Leslie Glass's Blog, page 322

The Co-dependent’s Simple & Delicious Turkey

I needed some extra love and affirmation, so I did what any desperate housewife would do. I invited 40+ people to my home for a Turkey Day extravaganza. For weeks, I cleaned, decorated, and baked. I made Martha Stewart worthy place settings, centerpieces, sides. Of course, I refused any help; those compliments were MINE.

Then like a ravenous animal, I feasted:

“Your house is so lovely.”
“This meal is delicious.”
“How did you manage to pull all this off?”
“It must have taken hours.”

Following a cycle similar to one of addiction, I tried harder, year after year, to chase the high of affirmations, but it was never enough. I was exhausted, resentful, and unsatisfied. Finally, after months of recovery, I see the motive behind my madness; I was starving for love.

Last week, I bought a 13+ pound Butterball, but I didn’t use it as bait for compliments. I didn’t brine or massage the bird, and I made the laziest turkey known to man for my family of THREE. They loved it, and I wasn’t disappointed with fleeting compliments that only left me hungry for more.

The Co-dependent’s Simple Turkey
Ingredients:

1 Turkey
1 Roasting pan
Salt and pepper
Aluminum foil

If the turkey is frozen, let it thaw in the refrigerator for 3-4 days, depending on size. I let mine thaw in the roasting pan. On baking day, I cut the plastic open and slid out it into the pan. I didn’t rinse the turkey, nor did I grease the pan. I removed the giblets and threw them away. The neck was MIA, and I didn’t waste any time looking for it. I salted and peppered the bird, covered it with foil and put it in the oven. I set my oven to 215 degrees F, and I went to work. The goal is to cook the bird low and slow.

The Results

When I got home eight hours later, the turkey was done and bathing in a delicious protein-rich broth. The skin was a pasty beige, and the meat was a little dry, so I drizzled mine with the broth. Eight hours was too long, but that worked for me, and my family thought it was the best turkey we’ve ever had.

3 Easy Tips For A Better Bird

Bake at 425 degrees for approximately 30 minutes until the skin is brown and crispy. Then reduce the oven temperature to 215 or lower. Next time, I’m going to try 185.
Bake the turkey when you’re home so you can check for doneness. It probably only needed to bake for four to six hours. The turkey is done when a meat thermometer reads 180 degrees F in the thigh, 170 in the breast and 165 in the stuffing.
Rub the turkey with an equally lazy herbed butter – put 1 stick of butter, salt, pepper, fresh rosemary, sage, and 2 cloves of garlic into a food processor. Pulse until smooth. For extra flavor, shove some of the butter under the skin.

A turkey this size feeds approximately 10 people. If your family isn’t into leftovers, consider freezing half of the meat and broth for an even lazier turkey dinner in the near future.

The post The Co-dependent’s Simple & Delicious Turkey appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.

9 Recovery Tips For Election Grief

It doesn’t matter what side you were on. Not everybody is thrilled with the way the election turned out. Some are hurt and frightened while others are elated and excited. What does matter is that we all work to find a way to move forward as a unified country. Can that happen? Not if we’re mean. For those who are hurting here are some recovery solutions.

Recovery Solutions

Yes, you may feel unheard. You may feel cheated, alienated, disappointed, fearful, anxious. But don’t play the blame game. The sun will continue to come up every day no matter who is in which office, and we all still have goals to achieve. Recovery has some solutions to help manage the pain for those who feel helpless and hurt.

Refrain from drastic measures. Election results and the news that follow are temporary.  Stress eating, smoking if you just quit, hitting the bottle, or increasing your meds will likely have long term effects. Those would only hurt you more and not improve the situation. And you could end up dead.
Do let yourself feel the pain while you process. Grief and disappointment will not kill you as long as you don’t get stuck in them. Take to your bed for a few days. Eat ice cream.
Don’t unfriend or bash people who don’t agree with you. Revenge for differing opinions is not appropriate and won’t fix things.
Feel confident, not defeated. It is a fact that what goes around comes around again. The only constant is change. And this too will pass.
Let Go And Let God. This is a recovery slogan that fits really well here, and everywhere. It doesn’t mean don’t be involved in positive action. It just means you don’t have to worry about or fix the whole world. Focus on what you can do and let the rest be managed by your higher power, if you are lucky enough to believe in one.
Take it one day at a time. This is a recovery slogan that helps keep you grounded. As long as you are still noticing the beauty in people and animals and nature and work and kindness, you will continue to feel pleasure no matter what happens.
Stay connected. Be with people who are upbeat and positive and have goals they still want to achieve. Finding a new route when a road is washed out is both the American way and the recovery way.
Do the next right thing. We have always taken care of each other in hard times. That’s what we need to continue doing now. There are always options.
Feel grateful for what you have. Do I need to say there is a lot to be grateful for every single day? Count your blessings.

