Anna DeStefano's Blog, page 21

The Soul of the Matter/How We Write: Calming and Nurturing Yourself

I read an article recently that suggests that while the tendency toward having a depressive personality can be hereditary, how that part of your psyche manifests itself depends a lot on whether you were raised in a conflict/anxiety-driven home environment or a calming/nurturing one. Heh. Guess what the growing up years were like for this curly-haired bruentte  whose happy-ending stories begin with broken characters who are worlds apart from each other and their hearts desire, forcing them to fight the entire book for that loving, sigh-worthy place waiting in their Emerald City?

Yeah, so it’s no mystery that dark and angsty writers tend not to come from the most warm and fuzzy of family bosoms. Then again, neither have a lot of the romantic comedy writers you love. The difference between them and me, I think, is that I find catharsis in facing the shadows within. While the lighter writers I admire heal by focusing on the good without, to get them through the tougher stuff. As many a wise person has said over the years–there are many roads to Oz.

Still, as I look at my body of work or even my current projects (a heroine with amnesia that must remember her troubled past to save her life–June 15th Dead Sexy release; a heroine just out of an abusive marriage who must face the emotional trauma she’s running from in order to save an abused little boy–July Heartwarming release; and a heroine who grew up homeless who must face the mother who abandoned her and give up her dreams of making the past better in order to have the future she’s always longed for–October Montlake release), the patterns are there and a little staggering.

I’m a woman dealing with what a lot of us do as adults–the fact that as children we weren’t loved and nurtured that we should have been by those who “took care of us.” The result–we live life too often still feeling abandoned, and frequently expect our friends and loved ones to chose to protect themselves whenever we most desperately need them to help us.

I write about strong heroines and protective heroes–but my mind doesn’t seem to be satisfied with simply brushing over the darkness that calls these characters to fight their epic battles. I evidently need to explore those places and spaces in my character’s (and my own) mind that are holding them (and me) back. My writing, I’ve come to realize–my creating–is about learning how to fight for the nurturing and care that I need, right along with my protagonist.

I’ve been described as a hopeful, inspiring writer, one who lifts readers up through realistic journeys that make you feel as if you, too, will find a happy ending at the conclusion of your battles. I hope so. Because these are the stories I’ll continue to tell. I’m a smart ass and a lot of fun to be with most of the time, but when I sit down at my keyboard these are the dark, inner journeys that flow from my mind.

What I need to always remember while I’m in the soup of a particularly difficult draft or passage in my life, is to play that role for myself that my caretakers failed at when I was a child.

We must care for and nurture ourselves, my friends. That’s the overarching message of my books. The healing power of love and hope is ours to give to ourselves first–then we find others who will mirror that same message back as we fight to take care of them as well.

We can’t change the hand life dealt us or how those early experiences molded us to be who we are. Many of us will deal with the lingering affect of our formative years for the rest of our lives. But we can all conquer even the darkest of beginnings, by not allowing what was to control what can be.

We can choose to be happy, a friend of mine is fond of saying, and we can choose hope over depression and giving up and becoming a cynical reflection of the monsters that still lurk in the closets of our mind.

I’m writing today a happily-ever-after ending to my Christmas novel–and it’s tough, because I’m having to look closely at all the dark turning points of the book that foreshadowed the possibility of this moment. Somehow I must make the heroine’s dreams come true after all. And I see more and more of what remains broken in myself each time I go back and dig deeper into this challenging world I’ve created. I always do.

It’s not easy to realize what’s driven me to write what I do the way I keep doing it. But it’s healing and cathartic and maybe even a little bit hopeful that there’s magic yet again awaiting my brave, courageous heroine at the end of her journey ;o)

Care for yourselves today, my friends. Be a core of nurturing and support in your own life, so you’re empowered to show others how they can do the same for you!

Bloggers, Reviewers and Readers–FREE Books and Her Forgotten Betrayal’s June 15th LAUNCH!

Her Forgotten Betrayal is just a week away from its launch as one of Entangled Publishing’s first Dead Sexy books!

If you’re a blogger, please help us spread the word. Click here for more on all the launch books (also see the yummy blurbs below) and details on how to add a Dead Sexy banner or button to your blog–and how to get your FREE copy of an Entangled Flirt, Ever After or Indulgence title! 

