Leslie Glass's Blog, page 239
September 17, 2019
34 Pictures That Show You Exactly What Muscles You’re Stretching
Stretching before and after a workout is a great way to promote blood flow to the muscles and increase flexibility. But do you know what muscles you’re stretching?
Stretching may help you improve the range of motion of your joints, which in turn may help improve your athletic performance and decrease your risk of injury (1).
Although you may feel a slight burn in your muscles as you stretch them, you may not know exactly what muscles the stretch is actually affecting.
These 34 pictures made by Vicky Timon, a yoga expert and author of “Encyclopedia of Pilates Exercises,” and James Kilgallon, CSCS, creator of Mazio’s Body Maintenance Program will give you a better sense of how your body actually responds to your favourite stretches.
1. Camel Pose
Muscles emphasized: Rectus Abdominus and External Obliques.
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This stretch requires a good base of flexibility. Simply sit on your heels with your hands behind you, and push your hips up and forward. Try to keep the pressure off your lumbar spine. If you have any neck pain or imapaied mobility in the neck, don’t drop your head back as you perform this stretch.
2. Wide Forward Fold
Muscles emphasized: adductors and hamstrings.
This little stretch will open your hips. Start by sitting on your bum, with your knees bent and your feet alined with your groin. Hold your back straight and breathe deeply. As your muscles begin to relax, straighten your legs out. Gently lower your chest and reach out for your feet. Pull the balls of your feet to stretch out your calf muscles. You can also use a belt if you can’t reach your feet.
3. Frog Pose
Muscles emphasized: adductors.
Stretch out your groin with this deep stretch. Start by resting your hands and knees on a yoga mat. Widen your knees until your feel resistance in your groin and upper thigh. Gently push your hips forward or backward to deepen the stretch
4. Wide Side Lunge Pose
Muscles emphasized: adductors.
Stand up with legs apart in a wide stance Bend forward and walk your right leg outward. Bend your right knee and point your left toes towards the ceiling. Keep your right foot firmly on the ground and rest your weight on your right hip.
5. Butterfly Stretch
Muscles emphasized: adductors.
Sit down comfortably and bring the soles of your feet together. Keep your back straight. Deepen your stretch by applying pressure on your knees with your hands or elbows. The closer you keep your feet to your groin, the more you’ll stretch your upper thigh muscles. Once you feel a good stretch, move your feet away from your hips and bend forward to try to touch the ground. This will loosen up your lower back muscles.
6. Forearm Extensor Stretch
Muscles emphasized: Forearm extensor.
Stand up with your shoulder and back straight. Roll your shoulders backwards to open up your chest. Stretch your arms out in front of you. Place your right hand over your left hand and apply pressure. Your left hand should bend at the wrist and you should feel pressure in your forearm. Your can also bend your wrist in the opposite direction for a fuller stretch.
7. Lateral Side Flexion of the Neck
Muscles emphasized: sternocleidomastoid “SCM”.
Keep your neck long and straight, slowly band your neck towards your left shoulder, but do not touch it. Try to make sure that your neck is straight and in line with your spine. You can take it a step further by sitting on a chair and holding on to the bottom of your seat
8. Neck Rotation Stretch
Muscles emphasized: sternocleidomastoid “SCM”.
Begin by slowly rotating your neck towards your left. Make sure to keep your chin up to engage the right muscles. You can also use your left arm to apply pressure on the right side of your chin.
9. Neck Extension Stretch
Muscles emphasized: sternocleidomastoid “SCM”.
Stand up straight and place your hands on your hips. Keep your back straight and gently tilt your head backwards. Keep your shoulders back to make sure your spine is in the right position.
10. Lateral Side Flexion of the Neck with Hand Assistance
Muscles emphasized: sternocleidomastoid “SCM” and upper trapezius.
This stretch is similar to the Lateral Side Flexion of the Neck (n°7). Keep your neck long and straight, slowly band your neck towards your left shoulder. Take your left hand and gently pull your head towards your left shoulder. You can deepen the stretch by sitting on a chair and holding onto the seat with your right arm.
11. Half Kneeling Quad / Hip Flexor Stretch
Muscles emphasized: psoas and quadriceps.
Start on the floor on your knees, standing tall. Bring your left hip forward, supporting yourself by placing your left foot in front of you. You should feel a stretch in your hip and you put you weight on your left foot. Place your right hand your right foot and bring it towards you. Hold the stretch for a minute if possible.
12. Forearm Extensor Stretch
Muscles emphasized: forearm extensor.
Stand up with your shoulder and back straight. Roll your shoulders backwards to open up your chest. Stretch your arms out in front of you. Place your right hand over your left hand and apply pressure. Your left hand should be rbent at the wrist and you should feel pressure in your forearm. Your can also bring your arms above your head while holding the same position to stretch your shoulders.
Continued on page 2…
This content was originally published here.
The post 34 Pictures That Show You Exactly What Muscles You’re Stretching appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.