And focus on enjoying this holiday season.

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Feel Better About Yourself

Want to feel better about yourself, lose the self doubts and rebuild (or develop for the first time) glowing self confidence that radiates out to all those around you? Here are tips that will help.

Need a confidence boost? This one simple practice will boost your self-esteem instantly.

Yoga philosophy teaches that we have everything we need inside of us to tend to all of life’s moments, from the happiest to the most challenging. When we slow down, get quiet, and pay attention to our personal wisdom, we can gain tremendous clarity about what we need to improve a situation, make a decision, or solve a problem. In other words, all the answers we seek exist inside of us already; we need only trust in our ability to access them.

This philosophy counters our overly stimulating consumer-driven culture. As a society, we are conditioned to look outside of ourselves for answers, seeking external validation for our decisions, feelings, and dreams. We are taught to go faster, push harder, buy more, follow others’ advice, keep up with trends, chase an ideal.

We also turn outward for others’ approval of our bodies. We do this directly with questions like Do I look all right? or How do I look? and indirectly when we compare ourselves to others, including images on social media and in magazines. Comparison is always a moment of looking outside of ourselves for a sign that we are OK. In the words of Theodore Roosevelt, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” When we define ourselves according to external standards rather than internal ones, we never truly stand in self-confidence.

The Importance of Positive Self-Talk

One of the most profound ways we lose hold of our personal power is through our language, especially when we negate instead of affirm, belittle instead of empower, or chastise instead of validate ourselves. Our language is everything; it shapes our reality, reinforces our body image, and reflects how we feel about ourselves. How we absorb or internalize others’ words and how we speak to ourselves directly impacts our body image and self-esteem.

Our language is not separate from our bodies. In fact, the two are intimately connected. Our bodies translate language through mood, health, perception, and disposition. For example, when we tell ourselves that we don’t measure up, that attitude comes through in subtle ways in our bodies. We might hunch our shoulders or not look others in the eye. This attitude will likely influence how we dress and maybe even how we look at food and nourish our bodies. In contrast, when we feed our minds words of confidence, we are likely to stand a little taller, feel more entitled to share our ideas, and be less distracted by what others are doing. Our dress probably mirrors our confidence, and we’re less likely to compare ourselves to others. The good news is that we can regain our personal power by using language purposefully and mindfully. This is a foundational belief of our body mindful philosophy.

 

Learn how to feel better in your body and love yourself.
Enter the “Body Mindful” Movement

What does “body mindful” mean? Body mindfulness is to purposely choose words that nurture self-validation and affirm your body in your self-talk and conversations with others. To be body mindful means to intentionally refrain from disparaging body talk and to challenge guilt, shame, and comparison self-talk. When we are body mindful, we trust that we do not need to measure ourselves against others or change our bodies in the name of social or beauty ideals.

Ultimately, body mindful is a pathway to the gifts and answers that already exist inside of us, those virtues like confidence, resilience, courage, hope, appreciation, and grace that empower us from the inside out and allow us to embrace an attitude of possibility. We can strive to change our exteriors over and over again, but unless our insides are aligned with our higher selves (all of those beautiful virtues), we will never know how to affirm our bodies.

Just as any skill we want to hone takes dedication to master, so does this body mindful process. We don’t just wake up one day and love ourselves more through pure willpower. Cultivating new body mindful language is wonderful, but it will make a difference only if we practice using it in our inner dialogue every day for the rest of our lives. We must challenge, rewire, and rewrite ingrained perspectives and beliefs, and that happens most fruitfully through dedication and repetition. We must build our mental endurance for this kind of personal work, and yoga practices are an excellent starting point and container for focusing these efforts.