♥     ♥     ♥

 

More about DEAD SEXY’s Launch Titles

 

Her Forgotten Betrayal, by Anna DeStefano
 

Remembering will save her life. But will the truth destroy their love forever?  

When the CEO of a global technology empire retreats to her ancestral mountain home to heal from a brutal shooting, she discovers the danger has just begun. The FBI suspects her of selling top-secret government research, and has sent an undercover agent to find evidence of her treason. Still suffering from amnesia, she is at the mercy of nightmares that soon morph into something much more terrifying—a determined enemy, plotting to make sure she never regains her fragile memory. When a handsome stranger sweeps in from the cold, claiming to be her protector—and her former lover—she suspects he’s not telling her the whole truth about his sudden appearance on the mountain. As their unwilling attraction blossoms to sizzling passion, she begins to trust him…unaware that he is about to repeat the most painful betrayal of her past—a past she doesn’t remember…a past that just may kill her.

 

No Hero, by Mallory Kane
 

A darkly handsome New Orleans detective who insists he’s no hero is blindsided by his one-time lover, a sexy investigative TV reporter, who exposes his secret troubled past to the whole world…and nearly costs him his job. When the at-risk teens he mentors start turning up dead, his vow to protect the other kids hits a major snag…his only clue to finding the determined killer is held by the one woman he never wants to see again. Compelled to work together to solve the vicious murders before another child dies, their passion reluctantly reignites, and their mutual mistrust slowly turns to respect as she realizes there’s much more to being a hero than outward appearances, and his deeply wounded heart gradually opens to the possibility of love.

 

Sacrifice of Passion, by Melissa Bourbon Ramirez
 

A tall, dark, single-dad Texas rancher finds himself facing more than his stubbornly silent son when the chupacabra, a supposedly mythical blood-sucking beast, starts killing his livestock—and stalking the town’s newly returned veterinary assistant, the sensual woman who ran from the altar and broke his heart twelve years earlier. Determined to purge his sizzling memories of her from his all-too-vivid imagination, he seeks her help to get to the bottom of the disturbing animal mutilations, only to have her break through to his sullen son…and rekindle the love he’d thought was lost forever. But her refusal to share a terrible secret sends her running straight into the lair of the chupacabra, plunging her back into her worst nightmare, and forcing them both to confront the wrongs of the past—in order to stay alive for the future they desperately want.

 

 

Deadly Secrets, Loving Lies, by Cynthia Cooke
 

Family secrets must be kept, and painful wounds must be ignored.

After an all-out assault by a vicious terrorist bent on destroying her entire family, a former government agent must break the strict rules she has always lived by when she emerges from hiding to reluctantly accept the help of her all-too-sexy ex-lover. Running a deadly race against time, they rush to rescue her kidnapped sister, find her missing father, and bring the notorious villain to justice. But nothing ever goes as planned. Bullets fly, danger abounds, and their passion reignites even faster than the lies are flowing. But their stubbornly held secrets just might spell the end of their rekindled love and hopes for the future…as well as their very lives.

Dream Theories: Embrace what goes bump in your nightmares!

I’m guest blogging today about the dream theory in Her Forgotten Betrayal. Link over, enjoy, and leave a comment for your chance to win a free digital copy of HFB.

“The underlying message of Her Forgotten Betrayal is to follow your dreams—even the scarier ones. Because your dreams are just that—yours. They’re your thoughts and your intuition and your memories. And when your dreams go dark, it’s often your mind’s way of focusing you on the tough stuff you’re avoiding in your every day…”

The Soul of the Matter: Give ‘Em Hell…

“If you fall pick yourself up off the floor (get  up). And when your bones can’t take no more (c’mon), just remember what you’re here for… Give ‘em hell, turn their heads. Gonna life life ’til we’re dead. Give me scares, give me pain. Then they’ll say of me… There goes the fighter… Here comes the fighter… This one’s a fighter.” ~~Gym Class Heroes, ft. Ryan Teddar, The Fighter

Watch this video. Listen to the song. Find all the lyrics and read them. Then do it all again.

