then find providers who can support you in those.

Is there one thing you’d like to change in your life right now? What is it?

You may be surprised to find it’s not necessarily a symptom of your mental illness or addiction. Rather, it’s possibly one of the causes (or consequences) of your addiction. But, when that one element of your life is addressed, it will improve your emotional well-being, and place you one step closer to recovery. And that would be a big win!

Did you know coloring can help you find peace and serenity? Check out Reach Out Recovery’s latest book, Find Your True Colors In 12-Steps.

The post Is Self-Direction The New Recovery Cure All? appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.

Celebrities Speak Out On Being Sober

From Kara Ladd @ Harpers Bazaar: Just in time for National Recovery Month, these celebs weigh in on what recovery and abstaining mean to them.

Rumor Willis: “My decision to become sober wasn’t out of a need necessarily, it was more just that I did ‘sober January’ and I just decided to keep going,” said Willis to People.

Kristen Davis: “I realized it was not going to end well. I got into the acting program, it was very challenging, I was hungover and I wasn’t doing so well in my classes. I thought, “Do you know what? It’s going to be one or the other. I can’t really have both.”

Christina Ricci: “I went through a normal kind of late teens, early 20s drinking, but it [quitting] was a choice I made, because I didn’t think it [drinking] was very good for my life.”

Naomi Campbell: “I gave up drinking alcohol,” also revealing, “Not drinking makes me a lot happier.”

Leona Lewis: “I don’t drink—I hate the taste of alcohol. When my debut single [Bleeding Love] went to No.1, I celebrated with non-alcoholic champagne.”

Calvin Harris: “I stopped drinking because it actually was making me ill. It was affecting my brain in the worst way.”

Blake Lively: “It’s just something that I genuinely don’t have a desire for.”

Kendrick Lamar: Doesn’t drink alcohol or do drugs, despite many of the lyrics in his songs. The rapper grew up in a household of substance abuse and would rather be an advocate for those living in sobriety.

Andy Murray: “I always wanted to see how far I could go in the sport. I didn’t want to do anything to jeopardize that.”

Mike Posner: “I decided I couldn’t let alcohol rob me of enjoying my life’s special moments.”

Brad Pitt: “I didn’t want to live that way any more.”

Jennifer Lopez: “I think it ruins your skin” in regards to drinking alcohol or smoking. Lopez also explained “Of course, during celebratory toasts, everybody’s like, ‘You can’t toast with water!’ So I’ll toast with alcohol and just take a sip.”

Pharrell Williams: “Everybody else can do what they want, but that stuff isn’t for me,”

Ewan McGregor: “I came to my senses when something in my brain went, ‘What are you doing?'”

Kelly Preston: “Now I don’t drink anymore. I don’t smoke anymore. I don’t do drugs anymore. All of those come with an ‘anymore.’ I used to do everything and a lot of everything.”

Jim Carey: “I rarely drink coffee. I’m very serious about no alcohol, no drugs. Life is too beautiful.”

Jennifer Hudson: “I’ve never had a drink in my life.” In an interview with Chelsea Handler, the singer and actress explained, “I’ve never been interested. Nobody ever believes it.”

Joe Manganiello: “I was homeless, careless and broke with no career, so yes, it was worth it [to get sober].”

Tobey Maguire: “I stopped consuming any mind-altering substances when I was 19 years-old. And I’ve been abstinent since then.”

Macklemore: “The thing that pulled me back was knowing that I wanted to be a musician, and that if I wanted to do this I had to get sober.”

Rob Lowe: “She [his wife] inspired me to get sober. She’s put up with my defects of character as they call it. In sobriety the lessons keep coming if you’re lucky enough to be along as long as I have.”

Bradley Cooper: “If I continued it, I was really going to sabotage my whole life.”

Zac Efron: “You get out of life what you put in. Crossing the line is what leads to greatness.”

Dax Shepard: “I now have a wife & babies & some self-esteem #gratitude #promises.”

Did you know coloring can help you find peace and serenity? Check out Reach Out Recovery’s latest book, Find Your True Colors In 12-Steps.

The post Celebrities Speak Out On Being Sober appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.

Is Recovery An Asset Or A Liability

A few weeks ago, I met a new friend at church. We chatted about how old our kids are and where they go to school, the usual new friend fodder. Then she asked me why we decided to go to our church. It’s a typical question, and I could have said: location, killer band, free donuts, great pastor. The truth, however, is complicated, and here’s what it reveals about me.

Hi I’m Pam And…

Those in recovery know the intro well. I found my church because it has a Celebrate Recovery meeting every Monday night. It’s a faith-based 12-Step program. For three years now, I’ve been in recovery for my codependency.

There’s no easy way to divulge how intertwined recovery is in my life. I have a sponsor. I go to meetings every week. The good books I’m reading now are Courage To Change and Codependents Guide To 12 Steps by Melody Beattie.  In my free-time, I like to journal about past traumas and think of funny recovery memes. At least once an hour a slogan, part of the Serenity Prayer, or one of the 12 steps creeps into my conversation. I don’t think this will ever change, and it’s such a part of my life, that I don’t even realize it.

So when my new friend asked, “Why this church?” My honest immediate answer was, “They had a Celebrate Recovery meeting.” And I left it at that. A few minutes later, it dawned on me that I didn’t explain anything. She might think I am a recovering (heroin, meth, cocaine, porn, gambling) “addict”. Does it matter? It shouldn’t, but sometimes it does.

Is Recovery A Liability?

Recovery of any type over any compulsion, trauma, or addiction should be applauded. Period. But is it?

Earlier this week, Dax Shepard celebrated 14 years of sobriety, and we couldn’t be happier for him. His adorable wife Kristen Bell posted the sweetest Instagram message, and it’s so amazing to see an entire family reaping the rewards of recovery. He’s wildly successful and she’s incredibly talented. He has 14 years, which is significant, but do you think when people cast him for parts they make a few extra calls just to be sure he’s still solid?

Let’s consider someone who isn’t famous, like me. I’ve worked at Reach Out Recovery for two years. I love my job here, and have no plans of leaving, but if I ever do, will future employers think twice? Of course it will come up based on my resume. “What’s Reach Out Recovery?” “How did you get involved with that…?”

Recovery Is Really An Asset

Before recovery, I was an emotional wreck. On more than one occasion, I left each job early sobbing hysterically. I took things personally. I was over-responsible and continually sought new job responsibilities. I missed work to rescue friends and families from various emergencies, and I had no concept of boundaries. I was secretly a liability.

After three years of recovery, I am a much better employee. I am a better friend, a kinder wife, and a much healthier Mom. My son has the freedom to make all kinds of mistakes. (Thanks to a living amends I make to him daily.) And I’m only three years in. I still have so much to learn.

We Still Have Work To Do

The stigma about addiction and recovery still exists. Conversations like the one I had start and abruptly stop every day. Changing the mindset of millions will take the work of millions.

Let’s make a concentrated effort to change the vast tide. Let’s try little by little to tell more of our story. Can we work recovery into the conversation every now and then? Can we share how grateful we are that we aren’t like we used to be? Or maybe we could throw out a slogan in the break room when the opportunity presents. Or maybe, we’ll just tell the truth a little more often.

Did you know coloring can help you find peace and serenity? Check out Reach Out Recovery’s latest book, Find Your True Colors In 12-Steps.

The post Is Recovery An Asset Or A Liability appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.