Try This Body Mindful Yoga Practice

A yoga practice is any activity that guides self-awareness. A body mindful yoga practice adds the dimension of purposefully tuning in to self-talk and intentionally using self-affirming language to change your brain, uplift your mood, and ultimately, improve your sense of self. Body Mindful Yoga includes a variety of mental, physical, auditory, and visual practices designed to help you establish an awareness of your inner dialogue and incorporate body mindful language into your life with the intention of improving self-confidence. Over time and with diligent practice, the kinder words will become more readily accessible, and the less kind words won’t be as quick to show up.

To get started on your body mindful journey, try this next time you are on your mat:

Pause in a pose from time to time and observe your self-talk. Tune in to how your self-talk—positive, negative, and neutral—influences your self-confidence in that exact moment. Also observe how you experience your body. How are you holding your face, eyes, jaw, and shoulders? How does your inner dialogue empower or disempower your physical and mental experience of the pose? Keep a journal of your observations to increase your body mindful awareness and identify patterns that challenge your self-confidence in unhelpful ways.

About the Authors

Robert Butera, MDiv, PhD, founded YogaLife Institute in Pennsylvania, where he trains yoga teachers and Comprehensive Yoga Therapists. Robert’s PhD at CA Institute of Integral Studies focused on Yoga Therapy. He authored The Pure Heart of Yoga, Meditation for Your Life, Yoga Therapy for Stress & Anxiety, and Body Mindful Yoga. Visit him at www.YogaLifeInstitute.com.

Jennifer Kreatsoulas, PhD, E-RYT 500, C-IAYT, is a certified yoga therapist specializing in eating disorders and body image. She is an inspirational speaker and author of Body Mindful Yoga: Create a Powerful and Affirming Relationship With Your Body (Llewellyn Worldwide, 2018). Jennifer provides yoga therapy via online and in person at YogaLife Institute in Wayne, PA, and leads yoga therapy groups at Monte Nido Eating Disorder Center of Philadelphia. She teaches workshops, retreats, and specialized trainings for clinicians, professionals, and yoga teachers. Jennifer is a partner with the Yoga & Body Image Coalition and writes for Yoga Journal and other influential blogs. She has appeared on Fox29 news and has been featured in the Huffington Post, Real Woman Magazine, Medill Reports Chicago, Philly.com, and the ED Matters Podcast. Connect with Jennifer: www.Yoga4EatingDisorders.com

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New Measures For Pain

If you’ve ever visited the emergency department with appendicitis, or you’re one of the 100 million U.S. adults who suffer from chronic pain, you’re familiar with a row of numbered faces, with expressions from smiling to grimacing, used to indicate pain levels.

Despite that tool’s widespread use, some researchers say a more empirical approach would better serve both patients and the physicians who provide care.

“Sadly, this scale of smiley faces, called the visual analogue scale, is the gold-standard pain-assessment tool,” said Carl Saab, an associate professor of neuroscience and neurosurgery (research) at Brown University and Rhode Island Hospital. “Our goal is to associate specific brain activity with various scores on the numerical scale to make pain assessment more objective. We want to help patients with chronic pain and their physicians get into agreement about pain level so it is better managed and diagnosed, which may reduce the over-prescription of opioids.”

Saab and his colleagues have developed an electroencephalography-based test to objectively measure pain. Electroencephalography (EEG) is a method that measures brain activity using electrodes placed on the scalp. The brain activity is measured in the form of oscillations or “waves” of a certain frequency, somewhat like the specific frequency that dictates a radio station.

A frequency that correlates with pain in animals is called the “theta band,” Saab said. Computational analysis of theta brain waves to determine their power can be used to objectively measure pain in rodents and humans in a non-invasive manner, he added.

In a Nov. 6 paper published in Scientific Reports, Saab’s team reported that measuring the power of theta waves using EEG is an effective and direct test of pain and potential pain medication efficacy in pre-clinical animal models.

Testing New Pain Medications

The current method to measure pain, and the effectiveness of potential pain medications, in a pre-clinical animal model is to poke the animal’s paw and see how quickly it moves its paw away. Slow paw withdrawal is linked to less pain and better pain medication. Faster paw withdrawal is linked to more pain and less effective pain medication.

“When I was a graduate student, I hated this test because it had nothing to do with clinical pain,” said Saab, who is affiliated with Brown’s Carney Institute for Brain Science. “Nobody pokes a patient with back pain. I’m just so happy that I beat this test, now we’re working with something better.”

