Aegelis's Blog, page 6
February 18, 2023
Aunt's recommendations for X (Captain Ruik's Adventure)
Received some helpful recommendations from my aunt:
"Congratulations on your book. It was a wonderful story. I love your crazy photo on the back cover. I can see that you have your Dad's cool, quirky personality and then some. Your statement at the beginning of the book about the story coming from your "brain soup" is very original . "Here thar be fiction", I just love it.
I would like to give a small critique (or not so small) of your work if you are open to it. (IF NOT STOP HERE)
When you write remember that you are an artist who is creating images with words.
I felt that the story needed more color and feeling. For example page 9: something like - Anger flashed in her green eyes as she grabbed him by the scruff of his burlap shirt. This adds color and feeling. We now know that she has green eyes and can feel her anger. Also a comment that the men were shocked at her strength as she was much stronger than her size would let on. I, as your reader, was very hungry to capture an image of her in my mind. You did mention her hair on page 88 and that helped.
The storm was a great place to create images and feelings. You did this on page 21 - Lightening spidered across the sky -very nice, but try to add more color, such as an indigo shy turning black with rage. More descriptions of the colors of the sea, the islands, the sky, Captain Ruik's clothes. Consider images of sounds. Sailors barking orders barely heard over crashing waves and fierce winds or praying under their breath as they realized the storm to be stronger than they expected. Try to make the reader feel their fear and their courage. Everyone loves a stormy sea and a potential shipwreck as long as they are not in it.
You later in the story mentioned the color purple being associated with Royalty and how it was the most expensive color to produce at the time. This was great. It was colorful and I learned something.
On page 64 you said that she dabbed on some cosmetics. All that came to mind for me was Maybelline. This did not fit in my mind. She might have used Kajol or Kohl in those days. It felt too modern. Struggling to fix her long wind blown hair, would have painted a picture of a woman who, as a Captain of men, had for years, been more focused on her ship than her appearance. This goes to my next point, a scene that I loved. Around page 85 when other women came aboard to help fight, Max made a comment about women not being on ships and then he caught his error when he realized that the Captain was a woman. These few words spoken by Max proved that her gender did not matter - that she had his full respect. The same respect that he would give any man. Your fight scene was well done.
I wanted to know so much more about this woman. How did she get from stowaway to Captain of her own ship?
Here is the thing, Tony, you are a military man and a scientist, this you can see in your writing. The way she gives orders, for example, the map at the start of the book, the battle scene. I would like to suggest that you tap into your inner artist. MAKE us see her, feel the storm, see the island where she ends up. Add that to your really good writing and make it great.
Remember that this is only one woman's opinion. Please keep writing. I hope that something that I put forth here helps you along your writing path.
...
Let me know when your next book becomes available.
Your critique ( I need a title in my old age) with Love"
"Congratulations on your book. It was a wonderful story. I love your crazy photo on the back cover. I can see that you have your Dad's cool, quirky personality and then some. Your statement at the beginning of the book about the story coming from your "brain soup" is very original . "Here thar be fiction", I just love it.
I would like to give a small critique (or not so small) of your work if you are open to it. (IF NOT STOP HERE)
When you write remember that you are an artist who is creating images with words.
I felt that the story needed more color and feeling. For example page 9: something like - Anger flashed in her green eyes as she grabbed him by the scruff of his burlap shirt. This adds color and feeling. We now know that she has green eyes and can feel her anger. Also a comment that the men were shocked at her strength as she was much stronger than her size would let on. I, as your reader, was very hungry to capture an image of her in my mind. You did mention her hair on page 88 and that helped.
The storm was a great place to create images and feelings. You did this on page 21 - Lightening spidered across the sky -very nice, but try to add more color, such as an indigo shy turning black with rage. More descriptions of the colors of the sea, the islands, the sky, Captain Ruik's clothes. Consider images of sounds. Sailors barking orders barely heard over crashing waves and fierce winds or praying under their breath as they realized the storm to be stronger than they expected. Try to make the reader feel their fear and their courage. Everyone loves a stormy sea and a potential shipwreck as long as they are not in it.
You later in the story mentioned the color purple being associated with Royalty and how it was the most expensive color to produce at the time. This was great. It was colorful and I learned something.