“There’s no reason you should ever have your head down… It’s gonna take a couple right hooks, a few left jabs. For you to recognize you really ain’t got it so bad…”

It’s been a long week, and I’m being torn in about ten directions at once. But I’m living a life I’d only dreamed of ten years ago. And this is my time to shine, fight, work through the bruises and the challenges, come out swinging despite the obstacles, and give ‘em hell!

Here’s hoping you do as well ;o)

Things My Teenager Says… Catching a Ride!

“Can I get a ride, Mom?”

Seriously. I’m bawling. It’s an amazing time in our lives. The kid pulled a high B average at his charter school this semester–a TRIUMPH for all involved. His dream summer internship starts next week and will run the entirety of his junior year in high school. He’ll be auditing a GA Tech CAD Design class as part of the job. He’s already studying for it, and he hasn’t stepped foot on campus yet–clearly, aliens have invaded my teen.

Yeah, this means I’ll be driving him back and forth to midtown all summer and possibly a lot of the first few months of next school year (until he’s settled into a routine and knows what it’s going to be like to be pulling a full load of classes plus his internship). I’ll be on deadline the entire time, mostly, and the extra running around will be exhausting.

But I won’t mind.

Because very, very soon, I will no longer be hearing, “Can I get a ride, Mom?”

These are our moments, when we talk and catch up and I still get to be part of his life and thinking in a daily way, even more than a lot of what happens at home. For now we’re still moving in the same energy, the same patterns. We’re still a team, a unit. I still feel part of his world view.

Without “the ride,” where will that go, I wonder?

The Soul of the Matter: Your Own Skin

Live in your own skin this week. Enjoy this amazing video by Ingrid Michaelson, Blood Brothers, then take another look at yourself and others, seeing what we all are rather than the differences between us.

“We’re all the same, under a different name… We’re all blood and bone.”

 

How We Write: Women…

You wanna sell in romance and women’s fiction, give your heroine a strong hook. But don’t make her too damsel in distress, don’t make her too bitchy, don’t make her so smart she’s bossy, don’t make her too dumb, and don’t, don’t, don’t do anything to run away the average reader who buys the majority of books like the one you want to sell. Or should you? Because if she’s a down-the-middle kind of gal, where’s the hook? I’m just askin’.

In my Naked Hero blog post yesterday (over there I’m the Goddess of Mischief), a bunch of us chatted about favorite hero attributes. Now it’s the girls turn. And while I’m all for pleasing the reader, it can get a little crazy-making, talking with a publishers and editors about what they’re looking for in a heroine, what makes them want to pull their hair out about an over-used cliche, or want to smack a whiny leading lady, or turn a book down flat, because the female protagonist, in their opinion,  just won’t sell to readers, she’s just not what most everyone is looking for in an easy read like a romance.

Okay, but what about the widow of a defunked televangelist. A man who was exposed as a lying, cheating sinner, run out of town, on the lamb from the law, then turned up dead, leaving his wife and son destitute and at the mercy of the small town he swindeled?

Or a former snotty, priviledged, cruel small-town beauty queen who’s fallen on bad times and wants to make amends/start over, only no one’s buying it?

Or a Marilyn Monroe-esque pin-up lookalike that everyone assumes is a man eater, doesn’t have a brain in her head, and will sleep with anything to score her next meal ticket?

Yes, I’m a Susan Elizabeth Phillips fan. And yes, she has the best opening hooks in the business. But, no, by and large, her heroines are never, ever down-the-middle, don’t-challenge-anyone, you’re-gonna-love-her-kind of gals.

She throws everything at you, things you wouldn’t like in a friend or even someone you had to work with on a daily basis. But you read her anyway, most of you, because she’s that good at hooking you into the damaged, off-center, bruised up women she wants you to root for.

How does she do this? In my opinion, she gives her gal’s heart and motivation and killer conflict that you can instantly empathise with, even if you don’t like who they are at the beginning of their stories. Yes, SEP is funny, too. But more importantly, she lets her heroine’s be broken and unlikable in a lot of ways, which gives them a huge range through which to grow as characters during the story.