September 16, 2019
Meditation is Mental Fitness — If You Do It This Way
Athletes get into “the zone.” Creatives tap into “flow state.” We may obtain a heightened sense of awareness in these moments, but they are exactly that: temporary. Once the rock climber comes down from the mountain, she snaps back into her “everyday sense of the world,” says psychologist and science journalist Daniel Goleman, discussing his recent book Altered Traits written with neuroscientist Richie Davidson.
In this video for BigThink, Goleman explores how we can bring the beneficial effects of those “altered states” into the everyday.
How Meditation Changes the Brain
When we are able to concentrate wholly on something, we enter a heightened state of temporary awareness—what Goleman refers to as altered states. Through meditation, however, we can create what he calls altered traits—a permanent change in the way our minds work.
“Altered traits […] are lasting changes or transformations of being, and they come classically through having cultivated an altered state through meditation, which then has a consequence for how you are day-to-day—and that’s different than how you were before you tried the meditation.”
The mind is a gym and meditation is a basic workout.
Goleman says research suggests seasoned meditators are better able to focus, staying on task despite distractions around them, and are more resilient—able to snap back from an angry outburst, for instance.
The key to developing this mental strength? Bringing the mind back, again and again.
“At some point, when you’re trying to do your meditation, your mind will wander. We’re wired that way. The key is: Do you notice that it wanders? Once you notice your mind has wandered off and you bring it back, you’re strengthening the circuitry for focus [and] attention.
Ultimately, meditating more has long-term benefits, such as a better stress response.
“Just like going to the gym and working out for years and years doing reps, you get bigger muscles and more strength and fitness, the same thing happens in the mind. The mind is a gym and meditation is a basic workout.”
The post Meditation is Mental Fitness — If You Do It This Way appeared first on Mindful.
This content was originally published here.
The post Meditation is Mental Fitness — If You Do It This Way appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.
The Last 10 Things You’d Want To Do For Sober Weekends
Weekends should be fun. But in early sobriety, the days off can seem daunting. Here are some of our least favorite things to do when we should be enjoying our down time.
1
Waiting in line at the post office or DMV
Samantha Curreli at 07:58 pm September 14, 20190
Lines are generally unpleasant. According to The Fact Site, the average person can spend up to five years of their life waiting in line?
2
Going through all of your junk mail
Samantha Curreli at 07:58 pm September 14, 20190
Junk mail can pile up faster than snow during an avalanche. That nagging mountain on your table or counter? If you feel like you have to go through it this weekend, why not make it fun and try making some origami using the useless sheets?
3
Being on hold on a call all day
Samantha Curreli at 07:58 pm September 14, 20190
Did you know the longest time spent on hold is 15 hours, 40 minutes, and one second, according to an ABC News article?
4
Sitting in a waiting room
Samantha Curreli at 07:58 pm September 14, 20190
Waiting rooms aren't fun to begin with. But when it comes down to waiting for a couple of hours, yes hours, for an appointment, who really wants to do that on a weekend?
5
Waiting for a delivery
Samantha Curreli at 07:58 pm September 14, 20190
Whether you're waiting to sign for a package or you have to be home for a repair man, it gets boring. Quickly. Distract yourself with a book or a good show. After all, who knows when they'll really show up?
6
Looking for a parking space
Samantha Curreli at 07:58 pm September 14, 20190
According to an article in the Seattle Times, the average driver can spend up to 58 hours per year looking for a parking spot. That's a little less than 2 and a half days wasted in cars and stewing in aggravation.
7
Watching only TV commercials
Samantha Curreli at 07:58 pm September 14, 20190
Sometimes it feels like all you're watching on TV is commercials. Some stations are inundated with them. When in doubt? Mute the channel and come up with your own script to the commercials.
8
Filing a Tax return
Samantha Curreli at 07:58 pm September 14, 20190
According to the IRS, it can take someone an average of 13 months to prepare and file their tax return. Who wants to spend a Saturday like that?
9
Waiting for your phone to recharge
Samantha Curreli at 07:58 pm September 14, 20190
You know that phrase, "A watched pot doesn't boil"? Well, a watched phone apparently doesn't charge--or it takes forever.
10
Sitting in traffic
Samantha Curreli at 07:58 pm September 14, 20190
Did you know that drivers can spend an average of 41 hours sitting in traffic per year? And after 50 years of driving experience, we can spend up to 122 days in traffic. That's four months of road rage!
The post The Last 10 Things You’d Want To Do For Sober Weekends appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.
10 Horrible Activities to do for Sober Weekends
Weekends should be fun. But in early sobriety, the days off can seem daunting. Here are some of our least favorite things to do when we should be enjoying our down time.
1
Waiting in line at the post office or DMV
Samantha Curreli at 07:58 pm September 14, 20190
Lines are generally unpleasant. According to The Fact Site, the average person can spend up to five years of their life waiting in line?
2
Going through all of your junk mail
Samantha Curreli at 07:58 pm September 14, 20190
Junk mail can pile up faster than snow during an avalanche. That nagging mountain on your table or counter? If you feel like you have to go through it this weekend, why not make it fun and try making some origami using the useless sheets?
3
Being on hold on a call all day
Samantha Curreli at 07:58 pm September 14, 20190
Did you know the longest time spent on hold is 15 hours, 40 minutes, and one second, according to an ABC News article?