On page 64 you said that she dabbed on some cosmetics. All that came to mind for me was Maybelline. This did not fit in my mind. She might have used Kajol or Kohl in those days. It felt too modern. Struggling to fix her long wind blown hair, would have painted a picture of a woman who, as a Captain of men, had for years, been more focused on her ship than her appearance. This goes to my next point, a scene that I loved. Around page 85 when other women came aboard to help fight, Max made a comment about women not being on ships and then he caught his error when he realized that the Captain was a woman. These few words spoken by Max proved that her gender did not matter - that she had his full respect. The same respect that he would give any man. Your fight scene was well done.
I wanted to know so much more about this woman. How did she get from stowaway to Captain of her own ship?
Here is the thing, Tony, you are a military man and a scientist, this you can see in your writing. The way she gives orders, for example, the map at the start of the book, the battle scene. I would like to suggest that you tap into your inner artist. MAKE us see her, feel the storm, see the island where she ends up. Add that to your really good writing and make it great.
Remember that this is only one woman's opinion. Please keep writing. I hope that something that I put forth here helps you along your writing path.
...
Let me know when your next book becomes available.
Your critique ( I need a title in my old age) with Love"
February 16, 2023
Scrapped Projects
Some stories did not make the cut, at least not for a while.
Medieval Order of the Scarlett Skye
Concept: Fantasy setting. Four adventurers with different goals are pursuing evils that caused misfortune in their lives. A fighter searches for her brother, an undead knight is out to stop a sorcerer's invasion, a newlywed bride seeks to revive her slain husband, a magic-wielding shepherd is just plain bored watching sheep all day. Each has a form of creature companion that is at least part of the journey.
Reason for Scrapping: Started to read a bit like a fan-fic
Chance of Re-visiting: High, if all else is complete
Birds of a Quill
Concept: In the 1800's, a poetess helps a man passing by who collapses in front of her homestead. Turns out the man is a well known writer who in passing suggests she should share her writings, which she tried kept very secret. The notion becomes more attractive to the poetess over time, curious to see if anyone would like reading her collection while hiding under her pen name.
Misfortune comes in the form of the writer being alcohol and drug addicted (long before drug addiction was considered a problem), a brush with death when visiting a friend, and a revelation that the famed writer perhaps has unearned praise. Not a romantic story, but perhaps a respectful friendship by the end.
Reason for scrapping: Found similar exists, heavy on the drama.
Chances of Re-visiting: Medium
Fayethe (working title)
Concept: Early 1980's, a college student finds himself in supernatural trouble coming home from the study hall late at night. Dragged into the woods, 'good fortune' has him finding a sword that he wields as a last resort of defence. The transparent prismatic sword is neither ordinary nor his find of it chance circumstance. Torn between a life between student and defender from evil, he must balance the two...then he finds out his best friend is interested in dating, but with God all things are possible.
Reason for Scrapping: Duplicated, from the time of concept to now, a long running series called Supernatural makes this look like a reasonable copy.
Chance of Re-visitng: Low. Parts of this may be cut up and put into another story (or stories)
Misfortune comes in the form of the writer being alcohol and drug addicted (long before drug addiction was considered a problem), a brush with death when visiting a friend, and a revelation that the famed writer perhaps has unearned praise. Not a romantic story, but perhaps a respectful friendship by the end.
Reason for scrapping: Found similar exists, heavy on the drama.
Chances of Re-visiting: Medium
Della's Story
Concept: Diary discovered by two grandchildren of Della who lived in the early part of the 20th century. In the roaring 1920's, Della meets a young man in training to become a policeman. Their families are all for the wedding. Post-marriage, prohibition begins, Della find her husband spends all of his off-duty hours in his chair drinking confiscated goods, shouting orders, and lashing out when he doesn't get what he wants fast enough. Della escapes to a family/friend's house just as the depression hits, but determined to start life anew.
Reason for Scrapping: Heavy drama became too heavy and much more dark tone than I wanted to spend many pages pulling anyone through (even myself as a reader). Although there's the lift at the end, not a cross I was wanting to bear.
Chance of Re-visiting: Low. If out of ideas, develop as a serious dramatic writer, may take a look or try again with changes.
The real question is, if I pursued I pursue a project, is it one I would enjoy? Would I want to read it? If I am not a fan, there is good reason that others would not be a fan also.
Medieval Order of the Scarlett Skye
Concept: Fantasy setting. Four adventurers with different goals are pursuing evils that caused misfortune in their lives. A fighter searches for her brother, an undead knight is out to stop a sorcerer's invasion, a newlywed bride seeks to revive her slain husband, a magic-wielding shepherd is just plain bored watching sheep all day. Each has a form of creature companion that is at least part of the journey.