Since the EEG-based test is a more direct measure of ongoing, spontaneous pain than the current approach, it could help researchers develop more effective medications for chronic back pain or sciatica, which don’t have many effective treatments, Saab said.

In the paper, his team looked at three pain medications and compared their effectiveness in an animal model of sciatica. The researchers used the traditional behavior test, the EEG test and an analysis to determine blood concentration of the medications, which was compared with the clinical blood concentration of the medications in human patients.

The first medication they tested was a proven treatment for some forms of chronic pain, which is sold under the brand name Lyrica. The second was a promising pain medication in phase two clinical trials, and the third was a medication with inconclusive effectiveness in earlier studies.

Overall, the theta wave measurement and behavior test gave similar results, said Saab.

However, for a few of the experiments, such as a dose below the effective level of the first medication, the EEG test provided results that were more accurate — more similar to the results found in patients than the behavior test — said Saab. Specifically, the EEG test showed a decrease in theta power measurement at the clinical dose but not the low dose, while the behavior test showed slower paw withdrawal at the low dose and the clinical dose. By indicating pain relief at a dose lower than the effective dose, the behavior test gave a false positive.

“The ability to detect false positive or false negative outcomes is crucial to the drug development process,” the authors wrote. Saab believes that the EEG test can aid researchers in identifying false positives in pre-clinical trials of new pain medications, improving the development process.

Future Impact Of Pain Test

The ultimate goal of the research is an objective tool to measure pain for clinics and emergency departments. Toward this end, Saab is working to translate his findings to patients by calibrating the EGG signatures of pain with the traditional smiley-face-based pain assessment tool.

In addition to aiding the development of more effective pain medications and improving the diagnosis and management of chronic pain, both of which address contributing factors to the opioid epidemic, an objective measure of pain could improve health disparities, Saab said. These range from women whose pain is dismissed by medical practitioners to patients with difficulty communicating, including young children.

Three years ago, Saab launched a start-up company to develop the next generation of pain sensors, which he hopes can become the new gold standard for pain measurement. Saab added there’s considerable interest in a pain measurement tool for veterinary medicine.

Saab and Brown collaborators David Borton, an assistant professor of engineering, and Stephanie Jones, an associate professor of neuroscience, are working to understand the fundamental neuroscience of chronic pain and what kind of activity in the neurons produces the brain waves that constitute “signatures” of pain. In September, the team received a BRAIN grant from the National Institutes of Health to support this work.

Saab presented his findings on the EGG test to determine the effectiveness of new pain medications on Monday, Nov. 5, at the annual convention of the Society for Neuroscience in San Diego.

Other authors on the paper include Suguru Koyama, Brian LeBlanc, Kelsey Smith, Catherine Roach, Joshua Levitt and Muhammad Edhi at Brown and Rhode Island Hospital and Mai Michishita, Takayuki Komatsu, Okishi Mashita, Aki Tanikawa and Satoru Yoshikawa at Asahi KASEI Pharma Corporation.

Asahi KASEI and Boston Scientific supported this research through investigator-initiated grants.

From Brown University

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Risks And Benefits Of Marijuana Use

Research underscores both the dangers and the therapeutic promise of marijuana, revealing different effects across the lifespan. Marijuana exposure in the womb or during adolescence may disrupt learning and memory, damage communication between brain regions, and disturb levels of key neurotransmitters and metabolites in the brain. In Alzheimer’s disease, however, compounds found in marijuana, such as the psychoactive compound delta-9-tetrahydrocannabinol (THC), may improve memory and mitigate some of the disease’s symptoms. The findings were presented at Neuroscience 2018, the annual meeting of the Society for Neuroscience and the world’s largest source of emerging news about brain science and health.

Marijuana is the most commonly used illicit drug in the United States and its popularity is expected to rise as it is legalized in more places. It is also the illegal drug most commonly used by pregnant women, despite the potential for long-term harm to the fetus.

Many people start using marijuana as teenagers — a particularly vulnerable time as the brain is still developing — when there is evidence for increased risk.

At the same time, a growing number of people are turning to marijuana for the relief of symptoms of chronic diseases such as epilepsy and multiple sclerosis. These use patterns highlight the need to better understand the long-term effects of marijuana, particularly in sensitive populations such as unborn children and adolescents.