4
Sitting in a waiting room
Samantha Curreli at 07:58 pm September 14, 20190
Waiting rooms aren't fun to begin with. But when it comes down to waiting for a couple of hours, yes hours, for an appointment, who really wants to do that on a weekend?
5
Waiting for a delivery
Samantha Curreli at 07:58 pm September 14, 20190
Whether you're waiting to sign for a package or you have to be home for a repair man, it gets boring. Quickly. Distract yourself with a book or a good show. After all, who knows when they'll really show up?
6
Looking for a parking space
Samantha Curreli at 07:58 pm September 14, 20190
According to an article in the Seattle Times, the average driver can spend up to 58 hours per year looking for a parking spot. That's a little less than 2 and a half days wasted in cars and stewing in aggravation.
7
Watching only TV commercials
Samantha Curreli at 07:58 pm September 14, 20190
Sometimes it feels like all you're watching on TV is commercials. Some stations are inundated with them. When in doubt? Mute the channel and come up with your own script to the commercials.
8
Filing a Tax return
Samantha Curreli at 07:58 pm September 14, 20190
According to the IRS, it can take someone an average of 13 months to prepare and file their tax return. Who wants to spend a Saturday like that?
9
Waiting for your phone to recharge
Samantha Curreli at 07:58 pm September 14, 20190
You know that phrase, "A watched pot doesn't boil"? Well, a watched phone apparently doesn't charge--or it takes forever.
10
Sitting in traffic
Samantha Curreli at 07:58 pm September 14, 20190
Did you know that drivers can spend an average of 41 hours sitting in traffic per year? And after 50 years of driving experience, we can spend up to 122 days in traffic. That's four months of road rage!
The post 10 Horrible Activities to do for Sober Weekends appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.
September 14, 2019
9 Traits of Narcissism
What are the traits of narcissism? We hear the term a lot, and awareness of narcissism is growing. But what traits constitutes a true narcissist? Is being selfish narcissistic? Is a lack of kindness narcissistic? There is a bell curve of traits that leads to the diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
5 traits of narcissism are needed for narcissistic personality disorder diagnosis
For a diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder a person must have five of the following nine symptoms:
Grandiosity and overestimates their worth and abilities
Belief of being ‘special’ and that only other ‘special’ people are worth time and energy
Fanaticizes about success and their own brilliance as well as other personal qualifications that are special
Needs constant admiration
Has a sense of entitlement, i.e., believing that they are so special, others should give them favorable treatment
Exploits others, i.e., takes advantage of people as their right to do so
Typically arrogant and self-serving and patronizing of others
Lacks empathy, i.e., doesn’t have compassion for others and doesn’t understand these feelings of others
Envious of others although they won’t show this and also believes that others are envious of them.
This cluster has symptoms of being dramatic, being overly emotional, and erratic. The narcissist displays symptoms of “grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy” (DSM-5, pg. 645).
We also know that narcissists are very susceptible to what is called ‘narcissistic injury’ which means that their self esteem is poor and they are easily hurt by others’ criticism and by feelings of losing to others. They do not want others to see their vulnerability so they often act out with rage and hate, especially towards those who they feel cause such injury.
When Narcissism Is A Disorder Not A Trait
Self-absorption is a common trait of teens, especially males. But most teens do grow out of what often seems like total self-absorption that does not allow for the needs of others. One clue of narcissistic traits that continue into adulthood is seeing nothing wrong with yourself no matter what, and believing that everyone and everything around you needs to change to accommodate your needs. Does this inflexibility remind you of someone you know? People like this tend to be crazy-making and hurtful.
We all have some traits related to personality disorders, but a true personality disorder means “traits are inflexible and maladaptive and cause significant functional impairment or subjective distress” (DSM V pg. 647). And one doesn’t just develop a personality disorder; it starts early and continues along the path leading into adulthood.
The Bell Curve Of Narcissism
Like most things in life, narcissism is on a continuum. Think of it like a bell curve. Down at the bottom of the bell someone may have a few traits. The more traits you have, the higher you are on the curve. You need five or more traits to merit a personality disorder diagnosis. High number of traits can also lead to the anti-social personality disorder diagnosis. But, we all, at times, may demonstrate some narcissistic behaviors such as being overly self-involved at times or fantasize about our wants and needs and our ability to seek such outcomes.
Understanding our own issues and taking responsibility keep us from sliding into narcissism – from narcissism on a low level to that of a pure personality disorder, and we also need to know how to get out from a narcissist’s control.
The post 9 Traits of Narcissism appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.
Mom Needs Patience For Recovery
Patience for recovery is something we don’t talk about much. Having a chronic, progressive, relapsing brain disease (or Substance Use Disorder) sounds pretty serious, and it is. The reality in a nutshell is that a short stay in a rehab, or even a year or so in sober living communities, is not going to insure long term recovery success. That’s what’s driving the nation crazy. We don’t understand why a treatment system based on a concept of instant recovery isn’t working.
Patience for recovery is crucial because recovery doesn’t happen in the first year or two
This is a myth about addiction that needs to be debunked. If a child or teen uses drugs, his development stops at the beginning of use. His brain function has been altered. You’ll notice behavior changes, irritability and anger, for two. He or she may seem like a different person. And he is a different person.