Reason for Scrapping: Started to read a bit like a fan-fic
Chance of Re-visiting: High, if all else is complete
Birds of a Quill
Concept: In the 1800's, a poetess helps a man passing by who collapses in front of her homestead. Turns out the man is a well known writer who in passing suggests she should share her writings, which she tried kept very secret. The notion becomes more attractive to the poetess over time, curious to see if anyone would like reading her collection while hiding under her pen name.
Misfortune comes in the form of the writer being alcohol and drug addicted (long before drug addiction was considered a problem), a brush with death when visiting a friend, and a revelation that the famed writer perhaps has unearned praise. Not a romantic story, but perhaps a respectful friendship by the end.
Reason for scrapping: Found similar exists, heavy on the drama.
Chances of Re-visiting: Medium
Fayethe (working title)
Concept: Early 1980's, a college student finds himself in supernatural trouble coming home from the study hall late at night. Dragged into the woods, 'good fortune' has him finding a sword that he wields as a last resort of defence. The transparent prismatic sword is neither ordinary nor his find of it chance circumstance. Torn between a life between student and defender from evil, he must balance the two...then he finds out his best friend is interested in dating, but with God all things are possible.
Reason for Scrapping: Duplicated, from the time of concept to now, a long running series called Supernatural makes this look like a reasonable copy.
Chance of Re-visitng: Low. Parts of this may be cut up and put into another story (or stories)
Misfortune comes in the form of the writer being alcohol and drug addicted (long before drug addiction was considered a problem), a brush with death when visiting a friend, and a revelation that the famed writer perhaps has unearned praise. Not a romantic story, but perhaps a respectful friendship by the end.
Reason for scrapping: Found similar exists, heavy on the drama.
Chances of Re-visiting: Medium
Della's Story
Concept: Diary discovered by two grandchildren of Della who lived in the early part of the 20th century. In the roaring 1920's, Della meets a young man in training to become a policeman. Their families are all for the wedding. Post-marriage, prohibition begins, Della find her husband spends all of his off-duty hours in his chair drinking confiscated goods, shouting orders, and lashing out when he doesn't get what he wants fast enough. Della escapes to a family/friend's house just as the depression hits, but determined to start life anew.
Reason for Scrapping: Heavy drama became too heavy and much more dark tone than I wanted to spend many pages pulling anyone through (even myself as a reader). Although there's the lift at the end, not a cross I was wanting to bear.
Chance of Re-visiting: Low. If out of ideas, develop as a serious dramatic writer, may take a look or try again with changes.
The real question is, if I pursued I pursue a project, is it one I would enjoy? Would I want to read it? If I am not a fan, there is good reason that others would not be a fan also.
February 5, 2023
X (Captain Ruik's Adventure) updated book description
May take a day or so to update on Amazon:
A fictional seafaring action-drama set during an age of sail. Pirate huntress Captain Lanna Ruik sets sail with her crew aboard the tall ship Eagle's Claw to put a stop to those thieves who travel the waters, reclaiming material losses by her patron nation Aris. Pirates chase treasure, the Eagle’s Claw crew chases pirates.
Before becoming a captain, Lanna was a survivor who had a rough upbringing, but Lanna has put forth the effort to turn her situation around. Captain Lanna Ruik is a self-made leader; she is thoughtful, quick, strategic, bold, intelligent, compassionate, tactical, and a skilled swordfighter.
Captain Ruik’s crew is not military, they are rough around the edges. Crewmembers are however looking to get paid by their captain after assignments, so following orders is a must while on duty.
Situations escalate to become high risk, high reward as challenges present themselves by both natural and human causes.
Does X Captain Ruik’s Adventure have a sea battle? YES! Does X have a land battle? YES!
Does X have a happily ever after? Well, that you are going to have to find out for yourself.
What makes X Captain Ruik’s Adventure a different tale? While there are familiar themes and classic tale telling, there are a few twists, a different angle, and a few surprises. In this fantasy world, a female captain is also rare, but she by no means tries to impersonate a male. Focus was put onto making a fast-paced tale, allowing a lot of flexibility for the reader’s imagination.
Author's note: I hope you enjoy the story and am really interested in your thoughts so that we can experience the tale together. Feel free to check out my author page on Goodreads, Amazon, and/or join Aegelis Story Discussions on Facebook.