New findings from the Society Of Neuroscience show that:

Prenatal exposure to THC in rats has lasting effects on metabolites in the brain, making the animal more vulnerable to stress later in life (Robert Schwarcz, abstract 609.12).
Rats exposed to synthetic compounds that are similar to THC during fetal development show impaired formation of the neural circuits involved in learning and memory as adolescents (Priyanka Das Pinky, abstract 424.17).
Cannabinoid use by adolescent rats boosts activity in brain pathways responsible for habit formation (José Fuentealba Evans, abstract 602.07).
In adolescent rats, cannabinoids may disturb the development of a protein lattice important for balancing excitatory and inhibitory activity in a brain region involved in decision-making, planning, and self-control (Eliza Jacobs-Brichford, abstract 645.09).
Long-term cannabinoid use alters metabolism and connectivity of brain regions involved in learning and memory in adult mice (Ana M. Sebastião, abstract 778.08).
Treating Alzheimer’s disease mice with the psychoactive compound found in marijuana improves memory and reduces neuronal loss, suggesting a possible therapy for the human disease (Yvonne Bouter, abstract 467.14).

“Today’s findings lend new understanding of the complex effects that cannabis has on the brain,” said press conference moderator Michael Taffe, PhD, of Scripps Research Institute and an expert in substance abuse research. “While it may have therapeutic potential in some situations, it is important to get a better understanding of the negative aspects as well, particularly for pregnant women, teens, and chronic users.”

Story Source:

Materials provided by Society for Neuroscience. Note: Content may be edited for style and length.

Originally published by Science Daily

From Brown University

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Teen Marijuana Use Alters Brain Function

Adolescent marijuana use may alter how neurons function in brain areas engaged in decision-making, planning and self-control, according to researchers at the University of Illinois at Chicago.

The findings, which were presented at Neuroscience 2018, the annual meeting of the Society for Neuroscience, are the result of an animal model study focused on the structural development of the prefrontal cortex, or PFC, which controls high-level cognitive functions.

Within the PFC, a support structure called the perineuronal net forms a lattice of proteins around inhibitory cells, helping to secure their connections with excitatory neurons and regulate PFC activity. Perineuronal net formation is sensitive to drug use, but the effects of marijuana are not known.

To investigate how adolescent marijuana use affects perineuronal nets in the PFC, the UIC researchers gave adolescent rats a synthetic cannabinoid which was similar to THC, the main psychoactive compound in marijuana, for one day, 10 days, or 10 days followed by a period of abstinence. They then compared perineuronal net structure in these rats to those in drug-free animals.

Animals exposed to the cannabinoid showed a reduction in net development around inhibitory cells during adolescence, and this reduction was more common in male animals.

“Our evidence suggests that exposure to cannabinoids during adolescence alters brain maturation in the prefrontal cortex,” said Eliza Jacobs-Brichford, study lead author and UIC Ph.D. candidate in psychology. “These results may offer a mechanistic explanation for functional and behavioral changes caused by adolescent cannabinoid exposure.”

Recreational use of marijuana is among the risky choices often made by adolescents, and likely to become more prevalent with greater availability due to its shifting legal status in some states and Canada.

These impulsive choices are taking place during a key period of brain development and could have costs later in life, according to the researchers.

“Adolescence is a crucial time for fine-tuning the balance of excitatory and inhibitory neurons in the brain, which combine to control precise patterns of brain activity,” said Jamie Roitman, UIC associate professor of psychology and study co-author. “Substance use as a teenager thus has the potential to disrupt the normal developmental trajectory of the PFC, with potentially long-term consequences for decision-making.”

Hu Chen, UIC research assistant professor of psychiatry, and Amy Lasek, UIC associate professor of psychiatry, are co-authors on the paper.

The study was supported with funds from the National Institute on Drug Abuse, one of the National Institutes of Health, and a UIC Provost Award for Graduate Research.

Story Source:

Materials provided by University of Illinois at Chicago. Note: Content may be edited for style and length.

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Holiday Parties And Recovery: The Alcohol Question

Family and friends are often uncomfortable when alcohol is served around a recovering family member. We don’t want to trigger a relapse, but living in an alcohol-free, trigger-free world isn’t possible either. How do we handle a holiday party, large family gatherings or wedding receptions? Are we are responsible for the person in recovery, especially if they decide to drink? Here are some things we can do to be supportive.