Stopping use does not instantly reverse brain damage or behavior
Say you have a fifteen-year-old who drinks, takes drugs, and smokes pot. There will be changes in the whole family as her behavior worsens and habits progress. When your child is twenty-three and wants to get sober, she is emotionally still fifteen. She needs to start building a new foundation on which to grow. She has to play catch up and let her brain both heal and begin to develop again. This takes a long time. We haven’t accepted that basic fact about addiction yet.
Patience for recovery is like having patience for coming back from a stroke
SUD is a brain disease with a psychological component. It doesn’t doesn’t mean that loved one who has been a drug user can’t develop and become the best person in the world. It happens all the time. It does mean, however, that he/she won’t be restored to the cheerleader or A student or loving offspring that he was before he started. He’ll be something different, and that’s okay. It also means the family has to adapt to a new normal that includes changing its own behaviors to become healthy and functional. How many families have developed patience for recovery?
Chronic diseases prompt changes in lifestyle
If you discover you or a loved one has cancer, or heart
disease, or diabetes, you have to change your lifestyle forever in order to conquer the disease. That’s a fact. You’re different now. Your dinner table is going to look different. People will be sensitive to your new needs and may even join and to help keep you healthy. If your child had cancer, would you do
everything in the world to help him get better? Of course, you would.
I had to develop patience for recovery and change myself
When I was a mom coping with teens who were experimenting with drugs and alcohol, I was drinking a martini every night. I thought that drinking was their problem, not mine. Why should I give it up? After all, my young people were drinking in bars and getting sick and having consequences, and I was not. In addition, I was an adult. It was legal for me to drink and have a Xanax when I was afraid of flying. I did not make sure my teens were where they said they were. I did not check their backpacks, search their rooms or drug test them. I didn’t call their friends’ parents. I believed all the misinformation I received. When situations worsened, I kept remembering how my loved one used to be, and had magic thinking that we could get back there somehow. I didn’t accept the now.
Accepting the now
The now meant I had to be a different kind of parent. I’m not a good policeman. I don’t love confrontation. I hate having to check up and deliver consequences when people don’t tell the truth or are unreliable. I want everyone to be good and nice and reliable. I didn’t know how to be supportive without being directive. I didn’t know how to insist we have conversations without fighting. And I wasn’t so great at listening, either. I had to become a different person, just as my loved one had to become a different person.
With addiction, I had developed into a blind, hopeless and helpless mom. With recovery, which meant I had to change, including giving up my evening martini, I became a better person and could support lasting recovery.
The post Mom Needs Patience For Recovery appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.
3,271 Pill Bottles, a Town of 2,831: Court Filings Say Corporations Fed Opioid Epidemic – The New York Times
For years, long after the opioid crisis began, the giant pharmacy chains, including Walgreens and CVS, and Walmart did almost nothing to fulfill their legal duty to monitor suspicious orders, the plaintiffs’ lawyers claim. While they were supposed to block such orders and alert the Drug Enforcement Administration, they did so rarely.
One official at Walgreens tasked with monitoring such orders said his department was “not equipped” for that work. The company created lists of suspicious orders that ran thousands of pages, but then shipped them without further review.
Asked for a response, Walgreens issued a statement saying it “has not distributed prescription controlled substances since 2014 and before that time only distributed to our chain of pharmacies.” The company called itself “an industry leader in combating this crisis.”
An official at CVS who was listed as the company’s D.E.A. compliance coordinator admitted that it was not her real job, the plaintiffs’ filing said. Much of the company’s compliance was relegated to “pickers and packers” — the warehouse workers at distribution centers who appeared to have no formal training in monitoring and rarely held up orders. In the company’s Indianapolis distribution center, approximately two orders were flagged each year from 2006 to 2014.
Before 2011, Walmart had no discernible system to monitor suspicious orders. the plaintiffs contended. The company said that it relied on its hourly employees, which the plaintiffs called a “farcical” claim with no evidence of training or policy in place.
By 2015, the company put a system of storewide limits in place, but it was so forgiving that a store could go from ordering 10 dosages of 10 milligrams of oxycodone in one month, to 7,999 dosages the next, without raising an alarm. In a filing Friday, Walmart said that its pharmacy business accounted “for a vanishingly small part of the relevant market” and noted that an expert for the plaintiffs had concluded that Walmart distributed less than 1.3 percent of the opioids distributed to the Ohio counties that brought the case.
Rite Aid, in its own filing, said that “plaintiffs have presented no evidence” that the company’s “limited distribution of opioids caused any of their injuries,” an argument echoed by CVS, which said in its filing there was “no evidence’ that any CVS shipment to the counties was misused.
This content was originally published here.
The post 3,271 Pill Bottles, a Town of 2,831: Court Filings Say Corporations Fed Opioid Epidemic – The New York Times appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.
The People Who Hurt Us Are Vehicles for Our Growth
“You only see in others what you have in yourself.” ~Annette Noontil
I now recognize, after observing painful patterns repeat many times, how things that trigger me are just lessons I need to learn that are often delivered through other people. The more painful the experience, the more I can see (in retrospect) I learned from it.