You see, my trouble with making a heroine too easy to like up front–where do you go from there.When I write a damsel in distress, as I have in Her Forgotten Betrayal, I want her IN DISTRESS. I want her needing help. I want her on the cusp of giving up. Even if that makes you want to smack her at first. Because if she’s a heroic, kill-all-who-dare-to-thwart-me character from the very beginning, what’s the point in making her injured, amnesiac, and isolated on a creepy mountain estate in the middle of  the night. Sure, with good editing, I can always make that kind of character more appealing, even while she remains broken in the beginning of the story. But for me, being broken is part of the appeal. It’s not a character trait I’m willing to budge on. It’s a beginning from which to tell a kick-as story.

Not that I consider myself on par with SEP, but this is one of the things about her heroine choices I admire the most.

But that could just be me ;o)

Are troubled, not-necessarily-likable heroine’s a turn-off for you?
What are some of your favorite anti-heroine’s in the openings of romances?
What does a heroine absolutely HAVE to have, or you won’t read her, even if you’re digging all the other messed up stuff she’ll have to sort out over the course of the story?

Oh, and while you’re pondering that, take a peak at (and let me know what you think about):

Cinema Femme Fatales

What some literary wonk thinks makes a top “romantic” heroine

AAR’s top heroes, heroine’s and couples

The Naked Hero blog field trip…

What’s your hunky hero must have? What grabs you every time, makes you drool, and refuses to let you go? Even if he’s imperfect, ESPECIALLY when he’s imperfect, what is that one thing that makes you melt at first glance? If you’ve read me, you know I like myself a damaged guy, a wounded warrior, and (as my editors know better than anyone), I’m soooo much more interested at first in what’s going on inside a guy than on the surface. 

Today I’m blogging over at The Naked Hero, about favorite external AND internal hero attributes. Join the fun! And just to get you started, here’s a sneak peak of some of what you’ll see ;o)

Cover Copy!!! And LOVELY Author Quotes–

Nope. No Her Forgotten Betrayal cover yet. Entangled’s got big plans for the Dead Sexy launch book cover reveals… But, I have the official cover copy, and it ROCKS! Plus killer cover quotes from some of your favorite authors. And an excerpt’s up on my homepage, so check out all the yummy gothic goodness of my June release and report back. Whatcha think?

Here you go. Nina Bruhns’ amazing cover copy. That smile you’re feeling even though you’re not smiling yet? It’s me, projecting happiness into the universe, hoping some of the excitement I’m feeling finds you and makes this a kicking Saturday for you, too ;o)

***

Remembering will save her life. But will the truth destroy their love forever?

When the CEO of a global technology empire retreats to her ancestral mountain mansion to heal from a brutal shooting, she discovers the danger has just begun. Suffering from amnesia, she is at the mercy of nightmares that soon morph into something much more real…as well as a menacing stalker determined to toy with her sanity.

The FBI suspects her of illegally selling top-secret research, and has sent an agent to find evidence of her treason. She doesn’t realize the man who sweeps in from the cold claiming to be her protector, and her former love, is keeping dangerous secrets from her. She begins to trust him, unaware that he is about to repeat the most painful betrayal of her past–a past she doesn’t remember…a past that may kill her.

“Dark danger and lush romance, Anna DeStefano mysteries deliver!” —Catherine Mann, USA Today Bestselling Author

“DeStefano crafts a tense and touching suspense about forgotten pasts and reunited lovers.” —Caridad Pineiro, NYT and USA Today Bestselling Author

“Intrigue, danger, and a hero to die for make DeStefano’s Her Forgotten Betrayal a page-turner!” —Rita Herron, Award-Winning Harlequin Intrigue Author

Things My Teenager Says: Mom and Dad, I need to talk with you…

When the teen who cringes every time you want to talk about something serious, opens the conversation with, “I need to talk with you,” it’s time for a savvy parent to buckle up for a bumpy ride. An even savvier mom might pack a bag and head for Bermuda. But I simply turn from where I’m standing on our deck enjoying a refreshing spring breeze and follow him inside. “I wanted you both together,” he says, “before I said anything…”

Yes, I’m bracing for the worst. This is not a normal teen-parent convo in our house. What heart-to-hearts typically look like, is us chasing the kid down, hog-tying him like a steer and sitting on him (metaphorically, of course, so take you finger off speed-dial, no reason to send in DEFAX), until the teen stops squawking long enough to listen to whatever we need to sink in, FINALLY, so we can move forward as a family from whatever challenge we’re currently facing. It’s the kind of dynamic that reminds me of a cartoon I read once.