Before The Party

Talk to the recovering person regarding alcohol being served. See what the person needs in the way of support, and allow a free pass to skip the event. She may need to bring someone to help her stay sober. Or he may need an escape plan, so he can leave if he is triggered to drink. She may make this plan with you or with her sponsor. This includes transportation plans. Let the recovering person know what you will do if there is relapse. (This might involve some boundaries work on your part.)

At The Party

Treat her the same way you treat everyone else at the event, with compassion, acceptance, and fun. It’s important to offer trust and support without being intrusive. If you are very close to this person, you may check-in with her to see how she’s doing, but this must be done in a compassionate manner. Trying to control or accuse may trigger a power struggle or worse.

What you don’t do is also critical. First, don’t try to monitor them throughout the event in an attempt to control them and their decisions.

What they do, how they handle the pressure, and what they drink is their decision.

Second, don’t gossip about the recovering person with others’ at the event. Their struggle with addiction is THEIR story. They decide whether to talk about the substance use disorder and recovery.

If You’re Hosting

If you are hosting, you get to choose what you serve. The first step is to examine your motives. Why would you like to serve alcohol? Conversely, why would you not serve alcohol? You may decide to skip the booze, but but this must come from our own choice. Focus on what is best for you. Not serving because you are trying to save the person from relapsing is fraught with expectations and can lead to resentment. You cannot control other’s behaviors. If the person is going to drink, it will happen. Trying to control may trigger old habits of hiding, lying, and rebelling.

If you decide to offer alcohol, also make sure there are a variety of non-alcohol drinks. Sometimes the recovering person may want to put the non-alcohol substance in a beer stein or wine glass so not to have to explain to everyone why he/she/they isn’t drinking.

If There Is A Relapse

If this person relapses, make sure they are safe to leave the party alone. This is something you would do for anyone at the event who may be drinking too much. Further, this may entail taking away the car keys and driving the person home. Treating your loved one the same as you would treat anyone else helps keep your boundaries in check.

Most importantly, we do not beat ourselves up if there is a relapse. It is up to the recovering person to make healthy choices. A relapse doesn’t automatically mean a chronic slip back into the life of full addiction. Sometimes a relapse helps solidify why the person’s commitment to recovery.  If there is a relapse, we continue to offer our support and ask the person how we can help them. This help may or may not be accepted.

Remember, this is their recovery, not yours. Offer support, be a good friend or family member, and help if asked. Otherwise, trust that the recovering person will do what is needed to stay sober.

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Alcohol, Recovery, & A Holiday Party: To Serve Or Not To Serve?

Family and friends are often uncomfortable when alcohol is served around a recovering family member. We don’t want to trigger a relapse, but living in an alcohol-free, trigger-free world isn’t possible either. How do we handle a holiday party, large family gatherings or wedding receptions? Are we are responsible for the person in recovery, especially if they decide to drink? Here are some things we can do to be supportive.

Before The Party

Talk to the recovering person regarding alcohol being served. See what the person needs in the way of support, and allow a free pass to skip the event. She may need to bring someone to help her stay sober. Or he may need an escape plan, so he can leave if he is triggered to drink. She may make this plan with you or with her sponsor. This includes transportation plans. Let the recovering person know what you will do if there is relapse. (This might involve some boundaries work on your part.)

At The Party

Treat her the same way you treat everyone else at the event, with compassion, acceptance, and fun. It’s important to offer trust and support without being intrusive. If you are very close to this person, you may check-in with her to see how she’s doing, but this must be done in a compassionate manner. Trying to control or accuse may trigger a power struggle or worse.

What you don’t do is also critical. First, don’t try to monitor them throughout the event in an attempt to control them and their decisions.

What they do, how they handle the pressure, and what they drink is their decision.

Second, don’t gossip about the recovering person with others’ at the event. Their struggle with addiction is THEIR story. They decide whether to talk about the substance use disorder and recovery.

If You’re Hosting

If you are hosting, you get to choose what you serve. The first step is to examine your motives. Why would you like to serve alcohol? Conversely, why would you not serve alcohol? You may decide to skip the booze, but but this must come from our own choice. Focus on what is best for you. Not serving because you are trying to save the person from relapsing is fraught with expectations and can lead to resentment. You cannot control other’s behaviors. If the person is going to drink, it will happen. Trying to control may trigger old habits of hiding, lying, and rebelling.