Every now and then, when I find myself getting sucked into thoughts about the rightness or wrongness of a situation and how much pain it’s causing me, I take a step backward. I can see that people are just the mechanism to my growth, and painful experiences are just big Wrong Way signs redirecting me to my best life.
In his book Scattered Minds, Dr. Gabor Maté wrote, “It is well recognized now that people will form relationships with others exactly at the same level of psychological development and self-acceptance as their own… What we might call the law of equal development holds true even if the people themselves buy into the mythology that one of them is more emotionally mature than the other.”
I love this insight from Dr Maté, especially when he goes on to give a typical example of a married couple with one spouse that appears to be functioning in the world more successfully than the other. When the relationship is examined more closely it can usually be seen that both people have a lot of maturing to do in order to be able to function healthily as individuals rather than in a codependent state.
It’s no coincidence that we form relationships with people who trigger us. We are drawn to people who are, in some way, a match to our own issues, and they both challenge us and help us grow.
As a homeopathic practitioner recently observed, about two differing constitutions often drawn to one another: “One is in their head and has to learn to connect from their heart, the other is in their heart and has to learn to connect from their head.”
But all this holds true whether it’s an intimate relationship or a more distant one; if someone triggers you (positively or negatively) they have something to teach. Michael Kerr puts it simply as “People gravitate toward their emotional mirror images.”
“People tend to sort themselves out by levels of emotional development for many purposes, not just marriage, “ writes Stanley Greenspan, “because those functioning at different levels are practically speaking different languages…. People widely separated developmentally in fact have very little to talk about.”
It can be tough to look at people I have, at one time, literally despised and consider that we were emotional mirror images—for example, a jealous colleague who went out of her way to discredit me on a number of occasions. This doesn’t mean that I am a bully because someone bullied me (although it could mean that for someone else); it means that we both had an equal emotional stake in the same interaction.
In retrospect, I can see that my former colleague triggered pain from my childhood relationship with my mother.
My colleague’s modus operandi was an unfiltered lashing out at anything that stood in her way. Her unprofessional conduct went unchecked and unmanaged because she had been promoted for the short-term results she’d achieved.
Her behavior reflected the unfiltered (tongue) lashing I often received from my mum when she was feeling highly anxious.
As a child, I learned to stay out of trouble by anticipating her emotions and striving for perfection in my behavior so that I received no criticism (which was usually unfounded and always delivered in a way that felt crushing and unfair).
Not that I was ever passive, but when I wanted something I would go after it from a point of defense, justifying myself rationally rather than having healthy boundaries around my own needs and desires.
To be criticized publicly by a colleague was, therefore, not something that felt safe to me. My attempts at repairing the relationship privately were unsuccessful, and it was not until I stood up in a meeting and told her pointedly that I would not allow her (nor anyone else) to bully me that I garnered her respect.
This experience allowed me to see how much hurt I’d been harboring from my childhood, and to put energy into healing that old wound rather than perpetuating any more situations that echoed it.
With the benefit of hindsight and my own years of parenting, I can now see I wasn’t responsible for my mum’s anxiety; rather it was an amplification of her own anxiety as a child in reaction to the culture and environment she grew up in, and the way her behavior was managed.
While it’s easier for me these days to detach myself from issues that trigger me emotionally, note that I do still get triggered. That, I believe, will never change because there is no surer way to know what we do want without first experiencing what we don’t want. It is just best not to get stuck feeling sorry for ourselves.
I’ll admit it’s sometimes hard to see a way through the emotions of the moment, especially when it relates to an ongoing situation. When I’m triggered, it’s still through other people whom I would dearly love to validate my view, just as they would no doubt love me to validate theirs, so there is a lot to work on.
The beauty, though, is that I mostly choose to do it from a point of intrigue and willingness to learn and grow rather than feeling powerless and at the mercy of others.
Again, note I said mostly. Old habits die hard, and there are still many times where I’ll find myself turning to confidants to rant about something. For this reason I choose to confide in people who gently prompt me back to the observer’s chair, and the broader view.
And when similar situations keep arising, I know that life is presenting an important lesson for me. It’s not always immediately obvious what the real lesson is and how I can overcome my struggle, but experience has taught me that things become clear when they are ready to; my job is to cope as best as I can with my frustrations rather than make myself miserable.
And since the lessons are most often delivered through others, I try not to vilify them for their part. I know that in the future I will be thanking them—even if only inwardly—for the role they played in my ongoing growth and journey through life.
So what are you currently triggered by, and who is the focus of your frustrations? Think about past situations where you’ve felt similarly. When was the first time you can recall feeling this way? Try to see the pattern, and what it might be telling you.
Rather than living through the pain as a helpless victim, try to see the lessons you’ve come to learn. In whatever way the lesson is being played out, the true lesson will be some version of learning to love yourself more; it always is.
Can you imagine a world full of people who are seeking their power through self-love rather than trying to take from others? Now that is a world I’d like to live in.