A fictional seafaring action-drama set during an age of sail. Pirate huntress Captain Lanna Ruik sets sail with her crew aboard the tall ship Eagle's Claw to put a stop to those thieves who travel the waters, reclaiming material losses by her patron nation Aris. Pirates chase treasure, the Eagle’s Claw crew chases pirates.
Before becoming a captain, Lanna was a survivor who had a rough upbringing, but Lanna has put forth the effort to turn her situation around. Captain Lanna Ruik is a self-made leader; she is thoughtful, quick, strategic, bold, intelligent, compassionate, tactical, and a skilled swordfighter.
Captain Ruik’s crew is not military, they are rough around the edges. Crewmembers are however looking to get paid by their captain after assignments, so following orders is a must while on duty.
Situations escalate to become high risk, high reward as challenges present themselves by both natural and human causes.
Does X Captain Ruik’s Adventure have a sea battle? YES! Does X have a land battle? YES!
Does X have a happily ever after? Well, that you are going to have to find out for yourself.
What makes X Captain Ruik’s Adventure a different tale? While there are familiar themes and classic tale telling, there are a few twists, a different angle, and a few surprises. In this fantasy world, a female captain is also rare, but she by no means tries to impersonate a male. Focus was put onto making a fast-paced tale, allowing a lot of flexibility for the reader’s imagination.
Author's note: I hope you enjoy the story and am really interested in your thoughts so that we can experience the tale together. Feel free to check out my author page on Goodreads, Amazon, and/or join Aegelis Story Discussions on Facebook.
January 21, 2023
Specks of Shadows, Flecks of Light. Episodes 3 & 4, Asabelle
Specks of Shadows, Flecks of Light. Episodes 3 & 4 are called "Asabelle". This is a short story about hope, worry, opportunity, disgrace, and grace, in a medieval dramatic romance fashion.
Now live at https://www.amazon.com/kindle-vella/e...
Feel free to leave a comment below, no need to be shy.
Now live at https://www.amazon.com/kindle-vella/e...
Feel free to leave a comment below, no need to be shy.
January 18, 2023
Sophizo (Dévotion Edition)
Sophizo
Took a while for updates to kick through for me, but 4th edition (Dévotion) of this short book is ready. Much more coherently organized, spelling, and grammar improved. Would very much appreciate any thoughts, comments, or needed corrections. Free on Kindle Unlimited!
https://a.co/d/2XOSGx4
Took a while for updates to kick through for me, but 4th edition (Dévotion) of this short book is ready. Much more coherently organized, spelling, and grammar improved. Would very much appreciate any thoughts, comments, or needed corrections. Free on Kindle Unlimited!
https://a.co/d/2XOSGx4
January 15, 2023
"Aegelis Story Discussions" on Facebook
Create a Facebook group called "Aegelis Story Discussions" found at https://www.facebook.com/groups/16214...
Discussion group created by Aegelis to ask & answer questions, share insights & ideas, provide comments, or recommend corrections. Topics do not need to be related to the author or works, but as a moderated forum, courtesy and decorum is a must. Please keep posts related to a story discussion of some sort and family-friendly for approval.
Discussion group created by Aegelis to ask & answer questions, share insights & ideas, provide comments, or recommend corrections. Topics do not need to be related to the author or works, but as a moderated forum, courtesy and decorum is a must. Please keep posts related to a story discussion of some sort and family-friendly for approval.
January 12, 2023
Specks of Shadows, Flecks of Light. Episode 2
Episode 2 is called Separate Ways, Ode to Insanity, Philosopher Phil
Now live at https://www.amazon.com/kindle-vella/e...
So ah, how's it going?
Should I keep blogging like this or should I include other topics?
Now live at https://www.amazon.com/kindle-vella/e...
So ah, how's it going?
Should I keep blogging like this or should I include other topics?
January 10, 2023
Specks of Shadows, Flecks of Light
Kindle Vella looks like an interesting episodic way of presenting material, so I'll go experimental to see where it takes us.
Have a look-see for free at https://www.amazon.com/kindle-vella/s...
Something worth pursuing?
Comments, concerns, questions, or critiques on anything I've written is always appreciated. I'm not sure if I'm the only one, but I take silence as "it sucks". Although this may be true, removal off doubt can greatly facilitate growth.
Have a look-see for free at https://www.amazon.com/kindle-vella/s...
Something worth pursuing?
Comments, concerns, questions, or critiques on anything I've written is always appreciated. I'm not sure if I'm the only one, but I take silence as "it sucks". Although this may be true, removal off doubt can greatly facilitate growth.