If you decide to offer alcohol, also make sure there are a variety of non-alcohol drinks. Sometimes the recovering person may want to put the non-alcohol substance in a beer stein or wine glass so not to have to explain to everyone why he/she/they isn’t drinking.

If There Is A Relapse

If this person relapses, make sure they are safe to leave the party alone. This is something you would do for anyone at the event who may be drinking too much. Further, this may entail taking away the car keys and driving the person home. Treating your loved one the same as you would treat anyone else helps keep your boundaries in check.

Most importantly, we do not beat ourselves up if there is a relapse. It is up to the recovering person to make healthy choices. A relapse doesn’t automatically mean a chronic slip back into the life of full addiction. Sometimes a relapse helps solidify why the person’s commitment to recovery.  If there is a relapse, we continue to offer our support and ask the person how we can help them. This help may or may not be accepted.

Remember, this is their recovery, not yours. Offer support, be a good friend or family member, and help if asked. Otherwise, trust that the recovering person will do what is needed to stay sober.

The post Alcohol, Recovery, & A Holiday Party: To Serve Or Not To Serve? appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.

5 Life Lessons We Can Learn From Dogs

From Beverly D. Flaxington @ Psychology Today: Unconditional love. It’s what most human beings are searching for – that sense of “You are okay, no matter what.” Unfortunately, a variety of factors make achieving unconditional love from another human being (and giving it to ourselves) tricky. Most parents don’t really know how to offer it – they weren’t raised with it either. Institutions like schools and even churches can have the “good boy/girl, and bad boy/girl” approach to reprimanding and punishment. Love is elusive at best and never achievable at worst for most people.

Enter the dog. Dogs seem to be wired for unconditional love, and it isn’t because humans deserve it from them. In fact, statistics show that every ten seconds abuse on an animal is committed somewhere in the U.S. They suffer at the hands of the people who are supposed to love them, and yet they continue to be loyal and dedicated to their owners. Mark Twain famously said:

“If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man.”

In these challenging times where friends and neighbors are at each other, accusing each other based on a political affiliation or a view of the world, what can you learn from the love of a dog? Five important things to mimic that dogs teach us:

1. Bark Less, Wag More

Most dogs bark for a reason – the annoying squirrel runs in front of them, the neighbor’s dog is growling, the doorbell is shrill and lets the family know someone is visiting. The barking is done for a reason. You may not believe it, but to the dog, there is a purpose. Wags, however, are random. Wags happen for any reason at any time. They are the happy response to even the slightest positive encouragement. It can be your happy voice they hear in another room. It can be the neighbor’s dog they really like; the idea of a treat, or a back rub. When you look at a dog’s day, most dogs spend little time in bark mode and lots of time in wag mode (assuming they are not in an abusive situation, of course). Look at your day. Where can you bark less and wag more?

2. Everyone Deserves Love

Imagine, dogs will forgive even the worst abuser if they simply show the dog some love! Yes, desperately abused dogs may take the rest of their lifetime to realize their full potential once they are out of the abusive relationship, and some are scared and scarred forever, but most dogs bounce back. They want to love; they want to offer love; and they want to be loved. Dogs don’t care about skin color, sexual preference, gender identity, income brackets or career choice; they just know you are human and you might be someone who will offer a pat and a rub. Do you hold back love based on someone’s lifestyle or outward appearance? Find places you can offer more love, even when you don’t feel someone is worthy of it.

3. The Play Yard Is Big

It’s the whole darn world! Dogs love to romp. They love to run, and play and jump and chase things. They chase tails, and run after toys. For most dogs, it is especially fun to run unfettered through the woods or the dog park. Running in a circle inside the fence is cause for joy! As a human, you have loads of places to run and jump and play, even if it is inside your own tiny apartment. If you are physically capable, put on some music and dance, do jumping jacks, take a walk around your block, find some woods and just run for a little bit. Allow yourself to move your body and experience the world around you. Humans sit far too much, and don’t move enough to experience themselves. How else can you move today and change your physical experience?

4. Everyone Is A Possible Friend

There are definitely some dogs, based typically on how they were raised, who aren’t fond of other dogs. Many will enjoy the company of a cat or a rabbit or a ferret, however, in place of another canine friend. Most dogs – and dog parks are a great example – love to have a new friend. They enjoy getting to know them, and then playing with them. Dogs are fascinating in that they seem to understand each other’s limitations. A large Rottweiler will get down on the ground with a tiny Rat Terrier in order not to hurt the other dog with its size. While you don’t want to go around sniffing other human beings the way that dogs do, what if you approached each person you met with a curiosity about “what can I learn about you?” “What fun might we be able to have together, and what can you teach me?” Humans are also fascinating and interesting, if you take the time to get to know the ones you encounter each day.