About Shona Keachie
Shona teaches by the power of example how to find our inner truth among the often harried day to day practicalities of life. If you enjoyed this article you may enjoy When You Accept Yourself And Stop Seeking Approval, We May Not Relate to Everyone but We Might Need to Hear What They Have to Say and What Do the People in Your Life Have to Teach (Good and Bad)? To follow her blog click here.
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The post The People Who Hurt Us Are Vehicles for Our Growth appeared first on Tiny Buddha.
This content was originally published here.
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Playgrounds For Older Adults Boost Activity, Decrease Loneliness
Mental and physical health are important and should be nurtured regardless of age, but it seems that we should pay special attention in the case of the most fragile, which involves little children, and seniors.
Playgrounds are places where parents can take children to get some fresh air, enjoy the sunshine, interact with peers, and thus boost their motor skills, socialization and communication skills.
Yet, this can also be very beneficial for the elderly as well, as they have more in common with tender children than with any other age groups. They also need to develop their bodies, socialize, and boost interpersonal relationships.
People can become socially isolated for various reasons, and aging and getting weaker is among the most common ones. Yet, regardless of the cause, it’s shockingly easy to be left feeling alone and vulnerable, and this can rapidly cause a serious decline in physical health and wellbeing.
Loneliness and social isolation are growing public-health concerns for people of all ages, but they especially affect seniors. The latest National Poll on Healthy Aging found that about a third of seniors are lonely.
Chronic loneliness affects their physical well-being, mental health, memory, and life expectancy. Some research even suggests that it may shorten life expectancy even more than being overweight or sedentary, and just as much as smoking.
Researchers have found that loneliness can lead to a range of health issues that could threaten longevity and well-being, including higher risks of heart attacks, strokes, depression, anxiety, and early death.
On the other hand, these senior parks feature low-impact equipment which helps them improve muscle strength, motor coordination, balance and flexibility, and might include exercise bikes, cross-trainers, flex runners, flex wheels, sit-up benches, and low-speed treadmills. Moreover, they can solve their loneliness and isolation issues.
Joana Hughes, a spokeswoman for The Royal Parks, a London-based park management agency, explains that these parks nurture their social and mental health as well, despite the various physical health aspects.
In the last couple of decades, playgrounds for seniors are a common sight throughout Asia and Europe. In 1995, China set up a park to serve as a recreational area for seniors and was immediately followed by Japan and several European countries.
Yet, even though there are parks exclusive to seniors only, the United States is taking a different approach for the most part and opens multi-generational parks, suited for both seniors and children.
The elderly enjoy the company of children, and both groups interact more affably with one another.
KaBOOM! is an American non-profit organization that helps communities build playgrounds for children, and teamed up with the Humana Foundation to refurbish and rebuild old, abandoned parks.
They’ve built over 53 multigenerational parks across the country to serve hundreds of thousands of children and seniors. Sarah Pinksy, Director of Client Services at KaBOOM!, claimed that play is a great connector for adults and seniors and the children. Play has multiple cognitive and physical benefits, relieves stress in adults and combats toxic stress in kids.
Colin Milner, CEO of the International Council on Active Aging added that such environments are highly social, and have positive and invigorating effects.
Exercise and outdoor activities lower the rates of hospitalization and old-age symptoms in the elderly.
The City of La Marque, Galveston County, Texas, spent over $36,000 in 2014 to equip the Carbide Park for the elderly, and it now offers fitness steps, fitness ramps, cobweb floors, zig-zag pipe, throttle bar, stretching boards, seated bar grabs, and several other machines useful for maintaining mobility, flexibility, and boosting balance.
Stephen Holmes, a commissioner in the county, says that he expects seeing more seniors in these parks, socializing and improving their physical shape.
These parks are recreational spaces that will effectively help the elderly to combat loneliness and symptoms associated with inactivity, while the company of children will provide countless mental health and overall wellbeing benefits.
Dr. Carla Perissinotto, associate chief of clinical programs in geriatrics at the University of California San Francisco, says that fortunately, loneliness can be reversed.
Therefore, we should determine the best way to do so, and multigenerational parks are believed to be among the most efficient ways to improve the state of the elderly.
Sources:
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10 Ways Narcissists Take Control
What is a narcissist, you might ask. Are you controlled by one? Narcissists are the most confusing (and dangerous) people on earth. If they are toxic or malignant narcissists, they take control and rob you of your independence in every way. Don’t confuse a garden variety selfish person with a full on narcissist or sociopath.
See it coming and run for the hills. What’s difficult to assess in the beginning is that narcissists can seem super nice and generous and caring. Then slowly things begin to change as their masks slip and they morph into the black hole of need, of demand, of criticism. And the list goes on. Until you’re walking through a minefield, trying not to be punished for offending.