Which is pretty much how I’m feeling today, as I stare him down, waiting. It’s been a good day. A good month. We’ve made so much progress and had some real breakthroughs with school, and I’m actually breathing a little easier and settling into a nice routine of having to only worry about my own stuff for a change. At least I was.

“What?”I ask, once his dad’s joined us from where he’s working on the teen’s car.

Not that the kid has anything but a learning permit yet, but I just received a nice advance on a new book deal, and we got a great deal on a Jeep for him that we could afford to buy with cash, so we took it (always thinking positive that he actually WILL complete the required driver’s ed class and earn enough to pay for his own insurance, which is his bill, we’ve insisted, not ours). And now Dad’s tinkering and fine-tuning and dreaming of the manly day when he (we, I keep reminding him) is able to hand over the keys to his boy’s first car, paid-in-full.

“It’s about school,” teen says, mentioning one of the school counselors we’ve gotten to know by her first name, we’ve spoken and emailed with her so frequently.

Of course it’s about school.

His dad and I simply wait, silently, having learned the value of saving our strength until reacting will garner us maximum impact.

“Well…she wanted me to tell you…that I GOT THE FREAKING INTERNSHIP AT GA TECH!!!’

Here’s the basic progression of his dad’s and my reaction.

 

A little present, just for us?, I want to say. ”You shouldn’t have. I mean, I know it’s all about you. Everything’s all about you, but you mean we made it, to this amazing thing we’ve all been hauling ass to make possible for you, killing ourselves to get you through the hardest of your classes so you can stay in this insanely difficult school long enough to achieve what you came here for… And now we get to open our present–without there being a gag gift inside?

“Congratualtions, honey,” I say instead. “You have to be so excited. You’ve done such an amazing job.”

“It’s so cool,” he gushes, laughing at our ridiculous relief that it hadn’t been bad news, for the moment proud of himself mostly that he’d made us assume the worst and sweat for several of the longest minutes of our recent lives, and isn’t that just the kind of fun most teens live for??? “It’s a team of 3 kids who’ll be creating a computer game (his passion) at the research institute on campus, and we’ll be auditing a CAD class, and the two seniors will be doing the programming while I do the design work…”

And on, and on, for days now, when he’s not comatose from studying for his finals, he’s filling us in more and more on how he had to send in a portfolio of CAD work he’s already done, because he’s a natural at the stuff and knows more about the software the class he’s currently taking uses, more than even his teacher’s had time to figure out. And how this internship that college kids would kill for is going to last through the summer and into both semesters of next year. And how the plan is that they’ll publish and release the game itself as an app when they’re done…all while he’s a junior in high school and taking more ridiculously difficult classes in this ridiculously difficult school that’s only a warm up for the ridiculously difficult college that he’s dying to get into somehow, because that’s where he’ll learn more of the cool stuff he wants to get a job doing some day…you know, like the job he just landed as a 16-year-old.

“Is it just me,” my tiny pout asks my husband, “or did we just fast forward ten years or so, to when he’s no longer here with us, and he’s living this life we’re helping him build, and there will no longer be a sassy, sneaky, teen around to keep us on our toes and keep us young and keep us smiling and laughing and dreaming of tomorrow right along with him?”

“You’re amazing,” his dad says out loud, over my internal mini-drama. “That’s absolutely amazing…”

And it is. He is. We all are. I can’t tell you how hard the last two years have been, or how much struggle is still left for this ADHD-riddled family. But I can tell you, pouting and sniffling mom and all, that it’s going to be freaking amazing. And I’m going to be cherishing every last second that remains of his high school time with us, even as my hair greys and my bank account dwindles and my patience weakens to the point of nothingness.

Because this thing he’s talking about with us is his future. It’s his path away from us. It’s everything we’ve wanted for him, and it’s coming so, so fast. It’s my reminder to dig in and savor every second, every joy, every problem, every argument, and every hug. Like the one he’s giving back to me now, because he seems to need it as much as I do.

Sniffle.

I’m so happy for my teen.

Really I am.