5. Rest Time Is Great, Too

Dogs can run, play, hike in the woods and go for long walks, but then it is time for a nap. Humans can’t (and shouldn’t) mimic the 12 to 18 hours per day that most dogs will sleep. It isn’t practical, and would probably indicate depression in a human being! However, the idea of rest or a nap is a good one in a busy, non-stop life. You may not be able to sleep, but what about finding ways to take a nice deep breath during the day just to calm yourself? Or closing your eyes for a few minutes to use some positive self-talk (not when driving, of course) or maybe, when the time is right, getting under the covers for a quick one-hour nap? Heck, it might be nice to snuggle up with your dog!

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Repairing Your Self-Esteem

From Exploring Your Mind: We all need to be recognized. It’s not a matter of pride, selfishness, or immaturity. Human beings, from the earliest moments in their lives, absolutely need respect and affection from everyone around them, which is where we implicitly find that sincere recognition towards us as people.

Our value as a loved, cared for human being is recognized. Our virtues and our ability to move forward and achieve things are recognized. Likewise, we have the ability to be happy; we mature with integrity. The strength of those close connections gives us confidence and helps us to grow. Our parents and our family are the first social circle responsible for giving us recognition, respect, and affection.

If we are recognized and respected, our self-esteem blossoms. But be careful! Just as we accept it, it is also essential to know how to offer recognition to others: “I value you as a person, I appreciate you and believe in you. I know what you are capable of and I respect you for that. You are part of my life.”

Today, let’s talk about that. Let’s dig deeper into the concept of recognition.

Recognition And Self-esteem

First off, let’s reminds ourselves of all those pillars that form the foundation of our self-esteem:

1. Respect For Oneself

This is indispensable. If you don’t even value yourself and recognize yourself as a capable and important person, we have nothing. Love always starts with one’s own person. If I value myself and am able to see all of my virtues and my right to be happy, I will be capable of almost anything.

2. Self-Confidence

I am aware of my abilities and my limitations. I trust in myself to move forward with balance and security all along my life path. If I do not have confidence in myself, I lose control of my life. Or, what is worse, I leave it in the hands of others.

3. The Responsibility To Have Control Over Our Own Lives

You are the captain of your ship. You are not a cabin boy and definitely not a stowaway. It is necessary that we know from very early on how to make our own decisions, how to value ourselves more as people and to be brave.

4. The Belief That We Are Appreciated

Never look at your life from a perspective of loss, but always with one of possibility. One of ability. Recognize your virtues, your strengths, never your weak points. We are all allowed to be happy in this complex life; all that is required is assurance in oneself and courage. Never think that others are more deserving than you, or this will be the moment when you start to build walls up around your life. Do not make this mistake.

As you can see, we all need recognition, and above all else, self-recognition. We each need to feel certain that we are deserving of success, balance, and happiness. Maybe you did not enjoy that respect and recognition from your family in the first years of your life. It may be that those close connections were not the most appropriate for your particular case.

Maybe it was like this, but never stay chained to this unhappy past. Do some inward reflection, look for the strengths that we all have, and seek the life jacket of that self-recognition, the one that tells you that you are a courageous person, that you deserve the best and that love always starts with oneself.

The Need For Healthy Recognition

As you can see, we have been talking about essential recognition that supports the concept of self-esteem, although we must also make a small distinction. Surely you know one, maybe several people who are always looking for recognition from others.

When our need for validation of our own actions, words, behavior, attitudes, and even physical appearance become borderline obsessive, then we’ve crossed over into an unhealthy yearning for recognition. We are looking in the outside world for what we cannot find in our own interior world.

It is absolutely true that we all need our friends, family, and partner to offer us recognition, but not in an obsessive and continuous way, because then what I am showing is a clear insecurity in my person. And then, one cornerstone of my self-esteem would be falling apart.

Recognition is necessary for human beings. It helps us to grow with assurance. However, it is also necessary that we exercise it inside ourselves, making it rise up like an inner locomotive capable of giving us confidence, strength, and stability.

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