Narcissists only love themselves
What Are the 9 Traits Of A Narcissist
A narcissist will commonly choose someone raised to be co-dependent as prey. Co-dependent people tend to be nice, sweet, reasonable, eager to please. They can be taken in because they don’t see what’s coming and don’t believe people can be toxic for no reason. Most people don’t know how to defend ourselves against a chronic malicious controller. They just can’t see the hurt coming and, over time, they are destructively conditioned to take more and more of it until they are tiptoeing through a mine field, fearful that they are the crazy ones. A narcissist will take control by any means at hand. Let us count 10 common ways:
1. Gaslighting
We’ve written a lot about gaslighting a lot, and how destructive it is. This is not an official psychological term. When you are gaslighted, you feel uncomfortable and know something toxic has occurred, but the narcissist in your life tells you: “That didn’t happen. You imagined it. You’re crazy.” In a nutshell you’re lied to and that makes you doubt yourself. Gaslighting may be the most insidious manipulative tactic. A steady diet of doubting your ability to tell it like it really is alters your sense of reality. Your self-doubt eats away at your ability to trust yourself, and inevitably disables you from feeling justified in labeling and calling out abuse and mistreatment.
Solution: Write events down so you have a record later. Have a trusted group of friends and relations you can share information with who can validate what really happened, so you are grounded in reality. Your reality is sacred and needs respect. Note, telling and discussing what’s happening to you with others who love you is different from triangulation, which is using others to cause conflict. Best case scenario, get away from people who gaslight you. If they’re family members, limit their access to you.
2. Projecting Negative Feelings On You
Projection is a defense mechanism narcissists use to displace responsibility of their negative behavior and traits by attributing them to someone else. Narcissists cannot bear to think of themselves as bad, responsible for anything, angry, or difficult. Narcissists are constantly projecting feelings that they cannot tolerate outward to others rather than turning inward. They can’t admit or own up to what they have done. The narcissist creates his own world. Everything revolves around him/her. He believes that he is the initiator and master of his personal and professional domain. Everyone else has a role and that is of serving him and his specific purposes.
“You’re mad. You’re sulking, and you’re ruining my day…” are things they say to keep you off center. Projection is when narcissists dump their own traits on unsuspecting suspects. Instead of admitting that self-improvement may be in order, narcissists expect others to take responsibility for their bad behavior and feel ashamed. “I’m sorry. I love you,” is the response they want. This is a way for a narcissist to project any toxic shame they have about themselves onto another.
Solution: Detach. Detach, and detach. Feeling sorry for them and trying to deny the charge, or explain yourself, only opens the way to further manipulation. Narcissists rarely have an interest in self-insight or change. It’s important to cut ties and end interactions with toxic people as soon as possible so you don’t lose your own identity and independence of thought.
3. Creating Word Salad Conflicts
Narcissists thrive on conflict. If you ever disagree with a narcissist, want something different, or challenge them in any way, expect a word salad. These consist of circular conversations, arguments, projection, and gaslighting to disorient you and get you off track.
Word salads and nonsensical conversations often erupt into arguments and are used to discredit, confuse, and frustrate you. The goal is to distract you from the main problem and make you feel guilty for having independent thoughts, opinions, and feelings that might differ from their own. In the eyes of a narcissist, you are the problem if you happen to exist and disagree in any way.
Solution: When conversations go in a circle, or become nonsensical, don’t get frustrated. Frustration or anger is what a narcissist wants. Change the subject, or walk away. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” will set a boundary. Boundary setting is crucial for people you want to keep in your life.
Three Steps to Get Free of Manipulation
4. Nitpicking and Game Changing
Did you already fulfill someone’s need to be excessively catered to? Are you dressing for them cooking for them, working on yourself constantly to always be in a good mood, to be lovable and worthy? Now it’s time for a narcissist change what’s required. Little things you already corrected will need tweaking. New goals are set. Constant criticism of things you do that used to be praised puts you into a confused and anxious state. There’s no point to the new demands or criticism except for you to work harder for narcissist’s approval and validation.
By pointing out one irrelevant fact or one thing you did wrong and focusing on it, narcissists divert from your strengths and pull you into obsessing over any flaws or weaknesses instead. They get you thinking about the next expectation of theirs you’re going to have to meet – until eventually you’re always bent over backwards trying to fulfill their every need – only to realize they will never be satisfied.
Solution: Don’t get sucked into the conversation about whatever you’ve done wrong. Stop the tape. Disengage by taking a break. Acknowledge to yourself this is nonsense. Your opinion matters. If you are asking yourself, “Am I crazy” several times a day: Detach, detach, detach.
5. Misrepresenting Your Thoughts, Opinions, and Feelings
Your toxic narcissist is a mind reader. Toxic people often presume they know what you’re thinking and feeling, and it’s never good. Their own triggers drive their reactions, so they never evaluate what’s really happening. They put words in your mouth, depict you as having a bad intention or toxic view you don’t have. They accuse you of thinking of them as toxic – even before you’ve gotten the chance to call them out on their behavior – and this also serves as a form of preemptive defense.
Narcissists reframe what you’re saying to make your opinions look absurd. Let’s say you bring up the fact that you’re unhappy with the way a toxic friend is speaking to you. In response, he or she may put words in your mouth, saying, “Oh, so now you’re perfect?” or “So I’m the bad one,” when you’ve done nothing but express your feelings. This enables them to take away your right to have thoughts and emotions about their inappropriate behavior and instills in you a sense of guilt when you attempt to establish boundaries.
Solution: Simply stating, “I never said that,” and walking away can help to set a firm boundary in this type of interaction. As long as the narcissist’s smokescreen and blame-shifting to you works the focus is off their own behavior, they have succeeded in convincing you that you should be “shamed” for giving them any sort of realistic feedback.
6. Changing The Subject
This is another smokescreen tactic. This one diverts a conversation about what a narcissist did, or does, in another direction. Often the redirect lands on one of your weaknesses. Narcissists don’t want you to on hold them accountable for anything. Complaining about their behavior? They’ll point out a mistake you committed seven years ago. This type of diversion has no limits in terms of time or subject content, and often begins with a sentence like “What about the time when…”
Solution: Diversions need to be redirected back to the original subject. “That’s not what I am talking about. Let’s stay focused on the real issue.” If the broken record continues to focus on you, disengage and spend your energy on something more constructive – like not having a debate with someone who has the mental age of a toddler.
7. Smearing and Stalking
Toxic narcissists will slander you and report back to your loved ones, their loved ones, and anyone who will listen. They create stories that depict you as abusive and pretend they are the victims of your abuse. They claim that you engage in the behaviors that they don’t want you to accuse them of. Even worse, they deliberately abuse you so they can use your angry reactions against you.
A smear campaign sabotages your reputation and slanders your name so that you won’t have a support network to fall back on if you decide to detach and cut ties. A malignant narcissist may even stalk and harass you or the people you know as a way to “expose” the truth about you. Smearing you hides their own abusive behavior while projecting it onto you.
Solution: Get help. Seriously. Don’t wait until this goes too far. This is more than hurtful. Stick to the facts and don’t react when you’re an object of a smear campaign. In high-conflict divorces narcissists will use your reactions to their provocations against you. Document any form of harassment, cyberbullying or stalking incidents, and always speak to your narcissist through a lawyer whenever possible. Find a therapist and a lawyer familiar with Narcissistic Personality Disorder if necessary.
8. Triangulating
Triangulation is bringing the opinion, perspective or threat of another person, or other people, into the relationship dynamic. Malignant narcissists love to triangulate their significant other with strangers, co-workers, ex-partners, friends and even family members to bolster their claims about you. “Everyone knows what you do to me.” When a narcissist changes the story so that you appear the aggressor, it validates the toxic person’s abuse. At the same time, it invalidates your reaction to abuse. Triangulation puts you on the defensive and makes it difficult for others to know what’s really going on. If you try to defend yourself too vigorously, that may also validate the other person’s claims.
Triangulation can also create love triangles that leave you on the outside feeling unhinged and insecure. They also use the opinions of others (that they have influenced) to validate their point of view.
This is a diversionary tactic meant to pull your attention away from their abusive behavior and into a false image of them as a desirable, sought after person. It also leaves you questioning yourself – if Mary did agree with Tom, doesn’t that mean that you must be wrong? The truth is, narcissists love to “report back” falsehoods about others say about you, when in fact, they are the ones smearing you.
Solution: To resist triangulation tactics, realize that whoever the narcissist is triangulating with is also being triangulated by your relationship with the narcissist as well. Everyone is essentially being played by this one person. Reverse “triangulate” the narcissist by gaining support from a third party that is not under the narcissist’s influence – and also by seeking your own validation.
9. Preemptive Defense Posturing
Preemptive defense is setting up a false nice guy front. Narcissists paint themselves in glowing terms all the time, stressing qualities they don’t have. “I’m a nice person.” Or, “I’m too nice. Or “You can trust me…I really care about people. I would never hurt you, or anyone.” There’s no basis in fact for these assertions.
Toxic and abusive people overstate their ability to be kind and compassionate. They often tell you that you should “trust” them without first building a solid foundation of trust. When you see their false mask begin to slip periodically during the devaluation phase of the abuse cycle, the true self is revealed to be terrifyingly cold, callous and contemptuous.
Solution: To counter a preemptive defense, reevaluate why a person may be emphasizing their good qualities. Is it because they think you don’t trust them, or because they know you shouldn’t? Trust actions more than words and see how someone’s actions reveal who they really are.
Everything you say can be a bomb in relationship manipulation
Why Hurt Feelings Can Be Manipulation
10. Bait and Sugarcoating
Toxic individuals love to mess with you. A simple comment may bait you into responding politely initially, but by the third jab it’s hard not to react. Then the narcissist feigns innocence. They use your insecurities maliciously to provoke you. After you’ve fallen for it, hook line and sinker, they’ll stand back and innocently ask whether you’re “okay” and talk about how they didn’t “mean” to agitate you. This faux innocence works to catch you off guard and make you believe that they truly didn’t intend to hurt you, until it happens so often you can’t deny the reality of their malice any longer.
Solution: Remember you’re being baited so you can avoid engaging altogether. Provocative statements, name-calling, hurtful accusations or unsupported generalizations, for example, are common baiting tactics. Your gut instinct can also tell you when you’re being baited. Feeling bad about what another is saying and expounding on is a red flag for you to get some space and detach.
The control that narcissists have over their victims is no joking matter. Become aware and take steps to take care of yourself. You may need help getting away and healing. If you are deeply embroiled and there are children involved, or if you don’t feel safe, find legal and other help to protect you.
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